AITA For Walking When My Mil Excluded My Girls From The Family Photo? [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for confronting my coworker for her constant comments about my age i-43f was arrest ahm for 17 years before going back to college and then back to work i work in a law firm in a very niche specialty i get along wonderfully with all my coworker except beth when i first started at the firm the first comment beth made was that i was still just a baby it immediately rubbed me the wrong way because i'm not a baby i was at the time a 42 year old woman since then she has been making comments like you're too young to understand this or this was before your time each time i correct her and say that is incorrect and that most of the things i do remember because i'm in my 40s then it escalated into comments about how drinking coffee will give me wrinkles when she found out that my son was 24 she could not believe it she went as far as to say he must have been my husbands from a previous relationship today i reached my breaking point a new coworker started on monday and is around my age she treats her like an exact equal but still treats me like a baby none of our other coworkers treat me this way and have even mentioned to her that i'm not as young as she thinks i am and that it is wrong to talk to me like that when she introduced the new coworker she introduced me as the baby of the family after she finished settling in the new coworker i took her to the side and told her that her comments about my age are inappropriate and they're unwelcome i told her that if she continued to do this that i would report her to our department head our immediate supervisor because it is harassment she went off on me and said that i was ungrateful rudin should be thanking her for taking me under her wing she said that she sees me as a daughter and wants to protect me i told her that her concern was unnecessary and that she is not my mother and i do not need her to protect me i said i was perfectly capable of taking care of myself right after the conversation she left work early one of our other coworkers said she was crying and very upset all but two of my coworkers minus the new one that started monday said that i was right to put my foot down as it was very weird how she treated me the two coworkers who disagree said i went too far and should have just kept my mouth shut my husband also agrees with the two coworkers and said i was being rude and should apologize to her i told my husband that i refuse to apologize for sticking up to someone who is trying to parent me at my job am i the antagonist for confronting my coworker and telling her not to parent me at work edit for all asking i'm the youngest of all of them beth is in her mid-slash late 50s and everyone else is about the same age with the exception of the new person who is in their 40s like me [Music] either this woman is manipulating you for some unfathomable reason or she is horrible at making jokes there is no possible way she doesn't realize what she's doing nta my husband also agrees with the takawaka's excuse me what the [ __ ] if i'm wrong i'll accept it but are the two colleagues who think you should apologize also male i have a very young face lots of people think i'm a kiddo even though i'm now 36 the response whenever i complain is but you should be grateful people think you look young it would be beneficial if i were vain or a supermodel i'm not i don't get taken seriously and have been kiddoed by someone less than 10 years my senior what this woman is doing is harassment and somewhat age discriminatory being mistaken for younger than you actually are can absolutely be a compliment provided it's not asla used to means to put you down people who think you're some dumb kid are truly annoying my worst interaction was being a retail supervisor and trying to tell a lady what to do and having her treat me like a kid she eventually called me a power hungry lunatic i think that was the phrase and stomped off to tell my boss on me because i asked her to do her job this was four years ago and i'd been in the job for four years no way a newbie or a kid these days i kinda hate being taken for a 20-something being also female it makes it very hard to get a word in edgewise for me it is rarely a compliment this sucks i've never been young looking and i feel really bad for people who are because it's ridiculous how people belittle people based on how they look sorry this is your experience i'm in my twenties with smile lines and crow's feet and high cheek bones that make me look closer to my thirties [Music] nta you didn't even make a song and dance about it you took her aside you couldn't allow this to continue as it has the potential to bubble over in a horrible public scene good for you for standing up for yourself [Music] absolutely not the a-hole and you should report it this is so bizarre i wonder what's behind it especially if she treats another person your age differently i had a similar situation where a coworker was parenting me but the dynamic was quite different there still it was awkward and at 43 it would be doubly so i have taken when people pretend or comment that i'm younger than i am that they are trying to erode or discredit my past and past achievements i'm 29 my uncle swears i'm not a day over 20 i have graduated i own my own house i have a good job but he will only act surprised because i'm so young i had to blatantly tell him it was insulting that he doesn't respect the life i have lived and hides behind the guise of i'm young when i'm not we don't talk because of his refusal to see me as a woman who lives a life the same goes for people in the workforce now i have five plus years experience my actual ages are relevant to my experience and expertise i find in my case it's because i do indeed look and act young that being said there are things that are just not okay professionally hell even if someone is 20 if they can do the job they can do the job say it louder for the people in the back am i the antagonist for telling my brother that he's not that smart and that he needs to get over himself m16f and my brother is 14 meters he's academically talented and has almost always the top student in school yesterday we got into an argument over something minor but it became a pretty big fight and during the argument he kept saying stuff like him the top student but what about you you don't know anything so shut up and i wouldn't expect dumb people like you to understand after he said that for about the tenth time i got really mad and i told him that he's not that smart and that he should get over himself he cried and told our parents about it and then our parents yelled at me because they say that as the oldest sibling i should've given way to him and also fear upset that i hurt his self-esteem i guess i do see their point my brother is still upset now and he seemed down the whole of today i feel bad about it am i the antagonist nta just because he's academically talented doesn't give him the right to lord it over people and put them down because he perceives them to be less smart than he is he's being an arrogant jerk and your parents are doing him no favors by treating him as if everyone is beneath him because he's just so smart edited to say not the a-hole nta not only this but when he goes out into the world and encounters actual geniuses it's going to be a rude awakening when he sees where he fits on the totem pole or encounters anyone that doesn't want his ego crap being aired this one i mean if he broke down at oh you're not that smart it won't take much to get to him and it won't be all geniuses doing so that big fish in a small pond attitude is going to get him crushed if he's not careful it reminds me of that apocryphal quote from the dean to new students entering mid-slash harvard congratulations and welcome to x for the first time in your lives half of you are now below average nta is not that smart and he should get over himself but he's also only 14 and could probably benefit from knowing that you don't really despise him i live in dc and the amount of nervous breakdowns i see from the bfe top of their class types is insane it's especially like this in the dating world a bunch of people bragging about their class rank or who they work for and are dumbfounded when you don't immediately get on your knees and start sucking their dick lol like no a-holes here dude i'm not impressed you're a low-level staffer to a congressman i've never heard of who you helped write that bill that will never see the light of day tell me more about it i could use the extra sleep i work in a uni with postgraduate students my lab can be high pressure and the number of people who break because of the pressure they put on themselves to be the best and trying to be better at a task than the tech who has done it for decades is sad being gifted can be as much a disability as being slow sometimes it's because that's all they were taught that was good about themselves their whole lives and now they're finding out they don't actually know who they are or how to cope without it i think one benefit to getting older is that by 32-35 most folks if they have one already had their nervous breakdown divorce or moved back home in defeat so by my age is the strong who survived finding someone who survived and has healthy coping mechanisms even after back quote defeat is difficult though [Music] nta you are allowed to argue and if he tries to pull and i'm smarter than you stance you're allowed to knock him down argue facts not each other easier to win nta he sounds like he's well on his way to becoming insufferable and full of himself and your parents will be enabling that behavior he'll end up being the type of person to have a meltdown for not getting into his first choice college woo i also don't agree with that he's younger than you let him be right way of parenting it's about respect and boundaries if he can't take it he shouldn't be dishing it nta i mean it would have shown maturity to walk away and ignore his insults to you but why isn't your self-esteem as important slash valuable as his is nta i have the almost same story as your brother top of the class egoistical [ __ ] what i wouldn't give for someone to have brought me down a notch he's gonna thank you someday agreed but he may have a rough time with his self-esteem for a little bit the kid's 14 he's dealing with the social and hormonal turbulence of adolescence and it sounds like he may have built his identity on being the smart one having that ground shake under him could be really difficult to deal with in the short term necessary as it may be long term source was a kid like that very glad to not be quite as bad anymore nta remind him there's a difference between intelligence and wisdom academic smarts are not very useful if you can't learn how to behave around people am i the antagonist for continuing to use a childhood nickname for my brother this is a throwaway account for privacy me and my twin brother are 27 and he recently got engaged he has been with his girlfriend for three years and i always liked her i don't know her that well because we don't live that close together anymore but when we do get together she always seemed like a nice person usually when i speak to my brother on the phone she's not there or not also on the phone anyway the problem is that i call my brother a few different names his actual name that most people use a nickname that a lot of people use that is obvious from his name think ali from oliver and then a name that only i use that comes from when we were babies and i couldn't pronounce his name correctly i said this and this just carried on i don't put any thought into what i'm going to call him at any one time it's just what comes out and what is natural in a setting for example if we are in a large formal group i'm way less likely to call him the baby name than if we are in a chilled out family setting my brother's fiance has requested that i stop using the name because she finds it embarrassing and childish and says that as i'm able to pronounce his name properly i should say it like that and that it makes me look like an [ __ ] walking around saying his name like a baby i said i can call my own twin brother however i like my brother says he doesn't mind me calling him that and my family says i should maybe just stop to make her feel more welcome in the family so am i the antagonist if i continue to use this name that i have been using for my whole life and that my brother says he doesn't mind 200b edit this got a lot more attention than i was expecting and i just wanted to thank everyone who took time to reply i'm glad to see the general consensuses that i'm nta and should continue using the name i think you'll have a word with my brother and tell him that his fiance making those demands of me wasn't on nta your brother said it was fine for you to call him by the nickname that's all that matters now it's up to your twin brother to tell her to back off you should simply tell him if you don't mind me calling you nickname then i'm going to keep using it maybe you should talk to your girlfriend and get her to accept it he should be the one to smooth things out with her i'd also like to point out that buzz aldrin's name came from his little sister who couldn't say brother so she called him buzzer edit for sauce that is the sweetest thing all my daughter used to call her brother's buzzers too love this nta the fiance sounds crazy it's not her place to dictate what you call your twin and if your bro doesn't care it's not her fight holy smokes imagine being so self-absorbed you have a problem with what someone calls someone else my fiance's twin has a special connection with him that i don't have i must destroy it nailed it the twin is a fool for marrying this woman nta if he's okay with it that's the only opinion that matters i still call my brother scott sock sometimes for that reason lol omg that's adorable hi sock nta if your brother doesn't mind she can get over it lol nta and don't get into this further with her enjoy this as long as you can i've gotten to the point where there are only a couple of people left living who remember and use my childhood nickname and i'm treasuring it thank you nta fiance doesn't get to decide how you communicate with your brother if he is okay with using it then you're okay to use it nta my bill has a family name that is completely not his name due to my husband's inability to say his name as a child it's a cute anecdote and only really superficial people are going to care especially if you only use it around family the fact that you use it around her should signal you feel close enough to include her in the family tradition the only reason to stop calling your twin the baby name is if it's offensive or your twin requests you to stop as it's their choice what they'd prefer to be called i also have an xbf who has a childhood nickname that is part of a family tradition shifts as he gets older and depending on the company as he is something something the third took me a while to get used to calling him several different variants of his name depending on company but wasn't a big deal nta the fiance is claiming that using the nickname you have used for your brother since early childhood somehow makes you an [ __ ] but all she's really doing here is creating an unreasonable issue between herself and someone who is close to her partner your brother has made it clear he doesn't mind the nickname so if she wants to make herself look like a little control freak then let her her issues are not your problem [Music] nta let your brother handle it if he is okay with it let him tell her to let it go if he wants you to stop stop she sounds sensitive and controlling but that's your brother's [Music] problem am i the antagonist for walking out with my girls when my mill excluded them from family photo album i'm 36 mother of two girls 9 5 i met my now fiance 38 to 5 years ago he's a good man treats my girls well and loves them future mother-in-law is a generous lady truth be told his family are respectful and helpful we visit them a lot after we got engaged i pretty much consider this my extended family however my mother-in-law tends to do things that either intentionally or unintentionally hurt my feelings for example when there's a family dinner at a restaurant we are not invited on christmas my girls didn't receive anything from her while other kids in the family got gifts and cards also all the kids in the family get a trip once a month but my girls never participate mother-in-law excuses were i forgot this week my future mother-in-law was doing family photo album and was gathering family pictures from everyone sill and her kid slash brother-in-law and his kids and so on she called and asked if i could send her some pictures i thought that was nice of her i sent them pretty much after my call with her ended we were invited to her house the entire family was there to look at the photo album bc it was complete we took turns to look at it and when it was mine in my girls 10 i was stunned turned out she picked the pictures that had just me and her son not my girls although we took a ton of pictures the four of us my girls were excited wanting to see the album then asked why their pictures weren't there i didn't even want to think about how they'd feel i was caught off guard otherwise i wouldn't have let them look at the album i asked mill why she excluded my girls and she didn't even reply she just ignored me my fiance stared at me i felt awful i got up took my girls and walked out immediately everyone was confused my fianc followed us then we left at home he told me that i really shouldn't have walked out before dinner and shoulder just ignored this whole thing because who cares about a stupid photo album i told him it's a symbol of family the girls felt left out when all the kids pictures were there except for the girls although i sent her pics of four of us as a family he said his mom didn't mean it and promised that this will change once we get married and said he'll get everyone in line so i shouldn't even consider this a problem and that my girls are the light of his life and that's the only thing that matters and that i was overreacting over a photo album mother-in-law called and was upset saying me walking out like that was disrespectful to the entire family when i told her about what she did she bluntly said i don't wanna lie to people those girls don't relate to me in any way she said she loves them slash treat them well we'll host their birthdays if i want but she won't call them family i argued with her over this and i hung up on her since she didn't think she did anything wrong was i in the wrong did i overreact [Music] nta but your fiance will not have your back and the treatment your daughters are getting now will only continue i was in your daughter's shoes when i was a kid and my dad was getting remarried and thankfully we were accepted into the family events photos etc by the time my dad was engaged to my stepmom i agree getting married should be the time he gets everyone in line now is the time for that if he can't stick up for you and your girl's being called family now it's not going to change later he should be fighting for his future step kids to be accepted into his family be as their family i don't understand how people can't view step kids as family what horribly close-minded they are exactly dating and engagements are like test drives of a marriage who in their right mind waits to sign a marriage certificate to hopefully finally get treated with respect pass on that [ __ ] up and the kids deserve much better nta the real issue here is your fee in case lack of a spine to stand up to his mother that will probably never change so you're walking into this coming marriage with your eyes wide open if you marry this man this will be your constant reality your daughters will continue to get ignored and you will be pushed out of events cut your losses and flee this toxic relationship there's an old saying over on slash a slash just a mall it's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy and both of those are easier than trying to change your mama's boy right square bracket open bracket this is gold nta and i strongly suggest going no contact with your in-laws until there is a promise of better behavior and an apology what a cruel and entirely unnecessary thing to do to you and your young children this woman has not been forgetting your girls she's been deliberately excluding them it's completely enraging your fiance needs to step up and draw some really hard lines with his mother and it needs to happen before the wedding this is how i felt she wasn't really forgetting it was an excuse she used obviously but this latest issue revealed her true intentions i don't know what to say about his family and this treatment i'm seriously thinking of postponing our wedding i think postponing is a great idea until you are sure that your husband is 100 got your back miller's such a horrible person excluding your girls from family events just cause of blood it takes way more than that to be a family i know that you consider your girls your number one priority i'm much more disappointed in your fiance for thinking it will change once you're married it won't and he needs to realize this and speak up for you and your girls if he can't do this now he never will you need someone who will fight for you and if won't then i don't see a bright future for this relationship info have you talked to yuffian k about this before how long have his family known you and your girls two five years and yes i've brought up this many many times with him he keeps saying i should ignore what his mom is doing that it will be different once we are married and that all that matters is that he loves my girls and considers them his own whenever his mom does something disrespectful to me and my girls he acts like nothing happened

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Views: 5,011

Rating: 4.8734179 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: jh5DBWdY30M

Length: 24min 8sec (1448 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 16 2021