10 Lies That Become A Narcissist's Alternate Reality

as you learn about the narcissistic pattern it's also wise to reflect on the much healthier Alternatives now below you're going to find a link to my new extensive course called Ready Set connect IT addresses both the mindset and the skills involved in gratifying relationships and I hope you'll find it to be quite therapeutic [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] needless to say is you have ongoing interactions with a narcissist whether it's inside your home or work or social setting or Beyond there's a lot of frustration that they bring to the equation and they generate inside of you because as you try to talk with them especially in moments of differentness or if you're trying to discuss priorities or preferences or procedures these individuals just don't seem to be too interested in knowing you at all and you can have great difficulty feeling that you are ever going to be coordinated with them basically these people are so self-centered and so self-serving in the way that they think that you're not going to enter into their processes very cleanly what's going on here now one of the terms that we use as we describe narcissism is the term alternate reality and basically what we mean is narcissists are quite willing and Adept and not habituated to the idea that it's okay to distort truth to suit their narrative now often this begins happening in their life in such an early age that they can't articulate it quite like I just did but over time narcissists are so self-serving that any sense of objectivity gives way to subjectivity rather than thinking what is reason saying what how can I blend well with other individuals having their differences the subjective side says hey it's all about me and getting my ways and as a result you can be over there thinking I can't get through to this person I can't have an adult conversation with them and basically you begin realizing over time that two the narcissists just truth such as it is is merely a toy to be played with truth is expedient and if they have to make up certain things we call that lies to to get their narrative across into maintain their position over you they're quite willing to do so so what I'd like to do as I'd like to run through 10 of the most common lies that narcissists will tell themselves so that they can prop up their alternate reality and in doing so of course it can create all this frustration on you let's take a look at what we're talking about one of the first lies that narcissists will tell themselves is I should be free from pain or struggle now you know and I know that in any kind of relationship there's going to be differentness there's going to be disappointments or heard and sometimes there are events that go along around are all around us that are just not all that Pleasant and narcissists are thinking hey wait a minute this is me I don't need to be dealing with all this tension and frustration and in their mind they exist to have the world satisfy them and as a result they don't want to have to deal with pain and they run from it and so they create narratives that will allow them to think that they're special and they're entitled to a very distinct kind of treatment that's a beginning Point that's very strong it's not true but it's very strong in the way that they engage with people now a second lie that they tell themselves is acceptance means you're supposed to admire and adore me they don't have a real sense of objectivity regarding that topic because you see they're very needy they're they psychologically they look at you as being someone that can offer them Supply tell me how wonderful I am and so what they call acceptance really is an acceptance at all it's they want your feel to they want your loyalty and they want it in a blind kind of way so that it can prop up there fragile ego now a third line that they will tell themselves is you deserve to be scorned for your mistakes and of course they don't in their minds they they can they're able to pick out all sorts of flaws and negatives in everybody else and as a result they're very critical but they're not very self-reflective but instead what they'll do is they'll Whittle away at your resolve they'll question your decisions they'll let you know that they think that you're foolish or idiotic and you simply cannot go away from them thinking hey you know I think they think I'm a pretty good person they'll let you know what what your defects are and typically the list is pretty long now a fourth lie that they will tell themselves is if you try to point out or call out my flaws you just don't know me narcissists have such an inflated false but inflated view of who they are that they think well if you dare to say that there's something wrong with me clearly you must be an ill-informed person and they bypass the notion that we're off log we all have strains and difficulties and we may have miscalculations or we all have blind spots and the narcissists in their alternate reality think not me that's something that's just not there and as a result if you say let's talk about that you will be met with chronic invalidation now a fifth thing speaking of you trying to talk with them um narcissists will let it be known I'm not a defensive person in fact they'll even lie to themselves and say I'm actually a very approachable open individual and you're over there thinking are you kidding me these people are the poster children for defensiveness which means that they're very fear-based they don't trust individuals and they they can chronically justify or rationalize uh whatever it is that they're doing that seems off base to you they throw up walls and they don't let you get inside they don't like to be vulnerable but in their minds they've told themselves I'm not a defensive person so if we have a problem obviously it has to be you a sixth line that they have is the reason that people do criticize me and they're out there they'll say that it's because they're jealous and so again they want to hold themselves up in a high and Superior kind of way they've got this false inflated ego and uh and as a result whenever somebody does say well there's something here that's bothering me it's like yeah I'm so much better than you I'm sure it bothers you but that's not that's not on me that's on you and as a result they continue on and they're haughty condescending attitude towards other individuals now the seventh lie that they'll say to themselves is I'm not a controlling person now you might be but I'm not I I'm just trying to be helpful or you need someone to straighten you out but if you want to call me controlling you're wrong you're the one who has the stubbornness issue I am a really open kind of person and unfortunately you're just too stupid to understand what that means now an eighth lie that they will tell themselves is actually I'm much more empathetic than you might think that I am and these individuals think of themselves as knowing and being able to read other individuals from their angle and from their vantage point they may even go so far as to say oh I know you a whole lot better than anybody else I know you better than you know yourself but nonetheless they they like to think of themselves in these lofty terms like I have very good people skills I have good instincts with that when in fact they they don't they don't like to see you from from your Vantage Point they just like to pretend that they do now a ninth lie that they bought into and is if you think that I am a manipulator why don't we just agree you are the one with a hidden agenda you might come along and say hey this isn't working for me and you're I think you're messing with me and you may try to confront him on something and when you do it's just going to draw their argumentative style oh contrary if you think that I'm messing with you there's only one problem here and that is you're trying to mess with me I'm just trying to stand for truth that's how they lie to themselves and then a tenth lie that they will tell themselves and that is I'm not an arrogant person some somewhere along the line they probably pick up that other people think that of themselves but what they'll do is they'll say well I'm a confident person and that doesn't mean I'm arrogant and they Overlook the fact that their confidence is built upon belittling other individual uh other individuals it's a false sense of confidence at everybody else's expense that's how they think and by the way let me just add a bonus I mentioned I have 10 a bonus live that we'll say is they'll also tell you and I'm not a hypocrite either you're a hypocrite but I'm not do you see what we're dealing with here this is what I mean when I say narcissists operate with alternate reality they have decided that they have to be at the top of the stack they have to be the best they have to be the one that's in charge that has the final word and so they'll justify and rationalize all sorts of things about you and about themselves to prop up their truth which isn't Truth at all it's just propaganda but they've bought into it and they want you to buy into it so as you see this and you spot it for what it is just know you're dealing with a con artist honesty is something that to them is is quite fluid and it only is used when it supports their desires and needs of the moment they actually like it when you call them out because you know what they'll do they'll use it as an opportunity to say see I am dealing with a complete and total idiot and they love to put blame shifting on or the blame shift on to you and the bottom line is they simply can't be honest with you because it would blow their cover they have such a fragile ego that any kind of admission of fault or any kind of vulnerability which is what healthy individuals do it's like no no no I can't go into that so when they come toward you with their lives and it's very clear that they're wanting you to buy into that I'm hoping that you can have certain responses one we think differently two I think I'll continue to live according to my understanding three I truly have no need to force you to agree with me now you may say these thoughts out loud you may think them in your mind but anyway the the when narcissists realize that that's what you're thinking they are going to invalidate just like I mentioned a little bit ago and ultimately you and I can hold on to the notion that says it's truly pitiable that an individual like that narcissist feels the need to build their Persona upon self-delusion that's where they are you don't need to join them now the video such as this can give you some good awareness of what you're dealing with if you've not already hit that subscribe button uh Gus and I will uh we would love to have you do so and we'll be bringing more videos in your direction I truly appreciate you allowing me to be on your journey with you uh likewise if you feel like you have a need for therapy and many times as you're struggling with these kinds of issues that I'm talking about you would realize that would be a good option for you you know that I've been sponsored for years now by the people at betterhelp.com they have a link below this video and you can go through that link there's a whole team of licensed professional therapists that you could uh choose from it's affordable it's accessible it's become very popular in recent years please get the help that you would need in addition I also have my therapeutic courses and it's like like signing up for an online class and it's very extensive it'll take a little bit of a time commitment from you but I hope it would be worth it each class has multiple videos like 25 with written documents per video and guided questions and it'll walk you through the process of adjusting well one is called Ready Set connect about how to make healthy connection skills and we also have this is me about establishing your boundaries free to be finding yourself despite those controllers we also have my webinars that have been presented and they're on my website and you can find those in addition to my podcast we have our the website that does have many articles we have my books plenty of resources okay narcissists can't be honest with you because they can't be honest with themselves they have built an alternate reality that they're deeply committed to understand that and know that if you try to make them uh see that and adjust it's just going to be an invitation for them to invalidate so okay got it in the meantime I'm hoping you can decide well that's their gig I'm not going to join them I'm on team healthy I'm sticking with my dignity respect and Civility and in doing so it allows you to become a person of peace that Unfortunately they can't join you with but I'm hoping that you'll seek your peace nonetheless even if it means you have to do it in a Solo way foreign [Music]

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 75,231

Keywords: gaslighting, NPD, narcissism in relationships, anger, passive aggressive, covert narcissist, self esteem, Dr. Les Carter, psychology

Id: Xmm0_XC1a3I

Length: 14min 26sec (866 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 08 2023