5 Tricks Narcissists Use to Manipulate You

let's get right into it the first one is they take advantage of your fairness have you noticed that a perfect example of this is in a divorce most people and I'm sure this is probably you when you think about ending a relationship or things not going well you start looking for your side of the street like oh I made a mistake here or you you will lead a confrontation or a discussion about the relationship with the part that you're doing imperfectly you know in other words you're willing to be fair of hey I made a mistake here but they don't do that and so like I said in a divorce you're like well let's split it 50/50 and they're trying to manipulate out well you owe me this because of that you know and so they take that sense of fairness that you have and use it against you and the primary way they do that is number two denial and projection and what this looks like and this is crazy making but they will explain away their lies and their deception as necessary or they downplay you know the that what they did isn't a big deal um they may even flat out deny that what they're doing is wrong or what they did is wrong you've again it's that crazy making experiences where you're like I could have swor warn you did that but in the conversation you're feeling like it's all being put back on you of what do you mean I wasn't even there and and so there's that complete denial of it or the projection of well that's just not true and it's just not that big of a deal why are you getting so upset about this this is about you like you shouldn't be this shouldn't even bug you you know a lot of these are kind of narcissistic traits but it doesn't have to rise to the level of narcissism even many people that are not narcissists will exhibit these manipulative behaviors and they'll deny and project and use your fairness against you and so pay attention do you have this sense that you bring up something in the relationship and they're not willing to take ownership of their side and then they either deny or project it on to you the third way or the third red flag to look out for and the way they will manipulate you is around your family they will try and separate you now this can happen in many different ways it can be overt like right in your face of I don't like your family and we're not spending time over there I'm not going there and if you go there we're not going to have you know what you know we're not going to have intimacy if you go see your mom I can't stand her um or your brother or you know they're bad people and so you're put in this double bind of I have to choose if I'm going to be in a relationship with you I have to give up my family and separate now let's let's be honest there are some families that it might be best that you separate from them okay but let's take that situation and put it to the side you know all families are crazy and chaotic and Perfectly Imperfect and you know look a lot like Christmas Vacation those old Bill Murray was it Bill Murray wasn't Bill Murray I forget his name but every family is crazy but let's put aside the really crazy ones someone who's manipulative won't accept the Perfectly Imperfect fun and crazy nature of your family and they will look to ostracize it either like I said overtly forcing you to choose or covertly little subtle hints and messages or they're dismissive they make dinner and they forget something it's these little Jabs these little barbs and and so you're constantly feeling this pressure whenever there's thought of being around the family including the family you feel a sense that you have to pick them over the family instead of being able to enjoy both at the same time all right number four this was this is really I think diabolical they remove your skepticism and what I mean by that is when you feel you can't ask them a question or you can't bring up a topic in the relationship ship that you're struggling with maybe it's a a need and want that you have um maybe there's something you saw and you'd like to have a discussion about and you are met with anger derision even ridicule at how dare you like you feel attacked for even considering it and asking for your need and want you know could be something simple like a hug or spend more time together you know all all these you know simple little things and you feel that sense that you're you that there somehow you're going to end up in trouble so do you notice in all four of these there's an underlying belief a gut feeling that something's off that's at the heart of the manipulative person you constantly feel on eggshells and you can't just Express Yourself s and that leads to number five the one that I don't think most people are aware of they play nice and what I mean is they say yes and so they do a lot of things for you but what they wanted is was to say no and here's the proof is this person throwing in your face all the things they do for you are they going well why won't you come with me I went to this for you I supported you over here I gave you that when you were tired I was intimate with you why won't you do this for me is there some sort of comparison in other words when they did these things for you are they now throwing them in your face this is at the Hallmark of a manipulative person it's a very codependent Dynamic and they the nice they kill you with their kindness and the killing part is that on the back end after they do all these wonderful things and you may be with someone who's always nice never yells and screams doesn't do any of these manipulative stuff you know these other more more over mean type things but this person is incredibly nice and sweet but they're always keeping score of all the things they did for you what that means is they're manipulating the heck out of you and this is the most prevalent way people manipulate they say yes to things that they want to say no and that's because our culture has convinced us that if you love something someone you do everything for them no matter what and that is an out andout lie it's abusive it's a complete mistreatment of somebody we can only do things for others as long as we don't keep score we don't throw it in their face that we did it for them and we don't Harbor resentment if any of those are at play it means we said yes to manipulate getting something in return and here's the key this is what you're looking for I did a b c and d for you and you won't even do why that's a manipulator they're extremely codependent they have learned to use yes and kindness to extract something in return that is not love that is not freely given is that showing up in your relationship that's the one most people Miss is people saying yes you using yes and neness to manipulate out the no so what's the solution to this well at the heart of this what's what's creating your attraction to this manipulative person is when you were a child and you got in trouble your connection was severed you were taught conditional love and this happens like when we put a child in timeout do you recognize what we're saying is you're so bad you no longer belong in the family family you go sit in the corner away from us there's a condition to you getting love you have to fit into this box and if you don't fit into this box we extricate you and that's why we fall for the manipulations because that's a complete separation that's an abandonment of us now instead instead of putting a child in time out it's it's teaching them Wai it do you recognize the consequence of your behavior a a more appropriate consequence wouldn't be ban punishment from the family it would be you know you didn't clean the bathroom so you know instead of you know banishing from the family it's well we're going to teach you how to clean the bathroom you know or you're going to clean the bathroom more often like that's an appropriate consequence not banishment and so that's why they fall for this so what's the solution

Channel: Kenny Weiss

Views: 2,116

Keywords: Kenny Weiss, your journey to success, Trauma recovery, worst day cycle, codependency, mental health, kenny weiss narcissist, self sabotage, self improvement, growth mindset, your journey to being yourself, emotional authenticity, emotional self help, kenny weiss youtube, kenny weiss life coach, unleash your emotional authenticity, sneaky things narcissists do, narcissist manipulation, narcissist manipulation tactics, 5 tricks narcissists use to manipulate you

Id: l0IwsbNYkQ4

Length: 9min 33sec (573 seconds)

Published: Wed May 08 2024