Abigail - Episode 2: A Reasonable Request; A Rude Response

how do you respond when life throws you curveballs whether it's the grocery store clerk who's rude in the checkout the other driver who cuts you off on the road or the kid whose asses you on his way out the door for school when things don't go your way how do you respond is it with angry frustration passive aggression I'm fine you're fine everything's fine are you rude right back or do you respond with grace welcome back to the women of the Bible podcast I'm Erin Davis and I'll be your host in each episode we'll open our Bibles to first Samuel 25 we'll look at the life of Abigail and see how she encourages us to respond differently to the difficult people in our lives life will always throw us curveballs but through the life of Abigail the Bible shows us we can respond with grace so pull up a chair grab yourself something warm to drink open your Bibles to first Samuel 25 let's discover how to respond when life throws us curveballs [Music] [Music] [Music] welcome back to the women of the Bible podcast I'm Aaron Davis we're so glad you can join us this season is all about Abigail when you think of women of the Bible you may not think about Abigail but as we walk through this study titled Abigail living with the difficult people in your life you're gonna love Abigail and you're gonna learn to deal with the difficult people in your life so we're gathered around a table with our Bibles open with the Bible study I've got some friends of mine that have joined me I'll let them introduce themselves to you in a minute but that's our hope for you I hope that you're not just walking through this study on your own I hope that you're gathered with women with neighbors and this is only session - there's still time call your friend that lives three states away and say let's walk through the Abigail study together let's listen to the podcast episodes let's discuss because any time we open the Bible it's good it's profitable it's good for our hearts but there's just something about opening the Bible with other women looking at it from multiple angles and that's what this is so without further ado and that was a lot of ado I want to introduce you to the friends who are here with me first is my friend Meg meg and I really hang out we really do in neighboring towns we attend the same church and a couple of years ago you were newly married and you texted me your email me er yes I saw your answer and me I don't know what you said you said I would love for you what did you say I needed a mentor a mentor yep and you asked for a marriage mentor and I said it can't help you there 20 years and I do not have the thing figured out so I think I said I don't I don't know that I'm the right marriage mentor but let's have coffee and so we have a favorite Starbucks yes we didn't we like to hang out and um meg loves Jesus she loves the church she's super fun I want to know your perfect Friday night perfect Friday night I'm kind of boring honestly I call myself an extroverted introvert I can go into a crowd I can do the parties but my perfect Friday night I'm gonna be I mean if it's a nice night outside I'm gonna take a hammock I'm gonna take a book I'm gonna take my mug of tea and I'm gonna go and be quiet and enjoy the outdoors hopefully my husband is there that's my perfect Friday night that's why we get along that sounds yes nice and quiche and I are real friends too but we don't live near each other I live in the Midwest and where do you live Kisha always been in LA yeah born and raised in Kelly oh so I'm a city girl love that and what's your perfect Friday night perfect Friday night Netflix and chill yeah cuz if you need me to spend my Friday night out with cute clothes on right doing things no I can't I need a Netflix or an hammock I think it does I think older we get the more that we just want to stay home yeah I know I know I'm the same yes so we're not here to talk about our favorite Friday night we're here to look at the story of Abigail and we don't we don't get a lot of information about her in Scripture we it's all contained in one chapter First Samuel chapter 25 so if you're following with us we'd love for you to go ahead and open your Bible there and in the first episode we didn't make it very far into the story we were introduced to the three people who are really the players in this story David who's not yet king but he's been anointed cam and Keisha remind us what is David doing when we meet him in 1st Samuel 25 well he's actually grieving Samuel just died so he's grieving he's fleeing from Saul he's stressed so he has a lot of emotions going on he does that's right and then we meet naval and scripture doesn't pull any punches about the kind of guy in naval is and every time we talk about naval my heart kind of sink yeah we're not we don't like him yeah it does something yeah the Bible tells us that he's harsh that he's wicked and his dealings that he's rude behaved he's rude were about to see in this episode that those things are true the man is rude and then we see kind of the human heroine of the story Jesus is the hero of every story the Bible is about him ultimately and he's the one that's gonna bring Redemption in this story but the human heroine of this story the namesake study war and every interaction we see with her we're gonna love her more we're gonna see her in this episode respond to a difficult man in a difficult situation with grace and poise and so let's dig in meg would you read us first Samuel 25 4 through 8 I can while David was in the wilderness he heard that navel was shearing sheep so he sent 10 young men and said to them go up to navel at Carmel and greet him in my name say to him long life to you good health to you and your household and good health to all that's yours now I hear that it is sheep shearing time when you're shepherds were with us we did not mistreat them and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing ask your own servants and they will tell you therefore be favorable toward my men since we come at festive time please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them okay so that's kind of old fashioned language we hear talking in it David ultimately asking of naval give us some snacks sharing time go around all that and David and his men are on the run yeah he's saying Vita yes can I invite myself over can I fight myself over and how would you describe David's approach and what what tone would you say he takes with Nabel at this point Keesha I think he took a very humble route yeah and it seemed to be gentle not overbearing not demanding but very humble and you know reminding Nabal of what he's going to have how much abundance is gonna be and we can we just get a little something from it mm-hmm penny reminds him hey you're your Shepherds have been among us and we didn't do them harm we're gonna see in a minute that David is traveling with a army yes and they couldn't race they could have taken the Sheep back or they could have forced the Shepherds into their own army now saying hey it's a little bit of I scratched your back you scratch my back and he gives this blessing from the beginning so to me it all sounds pretty reasonable but naval responds in a way that isn't exactly reasonable Keisha can you read us verses 10 through 11 sure but naval answered David's servants and said who is David and who is the son of Jesse there are many servants today who are each breaking away from his master shall I then take my bread and my water and my meat that I have slaughtered for my shears and give it to men whose origin I do not know okay what's the tone here very very sarcastic yeah comes across I've never heard this name David which come on yeah everybody had her today everyone's right after you killed d'lai everyone's hurt okay so this is it there's your right he's being sarcastic he's heard of David and then what's this deal why doesn't he want to give the meat and the sheep and the servants what's his hang-up well I think verse 3 tells us he's just harsh and evil yeah that's right that's who yet that's who he is that's right this is just it's probably watched sort of character right no that's his character yep and there's there's a scarcity mindset you know we can operate out of scarcity or we can operate out of abundance and we see scarcely in him like why would I give you my things you know get some for your own and then there's this there's lots of servants breaking around away from their masters a little bit no dad yeah you know what passive-aggressive is aggressive aggressive it's you know it is not any more gracious it is not any more kind it is not any more godly to kind of come at somebody sideways like that okay I thought I was the only one who felt like that yeah please come at me yes just come right up I can deal with anything head on and on but those little sideways comments no no I don't so David comes David makes a reasonable request of naval a naval responds with sarcasm he is Patra dicing he is seeking to humiliate a little bit we see this harshness in him meg how do you think you'd respond somebody comes at you with sarcasm and passive aggressiveness what does history tell you about your response I think I see this just in daily life for sure but a couple years ago I had a very difficult boss and I actually left that position because he was extremely verbally abusive and so this passage was really difficult for me to work through because it felt like it was smacking me back in the face and I was right back in that seat in that office and I would just go home and sob because those kinds of words just put you down to side absolutely and they're designed to put you in your place and to Lord and above you I think my response a lot of times was to shrink which I loved seeing later on that Abigail's posture is not one that has shrunk even living among Nabal she very much deals with conflict head-on she's honest she even addresses the evil yes you know she's not sideways about that she's not sugarcoating what she's lived with she calls it for what it is and so I think that's what I should have done is to address the evil or the harshness for what it is without shrinking you know we all have encounters with navels time-to-time and whether they're it's a daily drip of that or it's just somebody random in the airport I think we need to be equipped through the Word of God that's a good point because I think oftentimes we have a misconception of what godliness looks like sure and sometimes godliness too a lot of people is to shrink and to just be almost dormant you know and and to not vocalize you know yourself and you know be assertive yeah but this story shows that there is a time for us to be assertive and still be godly yep you know so I think that's a good point that she might my husband's so good at that I say that he rides a white horse I mean he just he's just has the strong sense of justice and he just runs in with a sword drawn all these circumstances and there have been times that has been embarrassing to me be like we were at a basketball game and the coach was cussing and we were sitting right behind him in my husband with our kids say you're not going to talk like that in front of my children am i face turned 70 that was the right response we're at a family basketball game there's kids here and you're dropping this language that's not appropriate I think it was a godly response so I think Abigail's gonna show us that there are times that we stand up and that that's a righteous response navels response reminds me of proverbs 15:1 I'm going to read it to us a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger and that is just a little nugget for us to file in our hearts as we're looking for truth from this story that we can apply to our lives a soft word turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger and that's exactly what happens here harsh words are the behavior and it's easier for us to think of times when people were harsh to us but I always want us to flip that and think about our own harsh words and when we do that's the behavior but we need to dig deeper what does Jesus tell us about our words Meg in Matthew 12:34 you brood of vipers how can you who are evil say anything good for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of the mouth speaks with the heart that is a really convicting principle that that our mouth is just the plant above the surface and it reveals what is in the root of our heart and so the way that I think of that is that it's impossible for me to say what I don't mean I might say something I didn't mean somebody here here I might say something I didn't even mean for that reaction but if I if it comes out of my mouth it existed first in my heart and so I think I've wasted a lot of energy asking the Lord to fix my mouth when I need the Lord to fix my heart so Keisha can you take us back to verse 11 we're gonna read nabel's words again but I want us to think through that grid that yeah these are the words but they're revealing something about the heart can you read us verse 11 sure shall I then take my bread and my water and my meat in that I have slaughtered for my Shearer's and give it to men whose origin I do not know yeah that was the right emphasis what are we here my my my my in just a brief sentence navel is talking a lot about himself so we would have to we'd have to assume here we'd have to make some assumption scripture doesn't tell us the heart of navel have you noticed the Lord doesn't tell you the hearts of others we have any right to assume the heart of another human being that's the lord's territory it's not our territory only he knows so he doesn't tell us what's going on enables heart but by the my my my my my we here enable what sort of things can we assume are in the heart of navel what did you hear there Keesha I heard selfish I did to self-preservation self-preservation yep anything else sting genus I hear pride right definitely bright which is you know an inflated sense of self yeah thinking about me we're just thinking about others and so just in those few words we can peel back the soil a little and go we don't like the root of that so we can dig back the soil of nabel's words and see some roots there you know we don't like those and that's an interesting discussion maybe but Naples gone he's long gone he's in the ground and so his heart attitudes are moot but our heart attitudes are not so I wonder if the Lord has shown you in your own life what your harsh words reveal what heart attitudes your harsh words reveal make okay so for me it's in the embarrassing moments it's in the little stuff that shouldn't get my dander up and I was processing this going through the study and really trying to get to the heart of it and it wasn't any mystical thing it when I feel vulnerable or like I'm at a place where I may be insecure about something or you know whatever it may be that's throwing me off my groove that's when I feel like I need to prove that I have the upper hand that I have it put together one of spin to this and that's when I respond to people with don't you know my time is valuable don't you know that I'm too busy that you know how could I Bend for you I'm important I'm valuable and it's coming out of this I'm trying to speak that to myself I'm I'm feeling vulnerable or insecure and I'm trying to trump myself up out of that and so I'm responding to you in that way and don't you think if we dig a little deeper don't you think insecurity is always a faith issue oh yeah I mean it's absolutely it's not gonna take care of me here he's not gonna protect me he's not gonna make sure I'm well esteem he doesn't have my back I mean we don't think that in the moment that the harsh word is out but I think insecurity is a faith issue what do you think Keisha when you think of the circumstances in which you are harsh what heart issues do you think are underlying I think underlying it's pride and the reason why I say that is because if you feel you have to defend yourself yeah you're kind of thinking yourself a little bit more important than you ought to if you have to defend yourself when someone offends you you know all the time you have to defend yourself so I think underlying is pride it's a pride issue yeah and just not being able to humble yourself and allowing someone to have the one up on you you mentioned the one up so just and allowing that person to be the one that's above you for what you know in that situation so I think pride don't you and impatience don't you think probably exists in every human heart no I'm so sick of my battle with pride I look forward to the day when I know the Lord fully as I've been fully known and my pride is a former thing but until then I have to battle it yeah and humility is such a slippery thing I mean the second you think you're humble nope something comes to show you you're not here not and that never feels good but it's ultimately grace because if the Lord is revealing a pocket of pride in you that's an opportunity to surrender and so your words can be really a flag a flare that shoots up that goes wait a minute we still got a pocket of pride my harsh words reveal anger and I did not think I was angry person and then I had four children in ten years all boys and that's where my harsh words come out the most and I hate that I mean those are the people that I would throw myself in front of a bus for and yet those are the people most impacted by my sin I hate that I'm so glad the Lord will redeem it but those harsh words are not because they're disobeying me those harsh words are not because I'm tired and they baby kept me up all night those harsh words are not for any reason other than I have anger in my heart the Lord has used my children to expose it I wouldn't have known it was there I would have never repented for it I would have never needed the Lord as much as I do I mean I would have needed him I didn't have known how much I need him so those harsh words when we speak them there's a opportunity there to pause and ask the Lord what's going on here they reveal our need for him think of those words whether they come out as harsh or insensitive or dude think of them like the tip of the iceberg and the sin is the iceberg underneath and I want us to just practically walk a woman through what does it look like to repent as you're listening to this and you're going oh there's some hard attitudes here that I need the Lord to help me with practically what does it look like to repent of those heart attitudes I would say first you have to confess it mm-hmm you have to acknowledge and agree right agree with God that this is a sin issue here not try to sugarcoat it justify it blame it on the person so take ownership of that sin and confess it to the Lord I think that's a very first step yep that's right make any other thoughts on what repentance looks like for me it has definitely been mentoring relationships our relationship has been really important for me in that way maybe it's a my age group maybe it's all ages but I think we tend to gang up with our best buddies that are gonna agree with us that are gonna sugarcoat it and I need somebody that's gonna shoot it to me straight and say hey that's not okay and that I'm repenting in honesty and like you said acknowledging it for for what it is I've called Meg out on a few things but that's what a good mentor godly woman is and we need it I'm so glad you said that I'm so glad from a 23 year old right because I often say this is what we need so to hear it from your perspective that this is what we need we need this in the body we need the accountability and we need someone who's gonna call us out and point us in the right direction to be that for others as well we need to be willing to yeah all the research and and our lives show that young women want that they want a true speaker in their life they want I think we sometimes get bogged down on the mentor word they want that they want that true speaker and and we as older women Keisha were the older women we have a responsibility to call somebody to repentance though never easy and always messy is ultimately a gift because when we repent we can turn so if the Lord is your listen to this podcast if you feel that conviction I would encourage you to confess it to the Lord and confess it to somebody else it's not about airing your dirty laundry necessarily it's a biblical principle that hey this is in me I can't fix it on my own I want to turn I need help so let's read David's response now let's remember who David is this is the man who slays Giants yes this is the man anointed king with he's on the run what he's a warrior right just spared Saul's life will visit that soon this is no shrinking violet of a man and in verse 13 and David said to his men every man strapped on his sword I don't know if he said it like that but every man strapped on his sword and every man of them strapped on his sore I mean this is a man who leads men when he says get your swords the men get the sword and David also strapped on his sword and about four hundred men went up after David while 200 remained with the baggage I'm interested in that little nugget like how much luggage did they have you know what that was that was more swords these bags and bags and bags but this is his response he says every man do your sword and Nabal doesn't say in a chance this is naval versus 400 armed men and this is really proverbs 15:1 in action I mean a harsh word stirred up this hangar and David and he's about to go to war I have four boys and this is what they do I say all of boyhood is one continuous war I mean it's just like we're gonna fight all the time about everything and that testosterone starts bumping and let's let's let's wrestle with we don't know the answer but does you think this is a righteous response I'm not sure they're not sure I want to say yes cuz it's day this is day because we don't like navel right but the reason why I would say no is because we know at the end he basically thanked Abigail yeah for interceding Yeah right and for for stopping him from shedding blood and having that guilt so so that's the only reason why I would say lean towards no but then I'm like wait we weren't able to pay well I already say this I don't know if it's righteous or unrighteous I don't know how the Lord would categorize it but what we do see is that harsh words escalate and there's a disproportionate response here because navel was just a jerk yes and David's gonna kill him yeah and so that is not a proportionate response and he's not just gonna kill him he's not gonna go man-to-man right he doesn't call him out and say let's fight this Isis he brings all his boys and they're gonna slaughter him and so that's what harsh words do and there's a principle in the study that's worth mentioning I think it's the hault principle and it gives us pause if we're hungry angry lonely or tired we pause because if we're hungry I'm always just need to throw me a cheese dish do you notice when it when we get into Abigail's response one of the first things mentioned is she acts quickly and she grabs a bunch of food show the situation so if we're hungry angry lonely or tired pause yeah just pause and meet that need stop before you speak because harsh words are gonna come we're gonna be harsh towards others and somebody else's behavior doesn't need to change our behavior and so we need to know these principles that that harsh words stir up anger our own harsh words are gonna stir up anger what harsh words can do is they can take what was a spar and throw kerosene on them and so we can respond with grace but also we need to remember that harsh words are the plant and what's the root and that the root is a heart issue and those we're going to continue to talk through this story we're gonna be reminded that only the Lord changes the heart so whether it's that person that's rude to you in the checkout line or cuts you off in traffic or whether it's the difficult boss or the unbelieving husband or the friend who's just rude all the time we don't need the Lord to work on their words or our own words as much as we need him to work on the heart so I'm just gonna reach through the microphone to the woman who's listening and and pray for the Lord to remind us that he works in our hearts Jesus we love you we thank you for the work you've already done in our hearts none of our hearts would turn to you if you didn't do that work in us and Lord is we're talking about these heart issues God you are the master of our hearts and I pray for the woman who has been listening and his experienced conviction God work in her heart your word is a sword it cuts away the things that are not of you and so in the way that only you can God reveal the heart attitudes that are causing those harsh words to bubble up lord help us to repent lead us to those people that we can confess our sins to so that ultimately we can be more like you we love you too near name I pray amen [Music] [Music]

Channel: Revive Our Hearts

Views: 16,756

Rating: 4.9418888 out of 5

Keywords: Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, Bible study, Abigail, women's ministry

Id: 5msNvhVbdW8

Length: 30min 2sec (1802 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 13 2020