- Welcome back, everybody. Ladies, I'd like for
you to listen real good to what I'm about to say. You listening? - [Audience] Yes. - Please, stop. Stop ignoring the red
flags in your relationship and thinking you can change a man. (audience cheers and claps) I think a lot of times, ladies, you don't give yourself enough credit for exactly how smart you really are and how on point your
women's intuition really is. Your intuition works. Use it. So this is what I did. I brought back my friend and founder of Smart Dating Academy, my buddy Bela Gandhi,
(audience claps) who's gonna help us get
to the bottom of this. All right, great to have you back, Bela. Welcome to the show. All right, now, I recently heard from a woman who said she needed help with identifying red flags and knowing when to walk away. Let's say hello to Grace. - Hi.
(audience claps) - Okay, Grace, let me ask you this. When was your last relationship
and why did it end? - My last relationship
was about five years ago and it ended because he was
emotionally unavailable. And I've been so terrified to
jump into another relationship because I don't wanna deal
with the same thing, so- - What does emotionally unavailable mean? - He's like, I just wanna be
casual and go with the flow. And I'm like, "I can
help, I can change that, I can help you, and I can"- - Oh, really? - So women say this all the time that they can't help who
they're attracted to. But remember, we can, that change starts with us. And you figure that out by making a list of what you want your dream guy to possess to make you happy. - What traits do you want
an ideal man to have? - I want someone who's, I like six foot, I like tall and I do like spiritual. I am spiritual. Driven, ambitious, funny, humorous, so, so big to me. And they have a little edge to them, a little badness to them. - A little badness?
- A little bad, but not too much bad. - [Bela] Hmm. (audience and Bela laugh)
- Oh, oh no! (laughs) No!
- Women just go, "Who the hell is that?"
(audience laughs) Have any of your ex-boyfriends
been this six foot tall, spiritual, fun, very humorous person, that's bad? (audience laughs)
- No, no, they, (chuckles), no, they've all had that
little edge of the past, just, but not anything else. - They've just been bad.
- Bad, it's a little, just a little bad.
(audience and Grace laugh) Mom and dad, I'm sorry.
- So you just need a man to check off one thing on your list? - (laughs) No, no!
(audience claps) That's why I'm here. - Bad boys are bad. Here's why so many women think that they're a magnet for bad men. Okay, let's look at our
red flag number one. (alarm buzzing) You get the guy who's
successful, and tall, and bad, which is what you want, but it's not what you actually need to find long-term happiness, right? If he doesn't meet your big must haves, like for example, committing
to you and only you, being emotionally available. Whatever your have to haves are, if he doesn't meet those,
throw him back to the pond. (audience cheering and clapping) I can tell you with certainty, that a great partner for you is kind, loyal, generous, and he makes you feel safe. He makes you...
(audience claps) He makes you his priority and he takes the butterflies
out of your stomach, which is why feeling butterflies
is red flag number two. (alarm buzzing) Ladies, I'm telling you, those butterflies are your
body telling you to run. Run, okay?
(audience and Steve laugh) Listen, heavy butterflies in your stomach, especially after the first date, probably mean that your
gut, your intuition, is telling you that something is wrong. And unfortunately, we human beings, we often mistake fear for excitement. - Wow, wow.
- So if your stomach is flipping over and churning, it probably means that your
gut is saying fear, anxiety, there's danger ahead, and you should hightail out of there. (audience clapping) - [Grace] (chuckles) Yes. - So I mean, has that
ever happened to you? Like you meet a guy and you go, "Oh." And you feel jittery? - Absolutely and I just, I feel like this excitement, I'm just like, "Oh, this is great, this is it, this could be it." - Yeah.
(audience chuckles) I mean that's probably infatuation. When you meet a person, you can't go, "This could be it." Because ladies, then you
let your heart take over, and you stop thinking. Once your heart get
involved, y'all in trouble. Because if a man says something,
you just wanna believe it. "So what are your plans?" "One day I wanna have a family. I like to have some kids. I wanna build a home
somewhere in the mountains." And you go, "Oh my God, he wants a family, he wants to build a
house in the mountains. Me too!"
(all laugh) - [Grace] Yes.
- And all that's wonderful. The only problem is, he ain't say he wanted to
do none of that with you. (all laugh) He didn't mention your name.
(audience claps) - [Grace] No.
- Not N time. And now you have the
problem that we always have. Where do you wanna go from here? - Here's red flag number three. (alarm buzzing) If you go out on a
first date with someone, who then immediately wants
to see you the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and he is blowing up your
phone talking about the future, here's the problem. You may not be dealing with a man who is actually head over heels for you. You might just be dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable
or worse, narcissistic. Most of the time someone who
comes on too fast and furious will probably flame out just as quickly. (audience clapping) - Yeah. Yeah. - On the first several dates, keep the date to about 90 minutes. And if you're having that
great of a time, great. It means you'll both be looking forward to the next date even more because you've left wanting more. - Right.
(audience clapping) What are you thinking
when you hear that, Grace? - I'm thinking recently, I've been on a date that lasted six hours. (audience gasps)
- [Bela] Mm. - And we were talking and having fun, and drinking and laughing, and fast forward to months now, and it's on his term, it's dodgy. He texts me when he wants to text me and- - Well, but you know, what
Bela's saying is true. You gotta be careful about a guy that comes on with everything. He can't keep that pace up, ladies. In 90 days, he'll show you who he is. (audience clapping) That leads me to the fourth red flag. What do you got? - The fourth red flag is related to something
you just mentioned earlier. Dodgy.
(alarm buzzing) The word is inconsistency. If a man goes from
texting you all the time, taking you out consistently, calling you, but suddenly he's now too busy, right? He doesn't call you, he
doesn't text you as much, he doesn't take you out as much. His feelings have changed. Nobody is too busy to call or to see someone.
(Steve chuckles) - Nobody.
- Ever, right? (audience clapping)
If they like you, they will find a way to be with you.
- Man. - They say a man that wants to be with you will move mountains to be with you.
- Man. - And like I said earlier,
a good partner is reliable. So if he shows you otherwise and doesn't pull it together, even after you've
communicated this to him, it's time to cut bait, throw him back to the pond, and move on. (audience clapping) - Wow, you ain't been doing
none of this have you? (audience laughs) I can tell about where you, "Oh my God."
- [Grace] No. (audience laughs) - [Bela] I gotta go.
- No. - I haven't done any this, this is horrible.
(Bela and Grace laugh) - [Bela] She's like-
- I gotta go back to school. (audience and Grace laugh)
- Yeah. All right Bela, we got time for one more. What's the last red flag? - So many people don't pay attention to how their date phrases things and talks about certain things. So here's number five. (alarm buzzing) He's negative. When a man leads and he tells you with
what he's not looking for, or what he's not attracted to, again, he is telling you and showing
you exactly who he is. A negative person, maybe also an angry person who hasn't worked on himself-
- [Steve] Mm. - Or his past relationship issues. (audience clapping) - So Grace, how are you feeling
after hearing all of this? Can you spot red flags? - I absolutely think I can. I think that you are extremely wise, and I need to concrete and tattoo that, all of this information in my head. And I think the 90-minute date is a plus. I mean, it's something I really
need to stick with as well and even have a great time.
- You know, I never thought of that, but it's really kinda slick, though. You ought to have a guy thirsty. (audience chuckles) You ought to have a guy
looking for you in the daytime with a flashlight. Do that right there.
(all cheers and claps) - [Grace] That's good. - Do that. (audience clapping continues) Do that and see what happens. I'm telling you man, I'm telling you. Man, when that man finally gets you, he gonna treat it all
together different, man. That's just how it works. Grace, thank you for being here. (audience cheers and claps)
- Thank you so much. - Thank you for being open with us.
- Thank you so much. (audience claps)
- And give it up for Dating Coach Bela Gandhi, everybody. Hey, you made it to the end of this video. I got a lot more that
you're going to enjoy. So just click to watch the next one. And make sure you subscribe to
always know what's happening.
