an english lit uni vlog 🌦 a week of essays, epics & studying

[Music] welcome back it's so nice to have you here if you're new to this channel my name is emma and you stumbled upon a university vlog where i take you throughout my week as an english major doing some readings i'm currently in my third year i'm a part-time student right now so i only have two classes but boy are they stacking up so this week we have actually so much to do i need to write an essay and i did just finish an essay um so i need to tweak that and just go over the draft and stuff but it's currently 10 o'clock on monday so trying to start this off be productive and all of that stuff but um the first thing i need to do is complete my reading for today's renaissance class which is more reading of the fairy queen if you've been watching these vlogs you know i've been um deep in the very queen for a while so we are currently looking at book three today so i need to read that which i have not started so that's the first thing i want to get done is just read my sections for today get that done before class and then we're gonna i guess make a little to-do list for the rest of the week [Music] anyway [Music] okay so i just finished kanto 11 of book three we actually only have to read kantos 11 and 12 which are the last two little songs in book three of the fairy queen so i am taking a break um because i don't think i've talked about this in a while i haven't really touched on the post-concussion syndrome or um the difficulties i face every day with it um in the university vlogs in a while but i need to take very frequent breaks because um one of the most bothersome things and something that is just so difficult to read a lot for me is that um anyway just to explain concussion happened we're in the post-concussion syndrome even though the concussion happened two years ago so and i know a lot of you guys have commented that you're either going through something similar whether it's from a brain injury or not and i know a lot of you have said that you also get the after image or the ghost image or i think it's actually properly called palinopsia which comes from the greek for seeing again so that makes sense um but that is what i struggle with so basically when i read text whether it's physical or on a screen or whatever you i read it and then i look away and then i still see like you know the lines right you see the black and white lines it's like when you stare at the sun for a little bit and you look away and you can still see something this blob right in those weird blue or green or red colors it's like that for me but for me the sun is everything i look at and it's something that's been really hard to find information on because it's some rare blah blah blah but also it's quite frustrating and it can also lead to bringing on like other symptoms that i experience like dizziness and sometimes nausea and just it's really frustrating um and it hasn't gone away and so i just wanted to talk about it because i know a lot of you guys have this thing as well which is uh not good but at least we can talk about it um and yeah i haven't really found anything that super helps me i do have special glasses which um is why i look absolutely ridiculous when i put these ones on because they are so thick and they have prisms in them and you know they make my eyes look very bug-eyed like look at that oh anyway um so these kind of help but not really especially with the amount of reading that i have to do at in an english degree um and it's just sometimes really hard and it makes me want to tear my own eyes out and it's something that i've been feeling very frustrated with recently especially because i've been having to write so many essays on a screen and on a screen is so much worse than on paper because the image just whatever reason sticks so much more and it's so hard to you know get it out of my eyes so like i will be writing my essay and then i will just see lines everywhere i look that replicate the lines of text that i've been looking at um you don't see the words themselves just like the you know because it goes white black white black and so that gets stuck in your eyes and so if i look at the wall i just see lines and it is so disorienting it's like worlds have been plastered on top of worlds i talked about this a lot in this vlog at the end of this vlog from uh when i was in quarantine during the pandemic because i was going through a really rough time then and used to talk about things a lot more openly but that's what i want to do now so typically i read and then i you know either push on and feel really crappy or i just like sit still and close my eyes and like i know some of you guys have shared what's helped you which is amazing so if there's anything you think i should try um please let me know i do have like colored you know colored plastic folders that i put over the screen sometimes although to be fair it really is a minimal difference um and at this point i don't really know what else to do so now i'm just blabbing about it online which seems like a good idea but anyway i finished book uh what did i just say no cancel 11 so i'm gonna take a break from that now and switch to revising my essay that's actually due tomorrow and then directly after that i'm either gonna need to finish the section for today's class although i have a feeling we're not gonna get all the way there because we might be a little behind but then i also need to directly start on another essay um which is stressing me out i'm just stressed out whenever i have essays do especially more than one especially when i also need to um complete reading i just can't reasonably stressed out and it's all i can think about and the rest of my life devolves into nothingness and i become the essay so um kind of don't want this to happen that time around it already happened with this essay i just finished so it's probably going to happen again but regardless let's tweak the essay and please pray for my eyeballs because they're not they're not working like eyeballs should ah like i just opened this and seeing it my eyes are like my eyes are having a rough time recently it's only 10 42 and i feel like they're done for the day you know when your eyes get tired at night my eyes are done right now they've checked out and they haven't even started so put my essay here and i need to revise the whole thing it's currently sitting at 2 300 words which is fine um it was supposed to be five to seven pages long just for this first one so that is completely fine do tomorrow but it's done um and like i don't do like drafts of my essays i just kind of edit as i go along but now i want to do a full read through um just make sure everything sounds good see if i'm accidentally repeating myself see if there's any errors make sure everything's cited correctly but oh boy okay that's great i just realized that yeah there's no page numbers on this baby oh my god can you tell it's been a long time since i've written like a proper essay i was gonna hand this in without any page numbers without my name on it [Music] [Music] okay i finished um going over it i don't think i'm gonna do anything else honestly it's due tomorrow i'm just gonna hand it in see what happens it's fine i'm gonna start making some lunch i'm gonna marinate some tofu i feel like i say that in every vlog now it's just one of my favorite meals it's become like one of my favorite meals ever so i'm gonna do that i'm gonna listen to my audiobook just have a little break for my eyes and then get back to work after i put the marinade in the fridge okay this is my outfit and [Music] it's weirdly warm today even though we had snow last week but now it's like 16 degrees so this sweater vest and um this blouse i actually got thrifted very recently and then i think this skirt is from forever 21 and i need to dust my mirror ugh i love these socks with the bows so yes anyway let us go [Music] [Music] [Music] i look like a 12 year old heading out the door to hand in my essay [Music] all right i submitted my essay and now i am so i'm gonna work on my ass i know um but yeah we finished we finished talking about paradise lost today and now we're moving on to william blake which i need to read do you want to know a secret this whole day i've been wearing two sailor moon shirts i've been wearing two sailor moon shirts on top of each other so since i'm already in my bathroom winding down for the night today was actually a really good day some of my essay which was nice so it's time to relax for the night i'm just about to jump in the shower wash day off me but it is a perfect time the perfect time to thank the sponsor of today's video function of beauty my favorite shampoo ever if you haven't heard of them life-changing i've been using their shampoo and conditioner since april and aside from the occasional random hair mask i've used nothing else but functional beauty on my hair and it has been the most wonderful change they let you take a personalized hair quiz to outline all of your hair goals to help make a shampoo that is perfect for your individual hair and scalp i have always wanted very soft hair but for most of my life that just didn't happen because i have extremely oily hair and i just never thought my hair could like be this soft such a confidence booster such a mood lifter the goals that i wanted to focus on this time was to lengthen get a bit of oil control get some shine in there and also to soothe my scalp definitely the one i'm most excited about is lengthening because i finally decided to grow my hair out it's been so long i used to have hair that was down to like past my waist he sent me two cute new little bottles that i cannot wait to use because this time i got a different scent and that is eucalyptus and lavender this one i actually chose because in my shower i have dried lavender and dried eucalyptus tied to my shower head and so now um it's just like this double wave of eucalyptus and lavender with these guys which is amazing function of beauty is all dermatologist tested every single ingredient is tested with voluntary participants never animals there's no parabens sulfates it's 100 vegan and cruelty free and it's really nice because they can be delivered to you on a schedule of your own choosing you guys can get 20 off of your first 16 ounce custom set when you click my link and subscribe i'd also recommend becoming a member to get lots of exclusive perks like free shipping so me and my hair are gonna go have a wonderful cozy tonight let's see what tomorrow brings good morning i am wrapped in a blanket um because it's kind of nice and cold but i still wanted the door open so this morning i'm gonna finish up my reading for renaissance before i head off so the only thing i have left to read um last night i finished two of mary sydney's psalms that's the author we're looking at the poetess mary sydney um and we're looking at a few of her translations of um the book of songs into poetry so i read some there uh 32 no 59 and 132 or is it 59 or is it 32 159 something like that they were really beautiful actually let me read you okay so she's like thou how my back like god knows how my back was beam wise laid and raftering of my ribs dust no noticed every point of bone and joints how did this hole these parts did grow in brave embroidery pharah arrayed the rot and chop both dark and low and then just really nice alliteration like stuff like my shapeless my shapeless shape could not escape or um who some is such know some so much nay summed as sand they some less grow give me some shakespearean but i don't know really beautiful so that is that one and then the only thing i have left to do this morning before class is to read some of her poems that came from a manuscript called the castle manuscript that was found 12 years ago in a manuscript in a german library and he added a little note like the majority of manuscript verse from the period they're unpunctuated which does make sorting out the sense more difficult so um we have three three poems to read and i'm gonna annotate because he's gonna ask us like kind of what we thought of them what we got out of them and as well like it is interesting because like i said they don't have punctuation so we're gonna see what i can make of these the first one is called of a little river in oxfordshire oxfordshire oxfordshire near kittington so that is the one we're going to just fix up first and just write some thoughts [Music] hmm [Music] okay so the first one was like a little bit some parts were difficult because the punctuation is missing but essentially what i got is it kind of reminds me of another poem that i'm gonna look up and just see um i forget the name i think it's alas so all things now do hold their peace or it's either the season one of those two um but essentially the speaker is talking about you know how she's gonna how they're gonna sit down by the bank and the river and they want to take in the beautiful sights but the beautiful kind of scenes that they're witnessing just causes them more internal conflict because it's kind of in contrast to the landscape of their mind which is not a good time um and then essentially it just ends with a sense of loss the sense of like the impending doom that's going to befall all beautiful things they're saying that they've seen more fair more sweet than these things these scenes of nature that proud passions corn and times change and they become out worn or worn out so i think that's kind of what that's saying but we're gonna see i'm gonna just really quickly try and find um is it no okay so it's not all things now do hold their peace i believe it is the season yes it's the set season because this is expressing something quite similar um when henry howard is like oh i see among these pleasant things each care decays and yet my sorospring so it's like in contrast like the internal world to kind of the external world so i'm gonna write that down too and then maybe we can talk about that in class or something [Music] so i finished my read-through of mary sydney's poems from the manuscript and that's fine i don't know why i just randomly randomly got hit with a huge bout of anxiety out of nowhere so i'm now in my bed but i have to leave soon i don't really know what about like my essay's going great i just handed an essay yesterday so that stresses off my shoulders i managed to get a video up today i feel good about that i like that video it's a beautiful day um i had a really yummy breakfast i took my vitamins so the only thing i can think of is that like i just it's just too much i'm just doing too much and this is my body being like you stupid you need to take a break and i gotta respect that but at the same time i gotta go i mean hopefully this is gonna pass but i just do not i just i just cannot i cannot take being anxious in public or like feeling sick in public i just can't can't do it okay maybe i'll like get up walk around pack my bag um see what happens we're taking a day we're taking a day because i don't feel good and i need to [Music] foreign hi guys it is um i don't really know what time has a lap since the last clip i don't think very much but i got a couple tests back in my renaissance course and i did really well on both of them one a little bit better than the other one because the first test that i got back was the one that in this vlog i got lost before the test started like trying to find the room and then i got there and i was just very you know panicked and flustered because i was like late and i just spent the whole time like running around so i actually skipped a whole question but that's fine i still managed to get actually i don't know i like being really transparent about um uni stuff and marks and grades i think on this channel or specifically just in these uni vlogs because it's a good experience for me to work on just being good with being open and detaching myself from grades because before it was just this whole thing where i just associated my whole identity with that and um having to be like forcefully taken out of academia for medical reasons for a while i think has helped me rebuild an identity that doesn't shape so much around like academic institutions and like you know the self-worth and validation in the intelligence sphere of your personality stemming from grades that are given to you um so yeah if that makes sense i don't know if that makes sense but um anyway they were still really good marks 89 and 94. um but i just can't believe i skipped the whole question on that 89 test that's okay i am really tired today it's like 10 30 actually right now so i'm gonna go to bed soon but um i'm just having a weird spurt of like productive energy i the sun's been going down really early like 4 30 five and it just gets dark so quickly and um i just been having a rough couple of days where between like the hours of like 3 30 and 8 i just get so sad um like it's been a really noticeable shift and i just feel like the day is over i'm done there's nothing else for me to do like i should just go to bed but for some reason i'll like i'll mope around and i'll be sad and i won't want to do anything for like a good three or four hours and then at like 10 or 11 all of a sudden get all this energy so i think this happens to me every year but i just need to change it because i would like to still be able to go to bed at a decent time um but i'm feeling wide awake right now i'm feeling like i want to do stuff i ended up taking the day off actually and just staying home and listening to myself um or my body or whatever i needed and not pushing it um so i just stayed home and i finished my work at home but um i think that was just the right decision i do have a test next week and then i do have a test i think the week after that as well but i'm not really worried about that the essays were the big the big big thing and those are done now thank goodness so yeah and then winter break is coming up and that is what i'm looking forward to just to have like a a bigger longer break but um i just wanted to come on here and chat with you guys tomorrow we are starting dunn's poetry no yeah um john john secular poetry including the canonization a nocturnal upon st lucy's day the ecstasy and also a manuscript sequence um with a few more poems just gotta study for my tests which i'm not too worried about and then i'll get to film both like a study with me session and um an asmr session it just started raining if you can hear that that's very nice yeah that's good for the anxiety i think what i'm going to do is journal a little bit maybe i'll do some stretching or yoga but mainly i think i just want to have some water and go to bed i think i might sign off this vlog here this is a pretty short uni vlog but um i just uploaded my kind of big week in my life as an english major vlog and thank you so much for um the response the support the kindness the lovely comments and as well for letting me know that you would absolutely love more of those um and a more in-depth look at what i'm doing so i think that's what i'm gonna start right now and i was just answering your guys's comments so um i will definitely start a new vlog like that because i really loved making it so yeah i also cut thicker bangs which i've never done before i've only ever trimmed my own bags and i don't know if i did it exactly correctly because i feel like they go too wide across my forehead thank you so much for watching i hope you're doing well and i will talk to you very soon so ciao

Channel: * e m m i e *

Views: 29,552

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Id: 56_hFm1wDIo

Length: 26min 8sec (1568 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 15 2021