How To Respond Wisely When A Narcissist Discards You

we've received quite a bit of interest in my free to be workshop so to that effect beneath this video is a link that will give you a description for the workshop and we've also included a special discount so if that's something you would be interested in i would invite you to click that link and i hope that you would find the course to be quite beneficial i'm going to begin today with a news flash for you and that is narcissists approach relationships and specifically you with one primary question in mind and that is how am i going to get you to feed my ego needs you see that's called narcissistic supply by the way narcissists approach their relationships much in the same way as an addict approaches life narcissists are addicted to many different things and here's where you come in they're addicted to your praise of them they're addicted to admiration it's like oh i have to have that in order for me to be okay they're addicted to the seat of honor that's something i've really got to have as well they're predicting they're addicted to being the most significant person in the room they're addicted to your deference to them they're addicted to a mood of enhancement what can you do to make me feel wonderful right now they're addicted to winning they're addicted to your service toward them they're addicted to their own need to be right and correct and they want you to shake your head a whole lot when they pronounce their declarations they're addicted to anger and all of the power that it feeds them and so you're going to see that at some point they're addicted to control they're addicted to attention these are things that they need and they will keep going back to over and over and part of the definition of addiction is you have to have more and more of that substance in order to to appease the one who needs it in other words they build up a tolerance for a little amount so they have to have even more to get them their satisfied result now let's understand that these strong ego needs that they have and and the way that they approach you with them uh imply one huge thing and that is that they have nothing on the inside to draw upon these are empty and insecure people and they operate on the notion that says feed me now as they engage with you there are at least six fatal assumptions that they make about the role that you have in your life towards them and just about who you are in general let me run through these real quickly and as as you understand these kinds of assumptions they make about you then it helps you understand more thoroughly why they go into the to the rages and the anger that they do once they decide that they're going to discard you but one of the assumptions they make is that you can and should be controlled they select you and it's like okay i think this is somebody that i can have a pretty good control over that's your role and i and this is something that you need to understand i'm good at controlling people get inside my agenda a second they also operate on the assumption that your opinions are not legitimate nor are they needed the only thing that's needed is what you can give to them which is kind of interesting because they want you so badly but not for you being you but for what you're going to do for them or a third assumption they make about you is your separate preferences are a nuisance and a fourth assumption they make about you is and the people who are attached to you your family and friends they're a nuisance too uh as long as they can prop up their game of addictions then okay i'll go along with them but i don't want to have to do any more with them than what i have to i just want people who are yes people for me a fifth assumption they make is i'm more i'm genuinely more enlightened than you are and it's your obligation then to acknowledge how enlightened i am they really want you to uh to say yes sir yes ma'am that's the way it goes and then number six when they say that something is right and correct or true or best it becomes your job to reinforce that no discussion you're supposed to just simply buy into the program that they have written out toward you by the way if you had any of those kind of situations come in your life and it wears you out doesn't it what happens when you start letting them know you don't want to be their supply and you don't want to be their feeding machine where you just feed those kind of addictions in the ways that their assumptions presume that you're supposed to do well basically when you begin showing that kind of thought to the narcissist you've become expendable but more than that you need to be taught a lesson and you need to be put in your place you see now that you begin having some of those questions about them their thinking goes well you were once valued but now you're going to be devalued you were once someone that i could praise now i'm just going to give you my ridicule you are once a confidant for me now i'm not going to let you know what's inside my mind you're once their prized possession as if that's what you wanted to be a possession now you're just going to go on their junk pile you were once the recipient of their favors or gifts now you're no longer deserving of any of that you're once a person that they deem to be reasonable now you don't know up from down do you you were once a person who made good choices as long as those choices coincided with what they wanted now you're someone who shouldn't be allowed to choose anything you were once practical or at least in their mind they thought you would be now you are totally ill logical so how did you turn or go from being someone who is highly prized and esteemed to the village idiot what's that all about well there's one huge uh there's one huge realization that i want you to hold on to and that is keep in mind the narcissist never and i know it's you're not supposed to say always and never but they were never really interested in knowing you through and through from the inside out instead they always and there's that always and never but pretty close to it they just wanted you to play along with their false narrative about how life is supposed to go about who they are they wanted you to go along about what they were owed they wanted you to go along with their narrative about how special they are that's part of their addiction and once you begin seeing this for what it is uh you you then really realize oh more is on the way that's not gonna serve you well uh you see once they go into that discard mode and they say okay you're supposed to feed me but now you say that you're not and they want to get rid of you and move on to whatever their next supply is going to be their attitude is going to convey thoughts like how dare you not worship me does that sound like too strong of a word worship not really they want to be in that godlike i want to be adored as the is the ultimate giver of all that's good at least as far as you're concerned that's the way they think or part of their reasoning implies uh i'm going to fill up my empty self by draining you of your worth and declaring worth to be mine mine mine i'm the only one that has worth in this world or at least in my relationship with you or in addition there they will come across in saying uh the the best way for me to be a somebody is to help you see how you're a nobody they elevate themselves at your expense or they also are gonna let you know i'm really threatened by your distinctives uh and then as a result of that you're gonna see their rage and their contempt and their hate and in fact those kind of ingredients define who they are that's pretty that's pretty pitiable they're consumed by those kind of qualities and if you try to talk them out of it they'll just say you just don't get it now do you they reveal that they're almost completely incapable of managing disappointments and differences and they have almost a zero capacity to to cope when they don't get their supply needs met they don't get their addictions met now you may be like me when i see these kinds of reactions when the narcissist goes into that discard mode my my reaction is wow just wow you don't get it do you the these people just have such a poor understanding of life i feel pity for those who approach life in such a hollow and weak way uh it's it's sad to see that that's how they've chosen to live life and i absolutely cannot and will not take my cues from somebody who is so unbalanced and misinformed and so if that narcissist wants to discard me or if they want to discard you we're just going to say okay you've discarded me and while i'm going to have to rearrange various relationships or circumstances i'm going to figure it out because you see uh a narcissist pitiable take on me and on life itself reminds me that uh that this is a wake-up call for me to start a whole new day and for me to write an entirely new script for the next chapter in my life i'll manage now i do hope that you get good insights from videos such as this if you've already done so i would encourage you to go beneath and hit that subscribe button we also have a an email list that i would encourage you to sign up for if you have the need for counseling and many times as you try to think this thing through your uh it would be good for you to have somebody that can help you sift it out if there's someone in your area that could help you i would encourage you to avail yourself to that if not we've vetted a group and we have a link below for online counseling with a sponsor that we've trusted and i've received good feed from that feedback from people who have used that service in addition we have my free to be now it's we call it a workshop it's a full-blown course and uh it has six different modules and 38 lessons about seven minutes each i have a video and written portion to each lesson and then insight questions for everything so i mean it's a very extensive way for you to do some personal reflection you might want to look into that we also have our websites survivingnarcissism.tv dr lescarter.com and also links below to our books hey by the way uh some of you have talked about how in my videos we have that halo effect right there you know what my attitude is that may be the only way i'm going to get a halo so hang in there with me if you think that we do that i'm just saying anyway i'm glad you let me be a part of your journey i take my role in it seriously and i want you to be the kind of person that has figured this thing out and you know how to respond when these narcissists come unhinged and in doing so i hope that you can keep your steadiness and i hope that you can keep your sense of well-being because you deserve to live a life hopefully with consistent peace

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 173,208

Rating: 4.9582028 out of 5

Keywords: narcissism, narcissistic supply, Dr. Les Carter, surviving narcissism, covert narcissism, gaslighting, malignant narcissism

Id: Aa-BsyYMBGs

Length: 12min 34sec (754 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 18 2021