4 Steps to Stop Being Socially Awkward

hey everyone and welcome to top think today  we're gonna learn about four steps to stop   being socially awkward now let's begin number  one accepting the inevitable awkwardness is a   part of life there's just no way around it no  matter how confident driven or sociable you are   you'll still run into your fair share of awkward  moments you'll accidentally miss a handshake   oops you'll wave at someone who's not waving at  you oh oh you'll tell a joke that no one laughs   at mm-hmm these moments are uncomfortable and  annoying but they're inevitable accepting that   inevitability is your first step toward becoming  less socially awkward in other words you can own   your awkwardness to create less of it yeah I know  it sounds backwards but let me explain most people   aren't socially awkward because they're doing  awkward things they just think they are they're   hyper aware of every potentially awkward thing  they do but it's actually their reaction that   makes people uncomfortable even if awkwardness is  inevitable there are ways to turn a weird moment   into a fun one let's say you're telling a story  about something dumb that you did at work you   get a few laughs but notice an extended silence  afterwards if you're socially awkward you might   assume the worst you take this awkward silence as  a sign that you have terrible social skills now   you start to think you aren't funny you assume  no one likes you you blow these awkward moments   so far out of proportion that you can never  recover because you're scared of making things   awkward again you decide to play it safe you stop  acting like yourself your fear of awkwardness ends   up ruining your chances of connecting with the  people around you but social awkwardness isn't   some unique disease only you suffer from no it  isn't a strange feeling that no one has ever felt   before no decent person is going to dislike you  from making things awkward because they've done   the same thing plenty of times themselves who  hasn't held the door open for someone who was   too far away or heard their waiters say enjoy your  meal and thanks you to these goofy moments often   turn into funny stories but only if you react  the right way people who are socially awkward   tend to make one of two mistakes when something  uncomfortable happens they either under act or   over act under acting is when you mute or muffle  your personality you don't like yourself because   you're worried people won't accept who you really  are instead you stay quiet and self-contained sure   you won't make the most memorable impression but  at least you won't make things weird right wrong   when you under act everyone around you will feel  like you don't want to be there even though you're   just trying to be cautious people will assume  you're annoyed sad or bored and that just makes   things super awkward for everyone on the flip  side overacting is when you try to be something   that you're not you might want people to think  you're cool likeable or outgoing you cover up   your real personality with a fake one thinking it  will make you less awkward but that isn't how it   works mm-hmm it isn't hard to tell when someone's  putting on an act people can and will see right   through you you'll end up missing out on potential  connections because you were too busy maintaining   your mask so what should you do instead instead of  trying to avoid the awkwardness learn how to make   the best of it one of the best ways to neutralize  an awkward moment is to laugh at yourself don't   try to play off your mistake like it didn't  happen you shouldn't be afraid to be a little   self-deprecating you want to show people that you  don't mind messing up that you're okay with doing   something dumb every once in a while and at the  end of the day your best friends are the people   you feel comfortable being awkward around number  two consistent activity many socially awkward   people spend way too much time in their own heads  they overthink each and every word they say they   overanalyze every little thing people do they go  back and forth wondering if they've made a new   friend or ruin everything these mental gymnastics  distract you from the most important part of   being social forming bonds you may have a hard  time connecting because you're paying too much   attention to yourself say a new friend tells you a  story about how they went hiking in the mountains   were you actually listening or were you trying to  think of something cool to say when they were done   often times you're trying so hard to control your  awkwardness that you didn't relate to the people   around you by telling you a personal story this  person was trying to connect with you they made   an attempt to invest in the relationship normally  this is a perfect opportunity for you to do the   same thing if you're too concentrated on yourself  people will think you aren't interested so how   exactly do you show someone that you're present  well you start by getting off your phone socially   awkward people tend to use their phones like  shields whenever they feel an uncomfortable moment   coming on they hide behind texts or social media  looking at your phone might seem like a great way   to avoid that awkward silence but it does more  harm than good now I know this sounds obvious   but countless people don't realize how their phone  is impacting their friendships the simple truth is   it puts people off it makes them feel like you're  intentionally stepping away from the conversation   why should they bother caring if you don't people  appreciate when you fight through the awkward   moments with them it might be embarrassing but  it's one of the best ways to build stronger bonds   now that you've put your phone away show them that  your present by finding ways to relate if they say   something you agree with tell them why when they  divulge an embarrassing story go ahead and spill   one of your own even if they say something you  don't understand you can relate by asking them for   more information there are tons of ways to show  that you're present but they all revolve around   one thing staying active in the conversation  no matter how awkward you are people need to   know that you're trying number three the spotlight  effect if you're socially awkward you might think   people are paying more attention to you than they  actually are you might feel like you're constantly   under a spotlight when you look around the room  does it seem like people scrutinizing everything   you do this is a common psychological phenomenon  called the spotlight effect since you're used   to over analyzing yourself you assume everyone  else is doing the same thing imagine you spill   a drink on your pants you immediately decide  you look ridiculous so you spend the whole   night going out of your way to cover it up you  try so hard to make sure no one sees but 99% of   the time no one would even notice even if they  do they wouldn't think twice about it each and   every person has their own complicated life to  worry about psychologists call this theory of   mind it's our ability to attribute unique thoughts  and beliefs to the billions of other people in the   world we actually learn this when we're toddlers  but it's incredibly easy to forget especially when   we're feeling insecure the truth is everyone  else is just as worried about being awkward   looking their best and making a good impression  you're obsessing about your pants the girl next   to you might be paranoid about a rip in her sleeve  the guy in the corner he might be hiding the mole   on his arm my point is that no one worries about  what you do as much as you do so don't be scared   to make connections and be yourself live your  life like no one's watching because most of the   time no one is number four social tag-teaming  even if you feel more comfortable being social   it's hard to meet new people to practice with now  in theory starting up a conversation should be   simple you walk up you say hi and ask how their  nights going and boom you've got a conversation   but in reality it's never that easy is it you may  know how to hold a conversation but that doesn't   mean you're an expert at starting them this  is where an outgoing teammate comes in handy   you want to bring along someone who can smooth  over that initial rough patch let them handle   the awkward introductions while you slip in once  the conversation gets interesting the trick is   to find one thing to latch on to you might chime  in with a funny ending to your friends story or   maybe you ask the other person a question about  something they said not only is that a natural   entrance but it also gives people something to  relate to right off the bat hey don't worry about   inserting yourself where you don't belong using a  teammate essentially gives you an excuse to enter   any conversation they do just make sure you're  not hiding in their shadow it's easy to let a   more outgoing friend do all the talking but what  does that accomplish they'll be making new friends   while you're just along for the ride so make  sure you're always involved in the conversation   your friend might be handling most of the small  talk but you can still make an impression as an   individual look for ways to specifically connect  with other people beside your friend for example   if someone shares one of your interests go  ahead and tell them that you're passionate   about the same thing this makes you relatable and  memorable outside of your friend now of course you   won't need your teammate forever this technique  is great to learn with but eventually you should   tackle the introduction on your own but don't  worry the more you do it the easier it gets once   you've talked to enough people you'll realize they  aren't nearly as scary as they seem ok thank you   for watching top think and be sure to subscribe  because more incredible content is on the way

Channel: TopThink

Views: 898,103

Keywords: how to stop being awkward, how to stop being socially awkward, how to stop being shy and awkward, how to overcome social anxiety, how to be less socially awkward, how to be more confident, how to build confidence, topthink

Id: jErjN6OzC4E

Length: 10min 5sec (605 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 28 2019