Should I Stay Or Should I Leave? 8 Signs A Narcissist Is Unsafe

we've received quite a bit of interest in my free to be workshop so to that effect beneath this video is a link that will give you a description for the workshop and we've also included a special discount so if that's something you would be interested in i would invite you to click that link and i hope that you would find the course to be quite beneficial the longer you're exposed to strongly narcissistic people a certain question can begin to arise fairly commonly and that question is should i stay or should i go and when you're at the point of asking that question particularly if it's on a repetitive basis it implies that you've been exposed to quite a bit of toxicity and it's eating away at your insides and i think you need to take a look at what's going on there that would help you understand whether this is something that you really need to remain exposed to let's keep in mind that narcissists are very self-absorbed individuals they're into power plays entitlement and one of the things that it leads to is it leads to them belittling you and approaching you with an unbending authoritarian style of being or a stubbornness that that negates all the things that are right and good about you i want to point out eight different indicators of toxicity that have uh come into a relationship and i want you to just kind of go through these a with me as kind of an inventory a personal inventory so that you can decide when you hit that question should i stay or should i go what's wisest and best for you so let me go through these eight and then i want you to check and see how frequently or how strongly might these issues be in your personal life now one of the first things that i'm going to mention that is an indicator of strong toxicity from a narcissist is they have nasty anger many times people had would come into my counseling office and they they'd be talking about how they're exposed to somebody that had such a bad temper or they were very blaming or easily argumentative uh they can curse at you and then character assassination sometimes there's threats of harm or you'll be sorry if you disagree with me and it turns into contempt and holding grudges against you are you exposed to that kind of behavior on a fairly frequent basis that's very toxic let's keep in mind that anger in and of itself doesn't scare me in fact there are times when when it can have a necessary function when it's tapped into clean self-preservation narcissists though because they're so dominant and they so need to condescend toward other individuals to boost themselves uh their anger tends to be very unhealthy very steadily and very consistently i want you to kind of notice how how much exposure do you have to that and what is it doing to your interior because you're probably becoming less and less of an effective person by your exposure to that a second indicator that toxicity has been creeping in is you're made to feel responsible for that controllers that narcissist mistakes uh inevitably narcissists can be so disruptive and inappropriate in the way that they get along with folks and and it's it's kind of glaringly obvious like i said they're arguments and things of that nature but whenever that happens the narcissist will inevitably take the victim's mentality look what you're doing to me look how miserable you've made my life and which is part of their entitlement by the way you owe me certain things and so instead of them pulling back saying you know what my bad they just double down and say uh this is your fault you're responsible for making me feel this way therefore you're responsible for making me not feel that way do you find yourself feeling like you're being pulled into a pattern of life that requires you to go along with that kind of thinking a third indicator of toxicity and that is the hyper control narcissists tend to they can be so overbearing that you can feel like you're being micromanaged they can give you lots of unsolicited advice you're constantly feeling like there's this agenda out there sometimes it's a very strongly declared agenda other times it's just like you're supposed to know criticism comes easily and when you have that kind of ongoing exposure to the extent that it just seems to be a steady element again it's like acid on the inside of you it erodes your sense of well-being you no longer feel optimistic or pleasant that would be an indicator that this is not a healthy relationship lots of toxicity now following right along with that a fourth indicator of toxicity is easy jealousy on behalf of that narcissistic person uh by that uh it can be that now you can think of it in let's say in romantic situations where uh the person is doesn't want you to have any kind of friendships or connection with the opposite gender that's kind of an easy low low hanging fruit to pick on with that and it's like who is that person what are you saying and how much interest do they have in you they can be that way but it can be a jealousy of a much broader nature i mean for example in a work setting where that narcissist wants to be the kingpin or the queen pen and and then they don't like it when you have other allegiances and alignments or it could be that um that even inside a family situation where one person wants to be the one that calls all the shots and they don't want you around others that might uh entice you toward other kind of things it's like no i have to be the ultimate one i don't like it when you're with other individuals and they can have suspicion like are y'all talking about me over there although i guess over there some parts you don't say y'all never mind but that easy jealousy and that control with a fear element that comes through with that a fifth indicator of their toxicity is they over emphasize your accountability to them now by that i have had so many stories where people say i just feel smothered you know whenever i'm out that narcissistic person may ask where have you been who are you with what did you say to them did you tell them about this did you say anything about that and sometimes it's like they get text bombed or they'll say things like well you need to check with me first before you do this over here or anything that more or less implies i want you to run all of your decisions through me you're so accountable to to me and to my agenda and you just feel like i can't do anything without just feeling like i'm under that person's thumb constantly that's the over accountability and that's highly toxic because it diminishes your sense of freedom you need to be free in a relationship a sixth indicator and this is very large is that you can be you can feel like you're being required to isolate from those that uh care about you most and again it doesn't matter if it's in a marriage or extended family or work or friendships uh the narcissist wants to to be the overarching influence in your life and so they like keeping you off to the side over here so if someone comes along and says to you why don't we do this together that narcissistic person is like no we don't need to do that or i don't know why you want to go there and so you find yourself losing some of your connections that have meant things to you in the past or you find yourself thinking i'm not even going to bother trying to make connections because it's just going to be more problems that create more problems and it solves isolation is one of their favorite tactics because that allows them to be the only voice in the room a seventh indicator of their toxicity is their willingness to humiliate you there can be so many times when it i mentioned that they can be controlling and critical but it's more than that the the humiliating of my narcissists they'll go into deep insults you are so stupid or they'll say seemingly funny but it's just ridiculing comments about you in public and they they want to keep you in your place sometimes there's just character assassination not only are you defective then everybody associated with you is defective and they're not at all bashful about letting you know that and then an eighth indicator of that ultimate toxicity is that they can just uh use their defense mechanism of stonewalling if you don't give them what they want they'll go into the silent treatment they'll punish you with their withdrawal they throw a thick and impenetrable wall around them they don't let you know who they are they want to know everything about you but they're not going to allow you to know what's cooking on the inside they don't admit their own problems a very very strong defensive structure so we go back to that question should i stay or should i go um i'm hoping that there are going to be certain elements that you're going to uh to hold on to as you try to come to terms with that question and the first element is i want you to be honest with yourself about the nature of this relationship name what's going on that's why i put these things out there uh quit making excuses on behalf of the narcissist and ask you know am i just being required to go along with something that's unhealthy and if that's the case what does that mean to me and be honest about it as opposed to just sweeping it off to the side another huge thing that i'm hoping you'll adjust on is breaking the kind of code of silence that's required from that narcissist toward you they don't want you talking about your problems but you know what if there are some problem situations you need a trusted friend or a counselor or an advisor or a family member somebody that you that you know cares about you and let them know here's what my struggles are that they don't need to tell you what to do but it's nice to know that you have other people besides that narcissist whispering in your ear who can give you words of encouragement now you do want to ask am i willing to bring an end to a relationship that's this dysfunctional this toxic life is simply too short to just abide by uh some chronic the chronic disregard of some narcissistic person do i really need to do this and then in addition if you do confront that narcissist about your concern with the toxicity yeah you want to make sure that you make decisions not based on immediate promises they might make okay i'll quit doing that but based on what the entire body of evidence tells you because narcissists will say whatever they need to sometimes short term but long term they just keep going back to their same old patterns and above all else listen to what your pain is trying to tell you if you're if you're constantly feeling hurt and uh and discouraged and uh put down what is that trying to say it's that's your inner person saying i can do better than this i need to do better than this now i want you to ask a question ask yourself a question if you noticed a friend of yours or a loved one or somebody that you just knew in a social acquaintance and you knew that they were being treated in a highly toxic way with all of these ingredients that i just mentioned would you just shrug and say no big deal i doubt it now if this is happening to you i don't want you to just shrug and say no big deal because it is a big deal i'm hoping that you will give yourself the same nurturance and self-preservation that you would want others to have and in doing so make your decisions should i stay or should i go based on what you know is wisest and best for you you don't want that narcissist just keep pouring toxicity into your emotional system it's a hard topic and i know some of you are really struggling with this which is why we keep the videos coming uh if you've not already subscribed i would encourage you to do so and i'm hoping that it can just keep you in a learning mode if you have a need for counseling and there may be someone in your area that you can seek out and if so i would encourage you to do that if you don't have someone immediate we have a sponsor and there's a link below that would take you to that where you can find online counseling with licensed professionals who are experienced we've had good feedback from that and i would encourage you if need to be to go to that link we also have resources such as my courses like free to be our webinars and other courses that are on the way and and other resources my books when pleasing you is killing me the anger trap etc i i want you to practice self-care and i i hope that you hear me uh hear me clearly when i say i genuinely care about the people that i work with and those of you who allow me to be a part of your sphere of influence i want good things to come your way and the way it's going to happen is for you to be the chairman of the person that says i'm taking care of me please practice self-care and take yourself to a place of goodness and peace

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 167,919

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Id: BlOv-99_IQI

Length: 13min 46sec (826 seconds)

Published: Thu May 20 2021