15 Ways You're Breaking Trust with Yourself

do you trust yourself do you have your own back are you there for yourself when you need it most self-trust is one of those things that we don't talk about really often we talk more about self-confidence and self-esteem but the root of both of those things of self-esteem and self-confidence is self-trust you cannot be confident or have healthy self-esteem without trusting yourself first it is the foundation of what those things are built on our relationship with ourself has to involve self-trust it doesn't just have to involve it it has to be the center of our relationship with ourselves has to be self-trust like any relationship if there is no trust it's hard to have a healthy relationship with another human being and it's the same thing for ourselves and so a lot of people don't know do i trust myself i don't know how do i know whether or not i trust myself whether or not this is something i really need to work on so today i want to talk to you about several signs that you don't trust yourself just little ways that this shows up in our everyday lives so that you can know if this is this is an area that you are going to want to really focus on and pay attention to and intentionally work on because like any relationship it is incredibly important if you're new here welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second introduce yourself in the comment section below and if you are back again say hello in the comment section either way my name is julia christina and i'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of my incredible membership community the shift society that you can get more information about in the description below this is where we are taking this work deeper so that we can have the key shifts that will create the big life transformations you can get more info below i help heart center go-getter people break through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every day and it's really hard to like yourself if you don't trust yourself so let's look at wow i think i have 15 15 signs we're not going to take a ton of time on them we're going to go through them one at a time and just take note of which ones really stand out for you and i'd love to also hear in the description in the comment section below which one of these put a light bulb on and made you going to realize that there were some things going on that you were treating yourself in certain ways or that you were showing up in life in certain ways or you were doing certain things that were actively depleting and maybe even damaging your relationship with yourself by not having that trust within yourself and the first sign that you don't trust yourself is that you have a hard time making decisions this has come up a lot has actually come up more in the shift society lately we've been talking about this about decision making and being stuck in decision paralysis and not knowing what to do and often this comes about because we don't trust ourselves right when we really don't know which decision decision to make it's not about necessarily doing the right or wrong thing it's about how we're going to treat ourselves how we're going to talk to ourselves regardless of the outcome so if we don't get the outcome we want are we going to catch ourselves or are we going to kick ourselves when we are down so this is why we struggle to make decisions because we do not trust how we are going to treat ourselves if the result isn't the one that we want it the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you don't acknowledge your own wants or needs for the for those of you who struggle with emotional fusion or people pleasing or codependence you're not actually respecting your own wants and needs and are making other people's more important than yours and this can be for a lot of reasons often it's because you don't think that you matter you don't matter as much or you think that the only way to get people to really love you and want to have you around is for you to default to them to do what they want to do all the time thereby fusing yourself to their wants and needs which then we end up losing ourselves and not even really knowing who we are it's really hard to trust someone who doesn't listen to us who doesn't acknowledge what's important to us the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you don't let yourself process your feelings often and you know all fairness we were never taught how to process our feelings most people were not taught it when i teach people how to process their feelings in the shift society a lot of people were like i had no idea how to do this how come nobody taught me how to do this it's not that hard but you need to know how to properly do it but for those of us who don't know how to process a feeling we don't let ourselves have our feelings because we're so scared of our feelings because we don't know what we are going to do to ourselves how we are going to talk to ourselves how we are going to treat ourselves how we are going to judge or criticize ourselves for having those feelings whether or not we are going to get stuck in sort of this downward spiral and not be able to get out of it and stay stuck in there way longer than we want to so we don't let ourselves have our feelings and don't let ourselves be with our feelings the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you second guess yourself often that you'll make a decision and then go back on it and that you will do something and then doubt it that you won't just sort of let yourself do something and go with it and trust that you will be able to deal with whatever happens back to this thing about making decisions again we second-guess ourselves because we're not sure how we're going to treat ourselves if we don't get the outcome that we want to if things don't go the way that we want them to then we're worried about how we're going to treat ourselves because we don't trust that we are going to catch ourselves instead of kick ourselves when we're down the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you don't believe in your inherent worth and i've heard this from so many of you that are like i'm not good enough i'm not worthy enough i don't have what it takes and i've talked about this here before and i love because i love brene brown's work and i love the way that she talks about our worth and says she says that there's no way to prove your worth which means there's also no way to disprove your worth the only thing that makes you worthy is the fact that you were born you are here you wouldn't be here if you weren't supposed to be here so if you are here you are worthy and then yes we go through things in our lives and we experience things pain and hurt and trauma and things that take away from that sense of self-worth and we think someone else's actions towards us someone else else's hurtful or harmful actions towards us make it mean that we are not worth something but their actions have nothing to do with our worth their actions have to do with their own pain and their own struggle with their own sense of worth i know it's a hard one to wrap our heads around but it is so simple you know that you are worthy only because you were born the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you discount your own value same with that not um being able to believe in your worth that you discount the value and maybe this one is a little bit more external where you discount the value you bring to your job to your relationships to your family to the work that you're doing in the world what you're contributing that you discount your value and for my overachievers and over functioners which are going to be talking about over functioning in another video but you never let yourself acknowledge your value my perfectionists are in this category too right nothing is ever good enough i've heard people say often that they're like oh no no i'm not a perfectionist because nothing i ever do is good enough and that my friends is the perfectionist theme song that's how you know you are a perfectionist because nothing you do is ever good enough you're always trying to achieve something and it's never quite right i'm a recovering perfectionist and so i get that but not allowing yourself to believe in the value that you bring it's really hard to trust someone who doesn't acknowledge the value that we bring and is able to just let us sit in that without having to be the best in the world or to blow everyone's mind no matter what we do or what we say when we open our mouth that that's not a prerequisite for being valuable so many of us we bring value to our families to our children's lives to our partners lives just for being who we are by being loving and wanting to connect and being there for them we don't have to do these big world like monumental world-changing things to have value the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you beat yourself up for your mistakes it's okay to be disappointed when you make a mistake right we're not gonna be like oh i totally screwed that up oh well it's all good right like it's okay to not feel great when you make a mistake and be able to say wow not my finest move not the best thing ever but what am i going to learn from this what am i how am i going to grow from this what i want to do differently next time but sitting in our own kind of self-flagellation and beating ourselves up it actually doesn't do anything except for make us feel terrible and it's really again hard to trust someone who beats us up with their words and makes us says things that are not the most uplifting and supportive when crap hits the fan the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you downplay your successes now i'm not saying for those of you who are kind of more heart-centered highly sensitive empathic people you're not the type of people to just like walk around and be like i'm so great i'm god's gift to humanity right it's not i'm not asking you to do that because that's going to make you terribly uncomfortable but just being able to stand in your successes this isn't about saying i'm so great but this is about saying i'm proud of me good for me i worked hard at that i put effort into that i did the steps i showed up and i'm proud of myself so often those of you again who are perfectionists overachievers high functioners you might kind of work really hard to get to a success and then you like you notice that you're like great that happened now you're on to the next thing instead of actually taking a second to recognize and realize what you've done and what you've overcome own your successes let yourself sit in that for a hot second it's gonna be really hard to have a good trusting relationship with someone when we're like hey i just did this thing and i just worked really hard and and i got this outcome or this this came about or this this happened and this goal was reached the person's like yeah whatever okay what's next what else you got it's gonna be really hard the next sign that you don't trust yourself is that you often overthink what the right thing is to do and this can show up in really simple ways even just within writing an email what's the right way to word this how am i going to make sure that this is coming across the exact way that i want it to come across and essentially what we're doing with that is we're trying to control other people's thoughts by overly editing ourselves by overly thinking what the right thing to do or say is maybe even it comes up when you're at work or when you're at social gatherings you're like what's the right thing to say how am i going to make sure that i don't say something stupid or silly or give something you know say something the wrong way that someone's going to judge me for always thinking what's the right thing the right way to be the right thing to do and again we're trying to control other people we're trying to control outcomes because we're afraid that if something doesn't go the way that we want it to we don't get the outcome we want we are going to be terrible to ourselves this is about self trust have you ever thought about it this before a lot of these how much these a lot of these things that we do are rooted in our lack of self-trust because we don't trust that we're going to be there for ourselves the next sign that you don't trust yourself is similar to what we just talked about is you overly ruminate about things that you've said or done so the the one before was about wanting to make sure you said the right you say the right thing and then the next one is about replaying things that you did or said wondering you know did i say that right what are they thinking what if what if they didn't take that the way that i was expecting or that i was hoping they would anticipating they would right what if it turns out like this what if i made the wrong decision what if it doesn't go right like we'd spend all of this time ruminating and also often even bordering on obsessing about things in the past that we did or said the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you try to too much to control your environment you try too much to make things a certain way whether it's you know physically your home environment you're trying to control everything within the home um you're trying to control your surroundings you're trying to control your situation you're trying to control your environment you're trying to control your interactions you're trying to control your relationships you're trying to control what you do at work and how much you do at work and trying to like get your hand keep your hands in everything and take all of the control and wanting to just have that control to make things be a certain way so that you can feel okay because you don't trust yourself that you will be good to yourself if things or your surroundings or people or your work performance isn't at this blow them out of the water standard so trying too hard to control things around you and it's also when it comes to trying to control people around us is because we are afraid that if they reject us or if they leave us or if they treat us in a way that we don't want to be treated that it's going to mean something about us that we're not good enough that we're not lovable enough that we are unworthy so we try to control people which is a little bit ironic because the more we try to control people the more it pushes them away and the more it becomes that self-fulfilling prophecy that this you know i'm unworthy of love because when we control people often they will resist they'll move away and then they will be further from us and then we'll say see everyone leaves me no one loves me everyone you know people can't stand me they i'm too much right but then we have created that for ourselves because we don't actually trust that just who we are without doing all of the controlling is enough the next sign that you don't trust yourself is that you're really hard on yourself oh i get this one i used to be so hard on myself most things that i did were never good enough and i would beat myself up i should have done it more this way i should have said it more like that i should have acted more like that i should have done more i should have whatever that was it was always this i should have i'm really hard on myself it's it's just never quite good enough and this is again for my perfectionists who we are scared to be our vulnerable selves we are scared that showing up as our perfectly imperfect selves that there's something wrong with that there's something not good enough about that and so we beat ourselves up the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you have no problem breaking promises to yourself how often would we do this where we would never break a promise to someone else but when it comes to committing to something for ourselves we have no problem breaking that promise we have no problem just saying oh well get to that later oh i'm not it's not that important i can do it later and i can or i can start tomorrow we're saying no no we're not saying it's not that important we're saying i'm not that important the next sign that you don't trust yourself is you um pass off decisions to others more often than not when you're out at a restaurant you or when you're even just deciding on going to a restaurant you're always defaulting to someone else you're always letting other people make those decisions well i don't know you decide and it's it's one thing to kind of compromise and to do a little bit of back and forth but it's another thing to default to other people a lot of the time if not most of the time or even when it comes to life decisions i don't know what do you think i would do and that's different than just getting feedback and opinions where we can feel that like i need permission from someone else i need someone else to make this decision for me because i don't trust that if i make my own decision and it doesn't go the way that i expect it to that i'm not going to be terrible to myself so at least if somebody else makes the decision then i'm not to blame but what if i still didn't have to be to blame if the decision didn't go if the thing that i did the decision that i made didn't go the way that i was expecting what if i still didn't have to blame myself the next sign that you don't trust yourself is that you believe that other people's opinion of you is more important than your own and this is a big one this is a big one for a lot of us we are believing other people's thoughts ideas opinions criticisms judgments of us more than we are taking the time to really connect with who we are to believe in who we are to know who we are we've been spending a lot of time in the shift society this this this past couple months developing our relationship with ourselves knowing who we are and learning how to build that self-trust from deep within because of how essential it is for just how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about ourselves is going to show up is going to is going to influence how we are showing up in our lives the decisions that we are making the things that we are doing the experiences we are having the relationships we are engaging with having those things in healthy ways are going to be dictated by our relationship with ourselves which is rooted in the trust that we have for ourselves get on the waitlist for the shift society the description or the link for that is in the description below and i also have in the meantime while you're waiting to get into the shift society you can get a download in the description below as well that's the steps to building self-trust so i'm going to walk you through those steps to start building that self-trust while you're waiting to get into the shift society so make sure that you grab that let me know which one of these was a hard but important truth which one of these helped wake you up a little bit and helped you realize that you deserve better from you that you deserve to build a trusting relationship with you it's not just going to happen on its own so let me know in the comment section below which one of these really connected with you where you're like yep julia i'm going to commit to working on that one like the video share it out subscribe to the channel if you haven't already and until next time please take good care you

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 28,019

Keywords: trust, self-trust, trusting yourself, how to trust yourself, trusting yourself again, self-trust and confidence, 15 signs you don't trust yourself, how to trust myself, building self-esteem, building trust, how to trust yourself again, how to trust yourself more, what is self-trust, do I trust myself, can I trust myself, believe in yourself, psych2go self trust, how to believe in yourself, believe in yourself more, improvement pill confidence

Id: K90_uOatRwA

Length: 20min 51sec (1251 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 11 2020