How To Stop A Bully (Straight From A Bullying Expert!)

hi my name is Johnny Shannon I grew up in a place called South Auckland New Zealand I had a pretty heavy childhood a lot of a lot of people in my family poor neighbourhood I went to a school and got picked on and for a bunch of different things I think I got picked on because there is a lot of things about me that were easy to pick on a child about I had a massive mole on the side of my face right here my nickname growing up was Mole Man as the signature was kid in my entire school which didn't matter too much but when my brothers were very tall so had five brothers they're all a lot taller than I am I had very bad acne growing up and big glasses back in the day when like glasses weren't cool these days people wear glasses even that they don't need them and also chronic dyslexia about to say the word wrong kind of dyslexia and if you don't want to sleep here it's when you get your words back to front or around the wrong way so even to this day I've got the reading ability of a better living or 12 year old I find extremely hard to read and write often get words phrases numbers run the wrong way I have a PA a full-time PA that just that's all that sort of work for me and so growing up I had these things about me yep the best way to describe it will probably be I don't know if you'd be ahead like a friend who has like a bruise on their arm before and for some reason it's hilarious to poke it you know to see the reaction and I think it's funny like if you think about the actual concept it's ridiculous like they're your friend and you're physically hurting them but I think the reason we do that growing up is because you don't have a lot of energy output just the small poke but you see this massive energy output and reaction and it makes you feel strong you know one little thing and you see this huge blow up and if you think about what a bruises or bruises a sensitive skin now I wasn't sensitive physically but I was very sensitive mentally in a whole bunch of different areas and so if someone poked fun of one of those areas or called me a nickname like short stuff like Mole Man acne face like ugly stupid arm like if someone said one of these things I just went crazy and I'd react I'd react physically and I got asked to move on from one school I went to another school got expelled from that school and went to another school and it wasn't until my last year of high school where a counselor got me aside and said why do you think this is happening and I had a very victim mentality I was like it's everyone else's fault no one should be picking on me this is ridiculous but she got me aside and said Johnny I know a lot of people who have worse disabilities than you and they never get picked on maybe the reason you get picked on it's because you're hypersensitive and I was like not not reacted and you know I think you are and she did one of the things that changed my life it's the biggest reason I do what I do was speaking to young people biggest reason biggest level up to how she helped me in life which is she got a piece of paper out and she said I want you to write down the ten things that you're insecure about in life the ten biggest things that you get picked on that you insecure about I was like ten things like I could probably write a hundred I mean I've had a paper I could have write down fifty right now but she's another 16 things and she wrote a line in the paper and she said at the top left I want you to write down things I can change and on the top right she wrote down things I can't change but I need to change my mind about and so I wrote all these things down and one by one once was finished she goes give me the pad she goes what's the first thing it said it's my mom my face she goes Johnny there's something you can change when you get older you can get that cut out if you want to and I did I was in New Zealand and the government actually said look it could be characteris I actually had 36 moss removed from my body including one right here completely free and the funny thing was it healed up so fast that I actually got home and my own brothers Dean and recognise it was gone it was like the biggest issue in my entire life and my own brothers didn't realize it was gone I realized at that moment that I was getting picked on stuff because I was sensitive I thought was an issue nan could even realize it was gone because what's the next one I said I was my big glasses she goes Johnny when you get older you can get contacts if you want to there's something you can do when you're older and when I left high school I joined the New Zealand military yes New Zealand has a military when they got there they actually pay for my laser eye surgery her perfect 20/20 vision now in and out of surgery in less than two hours one one day of relapse and you're good to go perfect where vision she just give me another one this is getting easy said ah I know I got pretty bad acne and I was pretty insecure about it look I know a lot of kids have a lot of people have it in general but she said Johnny this to do with an opener face inflation of oil and your bloodstream it's bad now but when you get old it's gonna act like a natural moisturizer and actually help you look younger as you get older and so I just put that aside and then she went the Knicks won like hey what's another thing guess what about our I'm short because Johnny did you realize that people that are short on average Google this of you're at home watching Matt's she said sure people are on average live six to eight years longer than tall people now nothing physically changed about me but when she told me this I remember walking home knocking on my door you know opening my door my younger brother opened the door and he's like 6 foot 2 he's a lot bigger than me he opens the door he's a shame by you so short I was like you're gonna die now didn't ya but it just changed my mental mindset of this idea of going man before I super insecure about being short and now I'm just like that's that's okay like hey look if I could change things around what I may be but when you start breaking down going people live longer but that's okay you're matching up the negative with the positive and you're helping the truth and you're helping secure your insecurities look I could go on this all day but I'll finish on this last one which is she went through my dyslexia um I said to her look there's probably those thing that I find the hardest it's the biggest reason that I've been expelled and all the rest of it is because I just found school extremely difficult I was failing everything all the time I felt stupid I felt dumb I literally had a teacher one time say at assembly she got me up and told me to spell the word bus and I spell to be su and the whole crowd erupted and that's like one of my earliest memories of just walking home crying thinking I was crazy I thought I was insane no one would tell me like how this came about and had all this baggage and she was just like Johnny like Sohni people have to Slick's here you know some of the greatest minds live Richard Branson like Albert Einstein like some of the people she was quoting she listed like 20 but so many people she was quite I knew of I've heard the names of and she said did you know the people that can't read very well often and mainly dyslexic people the kind of read and write very well they're often a lot better at verbal communication because it's their only communication outlet it's the only way of communicating so it's almost like when people go blind they're there the ears and everything everything spikes up like actually their senses their other senses actually increased and it's very much the same with dyslexic so you can't read or write we often give verbal communication and so now I do over 15 one-hour talks are the university talks that sometimes 3 hours straight and most my talks they don't have any text on them because I don't want to be like that person to I'd only be a good speaker that makes someone to read something often they're emojis or the pictures that I speak to and I've never needed notes I'm just like I'll throw that picture up I'll get it image in my mind and I'll describe that image and that really helped me but the thing that got me there was her saying you might not be good at this but maybe you're good at verbal communication maybe during the debating team or the speech team and I did it and it became one of the first things ever semi it was still hard but semi came naturally to me and that set me up for a win and there was one exercise given mine I went to her about bullying not once that sue means from bullying the entire time she said I'm gonna help you become secure in your insecurities and the very end of that half an hour session there's a half now by the way life-changing she said if you can become secure in your insecurities no one else can use those insecurities against you and that's it knee up I think full life I went on and look the bullying didn't stop but this is a brand new school next day at school I got bullied about the same thing someone head over heart said get out of the way mom and when I was on a lunch line like they saved my old nickname this school isn't over an hour's drive away from my last school I still got picked on for the exact same stuff however so ask me about my mom I thought it myself goes into here instead of reacting I'm gonna cut that out next year or the year after when I finished school someone has to me about my glasses you know what I'll get contacts in the future someone houses me about being short you know what I'm gonna live longer than you breaking it down and so that's a real way to build security is you you list your insecurities you say can I change them if you can change them that's great but if you can't change the way you think about them why because you're probably gonna have those insecurities a lot of us for the rest of your life so you might as well deal with them as early as possible those things are gonna be the things that set you up for life and interesting enough I got to work with this guy called Brooks curbs and communications with him back and forth and he found out that a huge percentage of bullying it's like 90 plus percent of bullying stops if you don't react to the aggressor or the bullier three times in a row if you don't react to a bully's three times in a row there's over an absent chance the bullying will stop but how do you not react to them this is my point is you don't reacting because you become securing your insecurities you're okay with it yeah you're sure I know no man I do have them hold my face you know dyslexic dumb stupid yeah I'm not the smartest every single topic but there's a couple other things I'm good at you get those truth coaches in your mind that's when you start becoming unstoppable you can start laughing at yourself having a good time about it laughing with friends and your world opens up you become very secure you become a person that people want to hang out with because people don't to hang out with perfect people people might hang out with imperfect people that are secure in themselves and who they are if you're going through bullying number one I feel for you because not only did I get bullied but I bullied others at the end of the day hurting people hurt people when you get hurt that pain it is going to come out through two ways either one you're going to talk it out in a healthy way and get rid of it or two you're going to act it out and that's what most ends up happening so I feel sorry for you if you do get bullied however there is like three ways you can get through this that have been proven to work that I go up and down Australia New Zealand er and yeah Australia New Zealand and America speaking about this number one become secure in your insecurities figure out what are the things you get hassled for and why and figure out is this something I can do about it a lot of bullying a lot of bullying is not bullying alright bullying by the definition is targeted ongoing aggressive behavior sometimes people get hassled and they think it's blowing it's like no you annoyed that other person like you're completely at fault that person reacted they were not targeting you out for no reason all right repeated they're hassling you more than once it's not a it's not a one-off time right there they're online all the time they're targeting you they're hassling you repeatedly and the next thing is don't react when you react you're fueling the flames you're building you're like feeding the bully you like tell them like oh that's that's fun like it's like if your friend out of Bruges on the shoulder in your poke and you see a reaction that's funny you see a massive reaction if you're poking a friend who has a bruise on their shoulder and nothing happens after a while you're the weird person poking somebody like and it's the same in schools it's the same online I've seen it time and time again when people don't respond to someone they just stay in the back of mine I'm not gonna respond to this person three times in a row and if anything if they say something worst case no I'm gonna say something I'm gonna be very passive and nice about it hey you look ugly fair enough man everyone has their difference in opinion I think beauty is the most subjective thing in the entire world like bad bet that de-escalates a problem but what I found at schools and online if you don't say anything three times in a row usually usually bystanders or other people on that chat will generally jump on and be like what are you up to like the guy's not reacting it went from a one-off that was sort of funny joke that a lot of people can jump on to now you're just antagonizing this person that's not fighting back so if you can figure out had not to react honestly your soul that might have seen the problem however number two if that does continue that's when you need to talk to someone about it look if you want Australia you're you've done well because we've got the things like a safety commissioner here in Australia if you can show that someone's has to do three times in a row you take a screenshot you send it into a safety gov au will follow up on that bullying all right so that's a great process to have if you're in another country more than likely if Evans three times in a row you need to take a screenshot you send it in to a local authority technically it is illegal for someone to continually antagonize you for no reason you

Channel: Strong Mind Strong Life

Views: 170,835

Rating: 4.9297314 out of 5

Keywords: bullies, bullying, bullying expert, how to defeat a bully, how to deal with bullies, Johnny shannon, speaker on bullying, bullying speaker, motivation bullying, motivational video bullies, motivational speech bullied, when you get bullied, insecurities, how to deal with insecurities, how to stop a bully, how to stop bullying, stop bullying

Id: -GR68Dcsc4s

Length: 13min 50sec (830 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 27 2020