A Recipe For Relationships // Christian-ish Part. 5 // Dr. Dharius Daniels

hey youtube family uh yeah just watch this at your own risk if you're single and you want a framework for your dayton watch this if you in a relationship and you want a framework to take it to the next level watch this you need to watch all of this matter of fact need to watch it a few times i'm telling you right now this is real real talk enjoy i want to read one scripture found in amos chapter 3 verse 3 and this is what amos says he says do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so i want to talk from this subject today i want to give you a recipe for relationships a recipe for relationships i want to begin our time together family by communicating a conviction that i believe needs to be regularly repeated and that is besides making a decision to follow the leadership of jesus who you choose to be romantically involved with is one of the most consequential decisions you will ever make i'm going to say this again besides making a decision to live your life following the example and adhering to the instructions of jesus christ besides that the most consequential decision you will make is who you choose to spend the rest of your life with i i i want to reiterate a word that i chose to use to convey my point and that word is consequential because i am not saying that your relational life is the most important thing in your life i am saying it affects everything that's important it's tight already and watch this decisions that are this consequential should not be made casually however the spirit of this age what does that mean that's a term that paul uses in the bible to describe social trends the way people typically do things in a giving point at human history the spirit of this age has seemed to cultivate a culture of casualness [Music] come on flippitness nonchalantness when it comes to relational decisions as if who you choose to give your heart to doesn't affect you this not only seems to be the case listen to me with the way we are managing ourselves when it comes to who we pick but it also seems to be the case oh everybody breathe it also seems to be the case in how we are managing others after we pick them okay let me rephrase it there seems to be watch this now because you got to understand church is not church culture is not the only culture that disciples there's a word the bible uses to describe christians who have been discipled by culture the words carnal it means that person is a believer they've been authentically converted but the majority of their life and the decisions that they make are not influenced by god's creative intent it's influenced by whatever is the spirit of the age it's christian-ish it's it's whatever's in vogue whatever's popular whatever is gaining steam yeah whoever the new influencer is on relationships even if they don't have one [Applause] whatever whatever is involved it means that that's what's influencing their decisions that's what's influencing their financial decisions that's what's influencing their professional decisions that's what's influencing their emotional disease that's what's influencing their relational decisions the bible calls it it's not that they're not a christian it's not that god doesn't love them now that they're not going to heaven it's just it's colonel so culture disciples and there's this we've been discipled into here it is again now casualness when it comes to playing with my heart because some of us watch this well i mean but but there's this culture of casualness and flippantless and nonchalantness and you know i can just i can do here i can do there cause i can control my heart and i'm gonna show you in a minute you can't i can control my heart i'm gonna show you in a minute that god who gave you your heart say you can't and your heart will have you feeling something for somebody you shouldn't feel it for he said i'm in love with who ain't somebody who's not good for me see come on now no no no no no no no no come on now and so that heart then which is your second brain has you acting illogically so cognitively you know that's not good for you cognitively you know that they're not changing cognitively you know that you deserve better but emotionally you can't do what you know to be true cognitively because you thought you had control because you were with this one that one this one that one and then there was that one that got through and the one that got through has such a hold on you [Applause] i know you you got it you got it under control but it's now we have children's church right the kids because i'm i i said i'm talking like a spiritual father today so you got your kids in children's church right we got a great one we got staff so you okay it's always gonna be that one and if they don't get you emotionally they gonna get you physically see let me i'm just gonna stay in the camera i'ma say it one more time because i'm not playing games with the devil today and i'm not talking around this subject i'm going straight there if they don't get you emotionally they will rock your world so much physically that you have a re a constant mental replay going on on the inside of you and they have so taken you to the third heaven physically now you know they're not good for you on the first heaven [Music] [Applause] ain't nothing good but that but that was so good that you keep going back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] and now you ruined because you have comparisons you should never have you're wrestling with comparisons god never intended for you to wrestle with and it complicates your ability now to choose correctly because you're trying to recapture something that you got in a season where the enemy wanted to embellish and over exaggerate how good it was cause it's as good as it was you still left cause the other part was that bad but the devil don't remind you of why you left y'all let me he reminds you of why you wanted to stay [Applause] there's a casualness flippedness way more reflective of the way relationships are managed in culture christian ish so we don't just gamble with our heart with who we pick we can also be inconsiderate of the hearts of the people we do pick it's like why you get me just to play with me do you want to be in a relationship or not it's almost as if loving your neighbor doesn't inform the way we treat our partner you know love your neighbor part go for your partner too love my neighbor i do love them no no no agape what's that that's first corinthians 13. love is patient [Music] love is kind love keeps no record of wrongs it's almost as if the expectation is and we got to talk about this and this is why now of course there are a group of men that are adverse to commitment but i think it's intellectually lazy to automatically assume that the lack of excitement when it comes to men and marriage has everything to do with commitment issues i just think that's intel is does that apply to a certain part of the demographic of course but to say that's the only reason that's intellectually lazy because if i was not married and i see the way marriage is portrayed on tv and here some of the people talk about their marriages that are married i don't know if i would want that are you all okay i want you to think about think about think about the images and the examples of marriage and i know culture's not our example but that's what's in front of most people i want you to come on now i want you to think about celebrity couples i want you to think about um no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no [Applause] [Music] i was about to say tv shows guys [Applause] it's almost like the couple is like tolerating each other no just really think about it it's like they're kind of tolerating each other they not chasing each other no more they not you know what i mean the man ain't running behind a woman the woman ain't studying the man come on now there was more intimate when it was wrong than they were when it was right baby come get the mic because they want me to play games i don't they want me to grab my ear and squall or something while the devil is running uncontested in this area of many of our lives i'm telling you this and i want y'all to hear me as a pastor who's been serving this church 17 years i've had the privilege to get from god of walking with people through some of the most heart-wrenching experiences in their life i can't tell you some of the stuff people have had to walk through i've seen people in all sorts of pain but at among the top of the list very rarely have i seen anything break anybody like heartbreak i'm telling you what i know i'm telling you i i'm telling you i've i've known men who have uh gone through all sorts of physical adversity and you name it and didn't shed a tear and i've seen a woman betrayed their trust and they bring them to their knees i've seen i've seen women throw their whole lives on the line and serving and building and be loyal and committed and faithful and to be mistreated and abused and abandoned i've seen very little break people like that it breaks them it scars them and although some of that is unavoidable what is important for us is to make a decision that we will not contribute to that happening to us any longer nor will we contribute to that happening to god's people any longer that he chooses to bring me in relationship with we need another recipe for relationships because let's be honest this culture's recipe ain't giving what you want can we be honest now i say it's not given what you want here's what solomon says solomon says keep your heart with all villages for out of it flows for for from it flows the springs of life we we've got to be intentional about creating a framework for making decisions regarding who we choose to give our heart to am i making sense guys we've got to be intentional and then because we know the way the heart affects everybody else's life we need to be intentional so that we are not playing with or intentionally damaging somebody else's a christian does not play well a follow a person who's living like jesus does not play with another person's heart for the purpose of their entertainment [Applause] i just can i who who gonna give me a man i don't know i'm preaching to the camera i'm trying to figure out what side to appreciate so i feel like there are two questions we need to answer guys we need we need to answer who who do we pick or how do we pick and then how does the bible call for us to treat them once we pick them now i'm going to say this the average believer does not have a practical framework for choosing they choose based on their intuition they choose based on their previous experiences but there there's no there's no framework now here's here's the danger of just choosing based on intuition we end up at times making emotional decisions and i'm not saying our emotions shouldn't be involved but what i'm saying here i feel like if many of us are honest either us or some people we know need to make less emotional decisions and more informed ones meaning they need to be more judicious before they invest emotionally it means that they haven't taken the time to to get to know a person to the degree that you see your heart's worth the risk it's always a risk but at least do research before you risk right at least say hey i need to stay emotionally neutral because i'm too old and too busy to keep going through breakups i got people to raise i got bills to pay i got a purpose to accomplish i got parents to take care of i got a calling on my life to fulfill i'm too old to be in the bed and can't focus where's my church today am i talking to anybody that's honest enough where you like i'm in a season in my life well i'm too busy to be crying over somebody who is not for me in this season of my life i need to know is you is or is you ain't my baby [Applause] and this has been an area where the devil's had a stronghold on some of you because as soon as you get focused he sends a distraction you think it's a blessing as soon as you head it in the right direction you get a what you doing text and you like i heard from you in three years and the first thing you're going to text me is what you doing it is nothing but a distraction to detour you from your destiny but today we're declaring i will be distracted no longer [Music] i've been talking about this a lot i'm gonna have to do a teaching on this i think we really need to re-evaluate our theology of spiritual warfare because we are so so obsessed with observing and looking for manifestations like exorcisms and strongholds and habits that we are missing like what solomon says catch now the foxes the little foxes that spoil the mind sometimes the warfare and then the big things sometimes the warfare is in these little things that you don't even see that that text is warfare it don't mean the person is the devil but god ain't telling to text you [Applause] [Music] you think god told him to text you jesus what he that just proved that we can see it with jesus when he's attempted to carry out his calling peter who means well attempts to talk jesus out of it and jesus says get thee behind me satan he saw that even in someone who was well-meaning and well-intended they were not at that moment under the influence of the spirit of god they were under the influence of satan there's warfare so so we need a framework we need a biblical framework and here's the thing now the bible does not say a lot specifically about dayton because there wasn't any culturally most of the relationships were arranged so what do we have to do we have to take a comprehensive look at the scripture and see what do what do we see comprehensive comprehensively in scripture that we can apply to our cultural context where dating is normal and necessary dating data dating data you use the dating to gather the data not the dating p see sometimes we skip steps is we invest emotionally and then we find out data on the back end so we need a framework so can i can i give can can i can i share with you what i've seen in scripture y'all sure okay all right what a way to end this series all right here it is here here's the framework guys we're just getting started here's the framework here here's the first one now just because everybody meets this criteria doesn't mean they're for you but it means that if you're if they don't meet this criteria they're not safe for you to emotionally invest so here's the first one equally yoked so i noticed the part of the bible you know christianist is like let me leave that part out now let me be very clear when paul talks about being unequally yoked he's not talking about romantic relationships but if it applies to platonic and casual relationships certainly it applies to romantic ones because romantic was a way more consequential right okay now here is where i think remember that the enemy in the enemy's the prince of darkness so one of his weapons of warfare is ignorance and ignorance is a result of lack of information or access to the wrong information and i think when it comes to unequally yoked where the enemy has a stronghold in many relationships it's because of a lack of i mean because of wrong information because let me tell you what equally yoke does not mean it doesn't mean just because y'all go to the same church you're equally yolk yeah let me tell you it don't mean just because they're a christian they're gonna treat you better [Music] see y'all don't wanna i feel it over here so this is cause some of you are honest enough to know and to admit i i dated people in the church pastor and outside the church and sometimes the one in the church treated me worse than they were more grimy than the people outside the church [Applause] because church attender does not mean christ-like character [Applause] so them being a person of faith is important yes but it is only consequential when they are a person that is living their life under the influence of the presence or the principles of god if not they are your church mate not your soul mate yep we can go to god's house together but you can't come to mind i know you sing in the choir but you still can't come and i know you're ushered but you still can't come and i know you volunteer in the other area but i know you preach but you still can't come cause i'm not judging you based on your title i'm looking at your character yeah how can two walk together except for the they agree there's got to be value agreement we can share the same faith we can both be christian and not share the same values there are christians who don't value god they're christians who don't value worship they're christians who don't value generosity and so there are christians who don't value progress there are christians that are lazy don't want to work don't want nothing never wanting nothing get mad at you because you want something and you can get with somebody that's christian but if your values are not aligned you can't walk together so equally yoke does not always mean does not mean same place of maturity spiritually that doesn't always that doesn't always mean that but it does mean are y'all following me here that the person being a person of faith is where you start but that's not where you finish that that there because there are some people listen to me that are there are some people that are newer in their faith that are better in relationships than people who are tenured in their faith because they just got better character [Music] y'all all right come on now y'all know this is true all of us know people that they was in church their whole life and me and see we laugh about that at church because you ain't got to live with them listen guys my wife and i we were like we've been having conversations around this because our heart and our calling and all this is change and so i'm i'm always and so i'll share some things with you and when i when i share things with you guys i'm sharing things with you because i'm trying to i know in order for us to change we need more of the information we need examples and um you jesus is your ultimate example but paul told church of corinth follow me as i follow christ meaning that sometimes you need an example of somebody's trying to follow jesus right and so when i share things it's not to you it's not because i don't have anybody to talk to about these things is i'm trying to model so i'm trying to pull back the curtain for you and model growth for you so so that you can see what what growth requires and sometimes growth requires not not a toxic but a healthy deconstruction of your theology it means you gotta go back and revisit say now am i understanding this right and i literally was doing some deconstruction in my mind i was talking to my wife about it i said i'm trying to understand if i'm understanding change right because it seemed to me a lot of people actually don't want it i'm just i'm just me i'm just see i'm just don't judge me now i'm just saying hey i've been doing this 17 years and it seems to me that unless there's crisis let me go back to the camera oh she said bring it over here okay all right all right i like the energy i like it seems to me unless there's crisis there's not a great appetite for change watch this even for people that are in relationships with each other it's like your refusal to change might be breaking they hurt and you don't care now when i say change i don't i don't mean become someone that you're not because if you got to become someone that you're not to be with someone that someone's not for you but when i say change i mean become a better version of yourself become the version of yourself that god intended for you to be i was like i said i think i think i'm misunderstanding i was like babe i might be misunderstanding my my theology is really my theology of sanctification i was like because i don't i don't see a lot of difference can y'all handle this level of transparency i'm like listen i've been doing this 17 years and i'm in the entrepreneurial space with my assignment to the marketplace and i got a foot in the church world so i see both worlds and i'm like it's kind of the same thing we just put spiritual language to it over here they say i want to be the best i want to make more more money than you on this side on this eye we say god's calling me to something bigger and greater competitiveness over here competitiveness over here jealousy over here jealousy over there the data says we're not that much more generous see that's data men lie women lie numbers don't lie we're not that much so the same pareto principle the same twenty percent twenty percent if it's a secular non-profit you might have twenty percent that's carrying eighty percent of the load same thing happens in churches even the ones where people run and dance because spirit filled is not spirit-led and that's what the holy ghost showed me i said i don't i don't it's like i really don't i mean honestly it's like i don't really see that i don't see that not saying there isn't a difference but like when i read the bible i don't see that big difference which would explain culture's lack of interest in our faith because they don't see the need for y'all following me here so i'm like man do i need to re-examine my theology the holy spirit said to me dearest salvation's free sanctification costs watch this he said when i talk about a man taking up his cross and following me i'm not talking about conversion i'm talking i'm talking about post-conversion he said yeah yeah salvation free sanctification costs there are things you must be willing to lay down and say darris you don't become sanctified which is more christ-like that's all it means it don't mean we're white it don't mean you don't watch movies let me go i'm sanctified i don't watch movies no you're bored that doesn't mean you're sanctified [Applause] it's like you formed a whole theology of spiritual growth based around what you don't do as opposed to a as opposed to a theology of sanctification that says in pursuit of jesus there are things i leave behind i'm not running from anything i'm running to jesus and as i seek him there are things that i run out of there are things that will on me that come off me there were places i used to be in i don't stay in anymore i'm not just trying to get out of those places that's moralism i'm trying to become like jesus that's christianity so spirit said to me there's no it costs i'm like so what does it mean he says i said those that are led by the spirit of god will be sons of god just because a person is spirit filled doesn't mean they're spirit led i say they that walk in the spirit walk in the spirit what does that mean it's make decisions meaning allow the spirit of god to influence their decisions those are the people that actually experience change i say okay got it so if you're a person that values change and you with somebody that that doesn't that's not an equal yoke all you are doing is setting yourself up a relationship of inequity where they get the benefit of the person you become but you get stuck with the bill for the person they won't become but i want somebody in this season who has learned your value to say the devil is a liar nope uh i've learned there was a season where i didn't know my value and i would tolerate that but now i realize i'm chosen not forsaken i am who he says i am so i grow and then you get the benefit of all my growth [Applause] you get the but i'm stuck with the bill for your lack of that yolk not equal am i making sense i got four minutes and i think i'm just gonna be able to get to the singles today mary we have to circle back here it is here's the second one are y'all ready for this one authentically attracted now see some of y'all need to stop you need to stop acting like you don't like what you like i said it and i'm not taking it back [Applause] i said authentically attracted you can't force this some of you trying to force this girl that's a good man but if you don't like him let me go to this side i know he's a good man i want to like him but i don't [Applause] i can't nobody kissing on me and i'm cringing got to speak in tongues [Applause] i need christians to stop this you don't even like that now i'm not saying all of our wants are godly but i am saying part of your preferences part of your preferences are part of your personality it is actually what separates you from other people it is what makes you you so you and your friend can look at the same person and they like i gotta have it and you like you can have it [Applause] because that's part of who you are is what you're attracted to and that's why some of you need to reject the cultural notion that you got to be a certain thing to be attractive i've been doing this 17 years people like all sorts of people it's some young men that like them all y'all not talking to me yeah it's people that like i'm skinny and there's people that like them with some meat on their bones [Applause] you're not trying to be attractive for everybody you're trying to be attractive for your somebody [Applause] [Music] and some of y'all trying to date people that should be prayer partners [Applause] that's your assignment that's not your soul mate [Applause] you like him six three he five three [Applause] i can understand you like them six three you go to five ten you're trying to like five three you don't like that see i'm not see well you got to be honest we're not talking about like just crazy standards or these picky preferences i'm saying you have to be honest regarding what you're authentically attracted to i married what i like did you hear what i just said i like it [Applause] here's the third one authentically attracted but if all you have is attraction and you don't have this next one it's not safe and that is emotionally connected is not just can i look at you and say physically i like that it's also can into me you see i know you like the outside but can you see past the outside and can we connect on an emotional level because that bond is the only thing that actually will sustain you long term let me tell you why attraction is not enough to keep marriage vows only those that are emotionally connected can do better or worse what if worse means they lose some of their fineness i know we all we're trying to we're trying to do the best you know we're going we're trying to do the best to keep ourselves together but we're going to get a little older y'all keeping it real over here on this side i said we're gonna get a little older and it's not gonna be like it used to be but will you want to sit in a rocking chair and still hold my hand emotionally connected a friend a friend only friends can keep vows only friends are really there for better or worse only friends are really there for richer or poor only friends are really there in sickness or in health are you friends y'all know y'all got the kids in children's church you know it's you can be attracted enough to somebody to be intimate with them but not be emotionally connected enough to be to want to be around them and that's all i'ma say now here's the last one we don't take this one people don't take this one serious i'm gonna have to stop here brother that's it we just i'm just gonna have to stop you know here it is here it is here's the last one economically aligned see i'ma tell y'all something it should not all be about money so that's not what i'm saying because we also the spirit of this age is also a spirit where we uh we're not we're we're we're actually uh slow to listen quick to speak instead of slow to speak quick to hear it's the reverse people be coming all on your post and i'm like did you read you didn't even read it's like or if you read and you came away with it i don't know if i want to engage in a conversation with you so i'm not saying money is important i'm not saying you have to bring the same thing monetarily to the table when i say economically aligned i'm talking about values are our values economically aligned because money is not the most important thing money is not even the highest level of value highest level values time right if i say i'm gonna give you a million dollars but you gotta die tomorrow who want it right for example give me a million dollars a day but your kid got to pass away tomorrow who won it so relationships are more important in the time if i say i give you a million dollars a day but you got to be sick for the rest of your life who want it nobody because health is more important so money is not the highest form of value right so i get that but it affects a lot of other stuff that's important and it is and here here's data men live women a lot of numbers don't lie it is one of the reasons that causes a wedge in so many relationships does that make sense i say does that make sense i i think it's important for you to feel safe enough with someone before you begin to divulge certain information that you just don't want to give to people but i do think also so you determine how transparent you are but you should always be authentic that make sense yep so if money more important to you to family say that that way the person can make a decision whether or not they want to sign up for that does that make sense give them the option to choose but is there is there is there economic alignment what are our values around money not do it not necessarily that we have the same strengths not necessarily do we bring the same thing to the table but what are our values around this because if not it's going to be a huge sort of con source of contention it doesn't matter how fine they are if the lights off you can't see them [Music] y'all i got to finish this i can't just leave you like this i don't know if y'all can take anymore y'all all right so i'm not saying everybody has to bring the same thing to the table am i i'm just saying if there's not alignment with your values around money it can be problematic and create a wedge in the relationship so those are some of the conversations you kind of need to have it's like you know if i'm gonna come home and the mortgage or rent do and you pull up in a new with a new boat i just i can't even know how you roll we uh pastor mick and i had created this um this pie we used to do a lot of relationship stuff and so we had created this pie to kind of help married couples see that the romantic part of your marriage is actually the smallest piece of the pie i know some of y'all y'all single you think i get married every night 365 days 366 on leap year ah i know some young men in their 20s talking like talking like that now listen to me you are more than lovers you roommates you got to live with this person come on now you sharing bedrooms and bathrooms with that person right you business partners you buying property together you buying homes together you're making investments together if you have kids you co-parents see all of these slices it's important and resources can affect all of them so you want to make sure you're economically aligned all right i gotta wrap up brother play softly and then here it is let's say they meet the framework and we feel safe now after we get them how do we treat them because the bible also informs that now i don't want anybody to live under the pressure of perfection nobody's going to be perfect you're human so that means your emotions are not perfect you're human did y'all catch that so you're going to be impatient sometimes you're human you're going to say things in a spirit that you don't want to say them you so i don't want you to have the to have this pressure for perfection because your partner shouldn't even expect that because they not they're not perfect does that make sense so i want you to feel that pressure but i do want us to feel a responsibility that we have as citizens in the kingdom to manage people properly because i don't care how you feel about them that is god's daughter and that is still god's son how are you handling them [Music] now i'm gonna tell you something some of you about to say what i'm about to say is cultural [Music] i don't think it's cultural at all some of you about you're gonna think it's traditional and you have your right to your opinion and there's probably a lot i say you don't agree with that's fine but this is what i know if i'm interpreting the bible right and i've been studying this since i was 15. yep studying this since i was 15. when i would go to away games or home games i had i took one from how you take a bob from the hotel i did when i was a kid forgive me jesus stole the bible that's so weird darris why are you testifying to that in front of all these people but i remember this red gideon's bible burgundy gideon's bible i kept in my backpack and before while i was getting taped in the locker room at games i would open up my bible i read my bible i've been studying this book most of my life and i see this responsibility i see there are three institutions that god kind of ordains and outlines in scripture and he talks about how leadership should be managed in those institutions there's there's the family there's a church there's a government and he doesn't prescribe a leadership model for the government but he he says there should be leadership for the church there should be leadership there are a number of different leadership models but there should be leadership and in the home there should be leadership so i want y'all to breathe deep because i'm just telling you the way i understand the bible here both genders have responsibility but there seems to be a greater weight of responsibility that god puts on you brother that leadership weight and when most of us as men think leadership we think authority when in the home it should be example example because when you are the example you won't have to commit you what's this you do not have to come convince someone who's secure and safe to submit [Music] [Applause] sometimes the hesitation for submission is an indication that there's some insecurity in your leadership and some of them don't even know how to articulate that for some of them i just gave language to what some people are feeling right now saying i love him with all of my heart i just don't know if he makes the best decisions for our family are y'all hearing me so this is why i believe listen to me now i'm talk i'm just like kingdom talk here guys listen to me brothers i love you i spent 12 weeks training some of you you're going to get pinned september the 18th you earned it i'm proud of you and i want you to listen to me guys i think chivalry is christian i don't think that's some people that's culture that's tradition i think chivalry is christian because when paul gives a metaphor in ephesians 5 regarding husbands and wives he says not literally but metaphorically husband man you christ metaphorically she the church [Music] and christ took care come on he took care of the church he loved the church he gave himself for the church you're not a simp if you're chivalrous you christian [Music] it means you understand that's god's daughter and she needs to be treated as such i don't want a brother wearing a made man pen that's not chivalrous [Music] because you're not made not into the image of jesus [Music] are y'all okay y'all still love me all right here it is so how do we treat them number one service if we serve one another in a relationship everybody needs get met does that make sense submission is the second one and i need more time to unpack this the way i want to unpack this but in every institution somebody's got to land a plane even i mean even even in an airplane it's two two pilots in the cockpit but somebody got to land it now and so i believe god's given that responsibility and that's what it is it's a responsibility it's a burden he's giving that to you brother to say hey i want you to make sure that this family is going in the direction that i called it to go because it can't go there without leadership [Music] now watch this so wherever there is leadership if a person's leading well there's also what's called mutual submission because a leader recognizes who's gifted where and then submits themself to a person in the area of their gifting because god's giving you that gifting for us so when it comes to these matters i'ma lean on you because that's what god's gifted you so if you good with money and i can't add i'm gonna submit the budget to you [Music] does that make sense yep my wife paid our bills now i know how to make it that's about it [Music] y'all catch that [Music] so a lot of these who should cook who who gifted there's no wife shall cooketh scripture who the better cook who can cook who got time to cook [Music] does that make sense guys whereas a good leader there's a recognition of people who have gifts in areas that you don't and in that area you give them freedom to utilize those gifts are you all ready for the last one it's sacrificial love dr darris what does this mean i don't mean sacrificing your s your soul i don't mean sacrificing your sanity that's self-destruction that's not sacrifice but i mean a love that is willing to abandon preferences because you got a greater purpose [Music] a sacrifice guys that's the recipe for the kind of relationships that we can actually have and i want to speak to some people y'all y'all all right okay the the barbecue is the day of tomorrow we are well today and tomorrow it's i love it it's the party for me but today i felt like the holy spirit put in my heart that he wants to do some heart healing because some of you have been handled unjustly see that's a fact it don't mean we're not judging the people we're just saying you weren't handled in a godly way and you survived because you had no choice but just because you survived doesn't mean you aren't scarred [Music] some of you are you can't go through that kind of breakup you can't go through that kind of divorce you can't be you can't be deceived the way that you were deceived and not be impacted [Music] you can't and i know you don't call it this but what some of you went through was literally traumatic it took your appetite some of you have stripped you of your esteem you can't even see you the way god sees you [Music] but god's gonna heal some of that scar tissue so i want to fix some of that y'all sure you okay can we have a real moment in church because there's some of you right now that i need to pray for [Music] listen to me and to do so you're gonna have to touch the broken thing one more time years ago when i was a teenager i was playing basketball with my father and i i hit his finger and it broke and he old school he never went to the doctor so the it grew back but it grew back michelle he couldn't extend it so to this day his fingers like this so he went to the doctor and doctor said i can fix it but to fix it i gotta break it says he says if you'll let me touch it one more time if you're hurt one more time [Music] watch this now remember the finger wasn't hurting it wasn't it wasn't hurting i'm not saying you're hurting but does your heart look like my dad finger what does it mean he doesn't have full use of the finger [Music] and some of you don't have full use of your heart and the enemy wants to use relationships to give you heart attacks not just so that you're trepidatious about relationships but so that you don't bring your whole heart to nothing [Music] and purpose requires your heart in it [Music] my heart is in this not just my brain in these messages my heart is in it [Music] because purpose requires the heart and you've been used to this so long you're functioning with it and god's like i'm the great physician i can fix it i just need you to let me touch it one more time say after i touch it this time after i touch it this time i won't have to touch it again and so in this moment keep playing brother right now i just want you to feel i'm giving you permission to let it out because some of you were wounded so greatly your pride didn't let you grieve properly [Music] you said i'm not going to give them the pleasure of letting them know how it hurt me [Music] you didn't grieve properly so you've never been able to get to a place where you reap enjoy because you never let yourself sow in tears and some of you right now you're in an amazing relationship but your heart's still like this and let me ask you something if god sent you who he sent you now don't they deserve your whole heart i feel the holy ghost on that one i feel your got my presence i said don't the person that you with now who has an answer to your prayer [Music] y'all in love with each other right now and they have no clue you holding back i want you to feel and in the privacy of your heart i want you to talk to the father it hurt i'm mad they wronged me they lied they used me they deceived me they played me they exploited me they fooled me it hurt they took my esteem i felt like nothing felt dirty i felt abandoned [Music] feel spoiled and ruined [Music] that nobody will want me [Music] come on give it to the father [Music] jesus [Music] jesus [Music] jesus yes i'm going to say something to you that i know you probably wish you would have got from them but you aren't going to get that is i'm sorry i know you want it from them [Music] but you got to be willing to move on without it [Music] you can't have your future held up by their acknowledgement of what they did to you you got to move on without it [Music] so father i pray now as we have laid our hearts before you [Music] broken because of relational trauma i pray now that the heart healer that you are will begin to move into every heart that needs it father i pray for for quick miracles i pray that even today as they as they move out throughout the course of the day they feel the burdens been released that the bitterness is being released that the resentment is being released that self-esteem is being restored and right-sized in jesus name you have set us free and we receive it for your glory amen clap your hands family [Music] hey i want to thank you for watching and i want to encourage you to subscribe to this channel so that you don't miss any of our streams in any of our videos all right if this message bless you do me a favor share it with somebody else i'll see you next time

Channel: Dharius Daniels TV

Views: 234,773

Keywords: td jakes, Steven furtick, mike todd, Judah smith, Joel osteen, sarah jakes roberts, jackie hill perry

Id: sxEfVEyT8yM

Length: 69min 8sec (4148 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 04 2022