Ant Middleton: Candid reflections on war & combat

[Music] can i ask and in a lot of ways i guess you're out of your comfort zone because your background is the military when you look at what you've now done in recent years and built and chiseled out this career in media what is more difficult might sound like a strange question a life in the military or a life in the public eye and doing what you're doing today do you know what's a really good question and no one's ever asked me that so um this life is more challenging there's more responsibility you know in the military i've got a roof over my head i'm being fed 24 7. i've got a wage coming in every month you know i've got that security behind me you know i've got the that government security where when you step into sydney street and you take a risk like i did step into the media and into you know the literacy world um you've got to keep that continuity you've got to keep that going um you know bills tax bills school bills uh just that pressure of everyday life but which is upped to a certain level because once you've opened that door you're expected to stay there and that's why you see so many people in my position i think that you know that get on this scale and they and all of a sudden they dip and uh before you know it you know they're like they're struggling they're trying to tread water and but i find that really challenging but it's extremely extremely stressful so i would say definitely this career is definitely more um a civvy street has definitely got more opportunities in it but it's definitely more stressful i don't you know when i was in the military i used to think well silly street you know a bunch of series i don't want to never want to be a city but oh actually you know it's hard craft it really is and being in the military what comes with the territory there i presume is to to be very decisive and clear in your thinking to be very unapologetic in your approach to to everything you do and obviously we're living in this nuanced time where people take offense to things there's outrage culture there's cancer culture when you use a straight shooter such as yourself someone who just says what they think and is is fairly you know i've got i've got my own mind and i'll say it and i'm unapologetic about it how have you kind of reacted to any instances of public backlash how has that been do you know what it's been really hard and i've had to curve my way of thinking which has really frustrated me um and that might be due to something that i've said that's been not necessarily offensive to but it's offended someone right you're always going to offend someone you're always going to upset someone um so it's really really hard and i've always said to myself i'll never change that way of me but then there's a proactive way of talking and then there's a defensive way of talking you know you can get all defensive and say well i don't agree with this this is that's really you're not going to get anywhere by saying that so and then there's a way of breaking things down and going this is why i say this this is what i believe in and these are my beliefs and moving forward like that but you need a moment like this to be able to explain it you know i can't say that two minutes on tv i can't say that three minutes on a radio show i can't say that you know when someone's just grabbed me in the street and you know i'm just about to go into a show and they're interviewing me for two three minutes because it's out of context it's out of context so you have to be really really careful and that's what i find really exciting and really fascinating about this industry is that you have to constantly think on your feet you know it does give you more psychological strings to your bow because rather than going well yeah i'm going to say what i believe well should i really say that then or do i do i need to say that then because i've put myself in a position where i've said something on a tweet for example i've said something on a instagram post where it's like literally 30 seconds and then it's flipped it's twisted the media get hold of it and they do what they want with it so it's just about being more clever and um being taking a smarter smarter approach to where you are who you're saying it to and what you're saying about i want to ask as well on i mean there's no doubt you are able you're one of the few and robbie and i've been very fortunate in our careers over here to speak to mostly sports men and women but we have diversified in the last couple of years and you're one of few uh michael phelps is the first that springs to mind someone who is able to able to articulate emotions a true understanding almost psychoanalyze themselves and be able to articulate that is that something that came from a young boy as you were growing up or has the military allowed you to tap into that were you always fascinated with how do i feel how do i then promote those feelings outwardly and how do i deal with those is that always something that you've had the ability to do yeah i think it's a mixture of both the military and my upbringing having lost my father at a young age trying to really figure out what's going on um breaking things down why am i feeling like this and in the military as well being your emotions being exposed on almost a daily basis especially when you're on operations in afghanistan iraq wherever you may be you know people look at me and they see my tv work and they think that i'm emotionally disconnected they go well how can you not it's not um it's the opposite it's because i'm so emotionally connected that i can go right actually i'm not going to use this emotion for this because i know the outcome of it so i'm going to park that up i'm going to take this route um because i've exposed my emotions so many times i understand them i know when they're coming i can understand other people's emotions i've been there and i've done it so i'm very emotionally connected not only to myself but i know when other people i know what other people are feeling at a certain time because i've been there and done it and you it's just a way of breaking it down you know i'm honest with myself i'm completely honest with myself so i know when i'm scared and i go right i'm scared guess what i need to do i need to take a step back i need to i have a look to my teammates i need to gain some strength in order to tackle this task and that in itself is courage you know just to be honest with yourself to say that you're scared especially your next special forces operator when i was on when i was on operations i remember going i was point man in the special boat service and i think it was my third third op um when in massive shitstorm you know i went into this after a bad guy and i can remember running into the compound and all hell broke loose you know it was really really really bad and i ran up to the door we managed to breach the compound and i ran up to a doorway and i stood by the doorway and some rounds started coming through the door bullets started coming through the door so i thought here we go again you know i've sort of been there before but you know really high octane stuff i can remember just thinking right you've been here before wait for the natural pause of the weapon wait to hear the pause and boom go in breach that door and get the drop on someone i knew that the way that i was trained the way that i moved the way that i think that i'd always have to drop on the person you know i always believe that in my head so i can just remember thinking right natural pauses weapon go and as i went to go i couldn't move i remember thinking that it's literally seconds before the round started again i can just remember thinking and grip yourself right when an actual pause of the weapon goes again you you go into into the door that's what happens they put it on automatic they fire a burst and they have to let their finger off the trigger to bring the weapon down so second time around natural paws i go to go in and again i'm literally stuck to the ground you know the lads are pushing me as well and i'm like you know i can't move and i can remember thinking to myself grip fear has got a grip of you you know that's what fear does extreme fear sticks you to the ground it it freezes you it literally you know it does something up in your head with you know it's malfunction where just have a glitch i call it like a glitch in the matrix where you just like and you just stood there no matter how many people are trying to move you'll push you you just can't go and i'll always remember this um and i get goosebumps talking about it all my power done behind me he you know the the wall this form of communication is touch and all he done is he reached round because i was at the door he went around he grabbed my shoulder and he squeezed it twice he just squeezed it really softly not on aggressive you know because it's just a real as is to say brother listen i know exactly what you're going through but rest assured the moment you go through that door i'm going to be right there behind you to take that bullet to finish the job if you don't do it to drag you out there if you get here and i can remember that squeeze on the shoulder everything left me i can almost if my body just purged of all emotion of all fear and i was myself again they gave me this and obviously we went in the door got the job done done what we needed to do but when i got back i it made me realize so i broke things down i first of all was honest i was like [ __ ] scared of course i was stuck to the you know bullets going through of course right boom i can acknowledge that process it move on that's done you know i can acknowledge that motion right after that it was teamwork you know you know you know when you're lower step when everything is against you you know you look around you see who's there that's what teamwork is all about and just that rawest form of communication nothing verbal nothing just yeah it was you know and that's just in all emotions that's all you know exposing your emotions repeating that process and understanding not only your emotions but understanding yourself and that's why emotions are so so important because all of our emotions are all different your emotions ultimately are you okay and the more you expose your emotions the more you're going to learn about them and the more you learn about them the more you're going to learn about yourself and then the more you learn about yourself the more you're going to grow the better version of yourself you're going to become so when these fearful situations came along i always jumped in there for like boom boom because no matter the outcome that exposure exposure repetition repetition you're always going to learn something and that's what i say with people with their emotions you know some people experience something um and they're so fearful of it that they never revisit it again so they're never going to expose that emotion ever again so they're never going to learn about that emotion therefore they're never going to learn about themselves so it has this massive knock-on effect and only because i've been in those situations and forced in those situations that i can really really emotionally connect not only with myself but with others when you talk about governing your emotions and your perspective when it comes to military combat it would seem to me and obviously i i only know through pop culture and you're gonna have to forgive us for all the references i'm probably gonna bring up all sorts of blames that we've watched but it seems to me that you know the military functions at its best when obviously it's a chain of command it's hierarchical you follow orders you think minimally you you're as as they say in full metal jacket you're you're a machine of war yeah essentially you're not supposed to be thinking and kind of reflecting on what's going on yeah how did that change for you when you were out there because life is is full of gray areas isn't it it's not as black and white as that and you know how did your perspective on what you were doing uh change as you as you pondered it as you gave more thought to it as you kind of put yourself in the shoes of whether it be your comrades or the enemies you were facing did it fundamentally change your outlook do you know what when i was in the uh army and in the marines it was exactly that you know you you had a i wouldn't like to say a one-dimensional way of thinking but it's very like follow your orders get in there and get the job done and i started to rebel against that and that's why i wanted to join the special forces because the special forces you're a team of individuals even though there's a hierarchical structure that's the promotion is automatic so once you pass selection a couple of years after you get the court for a couple years after that sergeant you know you you sort of automatically gain that that that promotion so the high vocal structure isn't it's there but you know everyone speaks on the level where in the green army it's not like that you've got your officers you've got your start majors you've got your you know and then you've got your grunts as we call them your door kickers which are the most important people um and i got frustrated with that way of thinking you know i felt limited um and that's why i thought to myself right i'm gonna go for special forces section if i don't pass then i'm probably going to leave the military because i'm someone that once i've executed something or once i've achieved something to the highest of standards then i get bored of it very quickly and that's not bored of it i've been there and done it it's like what's next what's what can i how can i psychologically challenge myself you know and how can i you know how can i enhance my way of thinking um but the special forces is a team of individuals everyone has a voice everyone has a you know everyone has a direction everyone has a purpose everyone has a certain trade that they bring to the forefront everyone has a strength everyone has a weakness you know so it's um it was really enlightening when um when i joined the special forces i thought it's just gonna be a level up but it's not it's a whole different world you know you're dealing with cia you're dealing with mi5 dealing with mic all these secret services around the world you know you're not in uniform you're you know you're conducting you know tier one operations which is you know either cross border or it's um you're going after you know the the main objective whether that's the main you know target the main high value type whatever it may be so but again there's only a certain amount of i remember doing three tours of afghanistan and there's only a certain amount of of doors that you can kick in there's only a certain amount of high value targets that you can arrest and or or whatever the operation takes you um and i remember i knew it was my time to leave when i used to go on to operations or onto a target and i never used to press the trigger that's when i used to think to myself that's mission success you know i should go on you know might be a dry hole that might just you know might not be met with much force and i felt relieved when i didn't pull the trigger where years before it was like get in there action get the job done my mindset changed in a way where i was becoming a lot more empathetic a lot more compassionate a lot more a lot more emotional i would say and that's probably not a good thing working in in in that level of uh you know why was that one because robbie and i were talking off here and kind of two-tiered approach to this question was going to be did you have to believe in the cause number one and two did you have to hate the enemy to do what you did but listening to you there where did that evolution of aunt middleton come from where did you at the start being you know i'm just buzzing the adrenaline pumping to being more empathetic being more did i say considerate to other people's maybe views thought processes etc where did that come from first of all i don't hate anyone so i suppose where this natural evolution comes from where i became more empathetic and more more understanding but um i suppose it's like a professional football player or professional athlete you know they're training of course they want to play in the final of course they want to put their their their expertise you know to use and it was like that in the special forces you know i trained and trained of course you know i wanted to go on to the battle it wasn't really the objective or the the mission that you know i thought about is like okay i've got to go in i know this guy's a bad guy he's responsible for doing this we need to arrest him if we get you know if we get met with we've yeah gunfire then we we act accordingly but our goal is is you know our goal ultimately is to save life okay that's what a lot of people don't understand we're not there to take life you know i've got no right to take anyone's life no one has any right to take anyone's life but if someone thinks they've got the right to take life then we simply deny them that right so it's like going on to a mission i'll be after you for example i might be met by 10 15 bodyguards well if they're trying to kill me or my pals then i'm going to deny them that right until i don't have to put until i don't have to push that trigger anymore and there's there's a two-way ways of thinking here now you either become a bully with a weapon you know i've become a dog with a on a bloodlust which i've i've felt but i've never become or you either become an elite soldier where you can really be in the heat of the moment the heat of the moment have your finger on that trigger and take it off and i've done that as well and that's when i knew that i was an elite soldier and not a bully with a weapon and what i mean by that again we went into this compound all hell broke loose and um a guy was firing us and he ran into a doorway and as he ran into the doorway i saw where he went and i've got behind a wall and i sort of was observing where he went the next thing he opens the door he's got the weapon by his side and he puts his head out i've got my laser is on his head at this stage i've got a clear shot he's just been firing us i know it's this guy because i've just seen him run into that door just seen him come out weapon down by his side his intent there but he's not an imminent threat to my life he's not an imminent threat because his weapon is down even though he's been firing us but at that pacific moment he's not a threat to anyone's life and i even thought i could justify i could have gone back i could have pulled that trigger and justified pulling that trigger and gone back going yeah of course done on to the next mission and that's when i knew in that split moment even though i'd just been in a gunfight i knew this guy had been firing us it was a knack for laser on the head no threat laser off and i always think about that moment i don't know people say to me do you think about the lives that you've i'm like no that's just i've done a job you know i know i'm a good person i know i need i had a job to do and i've done my job but it's those moments of when you've saved life because ultimately i've you know when you look at it i've saved that guy's life by not pulling the trigger where someone else might have pulled the trigger and it's those moments that you really really really think about um but yeah i suppose my decision was just i think i was just combat fatigued you know i've been there and and and done it and you know the whole novelty had worn off then i started thinking more about families and you know i started going on more compassionate missions where i talked to the village elders and make sure that they were looked after and there wasn't any threat from the taliban or whatever whatever organization it may be and i found that that was more warming to me and more it's acceptable and i found put i was put my weapon down a lot more than doing them those type of thing and then got to a point where i extended my family and i started dealing with families abroad and i just thought to myself do you know what my times i gotta pass the torch on my time's done and it's just just the mindset it's just a way of thinking and then you know left and um yeah um it was the best decision i've i've made it's interesting that you didn't get caught up in certain things that have been depicted again in various films i can think of where uh the protagonist has been taken out of the military active combat zone and finds himself in a supermarket completely disenchanted with life and just almost neutered to that incredible you know adrenaline and that sense of camaraderie that you've just spoken about which i would find it's a bit like a sportsman who who retires and and is not being cheered on by 80 000 people every week it must be an extreme adjustment to have to make to your sort of equilibrium your emotional equilibrium in it to to return to a civilian existence yeah but you can get your buzzers elsewhere you know i get my buzzes from my family i get my buzzers from getting my priorities straight you know when i was in the military i prioritized the military right that was my life you know i look back on it and i didn't think at the time that i did i thought i'd always prioritize my fan but i never prioritized the military i get a buzz out of pride talk about prioritizing my family now about getting those priorities right you know there's one common denominator any time i've come off of operations been in this [ __ ] or done something wrong um my family have always been there so i get a buzz out of these new challenges i get a buzz out of you know seeing my children smile seeing my child you know being able to afford to put my children through private education being able to afford to bring them on holiday bringing you know my buzzes i find differently because i think differently do you think that's problematic though that war has this effect on people because that's that's a fair comment yeah absolutely but there are individuals who are perhaps not as emotionally stable as you are that tend to get kind of well they suffer from mental disorders as a result of service they're 100 you know they're two different worlds the military world and society are two different worlds you know in and i i always break it down like this so someone people can understand from layman's terms that's how i like to understand it is in the military you are you deal with violence you're dealt you're taught to deal with violence with extreme violence you're dealt to you're dealt um you're trained to deal with aggression with extreme aggression in society you show any form of violence you're gonna go to prison you you're gonna you're gonna be banged up you're gonna be locked up you're gonna have a criminal record full stop there's zero tolerance to violence in society so you have to rewire your brain you know to think right if someone's violence god step away it just goes against everything that you've been taught everything that you've been you know that you've been trained to do it's the same with aggression you know someone's aggressive to me you know i used to be with the encounter with extreme aggression because that's what i've been taught how to do but it's not the way to do it in society it's it's this it's just two different worlds and ultimately it's about rewiring your brain the way that you think the way that you've been trained and ultimately understanding that when you leave the military you step into a different world you step into siby street you step into society so therefore you have to act like a civilian you have to act like you know your everyday person in order to fit in it's like that the other way around that's why you go through military training now when you're young and you're 16 17 18 go if you don't act like a military person or you don't to take on the military training then you're not going to be a military personnel you're not going to make it in that world but what they don't do they don't they don't they don't they don't flip that they don't train you to enter civi street so if you think about the that you think about it that way it's it's exactly that you just need to be trained and think differently in order to step into the two different worlds and i don't think they do enough of that um the military are very good at using you and discarding you and that's just me being honest you know you speak to most veterans that you know that do suffer from ptsd that do struggle that have been to combat and they're like well i've got this this lust still in them you know they do struggle with that and then you know once you hand in your notice in the military you might as well you might as well come on my course and get thrashed on this asc des wins because that's that's the next high octane thing you're gonna get to but um yeah no i i like to do a lot with veterans and i i think there's so much more that can be done but um you know you told me a story off here on and i want to bring it on here if you don't mind about the moment where because do you think about it i mean you don't strike me as the kind of guy but again you know luke's can be deceiving you don't strike me as the guy that lies awake at night thinking back transported back to some of what you've gone through and only no only you know what you did go through but there was one moment you did share where i believe you're on a flight that took you straight back to a moment where your life was endangered tell us that if you can yeah well you know i don't suffer from flashbacks and but i do dream about war a hell of a lot i've dreamt about war here for the last four or five nights on the trot what did you dream about um i dreamed that i'm all of a sudden in the combat zone and i've got a weapon or i've found a weapon but it doesn't work my weapon doesn't work so i find myself on the run until i find a hideout until i find another weapon and i pick up the other weapon and i try to make it work and i'm being overrun by troops but i don't wake up in sweats and then it's not that type of dream but i suppose it's putting a shoe on the other foot and what i used to do you know is to hunt down taliban commanders and to keep it warm and honest and i suppose it's it's probably that way of me thinking differently and thinking about being in that other you know person's shoes that's why i have these reoccurring dreams but again it's not well break up and wake up in sweats and i've never had a sort of a flashback the only time i've ever had a flashback is when i was on a flight i was on a flight i'd never watch military movies you know it's one of those where you you know you're like how many rounds you've got in that magazine gunship it takes six seconds per round you know chris farming every second um but i thought to myself you know i've got a bit of time to kill and uh i'm a big fan of mark wahlberg and a film came up called lone survivor and i read the credits as like you know this guy ex-navy seal he's helped out with the film he was the the lone survivor so i sat down and watched it and i was thinking wow it's really realistic you know the kit's realistic the the full operational bases that they're at in afghanistan is really realistic you know the way that the helicopters is the sound of the helicopters as well especially obviously mch-47 when it starts up because that's our mode of transport getting on target these things started coming back i thought i'm really enjoying this film and then all of a sudden they're in the mountains and a firefight breaks out and you know the way they're moving the kit the ricochets off the off the rocks just and and the weapons the way they're firing this this dull thud um and the movement and everything of the kit and i can just remember looking at the screen and during this fire fight being so realistic and i could taste sand in my mouth to taste afghanistan in my mouth and it took me straight back to an operation where i was in the mountains and i thought i had sand in my mouth and i had i pressed pause because i freaked me out i was on the flight and it really freaked me out i pressed pause and i was i didn't have nothing obviously i had nothing in my mouth but i felt i had granules in my mouth as well and on the tip of my tongue it's really really strange and i can just remember pressing pause getting up and walking up and down the flight just thinking to myself all right get bloody hell that's weird really strange you know because i like to think that you know i'm in control of everything and but these little that little flashback really made me realize that you know it's still there i mean it's it's it's it's to acknowledge that it's still there and also to acknowledge that i'm fortunate enough to to put my mind elsewhere whether it be in tv whether it be in in in books whether it be you know doing show whatever now fortunate enough to to have put myself in these situations where it takes my mind away from that um but then i think to myself wow what must these veterans going through that that maybe haven't got the drive or or the understanding or or the mental sort of resilience to be able to take control of all of that what must they be going through because if i didn't have much to do and if i'd watched that at home in a flat that i used to live in when i first left the military you know i mean and i didn't have a job and i didn't have anywhere to go then that would have been a quite a hole to get myself out of so yeah it was it was a surreal but it's the only time i've ever had a sort of flashback like that but i dream about a dream about war constantly can you share with us just for people who are intrigued by what actually goes on when you're when you're in a place like afghanistan it's such a hostile environment it's such an alien environment to yourself and you're you're up against people who are who are so in tune with their own environment they are native to that land and it's i mean i've never been obviously but but i can imagine that it's just an extremely uncompromising and uh difficult environment to operate in can you sort of give us a semblance of what a mission looked like yeah so you're in their backyard you know they you got two types of fighters you've got the fighters that are in the village so i'm not really hardcore they're there to cause a disturbance then you've got the fighters that are in the mountains now these guys know what they're doing so when you go into the mountains or when there's an operation that's kicked off and you you're going to be dropped off on a ridge line you know right this is a different kind of fish to a compound for example that you're going to be dropped off in but um i never allow and why are the experience guys up in the mountains just out of interest because they do the cross-border stuff they're they're like you know they've got cave systems in them those mountains they've got escape routes they've got you know god knows what sort of ammunitions you know all hidden these cave systems that they've built over the years are fascinating absolutely that you know they lead you into a rabbit hole that you won't come out basically um so you know that when you you know you go into these caving systems that you're going to be met with you know let's call it booby traps you're going to be met with you know all sorts of of of different things and these guys as well they can fight they can move they're up and down those mountains on a daily basis these you know they know each inch of that mountain so when you think that you you're highly trained and that you can move and that you're swift which i always knew i always knew a better train than them always knew that i was fitter than them but again when you go into someone's backyard it's like right i've got to be i've got to be on my toes here you know so um but it's it's i found it quite a euphoric experience um and what i mean by that is people think that i'm an adrenaline junkie that i trade that i chase um that adrenaline-fueled life but you can only experience this once you've once you've been there and you've you've done it when you enter an environment let's talk about going into the mountains of afghanistan when you fighting against the top fighters in their backyard life is very uncomplicated there's no you know stripped back to its bare essentials of you're going to live or you're going to die this is as simple as that that's that's that's the mindset that i had and what i mean by euphoric is it's so uncomplicated it's probably life that's at its most purest now you're on that you're walking that line of such purity of you step that side you're gonna die you step outside you you're gonna live and it takes away all the [ __ ] it takes away all the all the all the all the distractions it takes away all the all the complications that life you know forces on us and i love that feeling i love that feeling of life being so stripped back to its bare essentials that i'm either going to come out here alive i'm going to come out here dead or i'm not even going to know about it so that's the feeling that i used to chase of just being a complete peace with myself and you know when you hear from world war one and world war ii of these soldiers writing poems in their trenches people like how the hell were you writing a poem i completely get that because they must be at this euphoric stage that i've been in that i've understood of complete peace of themselves complete peace with life you know i'm either going to make it i'm not and once you've acknowledged that then you have that euphoric feeling so these poems and these letters and all i completely understand them where people are like right and you know i don't really why the hell would someone write a poem in a trench i'm like let me tell you why so that's that's how i used to feel well people feel different you know they've got this they're listening to heavy metal music they're getting in the zone they need to be in that that raging yet heightened raging sort of mindset in order to get the job done mine was completely did you ever write a poem no i didn't but i've written books so yeah i just don't know and that's why i love my books because you know i like and i talk about my emotions because yeah it's very sentimental and it you in the moment that's you being self-aware life is to the right death is to the left very black and white is that yeah how though do you as an individual reconcile with death despair destruction when it's your comrades around you i'm sure and i don't want to get too personal but i'm sure you have lost friends and comrades that's you being aware of your own emotions you are aware that my life could end here my life could go on here when it's people around you how do you reconcile with that the night after the day after the morning after the night before yeah i i prepare myself i prepare my mind you know i'm no fool to think that i'm not gonna go on operations and we're not gonna lose one two three four five people um so i prepare my my headspace for that so when it does happen which it has happened um you're almost eighty percent there because it's like well i almost expected this i lost my sniper partner in afghanistan and we gave him don't get me wrong we gave good send off and but you you almost expect that in war you know it's like i i expected to to lose someone or us but even myself you know i think those are the sacrifices that you you acknowledge from the off and you'd be very foolish not to do that i think or you'd be very um very stupid not to think to think that you're gonna come out of a combat zone especially special forces tier one operations with the full with your full comrade so i remember losing a couple of people and and it was almost not that i was emotionally but it was easy because i expected it and i thought all i have to do is just finish that bit finish that part of the emotion off now because i expected it with that in mind it might sound like a really strange question and it's probably 101 of what not to do but as a group do you discuss mortality do you discuss death it's the big noise never never never do we allow that to enter our minds it's like a seed of doubt once you have that seeded doubt in your head you know that wouldn't that can naturally naturally grow without you putting any effort into it so first of all don't put it in there and no we used to do the opposite you know to say you're in you're untouchable you're invincible we are untouchable no one's going to touch and you know we're going to go into this operation unscathed untouched unharmed and we're gonna be on that helicopter home and if anything that's what the military does it we big each other up so much to an extent that when we leave and we're no longer you know being bigged up or being or being told how awesome we are and how great we are then we're like well why why why aren't people telling ourselves why aren't people like bending over back why aren't people bowing down to us that's the massive problem that that occurs in the military and i'm there's i'm not sure what it's called but it's almost like this god effect you know you have this sort of effect that's forced upon you and that's what a lot of people struggle with believe it or not it's not so much what they've been through and what they've done it's like we are so good at big enough to say we do it on a we have to in order to keep us in that mindset that when it's not done and when we're by ourselves and we've got a normal job and we're fitting into society and all of a sudden you know we're not telling we're not being told how good we are that's what believe it or not that's what a lot of people struggle with what's in that case your message for negative people because there's a lot of those around yeah and it's very difficult it's very easy i should say to fall into that trap because i would i would assume ego is something that is an enemy to a soldier ego is and pride is is something that would a i would imagine you have to stay away from and yet you are you're almost sort of existing on this incredible fueled ego of what you're capable of because you're full of all this kind of positive energy yeah see i i think ego's a good thing you know i don't think it's used in the wrong way like everything else used in the wrong way it can be destructive and but again it goes to being honest with yourself you know if you've been there and this and done it to the most elite level and of course you're the best at what you do in that field you know acknowledge that it's like a golfer you know if you play in the european if you play in the ryder cup and you pick for the team well out of billions of golfers out there that continent has picked you right it's like so in your head you of course that ego is going to be there but you've got to go you know what i'm i am here for a reason it's because i am the best it's like when when we pass selection and we you know we're conducting tier one operate i'm here to do you know probably 30 of us out here out of all of the people in the world that are conducting tier one operations going after the top taliban commanders because we're the best soldiers in the world so there's that acknowledgement of going and i suppose that's his ego where you go yeah i am the best in the world and rightly so because i've been i've proven it i've been through this this this and this is to to to do it so but then there's that resting on your laurels ego where it's like well i've done this or past pee company i've done the commander course i've passed selection well what are you like in a in a firefight what do you like when you know when your powers have been slotted what you like when you know you've got you've got blood on your hands what are you like that's when it counts that's where that's where when you really break it down that is when it counts but um ego actually got me through quite quite a bit because like i said i never believed that i would get shot i never believed that i would get injured i always always envisioned and believed that i'd be on that helicopter home so that's what i'll talk about ego is and also going through that door yet fear had a grip of me but i always believed that i was more highly trained and i fought some serious dudes jumping while i've got the wall you know i'm full that was close you know but i've always be even going through that door just that psychological advantage which is probably going i'm better than you just gets you through that door and and media fixates on negatives that's what sells papers the thing that's been driving that narrative is is obviously the negative things are the ones that people gravitate towards no one no one opens up the paper to read a good news story um how do you in as a media personality inhabiting that world where positivity is is almost seen as frowned upon in a way it's it's almost like why are you positive you know what's there to be positive about yeah how do you kind of push back on that i steer clear of it and i steer clear of negative people i steer clear of negative situations um and what i mean steer clear of it i will a negative person i will try and flip that negative person into a positive person i try and flip that negative situation into a positive situation but if it's just pure negativity that's thrown at me then i'll just ignore it okay and you're right people do frown upon you being positive people frown upon me being psychologically in control you know they frown upon me when i go well no there's nothing wrong with me you know and they're like well how can that be you've done three tours of afghanistan northern ireland and macedonia you should be a basket yeah yeah you should buy your own no it's gonna catch up on you and i'm like no i'm i'm telling you now i'm yeah yeah my heart goes out to people that that can't control i'm in full control of my mind i'm in full control of the way i think you know i'm i find that so liberating that i'm in charge of the way that i think and i say to people you can take everything away from me you could lock me up you could you could take my arms and legs and i truly believe there's one thing you can never take from me and that's the way that i think and i find that extremely liberating that's what liberates me that's what frees me you even join the panda whatever it may be i'm in control i can think differently and you might not agree with me but i find that really really liberating so um when it comes to to negativity um that's normally a negative person that's their problem i normally just cut them off let them deal with their problem because we have a horrible tendency to take on other people's negativity and that's what negative people will do they're trying to define you by by your weakness they're trying to find you by your insecurities or by your last your last failure or by your past and yeah we've all got insecurities we've all got weaknesses we've all we've all messed up in life but that's probably you know 15 20 of us now what about the other 80 the compassionate side the loving side the driven side the positive side the family you know and we have a horrible tendency of someone highlighting something that we go oh hits a nerve and we allow their negativity to completely engulf our positivity does that make sense yeah massively does and it's just a case of really and it's really hard to do but you've got to make concern they have to go do you know what you're just a negative person i'm going to cut you out or when you're completely honest with yourself and you know your own insecurities and weakness you go do you know what you're right you have tapped on yeah maybe i'm a bit like this and a bit like that that's only five percent of me you don't know the other ninety-five percent of me do you know what i mean but we have a whole tenant they've got oh they know me this is who i am this is the real me and boom other people's negative negativity drag you down but when you're honest with yourself and you can know and you're in charge of this you can just bat it off personal question on insecurities what does middleton get insecure about um see i tend not to sort of you know don't um go into it but i think war can't so if you don't want to answer that no no you know insecurity have not been not being good enough i suppose that's the main insecurity and whatever you do is you know being a good enough father being a good enough husband being good enough at my job um so there are insecurities that that hit me every single time and especially when you're in in a team dynamic is do i do you know do i belong in this team but those insecurities are good once you acknowledge them because guess what everybody has them i mean so it's it's just really about acknowledging and i say to people um and this is what i say to my children yeah you know say dan what's the you know what's the bravest thing you've ever done and you know i don't talk about when i've been through a door right around i don't talk about when you know picked up a dead mate i don't talk about when i've you know what people when i've been at mount everest and i've been caught in a storm you know there were just moments in time that you know that i was trained enough to to get through i mean it's like but the bravest and the most craziest thing i've ever done is being completely honest with myself and there's a moment that i've done that um when i when i was young when i really stripped myself down you know when i was that young cocky sort of big-headed non-team player you know i wanted to be the best at everything it doesn't matter you know there's a moment that i felt i found myself by myself isolated no one wanted to be around me and i can remember sitting on on some steps and really asking myself why which i mean and i started really going because you're big headed you think you're better than everyone else you rest on your levels you know you you talk about this this and this what have you done since then you're not a team player everything is about you you you you of course no one wants to be around you um so i pull my weaknesses i put up all my insecurities and i always go back to that moment when i get a bit above my station or when something you know really my moral compass is is swaying off true north i go back to those steps i go right be honest right and it's the most courageous thing you can do because we don't like to look in the mirror we don't like to go well do you know what i'm not good at yeah i am you know do you know what they're right i am you know i could have done better i did to tackle that situation wrong i did rather than put up a brick wall you know i mean and and take away 20 25 percent of you ultimately you know never being able to be 100 of who you are any regrets no i have no regrets in life and i've messed up i'm trying to get me wrong of but i've no regrets in life because it's brought me to where i am today i'm very good at bringing the positives forward and learning from the negatives i never bring any negative forward because it's not going to do you any good it's just going to it's going to either you know keep you in the void or it's going to slowly crumble you know slowly tick away at you and and and destroy you um and i'm i suppose that's one that's a mindset i'm very very good at bringing forward the positives and cutting out the negatives and moving forward with with what i have to do and i do that with everything that i do like with selection p company commander course everything whatever it may be them big achievements i don't dwell on them i don't i don't rest on my lives i'm like right what's next people go well what did you feel like you know when you came back from everest i was like i don't know i came back so i had a family to look after i had another job to do i had another booked and why i had another you know show to go on um so and i find that really helps with what i do and boom net on to the next on to the next on to the next on to the next so um yeah i'm just no regrets in life at all and i don't think that we should have any regrets in life because we're here you know there should be lessons or positives and that's how really how i look at life and i do do that you know don't get me wrong i'm not this positive you know guru that goes around fist pumping everyone go positivity and it goes around sprinkling positive but um in every approach that i take everything i always look at the glass half full um you're half full rather than half empty um and i always tackle everything with a positive mindset and i always say it like this you know if you tackle a negative situation with a negative mindset you're going to have a negative outcome full stop so break it break it down why is it negative a positive situation right i've got to tackle it with a positive mindset and over time you train your mind to think positively that's the default mindset that i have is to tackle everything with positivity well the default mindset for a lot of people is they tackle everything with negativity what could go wrong what if this happened what if the outcome for this this i don't i think differently okay so when a negative situation does come along i deal with it there and then which i mean i'm i love doing that i love going right positive posit like boom boom i focus on that negative negative situation i try and flip it into a positive if i can't i just move on with my positive mindset and i say to people if you think that way then you're onto a win-win because you will tackle a negative situation with a positive mindset however when a positive situation comes along and you tackle it with a positive mindset this is when i don't know what sort of chemical it must it must release from the brain but i feel like i'm on cloud nine and that is the majority of the time i feel like there's nothing that phases me really i feel like i'm like i'm here i'm just like in this mindset of because majority of life is positive if you've learned to to flip it into a positive negatives into positive or if you've learned to to severe towards positivity that's what towards positive people towards positive situation when you tackle positive situation with a positive mindset or you meet a positive person then you're a positive person i tell you what i've done and again i'd love to know i'd love to i'm not an intellect i'm not a bookworm but these are all through life experience i'd love to know what sort of what happens in my head because i do my majority of the time without going around fist bumping like i said i feel like i'm on cloud nine and i really do if that makes sense yeah it certainly does i know we've already kept you probably finally yeah but uh last one from me uh what what you're a man that likes to take things off and move on yeah and you've obviously had such a an incredibly varied career what's the kind of next big challenge that maybe you haven't tackled yet and what's the one celebrity that you'd want to take off to the wilderness i love it so straight talking it's got to be idris elba i love that guy yeah you know he's such a closed book he's this english gentleman isn't he you know he's he's he's humble in his approach he's a very capable individual and i just would love to know more about him but also i'd love to push him a little bit more i'd love to you know it is an interview show but i'd love to up the ante on the adventure side because i think he could be he could be pushed a lot more um but i just idris elba just fascinates me you know he's uh he's a dj he's just you know he's he's a he's music artist he's a he's a hollywood a-lister actor you know he's he's got so many strings to his bow and i'd just like to i'd like to pluck a few of him um to see you know what really makes him tick and who he really is and in terms of i mean the show's obviously going great guns liam payne into rebel wilson maybe he'll be watching this idris album maybe for season three looking long-term as well on it's just to continue riding the crest of the wave you're obviously you're at the moment you strike me as a guy though you're aware of that you're self-conscious you're just you know self-aware of the fact that some people's stars are on their eyes some people stars and then they fizzle you've got your you've got your [ __ ] together i think you can safely say but for the next kind of 10-15 years that just continue doing what you're doing and see where the chips land you watch you watch where i go in the next couple of years and this is business wise i've got a lot of a lot of business um things on on the horizon um and this is just through a vision um but yeah i'm always up about leveling up leveling up leveling up living up you know i don't want to burst onto the scene because you know once you burst then you know you've gotta plateau that out and be smart so there's a lot on the horizon that i'm that i'm trickle feeding but um i'm not going anywhere you know and i don't mean that in a big headed type of way but i'm not going anywhere as in i love this what i'm doing i love my career i love the opportunities that it's given me i love the ortho world is completely different to the media world the media world completely different to business world you know i'm just throwing i just love thinking differently in all of these aspects and all these parts of life and the world is there for the taking there's so much opportunity it wasn't until i stepped into the world and i thought there's so much opportunity and so much you know to be to be made and to be built and i'm going to go out and i'm going to build mine oh listen aunt middleton you've given us an hour of gold is what you have it's been fascinating just listening to you it's been riveting we can try and put ourselves in your shoes but that will never happen in a month or sunday you're already far more popular and successful in the industry worked hard as well to be in atlas and it's been a real pleasure enjoy your stay jumeirah is the wheels or eye it is one of the top hotels anywhere on the planet not just here in the united arab emirates enjoy yourself listen they're looking after me you've looked after me so thanks very much guys thank you so much join the conversation on dubai 103.8

Channel: Dubai Eye 103.8 Sport

Views: 70,836

Rating: 4.8604188 out of 5

Keywords: Ant Middleton, war, interview, combat, Afghanistan, SBS, solider, warfare, psychology, confrontation, military, Royal Marines, British armed forces, Dubai, rare, insight

Id: V0s6Nyg-81U

Length: 54min 9sec (3249 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 27 2021