- All right guys, the desert temple's gotta be around here somewhere. - Remind me why we need
to find the stupid temple. - The Arch-Illager is using it to summon the army of the undead! (zombie groaning) - Just how I like my
zombies, nice and slow. (smacking) Huh, his one's a tough one, ow! Hey, get back here old man! - You'll never catch me, sonny! - Fricking boomers, man. - Whoa, check it out, it's a beacon! - Hmm, I wonder how we activate it. I wonder... (clicks) - Thank you. - Sorry Mr. Cow, but I need health and I don't wanna waste a
cool-down with my potion. - I understand, have your
way with me. (screams) - Hmm, apple cow? - I think it's pretty obvious
that was an apple cow, yes. All right, we need to open this gate. - Judging by what's on the
other side of that thing, we might just want to
keep that gate closed. - Ah ha, the golden key. - Let's name him Goldilocks since he's gold and he opens locks. You guys just don't know good humor. - C'mon, line up, hey,
good to see ya, goodbye. You know I'm not sure how much longer this killing is gonna be fun for. - Baby zombie! - Ha ha, oh man, that was great! - Prepare for an ambush
of my deadliest mobs. - Oh man, I can't believe it. I'm part of the group! - Wait, no, what is he doing here? (explosion) You know, I really expected
that to be a bit more climatic. Anyways, I'll see ya. (car zooms away) - We did it, we found the desert temple! Who knows what truths and
treasures await us inside. - Oh man, I'm gonna miss the warm breeze, palm trees, even the cactus's. - Um, that's a creeper. - Okay, let's get the hell inside. All right, stay on high alert. There's a lot of undead
enemies wandering this temple. - Oh, what do you know? There's one literally
standing directly in our path. - That's right, and you'll never destroy the enchanted staff of The Nameless One. - Hey, should this guy be giving
away all this information? - Nameless One? - Yes, the powerful ruler
of The Nameless Kingdom. Good luck getting to the secret
tomb where he can be found. - Okay, I'm just gonna go over here and pretend I'm not hearing this. - Take me to your nameless ruler. Huh, didn't expect him to die actually. Follow me, the tombs gotta be this way. (groans) - Check it out, sliced ham. (groans) Actually, these
traps aren't so funny. - Hey, let's all walk across
this narrow bridge together. What could possibly go wrong? - Prepare to die again,
you undead dead people. - Very creative. - Ooh, check it out, grim armor. - Isn't that kind of disrespectful? You know, wearing a corpse like that. - Oh, who am I gonna upset, a skeleton? - Hey, that dude's wearing Kevin! That's my dead cousin, you mother (bleep). - Dude, Kevin is gone, let him go. - All right, we made it to the tomb. - Let's loot some ancient caskets. - Uh, guys. - [Pig] He's sleeping,
should we wake him up? - What are those other skeletons doing? Just watching him sleep? Creepy, much. - Prepare to die at the
hands of The Nameless One. - Ah, so you're The Nameless One? - Let's name him Larry! - What, no! Prepare for the most intense
battle of your lives. - Dude, it's Dungeons. I'm gonna move to the
left and shoot my arrows. (intense music) (arrows flying) He dropped his staff. - Destroy it! (stomping) All right, now to just escape the temple. - Hey, those guys are
trying to escape the temple. Get him! - This one is for Kevin! - Stan, pull out your
Totem of Regeneration. We might need it. - Oh man, look how cute that thing is. Can I hold him? - Of course. (gentle piano music) - Hey, it worked! Ah, the snowy mountains. Stick out your tongue and
catch some snowflakes. - Blegh, that's not snow, it's ash. - Yes, idiots, we're at Fiery Forge. - Whoa, this is where the Arch-Illager builds his weapons of destruction! - Well that explains why it's filled to the T with skele-dorks. Well, no better option
than to battle through 'em. (door slams) Okay, there might have
been some better options. - Heads up, looks like we're about to run into some old friends. - Hey, pillager, longtime no see, man. What've you been up to? - Oh, you know, robbing,
killing, the usual. - Nice, nice. - Hey, it's those guys who murdered hundreds of our family members. Oh, damn it old man. - Sorry, sonny. - Hey, it's like a cool
little house in here. In fact, I'm staying in here. It's safer. - What, no dude, come on. We gotta make it to the core. - Get out of my room. You're not my real dad! - Man, I don't mind those
skeletons and vindicators, but what I really hate
are redstone golems. Oh God, there's one behind me isn't there. (grunts) Did you just backhand me? - Run! - Oh God, there's enemies everywhere. - Where, I don't see them. - They're way over there, off screen. Good thing these arrows aim themselves. (arrows fly) - Stan, that's a core activator. You need to overload it. (grunts) (explodes) Oh God, don't look now, but there's a giant redstone
monstrosity behind you. - What, monstrosity? - No, that's literally what you're called. You're a redstone monstrosity. - Get him, cubes! - In my next life, don't
let me come back as a cube! - Come here, I'm gonna squash you. - Not so long as my totem of shielding-- (rocks crumble) - [Narrator] Stan used every
single artifact that day. The corrupted beacon, the fireworks arrow, even the stinky shoe, an
un-lockable DLC weapon available in the game
through micro-transaction. The monstrosity eventually was killed. Though it was not by
the doings of our hero. He slammed the ground so hard that he fell into a
pool of scorching lava. - The Arch-Illager will
just love this party we are throwing for him! (groans) - Allow me to tenderize that meat for you. - Now this is what I
call crashing a party. (tableware crashes) - Hey, this party is invite only! Guards, get them! - Ooh, finally I get to help out! As the Royal Guard, I
declare you an enemy to the-- What the, where'd my shield go? I swear, I just had it-- (yells) When I catch you, I'm gonna mace you good! - Phew, we made it outside. - Uh oh, this place is filled with mobs. - Yeah, loser mobs. Look at these basic ass zombies and nonthreatening skeletons. I mean, they're not even allowed inside. They just got to hang out in these tents, like some homeless bums. - We're not losers. - Shut up loser! Hey, there's a chest. - What could be inside? - Bread and arrows, like always. - It is bread and arrows! (groaning) All right, the Arch-Illager
should be in here. - So, you've made it to my throne room. Unfortunately for you,
there's an army of-- Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? - Oh, I thought maybe
I could just kill you. - No, no, no, that's not how this works. You fight my mobs and I run away. - Well, we'll have to
defeat him another time. - No, we're following him. The Arch-Illager's reign
of terror ends tonight. - That's great, but who
knows where he ran off to? - He's right outside on top of that tower! - Ugh, this game, I swear to God. (intense music) - So this is it, huh? You found all my rooms and
finally tracked me down. - Actually, I don't
think we found any rooms. - Time to use my ultimate weapon! Tiny pink squares. (arrows fly) - Wow, if his head was
just a little less wide, he would've survived that. - Well, that was actually
pretty easy, oh my God. (creature roars) Oh God, run, run, run, more fire! - Stan, use the bread. - This better be good for something. (creature roars) (creature chokes) - Hey, you know what? I don't feel so evil. - [Narrator] Our heroes had done it. They had defeated the Arch-Illager
and vanquished all evil. (Arch-Illager yells) - Dude, you heard him,
he wasn't evil anymore! - He doesn't have to be
evil, I still don't like him. (gentle uplifting music)
