Are You Addicted to Anxiety and Chaos?

[Music] this is the ramsay show [Applause] you can be intentional about your character you can have money and a career you are the hero in your story [Music] live from the headquarters of ramsey solutions broadcasting from the dollar car rental studio this is the ramsey show where america hangs out to have a conversation about your money and your life i'm john dolone joined with my good friend and best-selling author christy wright how are you hey this is so fun you and i haven't hosted together in a while have we ever hosted together yes we did i think i blocked it out i don't actually i don't actually know you know i don't think we ever have i think you're imagining things but listen everyone wants to host with me so well that's a fact that's actually not a fact at all hey listen give us a call at 825-5225 we have a packed house here everybody came to see dave and they got me and christy and we are excited to see it you're welcome yes that's right triple eight eight two five five two two five taking your calls on life on relationships on mental health on monday on anything you got and um kelly and the gang are standing by and we are happy to see everybody it's friday it is we're in a good mood who's not in a good mood when it's friday and it's beautiful outside here in nashville all right let's go to caitlin eight right down the street in nashville hey caitlin what's going on hi um you guys are the perfect people to answer my question okay so my question is one um i just started my own cleaning business i quit my full-time job because i was making way more money doing the cleaning business in march well way to go there it's doing pretty thank you it's doing really good but um i got a second job because um we're just trying to get out of debt really fast or not really fast but like well yeah really fast um and so i was talking to my therapist about it and like she totally was like against it she's like it's not good for your mental health you always live in fight or flight mode like it's not an emergency to get out of debt um dave ramsey just doesn't like care about your mental health which i know is not true um and like so she was totally like against me getting a second job and i got it at a gym so it's not too hard and um i'm it's my second week this week and i'm really enjoying it and i got a lot of hours last week and like i did the math on that like we could be out of debt in like six to seven months completely why did you encounter you know you're doing charging why does she why does she tell you not to get a second job there's something deeper than she just doesn't like dave yeah well she says because like um i just started working with her and i have like a lot of trauma in my um and she says that i constantly live in the back of my brain where it's like fight or flight and i make everything in emergency and i always try to fix everything for everyone and like she says i don't know how to relax and she sees it as being unhealthy and she's like hold on you're saying she is she she a lot is is the truth in what she said yeah like what she says is absolutely right okay so you you are paying a therapist you're paying a counselor to walk through some challenges in your life with you right and you're paying this person you're walking alongside them and they're giving you a professional recommendation to yes get a new job you're doing it you're you're getting it but based on where you happen to be right now i'm going to recommend you slow down a little bit not because dave's stupid okay not because of you know filling the play here but i'm going to recommend you slow down and so your first instinct is to run from that decision right a run from her recommendation or his recommendation to fight his or her recommendation right and that puts you right it just validates what they're trying to tell you does that make sense yeah and i was like trying like i mean i want to listen to her but you don't really want to listen to her but it's just like to me like the debt i feel like is drowning me okay and like it gives me like so to me like it makes sense to just work really hard for six months and then i can enjoy the rest of my life but like i see where she's coming from but it's i don't know it's just really hard for me so i just want to get out of out as fast as possible i got that so there's there's two sides to this number one if you get to the end of any finish line and you got and you've burned out everything that victory is hollow right you just created another set of challenges and the other side of it is yeah maybe she doesn't fully understand maybe she doesn't fully get it and so maybe it's a mix of both i'm never gonna you i'm never gonna tell you on a call on radio show to like oh you're psychologist is an idiot you shouldn't do that no don't do that right so i'm always gonna tell you if you're hiring a professional here and they're walking alongside you um listen to your counselor and at the same time i think coming with some sort of um chrissy i'm thinking some sort of um compromise here between her therapist you're looking at me like i'm crazy no i just have questions i'm so anxious to ask you let's go okay and i wanted to make sure you you're able to yeah so caitlin some sort of compromise here to go with your counselor and say hey i've decided to take this second job and i want you to walk alongside me and let's come up with a couple of um benchmarks here that we're gonna know i'm over my head that i'm starting to spin out i'm starting to get exhausted i'm starting to fall back into some of these fight or flight things some of my default addictions those kind of things and that you're gonna give your counselor permission to call you out on it okay there's one question i have in relation to caitlyn and i think you're talking about this but at what point are you able to look at the fruit where um one of the things i paid attention to that caitlyn said is like i really enjoy it it's like i'm happy i'm able you know it's you know where you can look at the fruit and go okay it's not causing the the outcome that she said it could cause and then i start go oh if it starts causing that then that's a red flag let me pull back on my hours or whatever if there's fruit that's positive is that a point where you can go oh maybe this is um like you said more of a compromise i'm curious about that in relation to caitlyn you can actually get addicted chemically to fighting and running you can get addicted chemically to anxiety so what that means is when things are a little bit calm and you spin everything up or you take another job and you say yes to another thing and yes another thing it can feel good in the moment right you are hitting that that addiction yeah like ding ding and it goes right and same as when you have peace in your marriage sometimes i just got to spin up a fight here because i need the conflict because that's what my body is done that john i have no idea i was looking at kelly i can't relate it exactly so some of us and i'm talking about myself who are addicted to the chaos addicted to anxiety the actual biochemistry of it will spin it up right okay i have a question and it's not it made me think of it when caitlyn was talking but i think this is something that is so relevant for every person listening certainly anyone that's ever been in counseling or ever planning to be in counseling so at what point um could you make such a good point that you're hiring a professional for their professional opinion but how do you discern in the moment that there is the possibility that they're wrong and i say this john can i tell a crazy story anything you want i don't know if i'm gonna get in trouble for this they'll edit it later or something if so i've never known it's live but go ahead i've never told this story but this the reason i ask is because there are a lot of counselors and most are good and most are right and most are awesome and all that you're gonna have some right that maybe aren't or they just don't have the full context or they're you know they're going by the script or they're training and they're not considering the full picture or the the client's not being honest or whatever so this is the crazy story matt and i when we were um dating and engaged we went to premarital counseling of course through someone that was um yeah totally through a counselor and someone that was recommended from recommended whatever we didn't know i mean we you know we didn't have counselors at that point and um and she was fine we'll come back to this in a minute she was fine but there was one thing she said that made me go i don't think you're right so we'll circle back to that oh cliffhanger i can't wait to hear your answer on this anger it's segment one right here hey give us a shout triple eight eight two five five two two five we're talking relationships life love money everything right here on the ramsay show [Music] life is full of firsts [Music] as the first and longest serving christian health cost sharing ministry chm has shared medical expenses for its members since 1981. we believe you should have the freedom to focus on your health while being supported by a community of believers giving you the opportunity to create many more firsts [Music] so [Music] this is the ramsey show and we are back i'm john delonia joined here by christy wright and we're taking your calls on relationships on life on business on your money triple eight eight two five five two two five and at the break you were telling us uh you asked me a question about when do you know that you are with the wrong counselor right yeah like how do you discern the possibility that they're wrong and so my scenario is matt and i were in premarital counseling and this is we were dating and it was a referral from a referral or so on and so delena so she met with us a couple times together and then she wanted to do a session with us each separately and so in my session with her we're talking about matt and i's personalities and our you know just different things and she looks at me john and she goes it's not too late you haven't walked down the aisle yet like she literally started advising me not to marry matt and like bless her but like matt and i don't have a perfect marriage but he's the man for me like god created us for each like like we have a wonderful marriage so she was just wrong okay she was just wrong there and i felt it in my spirit yes you know because i was like yeah i'm gonna not heed that advice because i just i don't think you're on point you know and so that's an extreme example and i know it's ridiculous that our premarital counselor told us not to get married we have a great marriage and and i just feel like she just didn't get the memo from god that we actually were supposed to be married um but but regardless of the situation where you have someone very well meaning and very well trained that's advising someone and of course when you're the client uh that can be hard like well to your point they're the professional and so what about what about when they're not what about when they're not i mean not professional but not not right maybe it has to happen sometimes yeah so there's a few things that i keep in mind one is like right when you said that i'm thinking of [Music] what what a marriage a premarital counselor's advice is to give you all some tools and some skills and then to enter into a relationship with you and oftentimes if you've never been to a counselor if you don't know what that is you think i'm going to go somewhere didn't listen and they're just going to spit out some advice for me and that's not what that is what it is is practicing how to be in a relationship with somebody and they'll ask you questions and make you think about things and give you assignments that you're going to work on at home and things and so i'm thinking if i was doing premarital counseling i would say hey it's not too late and if your gut rises up and says oh for sure he is then you know and if you went home and thought you're right this isn't too late and so she goes why did you choose them i go cause god told me whoa she was like okay well i guess we're done here i'm gonna tell my wife that because i think she's still wondering what did i do right but i think to your point the discernment process if you're asked if your counselor tells you to do something that is outside your moral balance obviously that's ridiculous if somebody has listened to your story and says i think like a second job is too much for sure yeah i think this person's not for you here's what i would do i wouldn't fight the counselor i'd go talk to somebody that i trust and say hey i'm meeting with a therapist then gave me some wild advice right and use that as a relational leverage if um somebody misses the boat completely or tells you something stupid yeah walk away and my big thing is it's all about gut feeling yeah and because it's a relationship if you walk in after a session or two you're like or three i always ask people to say three or four i'm not clicking i don't trust you yeah i don't feel like i can fully yeah just speak my mind here my heart here then go find somebody else well i think it's relevant for people that are that are in counseling and they're going hey is this advice on point you know in this example type of thing so i think if you're getting a lot of advice for account from a counselor that's a problem forgetting a lot of advice from a counselor right it's it's going to be some recommendations and some assignments and discussion that's good ashley in buffalo new york hey ashley what is going on um hi um i'm kind of going to graduate college this year um and i'm like really lucky i was a computer science major in college you're kind of going to graduate or you for sure are i'm definitely gonna stand up ashley you are in buffalo new york and you are going to graduate right yes sir yeah good don't say sir i'm not that old okay so you are going to graduate and you're an i.t major right um yeah like um computer science yes yeah the i.t is the way we said it back in the 1400s you are computer science is the right way okay so what's your question how can help um so the thing is that um i'm i'm really lucky i'm gonna at least be making 90k a year because like that's the current offer i have i'm gonna have to like keep looking for other jobs but um my i'm really lucky like through financial aid scholarships and my parents i'm gonna graduate with no debt but um i kind of told my parents a long time ago you kind of told them or you did tell them um i did tell them she's kind of done a lot of things yes okay you told them that i would probably pay back whatever they paid for school for me okay um which should probably be around 50k um depending on how much i make this year and how much i contribute with my part-time job um so i don't know if after graduation i should kind of go in the debt snowball first or if i should like do the emergency fund i'm just kind of not sure so number one don't kind of do anything ever again you are too smart and too um talented to kind of do things is that cool yeah okay good all right here's the second thing do you know for sure i couldn't tell do you owe your parents this money or not was this like a statement that an 18 year old said like i'll pay you back and they're like oh great and they're counting on this money or are you gonna sit down and have to and they're gonna say no you're not paying us back like what what's the actual status here the actual debt is i don't have to pay them back but my brother's special needs like very severely special needs and they kind of don't have a lot of money for retirement if that makes sense and he's not going to college so i kind of feel like the internal need to pay them back if that makes sense it makes sense um and christy i love your thoughts here actually my gut reaction is i would love for you to sit down with your mom and dad and say i made a commitment to you guys told y'all's gonna pay y'all back and what would this actually look like for us it's not your responsibility to take care of your parents financially at this point you're not you're you haven't even graduated college yet if they come to you at some point say hey we need help with your special needs brother that's a whole other conversation here but right now you have put yourself in the position of being their financial backup plan and that's that's not your job not your role that's their responsibility what i would love to see you do is to sit down and clarify your financial role with them and then begin going through paying off any debts you have you graduate debt-free that's incredible and then you're gonna take this awesome salary because you're talented and brilliant and then you're gonna be off to the races yeah i think um clear communication with your parents ashley's gonna be huge so you just sit down and say hey i really wanna do this i'm gonna create a budget that allows me to live on half of what i'm making and i'm going to pay you guys back super fast it's something i want to do i know i don't have to do it but i want to do if you do and you guys get on the same page and just um you clearly communicate that the other thing i know we joked with you ashley but seriously i want you to practice not saying kind of because when you say kind of you sound young and insecure and you're not insecure and you will instantly project more confidence that will then become real confidence when you take out weak words i i talk to women about this all the time it's not just kind of it's also i mean i just i'm sorry i have a question when we act pitiful it does something to our sense of self and so i want to help you um truly practice this it's just a habit you don't mean to we all say things we don't realize we do but that's going to help you in the workforce and it's going to help you in life so work on practicing catching yourself taking out kind of i mean i just you know these weak words and it's going to help you build confidence and project that really intelligent young woman that's in there which you are i just want people to be able to see that so i that's my second assignment in addition to the money question but i love it i think you're gonna do it you're gonna be great all right gabrielle in bangor maine what's up gabriel hi i'm so nervous so bear with me sorry hey we're nervous too we don't know what we're doing so hey how can we help um yeah so actually my dad just decided to take out a loan for his family he wants it to be a family business um and i'm excited to do it with him but um i don't know if i should but i'm not going to be doing it for like six months um because he needs to get that set up on his on his own he's that type of person um but he's not saying that i need to but should i be helping him pay for the loan absolutely not okay no if your dad is running a business and he's deciding to take out a business loan when you say you're helping him can you explain that are you an employee are you a partner are you a co-owner well um well i right now it would just be i guess an employee but he wants to in about six months like it's planned to do well enough where i could just leave my job and make way more money working with him yeah you need to put in the arrangement that you're not paying this debt regardless of your title or role but make sure it's clear and it's on paper and if you're going to become a partner to his business you all have to be on the same business principles following the same plans and have the same philosophy towards how you're going to handle your money right no this is not your debt to pay off what in any shape form or fashion right here on the ramsay show [Music] this is the ramsay show and we are back and we have two beautiful people standing on the debt-free stage rob and jill from marietta georgia how are we doing great great i'm assuming since you're standing on the so named debt-free stage that you are debt-free how much have you paid off we have paid off a hundred and fifty thousand wow way to go you guys thank you how much how long did it take you to pay this off it took us 30 months so we started january of 2019 okay and finished about about three months ago okay 30 months how much were you making during this time uh started at 187 and uh ended at 2 14. nice oh what do you do for a living so we're i'm the first practitioner yep she's a nurse practitioner and he's a nurse yep i like how you said that right just so we all know yeah she's smarter than me there you go yeah there's a hierarchy here we see it we see it i stay in my place so what in the world happened 30 months ago that y'all too said we've got to do this now well uh in october of 2018 a couple of things happened we [Music] thought we were doing the right thing went and sat down with some friends um some friends recommended an investment company goodwin investments sat down with some guys there and they uh ended up being a smart investor pro and um they said you have an elephant in the room that you need to escort out before you can invest you know nicely meaning our and fifty thousand of student loans and two cars wow so before you can invest we'd like for you to consider this plan so um so they they looked at you and said we don't want your money until your life is clear yeah and immediately i was sold on you know the company because they i mean they could have just you know we had a great income obviously so um but he said just consider this i'm not saying no but this is a plan and um and you know i kind of sell the kool-aid as it were as a smart buster so um the other thing that happens we sat down with our really good friends chris and amy um and uh they're smarter than us they're they're smarter than us have they've seen a lot more life and they looked at our five almost 600 car payment and said this is a choice but um this is what we've done so uh it was just kind of a a moment and then in february of that same year we had had our first little girl so awesome all of a sudden you know you're looking at other yeah reasons yeah different ball games so when you all said i'm so curious when y'all sat down with this smart buster pro and they present this plan to you had y'all ever heard of the baby steps or dave ramsey or anything unfortunately i had okay well sometimes it can be one of those shocking things of like a life without debt i've never considered that and and usually it's a family or friend or someone that kind of gives you their testimony and that is a word of mouth referral but to have it from a professional like just kind of in this quick meeting that's interesting that you guys you know were really receptive to it that's really cool well in 2002 to let's see no it would have been 2004 to 2006 with my church we lived in rome at the time rome georgia um we um were introduced to the to this concept but dave was stupid because he was telling me to not take out student loans and i was taking out student loans to go to private college right so a lot of student loans so um obviously he was dumb he did not know what he was talking about at all it was not for us we were an exception so um when he brought it up i said wow this is again you know another wisdom piece from god and jill right away you were on board absolutely not hey i love dishonesty right here you're a nurse practitioner you're gonna drive what you wanna drive you're gonna live right i make all this money why am i not buying this and doing what i wanna do and going on this vacation yeah buying a house we've been living in the same tiny little house so halfway through this journey you have an almost two-year-old and then the world shuts down and looks at you two and says help right walk us through how you kept going through that mayhem you don't have a choice right that's your job so you just keep going every day you're like going to work going okay here we are luckily i mean i work in an office so it's not as bad but i do go to the hospital and i see all that and it's just crazy but you guys kept making a budget every month you kept doing it every month yeah who are your biggest cheerleaders so yeah shout out to chris and amy obviously that we mentioned them already brandon and kristen um our small group we're in a great small group been in for years um all of my friends because the people i work with we constantly talk about our journey it was kind of our way of i guess keeping us on track talking about it and obviously i'm thankful for jill she was i'm the nerd i'm the spreadsheet guy yeah she's the dreamer so i'm just thankful for her for sticking with me and and um i didn't want to but we did it yep yep we did it together what would you tell people just met you on the street what's the key to getting out of debt um well if you choose this plan uh you need to stay on it um you need to read the book um go through the nine week class we did in person i'm not sure what that looks like now with um you know our world meeting in person but um the podcast was huge for me uh listening to people's stories that had more debt and less money to work with um the podcast is what i lived and breathed you know i can bring your why why you're doing it yeah remember in our why are sitting yeah that's incredible so have you had a month yet where the check's deposited and you've got no bills yes yeah a couple i think yeah and and it's it's we're smiling for those you're listening crazy well all of a sudden you're like what do i do with this extra money oh yeah 3a and 3b you know yeah we still rent or yeah so okay very cool yeah and so hey listen we've got a copy of the legacy journey because that's your next step here you're on you're on the road to becoming everyday millionaires and we're gonna give you a copy of total money makeover so you can bless somebody else with it you can give it to somebody who's just chit-chatting about their problems and you can tell them about their elephant and let's bring this beautiful beautiful lucy up and how old is lucy lucy's three and a half uh she's been practicing so we will see if uh lucy performs here right so we've got rob and jill and beautiful lucy from marietta georgia paid off a hundred and fifty thousand dollars in 30 months making about a hundred and eighty seven thousand dollars to two hundred fourteen thousand dollars and they are now debt free rob and jill count it down say it with me lou ready three two one [Music] [Applause] wow that's amazing that's really really cool that's a huge amount of debt but it's just amazing where when you decide when you decide like we're sick and tired of being sick and tired we've been trying this it hasn't worked we've got to try something different man you never look back once you stand where they're standing right now where you feel the feeling of not having those payments so let's average this let's take 200 000 it's a great income yeah it's a great income a little over about two and a half years right 150 dollars yeah and so sometimes you fall into a trap you make a good salary you think right i deserve this car yeah i deserve a house that looks like this it needs to be mine and then i needed to add on to it and fill in the blanket fill in the blank and man rob and jill sucked it up for two years two and a half years and that little girl lucy man she reminds me of my little girl i kept it's just she's so so precious she's never gonna know the 150 000 elephant in the middle of a living room right yep because mom and dad said no and the decisions that they make in six months and six years and 16 years are gonna be so different because there's no debt determining those decisions it's whatever decisions they want to make with the cash that they have and the freedom and that's what i want people to understand this is not just about money that we teach we're talking about your future your options when you've got money you've got options when you've got stuff you don't have any options they don't get you anything when you have a spouse when you've got a partner in life that you've gone through two and a half years of we're just gonna be weirdos in the trenches and then you come to the other side and you've completed this incredible goal then you think we can do anything yeah we can have to deal with mom and dad struggling we can deal with you know economic issues we can deal with you know we got to change churches whatever the thing that pops up in your pay for lucy's college like whatever there's just so many more options college will be 11 million dollars they could possibly have it by the way they could figure it out that's right i wish folks could understand y'all listen to this on the podcast there's something about being in here every time and every time i think i see a little kid i see a couple that's made it i think back to my marriage i think back to my little kids i know you do the same and it's inspiring every single time people ask me about working here and i tell them it's like working in a glitch in the matrix right you get to be reinspired every time i come to work by amazing folks like robin jill little lucy she's doing laps on the stage right now this is so amazing guys thanks for blessing us thanks for blessing up the country what an incredible journey guys we're talking to you you have a hundred and fifty thousand dollar elephant in the middle of your living room you can make your change and you can start today start today [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] so [Music] are you feeling overwhelmed or stretched too thin i've been there after being on all day at work at home and with my kids i used to feel like i was running on empty two and let's be honest sometimes i still get there we all do here's the deal balance is something that you can create in your life you don't have to be overwhelmed by this elusive idea of balancing everything all the time perfectly you can actually create your own version of balance and that comes from doing the right things at the right time and the great news is you get to decide what's right for you that's exactly why i created my new book take back your time the guilt-free guide to life balance which by the way is on pre-sale for one more week which means you've got one week to go ahead and get your copy and then you get all the free uh bonus items i was listening to them rattle off the bonus items it's like we're gonna come roof your house and give you a swim it's incredible you get the ebook you get the audio book you get a ticket to my event on september 16th live stream uh here from nashville me and dave ramsey are speaking you also get access to a private facebook community with me and so it's our way of saying thank you for um getting your order in early so you guys have got another week to do that we will still ship it on launch day which which is uh september 14th and uh and when you do you will be helping us with our marketing which we appreciate which is why we give you those bonus items here's the thing john i am have started seeing reviews come in which is like the greatest dude it's the greatest feeling as an author because oh yes it's connecting and what's really cool i saw one today and and the woman said this book has allowed me to take a deep breath and i thought that was really cool because that's the heart behind it this is not a book about how to do more it's about how to do what's right for you yeah and actually experience freedom in your life and and i think that's really powerful so get your copy take back your time the guilt-free guide to life balance you've got one week to get your pre-order and you get all the free stuff i can't think of a book that is more timely more needed in a season where you know what's gonna be two weeks to flattening the curve an hour a year and a half later to everyone's had to do everything and then there's industries that popped up telling you what everything's supposed to look like and there's the right way to do everything and to be able to get your hands on i love that piece right and we throw that word around a lot we don't know what that actually means it means dropping your shoulders to get a breath well it's so foreign to us i mean we walk around all of us not just women not just parents you walk around with your shoulders up by your ears your chest is tight all the time this is what you talk about with anxiety and man some of it is the culture and some of it is outside of our control but man some of it is within our control some of it is pressure we put on ourselves a lot of this yeah just just helping people understand why they do what they do it's not the way i've been saying it lately is that this is not just about the calendar it's about enjoying the life that the calendar represents and i want to help you do that and so we've got to get to the root issue if we're going to fix it at the root level and not have it keep creeping up in the same way i'm so glad you wrote this book that's such a needed thing good for you and high five to you that there's nothing more terrifying than putting a book out there and no the reviews come in i know and you're like you're like holding your breath you're like is it good are they gonna like are they gonna get it is it gonna connect and so yeah that's been fun to see the last few days i thought that when when we were out of elementary school i would answer i would stop asking the question do they like me and still do they like me and there's millions of people right now that were just like nope we don't know all right let's go today we never see that's gonna happen in fairbanks hey abby in alaska what's going on um hi thanks for taking my call you betcha what's going on how can i help how can we um so so i'm taking the foundations class for high school the high school one um and i'm just learning about like um different ways i can pay for college and one of them is community and i've i'm going into medical school so i'm just wondering like what my options are financially like what's the best option so what what grade are you in now i'm a senior you're a senior in high school or college high school senior in high school and what do you want to do medical school um i either want to be a pa or a nurse practitioner so you're thinking more nursing school um a program like that versus medical school which would be you want to be a doctor or a surgeon or something like that yeah so there's a number of different options and and i guess i guess at the root of your call you're asking how do you how in the world can you do nursing school debt-free right yeah yeah um so it starts on a foundation of a debt-free undergraduate degree right you're going to make that's going to be a commitment that you're going to make i will not go into debt that means i'm going to start at a community college if i have to that means i'm going to go to in state i'm going to apply for every grant every scholarship i compile i'm going to make that a second and third job right i'm not going to go into debt for undergraduate and then when you head into nursing school there's several different options here sometimes you can graduate and go work and get an undergrad a bachelor's degree in nursing and go work and you can work for a place that will put you through nursing school i mean to get your your master's in nursing or in your pa degree you can do that you can work along the way and take night school and pay for it along the way you can go work and be a nurse with a bachelor's degree for a few years and save up and do it there's a number of different ways i want you to focus your first next couple of years on making sure you graduate with your undergraduate degree debt free and then begin researching places that are going to support you in your work right now agency nursing has exploded there's all over the place you're going to have a million different options here but i want you to focus i want you to take the right steps in the right order yeah the thing i would say abby that i love that john's telling you just think of this because you're thinking long term and i love that i love that you're thinking long term you will make different decisions now in your undergrad than you would because you know you want to go to this additional education so for example if i were you i would try to get as many scholarships as i can to pay for your undergrad so that when you work during undergrad you're stockpiling that cash for your additional education whereas if you work to pay through school what you can do it's going to be hard to stockpile cash in addition to paying for your undergrad cash you can do some combination of this but i'll tell you time spent looking for scholarships which so many people get intimidated by there's fascinating research on what you average per hour most people think oh i'm just going to sign my name to a loan because that's all i can do um one guy i actually um got to know and interviewed years ago john when i first started working for this company he searched and searched and searched for scholarships and he averaged out afterwards the amount of hours he spent searching for scholarships and the amount of money he he made and he averaged 900 an hour wow that's there's not a part of the world that's right that will pay you that so it's worth the work to search and apply and search and apply and write essays abby do that i would do that as much as you can for undergrad and certainly for your additional education but start there and then when you work during undergrad you get to keep all that money for the most part and i want to add that if you can abby get a job at a local hospital get a job at a local um at a blood bank some place where you can be around the profession because they're gonna also have different they're gonna have insider information on oh that nursing school helps you this way yeah this job will pay for your master's degree so start now have four years of working in the medical profession and make sure you get out debt-free and then the other avenues are going to begin to open up especially if you put in the time you'll learn more about what you want to do about it exactly right and you may go in for a year and be like whoa i'm not doing this i'm going to do something else that's right all right let's go to bk in calgary hey bk guess we're up against the clock so get right to your question hi uh hi both of you uh my story is pretty magical and the magic uh was bought by uh dave ramsey i started listening to him uh back in 2013. i paid off about 150 000 in about 38 months back then but then life happened uh we moved to canada uh i got a baby boy and during medical expenses and everything we were debt free at the time so we wiped out our savings and i've got about seven thousand dollars in credit card debt that i'm working uh multiple jobs to pay off good deal maximum name abk we're right up against the clock so we'll get right to your question yeah here we go thank you you guys uh i'm actually also trapping uh uh an e-commerce company on the side i started with two thousand dollars uh it's roughly about eight it's just my savings that i'm trying to uh build up the company with not trying to borrow i've got about uh 47 000 in consumer debt out of which 42 is a car which i need for my jobs and other things that i do so here's the thing brother um number one you don't need a 42 000 car you need to sell your car and get out of debt sell your car and get out of debt and if your question is should you pay off your consumer debt before you start funding a hobby a side business what's the answer yes yes pay your debts off start this side hustle debt free right and never go back into debt again bk you know better life happened you can do it this has been the ramsay show [Music] dave here we just launched a brand new listener survey we want to know what you think about the show you'll be entered to win a 100 amazon gift card no purchase necessary take the survey at ramseysolutions.com survey or text survey to 33 789 [Music] this is the ramsay show [Music] you can be intentional about your character you can have money and a career you are the hero in your story [Music] live from the headquarters of ramsey solutions broadcasting from the dollar car rental studio this is the ramsey show where america hangs out to have a conversation about your money your life your business your relationships everything you can think of and more give us a call at 825-5225 i'm john deloney joined here with my good friend and best-selling author and author of the soon to be released rockstar book take back your time christy wright and we are taking your calls on pretty much anything you can come up with triple eight eight two five five two two five christy how are we doing great it's friday i'm telling you i love front i love hosting on fridays because everybody's in a good mood getting ready for the weekend i love it that makes it what are you doing this weekend i don't know um that's kind of a good feeling it's yeah i mean not having any plans that's kind of nice you know it's like okay let's just see what happens i think we've got plans i just i'm not that far i need to get through this we should yeah that's how you roll you and i live differently we do what are you doing this weekend uh taking the boys to a football game tonight and then going to the lake tomorrow it's our last lake weekend so i'll live it up and then you're gonna shut it down and then we're gonna shut it down i will probably do some mowing tomorrow so when i'm out there mowing i will think of the right family and they're having a good time it should be a blast triple eight eight two five five two two five give us a shout and we look forward to talking to you let's go to dylan in indianapolis indiana hey dylan what's going on brother so um a few months ago i bought my first car for 5900 all cash and i was wondering if it would now be a good choice to buy a second car or a new car trade in that one because the first car um it's starting to appear that it might have problems with rush that could have been in a flood and i didn't know if it would be a good choice to do that how old are you man 17. 17. how'd you come up with 5900 to buy your first car with cash um part-time jobs over a couple years i'm good for you man dude you're awesome gavin way to go man i don't think i could have kept 59 dylan oh dylan i'm sorry yeah dylan i'm not good at reading dylan um my job actually is to keep him on track dylan i'm here for you yeah that's a that's a hard job so dylan you bought a car and what what makes you think it was in a flood or are you having buyer's remorse did you buy a car and allison you don't like it tell me what no i still i still love the car and if i were to get a new car it would just be a newer version of it it's a honda civic okay and i like it do you have the money um if i were to sell the car at the price of it right now is around 8 000 and i would look to buy a car for between 10 and 11 000 so add about two three thousand dollars on to what i sell this for and you do you have it though yes you have that cash yes yeah i don't know i mean i don't have a problem with you selling your car and buying a new car with cash um i wouldn't keep two cars around and i would not um i wouldn't be dishonest in your sale right i would if you think there's a problem with it if you think there's a challenge with it i'd have it go get looked out by a certified mechanic and not just pass pass your purchasing decision onto somebody else um obviously you want to do everything above board yeah i don't have a problem with that you're paying cash i mean here's the thing dylan you're asking the right questions most 17 year olds are not asking that question you're paying for in cash it's great yeah do it absolutely good for you man no parent christy that's talking to us right no parent ever wants their child to experience the panic of being unprepared for an emergency but teaching your teens how to be smart with money can feel like a big job lucky for you we've got your back with our digital self-study courses you can rest assured that your teen will know the right way to handle money no matter what curveballs life may throw at them down the road and the best part no instructor needed if your teen has a tablet or a computer they're all set you know what that sounds like music to a parent's ears right now no instructor needed especially those who are still having to do school from home parents text self study to 33789 that's self study to 33789 to learn more about all of the different courses we have available for your middle or high schooler very cool so many of you say i wish i knew this when i was younger here's your chance pass it on when did you learn about money when i was up to my eyeballs in debt in my mid-20s and i realized something had to change i mean i truly was not taught yeah money debt say i mean i guess like you know in passing but not no one ever sat me down and said like here's what this really is and so i was the typical sign up for a free t-shirt get a credit card college student and so i got myself into a mess when i was in my early 20s but it was like by degrees i didn't oh the minimum payments 24 it's you're literally your statistic and then in my middle middle my 20s i remember there was a month i had to call my mom and ask her to put money in my bank account and i was so humiliated because i was a 24 year old woman and i couldn't support myself i wasn't independent i value independence i wanted to be financially independent and it was that moment that i was like something needs to change once i finally faced my bills i wrote it all out on my debts and this was even before i knew dave ramsey i was like i just have to get rid of this and then i got the book and got on the plan and all the stuff but um i literally learned like so many uh so many college dudes so many americans the hard way by like oh man this sucks i work really hard and i still can't make my payments yeah i remember graduating from college i remember in high school a guy at my local church stood up and said um i just got laid off and people were talking about it but i want children i'm okay i've started doing this thing and this was this is when financial peace was in its infancy and i remember that in the fast forward six seven years later i took my first big job after college making great money and i ended that first year making great money in more debt than when i started just because i got in the habit of not saying no you're going to remember going what in the how did that happen well you made a really good point though because i don't want people to miss this you were talking about this earlier um today and that is when we get a promotion when we get a raise we upgrade our lifestyle even if even if we have debt so like in your example i'm making great money and i ended up in more debt than i was in because we think oh wow i got a new job or oh i got a new raise i'm going to go get a nicer car get a nicer house buy this stuff because i deserve it but the truth is if you're in debt you don't own any of that stuff you owe on all of it you're actually in the red yeah so like it was getting redder by the year yeah yeah we've got to change the mindset that oh i deserve it or i'm you know when i need to upgrade my lifestyle matt and i from the time that we moved in our house uh you know we were newly married for any raise that we've gotten or any you know he's had different job changes i've had different you know good years and lower years whatever we haven't upgraded our lifestyle and and so the margin just increases which gives you again power to invest to give to make choices about where you send your kids to school colonies and therapy and i can afford that and it's simply because we've maintained the margin but you have to create it that means that when you get a raise you don't upgrade your lifestyle and that can be hard it takes discipline but it's going to give you power and control i think my wife is wondering why i think we're like we keep downshifting our lifestyle every time she's like john please that car let's don't drive horses to work anymore can we get a car that's so cool yeah if you can hang tight right it just gives you so much freedom in your life that's incredible eight eight two five five two five give us a shout we are here i'm john delonie joined with christy wright on the ramsay show [Music] stop paying your overpriced wireless provider and switch to puretalk they use the same network as the larger providers for much less for just 30 a month get unlimited talk text and six gigs of data with no contract the average family saves over seventy dollars a month by switching to pure top just go to puretalk.com and enter the promo code ramsey to save 50 off your first month pure talk simply smarter wireless [Music] [Music] [Applause] triple eight eight two five five two two five i'm john dalone joined here by christy wright let's go out to gavin in cleveland ohio hey gavin what's going on hey guys how are you outstanding brother how are you i'm doing very well very cool what can we do for you um i'm calling to ask about my situation so me and my wife um we just got married recently and um we have about thirty six thousand dollars together in student loans but i also got a truck last year and that's about thirty two thousand so i was thinking about selling it because i was looking at the baby steps and i'm thinking that if i sell the truck i should be able to pay everything off and be debt free within the next two years uh how much do you make man i make about 2300 a month after tax you make 2 300 a month after tax you have a 32 000 truck yeah exactly well it was like what you guys were talking about earlier upgrading your your lifestyle after i get a raise and stuff i mean i couldn't make this it was it's just because i could make the payment i was in a small car and i should have paid it off as before i knew any better oh yeah i hate you and everybody else this umbrella is so normal same thing that they was it a little little car yeah i was driving a chevy cruze i had been in for the last four or five years dude i had an 88 tercel easy hatchback same it's like a fred flintstone car man and it felt so good getting that big truck didn't it it did it felt great what's that truck payment every month um the payments were 640 a month i refinanced it but then again i stumbled upon the baby steps and everything and it seems like it's just a smarter idea to sell it especially with the market now yeah and then um you know maybe put in a little bit more or you know maybe get a smaller personal loan because i have to drive a lot for work because i'm in the construction trade so i'm all over cleveland ohio um no do you have any cash yeah you have any cash no we have the cash saved for just for the baby step number one um but not for the extra money for the car i mean i would get some money back from the truck i'm selling it though oh you would yeah but maybe about two or three thousand dollars then i would use that to get you to get you a small truck we're not gonna take out any more loans gavin you're gonna be the guy rolling up to the job site and people gonna look at you like you've got four eyes okay you're gonna sell this truck before the day is over or at least before the weekend is over and you're gonna go buy a two or three thousand dollar car two three thousand dollar truck and you're gonna suck it up and you're gonna save that money you're gonna get that thirty six thousand dollars paid off as quickly as possible and this is gonna be your uh your stupid tax when you're driving this car around and it's gonna man you are gonna hustle to get this student loan paid off right oh yeah for sure i picked up a part-time job on the weekends too so i should be making excellent 600 bucks a month excellent excellent excellent go get it go get it go get it but yeah brother sell this truck before the weekend is over and never go into debt again and dude don't go take out a small person alone and get another car don't do it don't do it don't upgrade just call it well and just think about when you get rid of this payment and you have a paid for three thousand dollar car that payment now goes to chipping away at that debt and you're gonna make so much more progress don't add to the debt when you don't have to and you don't have to you don't have to all right let's go to jessica in jacksonville florida hey jessica what's going on hey guys how are you guys great what's up i am calling because me and my husband actually bought a vehicle a chevy silverado two years ago 2019 to be accepted we finished paying it off earlier this year we paid off 21 000 within a year and a half of having the vehicle but now my husband wants to sell it because he wants a smaller vehicle that weighs less than gas and i don't know if we should sell you clearly do not want to sell it do you no because actually with the truck i we worked two jobs and we were paying we were making double the payments every month and then when we saved up like about like it was about 12 000 we just paid off the trust just like that sure so jessica this is not a math problem this is a marriage problem it's not a problem it's a marriage discussion it's not a math problem if you want to sell this truck and you all decide to sell the truck you own this thing outright you'll probably do pretty well in the market right now and y'all can buy a smaller car and you could probably buy two small cars and split it up um you don't want to sell this thing why don't you want to sell it do you like driving it or are you proud of the two of you for saving up and paying it off i think that i'm proud of having this vehicle be the first and the last vehicle that we were going to have in alone and i don't know like i just feel that if we sell it then we lose everything that we paid for because we paid 21 for the truck but when we went to a dealer they offered 16. so i'm open to selling it but i'm not open to just give it out for 16 000. well i mean jessica we we recommend you sell this private party and you're going to get a lot more money than you would at a trading a dealership for sure you may even get close to what um what you paid for it because the market is so crazy right now with inventory being low and used car the values are up especially if it's in good shape so don't let that deter you you just gotta do a little bit more homework and research put a really get really good photos get it cleaned up list it private party and then you will get more money but i appreciate your honesty because often we will make decisions financial decisions based on emotional basis it's like well we work for this it represents what we worked for even though things have changed and you may or may not need it or want it right now and it's like oh but i need to hold on to this because what it represents for me and sentimental value yeah yeah so i mean you guys do what's right for you just like you know you were saying deloney it's a it's a marriage conversation and decision um but you guys have the money you're gonna be fine financially either way but i would recommend selling at private party to get more so let's say you sell a private party and you come out uh straight across twenty one thousand days someone writes your chat for twenty one thousand dollars jessica to your point you haven't lost everything you worked for you and your husband did something knucklehead together you took out a loan for a truck and then you all worked together you worked really hard and you accomplished this cool goal and what you did as you're as a as a couple as you leveled up you realized we can dig ourselves out of a hole that we've created for ourselves by working really hard being the same team creating a goal dumping a bunch of money into something and making it happen so you haven't lost this thing and if you get 21 000 and choose to roll back off and buy a 15 000 car now you've got money to go in towards other debts and other things i lean away from sentimentalizing is that the right word stuff i just it's a car as a car as a car and at the same time man i say that to act all tough i really over sentimentalize things like that's like oh but this is the time and you know what i mean so i back away from that thing jessica what you all did together as a couple is great and it's not about the car it's about what you all accomplished as a couple and if you want to keep the truck you can just tell them hey honey we're not selling this thing yeah you you still accomplished it yeah it does not negate that at all uh delay i'm curious because you have worked with couples for a long time how do you help couples that are just at a standstill in a decision making about anything they just see it different it's to ask the question i said is this about the truck or is this about what's it really about what is the feeling here and one person has a feeling that says i it represents shame i shouldn't have done this i worked really hard 24 months to pay this thing off and now just stares at me and the drive was a reminder i'm an idiot and then for somebody else no this thing symbolizes what we can do right and so it has nothing to do with the truck it has everything to do with the meaning we're putting on this dumb car yeah we so often get uh you know people call in and say how do i get my spouse on board how do i get myself some board and we hear it with money the debt snowball we hear with business i'll have women call me hey how do i get my spouse on board with my business dream or whatever and i just always think that's interesting because um because it is hard in marriage you face decisions from gosh matt and i we're at a standstill about where to put the fence in our yard like the stupidest stuff all the way up to big stuff like a car or you know a business and so i'm just gonna tell you matt right now you can fight it brother but you're gonna end up putting that fence wherever christy wants it he won that one he totally won that one yeah he was right and he was right he won christy he lost he was matt balls matt you lost ball ugh you gotta take a dive on that one brother wherever christy wants to fence that's where the fence goes right here on the range show [Music] [Music] do this is the ramsey show triple eight eight two five five two two five it's triple eight eight two five five two two five let's go out to tim in grand rapids michigan hey tim what's going on yes hi how are you outstanding brother how are you good i'm just looking for some advice and i got three teenagers my oldest is 16 youngest is 13. great can we just stop you there right now um yeah how are you man i'm i'm i'm just going to go that's a lot of teenagers in a little bitty house brother yeah yes all right so 13 to 16 three teenagers all right go ahead um so he wants a car we got him a car for you know so i can go work in school i got him like a three four four thousand dollar car saturday because his mom wrecked the car that he was driving a couple weeks prior everybody's okay just the car's totaled so we needed to quit get a car so he could go to school and work and then monday his sounds like his mom bro bought him a honda civic were divorced they probably mentioned that so we don't agree on a whole lot of stuff but so then she knew i was getting this car she went with me to get it pick it up look at it and then monday my other kids i was dropping him off from school after work like why didn't he take my car to school it's like oh he got another one monday so i'm just trying to so i know he's there in a lot of debt with the honda civic i was trying to avoid that that's why i bought him a cheap four thousand dollar car so i don't i don't fully grab it so let me let me back out and make sure i got it so you've got a 16 year old son and you and his mom y'all are divorced so you took him and bought him a four thousand dollar car you agreed with your ex-wife on this and then she turned around and went and bought him another car that's nicer is that right yes okay and so what's your question um i was trying to i was trying to avoid because keeps paying her back for the honda civic so i was trying to avoid uh him going in debt if you have a good way to explain why it's not a good idea to go 20 dollars in debt for a car for a teenager to understand so your sixteen-year-old sons having to pay for this car yes how does he feel about that he thinks it's good because it's a nice car apparently so but i just feel i just don't want to start him out in that one how long has he had it monday i'm gonna throw this out there delaney you can speak to the relationships dynamics so much better than i can but i'll say this i wonder if he would feel differently after a few months of having to pay that payment after he's working extra hours not getting to use that money for you know hanging out with his friends like it's since it's already been bought to just let him feel the payment and then maybe and then maybe you try to revisit the issue again and say hey like this you know i mean you talk about how to communicate it but my mind's asking about it how do you feel about that well i don't know i'm just throwing that out there as an idea because teenagers are just so stinking short-sighted they're like all i'm thinking about is who i'm writing to the football game with friday night i can't think about the long term my future even the consequences of this payment until i feel it and so i just wonder if that would help him think about it differently when he has to make this payment if he really does i don't know tim is his name on this car or is your ex-wife's name on this car i i would have seen the next question i got to tell you man i i've been doing this a long time and it's rare that i just feel that i get i get mad in my chest and i got mad on your behalf i got mad on this little boy's behalf because um as you just mentioned teens are so so short-sighted i don't want to be i don't want to be ugly man but your son's mom is incredibly short-sighted and what she's passing along to him is a number of lessons here you you can you if your dad makes a a recommendation you know what who cares what dad says let's go do something different um hey you only have four thousand dollars to spend let's get a safe car let's get you to and from now let's just get a 20 000 the lessons here that he's picking up in this situation are heartbreaking and so here's the best you can do tim and this is this is something that you're gonna have to do and then you're gonna have to be the grown up here and set it down and that is this you can take your son out for breakfast you can take someone out for lunch and y'all just have a private time tell him like say hey man tell me about this car he's gonna tell you it's awesome it's nice and say you know what it is a really nice car you can do math 16 year olds don't always get math you can lay down and say hey i just want you to see this i'm giving you this 4 000 car your mom has done this it's a nice car it is really nice you have this option to have no payments and i want you to then explain i've chosen to live my life debt free i'm not chained to anything i can get up and walk away all those all the things you know about living a deaf free life you're not gonna run his mom down you're not gonna say your mom his your mom's stupid and she once again you're not gonna talk crap about her you're gonna talk about the choices you have made and then you're gonna tell him man there's gonna be a lot of friday nights you're out working it's gonna be a lot of wednesday nights after school and tuesdays you're out working it's gonna be exhausting you're gonna owe your mom money forever and after that meeting tim the conversation's over you can go sell this car you can let it sit i mean that's up to you brother you can let that thing sit but continuing to let it gnaw your soul while this is gonna happen and his in his um with his mom when he's staying with her it's gonna happen it's gonna happen and so i want you to clear your your heart on this deal sit him down and say hey brother this is the way the right way to i think to be doing this the way i'm choosing to live my life your mom obviously has done this and then you got to put it down you could be that guy that's like you can't bring that car to my house and that that's just putting that's just putting a wedge between you and your son i wouldn't do that right what do you think this is such a this is just i know i know and and it's just a hard road for you to walk to him and watch yeah i think the lesson here that you're talking about john that is so important that i want people to get and this is this is sort of what you're saying without saying but everybody can can relate to this you are not responsible for your families financial decisions yeah even when their parents yeah not your sister i mean you have say over your children that live in your household but even your adult children you can advise them you can have that coffee date same with your parents you can have that coffee date you can tell them hey here's what i've done here's what's worked for me but you cannot let it eat away at your soul because there's a boundary issue there of going you are not responsible you are not in control of what they do or don't do and you got to let that go because otherwise it's going to really weigh you down and i i don't make your 16 year old son the pawn in the middle of a parenting fight between you and your ex she handed him the keys to a brand new cool car and he's 16. and then she lovingly tagged him with the uh with the payments to this thing man that gets me fired up i'm most fired up on your behalf tim because of the undermining because you all too agreed on something let's do this let's do it this way y'all went picked out this car and then she swung one behind your back really disrespectful yeah it sucks and you're in a hard situation and so the only thing you can do in the situation is you can control your thoughts you can control your actions you can take the high road you can treat everybody with dignity and respect and you can go on about your day i do if i'm you i am gonna sit down and have a one-on-one with my son and say not lecture not you know what you should be here's what i've chosen to do with my money and because i chose to do this with my money i was able to buy you a four thousand dollar car with cash you know what i would do if i were in your shoes tim and i don't even know that this is right this is just kind of my gut is um i would have that conversation like you're saying over coffee i'd hang onto the car for a few months yeah and just let it be a visual of a payment-free life and and then after a few months if he still hasn't come around like because he may he may after i'm telling you after a few months of consequences you start to actually care a little bit more in any age in life by the way but especially teenagers he might get tired of those payments work on those friday nights he might see that car and go yeah mom no thanks so i don't know i might hang on to it for a couple months i mean if assuming it's paid for and cash on all the things tim it's not you know too big of a deal for you he may he may just come around he may just come around i hope he does here's the meta lesson here good folks when somebody some no matter who you are and and and where what happened what road you happen to be walking in life people are going to undermine you they're going to come behind your back they're going to look at your principles for how you're doing your money how you're doing whatever and they're going to say that's stupid and they're going to drop other things in your lap at that moment you have a choice you can go to war and let the bodies pile up or you can say i'm gonna take the high road here i'm gonna be the person of dignity and respect here's my boundary and i'm gonna walk this way right and that's the life of peace there's always moments you gotta fight we all have to we have to pick those moments but they're much they're much rarer than we like to like to imagine right tim i'm sorry for you brother take the high road on this one man [Music] [Music] so [Music] triple eight eight two five five two two five this is the ramsey show i'm john delonie joined by christy wright we're taking your calls on money and life and relationships and everything in between let's go to kerry in midland texas my old stomping ground hey carrie what's going on man not a lot how y'all doing we're doing great brother how can we help i i got a question and there's a lot of people out here that have asked me the same question and i don't know the answer we we work in the oil field it is such a boomer bus you know easter famine that the baby steps say you save up a thousand and then you work your way through all your debt and then you build your emergency fund for people that have a job like this that could literally be over within the next week and be laid off you should should you skip or should you swap step two and three to get to get that what good is it gonna do me to only owe ten thousand dollars on my truck if i don't have a job okay uh carrie i've got a question because i know that industry can be um really you know feast or famine but in your last five to seven years have you gone months and months without a paycheck uh i've been laid off three times in the last seven years yes okay and then what's the what's the because i i've got friends who work out in midland odessa area there what's the good years look like uh this year i'll make 190. yeah so i was thinking they're real good so how much debt i tripled my salary come out here what how much debt do you have uh about a hundred and eighty and sixty okay what do you have a hundred sixty thousand dollars in debt on i have a truck that had to meet certain requirements for my work that i get paid for and then we got rid of our rent house and everything back home we went and bought an rv my wife and i live out here and then she had a truck do you have debt on that rv uh yes come on carrie and which what does she have a truck for because she needs to she don't like walking and it's awful hot that's exactly what i was getting at so here's the thing i know i like you gary i i know you because you're one of my friends i know the lifestyle of the those out there working in the oil fields and dude those trucks you line them up out there and they are trucks of people who make a hundred and ninety thousand dollars a year and then well he does have an i granted she has an i don't have an asteroid i'm the work through yes here's let me tell you this you make 190 thousand dollars and y'all are broke you're no no no i didn't say we're broke no no no i'm telling you brother you're broke and here's why i've got about i've got about 14 000 saved up you carry you are broke you have a depreciating asset in an rv that you owe money on you have a truck that has to meet work requirements it's a depreciating asset that you owe money on your wife is driving some fancy midland truck and i know exactly the truck it is and it's a depreciating asset y'all are broke and you make too much money so to answer your original question and i know dude i'm breaking your heart brother and i would hug you if i was sitting here with you if the reason we say a thousand bucks this is as much a math problem as it is a psychology problem i want you to have a thousand dollars because i want there to be it is about a tire blew out and i don't have a used tire that i can afford because you are not going out to eat your wife is not driving a sixty thousand dollar truck you're not buying a uh rv on payments you're gonna get one off craigslist out there the thousand bucks inspires you to sprint run you are you are being chased by lions and you gotta get out of this debt and if you only have a thousand dollars you're not gonna stop and be like ah you know what let's just go and get that truck too no you're gonna keep sprinting and running because yeah you're right a thousand bucks isn't enough money it's not it's not enough to float you it's enough to just duct tape the thing so you can keep stumbling away because that line's coming for you coming for you and coming for you what y'all have what happens after you get past that point you know once you once you do have the money the flat tire is not going to be the end of your existence then you when you're out of debt then you immediately go to the three to six month emergency fund and then then you you blow out all four tires and it's annoying it's not a shape shifter you get laid off and you got six months emergency fund man then you can go work at subway for six months until the market comes back right or you can i mean what happens if i get laid off and i still got you know four thousand dollars a month in banknotes to pay that that's what i'm telling you only oh ten thousand dollars left so he doesn't have any money to pay but he's gotta have an emergency fund pick it up but carrie listen your three big debts are all depreciating assets you're not here what i'm saying sell your wife's truck today sell it today sell your rv today yo you'll lose money on the rv i'm being i mean again i'm being a smart aleck here carrie but you're trying to say hey we want to keep floating all these big fancy toys which is what a giant rv out there is and what a your wife's fancy truck is we have all these big fancy toys that we want to keep floating these things but then we're nervous we're going to get laid off yes you should be you should be freaked out that you're gonna get laid off because you have so much leverage on the other side of of your teeter-totter here sell everything get out of debt even if you have to move into a uh a hotel move into a one-bedroom apartment or trade that down for the cheapest possible rv you can have and then you're telling me you can't figure it out 190 000 a year you can you could be out of debt so fast on that income if you can get rid of some of these massive like you're saying these massive debts these massive things that you don't have to have you need something your wife does need a vehicle to get around but she doesn't need the vehicle that she has and and and that's what we're saying we're not saying get rid of these things and you know camp and walk everywhere we're just saying downsize it's exactly what we're talking about earlier of like we upgrade upgrade and yeah when you in your mind think i make 190 000 a year i deserve a big fancy truck if you pay for it in cash by all means we want you to have those things but when you're taking out debt you're actually broke on a really really good income and you work too hard and carry the position we want you to get in for short term yes downsize cut back drive embarrassing cars figure out where you're going all of that but then in the long term you're going to be in a position where you make a really good income and you can have those things but you don't have that stress so you get laid off so what because you've got so much money you're fine and here's the fun thing about getting laid off when you have no debt and you've been making 190 000 for two cycles then you go buy that truck from that person that's got to roll it off because they're broke and you buy it at half price right you go buy a really nice rv from somebody that's just got to unload it because they've got 160 000 in depreciating asset debt and you buy that rv for half price that's what we're talking about you got to survive one bust cycle and all of a sudden you're on top of this thing in a really major major way and so what i'm telling you is yes sell it man sell everything you got or get released get rid of your wife's truck go bananas paying off your smallest debt which is probably your truck then go bananas paying this rv you will not go to a restaurant you're not going to go to a movie you're not going to go to a concert your wife's going to be working too y'all are going to be out of your minds on this deal work and work you're going to pick up extra shifts you're going to keep going and going and going and then when you get it laid off which you will you know how that thing busts it's going to be annoying and then you and your wife are going to go on a trip you're going to take that rv somewhere and you can go work it it becomes limitless there's something about there's something about that thousand dollar emergency fund because it's just enough for that tire like we're talking about that it does light that fire under you and carrie the reality is as long as you keep justifying that debt staying around it's gonna stay around and you're gonna stay broke what we're trying to tell you to do is different it is intentionally designed to fire you up to be a little bit scared to get you to work really hard get rid of this stuff and do something different so you get a different outcome you're not going to get that different outcome by being okay with these things hanging around where you're just not and so we're trying to put you in a position that actually motivates you to do something different that's what's going to lead to different results you made 190 000 this year and you are broke bro you 160 000 and it shouldn't be that way and you know that man that's why you're calling and again brother i love you because i know you you are my friends you're the guys i went to college with you're the guys i hung out with you're the guys that were headed to med school and were like man i can make way more money out here i know you carry and that's why i want to i want to tell you that i love you and i want to tell you that there is peace on the other side of this thing too going to sleep knowing if i get laid off tomorrow so what that'll be no big deal then we're going to get a truck on discount baby all right thanks so much for the call carrie hey that's one more hour in the books we'll be back before you know it right here on the ramsey show [Music] dave here we just launched a brand new listener survey we want to know what you think about the show you'll be entered to win a 100 amazon gift card no purchase necessary take the survey at ramseysolutions.com survey or text survey to 33 789 [Music] this is the ramsay show [Music] you can be intentional about your character you can have money and a career you are the hero in your story [Music] live from the headquarters of ramsey solutions broadcasting from the dollar car rental studio this is the ramsey show where america hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money and your relationships and everything else i'm dr john dolone joined here with my good friend best-selling author and all-around just good human being christy wright we are taking your calls on pretty much anything right anything triple eight eight two five five two two five anything that was you said that so boldly i mean we're here for you whatever you wanna talk about we wanna talk to you hey listen before we get going we got a a board full of calls over here kelly's been working hard um we're one week out yeah tell us about it new book take back your time the guilt-free guide to life balance it launches one week from tuesday so that's september 14th and so that means that you have one week to go ahead and get your pre-order for you for a friend christmas gift whatever but y'all get it in pre-order because here's why when you do you get all these free bonus things so get it and then give your friend the ebook or the audiobook or whatever it doesn't matter it helps us uh hit the list which is it just opens up doors for opportunity for media and for marketing and to just uh help more people which is what we want to do so we want to say thank you we give you the ebook audiobook free by the way you know what something i have not talked about at all so i'll mention it real quickly talk about it when i wrote this book i intentionally designed a free workbook that goes with it so when you get this book you get a free workbook that chapter by chapter has templates for you to do what i'm telling you to do so for example in the chapter on creating your ideal schedule when i walk you through how to do that the workbook has a template for how to do that or when i talk about setting priorities through workbook has a template so that's a pretty cool feature that i thought you know what i don't want people to just read it cause there's a lot of tactical steps and takeaways i created a workbook and the you get it when you get the book um it's a free digital workbook and so it just allows you to follow it step by step one of my reviews that came in today i was so thankful said the workbook is the tool you need to do this it is so valuable blah blah so it was just really nice and um and yeah so it i want to help you put this into action i don't want you just read it i want you to actually change your life with it that's why we do what we do so so can i ask you a question one week yeah your hesitation is making me nervous excited for this question i don't know which i should you just said create your ideal schedule yeah that sounded amazing you don't know why but i have a spouse and two little crazy kids they're not crazy but they're going great and i've got an incredibly demanding boss right same we share i've got incredibly demanding co-workers kelly that's a whole other story right how do i create my ideal schedule so it sounds kind of it's ideal within your current reality it's not ideal in an alternate reality where you have no kids and you're living on the beach that does sound fantastic but here's the thing and the reason i walk you through this exercise and this is a powerful and very common practice in coaching business and life coaching but the reason we do is because when you look at your current schedule you can't think clearly you're just so in the weeds of all your commitments and all the things you're so used to doing and so you try to move the puzzle pieces around and you just get overwhelmed and you end up with maybe a slightly different mess but you don't question the mess to begin with and so what i want you to do is i want you to start with a blank slate and go okay let me plot the things i know i have to do okay i've got work i've got to take the kids to school these are things i have to do in my real reality but then from there you'll be amazed at how much time you still have to fill with things that are in line with what's most important to you right now versus oh well i've been but i've been doing that for four years was it still right for you because it helps you think about it more clearly and differently when you start to move things over okay i'm gonna put things i have to do then i'm gonna move over things i want to do that are important and a priority right now and then i'm gonna add some new things that maybe i never had time for before you and i were talking even during the break how man some seasons that are hard can make marriage hard i i personally experience that it is so hard to stay connected to mad and have fun with matt when you just have three kids screaming in your ears and a book coming out and speaking engagements and right and yeah and so matt i just told matt can i have yeah i know you hate that word it's like a cuss word to you it is um but it's like okay well and then let me add let me add something to the schedule i'm gonna add thursday night date night we're gonna get a babysitter and at least twice a month if not more we're gonna go on a date night well if i don't think about that and think about what's important to me and put it on paper on purpose then i could go four months and matt and i don't go on a date we don't mean to but we're just so stinking busy with this mess we live in and we don't question the mess and so it's just a it's just a an exercise to help you look at a different it's not that you're you're going to go move to the beach and neglect your responsibilities but it does help you think about it with fresh eye so that's an example of something that's in the book everything's very tactical because i want to take this elusive idea of balance and break it down to step say hey if you do this you'll be creating your version of balance but there are templates to help you do that because i think that makes it really actionable i love love it's valid valid question man when you said in your reality then that's that's that ends up being something i talk about all the time right which is yeah you got to let that fantasy go that's not the world you live in right yeah and that could be a number of i want a husband who i want a wife who it doesn't exist and and the other piece of this is if we're not careful and this is the reason i like this exercise if we're not careful we feel as if we are victims to our schedule and anything on your calendar something you put there or you allowed to be there my friend roy vaden said that and i love that it puts us back in the driver's seat you're already in control of your schedule you just need to realize and live like it so yes there are some real restraints job taking kids to school etc outside of that which again you choose those things as well you know there are buses there are alternate you know carpools whatever christie it just once you start to realize oh i'm not a victim i'm in control here then you begin to design your week your day your life and connect with your spouse on it one of the things i have i have journal questions at the end of the book and and challenges one of every chapter connects with your spouse connect to their spouse what's important to them in this season what do they want this season to look like what's their version of balance look like what boundaries you know and so this is not um something you do on your own in a vacuum but man it brings similar to a budget it brings you guys together as a team um and then you realize wow i'm not a victim i can actually incorporate things that are most important to me right now and and just with more intention take control of my schedule take back your time that's why i love the title because it's so active it's like take it the idea of of man suddenly you look up and it's been four years and i just always watch tv on these two nights and this is the way bedtime routine has to look with these kids this is the what i do when i get home from work and suddenly that's 30 minutes here and 45 minutes here and then two hours here but i don't have time to work out i don't have time to write my wife a nice note i don't have time to do the laundry i can only do it on saturdays because i don't have time to start that business i don't have time i don't have time there's i'm gonna do it when there's time left over and then dang it it's been seven years there's never time left over right right you don't find time you make time you make it so if it's important you put on the calendar and everything's not important all the time i mean i the one of the things that i think is so key to this and this is important for everyone listening right now especially those of you guys that are in baby step two i wanna speak to you right now everything is not important all the time this is a season so you need to decide what makes the cut in this season in your money and in your time it's just a season there are things that don't make the cut right now because i'm launching a book my house is not that clean i'm not working out not seeing friends i did that this summer but in this season i don't make the cut that's okay you get to decide what matters to you in the season you're in and that's going to help set you free there's something about just clearing the deck and saying let's start with a fresh piece of paper and say what's really important yep what does this have to look like and not what it has what does it have to look like and then we can get to it love that you don't find tiny love it love it love it all right 825 5225 we're taking calls on anything and everything give us a shout right here on the ramsay show [Music] what makes our show unique is that we genuinely care about our listeners we're intentional about choosing the best advertisers to recommend blinds.com is no exception they offer high quality window treatments at unbelievable prices and they make it simple to shop blinds shades and interior shutters with easy online ordering free shipping and a guaranteed perfect fit go to blinds.com and take advantage of this week's special savings [Music] [Music] let's go out to taylor in spokane washington hey uh yeah taylor hey taylor what's going on oh not much how are you guys doing good hey there's a tyler on on the board too here so i looked at taylor and i started to say tyler then i got all confused i'm sorry man i'm doing this so what's going on brother how can i help that's okay well i think you guys might have already answered my question a little earlier uh-oh but um that's okay i'm calling about my wife she's trying to start a little bit of a business um her and i've been married 14 years and today happens to be her birthday oh happy birthday to her that's awesome yeah but she in the last four years um she's been developing her art talent and she does watercolors custom watercolors portraits different things anyway she's tried over the last few years to develop that a little bit more but as a stay-at-home mom with four kids it's kind of tough yeah to find that that schedule and the timing and she's done things like put it on social media and and uh you know some of those uh diy cell websites and whatnot but uh nothing's really kind of taken off and it hasn't been the success that she's wanted it to be what are the ages of your kids twelve eleven seven and four okay and is the four-year-old in any type of school where she has some time at home or is she pretty much with the the four-year-old all the time um some of the times she does a co-op preschool and so she teaches with that too some of the times so yeah okay well that's important because if you were saying you know we have four kids under age seven then that's a very different answer than if you've got four kids where um most of them are in school and she has some of the time she can block that on her schedule um here's one of the things that i would say taylor is um the the idea of business especially to a creative like your wife sounds like she is especially to someone that's never done anything in business before it sounds really intimidating so one of the things that you can do in real in just a really supportive way is encourage her in small steps so it doesn't have to be some big thing we're going to get it set up and get logos and make it this big that's actually super intimidating and you don't have to do it so just encourage her like hey like yeah let's put it on our facebook page hey what if you open an etsy shop what did you say she's where has she put it so far uh she's got it on facebook and etsy and instagram okay and she's it's just not uh she's just not getting customers yeah yeah pretty much okay that can be super discouraging when you're starting out because you think oh people don't like me this is never gonna work see i knew i wasn't cut out for business um it's gonna be hard for me to really uh analyze that without knowing why you know is it the pricing is it the messaging is it the you know is it the product i don't know but here's what i would love to do taylor we have a um event coming up in nashville but it's also live stream for the business boutique october 14th through the 16th so i'd love it if you'll just stay on the line i'll have kelly give you a ticket to give your wife where she can view the live stream we will talk all about marketing we're talking about messaging we're going to give her some specific things she can take away and apply to what she's doing and then she'll be able to look at her facebook posts or or product descriptions on etsy through the lens of this uh some of these best practices in marketing and that type of thing social media and then also we'll send you a business boutique book to get her started before then so she doesn't have to wait till mid-october to um to start to learn some of that but i think that the biggest thing that you can do is just continue to believe in her and encourage her and remind her that it's normal to be slow getting started it's normal to to learn as you go and figure out what works and what does it and by the way every person that's ever been successful in any type of business has done that exact same thing that's what we do here that's what small businesses do and big corporations do everybody is starting somewhere and everyone is figuring it out as they go learning and adapting and she's just in the learning phase and that is a super normal part of the process but the fact that she has you in her corner is an awesome thing because that is going to mean so much to her to believe in her even when she doesn't believe in herself taylor and you do and i think that's awesome so stay on the line and we'll have kelly give you the business boutique book and then a ticket to the business boutique conference for her whenever you um whenever she can view that on live stream and hey taylor last night um i'll give you the other perspective here i'm the husband on the other side of this my wife is also starting a business last night i sat across a table from her and said it's now we're entering what i would call the vulnerable season especially for creatives right it's not a matter of i just want to start a uh i don't know a house painting job this is i am putting a piece of myself on a camera so this is yeah this when they reject this painting they're rejecting me right um i leaned across the table and said how can i best support you in this season and what i didn't do was i didn't say what you should be doing is you should be doing this and hey you should call this guy because he's going to help it was how can i support you in this season and i'm gonna let her my brilliant talented wife speak to me and not try to solve her problems for her does that make sense yeah it does i want her to know i'm on her side but that i'm not trying to undermine her i don't know her business or her heart but all those things so i'm always going to loot back and it's become a weekly thing how can i support you now like i said and she's saying i'm entering vulnerable season now or this is just business creation season or this is just how can i support you and i'm gonna ask her to be honest with me there's such a great lesson there too for anybody though for any marriage conversation around this because often we think we know what the other person needs and we go right to that or what we would want if we were in their shoes but we're not them and so i love that there's just there's such a something so powerful in the simplicity of asking the person you want to help what type of help they need how can i help if your partner asks you how can i help don't say nothing you've got to be honest too right on the other side yes you've got to tell the truth and say you know here we go we can help you yeah all right let's go to matthew in trenton new jersey what's up matthew how are we doing hi thank you for taking my call you bet man what's up um so my fiance and i uh moved in together in july um and uh i don't have any debt she has a student loan but she has been uh crushing her debt for the last uh nine months she's paid off about forty thousand dollars so far um and i didn't want um you know pre prior to living together i was living at home with my parents and she was wearing all her parents so you know we're both now um new until like we're paying bills we've got rent and um all these all these payments um and so i wanted to do a nice thing and volunteer and say you know what i'm going to cover the bills for the next four months because she's expected to be debt-free in october and i said you know what i don't want to derail your debt-free journey i want to do a nice thing and help out and i mean i don't have any debt i have a good amount of savings i can afford it the problem is i feel anxiety spending so much money i'm not used to that like i said i was living at home what are y'all getting married man you're a lot of money uh next summer next summer so here's what i want you to do um have you all started premarital counseling of any kind no we have not okay you're both moving from your parents house to um now you're being playing grown-up okay and so i want you all to go sit down with somebody who's going to be a premarital counselor what's going to do they're going to pose questions as a neutral third party and they are going to teach you guys how to have these conversations in the meantime because here's what's going to happen she's going to feel like your charity case you're going to feel um you're going to feel guilty you're gonna feel weird and suddenly that guilt and weirdness that's why we tell people man if you're gonna play house get married and then put all of your money in the same account and work together on this deal because what you're doing now is you're trying to do both things here you're trying to practice living together you're trying to practice the money thing and then you're gonna have all these interconnected feelings and drama and then you're gonna it's gonna be her fault and your your fault it's gonna become a mess real quick you're already feeling that right yeah yeah exactly so and by the way you're gonna take the way you did it at your house and that's the only way you know and she's going to take the way she did at her house and there's going to be this it's going to be a mess and so if you're going to wait a whole year to get married i mean you're already there i'd say go find somebody this weekend just to the piece and get this thing done and then you dump it all in the same account and go for it if you're not going to do that then i want you to go get a pre-marital counselor and you all start walking through some actual steps that you can take to make sure you're having the right conversation you're staying on the same page and y'all are learning how to become teammates because man you're trying to change the oil in this car while it's driving down the road at 85 miles an hour and you can flip this thing if you're not careful okay don't get over dramatic go meet with somebody and y'all start walking through these plans together we'll be right back on the ramsay show [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] lines.com's 100 satisfaction guarantee means even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color they'll remake your blinds for free you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more use promo code ramsey to get the best deal rules and restrictions apply today's question comes from bianca in arizona she asks my boyfriend of four years and i recently started listening to your podcast and have been working on a budget and our debt snowball i know you recommend not paying off your boyfriend or girlfriend's debt if you're not married but my boyfriend insists on paying off my debt to move us closer to marriage and a family however when he's upset about our spending he starts by saying if it weren't for me helping you christy i don't like this dude this makes me hesitant about allowing him to do anything for me and it's starting to weigh me down how should i handle this situation i think they should go see the premarital counselor that matt and i saw them make her think twice you haven't walked in the aisle yet um i don't like i don't like that attitude i don't like it at all i don't like your ass it's not a gift if you're gonna hold it over my head aside from the other issues it there are so many issues i just want to highlight that one it's the gasoline power nonsense i don't like it at all you need me you need me here's a gift what do you mean it's i'm running this uh bianca i would tell you to run run run but you got four years invested and so i know that would be a snap judgment based off something i'm just reading here and i haven't um ever met you but this is why one of the one reason why we tell you don't pay off your boyfriend or girlfriend's debt because you're not married you're not in this whole thing together there's still some lucy goose here and you're finding out something about your boyfriend that's really powerful which is he's gonna consider things a gift and then hold it over your head right and by the way having debt doesn't keep you from getting married and starting a family in fact you all do that together as part of your journey together right i don't like any of this so i think you're actually we're joking but i think you're right you need to go see a premarital account a pre-marriage counselor today right i have so many questions if she if if she's working on her debt i assume she's at least in her early 20s i mean this is a major assumption here so maybe not but i'm going i don't know unless you're super young you know i'm maybe you're in the mid late 20s at least you're super young why why haven't y'all gotten married yet four years why haven't i got married yet unless you know like i said unless you're second thing i love how she said um he insists on paying my debt to move us closer to marriage and a family let me tell you how you move it close your family you put a ring on it that's how you move us closer to marriage and you could you could do that you don't have to pay off the debt first again what jumps out to me in this is the and it's in quotes so she's quoting him i'm guessing here if it weren't for me helping you i don't like this power dynamic i don't like the dynamic i don't like the control i don't like the attitude and here's the thing if he's acting like this now bianca i know you thought you were asking a money question if he's acting like this now when you're not married i don't want to see the version of him when he thinks he has more authority as your husband and mother like it so here's something bianca you say it here and i'm going to reiterate your own words back to you this makes me hesitant about allowing him to do anything for me including be my husband including make humans with me right and it's starting to weigh me down yes you said it those are your words i love how you said that those are her words those are your words and i want you to listen to what you wrote read what you wrote you can't listen to what you wrote re-read what you wrote your your instinct feels correct to me the um one of the most beautiful and difficult and beautiful aspects of marriage is being vulnerable this is the person you're the most vulnerable with of anybody else and a one of a beautiful gift in marriage is allowing your your spouse to do things for you and them and vice versa and and you do and you will have to there are times matt has seen me of my lowest lowest lows and my worst worst worst worst worse and um that's a gift to get to go through the worst of the worst times with the person you love the most as they carry you when you're at your worst and you carry them when you're at their worst that's trust that's what that is that's trust and you don't have that bianca and he's not proven worthy of it you're right in your assessment that you're hesitant about allowing him to do anything i don't like it and i want to speak to the other side if you are somebody who gives a gift if you are somebody who's helping somebody through a tough time don't ever say if it weren't for me don't ever say but without me you wouldn't be it's a gift and if you use kindness and weaponize it as a as a tool to get power if you um show up with food as an roi that uh they're gonna owe you later what a sad way to live if you're gonna give a gift give a gift if you're going to commit and say hey i'm gonna i we've agreed for whatever reason i don't agree with it but if we've agreed we're not going to get married we're not going to start a family till we're out of debt and i'm going to help you out then help out and shut your mouth help out if it weren't for me helping you if there's strings attached it's not a gift if you bring it up again there's it's not a gift and really what and i love how you called out this side of people because i've known people like that i get it here's the thing if you bring it up again it's not a gift if there's strings attached it's not a gift and what you're saying and what you're showing is that this is about you what a hero you are what a big dog you are that you can do xyz and you're using it as a weapon of manipulation and power and control and and no one likes that and and no one wants to be around that yeah no one wants your gift there's not a gift in the world there's not an amount of money in the world that would make me jump for someone saying that i'm going to hold this over your head i'm like cool i'll walk bye felicia i'm out we go we go there's nothing that's going to yeah all right let's see if tyler and sacramento can redeem this segment i'm just starting to get my blood pressures up tyler what's up what's up guys thanks for taking my call tyler save the segment here man i'm getting all frustrated what's up help us okay okay so i'm 26 and my wife and i have been married for a year we got married during the pandemic and um we started doing the dave ramsey baby steps we're on baby step two um the only the only debt that we have is our student with my student loans but i guess ours ours there you go i'm trying i'm trying to redeem it and um we have older cars so they were but wine was gifted to me by my grandma i didn't have to pay for it and my wife's her parents helped her pay for it and they're a little bit older they're kind of reaching like really high mileage and so i guess the question that i have for you guys is how should we approach replacing probably my wife's car when that time comes while we're paying debt do we like take our student loans and like pause them and then save up for a couple months to buy like a used car that'll keep us going do we just try to use one car we both work and my wife goes to school and i work full time how much how much debt we have about five thousand forty eight forty five to forty five forty eight thousand student loans um and we have our thousand dollars saved up but we also have a little bit of overage for savings because we just started doing this uh recently um and so we were just trying to figure out should we just throw all of that how much do you make how much you make man before uh taxes together we make about 76 000. okay when will you be out of debt have you all tracked that yeah so it just depends on how much we we put down so i collected like right now if we don't change anything about uh two and a half years but um i just started doing a side hustle so whatever money i make from that i plan i just put it towards that so i mean realistically maybe in about two years we could be able to here's the deal tyler um you can do it faster i want you and unless that car completely stops moving you're not going to replace it i want baby step two is designed for this you are a a gazelle hanging out on the planes and a lion pops out of the grass and is chasing you to kill you you have a thousand dollars and that thousand bucks is for absolute emergencies you're going to take any of your other savings you're going to vote at this student loan debt and you're going to work two side hustles on top of a third side hustle and you are going to beat the life of these cars you're going to beat it right so no you're not gonna save up for cars if one falls apart you're gonna buy a thousand dollar car this is gonna get you from a to b until you can get out of debt and say but for another one right the goal here is to scratch claw and sprint your way to pay these things off 18 months max probably 15 months if you'll really hurry and then you start saving up for cars [Music] [Music] so [Music] today's scripture of the day is psalm 16 8. i have set the lord always before me because he is at my right hand i shall not be shaken booker t washington says character not circumstance makes the person who say that one again character not circumstance makes the person booker t my man all right let's go to susan in detroit hey susan what's going on hi guys how are you outstanding how can we help um thank you so much for taking my call to my favorite ramsay personality right that's what we've been saying susan you're our favorite you're our favorite i'm hoping you guys can help me i'm a little bit um and short i feel like i i lost my mojo and i'm trying to get it back where'd it go where'd it go i don't know so [Music] the quick and dirty version is that i am my youngest our youngest child uh will be graduating high school in two years and so um i have been primarily a stay-at-home mom for the past seven years um accidentally it was not the plan but it was kind of god's plan and that's the way it worked out um so that's okay but basically um i originally had plans to go to law school right out of undergrad um but i met my husband and we married right out of undergrad and he's ex-navy so i ended up following him through his military career well now we're at the point where um our youngest kid is getting ready to graduate and my resume because i've been primarily a stay-at-home mom it looks like the resume of a military spouse so um i've got a little bit of everything here and there but i'm really wanting to move forward and kind of get back on that path to doing what i um want to do career-wise for me and i am concerned about whether or not i'm moving in the right direction because i'm torn between law school and entrepreneurship and i'm trying to find a way to merge my passions and my interests and still um and not waste money because we're also on baby step two how old are you susan i am 46. 46. susan for the first time in a long time you get to think about what just you want to do that's a big deal like this is a really special moment in time that you get to think about what you want to do and that can be really exciting it can also be super overwhelming because maybe it's law school which was the dream a long long time ago and maybe it's something totally new and totally different and what's so what's so cool about this moment is that you have a ton of options you don't have to make the decision tomorrow and you have permission to try some stuff you don't have to it doesn't have to feel like this huge big commitment i'm definitely going to do this and commit and put all this money behind the scissors you can spend some time just figuring it out figuring out what you enjoy what's life giving testing experimenting trying some stuff and so i just i just want to encourage you you're at a really special moment and i have i have seen friends go through this moment where their kids are in school and it can be exciting it can also be terrifying but i just want to encourage you that the possibilities are endless and you don't have to commit today right now to what the one thing you're going to do in this new season is you can test and experiment so susan you may have heard me tell this story before and but i i like telling it so i'll do it again at 43 42 or 43 maybe 44. my mom took her first community college class a couple of miles from my childhood home and i think that we took algebra together sounds like your kids are ahead of me we took i was a freshman in high school we either took algebra together or geometry or something she took one class in the next semester she took one more class and then the next semester she took two and she had my dad cheering her on she had a couple of us we were still trying to figure things out because suddenly we were doing the laundry on her own and figuring stuff out as we were going right at age 57 after working at enron deloitte touch and some fancy pants places she graduated with her phd and became an english professor and at 70 she just rolled off to go back to be a professor after being a department chair this is a woman who would not get on an airplane who's now spent the last decade flying to wales and oxford and t being a professor all over the world and that started at 43 or 44. and so here's the thing take one community college class just one and if you don't like it it costs you 59 an a credit hour right that's a that's a fancy dinner and you can take one class and say man law school is not for me i was also the dean of students at a law school i had multiple students who were second career folks in their 30s 40s 50s and they're in law school classes with 22 year olds and it makes for a really wacky dynamic but you know what they are after three years lawyers right that's what they are yeah so here's the question you have to ask yourself at age 50 which you're going to be do you want to be a lawyer at age 50 or not do you want to have an associate's degree in a new thing or not you want to have a small business or not those are the magic questions are they scary yes but i'll tell you you can change your entire here's what here's what that allowed me to do can i tell you something crazier it allowed me at my early 40s when i had accomplished my dream job at my dream university to say i'm gonna do something crazy and take a complete left turn and come work for this wacky crew here at ramsey solutions and here you are so that's that one decision changed an entire legacy in a home right it gave all of my mom's kids permission to just follow our noses do the next right crazy thing to be tethered in etc etc susan one thing stay on the line too because ken coleman's new book from paycheck to purpose in the beginning of that book he walks you through how to really get clear in what you'd want to do and i think that would be really helpful for you in this season and he has the path to help you pursue it and then as well i'll have kelly send you a copy of business boutique if you do decide to go the small business route or even a side business like delaney and are saying you can experiment one community class and maybe work on something on the side and just test some of these things to see what makes you light up and come alive and that you want to pursue at a low risk level so stay on the line i'll have kelly send you uh or gets you pre-ordered for ken's new book that comes out in november my new book that comes out next week or the next week and um and as you get those in your hands those just gives you some tools to start walking you through some questions to ask yourself to get clear on what that looks like for you in this journey and one last thing to not forget susan and actually it's not just not just for susan this is for everybody when your kids are becoming sophomores juniors seniors it's gonna feel like you have a hole in your heart that is just getting bigger and bigger and that's just called grief it's just called sadness because your kid's moving on and you miss those little days i told my daughter last night she's five she has permission no more to keep growing she's as tall and as big as she's allowed to be that's it we're done that's it and she said my birthday's coming and we're gonna have cake and when i have cake then i become six and that's just how that works it's okay to feel sad and to begin making plans at the same time right you're not crazy or nuts or bananas if you are if your heart's broken your kid's going to college you've been a stay-at-home mom this is the thing right it's gonna have a season you're gonna have a season of grieving and a season of excitement and a season of this is so scary and a season of dipping your toe in the water or jumping all in or all of it all at the same time and so it's going to feel overwhelming so make sure you got a crew of people that's going to walk through this with you make sure you got two or three women that you trust that you can text and say am i crazy and they'll go yeah but keep going anyway right that you're going to have a gang because it's going to be all of this all at the same time and then man at 50 years old susan's gonna call us and be like what's up suckers do you all need some legal representation gonna be so so good so so good what are you gonna do at 43 christie oh my gosh i am not as much of a planner as you think i am i'm like let me get through the next 43 minutes 11 kids under three that's right i do have 11 kids i have three kids but it feels like 11 and yeah it's just it's like what i'll tell you my hope i wrote this down this morning when i was journaling my hopes for this season is that i can be fully present for it it's easy to be so exhausted with little kids or anybody in a hard season that you wish it away i don't wanna wish it away i wanna be right where i am be where your feet are wherever you are be there don't wish it away big thanks to ben on the boards and to kelly daniel they're taking the calls it's good to see your smiling faces staring back at us and thank you america for being with us we'll see you soon right here on the ramsay show [Music] dave here we just launched a brand new listener survey we want to know what you think about the show you'll be entered to win a 100 amazon gift card no purchase necessary take the survey at ramseysolutions.com survey or text survey to 33 789. [Music] you

Channel: The Ramsey Show - Full Episodes

Views: 19,295

Rating: 4.719101 out of 5

Keywords: dave ramsay live, dave ramsey, dave ramsey channel, dave ramsey live, dave ramsey live show, dave ramsey live stream, dave ramsey podcast, dave ramsey radio show, dave ramsey show, dave ramsey show full show, dave ramsey show live, ramsey, ramsey solutions, the dave ramsey show, the dave ramsey show live

Id: 9l1FOv_7Hqk

Length: 121min 25sec (7285 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 03 2021