A BIG FAT JASON NASH COMPILATION

before the vlog continues like it normally would i want to explain something that's about to happen yesterday scott todd jason and i went to the store to try on some new clothes for coachella scott ended up finding something he liked so he went to the dressing room to try it on shortly after jason thought it'd be funny to take his camera and stick it underneath the dressing room door to spy on scott all right that's all you need to know enjoy the rest of the video do you need help you want me to come in there you slide under jason he's fine let him let him try on his clothes get out of here david trying to help do you want to like oh you're not going to let us that's not [Laughter] because he thought scott was trying not close the guy walks around it's not that will never happen again that was one in a million of what i just recorded no that happens to me all the time could you imagine what the guy was thinking the actual guy was probably losing his mind he's like who is this the other funny part was scott was responding to everything jason was saying because he was in the one right next door guys i'm here with my sisters we're in chicago right now i see jeff found both of you guys on instagram last night how do you guys feel about that i was really happy why do you guys like jack because he's really pretty cute i followed you guys a long time ago never heard [ __ ] about it what's up guys tonight i'm going to take jason and brandon out to hollywood boulevard to mess with the mascots but what they don't know is i have my buddies elton sam and colby dressed up as the mascots ready to start a fight with them when they arrive jace is going to walk up to olaf we're going to take a picture with him and when he asks you for a tip pretend you don't speak english oh brandon is literally hiding behind the bartender okay so how do we work this out gentlemen hey i'm jason let's work this out come on what's your name how much money do you want come on i feel like i'm on acid right now 1000 right now a thou i don't have a thousand right now i don't have a thousand right now i don't you [ __ ] touch me dude don't [ __ ] watch me this guy's gonna [ __ ] kick your ass right now i got a [ __ ] army coming dude [ __ ] touch me bro don't you [ __ ] come near me [ __ ] [ __ ] get the [ __ ] out of here jason what it's a prank it is you're so sorry i'm so sorry what's it say okay your friend's freaking out oh there's no way i was like this is too perfect for you brandon went upstairs because he was having a panic attack [ __ ] olaf because you're a [ __ ] sure so i'm going on a date in 10 minutes and it's gonna be a great story to tell her but i'm gonna fabricate it i'm gonna be like yeah oh wow elmo and a minion were all ganging up on me and i was like not today [ __ ] beat the [ __ ] out of him and she watches the video the next day it looks like you ran like a [ __ ] [ __ ] my favorite is when it was just us three randy comes up to me he's like david tell me if this is a prank please please tell me jason grabs brandon goes brandon you idiot this is real life i feel so bad for you that i did that to you i'm gonna shave your armpits for free in three two one go oh that one really [ __ ] hurt oh my god alex if you can touch that rock i'll give you a thousand dollars it does look pretty thick right here it does look pretty thick my wallet looks pretty thin right here we might not even have gas to get back to school let's [ __ ] do it oh my god oh my god oh my god holy [ __ ] alex that was impressive you just want a thousand dollars alex you're gonna pay him a thousand bucks for that yeah oh my god oh holy [ __ ] this is like when pangaea broke off hey jace yeah heard there's a chance we may miss our flight i heard that and i also heard that i was going to punch you in the [ __ ] thing olivia prepare to be moved in ready my little girl is growing up remember she was like this are you going to miss her [Laughter] you owe us for this by the way this isn't free let's get you all moved in i hope i don't get emotional all right let's get to the room dad might have to go on number two drop a few friends off at the lake olivia stop dog jesus christ fifty six thousand dollars a year and the elevator's broken are you kidding me i just don't understand why you couldn't go to online college come on come on come on i told myself i wasn't going to cry it's just so sad to see you go jason she's not your real daughter oh yeah right side step into the room okay hang on guys i'm stuck got you a little something for the semester that that is weird today's vlog i don't know dog let's get your nose pierced absolutely [ __ ] nice let's get your nose here no jason david do you want to help the vlog or not i don't know dog jason deal or no deal no i have to [ __ ] do it what do you think jason should do for the vlog lip injections lip protects [ __ ] you alex you get lip injections you'll get lip injections you [ __ ] do something for the vlogs you get lip injections you get lip injectors lip injections plastic surgery [ __ ] you david flip injections and then you're gonna get breast implants for the next vlog oh my god is that what thick boobs feel like yeah this is what jason's kids feel like now aaron oh oh my god that's ridiculous do people have a cry during these this man just right is that what your lips look like after a night out that was fun you can actually feel it yeah it's like you know when you do a lot of cocaine and you get that first no i don't you're right deep breath oh david i [ __ ] hate you so much this is how you go out what do you have to say to your kids things just didn't go right guys oh my god do you feel anything yeah it feels good your faces are freaking me the [ __ ] there we go that's what we want to see jason now you're looking like a beautiful princess todd can you go in the scots room with a surprise jason come on come in here are you covering your mouth jason show everybody like a cold sore thing holy [ __ ] you look like a fish you remind me of a girl now oh my god it's like because of your girl it's really good it looks really good smile smile do you like them that's the most important part i looked at him guys it looks [ __ ] dumb you didn't bring corinna with you no dude because she would have forced me to get her lip job she would be like maybe i should do it because that'd be funny right no i told him i'm like if i get your kids lip jobs i'll pay for their tuition and jason started considering it man vaping man vaping let it rip vape [Music] she watches netflix late at night thinking about him wondering where he is she she's a lesbian my bad happened that's cool too we all know it's cool you are an idiot i'm an idiot he turned me into big names this is a hundred percent sure you're not hundred percent true why would i lie about this i don't know when you got me between the two people speak louder what the [ __ ] you want from me why didn't you vlog your doctor's visit because i was in [ __ ] pain i don't believe it when you molested jason what was going through your eyes yeah it was like prison rape i felt like someone was going to prison rape me i would be laughing that's what your [ __ ] head is free insurance three meals a day and you get a nice bed to sleep on sounds like a deal to me no it's not well you get free insurance in prison yeah yeah today i [ __ ] up my leg i didn't have any rubbing alcohol guess what they got in jail rubbing alcohol i want you to know jason's about to come over and show us his fake cast but i know he's full of [ __ ] [ __ ] you jason you old [ __ ] [ __ ] you i bought you i had you i want to show you something but i don't want to scare you there it is what the [ __ ] did you do david needs some more views you did that for views yeah are you [ __ ] kidding me it works i did for a good cause jason was the last time you did something good put up a youtube video on friday how many views you got 58 better than last week what did you get last week 43 do you want views do i want yeah yeah i want views will you do anything for views no i have a [ __ ] david i have a ton of pride i'm not gonna [ __ ] do that i've trained with the london academy you've obviously seen my work on drake and josh i'm a trained actor i went to juilliard i'm not [ __ ] shaving my head oh god i can't believe i'm shaving my [ __ ] head literally every vlog you hit a new level of rock bottom you look like anne hathaway when she got here you guys are nice like you help me like with like different tricks to the internet yeah where would you be without us you'd probably still have a full head of hair that would be so stupid this is great for a bird's nest like a bird would love this there we go it's bad you really think it looks good no jason you look like [ __ ] we [ __ ] lie dude you went all the way there you [ __ ] shaved your head so i would shave my head because you're the one who looks [ __ ] stupid alex i don't give a [ __ ] about your vlog i don't give a [ __ ] about your [ __ ] camera i [ __ ] hate this piece of [ __ ] i know you're in on it too and i thought we were [ __ ] bros alex also shaved his head too see look it's all five it's fine because i didn't shave my head what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] alex alex what the [ __ ] i'm gonna [ __ ] kill your bunnies jesus that's what i think of your [ __ ] grandmother's chair alex you and i are so through talking to mike you and i are so through yo jason's not in a good mood today [ __ ] hate when people say that that's why i keep saying it's my biggest pet thief you're grumpy no maybe you're not that much fun to [ __ ] be around i know this is like a beating down joe but like isn't it weird how jason is my dad's age what do you want me to do a [ __ ] door i don't hang out anymore fine i'll get my things on i don't think i need to hold a teddy bear three two [Applause] one more we're out of here one more what do you mean are you sure you don't want to hold the bear i mean i'll take the bear now maybe here we go come on what the [ __ ] jason what the [ __ ] is wrong with you goddammit [ __ ] [ __ ] this [ __ ] bad you get off on this hey do you want a lollipop yeah i'll take the lollipop you 100 be honest with me right now is there a baby in there i'm looking for a suspect guy and a black t-shirt uh black sneakers suspect's coming we gotta blend in let's go jason come on god damn it god damn it start the car man start the car go dude this ain't no joke bro what happened oh man i was in line at starbucks and i totally cut this old lady man when god finally opened up to me i asked him what is the most important part of life and you know what he said he said it was the double double down at burger king i'm going to pick up jason's kids from school i've never done this before so this is going to be an experience how long does it take to pick up your kids usually takes about an hour and a half i have to go through a sobriety test every time listen how are you going to pick up the kids if you can't even recognize them i'll ask the teacher have you ever picked up the wrong kids yeah once once i did i did pick up your own these white kids they all look alike hey what's up juliana oh i listen you know you're not allowed near the school yeah i know i'm wondering actually can you just go in and grab them real quick and i'll wait right here okay okay let's get out of here you know what giuliana your cookies at the bake sale tasted like [ __ ] this year no i would never make fun of your mom you just did before your camera was turned on i said it's my mom's last night in town but david goes oh because she's dying no you're an enigma date what's an enigma getting grasped it's [ __ ] crazy i'm an enigma so thank you your mom's gonna die soon what's in your belly button this is oh you know i have some length in here daddy get your camera you're using the belly button challenge why do you actually have that much living room how did that get in there though the other night when i was sucking someone off playing with their [ __ ] or putting their balls in my mouth anything can happen when you are living the rock style lifestyle like me and living in a canyon house with a rent is five dollars a month and meth is being cooked you have to not worry about a little bit of fabric in your belly button if it is like a little friend to me this is carmelli and this is a bed i had such a good day with you baby good night good night guys carmelita are you pregnant see davey you're pregnant boy or a girl oh it's a boy and three can you do me a favor and not shave while we're talking i have a word tonight david i want to hold up the mirror hold on and see that's a boxing night well oh yeah we just got invited to a random person's birthday party none of us know who this girl is gonna walk in and give a speech [Applause] i'd like to give a speech everyone i'd like to give a speech please i want to say something get down everybody i'd like to say something to matty which one are you these last six months together have been truly amazing i appreciate all the money you've loaned me i'm sorry your dad caught me jacking off in the solarium i would like you to [ __ ] marry me right now man i'm going to dare my mother-in-law's uh for her birthday at the old folks hall and i was sitting next to this 91 year old woman named shirley the whole time and you were playing with her under the table i was playing with her vagina i regretted making that joke way through the meal she just looks at me and she just goes you need to lose some weight i've never met this woman then the cape came surely goes i wouldn't do anything and i was like kind of joking around a little bit i don't sit around all day doing nothing here at this old folks home and she goes well she goes well it looks like you've got plenty of time to stuff your face why on earth did you get this entire limo well i wanted to get you guys something nice for putting me in the vlog oh my god thank you for being in my life your wonderful boys jason how much money you have left this is the last of it enjoy this night where are we even going well we're just going around the block my limbo is very big but my penis is so small i got this level because i have no personality we drive by big nick you throw your entire glass at him that's my impression of todd when he's drunk jason jason come here come here come here jason [Laughter] i'm excited what's up daddy hey listen bud i gotta tell you something what's up this is never easy to say but all the kids in the neighborhood they [ __ ] hate you what the [ __ ] yeah really why why why do they hate them i don't know it's just personality is annoying or something this is your son yeah it's my son ricky i don't know if you know but i was a four-time super bowl winning quarterback for that my dad's a [ __ ] alcoholic right can you show us where you sleep you don't want people to see no why you got a girl's room too lit loser i think he has like a spiderman respite he doesn't want people it was spiderman bed what are you seven why it's like you let your like high school bully into your house there's a lot of cool stuff nerd spider-man spider-man get in your nerve you can't come to his house oh my god brandon look at this all right guys i gotta go let's see anything no i'm going to charlie's room no oh my god this is a true parenting moment this is she's not old enough for this yet trying to open the door daddy sorry i'm sorry he yelled at your friends i'm gonna edit it to make this look like your room wow nice room wyatt what you don't have a bathroom in your room now we know who their favorite child is huh hey charlie i heard that the boogeyman's under your bed and he's going to stalk you at night every single night what are you doing to me the good news is your dad told the guy in your closet to move out so i don't think you should be a problem we were just on hollywood boulevard and jason showed someone his nipple piercing and the guy started chasing him trying to touch a city i caught it late but this is the footage she don't need to know my government so he's taking like a supplement let me spit it now what's going on what happened you don't want me to touch this nipple oh don't that just made fun you just got it did you see that yeah he came at me twice what the [ __ ] i don't know he's trying to touch your nipple he touched it twice he grabbed it twice he [ __ ] hurt he does like videos online where i think he does like crazy stuff like that oh that's his thing yeah oh well he's real good at his job that's crazy i'm just asking i'm just asking do you have adult diapers what adult diapers adult diapers uh nikki do you uh do you know we have adult diapers adult diapers yeah this guy needs uh diapers for an adult are you sure yeah i'm sure i need adult dog you don't have to involve her damn have you heard of adult diapers adult diapers yeah this guy says he needs adult diapers are you sure they're not like frittatas how old's the kid no it's not for a kid it's for me a grown man a dog's diapers why are you deaf he keeps saying it over and over again can i talk to you for a second he's finally a sane person i need adult diapers holy cow he really does need adult diapers jim holy [ __ ] he really does need adult diapers he needs diapers to wear as an adult i'm going to teach you some spanish right now it's a great word and it's a montreal you know what that means no it's spanish you have any stds is it even clean to sit next to you is it herpes is it chlamydia it's a crab it's a lobster no that's not even a disease i get a crab in one day you got crabs one day yes and i'm not take care of it so it turned into a lobster you're never going to reach the top it's completely the head currently the heavy vagina and opinion you should always know carmelita come on don't talk so i got you a gift yeah yeah i got you again really check this out it's called next town down guys come in come in come on [Music] [Applause] [Music] it's been hard for you couldn't make it into okay all right david that's enough hey hey shout the guitar i don't know what david paid you listen to me sorry jason didn't mean to break your heart [Music] the best person you've had sex with easily really i don't know when you say that when you're not having sex with a porn star oh okay most women wouldn't like that so we just met this kid named jack he watches the vlogs thankfully and his dad is a criminal defense attorney so we're gonna have jason go up to his house and talk to his dad and tell him that he caught jack smoking weed on his property are you this guy's dad what did he do your son here was outside in front of my house with a couple of his friends smoking marijuana and i didn't want to bust him i didn't want to bring him over here but i appreciate that did he do anything else he also spray painted my front door what wait wait what who are you with these with two boys who are you with likes they tell me their names now don't make them right don't make them right that will fix whatever was damaged to your house man i hope so sir because it's uh it's a big dick on my front door are you kidding me she's got balls on and everything are you kidding me it's a big penis it's got big balls it's got hair on the balls coming out of it tell them tell your dad good good describe the penis that you put on my front door where my young daughter who's in a wheelchair has to look like my god well we have a disabled child in our family well maybe that's why he's acting out i don't know they had all kinds of stuff they had vapes they had signs are you kidding me call me all kinds of names like [ __ ] are you kidding me yeah are you kidding me we'll have a lot to answer for and i'll definitely take care of all your cool damages and everything i give you my cards it's just a joke he's one of the biggest youtubers on youtube and i wanted him to at least be able to talk to him eye to eye yeah i mean but at the same time i wanted to [ __ ] kill him jason's late we were supposed to be on the shuttle at two it's 2 34. even out of this hotel yet where the hell have you been i've been asleep in all honesty where were you what were you doing you sleep you're the oldest one of the group you should be the most put together i don't want to have talks like this with you where do you see yourself in five years working in starbucks ah okay not my childhood you're on the right page [ __ ] the [ __ ] [ __ ] god oh god jason's about to get bit by a snake dude i wouldn't pay a million dollars how do i know you're not drunk people always think i am i'm not kidding dude oh my god oh my god oh my god [ __ ] you i'm done with your channel oh my god that was awful oh my goodness why didn't you get them off sooner to be honest i it was a great piece of video i can i'll meet you at the restaurant hey pass the bomb who are you talking to yes if she heard that joke in the background she would just go to take me just right back out into the gutter i know she heard it and she will be bringing it up are you serious oh yeah it's like not cool at all can i be here um can we have an order of a spinach artichoke tip and maybe a side of bong for jesus did you go to college yeah i went on the new gi bill what's the gi bill you can only use like a few words cat dog what's a kitten a cat david jason give a speech about how we've known these guys and how they've changed our lives when we come here it's nice because you guys are so funny it's like we have a little family here in la and me and david our families are not here yes your family's here jason oh yeah right charlie and brian are amazing wyatt's quiet can you read a caramel what do you guys want to ask carmelita my mom says that i have like really good posture so how would you perfect your posture a little bit lower grab your table okay right and then put another hand in here and then we go your language is beautiful can you teach us some spanish okay it's not beautiful carmelita you don't even speak spanish so go ahead and teach him some spanish oh this is something you can say in spanish we got mad my beaut is [Applause] what's up guys the next little bit of footage you're gonna see was recorded before my last vlog about four or five days ago i blindfolded my friends and spilled cockroaches on them two days later i thought it would be funny to blindfold them again but this time spill watermelon out of all the friends i did it too this reaction was my favorite look at your face right now you are so over there i will flip the [ __ ] out when it gets on me oh dude you gotta calm down your hands out jason no over the top over this top all right guys bring it in bring it in all of it oh [Laughter] this is what it was it was a bunch of watermelon are you six nine oh [ __ ] are you sitting in jail man he's in jail not six nights basically we're looking for uh the suspect he's white meaty and very tasty it goes by the name of jersey mike what kind of guns smith and wesson uh 300 with a double barrel gauge basically take you out one shot yeah i'm an expert at handling the gun you know what i mean i've been around guns all my life oh jesus draw oh jesus jesus dude those are the real heroes right there right there the cops thank god i got a ton of marijuana in my back pocket all right guys all right guys i'm playing all my fantasies once again i'm making my friends dress as women i'm having a sexual identity crisis forcing my friends to be a part of it and we're gonna see if we can get into frat parties dressed as girls dumb i actually would hook up with you you look like 85 of the girls you hook up with hey man i appreciate what you do for my videos as much as the next guy but shaving in my car isn't the nicest thing to do you're very pretty thank you that's really nice i'm seeing someone okay danica danika it's [ __ ] done good luck go get them babe it's really dark but they're right up there oh no someone just said i'll get the [ __ ] out of here what happened you need a student id [ __ ] okay so they said any student id then i walk by and this girl looks me dead in the eye and she goes oh my god is that jason now and i turn around and i go excuse me she goes she goes oh sorry i'm sorry that's right [ __ ] here goes dog oh they're being kicked out again god damn it so what is it what happened i was like yo man we're just trying to keep it cool tonight he's like what'd the other fred say i'm like it just totally changed my voice i was like this is no [Laughter] hi say hi hey my friend wants to [ __ ] you hey what's up guys since it's the holiday season we decided to go to papa john's and buy 30 large pizzas and now we're going to take all the pizzas and watch jonah eat them all oh thanks dude nah i'm kidding we're going to go on hollywood boulevard and give random people some slices of pizza but there's going to be a catch so we're giving out pizza to people but there's one cat you have to compliment my friend jason jason is um i don't know how would you describe jason you got the you know the and then this is kind of hard man yeah [ __ ] guy i really don't know can i just compliment you instead no no you can't that's not why that's not what i do how much time do i have left i'll be honest i'm not even that hungry okay i was in the impression that this is gonna be easy all right well that didn't work unless you're jonah the word like [ __ ] man who is miranda cosgrove who's who miranda crossgrove todd grab the door oh oh hey no no no i'm cultured swine i can't be like committed to that [ __ ] me neither seriously who is miranda cosgrove it's like if betty white dm'd you oh [ __ ] yeah this is big while we're in the dorm room this is the one roommate who doesn't like to have any of her stuff touched that being said oh damn i need to take a nap hi excuse me i'm the sexy ra from down the hall where are the parties to call them there's a mountain right there i don't know much god get off the path what makes you feel worse coming home to 16 people in your dorm or when they all leave when you walk in the room who are you the croy boys for life the kroy boys for life liqueur voice for life or in jason's case for another two years nice try david dammit you don't his baby found molly on the ground are you serious yeah real molly yeah what happened to the baby he had the best [ __ ] day of his life is that true it is true i don't know if he had a great day or not a lot of talent here at vidcon this year i'm signing people up who do you represent i represent all kinds of instagram stars here have you heard of hippo the golden retriever i got a golden retriever two months old 400 000 likes per picture can't move his face he has like a palsy in his face so he's constantly smiling you got a new car no the other one was repossessed this is my friend dan why was it repossessed i didn't pay the bill let's take someone off the street and take him with us tonight like not him he's crazy i already did that with you i don't remember the stage you know david very well how would he really i heard people invite me on podcast to ask me about trisha and dave how tall are you five ten five five ten you hear that guys it's my time david don't [ __ ] [Applause] okay you brought your son an iphone you know i'm not good with money you've got to discipline your kids they've got some stuff on me what if they have on you all kinds of [ __ ] that you're a bad dad everyone has that on you you know how my ex-wife has a new boyfriend so today we get [ __ ] payback i'm about to kick this motherfucker's ass right now you're gonna assault your ex-wife's new boyfriend i don't know if i can do this with you [ __ ] you david and [ __ ] you josh i'm doing this with or without you yo man show your face i'm about to do some ass opening jason come on where are you at [ __ ] oh [ __ ] you're john stamos [Music] my name is jason hi jason i'm david nice to meet you huge fan your [ __ ] hair is even better in person you're in the mood to kick some ass right now why are you still angry what are you so angry about no time to talk john gotta go come on out [ __ ] i ain't leaving until i see your [ __ ] ass whoever's [ __ ] samantha needs to step out here right now and raise their hand jason did you say samantha yeah samantha and she has kids wyatt and charlie those are jason's kids those are you kids give me that come here no no no no no no no no no [ __ ] way uh josh hold my jacket hold your jacket why would he hold the jacket jason it didn't okay all right listen up john stamos i'm gonna steal some of these oranges for later because i don't have any money for food right now but before that happens i'm about to kick uncle jesse's ass where's that voice coming from that's an impression that's an impression hey i'm jason i couldn't keep my wife because my dick is too small i love her you wait right there i'll be back in two seconds to kick your ass here's the plan let's just get out of here right now i know how to [ __ ] him up what's the plan pissing on his car jason this is my car this is my car your 160 000 [ __ ] tesla b that's john stamos bye john what car is this my car you idiot oh [ __ ] well jason what about you how was the time you lost your virginity 1908 go ahead i'm waiting for all my friends right after thomas jefferson signed the declaration of independence we all had a [ __ ] gang bang and [ __ ] john quincy adams came on my chest jason what are you doing jason come on are you kidding me i can just buy you dinner another one you can't keep eating these this isn't good she's gonna notice jason just come on you're embarrassing no do not do not do not do that all right thanks bye jason donuts no jason jason jason a couple hours ago i taught the boys how to become a good vlogger do you have any idea what it takes it's all about quick reflexes [ __ ] i suck at vlogging i feel like an idiot i can't believe i did this chase i had my head down do you want to be the best vlogger i can't catch i'm not stupid okay go see wow nice outfit jason oh marlon's about to bite you [Laughter] no no no no it's me it's me todd my brother was in a car accident i gotta go to the hospital okay no no no no todd you said you were going to chipotle with me i had to go with his brother david my brother was in a car accident okay listen i'll give you a shout out i could i could i could stay behind too two days in a row you're wearing the same stuff yeah i got a whole thing i'm doing you have a grease stain on your shirt yeah so what no one wants to [ __ ] you either what's the thing that you're doing i'm in workout clothes for two days in a row so i'm always thinking about working out jason there's literally ketchup on your pants barbecue it's barbecue sauce sauce before you got here josh was like i haven't been watching a lot of vlogs uh recently i'm like dude then you're gonna be so surprised when you see jason with two missing front teeth and he goes are you serious look as if it's like a believable thing just didn't even freak out he was just like oh no way that's cool i looked at david i'm like dude both teams just i just got out of a place it's like a really really healthy vegan place and a set of four looks exactly like chipotle but it's not because it's all vegetables and i go up to jason and i go hey this place looks a lot like chipotle except for idiots and then one of the employees comes over and jason goes hey my buddy over here thinks you guys are idiots i was like what are you doing why would you say that it's no different than when you told that waitress that i went to buy cocaine because you actually went to go buy cocaine and you called these guys idiots did you fart now this poor woman has to sit here through your fart i'm sorry it smells like fart in here right he's absolutely insane right now look at you pretending like you didn't fire you sound so crazy right now did you fart in there that is so sweaty even better and you look at gabby what do you see do you see a happy person [ __ ] no exactly you know the ex-boyfriend she had last year how many none that's the problem she can't get a boyfriend i mean you wouldn't want to date a 50 year old guy would you [Laughter] so recently she got a nose job she's been complaining about her nose for a while now no you've been complaining about me i tell you something you got a nose job i didn't even know most people is that a good thing or a bad thing that's the last thing that a person with a nose job wants to hear same ugly mug in my book david look i'm tripping on mushrooms wait look look all right what is it what do you mean [Music] hey david i'm tripping on acid what ah well you're gonna help me get it off yes i'll help you once i do that i can't [ __ ] do it okay okay when you [ __ ] vacuum tape someone's together this is so [ __ ] up oh dumb come on that's good pull it off get the [ __ ] out of here oh what did you think was going on jason is this what a heart attack looks like oh my god that's good how did you rip it off i gotta [ __ ] lift man and i just went ah that's right thanks for watching sarah make sure you like and subscribe tweet me at david dobrik guys i'm gonna link josh peck's channel in the description below go check him out oh my god how come you never shout out my channel because you don't do enough for the vlog what do you do for the vlog yeah i guess you're right okay i'm just gonna go all right i'll see you later jason can i take this with me take well with you this picture of you and scotty yeah that's good that's very hot thanks for watching cat make sure you like subscribe tweet me out david dobrik ready for the outro david what's with the helmet jason well i'm prepared for anything physical you may have coming my way what if it's mental mental i can take that no girl every time i do something unfunny i gotta do 25 push-ups you're gonna be buff as [ __ ] all right guys the way la works is anybody in a nice car has probably been on some kind of a tv show we're gonna put that theory to the test jason's gonna ask what they've been on and then we're gonna see what show they say right here mercedes mercedes hey what's up man that's a nice car you look familiar what have you been on your [ __ ] wife come on man oh boy oh you [ __ ] killed that [ __ ] we got a new performer we gotta get his number before the vlog continues like it normally would i want to explain something that's about to happen yesterday scott todd jason and i went to the store to try on some new clothes for coachella scott ended up finding something he liked so he went to the dressing room to try it on shortly after jason thought it'd be funny to take his camera and stick it underneath the dressing room door to spy on scott all right that's all you need to know enjoy the rest of the video do you need help you want me to come in there you can slide under jason he's fine let him let him try on his clothes get out of here trying to help do you want to like oh you're not going to let us oh that's not scary [Laughter] jesus because he thought scott was trying out close guys are you kidding me let's get out of here that will never happen again i was one in a million of what i just recorded no that happens to me all the time could you imagine what the guy was thinking the actual guy was probably losing his mind he's like who is this the other funny part was scott was responding to everything jason was saying because he wasn't the one right next door jason's assistant has her final day today so we're gonna go get her a cake and i get to use his credit card don't spend a lot of money on my card i'm being serious not even for the vlog okay i got to stop what'd you get how much did you spend i got her no some blue label it's 272 dollars i know it bums you out that like i bought her this and we don't even get to drink it yeah so i got us something surprised this is some blue this water is room temperature i can't stand it oh thanks dirty dumb for the ice you're reading some of my comments one of you guys suggested something that was really funny you guys really wanted jason to go door to door and tell our neighbors that he's a sex offender this may be an awful idea but we don't know yet i just moved into this neighborhood and i'm worried that people are going to be like oh yeah saxophone yeah we figured you were sexy maybe jason wanted to do this so he can warm up for the actual time he has to do this hey how's it going hi my name's ken i just moved into the neighborhood yeah i love the neighborhood yeah it's awesome really really great it's cool yeah easy going yeah it's so nice i just want to let you know too that i i am a i am a registered sex offender okay yeah so it's just kind of i'm obligated to go through all these houses and just okay all right and uh and you know why are you renting all right uh i'm i'm actually leasing oh my god i'm sorry i wish i went crazy on yourself i just totally glossed over and he was like oh cool you're sex offender so you're renting or leasing oh my god my favorite part after the hell is over she comes out the wife comes out and she's like oh that's charlie's dad jason knew the parent who's louder during sex oh what does jason sound like um he's like an animal i i told him this the other day he like turns into a different person he's literally like a beast and then like when he comes it's so loud and it's right in my ear and like i lose part of my hearing [Laughter] so eliza and i had this idea that we wanted to hello i came from chicago if you're actually my mom what's my biggest fear your biggest fear is your penis your tiny penis i'm scared of spiders is it still like this no you know i tried to get you in operation for a bigger penis we tried but the doctor said there was nothing they could do it was too small i've come to know that jason doesn't love deodorant not a big shower person don't like the waste of water we're in a drought do you not like taking showers because it reminds you too much of tears guys my two dads in the vlogs what's poppin how's everything i've never wanted to be less a part of a club now you're gonna be a dad are you gonna give up acting and the whole thing yeah now i will what's the toughest part about being a bad probably just like um caring jesus is your kid gonna be spoiled like for a sweet 16 is he gonna get a car a used car oh [ __ ] you guys know brentwood maybe he'll get dad's three-year-old bentley and uncle david bought that are you gonna hire a nanny for your kid yeah of course really yeah just make sure you don't hire a hot nanny yeah wow thanks jason ah [ __ ] who's that that's my name we black out [ __ ] that's the way we do it hey hey hey wake the [ __ ] up cuz we're about to tear this [ __ ] [ __ ] ass town huh i'll bring your best man from each frat and i will [ __ ] destroy him my friend wants to fight you yeah i changed my mind so i think we're here you said it starts at 11 though right yeah you guys want to come through it depends how much push you got on hand coming in unless it's [ __ ] eight to one ratio take a shot we're at a fraternity no i'm good oh you're a [ __ ] i haven't seen you drinking four years i know what you're talking about these are some drawings my kids made at school okay let me see okay this is your son and daughter there's me outside the men's hotel and then they're saying why did you leave comment comment coming hey what did i do i just dropped i was in the neighborhood the movie the movie about the movie the movie you made and i promoted you put it on your vlog yeah i put on my vlog that was really nice dude yeah no problem dude but here's the thing um it's not it's not doing that well you want me to shout it out again i don't want to i already did it i think it's gonna be annoying if i double promote the movie well you know what i won't i won't [ __ ] get out because i knew you when you had no followers david you can become a [ __ ] [ __ ] he wants me to promote his movie [ __ ] stop stop [ __ ] don't stop do you know what it's like do you know where it's [ __ ] like to [ __ ] be me i got [ __ ] kids to feed alex and you [ __ ] come at me you [ __ ] throw frosty how [ __ ] dare you you're a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] millennials get out of that [ __ ] house you got a lot of [ __ ] anger issues out the [ __ ] up [ __ ] up you're gonna [ __ ] be old someday and you'll be [ __ ] dead with your [ __ ] anger problems when i'm old you're [ __ ] dead it's so [ __ ] hard being old i can't get out of bed in the morning my [ __ ] back hurts so much and you're a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] i don't want you here giving off that attitude giving off those vibes if all you're gonna do is be negative about everything you have in your life he's gonna [ __ ] kill you get a real job jason get a real job i work at christmas raise your hand if your parents are dead jason come on don't lie to us raise your hand if you probably have kids because you've had sex with a lot of people raise your hand if you've had a gay experience okay i like the honesty anybody else cool i just got a text from a random person that jason is on the side of the street right now so i'm going to see where he is oh my god this is not good come here hey big boy what are you looking for today don't pretend like i don't know who you are my name is carmelita your name is carmelita you know english you're not english you have a question burrito you want a burrito listen poppy if you don't want something don't waste my time today you come out here to make fun of me no [ __ ] off douche no get in the car see poppy see the lumber yard the lumberyard go to the lumber yard yeah [ __ ] my ass in the lumber yard no this car is nice yeah nice puppy you're making a lot of dinero yeah i'm gonna take you to my roommates if they wanna have sex with you we can do that okay it's going to cost i know it's gonna cost a lot of money yeah and we'll figure that out it's at least fourteen dollars fourteen now for what c for everything poppy i do it all for you did you have a job before this si papi i suck at the burger king that's a burger and now i suck dick at the chick-fil-a what's your vlog you watch my vlogs yeah you take a selfie that's gum oh [ __ ] you owe me money you got that [ __ ] with me i'm the [ __ ] boss you got it jesus christ okay papi you can drive now don probably has a really strong stomach you try it i don't want to i can't jason just try it i i don't want to i'm gonna sit nothing's gonna happen dude i'm [ __ ] old you don't know i'll give you 10 bucks okay i'll do it yes yes yes yes boom second banana chug it chug it chug it chug it chug what does it feel like it feels like my stomach's about to explode does it feel like you're gonna throw up no i'll be fine so it's my one year anniversary coming up with liza right what do i get her what if tomorrow morning like hey babe listen i slept with someone the other day but like i didn't feel anything uh-huh and i feel like we're a lot closer together now for my one year anniversary it gets eliza i should cheat on her yeah it worked that could work i had a similar idea jason what's your idea okay uh first idea a horse 400 pigeons tour of a slaughterhouse timeshare in aleppo write a poem about her feet make her a special batch of lean what did you get for your wife divorce papers you know you can hire like those topless maids yeah so what if she walks in the house and there's like three topless mates and then there's like no jesus this has to be romantic how would that possibly get her going a clean house what more could you want okay flowers just real simple we can get a ton of them at the cemetery it won't cost you anything no we're not stealing you want me to steal from the cemetery yeah i think that's pretty good i mean especially like the jewish people here they got a lot of good flowers whoa whoa trump what do you mean i'm jewish yeah take it easy so i can't steal from the jews no i don't sell from the jews we had it hard so who do i steal from i guess you're gonna steal six million flowers you would have voted for trump if you could have figured out how to vote i know you how about a python you want me to get eliza a python jason are you stupid yeah i am yeah you know what that could work yeah thank god what's up guys what's going on jason what's with the penis outfit well hopefully you're looking at the new guy who hands out flyers in front of the pleasure chest the first thing i want to do josh is have a daughter come to work day i think that's a bad idea where's your daughter gonna go if she visits you at work you can just sit on my left ball sack no she's not sitting on your balls listen this is a weird job i'll admit but i'm proud of you baby you're going to make some money it's a cause for celebration josh bend over let's go all right guess who just got a job what you got the job yeah i already signed the paperwork and everything today there we go are you [ __ ] kidding me you can't get this job you're black what whoa so you're saying cause i'm black i can't have a white penis is that what you're saying well yeah it looks ridiculous that's all maybe we get you a black costume but it's my [ __ ] job my father was a white penis my grandfather was a white penis his grandfather's father was a white penis you can't be in that costume because you're a black guy with a white penis all right trump just over here trying to make america great again okay don't throw that at me i have a ton of black white penis friends what does that mean i see what this is that's that white penis privilege i want you to get the [ __ ] out of my hand shut your mouth you caucasian dick jesus you did not just say that to me no guys guys go outside if you want to fight stop it are they outside oh my god there it is what's going on jason don't do this damn chase no jason we're gonna go on hollywood boulevard gabby's gonna pretend she's pregnant and we're finding out the gender of their baby if you haven't seen a gender reveal video this is it what's gonna happen is they're gonna figure out that their baby is a girl jason's gonna lose his mind because he doesn't want a girl we're gonna see how people react actually it's 2017. we're not going to assume the baby show baby wore a pregnant outfit yep before we do the actual pink ball i told jason we should practice and he's like why i know how to hit a baseball and this is what happened when we practiced everybody can i have your attention i have something amazing for you to witness today this is my wife we met out here on hollywood boulevard two years ago in this spot she's three months pregnant today we're going to find out the sex of our first boy i'm hoping for a boy i'm not going to lie baby it's pink it's a girl and if it's blue it's a boy it's a blue it's a boy [Applause] it she could have made it happen is this serious shitty chromosomes that made it a girl oh really are you serious right now you let me come out you want to embarrass me with a girl out here you brought the baseball you told you something i needed to get sick of this [ __ ] jason i'm [ __ ] done good go get out of here gaby come on that made me so uncomfortable i didn't even know how to end it i kind of just walked away daddy didn't even get a ride home because we were so scared if you come up here and you shoot and you make it i'm going to give you a shout out but if you miss you have to let zayn sit on your face naked with his balls are you down yeah i can hit this all right let's see it dude susie and she's jason's date why are you going out with jason what are you doing going out with me i've been out there in three days okay that's a lot you're going out with jason yeah no honestly what is it about jason i'm sorry i'm putting you on the spot but we're actually all curious look at us all on the edge of our seat really like what's wrong with this girl zane just realized that she's here with jason how did jason approach you well i went and opened my um dms one day what are you saying what's wrong with that there's something wrong with that i just honestly imagined her damning josh peck and then dming you on accident also you know josh back he's like yeah you're pretty better because he's about to read jason cm's to him oh yeah he said who's that box oh my god you're so old is that gem and swinging gal how old did he tell you he was he wrote on his tinder that he's 39 no that's a mistake but that happens on facebook you know what i hate about you what your apology video for the native american skit did better than the native american skin okay you would think that people would be like oh [ __ ] him an apology video no no no but instead people were like he apologized he offended us an hour ago but he's sorry your life is structured in a way that you could run someone over in your tesla but then it would turn out that that person was like a mass murderer and then everybody like david's saying this again he saved all the female joggers that were getting killed under the board what does it mean that you guys are both jews you guys say that a lot these are fearful people what are you guys scared of they exterminated 6 million jews at one point so that tends to stick around we're almost over it you seem just like a regular person like it's weird for you to like we are but if [ __ ] went down jason and i would be giving each other you're unbelievable just in case you guys were hooking up as you were walking down the hall this is how i imagined it oh my god oh my god oh no get out of here get out of here wow did you feel that don't you wish you got that on camera you know what i was doing two years ago canning i was pulling pepsi cans out of the trash jesus yes why for money for a brand no i just have no concept of reality i'm like you were doing something for pepsi you see a homeless guy cannon you're like oh sweet who hooked that up for him you'd give up your kids for youtube if it was the right move no i wouldn't i wouldn't give up my kids obviously my kids are the most important thing for me and there i do anything for them and money doesn't matter and it's fine to eat ramen noodles as long as we're all together there's a lot thanks for watching ari make sure you like and subscribe tweet me at david dover jason headed down to a bodybuilding competition this weekend do you plan on winning no but i plan on eating a [ __ ] ton of donuts watching the bodybuilding company new year's resolutions you got going well i'm gonna learn my kids names what do you think their names are last week i thought it was joe and crystal but their mom said it's not so what's that what are the names i have it written down no i have joe and kristen written down are you racist am i jewish yeah not anymore oh well i got kicked out of the temple how did you get kicked out of the temple i did a prank on the rabbi what was the prank i just went up there and i took my dick out that's not the problem why'd you do that if you filmed it it's a prank have you ever played pranks on your kids sure what's the last prank you played on it i told him i was gonna be a good father this night we're talking about ideas that we can do for the vlog and jason goes how about we do a bit where i dress up as an old guy and i walk around and interact with people i'm like you mean the bit called david's vlogs like that's like todd coming up to me and be like hey we should get like the most gorgeous person on planet earth jason dresses up as an old guy ends up looking younger this year you're gonna write a book this year yeah what are you gonna title it uh how to latch on to a 20 year old internet star i went to dinner with my family in boston and went upstairs with my dad and he made the worst joke of all time you can get jim's chowder that's one of the things on the menu a seafood restaurant everyone orders my dad calls last and he goes i'll have a cup of john's chowder like that and the waitress goes you mean jim's chowder he goes no joke she's like okay i mean the chowder he's like no i'd like to have jim's brother john and he goes you don't get the joke i think jason's a little bit gay i think you're a little bit gay and you're projecting no why are you twirling your hair this is a boring conversation anyways who brought this up you did david oh i'ma prove it to you guys right now this is my girlfriend right here elijah come on here take your top off you and todd are constantly bickering it's non-stop fighting i said four words to child last night yeah come [ __ ] my ass yeah i got a lot of trash back here so i put this one in the front is it okay if i film i have a youtube channel yeah yeah sure you drive like me you must be all that out of hell dude i owned a lot of animals i had snakes she was attached to my wife's titty i guess she was hungry i was on a reality show i've seen aliens sure wow what about you guys you guys are going to tie the nuts when do we tie them up when you need a green card i need one you have a love that's what's important oh really um there's some knocking coming from your trunk there's nothing in the chair the reason i couldn't put any luggage back there is because there's someone back there that's uh i guess i didn't know we ordered uberpool just [Applause] 30 seconds of meeting this man no yes i knew no i almost [ __ ] suffocated i'm like hold the joke hold the joke oh my god you mean when you call immigration no it's not a new congregation people do this in college come here come here come here what's that boom ah you've been iced i don't have to drink it on your knee yeah really yeah that's really cool i'm not [ __ ] doing that hey if any of y'all watch my videos i know they suck but thank you i saw this on the internet so i got a nerf gun because i changed the nerf bullets and put a thumbtack instead you thought it couldn't get any better one of them's infected with syphilis give me some reasons why i shouldn't shoot you i help you with your vlog fair enough trisha why shouldn't i shoot you a lot of subscribers that really hate you if you shot me trisha's like i already have syphilis [Applause] oh my god sterilize them no but you're fine i think if you pet sex with me it's more risky instead of the bullets they're thumbtacks and whoever wants to get shot is welcome to get shot is there like a reward for getting shot are we just volunteering he's definitely new here it's a [ __ ] honor to be on his channel oh man he's [ __ ] serious acupuncture you got a job at portillo's it's a hot dog place oh right on well my channel died so i work here now what's the garbage salad uh it's just stuff we found in the garbage you put in the salad yeah it's eight dollars yeah it's a good markup [Laughter] can i come around there and talk no okay he's coming here holy [ __ ] why are they just okay with all of this sorry [Music] how do you guys travel do you travel with those to buy horse yeah but what happens if you have to go far by horse like let's say you have to go all the way to california you have not met this horse how was the visit to lithuania did you see any of the other relatives lots of fun with the relatives sit down we eat goulash maybe you i'm not eating people you definitely had poo poo why are you not admit to it no no everyone saw you yeah yeah it's on my facebook i'm just not down right now like to be honest i'm tired i've had a long long day maybe just save it for tomorrow all right why don't we take a short break from the dwarf jokes and talk about what a [ __ ] [ __ ] you are trying something new you're gay yes that's not it all right so i can you vlog this i'm trying out a new thing no no straight up weird for you to be wearing a diaper not a diaper it's padded underneath that's a diaper that's your attempt at fitting in with the kids what demographic are you trying to fit in these are the diapers you need yeah these are the ones i don't want anyone to know about it you know look at this [ __ ] buying diapers hello david now that you've been deported welcome to your home country slovakia these are your brothers and sisters that you have not known oh my god this is mister and this is um craig right here imagine i blindfold you and i put this guy on top of you yeah a giant gorilla and then you just start guessing what it is this guy's a daily vlogger welcome back to my second channel today we're doing smasher pass [Music] literally my 13 year old's favorite game that's the second channel montage [Laughter] one on one [Music] david you're on team david i know but french might put me on a track you know let's go friends let's go is that your friend that's why i pulled him out here that's not fair oh no how much fresh montana man three two one let's david's pretty funny i gotta give it to him that would we need big kick french right there that was pretty funny how many number one singles do you have david [Applause] i need to be on my side that's right we're gonna get a rematch why are you supporting french and not me i don't know at the last minute it just seemed like french looked a lot cooler he had a cool shirt on you were my support system anyway i gotta go up to the room with french right now but i'll catch up with you guys later got a bunch of girls up there so all the [ __ ] blood went out like on the right side of my chest david one last question before i go okay will this make the vlog yeah my son's 11th birthday yeah i got him a playstation nowhere what made you want to get him a playstation i just wanted to get him something nice because i do love him you know how they love you more i really just wanted to set the bar high yeah what's up guys i can't stay long because of the lawyers i know i haven't been the best dad over the years i know my work on the internet has caused you a lot of pain and you've gotten beat up at school and stuffed in lockers because of me poor wives so dear old dad you're like i really come through today and i want you in the present okay yeah i think it's a good idea daddy loves you with all his heart it's a ps4 i have something outside for you guys you guys want to see what i have you can come to jason i'll play with the play one open the playstation no no come here i have something outside come here guys come on come on they just opened the playstation i have something come on keep them close guys come on open your eyes come out it's television legend josh peck get him any games for the playstation it doesn't come with any games does it no i can't afford a geek that's okay we can just ride the pony all night yeah dude you're the best uncle i've ever had this is the best day of my no problem david i didn't know you were this cool that's josh peck i think this is it enzo i'll never have a good relationship with my kids this is really hard to watch but we all saw it coming jason be honest did you steal my ps4 to give the wires my dad says i should stay far far away from you i'm so fascinated by the train wreck that is you is it tough constantly disappointing everyone when exactly did you give up on your dreams your kids cry when anyone mentions your name until i met you your son said you were dead you're walking anti-drug commercial i saw your son googling adoption you make me question god's existence what are you even doing here you just come here to ridicule me that's what i live for girl you gotta start wearing underwear i don't have time to put on underwear i have [ __ ] children guys you're telling me no parents wear underwear they have no parents though you ask ask any dad pull up dating dad dad two seconds it's like it's an hour or two it doesn't take two seconds i'll watch you put on some underwear later you're literally showing off your ass oh no what do we have to do to make you feel better oh [ __ ] oh no damn it guy's queen is stuck oh no jason's favorite stuck porn she's got her hand stuck in here [Laughter] i know where he's stuck in here she's really shocked yeah she's really shocked they're made from other people's body parts yeah this frankenstein pick up the chicks look at this [ __ ] what's up ladies they love it they love that frankenstein dick what makes your dick different than the other decks made up of 14 other dicks taking a quick trip to chicago right now what's up [ __ ] vlog squad guess what i'm taking this [ __ ] plane over both the pilots are knocked out with blow darts i'm gonna [ __ ] crash this thing right into the rocky mountain i will be able to save one of you karina i have an offer on the table up here if you want to come up here and blow me in the two pilots [Laughter] guys we just got back from the airport rose is leading up to my bedroom hello yeah got something going on in here okay we will knock this door down jason [Laughter] what's going on got a girl in here man i borrowed your room what do you want there's no one in here this is andrea if you don't remember in the last vlog she sat on jason's face what the [ __ ] is going on isn't that a metaphor for your videos sun's always shining on david what's up guys welcome back to the vlog today's special guest jesus christ hey jesus jesus what do you think about karina oh you know what gotta go see you later david don't ever put me on the [ __ ] spot like that again [Laughter] if i can make you laugh three times in this store okay done carly come on in how are you open my door yeah my mom just brought all this stuff in it's great to meet you i'm hannah i'm from montana oh hannah montana [Laughter] hannah montana jokes a1 you yourself have never joined the mile high club i want you really badly i've never had you [Laughter] i have a feeling this trip i might make it happen i do get bonus on airplanes is that like a serious thing that you would do yeah absolutely yeah but you know what the worst thing with me is that he'd be outside the door like this [Laughter] wait if you're here who's flying the plane todd thinks he's more than a sexual object and i disagree you leave my roommate alone and you go and you take your [ __ ] and get out of here he's my roommate not yours and i won't stand for it what i was saying is that he's a sexual object oh yeah you're right you're do you know what they pay for this what do you mean that line right there that's what every man wants jason do you have that line i have the same lines there's the mine's mine's a little underneath the situation your daughter walks home and she brings home todd well i'd have no problem with that todd lives with me i mean she's bringing him home because she's dating him financially i don't know if that would be so great for the three of us oh my god it's bubbling it's looking through the water bottle yeah really looking there yes you guys isn't that funny but what is it what is it what do you mean what is in the bottle what what did he see i don't know go check i guess yeah stop doing that do i look like an idiot to you guys i'm trying to look in there to see what you saw but you keep splashing the water in my face we gotta show him what's in the ball okay we'll show you again just holding his hands in case you fall okay [ __ ] you guys no more it's the last time i'm doing it jane do not take your hand and squeeze that water what's up guys i have a delivery driver coming over right now and i'm going to invite her inside and ask her a very important question i'm babysitting right now and i need help changing the baby's diaper and i'm wondering if you can help me change the diaper no do you know how to change the diaper of course okay thank god because i don't know enough fist pound if you don't have a life david i don't like that at all i [ __ ] thought you were giving me a real fist pound just shake my hand all right um it's okay if you hate your life i don't in my life in any way i like my life why'd you shake my hand because you [ __ ] asked me to shake your hand because normal people would shake hands not make a [ __ ] joke about it can i touch your nipples sure if you're racist i'm not dating tom you try it give him one give him one can i pick your nose sure ah cool no time what i can't keep doing this david i can't be in your vlogs anymore i'm an actor david when i was on the set of drake and josh you weren't even on drinking josh you want to see some of my work yeah okay yes are you all right where are you that's you jason you didn't even say anything watch me walk out let me walk look at the way i'm walking i've got a hand in my back you didn't even say anything it was in the pocket on there you were an extra jason you were an extra on the show does that look like an extra the way i came in there and nailed that perfectly the way i walked in the concern did you see the way i walked in no i think you're just jealous because i know drake and josh you don't know drake and josh i'll call him right now okay go ahead call him right now drake dog you haven't saved it this isn't dre are you kidding me what up drake it's jason nash from the meatball episode dude the meatball episode of what you've been calling me trying to facetime you for like the past hour the only reason i answered this was to find out like who this was can you call me one more time i'm gonna end your life jesus what's going on those guys they're [ __ ] around jake's a joker like that drake's a joker yeah drake's the jokester and josh is you know like the guy that's kind of inward like the guy you want to get deep with josh and i are a lot tired you have josh peck's number david the show is called drake and josh peck yeah right what up josh can you see what i'm holding oh dude a prop from drake and josh awesome the birthday cake episode i'm tired of this [ __ ] you've been bothering me non-stop what are you doing we've got to get the crew back together get a dinner i wish you so much good luck if you call me again i'm gonna [ __ ] murder you he was busy no he wasn't yeah he was no he obviously in the middle of something here's a fun game take trisha's bra and see how many different things you can use it as a prop go yeah uh being a bee is pretty cool let's see you dive i don't know david i am i haven't died in a while and here it goes very well focused it was really good was it good yeah charlie don't go in the water because there's a whale jason why is it that every time i see you you're not wearing any underwear do you ever wear underwear i do wear underwear david i didn't get a chance to put anything on today because i was [ __ ] late that makes me look sad he's nash logic i didn't remember my pants i'm having a good day just imagine jason we get up in the morning looking in his underwear just oh i don't have time for that willy wonka just called he wants you to come in for the late shift oh that's funny because your ex-wife actually just called too oh yeah what she said oh i couldn't hear i think she bumped on me because in the background i just heard her [ __ ] another dude you talk a lot about sex for a guy that can't find his penis speaking of not finding things how are your kids by the way oh well maybe i should be asking you didn't you just get out of kindergarten with them that's why you bring that up because i did and for their class presentation they showed a poster of how much they hate their [ __ ] dad you're like a gorgeous human being right how often do you get girls like how often do you people how often do we pick up chicks you guys tag team when you go out to bars right okay this is how it works we'll spot a couple of girls okay i go over and lead in right yeah yo check out my friend todd over there he's interested i said that to one of the girls yeah and then i hope to get you know the second girl that's not as good looking yeah and then todd takes both so you bring home like two chicks a night and then jason what do you bring home chipotle god these are beautiful how often do you shave do you wax your belly too yeah man it just grows back so fast can we wax it i have dyed my hair paint shaved my head and dressed as a prostitute there is no [ __ ] way i am waxing my chest i was telling jason that you're not supposed to double text people if you don't really know him yeah no when i want an answer from you little [ __ ] millennials i'll text as much as i want can't believe you're gonna give me [ __ ] about this just [ __ ] go in your [ __ ] hole and be a [ __ ] teenager because that's who you are you're a snotty nose [ __ ] teenager [ __ ] you tell me who i can't double text in my life and i'll tell you if you're right or wrong you can't double text jennifer lawrence i meet jennifer lawrence at a bar okay text me some time that's what she says and i'm like yeah okay hey what's up do you want to hang out she doesn't text back she doesn't text back now i think to myself not texting back so i have nothing to lose i will text this [ __ ] again you can text me as much as you want because we're friends i might just [ __ ] get vin diesel's number and text the [ __ ] out i think it's really cool that you have a mom is she old i don't want to be rude and ask her age she's like 74. she's 74. yeah your mom is younger than you i'm not like most teens i'm 47. [ __ ] dick you're [ __ ] ruining my life how was he a dick he literally built all of our careers including yours my [ __ ] daughter won't [ __ ] kiss me i went to kiss her good night last night she started crying she's like get the clown man out of my room you're lucky enough for david to take you under his wing and bring you to do all these crazy things and put you in his video me no [ __ ] bound down to him you should be [ __ ] bowing down to him jason get a lip injection he pays 850 dollars and it's in there for like 15 seconds this is like permanent damage you're like yeah actually i don't think i'm gonna use it too hard to cut together i was trying to make it piece together and i got to there's a trump rally going on right now jason's gonna go out there and be annoying jason's not a republican or a democrat so i have no idea what he's gonna say america is [Applause] i'm crazy for the hatred daddy's friend i am on mushrooms sir please everyone we want we all want a combination of acid and mushrooms i'm tripping bowls right now association game so whatever word i say you're gonna have to associate something with it okay okay go all right pig okay jason what are you doing in my girlfriend i didn't know you were having people over hi you must be david i'm jason yeah i know who you are what are you doing in my girlfriend's house a divorced man with two kids yeah lives in your place oh my god wow look at you someone brought the claws out jason this is weird why is it weird look at what you're wearing this is my nightly ritual david you don't have boobs stop trying to cover your nipples i do too i've got i'm going through something right now i'm seeing the doctor tomorrow you can come back don't touch me david i swear to god i will [ __ ] wreck you as a human being i will hit you in my car i [ __ ] picked up the [ __ ] door for you and you're gonna tease me you've officially lost your [ __ ] marbles yeah you're insane david it's not i [ __ ] done i know you need content you got me scared go over there now here's the situation we have a todd pinata hanging from the basketball hoop under it i have a grill and canola oil we're gonna try to light todd on fire using the canola oil and in the pinata is jason's eight-year-old daughter charlie but i'm more nervous about the propane tank next to the pot yeah no [ __ ] [ __ ] you dumb [ __ ] skank how dare you not think of that thank god heath is here and he's [ __ ] outdoorsy and racist even your dog's into this dog wants to save our lives that's that kind of breed they sense dangerous i didn't want to do this but you're forcing my [ __ ] hand is that my mom bet your [ __ ] slovak acid you're like wrong it's immigration [ __ ] christina your son is about to blow this up tell him to take the propane tank out are you kidding me you can't stop me i moved what's up guys okay david thank you so much for taking me to new york no problem dude you deserve it and i really want to thank you for letting me stay here in your hotel room it's my pleasure well i'm gonna go grab a quick shower okay you can come in just don't look to the right okay oh my god i've never seen one before welcome to new york guys we're really concerned that i went behind his back and got penis tattooed on his lips but that was not the case i don't even think the tattoo artist would have let me tattoo it if jason didn't know what was going on on that note i'm going to cut to us trying to convince jason to light himself on fire can you please get set on fire jason well here's the deal i haven't had my kids tonight so what time oh that's his only concern he's like can you babysit with third degree burns you haven't done [ __ ] for the vlog you rather you know what you've done what all this years of just childhood yeah it's gonna be really safe he's gonna be wearing multiple pants and i'm gonna have a fire extinguisher i don't know what's wrong with this the idea that you you can just keep do you want 20 bucks do it yes okay david this is so [ __ ] stupid i can't believe it [ __ ] cut stunt double hey how you doing jack how's your mother very good she's great all right perfect tell me what go put them up again put them up it's not going dave it's not [ __ ] going damn it's not looking going oh my god tom i explained to you [Laughter] if you're on fire you need to be put out the safety word is pelican okay scream pelican and we'll put you out there what's the safety word carmelita you're pro-trump see poppy trump is doing a lot for the prostitute game what is he doing for you he's building a wall to keep carmelita's competition out see you sucker you have to dig a tunnel this time because karma need to take all of the business you're here illegally right oh yes so then why are you pro-trump exactly i told you papi i want to kick everybody out so probably they can suck all these things you know trump's going to kick you out of the country too don't you worry about that david back in the day carmelita do some favors for mr trump what'd you do for trump let's just say the cia has a dossier on my book here i have to tell you something what cumberland is pregnant with big knicks baby david i didn't [ __ ] her who are you going to be a youtube blogger or a prostitute who smokes man and sucks dick i don't know they both sound pretty awful jason i was thinking since in the last vlog you smoked weed right what if we make it a series old man tries different kinds of drugs all right so i got some cocaine back are you down i can't do coke on camera i love how he goes on camera you have two kids kids your boy is ten your girl is seven which one's your favorite the boy really no i like him equally you do is your boy dating no he's 10 years old david damn you started dating you're like nine no i started having sex when i was not it's different i have a really good story i just don't know if i could share it oh i know what you're gonna say well i know what you're gonna say do you really it's about me yeah yeah we haven't talked about it since now either this is what happens i'm sitting here on the couch i'm at your place right todd i facetime jason i'm like hey jason what are you doing he's like not much just relaxing i'm like where are you he's like just in my room and he doesn't know i'm here i keep the conversation going and then i just walk right into his bedroom and he's like david what are you doing here i've never seen jason mad in my entire life he was mad embarrassed teenager walking in while i'm jacking off i would have sat right there looked at you straight in the eye and [ __ ] the best part about that entire story is like afterwards jason came out we pretend like nothing happened why wasn't your door locked i thought it was todd i was like oh my god you were jacking up while talking to david on facebook that's what i'm saying oh my god i put the headphones away and like jason was like my boss's calling inside todd has a lock in his room why don't you just not walk in on people's doors why don't you just jerk off in tots room are your parents proud of what you've been doing i mean they just don't really have a concept of what i'm doing oh they don't get like social media no i mean they're dead oh they're dead i'm gonna get my phone to jason jason's gonna read a couple mean comments about himself on the vlogs i don't like reading the comments i i don't care about comments i do you look like freddy krueger and ellen degeneres had a baby that's so true jason you look like a guy who flushes the toilet after he farts in it would you want to hook up with karena she showed me a vagina the other day no she didn't david i swear to god i am not making this up we were in your car and as i turned around from the front seat she goes like this she goes you want to see my vagina no she didn't david why would i lie about that i wouldn't say that about a young girl and then what did you do i came in my hands listen are you on ecstasy why did you park 50 feet away from that thing parks this far away from them so then i told her you can't see the gumball machine i'm the gumball machine you good do we call someone jason who do we call what is this meeting is receiving residents in case of emergency call nine one call nine one one josh we're calling us holy [ __ ] david [ __ ] idiot we're calling him it's okay what the [ __ ] what is going on maybe i read it wrong call nine one what's the number for 9-1-1 that's good that's good that's good what's the number for 9-1-1 what hang in there josh you're google searching and porn popped up a couple days ago i told jason if he wants to become the best vlogger he has to have quick reflexes i'm gonna put him to the test now [Applause] [Applause] no more for you only tonight you're telling me for the armenians watching this they're not going to be offended at all because that was real no not at all i lived in armenia for 17 years you do a lot of drugs though this little game where i do all these drugs and you've never tried them is the biggest line of [ __ ] that i've heard who's the audience gonna believe this cute innocent boy or this raggedy ass old man chicky had everything million dollar mansions fast cars she dated tony romo the quarterback for the dallas cowboys yes and you know what happened drugs took it all away now she has to clean houses you wrote a song about the cocaine addiction [Music] i've never known all these things about cheeky why were you hiding this yeah she saved my life once how i should give me the limelight really yeah what were you choking on um i was choking on a dick three weeks ago you told me that you were down to get taste that was three weeks ago okay so i have the taste oh my god no are you okay oh my god i'm so sorry three weeks ago i was a different girl you know that's who i am now are you serious is this what you've come to your [ __ ] girlfriend your girlfriend out of everybody in your [ __ ] vlog she's the only one with actual talent and this is what you're doing to her you know what will happen if you keep pulling stunts like this this beautiful face right here she will leave you ow hey addison welcome to prank central oh my god i was in my mouth i'll get you next time oh my god look who's dropping off trisha no way hi kesha who is this my friend what do you mean i had some guy in the truck you gotta be [ __ ] [ __ ] me how many [ __ ] time did i talk my friend trisha look how big his truck is that's not just a friend and she wants to be part of the vlog squad don't [ __ ] yourself i thought you were exclusive with jason i was living my friend for so long how are you take that david i don't care if she [ __ ] around on me how do you feel about that she's got pretty good taste i mean i don't know she's your girlfriend you're supposed to say you're not oh yeah i don't know if i pulled up with some girl just now you would have flipped the [ __ ] out who was that oh my god you want to be boyfriend girlfriend it's on [ __ ] i love you i'm gonna get clingy [ __ ] jason hello what's his name what's his dick size did you [ __ ] him did you suck him up you know the history of [ __ ] the entire [ __ ] sacramento king i'm telling you what the [ __ ] is going on right now so you really want to go on a fun spring break so i'm going to give you one shot to hit jason and if you hit him i'll give you a thousand dollars all right here we go good luck [Laughter] go ahead go show your dad okay go show daddy daddy david got me a new necklace okay you've got two robots away you're not even going to equip my buddy you know where it is shut up what did you say do you know where cvs is we're in new york and we had a really good time we go to the event and of course everyone recognizes [ __ ] yeah i'm right behind him of course and he goes hey what's up what's up i'm david updated and then you go this is my dad so he introduces me as his dad funny joke so then for the rest of the [ __ ] night people were coming up to me congratulating me being david's dad my question the entire night was why the [ __ ] are people so proud of david are you so proud of the way your son shames dwarves so proud of the way that your son has just sort of piggybacked on his girlfriend's face i used to work in an insane asylum my friends they had a band and they played for the patients one night yeah so all the patients are there dancing they're dancing to my friend's music whatever there's one guy in the back he's like too cool for everything cool he's too cool for everybody and you kind of think that like this guy's not crazy at all he's like the one guy that shouldn't be in here and then at one point during the show he starts walking up to my friend's dad like this he goes it's a charity my god my friend's dad goes like this she goes where eliza's right now and she has this huge beehive and this guy's gonna come in and remove the beehive and then when the beehive is removed we're gonna relocate it to jason's stomach [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] she's seeing my hair he's on your neck he's on your neck hold on hold on he's on the back he's on that can i touch him am i like get it off me am i allowed to touch him okay hold on hold on watch out trisha was no bee there no i'm hoping to do anything i mean if you want to put tarantulas on jason yeah you down [ __ ] you gary

Channel: DD Highlights

Views: 915,347

Rating: 4.8848047 out of 5

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Id: TxBgK3Y6dg4

Length: 90min 16sec (5416 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 17 2020