How To Stop A Bully Immediately

amazon's the boys is full of personalities that are fun to watch but would be terrible to encounter in real life i'm the homelander and i can do whatever i want superpowers aside we've all encountered this type tough guy bullies who try to push you around make you feel uncomfortable or get you to agree to something that you don't really want so that's why in this video we are going to cover five psychological tricks bullies use to control you and what you can do instead to avoid them and stop those bullies in their tracks now since we're mainly using billy butcher and homelander as examples of these tough guys there are going to be some light spoilers through season 1 of the boys you've been warned first off one thing that you might encounter from a bully is mismatching friendly gestures with domineering physicality so on the surface they may be greeting you with a friendly handshake but really they're crushing your hand in a death vice the same thing can occur when they get uncomfortably close to make a point or touch you in a way that is fake friendly as homelander often does and i trust we never have to have this conversation again now homelander and billy butcher are clearly imposing individuals but in real life this kind of touch is usually more ambiguous perhaps it's a bully tactic or maybe it's not intended that way so rather than calling out these types of touches or shrinking away the best response in real life is to mirror with positive intentions so someone throws their arm on your shoulder throw your arm on their shoulder with as much warmth as you can muster the friendliness that you display makes it hard for someone to continue touching you in an uncomfortable way especially since you're doing everything that they do back now the second bullying tactic is one that you see in sales situations quite often and it has two elements that often come as a one-two punch first someone will put you in a highly emotional state before asking you to make a big decision butcher is a huge fan of this when it comes to getting huey to do what he wants stoking his anger and his fears you're laughing she's a joke so what are you gonna do about it so unless you want to explain why you got america's favorite invisible wanker dead on the floor give us now in your life people will play to these same emotions as well as dreams for the future as you've probably seen in a million ads now there's nothing wrong with an emotional appeal in and of itself but this enters into manipulative territory when emotional appeals are combined with extreme scarcity like when someone gives you only seconds to make an important decision and butcher knows the power of this to get people to make ras decisions as you can see here listen i think this is good i'm good this is your one and only mate once i go i'm gone this technique of using high emotional stakes combined with only a few moments to decide is a favorite of salespeople all over the world and if you fall for it you will make many purchases that you regret over the course of your life so the simple rule is this 24 hours said another way never make a big decision without having a night to sleep on it if you're at a presentation and there is a table rush scenario with limited copies of a book or a course to buy do not join in the stampede if you receive an exploding job offer but they need to know this second if you're gonna take it pass unless they'll wait until tomorrow and if you're pushed further you can just say sorry i have a policy to never make a big decision without at least a night to sleep on it and to be crystal clear any decision that won't matter in a week should still be made as quickly as possible with no second guessing you want to save that deliberation for those big decisions now the third bully tactic is one of the most common it's one of butcher's favorites and it can leave you stammering locked in your head wondering how to respond and i'm talking about the insult this is like a scene in the matrix now he could take the [ __ ] red pill right spend the rest of your life jacking off crying into your chai tea green lady what the take the other pill equipping a kid which pill that you want me to take just quit being a that's what i'm saying now i did a whole video on how to handle insults which i think you should check out since they come in all kinds of flavors and varieties several of which are covered there but butcher tends towards unambiguously disrespectful name-calling that's his favorite i'll tell you who you are [ __ ] [ __ ] in the event someone is this directly insulting to you plan a is normally to remove them from your life but if you want or need to continue to interact with this person the most powerful response is actually not to try to one-up them or be clever and i know you've probably sat in your car and it can feel really good to imagine what you would have said but saying that clever thing just encourages an arms race of ever more clever insults if you really want to end the insults once and for all instead say this where i come from that is really disrespectful don't ever call me that again and then say nothing if the other person makes excuses don't address them if they say that you're overreacting take it easy again just don't address it wait until they apologize then you can forgive them and move on and by the way if it's a friend who's doing this and you think that they might have positive intentions they're just being sarcastic it's best to do this more softly and privately so that they can save face now fourth for the fourth bully tactic i want to move into mindset since there's no exact set of words that's going to be sufficient for every situation and for this one i'm talking about people who make demands with personal threats attached butcher for instance likes to pair these with threats of physical intimidation like here look i don't want to come here but i need your help and you're gonna [ __ ] help in butcher's case the threat is often implied to be physical but some demands in the real world are less explicit for instance in social circles common threats are that if you don't comply you'll be kicked out of the group in the workplace it's that you'll lose your job if you don't do what the boss says i'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on sunday too okay and of course the truth is some of those threats will be real at different points in your life if you ignore your boss's demands for long enough you will be out of a job so if you feel like you're being pushed around either by a physical bully in a friend group or at work and you want it to stop the only long-term strategy is to find a way to accept the consequences of saying no which means that you might benefit from starting to learn jiu-jitsu now to defend yourself or diversifying your friend group so that you feel less reliant on ones who might be mean to you or of course you could develop financial options like a side hustle so that you can risk saying no to a pushy boss if you do this the paradox is that you will rarely need to fall back on these options once you have them bullies generally sense those people that don't feel comfortable saying no and are hardest on them they find them to pick on the most i've seen this to be the case everywhere from the schoolyard to the workplace and there is one subtle variation of this that can make certain demands even harder to resist even if you do have options and its demands where someone that you care about is threatening you with their own harm or their own sadness you can see this here in a scene with starlight's mom who manipulates her emotionally throughout the series please all my friends are going to be watching on tv see it again here with butcher when he feels like he's out of options he truly tries every tough guy trick in the book did i mention this is life or death if you have a loved one who consistently makes demands with their own well-being hanging in the balance recognize that no one is made whole or happy when they outsource emotional control of their life so playing into that pattern doesn't even help them in the long run additionally caring about someone does not mean that you must say yes all the time so to break out of this pattern practice saying things like i love you but i'm not going to do that you might even add here's what i can do instead if there is something that you're truly willing and capable of giving now this will definitely create discomfort but in the long run those boundaries are what make for healthy relationships now all of these tips work excellently but they are hugely enhanced by having deep authentic confidence and if you want to learn more about developing authentic confidence for yourself so that these tips become more second nature to you you might be interested in our course emotional mastery emotional mastery is a 24 day program that is designed to help you master your emotions and your subconscious beliefs so that you're consistently feeling better than you might think is possible right now the goal of the course is to raise the baseline level of joy that you experience on a day-to-day basis which naturally spills over into boosted confidence the way that it works is by focusing first and foremost on your relationship with yourself that means exercises that get you in touch with feelings that you may have been repressing for a long time so that you can actually get to the root cause of those times where you're controlled by the fear of rejection or failure or conflict and then put an end to them now if you're a fan of the self-esteem or the deeper level confidence topics that i cover on the channel i would definitely recommend checking out emotional mastery because it is the most foundational thing that i have to get those areas of your life locked down so if you are intrigued and you want to know more the best way you can do that is to check out the course directly with the link below and you can do that knowing that it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee there's no hoops to jump through if you're not totally satisfied with the course you just let us know and we'll give you your full money back but i do hope that you check it out because this course addresses how to live with more joy and how to be less controlled by some of the negative emotions that limit so many of us so if you're interested and you think you might like to join go ahead click the link below i hope to see you on the inside but either way i hope that you enjoyed this video and i will see you in the next one you

Channel: Charisma on Command

Views: 617,116

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Keywords: charisma on command, charismaoncommand, coc, charlie houpert, charisma, how to deal with a bully, how to deal with bullies, how to stop a bully, charisma on command conversation, how to get respect, how to make people respect you, the boys, amazon the boys, the boys season 2, billy butcher, homelander, the boys homelander, the boys butcher, billy butcher charisma on command, how to stand up for yourself, billy butcher funny moments

Id: RS74828r7eU

Length: 9min 51sec (591 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 07 2020