male announcer:
From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters
in New York, "The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah" presents... ♪ ♪ [mocking accordion music] - [giggles] ♪ ♪ - President Trump clashing
with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer
over border security during an explosive sit-down. - Nancy Pelosi
and Chuck Schumer together with the president,
clashed big time over border wall funding. With a December 21 deadline to
avoid a government shutdown, the clock is ticking. - Trump is demanding $5 billion
for a border wall, and as you can imagine,
Democrats would rather release Obama's original
Kenyan birth certificate than give Trump
that wall money, which is why this meeting
turned into an absolute mess. - You want to shut it down.
You keep talking about it. - No, no, no, the last time,
Chuck, you shut it down... - No, no, no, 20 times--
- And then you opened it up very quickly, and I don't want
to do what you did. - But you said it is effective. - Can I be--
can I tell you something? - Yeah, you just said
it's effective. - House Democrats
who just won a big victory... - Elections have consequences,
Mr. President. - Let me just say this--
- That's right. And that's why
the country's doing so well. - You can do border security
without a wall, which is wasteful
and doesn't solve the problem. - It totally solves
the problem. - Morale is not high.
- We've gained in the Senate. Nancy, we've gained
in the Senate. Excuse me.
Did we win the Senate? - Is morale--
- We won the Senate. - When the president brags that he won North Dakota
and Indiana, he's in real trouble. [audience laughs and exclaims]
- [laughing] Okay, okay... Why does Chuck Schumer
keep talking to the camera? [laughter] They're having an argument
and he's like a character in an episode of "The Office." He's like, "Now the president
is doing this right now." [upbeat music] Now the thing about shutdowns
is that if they end quickly, there's not much harm
that is done, right, but the longer they go on,
the worse the effects are. Think of it like this: If you leave your cats
at home alone for the weekend, they may not love it,
but they'll be fine, right? They'll just, like,
drink toilet water or something, right, but if you're gone
for six months, you're gonna need
some new cats, right? [laughter]
And-- because they escape
and they leave. [laughter] And 17 days into this shutdown, let's just say that America's
cats are starting to stink. - Tonight, nearly a dozen
departments and agencies have run out of funding. Roughly 25% of the
federal government gone dark. - Here are those departments: Agriculture, Commerce,
Justice, Homeland Security, Housing and Urban Development,
Interior, State, Transportation, Treasury. - Many judges are furloughed, creating a backlog in
the immigration court system. - Then there are the farmers
already under duress from the president's trade war
with China. The shutdown means they're not getting
those stimulus payments promised by their government. - The ripple effects extending
to the national parks piling up with garbage,
even human waste, turning them
into health hazards. - Park visitors in some places
are taking care of business, shall we say, along pathways
or in the woods. - That's right. The shutdown has gotten so bad that at national parks, Americans are pooping
on the ground. [scattered laughter] Who's the shithole country now? [laughter] [cheers and applause] [stirring orchestral music] - It's day 20 of the second longest
government shutdown in history. 1995, we're coming for ya!
Whoo! With no end in sight, civil servants are marching
on Washington, D.C., and the president knows why. - People that
won't get next week's pay or the following week's pay, I think if you ever
really looked at those people, I think they'd say,
"Mr. President..." - He's talking about people
who work for the IRS or Homeland Security or NASA and are about to miss
their first paycheck. Time to give these people
a chance to speak
to the president directly and to tell him to keep going. This is a card
for President Trump to tell him to keep going. You write whatever you want
to President Trump in his Keep Going card. - American Federation
of Government Employees, "Hell no." - He wrote,
"Keep going, Mr. President. We are all not behind you." You mean--"not not"
is what he meant to write. - Stop... the... BS. - "Stop the BS." Bad seeds trying to come in
from over the border, right? We got it, Ryan. See, the people do support
the president. You tell President Trump exactly
how much you support him and what he's doing. [laughter, scattered applause] - Don't hold back. [cheers and applause]
May be this rally just needs a good, simple chant. Keep going! Keep going! Keep going, Mr. President! Keep going,
Mr. President! Where's everybody leaving? Come back. [funky music] ♪ ♪ - So, today at the White House, the president met
with congressional leaders to try and negotiate an end
to this shutdown, and, uh, Trump
shut that down too. - Unfortunately,
the president just got up
and walked out. Uh, he asked, uh,
Speaker Pelosi, "Will you agree to my wall?" She said, "No," and he just got up and said, "Then we have nothing
to talk discuss," and he just walked out. - This was what President Trump
had to say about it. He said, "Just left a meeting
with Chuck and Nancy, "a total waste of time. "I asked, 'Are you going
to approve border security, "which includes a wall
or steel barrier?' "Nancy said, 'No.' "I said, 'Bye-bye.' Nothing else works." - [mimicking Trump]
Bye-bye. Oh, man, say what you want
about Trump, some of the things that he does
are pretty badass, right? 'Cause that's always been
a dream of mine. I'm not gonna lie.
I've always dreamed of walking into a meeting
and being like, "Are you guys gonna
give me what I want?" "No?
Well, then this meetings over. Bye-bye." [mocking accordion music] ♪ ♪ [men humming patriotic music] - All we got from Trump was basically another
immigration stump speech. And, like, not even
one of his fun ones, you know, where he, like, jerks off
an imaginary giant or whatever he's doing.
[laughter] Instead, we just-- [scattered applause, laughter] We just got a low energy
Jeb version of Trump. - My fellow Americans, tonight I am speaking to you because there is
a growing humanitarian and security crisis
at our southern border. The federal government
remains shutdown for one reason
and one reason only. Because Democrats
will not fund border security. This is a humanitarian crisis, a crisis of the heart, and a crisis of the soul. - [mimicking Trump]
"Soul." [laughter] "Crisis of the soul." [laughter] You know Trump had
to practice that word hard because he's never
said it before, right? He was probably reading
a draft of the speech like... [mimicking Trump]
"A crisis of the soul. "Sowl--sowel. "Did you guys
just make up this word? "I love it. Give me more
nonsense words like this. I love it.
Sou--soul." [laughter] And, look, for all the hype, the speech wasn't even
that long. It was only ten minutes, and eight minutes of it
was just Trump sniffing. - This barrier
is absolutely critical to border security.
[sniffs] That defends our borders, and we--opens the government.
[sniffs] Democrats in Congress
have refused to acknowledge the crisis.
[sniffs] [laughter]
- [sniffs] [laughing]
He was going--like-- he was sniffing so much,
it sounds like he's trying to get all the drugs
off the street himself. "I'll get rid of them. Give--bring them to me." But even in
that short ten minutes, President Trump managed
to pack in a lot of scaring the shit out of people
about illegal immigrants. - Our southern border's
a pipeline for vast quantities
of illegal drugs. Meth, heroin, cocaine... More Americans will die
from drugs this year... Sex crimes...
violent killings... murdered...
raped... beaten...
beheading... dismembering...
blood... blood. - Good Lord, so much violence.
[scattered laughter] This thing was on TV
at 9:00 p.m. This doesn't belong on network.
This was an HBO speech. They should have put up one of
those content warnings first so you could get the kids
out of the room, you know? And right now it looks like
the shutdown could go on for a very long time
because both sides feel like they have a mandate
from voters, right? Trump could say that
he won the presidency promising a border wall, so he has a duty
to build that wall. But on the other hand,
he also promised that Mexico would pay for it. The Democrats could say that they just won the midterms
in a landslide, and they ran against the wall, so they have
an obligation to stop it. But the one thing everyone
should be able to agree on is that none of this should
shut the government down. This is politics. This is what you're supposed
to be discussing. It's your job. And it's also disingenuous
for President Trump to try and blame the shutdown
on the Democrats. Especially after saying this... - I am proud to shutdown the
government for border security. I will be the one
to shut it down. I'm not gonna blame you for it. [laughter] [mimicking Trump]
"Unless it goes bad, then I'm blaming you guys.
Bye-bye!" [laughter, cheers,
and applause] The whole debate has just
devolved into wall or no wall, like caveman Congress. And if there's
one thing we know, it's that nothing
will stop immigrants from trying to come to America. This is a place
that people dream of coming to because people who are trying
to make a better, safer life for their families will do
anything to achieve that dream. And I know Donald Trump
understands this because of this video we found from 15 years ago. - Never ever give up. Don't give up. Don't allow it to happen. If there's a concrete wall
in front of you, go through it, go over it,
go around it, but get to the other side
of that wall. [ominous music] ♪ ♪ - We know from DHS testing over the course
of the last year that all of President Trump's
prototypes were breachable in some way,
but now for the first time, "NBC News" has exclusively
obtained a photograph of the steel-slat-barrier-style
border wall design that was clearly
cut through with what we are told
is a household saw. - You'd think the news that you can just saw through
a steel wall would be devastating news
for Trump, but, apparently,
he already knows about this, and he's not concerned. - There's nothing that
can't be penetrated, but you fix it. - I get what he's saying.
Again, I get it. Even if a wall
isn't 100% impenetrable, it's still better than nothing. And America's gonna need
all the help it can get because the way Trump tells it, things on the border
are about to get nuts. - Here's the story. There is another... major caravan forming... right now in Honduras. And so far--we're trying
to break it up, but so far, it's bigger
than anything we've seen. - I don't know, but
the president makes it sound like a hurricane of Hondurans
is heading for the U.S. You know--no, I mean, like, say what you want
about him as president, but Donald Trump would make
a great immigration weatherman. - Here's the story. There is another... major caravan forming right now in Honduras, and so far--we're trying
to break it up, but so far, it's bigger
than anything we've seen, and a drone
isn't gonna stop it, and a sensor
isn't gonna stop it. But you know what's gonna
stop it in its tracks? A nice, powerful wall. [mocking accordion music] ♪ ♪ - President Trump
is demanding $5 billion from U.S. taxpayers
to fund the wall, which is weird
because during the campaign, he might have mentioned
once or twice another idea for where
the wall money would come from. - I will build
a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico
pay for that wall. [together] Mexico is going
to pay for the wall. Mexico is going
to pay for the wall 100%. Who's gonna pay for the wall? all: Mexico! - Only thing worse
than one Trump is many Trumps.
[laughter] Mexico's gonna pay for it. That was Trump's
signature catchphrase. More than
any other catchphrase. More than "you're fired." More than
"make America great again." Even more than "don't tell
my wife about this." [laughter] But we never should have
actually believed that Mexico was going
to pay for the wall. Because every time
someone asked Trump how Mexico would pay, he had a completely
different explanation. - There will be a payment. It will be in a form,
perhaps a complicated form. One way or the other, Mexico's
gonna pay for the wall. That's right.
It may be through reimbursement, but one way or the other,
Mexico will pay for the wall. The wall will pay for itself
on a monthly basis. We're working on
a tax reform bill that will generate revenue
from Mexico that will pay for the wall. We have a trade deficit
with Mexico of $58 billion. All I have to do is start
playing with that trade deficit and, believe me,
they're gonna pay for the wall. They may even write us a check by the time they see
what happens. Obviously, they're
not gonna write a check. It's gonna be paid for
by Canada, by the way. It's gonna be paid for--
maybe I'll get Canada to pay. It's gonna be paid for
by Mexico. - Wait.
What? [laughter] You know, Donald Trump
is truly a legend. Instead of admitting
that he misspoke, he'd rather try and
make Canada pay for the wall. He's just like,
"Yeah, Canada's gonna pay-- "I mean--yeah,
actually, Canada's gonna pay. I might make them pay
for the wall." And, shame, Canada's so nice,
they'd probably do it. They'd be like, "Um,
this is not really aboot us, but I guess we'll pay, eh?"
[laughter] [spaghetti western music] ♪ ♪ - Speaker of the House,
Nancy Pelosi, has sent a letter
to President Trump asking to move the day of
the State of the Union address citing security concerns. - Pelosi writes... - That's right, not only is the
state of the Union uncertain, the state of the State
of the Union is uncertain. And Nancy Pelosi,
she's kind of right. It is tough to convince people that the state of the Union
is strong when you have to give
the speech by candlelight because the government
hasn't paid its bills. [laughter] Trump's just gonna
be sitting there like, [mimicking Trump]
"Closer, Mitch, closer. "Close--not too close! I swear to God,
if you burn my weave, bitch." [laughter] But I personally hope
they can fix this soon because Trump delivering the
State of the Union in writing would be a disaster, okay? I mean, this is the same guy who tweeted the word
"hamberders" yesterday. [laughter] Like, if Trump
writes his speech down, he's gonna
end up declaring that the state of the Union
is schlong. It's not gonna be--
it's not gonna work out. And, plus, if he doesn't
do the speech out loud, we'd all miss out
on all the weird physical stuff that he does, you know? Unless--unless--unless he
writes that into the speech too. Then it would work.
If he was like... "...bring it home
with the accordion, folks. Bring it home." [accordion music]
[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ - President Trump
moments ago cancelling House Speaker
Nancy Pelosi's overseas trip
to Brussels, Egypt, and the warzone
that is Afghanistan hours before the Speaker and her
congressional delegation were set to leave, saying in part,
"In light of the 800,000 great American workers
not receiving pay, I am sure you would agree
that postponing this public relations
even is totally appropriate." He goes on to write... all: Ooh. - You can feel Trump said it like it's the worst thing
he could think of. [mimicking Trump] "If you wanna
fly commercial, ah..." [laughter] That's hardcore, though, right? Cancelling her flight right
before she's about to take off. That's, like, the complete
opposite of a romantic comedy. Like, I imagine Trump ran
through the airport like... [mimicking Trump]
"Nancy! Nancy, wait! Nancy, there's something
I have to tell you," and Pelosi was like,
"Yes, Donald?" He's like, "Nancy,
get the [bleep] off the plane." [laughter] [spaghetti western music] - Overnight,
President Trump blinking in his State of the Union
stare down with Nancy Pelosi. The president writing
in a late night tweet... - Oh, look at that. Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi
facing off, and Trump blinked first, which, of course,
we knew would happen because Nancy Pelosi
does not blink. [mocking accordion music] ♪ ♪ - The shutdown is over. - 800,000 furloughed
federal workers will go back
to work today, and should be getting their
back pay within days. - That fix only opens the
government for three weeks, and it does not provide any
new money for a border wall as President Trump
had demanded. - I am very proud
to announce today that we have reached a deal
to end the shutdown and reopen
the federal government. - Have you ever noticed how
all of Trump's accomplishments are just fixing things
that he broke. [laughter] He's like...[mimicking Trump]
"Folks, good news. I freed the immigrant kids
from their cages." "Wait.
Who put them in cages?" [mimicking Trump]
"Also me. "I'm glad to announce North Korea isn't gonna
blow us up anymore." "Wait.
Why were they gonna blow us up?" [mimicking Trump]
"'Cause I called him a fat, little rocket man."
[laughter] Maybe it would have been
all worth it for Trump if he had gotten some of that
sweet, sweet wall money. But he folded
with nothing to show for it. And even some of his strongest
supporters are admitting that Trump got owned by Nancy Pelosi biggly. - "Broken man,"
"biggest wimp," "Trump just allowed Nancy
to walk all over him." - It's clear Trump
did not come out on top. I'm not gonna spin it
for you. - She has just whipped the president
of the United States. - Lou--
In this count--no, no. And to deny it, is to try
to escape from reality. - You heard
what Lou Dobbs said. If you can't acknowledge that Nancy Pelosi
whooped Trump's ass, then you are not
in touch with reality. And, honestly,
I don't know why Lou Dobbs delivered
this message on TV. He could have just posted a
sign in the Fox News break room. - He did not cave. He made a tactical decision, a strategy decision, to pick the ground to fight on. - [mimicking Pirro] "To pick
the ground to fight on." [laughter] "To pick the ground." You know, this--I'm sorry.
This is unbelievable. No matter what Trump does, he's always a mastermind who's accomplishing
precisely what he wanted to do. Like, if Trump was boxing
and he got knocked out cold, like, Jeanine Pirro
would be like, "Brilliant. "Another strategic
consciousness pause "by President Trump. You can't get knocked down
if you stay on the ground." [laughter] What is-- But, look, if you ignore
the stands over at Fox News, it's pretty clear
the shutdown was a political disaster
for President Trump. It hurt the economy, it destroyed
his approval ratings, and worst of all,
he's not getting his wall. And remember,
Congress only has three weeks to reach an agreement
on border security before the government
runs out of money again. But the good news is--
the good news is, there probably won't be
another shutdown. Because after seeing
how bad this shutdown went, like, only a true moron would think of shutting down
the government again, and no one--
no one is that stupid, right? - We begin today
with the President's acting chief of staff,
Mick Mulvaney. Is the president
really prepared to shut down
the government again in three weeks? - Uh, yeah. I think he actually is. - My man.
