2 Hour Compilation of Weird Reddit Stories

people who enter homes for a living maintenance cable contractors etc what's the strangest thing you've encountered when entering someone's home speech pathologist here i've encountered a roach closet as the family called it they had towels stuffed under the door and they said it's where all the roaches are hiding they lied the roaches were everywhere i'm a builder in london and one of our clients strangely kept her old used underwear behind the radiator as i took the radiator off the wall they all just dropped then my dad aka boss made me put them in a rubbish bag and i proceeded to heave and gag whilst putting them in the bag zero stroke 10 experience fire department responded to a call of a house fire from a residence alarm company unable to contact owner on scene to a beautiful two-story wood frame home no fire or smoke showing and made our way inside and as soon as we got the door open we noticed four foot stacks of newspapers everywhere this huge home had so many papers stacked that there was only a small pathway from room to room we got to the kitchen to find an elderly person under a pile of papers on the floor that had fallen on them while they were making breakfast the bacon caught fire and set off the alarm but didn't set any of the stacks in the kitchen on fire we clear the papers and start to treat the patient all of a sudden we hear a huge cracking sound and the floor shifts a couple inches the weight of the papers was too much for the house to handle emergency dragged the patient out of path of papers to get outside patient was okay physically come to find out that the shifting we felt was actually the floor collapsing little did we know that the bottom floor was full floor to ceiling with newspapers and in effect stopped the collapse since the floor couldn't fall any farther newish house had to be condemned and ultimately torn down never found out where all the papers came from the customers house i was at had one of those plastic coke bottles that had to share a coke with filled with what i'm almost positive was someone's ashes it was on a shelf with some pictures and one of those small funeral cards with the same name as the bottle next to it this gives me a really weird sense of existential dread imagine your final resting place being a coke bottle [Music] going into hoarder's homes is the worst sometimes they have boxes of crap stacked from floor to ceiling and literally have a single maze style route through their house apartment then when you're done working they say something has gone missing and accuse you of taking it nobody wants whatever random trash you think is missing yeah it's like i apologize but i couldn't resist helping myself to your kanoke foot pads that are covered in rat p not i worked as a home inspector for a while after land surveying work went away after the property crash in 2007-8 i saw a couple of weird things including one couple in their 70s who had their own frick dungeon replica set up in their attic they even had life-size posters of full-frontal nude body shots of younger people with the couple's faces photoshopped on the models adult toys and bondage stuff were laid out in the room they were very nonchalant about the whole thing one thing that bothered me the most when i was doing the work people would sometimes leave their young children alone to let me into the house if i knocked on a door and a child answered i would ask to speak to an adult and if no adult was available i would politely tell them we would have to reschedule and i would leave i refused to go into a house with just a child present the people i worked for back me 100 on that as well [Music] a lot of people come to the door just wearing towels women in t-shirts and panties very strange but one time i went into a home where a guy had tunneled through the shared basement wall and killed his neighbor it was creepy oh yeah one guy had a bunch of mannequins behind the furnace scared the frick out of me one more i forgot about guy was into bsdm had chains on the walls also toys and whips he was very friendly but i hightailed it out pretty quickly people ask me how i can go into strangers houses as a woman honestly i don't really think about it a dead body i work in healthcare and part of my job involves visiting the elderly who can't make it to my clinic i was visiting one of my regulars last year when after knocking at the front door she shouted through the window to use a back door i get into her house and there was an open coffin blocking the front door with a dead body inside it turns out she was catholic and was holding a wake for her brother who had recently passed away strangest coolest thing i encountered during my in-home internet tech support job was at an old gun nuts home one of the rooms was a museum of death filled with stuffed trophy heads of every animal native to the area another room had four or five weapon safes finally we get to dude's office which is much more normal than the rest of the house while we're waiting for his system eight mac to boot i look at the pictures hanging on the walls one of them is clearly the gun nut when he was young standing at ease in a diving vest and short shorts while being inspected by president kennedy tl dr some crazy old dudes who claim to be navy seals actually are short shorts are the sign of the bookends of manliness one of my friends in high school lived in a dilapidated ordered tinder box with his mom and disabled brother his mom was a sweet lady but had been dealing with significant family loss on top of caring for a severely disabled son it was all pretty sad among the utter filth overflowing litter boxes sink piled with gross dishes cockroaches with a cage with three rabbits in it all of whom had skin infections and overgrown walrus teeth it was actually a scary sight poor bunnies during the worst of the housing crisis i would go into to homes take photos write a report and tell the bank how much money they would lose when they foreclosed at an expensive and large home in an upscale neighborhood i was greeted by a 45 year old white woman with breast lip and butt implants she was a good looking woman before all of that and now looked like a pornstar she greeted me with a board go ahead and look around and i proceeded to do my inspections and take photos i did the ground floor first then went upstairs when i opened the double doors of the upstairs master suite i saw four meter tall by two meter wide portrait of the board house frost naked spread eagle with her hands behind her head t pushed out and an exaggerated oh expression on her face the master bedroom and bath were an easy 2 000 square feet so it took a while to photograph everything after about 10 minutes the lady of the house ran up the stairs and screamed stop this instant to which i replied i'm not allowed to take images of people or pets or even photographs of people i can show you on my camera that i have no images of your nude painting i don't care about that i thought you were up here jerking off a neighbor did at our christmas party last year yeah nope was a carer new client to me heartbreaking really a man with dementia skipping around the house naked like skipping like a child got him dressed and fed in meds i was just covering that route for one day not sure if it was his usual presentation but sad all the same least he was happy i've seen a lot worse like women stuck in the time frame their baby died etc [Music] i'm too lazy to write out all the details but worked for directv i climbed under house couldn't find my glow stick to show where i drilled through the floor kept looking and discovered it had been covered by ants that were feasting on dead animals the guy had been killing animals and throwing them under his house i called the cops and left quickly this isn't that weird but i was installing internet and basic cable to one tv in a one-bedroom apartment for this young lady probably in her mid-20s finished setting up the modem and proceeded to the bedroom to set up her basic cable tv i had to move her dvd player momentarily and there was a dvd upside down on it that i left on top of the dvd player as i moved it i finished the tv install and went to put her dvd player back this time curious if maybe the dvd is a movie i've seen before flip it over and nope the label says or house girls so i quickly put it back where i found it on top of the dvd player she comes in a couple minutes later sees the dvd quickly but carefully grabs it and while keeping it face down moves it to her dresser drawer she didn't know i already saw what it was and i was laughing internally as i finished helping her set up her wi-fi thank god you set up her wi-fi so she can watch p online like normal people [Music] i used to work pest control some dude had a mock campsite in his apt bedroom fake fire two-person tent lawn chairs cooler etc etc etc this happened today taking items from an old man's house for a charity program we were loading stuff from his house into our box truck that he didn't want to take with him when he moved you all can take this mattress and box spring big old yellow cm stain on it sorry so we can't resell this because it's got a stain but we can take the bed frame and the mattress from the other room moves mattress moves box spring moth a load of used tissues on the floor behind the back of the bed i was working with a crew that was knocking on doors at a cd apartment complex and evacuating people because of rising flood waters knocked on a door and the door opens and the very first thing i noticed was how bad it smelled like straight up b.o next thing i noticed was the guy at the door who answered was in his mid to late 40s and overweight wearing nothing but tighty wetties after looking into the apartment for a second i saw two more gentlemen in their mid to late 40s also sitting around wearing nothing but dirty tighty wetties now i'm thinking to myself alright this is super weird and then i happen to notice they had no less than 100 guns just lying around in the open rifles handguns shotguns a freaking crossbow so now i'm like all right this is some the hills have ice stuff going on we told them about the evacuation and left i still to this day wonder what the heck they were doing couple weeks ago the cable internet guy came out to our place and i asked him the same question guys response he once responded to a multi-million dollar home in an upper crust neighborhood filled with other mansions this was a gated community within another gated community read apparently the previous occupants had a secret room that was an office with tons of phone lines where they were allegedly running some type of big credit card wire fraud operation they'd gotten busted so the new owners were having him undo a lot of what they'd done dude said it was like something straight out of a movie paramedic big butt flesh-colored corncob sticking to a sliding glass door leading to a backyard which overlooked the columbia river everyone kept glancing at it through the assessment i'm sure the fire department talked about it once we transported and left after the call was over the conversation between my emt and i went as follows him you saw that right me dude yeah we all did him it was super juicy like wtf the house was for an older lady in her 70s complaining of abdominal pain in my early twenties i was the contractor doing carpentry work i got hooked up with a guy who would text me an address and a few basic job details every morning i would drive there log my time and materials and bill it out at the end of each week and get paid cash it was awesome always different the worst one by far was 266 bridge street carlton place trim to upstairs rental unit i drive out there meet with the tenant who was just on her way to work but she said her boyfriend was upstairs i set up my work area in the parking lot head up a creaky set of stairs open the door and i'm hit with a stench i can only describe as beefaroni hot air canned meat and tomato sauce the boyfriend is lying on the couch easily 350 pounds in a tank top with a blanket covering his bottom half thankfully he greets me and i get to work i like to think i'm a professional i've since worked for some incredibly wealthy people successful lawyers doctors businessmen a handful of pro athletes and hundreds of regular good people i continue to have good relationships with them because i do good work there's no bulls i keep my head down deliver and get paid and that's exactly what i did in this gross apartment i crawled on my hands and knees making all the measurements through the kitchen full of dirty dishes and rotting garbage over the dirty underwear in the bedroom i suppressed my gag reflex to move aside the crusty kleenex and tampon filled garbage can in the bathroom i couldn't get outside soon enough to start making my cuts when i got back inside to lay out all my baseboard the boyfriend was asleep oprah blasting on the tv i will never forget that it was just me and oprah surely he'll wake up when i fire up the compressor i thought he stayed asleep snoring while i fitted nailed and caught the full apartment over the course of about three hours i wasn't quiet either when i was done i washed my hands in the kitchen sink locked the door behind me and left got a slice of pizza before my drive home from a place called mr mozzarella mediocre at best i went into a house to do some touch-ups on some wooden window frames the owner had previously told me about a rat problem that it was only one rat she had said it was this monster rat that would jump feet into the air to take down birds i laugh it off assuming she was exaggerating as i'm working on this window frame i see what looks like a cat running around outside then this sucker jumps and i see it's big buzz tail it was a rat it didn't manage to get a bird this jump but it probably could i've never seen a rat get so much air i worked in insurance restoration one summer your insurance company called us to bid on jobs from water and fire damage got to work on some cool stuff original panels from marvel comics in the 60s i think stage costumes from the temptations finding adult toys was a daily routine so with small amounts of drugs a bottle of oxy and a golf shoe under the stairs marijuana in the bed stand usually we throw this stuff away we were in a basement in saint louis it was part finished and part and finished someone saw something in the drop zone ceiling pulled it out and i crap you not it was a gallon size ziplock what seemed to be crack that was the only time i remember us putting the drugs back where we found it and pretended that nothing happened the sheer quantity scared the crap out of everyone i work as an electronics technician for samsung walked into a customer's house and the first thing we see is a life-sized replica of hitler in the middle of his living room with nazi propaganda covering the walls needless to say we didn't stay for very long i painted apartments in my teenage years went into one guy's apartment and there were dozens of medicines all over the apartment all in different fetish outfits asless chaps leopard print nurse outfits you name it we had to move them around to paint and when the tenant got home he complained to management that we moved his doors guy was really nice though but so was bundy according to his neighbors i worked hvac for a while a few years back i was doing a maintenance at this house and their furnace that service the master bedroom needed a part that i didn't stock on the truck i had to run to a supply house to get it and the guy tells me no problem just let yourself back in when you get back so i did and i head to the master bedroom to repair the furnace the dude was plowing his wife when i walked in he looks at me while he's going to pound town and says hey i kept walking and went about my business i'm finished repairing the furnace in 20 minutes but he wasn't not really exciting but i sold kirby vacuums in the mid 90s went on a cold call carpet clean demo the couple that owned the house had three in shag carpet looked like it was from the early 60s that had never been cleaned there was also a strange smell due to them having reptiles anyway started vacuuming and began ripping and sucking up large chunks of carpet this place was filthy neat and organized but filthy as i get to the lover seat we pick it up to vacuum i discover a large petrified iguana while the couple freak out about their long-lost iguana the vacuum takes out another hunk of carpet and catches the cord for the mini blind and the vacuum climbs the wall before ripping it off the wall that was the end of that sales pitch and my short miserable career selling vacuums cable tech was in an older lady's house and had to keep moving little kids toys out of the way rocking horses little push cars small doors etc to get back to the wall plates and check some connections this was in like three or four different rooms in the house didn't think anything of it i see plenty of kids toys every day i just assume this elder lady has some grandkids whatever she keeps asking me to please be careful when moving stuff which i am doing of course because i'm not here to mess anything up she is like visibly upset that i am moving these toys though and is hovering and watching nervously so now i am a little more aware and not quite turning my back to her all the way how her i notice there are no pictures of her or her husband anywhere now no pictures of kids or grandkids no pets everything is immaculately cleaned and spotless and there's no sign of any kids ever having been there this strikes me as odd because of all the kids toys with baby dolls on them i move the push cart back to its original location and she once again asks me to be extra careful as these are her babies smell it that's when i notice all the rocking chairs push carts baby cribs toy chests all have an actual baby doll sitting on top of them or laying inside them there are fake bottles the kind with the fake milk in them that moves everywhere random pacifiers a stack of those little fake baby changing diapers that kids use to change the diapers or their baby dolls just all kinds of weird crap i'm talking like six or so little baby dolls in all the rooms i have been in so far except the living room it's just a little creepy i hate dolls and kids stuff from all the horror movies i've seen so this wasn't ideal had to go outside and change the connectors and groom block in the house box do a little outside work come back in and she's walking around burping one of the baby doors foo who up that told her i was finished because i was got a quick signature and just nope the heck out of there i realize that she's probably just some old lonely lady maybe she couldn't have kids of her own i don't know her story i'm sure she has a story idc though i was creeped out and didn't look back guess it's mild compared to some other crap on here but that was creepy as heck to me been doing service and installation work for about 10 years now been through lots of houses that i have to step out to get fresh air before i vomit because of various potent orders by a logic or otherwise i have two places that stick out in my mind both while i worked for alarm companies pot dispensaries in california those were always fun they otherwise at an electrical company's office the boss lived upstairs had a full bdsm photo shoot studio in his little apartment he asked if i wanted to know more about it to which i politely declined his offer hvac helper for a few summers when i was younger you would not believe how many people let their dogs and cats defecate in the basements to avoid having to take them outside and not just in rundown houses either expensive mcmansions and such i worked for an electrician a few years back we were on our way to a house for some electric work as we drove by this government building people were outside picketing and protesting a government employee for possessing child pornography i guess he was well known in the town when we arrived to this house there were boxes everywhere because the owner was moving the woman who lived there let us inside and told us what work needed to be done she looked like she hadn't slept in a week when she finished telling us what to do she had apologized for her emotional state and had explained to us that her husband of 20-plus years was recently arrested for child pornography turns out it was the same government employee my heart really went out for this woman the betrayal she must have felt knowing her husband did this is unimaginable of course my co-worker sent me to the basement of this house to remove all the ceiling light fixtures i never came across anything while down there it was completely empty and cold with barren walls and a concrete floor but needless to say the thought of it all made me sick to my stomach the entire house just had this eerie vibe that i couldn't shake we immediately left the minute the work was finished serious people that do autopsies what's the weirdest thing that you have found that didn't have anything to do with the person's death i used to take x-rays in the morgue for suspicious deaths murders etc one time we were doing an abdomen x-ray on a guy that was found in a golf course pond after rolling him on his side to gather the plate a live frog wriggled out of his butt the morgue tech caught him and put him into a specimen jar he took some debris from the bag and put it in the jar and poked holes in the lid one of my co-workers googled the type of frog and confirmed that he was native to the area he then biked him back and released him into his pond at the end of the day i doubt any of his frog friends believed his story that last sentence made me laugh harder than the rest of the story due to the extreme level of weirdness i worked as a pathology assistant my boss once found a six-inch builder's nail in a chap's thigh he died on site after an accident but the nail was all healed over even where it had nicked the bone so it must have been there a few years a paramedic buddy showed me pictures of an accident where the guy was carrying a nail gun up a ladder to her roof and accidentally drove a nail through his pocket the iphone in the pocket and into his femur the hospital did imaging to ensure it wasn't going to blow an artery and then just yanked it out i worked in a cadaver lab people would donate their bodies to science we would essentially cut them up into different cuts depending on what hospitals med schools or researchers wanted most of the tissue went for surgical practice i a torso would be sent out for spinal surgery practice a leg for knee replacement practice once we had a donor who died during surgery we found a very large pair of scissors inside of him we also had lots of donors with evidence of cancer like tumors all over their lungs with no medical history of cancer we found a lot of abnormal or enlarged organs we once removed a 50 pound liver from a guy and also we found horse show kidneys two kidneys fused together in a person reading this only reinforces the idea that getting full body scans of some type should be an annual requirement uk gang member's mother died of a heart attack during a home invasion aggregated burglary 87 years old gang had burst in looking for drugs and money no signs of assault but the circumstances required a full examination to be sure nothing suspicious had occurred during the post-mortem two ounces of smack found in her anus back in the 90s i worked for the company that was contracted to move bodies for the coroner we picked up the body of a lady who had worked as a tailor in her youth when they did the post-mortem there were several dressmaking pins and needles under her skin mainly in her legs there was also a pin lodged in her lung coroner thought she must have inhaled it she'd suffered a pulmonary embolism back in the 60s which had forced her to retire maybe the pin was the cause of it how she hadn't felt the pins or that none of them had been picked up on x-rays or scans she'd had in later life i don't know cause of death was a stroke i was once in a mental health facility for only a short amount of time and i met two women whose daughter passed away from a drug overdose and had been upset at her for selling her grandmother's necklace for what she thought was drugs but when the autopsy came back it was found in her stomach apparently she was swallowing the same necklace for years and i can't imagine why someone would do that when i was a student i saw an autopsy of a man who had hanged himself when we checked the main arteries in the heart he had a huge blockage he was basically just about to have a huge heart attack so probably would have died anyway sorry pretty grim one of the major symptoms of a heart attack is sense of impending doom kinda makes me wonder if that was his final straw and ewalder died later the same day of the heart attack rolls of dollar bills inside the glory hole cavity removed it and let her property dry and then return to the family with the rest of her belongings also wash your hands after handling money maybe 50 bills but can't remember if they were singles or large bills cause of death was an overdose i think but not sure i was volunteering at the coroner's office and the doc pulled a very large intact avocado pit out of a manned stomach we all kind of looked at it and went ha cause of death was a heart attack there are the normal abnormal things like extra spleens extra ureters surprise tumors and swallowed foreign bodies the record holder was six dollars and 25 cents in assorted change the one that wins is the sharpie in the bladder with the cap on i was the one that got to explain what sounding was to the resident and lab assistant sounding with a sharpie yikes that might be enough for this threat for me we once had a homeless dude who od'd on opiates this comes in a lot during the external exam we removed his pants and they were just full of bacon like at least 40 packs of bacon turns out he had sharp lifted a ton of it then shot up in some run-down house and died with it all in his pants it was pretty shocking we also had a guy who took a bullet to the back of his head execution style and after the x-rays determined the bullet was not in his head anymore we couldn't find the exit wound anywhere once we took out the brain we discovered it exited perfectly out of one of his nostrils leaving no trace of an external exit wound while completing the post autopsy repair for a gentleman i found a plastic ladle tucked under the ribs it was probably left by some poor autopsy technician who got yelled for losing the good ladle i offered to send it back to the coroner but they never returned my calls i wouldn't necessarily say this is a weird thing but once during an autopsy i had just put the body onto the table on their stomach and the person had explosive poop luckily the doc who was standing right beside them moved in time or else they would have been shot with poop we didn't think it was ever going to stop five years ago an autopsy i viewed the patient was put down to have died from post-surgical complications from a colostomy infection led to sepsis and ended with moth when they began the examination and look they found some surgical tweezers left behind which was attributed to being cause of the infection because of how tucked away they were i am unaware of what happened afterwards but it was definitely referred higher as if i wasn't already afraid of surgery this makes it so much worse one of the cadavers we learned from in med school had his sciatic nerve somehow passing through the middle of his piriformis muscle it wasn't fused to the side of the muscle via scarring it ran right through the middle of the muscle his medical history was unknown but we expected that sciatic nerve pain was probably on the list i think of him when a patient doesn't respond to typical treatments for things sometimes people are built differently than everyone else and you have to think outside the box to figure out what's going on apparently this isn't all that uncommon a phenomenon which we might have learned at the time but i definitely do remember looking down at the nerve passing through the middle of the muscle and thinking what the frick that was not something i thought was possible before seeing it for myself shout out to everyone who has gifted their bodies to science sometimes your wish you could peek inside someone and not just have to treat from the outside okay this isn't an autopsy but i work in a pathology lab and we get all the parts that are removed from a human during surgery tumors moles appendages stones kidney bladder gall bladder etc one day a large long cylindrical stone was removed from a man's dong we have to break the stone down to its chemical components so we can tell what it's predominantly made from i.e calcium so we put this stone in solution and as it dissolved we realized something was in the center it was a big pen cap there's no way it came from above as someone with occasional small kidney stones fricking an 88 year old grandma died of carbon monoxide poisoning during the autopsy we couldn't open the back of the cranium after much drilling we realized that her cranium was around three four centimeters thick all the way around leaving her with the smallest brain on a grown woman i've ever seen she was fully functioning and never seemed affected by it in the slightest i've never seen anything like it since sorry i haven't managed to reply to all questions i never expected anyone to find my autopsy stories interesting i knew she functioned well until her death because she ran the soft cheese-making business with her daughters she died when the gas tank used to heat the milk leaked carbon monoxide into the room and she passed out and died one of her daughters also passed out but her face was close to the space under the door and fresh air came in enough to prevent her from dying i asked the family if she or they had known of her condition and no one had any idea physically there was nothing remarkable no deformities at all visible externally neither in body nor face we included the information in the autopsy report but since it wasn't related to the cause of death it wasn't investigated further just for clarification i'm female with a background in forensics and profiling hope this helps spoke with a pathologist at a conference during her training at the medical examiner's office they were doing an autopsy on a body that was found by a river they did a ct and something looked funny about his gut when they opened him up his stomach moved it was a snake that had burrowed inside his body it struck and bit one of the texts before they realized what was going on my forensic medicine lectures took place in the department's museum of oddities there are plenty of interesting items on display but one particularly strange display caught my eye it was an unlabeled cardboard box with 20-ish thin metal bars 10 centimeters around 4 inches long one of the pathologists explained that the random pieces of metal were actually spoon handles which were found in a young woman's stomach the remaining portion of the spoons was melted away by stomach acid the woman was a patient in a psychiatric hospital in the 50s 60s and evidently had a tendency to swallow spoons but her unusual diet had nothing to do with her cause of death can't exactly remember what it was on a more humorous note the museum also features a variety of strange tattoos my favorite was a tattoo on the left upper thigh of a soldier which read nerfer damon that is ladies only i actually know a guy who has a tattoo on his upper arm of a heart with the words yes i want sx ladies only please i'm a nurse and don't partake in autopsies but help get the body ready for one and we had a patient body who had a body bag tag tattooed around his big toe had it done about 10 years prior the tattoo had the pt named orb and date of death with a blank line and the family had filled in the tattoo with the points date of death and time reminds me of seeing place pads hear tats on people chests or do not remove tattooed on the good leg before the surgery to amputate the other leg other causes of death impending ones malignancies that weren't diagnosed hepatitis occult bleeding etc once found full-blown metastatic stomach cancer in a college kid that died in a bar fight that escalated it was pretty remarkable this happened to both my grandpa and my great-aunt my grandpa had an aneurysm on his jugular that could have burst at any moment my great-aunt had cancer that they only found on the autopsy pneumonia took them both first pennies hundreds of pennies nearly six dollars worth inside the skin all over the arms and legs deceased was a hermit lived alone ordered out for every meal apparently he'd been surgically implanting pennies in his skin for years no freaking clue why this has haunted me the most out of all the posts so far brain aneurysm in a late twenties girl had a tattoo directly above her pubic region that said stay off the grass only tattoo on her body also had a full-blown trichobazor same patient we saved it no history of mental health issues or seeking treatment for any mental health disorders just enjoyed eating her own hair running into the occasional dog pump implant was also a fun one a professor was explaining to us the brain's ability to compensate and said there was a case i believe the person had died of old age of someone missing an entire hemisphere of the brain in its place was one big tumor there were no signs of symptoms of this throughout the patient's lifetime my brother-in-law was in his early 60s and passed away from a heart attack during his autopsy it was noted he only had one kidney he never had a kidney removed and the only surgery he ever had was to have his appendix removed and the mortician said that it was in fact removed and not just a birth defect the appendix surgery happened when he was very young my mother-in-law had some health issues and during examination they found she had only one kidney we were told that it happened sometimes and would not affect her lifespan she passed away at 84 from kidney failure one my friend does this autopsies and he said that he found 24 screws in the large intestine of a 75 year old woman the weirdest part is she died of a heart attack while in the shower there was no possible explanation other than she was suffering from pika benoit balls in the rectum of a male who died off huffing duster female with a tattoo that covered her back that said frick you you freaking fricks elderly female with five very old tampon in her glory hole canal big burly leather clad bikers with delicate lacy panties elderly male with a prince albert piercing we had to remove all jewelry and that was awkward accessory spleens were super common but one lady had 14 of them but no actual spleen just 14 little blueberry sized accessory spleens horse show kidney is always a cool find human anatomy has its within normal limits range built within that range there are some weird things oh surprise empiema was gag worthy i no longer work this job i miss it you guys have made the last few hours at my current job more fun i hope at least one of you has an accessory spleen i was an assistant back in the day and once a man who died and drive by was brought and when examined we found that he had coke in his ass just realized you were not referring to the drink nice i used to do necropsies which is an autopsy on an animal weirdest thing was when i'd probably done 50 necropsies at that point on the same kind of rodent and one day i open one up and its intestines are just bulging full of something just imagine that you're used to seeing essentially the same thing every time and now instead of thin little intestines you've got these ballon like over full ones just taking up the whole body cavity my partner and i freaked out and just put the whole intestinal tract in a specimen jar for the lab to check out turned out to be a massive tapeworm that was actually fairly common for that critter we had just never run into one in our sample before not as crazy as a lot of the stories here but when you open a body any kind of surprise really throws you did pathology at hospital in college and one person had green organs that smelled like grape jolly ranger no joke apparently it's caused by a not so uncommon bacteria that only does that finally a new jolly rancher story don't perform autopsies but i clarked for a public defender's office my senior year of college and was tasked with organizing the discovery of a murder case including the autopsy photos guy was tortured and then killed with a pickaxe to the head on the side of a road the next day they stole acetone from a hardware store and drenched the body which doesn't work as well as the movies do however it does a phenomenal job at melting internal organs particularly a brain whose skull has several puncture wounds the brain soup is why you don't sneak a lunch while organizing discovery in a homicide case brain soup sounds extremely disgusting opposite of your question but i believe still relevant i was dissecting a body male 50s for anatomy class and found that his heart was a mirror reflection of what it should be the arteries and veins were in the wrong order on the heart during his life he probably never knew about his extremely rare and strange heart though it most likely was the root cause of his death he did not have an autopsy so they would not have figured it out then and i do not believe anyone was informed after the dissection since those who donate their bodies remain anonymous guy called his ex-wife told her he was ending it all had a gun drove out to the middle of nowhere and died of a heart attack we couldn't believe it either task failed successfully buddy told me he found a pair of dentures in someone's thigh didn't say a word to anyone about it for a couple years either during one of my anatomy labs we were did a thoracic dissection on an elderly gentleman the skin showed moderate yet long-heeled scarring that when drawn back revealed small slivers of copper the cadavers are only identified by a serial no but judging by his tats he was a military man so presumably old war wounds not necessarily weird but interesting nonetheless i'm not a emmy but growing up my best friend's dad was the county coroner me an old shutdown died from natural causes and his body was found a few weeks after he passed during the autopsy the coroner found what appeared to be thin copper wire running the length of the descendant's arms legs and torso it was embedded under the skin with a single point or outlet emerging at the base of the neck the man had no family so no one had a clue how the wires got there or why helped with autopsies at our local coroner's office during medical school in addition to cadaver dissection in anatomy lab a few interesting fine situations prosthetic testicle in a young man in his 20s pathologist hadn't seen one before it was about the consistency of a softer bouncy ball but oblong no idea where the original went saw photos of a young guy who had died at home and his pet fox then ate part of his face observed a dig for a body found buried and then helped piece the skull pieces together back at the lab bullet holes in the skull i guess that was the cause of death but still an exciting discovery the most of the dead show up clothes the clothes are damp and cool from being in the body bag and refrigerator and sometimes really tough to remove had a young man who had died in a job site accident and struggled to remove his work boots damp thick genes etc anyhow he had an m plus m's rapper in his pocket really made the whole situation real to realize he was just a normal guy snacking on candy and doing his job when his life abruptly ended [Music] as first graders in biomedical sciences we were witnessing an autopsy to see the location of organs we weren't told what the subject died of but the professor was slightly unamused to find out only after the person was opened up that they had a very weird bypass that shortcut about three organs in the digestive system the goal of our class was slightly ruined but fascinating first year of university not first grade of whatever school type with minor students oh man okay one time we had an autopsy on a guy who had died abroad whilst on holiday he'd already had an autopsy in his country of death he needed another autopsy in his home country before his death could be registered so that was our job he had been embalmed and repatriated to us obviously by the time we received his body his brain had already been removed and dissected and the skull sutured closed my colleague reopened the skull as we weren't sure of or tipsy procedures in the country of death the skull cavity was stuffed with underpants the weirdest bit which i should have mentioned in my original post was that the body arrived with a bag of the guy's belongings including his own underpants hello once i was doing an autopsy on a woman who had been dead for some time and was rotten i live in spain and hear the summer heat rotts a person in a few days well the woman had her whole neck with bandages and cotton dressings it turns out that her daughter who lived with her when seeing that worms came out of her neck decided to heal her wound with alcohol cotton and bandages the doctor discovered her body because the daughter called him because her mother had not eaten for two days i would have liked to see the doctor's face i had to observe autopsies as a medical student there was one man who died from a drug overdose i believe but came in with a dong ring on i guess he at least died while enjoying himself elderly pensioner died alone in his home not suspicious at all small mobile phone flip phone found in his rectum no explanation ever determined my friend who does autopsies found barbie doll heads in the intestines of an 21 year old woman yes barbie dolls ken dolls those stuff weird parties she died from copd it's possible to have copd at 21. my friend said she smoked two packs a day so that may be the probable cause my brother's story not mine part of the training was to observe an autopsy when examining the stomach contents of a middle-aged man they found two wedding rings four 20 p coins and a vibrating cck ring he died of a heart attack in a popular theme park on a ride take notes cedar point this is what happens when you don't have enough belongings lockers on site read it what is the most freaked up way you got back at someone that wronged you throw away is encouraged friend and i were fishing at a local creek when my friend's brother pulled up being the dong he normally was he started throwing rocks in the creek to scare the fish and then he threw my friend's bike in the creek we were 13 at the time my friend was crying and i felt so bad i jumped into the creek and got his bike out told him we would get his brother back about a month later we were fishing again and it was the dead of summer i told my friend today is the day we get his brother back caught a two-stroke three-pound carb threw it up on the side of the bank and left it there until we were done fishing at the end of the night went back to his place his brother's car was sitting on the street we took the carp sliced it open and threw it under the driver's seat and rolled his windows three stroke four up the next morning when we woke and left i forgot about what we had done well when i rode past jt's car i noticed the window was kind of black and then i took a closer look it was covered in flies i actually got scared because i did not expect to a window caked with flies by the time i got home i was laughing in tears because his brother was always such a dong to us but fast forward to baseball practice about three days later friend had a black eye but smiled at me when we made eye contact his brother flipped out and ran into his house and punched him in the face his mom flipped out on his brother brother was grounded for the rest of summer his mom said that my friend would never do such a thing and he played along and acted as if he had no idea apparently the smell never really left the car we nicknamed his brother lord of the flies a school bully repeatedly knocked a binder from my best friend's hands every single day while we walk down the hall now we were in high school back in the pre-columbine era so people didn't freak out as often when kids did fricked up crap i convinced my friend to stick tax through an entire side of his binder turning it into an extremely dangerous spiked weapon and just hold on extra tight while waiting for the bully to come do his thing the kid lacerated his hand pretty badly after he slammed his hand down into it my friend held on and yanked back jackass didn't try that crap again i'm immune to poison ivy so i was always uprooting it in our yard about a full acre i'd left it on this concrete area behind our garage because that's where it was near when i pulled it out but hey i was i'm lazy anyway i frequently walked down to a fishing pond across this canal in my neighborhood this is in south louisiana i didn't always have a functioning bike and the walk was only about a mile a big kid probably two three years older than me was a real jerkish he'd do stuff like ride by me on his bike and act like he was gonna high-five me but then slap my face and ride off laughing anyway one day he did that and i went back home upset i got my water gun and was gonna shoot him if he mess with me again then i saw the poison ivy and got an evil idea in the bucket it went with some water stirred it all up good then dumped that in my water gun went back to the pond on the way back home he came around messing with me again i hosed him down and he broke my gun but man it was worth it from what i hear he didn't go back to school for almost two weeks not me my brother when my younger brother was about three my father had to look after him for the day the plan was that he after asking his boss would take him into work for the day it was office work and he was friendly with his boss so my mum assumed it was no big deal but my father however didn't want a toddler distracting him all day so he left him in the car with the radio on and a carton of apple juice this is written so it wouldn't overheat but either way he was being an ass at the end of the day he returned back to his car to drive home expecting a sleeping toddler who wouldn't tell his mother a thing instead upon his return he found his son jumping up and down on the front seat to the radio on full blast naked and laughing slipping around and covered in crap he had soiled himself removed his nappy his fecal matter everywhere crap was smeared all over the driver's seat the windscreen the steering wheel the sat nav the driver's window even hand printed on the ceiling our dad didn't even know that toddlers could even produce this vast amount of turd the only car seat that was completely untouched was his own tl dr my three-year brother was abandoned in a car for eight hours later found smearing his own brand revenge paint all over my father's beloved bmw serves the father god i'm right he's lucky he only had a car full of crap and not a smashed window and a child in the custody of cps i moved around a lot as a kid dad in the army parents divorced not staying in one place made long-term friendships impossible but my situation attracted bullies like flies i moved to a new school a bully picked up my scent instantly tripping and shoving making fun of my clothes nothing too terrible but i was already unhappy so i felt miserable anyway one school day i asked to use the restroom i passed by said bully on the way into the bathroom he actually didn't do anything to me this time when i entered the the restroom someone was in the only stall crapping on the floor i walked out of the bathroom disgusted ready to tell on them i was seven at the time i was ready to re-enter my classroom when an incredible yet devious idea came to me i went straight to my bully's classroom and walked inside everyone looked at me which normally would have given me enough hesitation to turn me 180 0 and back to class but that day i didn't so much as pause i walked up to the teacher's desk pointed at my tormentor and boldly proclaimed that he had crap on the bathroom floor the teacher's reaction was better than i could have ever expected for me she made him follow her into the restroom while he cried and slobbed out i didn't do it he's lying over and over again she then grabbed a wad of paper towel handed it to him and we watched as he picked him up and put it into the commode she thanked me for telling her and told me to go back to my classroom this happened about 20 years ago i still look back at this moment as a turning point in my life like i became me then at an all-male military boarding school during high school there was this huge douche on my hall we took his febreze bottle and filled it with pee then took said bottle and sprayed his pillow wall locker and opposite corner so he gets back smells urine and immediately grabs his februaries and douses everything eat a dong donovan eat a dong i used to live in a very small town like 250 300 people we had no stores gas stations etc one day a local guy decided to open up a little store that sold the basics like groceries and rented movies he hired a few of us high school kids to work the store and promised 50 us dollars a week for the summer to be paid at the end of the summer we agreed and started working we gave up a summer stocking shelves cleaning the bathroom lawn care and whatever else well the end of the summer comes around it's our last day of work and he comes by with our paychecks fifty dollars for each of us for the whole summer needless to say we weren't too happy but his words were what the frick are you gonna do about it drop the key off at my house since you won't need it anymore we came up with a plan to pay this douchebag back before locking up the store for the last time we left a window unlocked we dropped the key off at the house around midnight we were back at the store grabbed as much as we could cigarettes money from the register candy probably about 1 000 worth of crap locked the window then left through the emergency exit that had no alarm there were also no cameras of any kind next day there were cops there he accused all of us of doing it but had no proof he ended up having to shut down the store a few months later because the town heard how he didn't pay us and stopped doing business there i don't feel bad sucker deserved it figures it's about a crime i committed 15 years ago till there are people so dumb they'll rip off teenagers add insult to injury and then ask for their key back when my brother and i were kids we used to play in our front yard all the time once we were playing baseball and our ball rolled down the hill into our neighbor's backyard anyway my brother and i went inside to find another ball to play with in those five minutes he walked up the hill and pounded on our front door my mom answered and he flew into a rage at her screaming about the goddamn kids ruining his lawn my mom tried to calm him down but he put back his fist as if he was going to punch her when my mom flinched he started to laugh and spit on our doorstep my brother and i saw everything and declared covered war we were smart we waited until he wouldn't be too suspicious to this day we haven't been caught because everything could have just happened naturally we didn't do everything at once but rather over the course of many years here is a rough list of all the things i remember doing poured female deer lure into his cars and houses ac intake vents to perfume his air with an unholy stench saved up all shards of sharp glass nails etc and would scatter them on the ends of his driveway bought high-strength concentrated weed color and would apply it liberally to his prized shrubs flowers found his car in public parking lots and threw bologna on it to ruin the paint job no clue if this one actually worked though collected roadkill and assorted dead critters we found we had cats and would throw them under the top that covered his pool waited until they went on vacation and put sugar all over their doors and windowsills and hope that bugs would get into the house and nest i still don't feel guilty the guy was a huge prick still is a huge prick actually i worked at a place during college that served sandwiches and cough it was a cool place a lot of people hung out there and i liked everyone i worked with but my boss was the biggest butthole in the world one week on payday he got all the employees together and told us that we wouldn't be getting paid that week and we would have to wait until next week we were fine with that but when the next payday rolled around he didn't have the money this went on for about a month we were all working under the table and he told us that if we could we would never get any of the money he owed us we later found out he never planned on paying us we found out he was blowing his cash on cook and gambling he stopped showing up to work for like three weeks so it was just the employees running the store in those three weeks we gave away pretty much everything in the store for free literally emptied it out anyone who came in and ordered something got it for free we even had a party there one night open mic and everything so he finally shows up and he looks like he has been awake for a week straight he comes in freaking the frick out threatens to beat the crap out of us starts throwing things around i was in the back and saw that he was double parked outside so i called the campus towing company that was literally a block away while he is freaking out at us one of the employees says hey your truck is getting towed he runs outside and watches his escalade gets towed away we all bounced out the back door and never looked back when i was 13 i woke up in the middle of the night to a man laying next to me in my small bed staring right at me i looked at him all confused and told myself oh silly you're having a nightmare so i smiled at him closed my eyes and was about to fall back asleep when he started touching my thigh two things happened at once i realized that i was only in my bra and underwear and that i was definitely not having a nightmare feel like i've never felt before gripped every inch of my body and i think i stopped breathing he started making his way up to my underwear presumably to take them off what did i do i opened my eyes and i crap you not said hold on a second i have to pee he looked shocked but didn't stop me as i wrapped my blanket around my body and proceeded to take a few steps toward my bathroom then i noticed that my bedroom door was wide open so i bolted i ran to my mom's room banged on the door and screamed about how there was a man in my bedroom my mom came out to the hallway and had just started reassuring me that it was a bad dream when the sucker dashed out of my room and told the front door my mom froze but i got the biggest sense of how the frick dare he tried to violate me that's when i grabbed a lamp ripped the cord out of the wall socket as i started chasing him insanely waving that lamp and screaming all the profanities that my 13 year old mind has ever heard i chased that sucker down the streets while my mom called the police i lost him somewhere in the dark built when the police came got statements and started searching the neighborhood i got my revenge they caught him hiding in the bushes brought him over and asked me to identify him i marched right up to that mother kneed him in the balls and walked away saying heck yes i want to press charges when i first read this i thought he said silly you're having a nightmare and i thought that is the ballsiest debaucher in the world my dad used to live in an apartment building with a signed parking as in every tenant had a designated space that only they were allowed to park in well my dad would regularly come home to find someone else parked in his spot he had asked the guy politely several times not to park in his spot and had even talked to the landlords who had done nothing about it so one day he got home to find the guy parked in his spot again and decided enough was enough my dad had always worked on cars ever since he was 13 he had a jack in his trunk and used that to jack the guy's car up off its rear tires it was a rear-wheel drive car which meant my dad now had control of the car using the jack he pulled the car across the lot and left it somewhat hidden behind a dumpster then he let the car down put away his jack parked in his spot and went up to his apartment later that day he got a knock on his door it was a police officer with the inconsiderate neighbor behind him the officer asked my dad what he had done with the neighbor's car and my dad looked him right in the eye and said he parked in my spot and i've asked him several times not to do so so i lifted his car up and set it over by the dumpster now to give you an idea about my dad he's six feet five inches and back in the day was really well built he also has only one eye and the fake one he's got has always been too small giving him a constant madman look when he told the officer that he'd lifted the car and moved it himself and even pointed out where the car was through his apartment window the police officer's eyes got as big as dinner plates he turned to the neighbor and said sir i recommend you never park in this man's spot again guy stopped parking in my dad's spot after that my friend pulled a fairly innocent prank on me to pay him back as we got to a very busy airport to fly to vegas i put the lead-lined bag used to protect film going through the x-ray machine in his carry-on they had to check his bag right there in it i put a cell up a tube of analyse lubricant a loose deck of naked men playing cards and dozens of extra small condoms he of course looked horrified pleading that it wasn't his which it wasn't but no one believed him they put everything back laughing and he was allowed through my girlfriend of three years that i dated through high school broke up with me my first semester of college we went to different schools and i later learned she was hooking up with one of her guy friends there anyways when we both were on break she asked me to bring back all the stuff she had given me presents sweatshirts cards etc so i drive to her house with all the things we've exchanged in the past three years once i got to her house i saw that she had invited all her friends over and they were sitting with her along with her parents in the garage anyways i woke up with her crap and exchange everyone they had that smirk on their face like they were laughing at me anyways as i give her back her things i say if only i could give back your virginity the look on her parents faces was absolutely priceless and i walked out of that land den with the biggest smile on my face haha this is great it's awesome how you can have an entire situation and group of people against you and turn it around with nothing but a few words my then high school girlfriend was a total bee and wanted me to abandon all of my friends would always try to bring me down it said sick when i got fed up i broke up with her on picture day she took them but her mascara was everywhere two days later i told her that i was sorry blabla and i wanted to get back together she liked having someone to walk on so of course she said yes i then broke up with her again on retake day freaking nailed it slow clap my friend got roofed and violated by a frat frick about a decade ago at a local high-toned university despite a [ __ ] of evidence he was never arrested never expelled never had to face any sort of penalty for this and managed to get my friend labeled a s who totally wanted it and was now only pretending it was rape because he wouldn't break up with his girlfriend for her a pretty charming guy really i put capsicum extract in his eye drops my reaction to your post so i've definitely come to this way too late for karma but i decided to share this story just for any lurkers to enjoy when i was in first grade there was this jerk that we'll call eric who essentially made my life a living heck he was constantly shoving me down stealing the ball from me and would consistently smack me or throw things at me in class when the titch's back was turned i often got in trouble for yelling at him or hitting him back meanwhile the sneaky bastard was an angel in her eyes it's december and the entire class is excited about two things bring your dad to school day and christmas well one day in class our teacher was talking about christmas and santa claus when eric blurts out santa isn't real he's just make believe for babies the teacher tried to make him be quiet but the damage was already done the entire class was distraught two girls actually had to leave the classroom because they were crying so much i got home and told my parents what eric had said and they convinced me that santa was real and said that eric was just a mean little boy a few days passed without further incident and it was time for bring your dad to school day however my dad had canceled a few days before saying that he had a really important meeting that he couldn't afford to miss well the dads all arrived to class shortly after lunch and were presenting briefly one by one when suddenly who would burst into the classroom but santa freaking claws letting out a big hohoho the pudgy saint nick strode into the classroom hugged our teacher and gave a brief presentation about elves and toy making and his reindeer he then went around the classroom giving all the kids minnie reeses and right before he left wendt say which one of his you is eric the teacher pointed him out and santa went up to his desk and said something like you know eric it's not nice to tell people that i'm not real if you keep being a naughty boy you'll be getting cold next week eric just looked back at him stunned and gave a sheepish nod santa then went and stood by the doorway gave a cheery laugh and right before he walked out looked me dead in the eyes and winked i was amazed and ran home telling my parents all about what had happened that day eric wasn't as mean after that and everything in the first grade was gumdrops and ice cream it wasn't until i was in high school that my mother revealed that the santa claus was actually my dad he had gone so far as to buy an expensive fat suit and mask in order to fool me and everyone else the tl dr my dad dressed up as santa claus and came to my first grade class to tell a bully to act right gentlemen what is an absolute red flag a woman can raise on the first date my brother was in the army when he was set up on a blind date by a friend's girlfriend apparently during the first 10 minutes of dinner she was talking about how she would be such a great and loyal army wife and how she thought army wives were so brave and admirable and how she would never leave him if he was injured he had literally just met this girl he stuck it out through dinner faked sick and left she pursued him pretty hard after but he lied and told her he decided he wasn't really over his ex and wasn't ready for a relationship he said about a month later she tried to text him with a booty call and said she even tried to sweeten the deal by saying he didn't need to wear protection because she was on birth control but like how many red flags can one girl have this takes me back to the early twenties version of me and a fine lass named rebecca we met at a new year's party she tall and artsy with some feather arrangement in her hair i complimented ooh a midnight and a proper kiss on the cheek with the promise of a first date to start 1991 picked her up for said date a few days later and same hair treatment she tells me she's obsessed with birds and always wears a feather somewhere ah okay no problem she's still cute in full light and this just makes her quirky right i was just a few years older and we went to a really nice italian place near dc she remarks how nice to be out with a grown up she's finishing college and has been dating boys nice dinner's great until dessert the whipped cream on mine reminds her of her last boyfriend she then tells me in great detail how she stalked him hiding in bushes near his house to spy effing with his tires and covering his entire car in whipped cream and eggs isn't that just the funnest check please are you sure she wasn't actually a bird i went to meet a woman from an online dating site and at the last minute she texted to ask if i could swing by her house which was only a few blocks away from the starbucks we were supposed to meet at that should have been a tip off in retrospect but we chatted a lot online so i felt comfortable enough maybe she just needed a lift or something instead i come up to her house and when she opens the door she is wearing an ankle bracelet she begs me to please understand how she didn't want to mention it on the dating site and to please hear her out i was naturally uncomfortable by this point but also curious so i sat down for a few minutes in her living room she told me of this domestic dispute she had with her ex that had turned violent and now she was on 30 days house arrest a very overweight teenage girl came into the room at this point and the woman said oh yeah i also forget to mention i come with this now i just wanted to get the heck out of there i started making excuses to leave but she kept trying to get me to stay please just one date after i am done with house arrest the things i could learn from a man of your smarts i said nothing besides i really have to go we'll think about it i just walked out the door and she followed explaining that the bracelet had a range of several feet outside i was rummaging for my car keys next to my car when she grabbed my left hand and slid it under her shirt placing it directly on her bare breast she looked up at me with a wicked grin i got in the car without a word and just drove i never felt so happy to drive away from a place in my life so yay asking me about red flags may not be a great idea though hopefully i have wised up since then [Music] asking if you have ever done h and would like to shoot up later unless you do want to shoot up later same for doing lines of coke had dinner with a blind date only saw her eyes maybe for three minutes before she was glued to her instagram and snapchat giggling to herself and replying to her followers tried to have a decent convo but she was like aha that's cool waitress comes she doesn't even bother looking at the menu steak fries and a glass of champagne then out of the blue how much money do you make i got up told her the date was done and left her at the restaurant she was so glued to her phone she just nodded she blows up my phone raging that i was supposed to buy her her dinner and exclaimed she had no money or ride to get back to her man's place so yeah she was fishing for free food and drinks you made it out perfectly congrats on you oh boy here we go long story short i went on a date with a chick and we were vibing really well before she turned ice cold and began acting like a bee at that point i just wasn't enjoying it so i made up some excuse about having some stuff to do and left few hours later she texts me she was disappointed that i gave up so easy and she was testing how much i liked her needless to say i didn't ask her on a second date i'd rather be single setter but then have a relationship sex with the entire cast of mean girls crammed into a single person with a maturity of a high school freshman she asked me to drive her back home to ensure she hadn't left her run on 20 years later i'm still checking that she's locked doors turned things off locked up the pets etc that's a long time to stalk somebody she brings a guy from tinder to the date his name is craig he uses a paper clip as an earring he spends most of the date sewing still wasn't the worst date i've ever had so now i wanna hear about the worst date a girl i dated was really obsessive over her ex did not like wanting to get back with him no no no good sir she just wanted to make sure he didn't date anyone and would force everyone around her to help her including me i found out from her ex a really nice guy that on the first date we went on she chose a specific restaurant because he had a date and she wanted to ruin it yikes your well-meaning co-worker sets you up on a blind date with her fun friend you agree to meet at a bar but then her friend asks you to pick her up because she lost her license you get to her apartment and she is arguing with a man out front she flips him the bird before spitting in his face then gets into your car it is at this crucial point you notice she brought a suitcase full of her things after you finish the drink you ordered with your meal she finishes her fifth one the entire time you haven't said more than a few words not because you're being indifferent but because she always interrupts with anecdotes about her abusive childhood the bill comes she slides it over to you she informs you that she doesn't have any money and assumed you had intended to pay for the entire date on the way to the car she informs you that she wants to have unprotected sex don't worry though she tells you that you cannot impregnate her she is already carrying another man's child while taking her home she begins gesturing to her suitcase while asking to live with you a few weeks she is broken destitute till she begins her new job as a stripper on monday the man she was arguing with was letting her stay with him till she saved up enough money for her own place unfortunately that man had kicked her out since she was bringing other men over to his apartment to freak in her opinion it was unfair after all she never agreed to only be sleeping with him exclusively after pulling her hand out of your crotch and telling her you're not interested you get to the apartment you picked her up from unfortunately you live in the same apartment complex only a couple buildings around the corner far enough from where you park but not so far that she doesn't follow you all the way to your front door she sexually assaults you while trying to force her way into the apartment you panic but then hear your cell phone ring it's a telemarketer telling you about your vehicle's expiring extended warranty you pretend it's work push your way outside lock the door and hope she forgets the number scrolling across it she follows you to your car asking when you will come back home you leave her standing in the rearview mirror while you speed off into the night you then spend a few hours sitting in the mall parking lot waiting for a chance to sneak back home while on your third cigarette to deal with the second anxiety attack even though you previously quit smoking for over one year you come to a grand realization your co-worker is kind of a bee apologies for the awful experience but congratulations on the compelling narrative i hope you don't mind but i couldn't find a babysitter and brought my kid um yes i do mind you could have rescheduled this is supposed to be a date not a future daddy test here's some money for you and the kid to have a nice dinner bye yes also lying about having kids and having know when you are at her place when she gets too personal and wants to know the street you're grew up on your first dog's name what your first car was where you went to school mother's maiden name the three wacky numbers on the back of your credit card making comments to imply that she wants a worshiper gift-giver instead of a partner if you don't see a so as an equal it's a bad sign pay pig there are a few one she never bothers to engage in smaller talk during the date at all and any attempt on your part is only met with single word answers another would be if she kept talking about her ex during the date lastly she answers her phone saying hey dad this isn't a good time but you quickly notice the name on the call display oddly matches the name of your own father who disappeared when you were little arsenal i incest she will raise a big red flag if she treats strangers like crap you can tell a great deal about somebody by how they treat people who have no material benefits to them super underrated observation i actually have a go to business restaurant bar where i know the staff very well they give me tons of info on how potential business associates treated them and it is about 90 predictive of what they are truly like to deal with down the road automatically ordering the most expensive thing on the menu if they are not splitting the bill not treating wait staff with respect not trying to maintain eye contact while not being socially awkward this one is context dependent constant use of their phone grossly bashing their ex or talking at length about them not the normal oh my ex was a dong but really going on about it being generally inconsiderate or arrogant diverting conversation to talk overly about themselves even on topics not about them not showing any interest in me as a person my ex and i used to split all our bills and we went on twice as many dates when every time you bring a girl out is a financial burden you start to resent spending time with someone if she starts playing on her phone that means i hey she's just there for a free meal b she's already dating someone see she's not interested in you d all of the above apart from all the usual ones i really know it's not going to work if they start complaining about having to walk a short way when together i get it if they are wearing heels but if we plan to go to a restaurant walk around a bit and see a movie in 200 meters into the walking they start complaining then it's just not going to work out i dated a girl once who would get mad if i wouldn't circle around or wait until one of the closest spots were open her dad would do it all the time i happen to be one of those people who park as far away as possible so my car doesn't get dinged by careless kids it didn't work well telling you right at the beginning of a date how much he hates martin luther king jr yeah that was awkward talking about how they want a man who knows how to treat a lady or checking out other guys with their eyes while still actually talking to you or ridiculing things you said or telling you their ex-boyfriend is a policeman and if anyone hurts me he will get them or telling you they have a bf but he's going to be in jail for six months or ordering as much expensive stuff as they can obviously more than they can eat because they think a date is a chance to burn a guy for as much as they can get or telling you about how their ex was and but whole in fact all their exes were buttholes or lying about their sprints or age before a blind date or some of the first questions they ask you are how much do you earn what car do you drive where do you live do you own or rent or telling you their last bf was was so generous he even bought you a house and gave it to you nine korean girl in china receiving more than a dozen calls on her phone mostly that sounded mail while still in the car on the way to the restaurant chinese girl i'd already decided not to date her again before we reached the restaurant these are all things i have personally experienced dating yikes came to this thread afraid i'd see something i'm inadvertently doing as a red flag because i can be a little socially awkward leaving this thread feeling more normal than ever holy crap guys i'm sorry you're meeting these women all i see here is a green flag trying to make sure you aren't a bad person or trying to improve yourself there are some good ones here like mistreating servers making it clear she sees you as a source of money and expensive gifts or carrying on about an x i don't want to just repeat what everyone else is saying so my red flag is anyone who seems to be constantly on or have something they're trying to prove if they can't just relax and stop trying to show what an edgerlord victim not like other girls or whatever sort of character they're trying to convince you they are being around them is going to drain you every time it's not even worth the p to me i like genuine real people who aren't constantly putting on some show i want a man who treats me like a queen usually code for i want someone to live and die for my happiness so i can be selfish forever no thanks when you're dating a girl for a few months who has a small appetite but over time you've realized her stomach is increasing in size finally you make a joke and she breaks down crying saying she was raped and really loves needs you so being nice and understanding you stay with her because you feel you can raise a child and willing enough to do anything it takes until you bring it up to a mutual friend and he refuses to look at you you begin pestering him about it until he spills the beans and reveals she cheated on you in the beginning of the relationship because she thought you guys wouldn't last long and she is going to use a baby as leverage to keep both of you together and use you for life you get to her house tell her everything you know and all she can say is who told you in the end you leave her and all of her friends questioning your entire existence the next year you meet a wonderful girl by chance and have now been going strong for two years that's a really long first date in all seriousness though that's a terrible ordeal and it sounds like it's really affected you counseling therapy might not be a bad idea of there's lingering bitterness i was expecting subtle hints coming here but instead i feel fortunate i've apparently managed to avoid absolute train wrecks a few weeks into dating my first real girlfriend things started to turn weird she started telling me that she was hanging out at an old friend's place but one of his buddies was hitting on her hardcore i told her to just walk away but she kept making up excuses that they were all in a room together and she couldn't leave i told her to tell him she had a boyfriend who wants him to back off and she told me he started threatening me she kept asking me what i wanted to say to him but i just sort of brushed it all off because this was a conversation through a third party with someone i had never met before situations like this kept popping up she would tell me she was around some guy who was being aggressive towards her trying to get me to react i kept trying to act stuff to these random people 15 years old but really i was just confused after about a month of dating she tells me that best friend's boyfriend texted her and said that he loves her and that they should run away together we all went to the same high school so i don't really know where they plan to run to she was relaying all of this to me and i started to question it he was such a nice guy why would he want to break off his relationship why is this conversation even continuing why is he persisting have you told him you're not interested shouldn't you be able to easily shut this down she gets frustrated that i'm not playing into her hand so she calls me and decides to escalate it to well i'm kind of considering it that was obviously the breaking point and a very easy response really well then we should break up she flips her opinion really quickly i didn't mean it i was crazy i'm sorry i don't even like him i'm proud of 15 year old me for sticking up for myself and completely cutting contact it turns out which is pretty obvious in hindsight that she just loved guys getting jealous over her and was lying the entire time to get me going in every relationship i've had since i've kept an eye out for the every guy i talk to is into me red flag you are a champ i had similar experience at 17 unfortunately i was far more naive then bringing up crazy things she did to guys in past relationships it doesn't make me think you're savage or cool it makes me think that's going to happen to me i opened the restaurant door for her and she told me i don't need a freaking man to open my door but i walked her to the table i gave her 20 for a cab ride home and walked out i would have just bailed frick the cab money you're a better man than me when they ask you to pay for something for them or suggest that you do it for the next time went out with a girl for a really bad date there was almost zero chemistry between us things got slightly better as the date progressed but i still wouldn't even say it was in my top 100 dates and i don't think i've ever had that many i offered to drop her off on our way out and she agrees on the way to her place we saw an ad for the incredibles 2 and to strike up a conversation i asked her if she liked those films she said she did and then said that we should go see it next time we go out then she added but you'll pay for my ticket right i'll often didn't say anything because i assume she was joking and she said with a serious tone don't be cheap you got a nice car it's clear you make good money you can afford to pay for my ticket she was out of my sights the second she said that i just laughed again and said sure we can do that i dropped her off and never contacted her again for my husband tell them to read this in the most redneck hick voice possible when a girl who looks like someone just pee in her oatmeal keeps calling angry orchard green orchid gets mad at the bartender by saying i done got one of these last week it was a green orchid and then turns to you and says wanna fist me later i also like anal personally i disagree with my husband and believe this is a magnetic and appropriate way to exert one's dominance and now he's telling me about her claim to be from a parallel universe that her pastor explained to her but never mind shut it down i went on a date with a girl who ordered a steak and a cheesecake and then proceeded to eat them at the same time like in the same bite look i get weird food combinations but if you're going to make that combination on the first date there's a strong chance you have some bodies under your floorboards that almost sounds good might have to try that not a first date but my ex broke up with me because i wasn't putting enough into the relationship i didn't buy her a four-month anniversary present then beg to get back together with me and continue to complain that i didn't buy her things excuse me lady but i just found out my cat is ill and need to pay for her meds presents can't wait i'm so glad that relationship is over i remember a very long time ago when i was like 19 yo i'm 44 now i met this chick who was working at a store thrifty's that i was transferred to for a week to help them out from a neighboring city i was working for the same store we hit it off while we were working that night and long story short went out after work to a restaurant cocos while we were eating some dude walks up to our table and starts to ask her why she didn't pick up their kid since it was her turn to watch him they start yelling at each other right there at the restaurant then the guy leaves grabs their kid from his car i'm assuming it was his car i actually don't know and plops him next to her in the booth while we were eating and left i was polite and finished the meal and then said i had to go home it was so awkward the next day i had to go into work at that same store but she wasn't working that day so i didn't see her i ended up working one more day after that and still didn't see her so i went back to my store after that and didn't contact her one week goes by and she ends up calling me at work since cell phones were not a thing back then and begs me to have breakfast with her so she can explain things i have no idea why but i ended up saying yes and met her the following saturday in her city at some breakfast place i show up at the restaurant and she is sitting there with her mother and grandmother the girl then begins to apologize to me for what happened she's crying and begging me for a second chance while at the same time her mother and grandmother were begging me to give her a second chance to who btw i have never met before and i literally just met her i can't remember the exact details of what happened at the end of that breakfast but i never saw her again i thought i was in the twilight zone still to this day i always wonder how that dude knew we were at the restaurant since no one had cell phones back then [Music] she asked me to take her shopping on our second date i have my dad drop us off didn't have my license at the time age 15 so anyways she takes me to victoria secret to shop for clothes and stuff about an hour later and a half later she thinks she has enough things and asks me to help take her things to go check out at the counter i grab the rest of her things and take them over to the counter to pay that's when she just kind of stands there and acts like i'm gonna pay i said something like how this is gonna be expensive where do you work and she says something like what do you mean i thought you were helping me out with this i kinda just asked if she was joking and when she confirmed multiple times that she wasn't she claimed it's not okay to make the lady in a relationship happy or some bulls comma first of all we went on one dateish movies and now today this is not a relationship comma second of all i'm 15 i don't have 150 to waste on clothes for someone i've spent all of maybe six hours of my life on i keep refusing to pay mostly saying that i don't have the money to pay in the first place even if i wanted to she calls her dad and has him pick her up instead of waiting for mine praying my date next weekend doesn't go the next way i've only dated two people before and she was the first i don't think this girl is the same way as the last at all though so i think we'll work out once started dating this gal who shared everything with me from her dog that she had to take care of for the last year and a half because he was dying to the sexual trauma that she had been through to her birth control that was suffering side effects from to how much it's going to cost to fix her car nothing positive was being shared and all the bad stuff she was kinda brushing over like it still wasn't the worst she'd been through i had to ghost her because i'm a bleeding heart and even i couldn't help but want to try to fix her problems but i had enough problems of my own to deal with that is married gets drunk before telling you and during the dinner date orders a second dinner to go i told her she is paying for the meal went on a date with a girl i met on ocupid i picked her up since she didn't have a car it was 40 minutes to get to her place she wasn't in a thing that she looked like in her pictures and she is very much not my type but i figured you know what i'll give her a chance who knows she suggests that we go to dennis because it had the best breakfast definitely doesn't btw we sit down and try and have conversation but here are the topics she wants to talk about dang our server is so hot i love girls with big asses x2 this happened i went on a date with the submissive guy before you and he was so cute bit like worrying to me and i just didn't feel the same you know isn't it weird how many black people are here she was black i'm white welp check comes on a single piece of paper and she asks how much is it so i show her the receipt and she proceeds to go into her purse to get money out now look my view is if i ask you to the date i'll pay if you want to pay for yourself i have great respect for you however i feel that on the few occasions that i do pay for you it makes it more meaningful since you weren't expecting it so she's at the point where she's just pulling out change and i'm thinking you know what it's only like 20 dollars i'll pay for her even though i really didn't enjoy this date i tell her i can pay for you it's no big deal but she's insistent on paying her share i literally cannot convince her to save her own money so we get up to the counter to pay and she seems apathetic no longer interested in talking to me so once we get out of denny's i ask hey are you alright you seem indifferent she says yeah it's just i hate the rain it wasn't even raining driving nowhere really and i ask what she wants to do she still looks blank and says not really anything just want to go home i want to keep hanging with her to see if i can make her feel better so i throw out ideas like going to the mall movies bowling she says no to all just wants to go home okay here is a major red flag i'm driving her home and about three four minutes of dead silence she says okay so i'm going to be honest with you the reason why i'm upset is because you made me pay for myself what i explained that she was giving me signs of not wanting me to pay for her and i respected her decision to pay for herself then she rambles on about her unfair she's treated and i'm just giving her the silent treatment we get to her house and i crap you not she looks at me and says so do you want to come inside for a while i dead but look at her and say i'm sorry but no she walks off inside i drive home and she's blocked me it was my first date ever we were in a bar that was having a cover band event she went to get some drinks as i kept the table and comes back chatting to a guy seems to be her friend but after talking to him for a while it was her boyfriend that was just back from a trip he even had his travel bag with him he was such a great guy we even maintained contact for a while and after they broke up i told him about that day late to the party but here goes i messaged a girl a couple of times on a dating app and never heard from her again so i thought that was the end of it about two weeks later she randomly answers saying sorry for not responding but she was in a car crash and blah blah even sent me a picture of a crashed car this set off some alarms but i figure frick it so we chatted a bit and she wanted to meet up to smoke some weed and she was cute so i figured why not i arrive at her place and she gets in the car muttering something about her rumored taking a poop in the toilet and having a conversation with her while she's in the shower oh look as we are driving to a spot to smoke she starts telling me about the car crash and how it was a drunk driver that hit her and how my dad is a hells angel so he'll just get my dad and his buddies to pay him a visit excuse me was all i said and she repeated what she just said this time implying some broken bones would be made and that she might even get her dad's hell's angel law to sue him as well now at this point we have started smoking so i was wondering if i was hearing her right so i asked to hell's angel lawyer and she freaking snapped back that's what i just said so needless to say she was freaking me out major by this time and i kept looking in my rear view mirror half expecting to see her dad on his bike swinging a chain above his head but nothing she said some other crazy crap about working four jobs and that all of them were linked to the hell's angels in some way so after about 40 minutes of smoke and hearing all her hells angels stories i politely took her home and my excuse was i had to be up early i dropped her off and said it was nice meeting you with a smile and a wave i cannot tell you how happy i was after i drove off in fact i was so happy to be away from the potential biker gang daughter that i started laughing my butt off full on maniacal laughter just pure joy kind of laughing i'll never forget how happy that laugh was knowing i was going home to just my cat and not some crazy biker chick made me really appreciate being single for a while sweet lord people who have visited the us what is your wtf america story i'm canadian and i went down to the us to do a little shopping i accidentally pulled out some canadian bills and the cashier asked why i kept monopoly money in my wallet a lot of people might say it was just sarcasm i don't think it was the cashier looked around 16 years old she had probably never seen canadian money before when i started awkwardly chuckling she had a puzzled look on her face but who knows maybe she was just really invested in a joke as a michigander it is always common to pay with accidental canadian and to receive the accidental canadian currency it pisses me off when i didn't pay attention those gaps in your toilet store doors what are they even for to clarify i meant the gaps in the sides of the door not the bottom peeking i visited from canada a couple years ago everyone was very nice and had the exact same mildly interested reaction to a credit card with a chip we've finally started transitioning to these in the last year or year and a half we're a bit behind after moving from africa as a teen i am repeatedly asked why i moved to africa in the first place to which i reply that i've always lived there i am also asked so why are you white to which i reply oh my god karen you can't just ask people why they're white however when they reply with blank stares i realize they aren't referencing mean girls some other questions commercial africa is one country and all the borderlines are like states commonwealth there you know buildings comey you guys have memes over there right comma are you australian australian here i went to houston last year and spoke to a girl my age in the airport we got chatting about uni college it was around july and she asked me if i was on my summer vacation i casually explained i was on my winter break she was genuinely confused and did not understand how it was summer in the us but winter in australia i tried to explain but eventually gave up an american once complimented me on my excellent english when i told her i was from australia aussie here when i started chatting to a cashier she squealed and asked where i was from i told her australia and she instantly dumped down how she spoke do y'all speak english down there i replied sporadically she laughed and informed me that wasn't a word singaporean here i feel your pain you speak really good english for an asian [Music] when i went to the us the first time and ordered a meal from burger king ordering a large fry coke and a whopper i was blown away by the size of it all each item was larger than the same item back home i was already like wtf but then the cashier said i could have a second whopper for one dollar again i was like wtf sign me up another time while i was in daytona i went to a restaurant and the woman kept refilling my drink again and again being a bit shy i did not tell her to stop and expected a bill with 15 for sodas but then i found out the refills were free wtf free refills i'd only seen that at places like subway but so many restaurants in the us had free refills i love the us for restaurants and food in general the portions are massive and very reasonably priced went to walmart the fabled creatures there are just as the internet portrays them as nonetheless still mind-blowing my first trip into a walmart i saw a man in a brass button blazer with perfectly brill creamed hair sparkling white teeth orange skin and white slacks that looked like he had stepped right out of an advert from the 1950s he was with a very large woman wearing i love my gay daughter t-shirt i was so happy how spread out everything is like it's pretty much impossible for me to survive without a car while everywhere i needed to go on a regular basis back in london was in a 10 minute biking distance also the number of pickup trucks people owned without needing it has come to my attention that the city i live in jacksonville florida is the widest city in the 48 contiguous states of the us with a population of just under 1 million that explains a lot especially out here in the west the metro area i live in is like eight percent the size of london population wise but it'll take you 45 minutes by car to drive from one side of town to another if you live anywhere in america outside of washington dc new york boston downtown chicago or a few other places it's vital to own a car every single one of you bastards asked me where in england i was from i'm from australia pretty much as far away from england as you can get without leaving the planet asked a girl in the hooker lunge if she knew where new zealand my home country was she replied asking is that the country above us well it is a globe if you get the angle right you'll hit new zealand eventually [Music] a universal wtf for both foreign and u.s citizens the golden corral everything was submerged in liquid butter the patrons were larger than some cars one time at golden corral many years back i saw an overweight guy in suspenders whose chest primarily due to the suspenders was a freaking square he wasn't round instead he was wide but flat he was only about five feet five inches so that likely played a role into his geometric shape as well was the most mind-blowing thing i'd ever seen from a golden corral i'd never been out of australia before in australia only farmers and cops have guns and some criminals i guess so i had never seen a gun that wasn't in a cops holster in my entire 30-year existence we go to the u.s for our honeymoon and have the honor and privilege of visiting a walmart the guns are just on the shelf you can touch them a fellow aussie friend who was with us at the time asked the cashier if she could hold one he looked at her as if she had asked if it was okay to breathe the store's hair can i hold one this big one she asked incredulous sure if you want to the guy said confused and bored at the same time she picked up this big butt gun sorry not a gun guy don't know what it was it was about the size of a shotgun but was bulkier and was getting us to take photos of her with it if i had a gun like that at home and walked outside my house with it someone would drive past and see me in about 10 seconds they would call the cops which would take about 30 seconds the police station is just up the road so i estimate a cop car would arrive in about three minutes and it would take about 10 seconds for a cop to ask me politely to jump in his car and come for a nice chat down at the police station but it would be fun for four minutes honeymoon was not literally at walmart honeymoon was too weak contiki tour followed by one week in nyc fun times about the size of a shotgun but was bulkier that sounds like a shotgun i was in vegas with three danish friends and we were very hungover three of us not the driver we decided to go for a drive in the convertible after 15 minutes a police officer on a bike drives up next to us and just stares into the car this lasted like 5-10 seconds so the driver turns his head and asks anything wrong officer the officer replied in a super angry tone keep your mouth african eyes on the math african road he continued to follow us for about a mile just staring at us super freaking creepy also had bad police experiences in florida new york and san diego some people join because they honestly want to help people and then a distressing segment joins because they are power hungry psychopaths i'm from canada and the first thing i saw upon my arrival to port angeles washington which happened to be the first time i stepped foot in the states was a large spherical lady sitting in the middle of the sidewalk blocking my path to the bus terminal just staring at me another time i was in san diego one summer and a woman genuinely curious asked me if it was summer in vancouver too on a bus going into new york city from new jersey there was a middle-aged white man on the bus as he goes to get off the bus i noticed the tip of a used condom hanging out of the back pocket of his khaki pants instead of saying thank you as he is leaving the bus he tells the young black female bus driver not too bad for being black dude was not masturbating on the bus nor did he frick the bus driver he was sitting a few seats away from me that would be an even more wtf moment which i would have included in my original post that's just uncle bob he's harmless do you know any vikings asked by a nice young blonde with a straight and serious face in mcdonald's i'm from denmark also good god texas has a lot of fat people i went to applebee's mistake number one i guess i was then served by a nice young lady called brittany who asked me with a serious face if we have trees in scotland sorry about that everyone knows brittany is an idiot brit here we went to ruby tuesdays in the florida mall and saw a woman take a bowl from the salad bar fill it with ranch dressing and sit back at her table eating it like it was soup luckily that wasn't the only treat florida had for us on that trip i think florida is just like one giant walmart i was in an uber going to the airport and the driver asked where i was flying to i said hong kong he asked if i spoke japanese i told him that we speak chinese in hong kong he says what's the difference ages genuinely didn't know that japanese and chinese were different languages went into a shop they had spray on cheese i don't think the majority of americans here know how ridiculous that sounds to the rest of us spray on cheese i'm from the uk lived in the us for about five years now few things that annoy me you want to get a loan for a new car there's a fee for that on top of the interest you want to take money out of the atm there's a fee for that you want to exchange some currency there's a fee for that on top of the exchange spread your product has money off you'll have to send something to receive it they hope you can't be bothered pretty much any service someone will try to make a few extra dollars off you credit unions are your friend as in spokane at silverwood amusement park and asked where the washroom was i was promptly told there were no washrooms in the park this happened a good handful of times and it never even occurred to me that i had to say restroom to receive any real help weird although we don't typically say washroom i can't imagine someone not knowing that it is synonymous with bathroom sounds like you ran into a handful of real boneheads i visited america recently and there are so many more people than i'm used to i come from new zealand and our biggest city only has about 1.3 to 1.5 million people in it and the total population is around 4.471 million people and even auckland is too big for me i'm a wellington man for sure i'm canadian and have visited the united states multiple time and have had an overall enjoyable experience on each one i wouldn't blame this on america but i saw a fat bald middle-aged man standing on the side of a pennsylvania highway with bunny ears i'm sure this happens in canada too but this is the first time i've seen something like this i saw a fat bald middle-aged man standing on the side of a pennsylvania highway with bunny ears easter bunny has had a rough few years people just don't care about jesus coming back anymore well i hadn't even arrived yet in the us but in the plane as a foreigner you have to fill a paper to enter the country with various questions among which did you come to murder the president of the united states wtf america president is murdered he selected no in that field of the form there's no way we could have stopped him i'm american but live in france at the moment french people love telling me about the time they went to the us and the crazy things that they saw two of my favorites are one a friend was complaining about the food in the u.s and then said and we went to this restaurant and they only had one food only pizza and two a french friend visited the u.s and people kept saying voulez-vous culture of ekmoy cesoi to him this is a rather shocking thing to say to a stranger i visited the us never understood suburban young kids with huge trucks that clearly do not do any manual labor i visited but i also have lived here my whole life i was walking down the strip in vegas at 2 30 a.m and got talking to some lads who were making a stop on their drive cross country from college this one guy was special first thing he couldn't understand was that although it was 2 30 a.m in vegas it was 10 30 a.m in the uk then he didn't believe we'd suffered a terrorist attack in london seven stroke seven lastly no matter how i protested he refused to believe our police didn't carry guns then he stopped for a second looked really thoughtful and said ah i guess you guys don't have black people in england i went to florida shortly after there had been a hurricane and a lot of people's homes and businesses got completely trashed there were a surprising amount of local people we spoke to who were content with their livelihoods being destroyed because it was god's will i lived in the u.s for a year previously in texas over this time i got a lot of comments on my accent i'm english but the most wtf one went like this her oh i like your accent where are you from me thank you i'm from england her your english is very good me confused smiler thank you her so what language do you speak in england me laugh thinking this is a joke her deadpan confused look me english then there was the time someone was convinced i was australian i'm a northerner i have a yorkshire accent even one new person shares in this horror it's worth taking the minutes to answer on a greyhound i saw a mom mix mountain dew and breast milk in a bottle and feed it to her baby not a wtf america moment but i meant an absolute idiot in orange county kelly she was fascinated when my friend told her that we are irish she started asking crazy questions about ireland questions like do fairies really live there and is it true you guys have no electricity or roads in ireland she fully believed us when we told her that we do have roads but we have to take them in at night she also fully believed us when we told her that we only have six days in a week because we had to get rid of tuesdays [Music] i've been many times but the first time i went to downtown l.a it hit me how um glamorous parts of the us really are same with nyu step outside of the business district and things look like really old and run down waiting in the airport to fly home went to mcdonald's cause i was a bit hungry ordered a regular cheeseburger meal the fries and drink were the size of largers back in the uk tbf not completely unexpected but the crazy thing to me was i got two burgers two on just a regular meal you must have ordered the two cheeseburgers meal which exists solely to convince consumers that two is greater than one so there must be more food in there have had a few in a cleveland mall a guy runs down the elevator towards me and my group of friends yelling you guys from canada we nervously replied that we weren't asked how he could tell his reply because you all are wearing roots nyc traveling from jfk to long island city on the highway in cab get rear ended cabbie and previous driver stop get out and look our damage don't exchange info and continue on their merry ways always get escalator and elevators mixed up and in regards to the nervousness 18 years old kids in cleveland for a business competition so nerdy as frick and it's america hey who wouldn't be nervous well they're thinking is that if there's no real damage it's a waste of time to wait hours for the cops to arrive to write a ticket which may result in insurance raising your rate i've been asked what state ontario was in when i told the lady it was a province in canada she was confused like she had never ever heard of canada lol then and do we have christmas halloween and easter in canada you have highways in the philippines to be fair there was also a well-educated guy who apologized on behalf of his country for the cia-backed dictatorship they put up a while back a nice guy probably an inverted wtf moment where the americans would have thought wtf these foreigners when i uttered the sentence don't mind him he's just being a bit oversea and received stairs as if i had just threatened to blow up the whole office i tried correcting myself by saying sorry i meant a freaking prick did not improve the situation c is probably the strongest swear word you can use outside of racial slurs a classmate in university back in 2003 do you have computers in india did you go to school on your elephant yes and yes that's why it's so easy to ride your mom my first trip to walmart i was kind of overwhelmed by the sheer variety and range of food producer had and then i looked at a banana stand which was just a plastic stick with a u on top that's it for eight dollars went to texas to visit some friends when we got to their place the first thing they said was wanna see our guns having never seen a real gun in my life i was pretty excited they were cool guys though they did all have a loaded handgun on their nightstands we were in a steakhouse somewhere in new jersey we told the waitress that we were from korea and she said oh that's a city in japan right i really want to go to japan our great grandparents were forced out of their land and killed in manchuria by the japanese during their occupation of korea i had trouble calming my dad down pretty much every question i was asked made me go wtf do you have running water in new zealand do you have glass windows do you have chickens over there do you guys have apples that was asked while they were holding an apple with a sticker saying it was imported from nz why don't you go live on the mainland i found out after a while that they meant australia also that it's just expected that everyone will exchange their gifts and gift exchange cards are included in the gifts here you get a gift and you freaking like it whether you like it or not moments in the u.s when my friend and i decided to drive to downtown l.a and we accidentally came across the ghetto to paint a picture few hundred of people loitering on per block tents and rubbish everywhere on the street the seriously wtf moment was when we literally turned around the block and it was back to cosmopolitan area people shopping and going on with their lives starbucks but being an aussie i got asked where i was from based on my accent i responded australia full sincere moment i got asked oh australia what language do you speak over there i felt dumbfounded and guilty and said just up australian english wtf america wtf my first trip to the us in 2012 and first stop was chicago visiting a friend of my american girlfriend who was studying there so we go out on our first evening to some asian place yum and i order a coke wasn't 21 yet as in germany you can accumulate quite a bill when drinking a lot of beverages in restaurants i was not going to drink more than what i needed for the meal mind you we also don't get free water in jail which i think is awesome practice in the us what is often done when you don't want the way to rest to ask you for another order of drinks is to leave some of the beverage in the glass enough that it clearly is not just left over but could still be used to satisfy your thirst but this works reasonably well in germany now back to the asian restaurant in chicago i did exactly as described above but still the waiter came and asked if i wanted another coke i thought to myself well why not and ordered he then took my glass which still had this considerable amount of coke in it so i interrupted him and said wait no to which he replied no coke and i said yes coke but this one pointing also which seemed to totally confuse the kind waiter i then said i would like to order another coke but i would also like to finish this one but was interrupted by my girlfriend who by that point was laughing already and sent the waiter off leaving me reasonably upset before she could explain to me that non-alcoholic beverages are refilled for free in the us i knew right that moment that america was everything i ever hoped it would be three see you again soon you magnificent bastard of a country when i was living in california back in the late 90s minus 2000 the news came on and announced that one of the stories would be nato staff's bombing kosovo i turned the news up only to have to sit through the more important story first out of season reign in la i was talking to a girl years ago about the us it was around the 4th of july i'm british she's american she wished me a happy the 4th of july i told her we don't t celebrate that in the uk she didn't know understand why good riddance day as we call it when our american friends celebrate it here an excuse for food drink and a party so i'm all for it okay i think people who do this are stupid but i see the need to join their ranks a capital t just got back from miami told a woman who was walking her cat that my girlfriend and i thought her cat was cute she then told us she is not a prostitute and nor was the cat as an american that's just a weird response also catwalkers tend to be somewhat strange says the girl debating on buying a leash for her cat a friend of mine lived in virginia for some years for school and the locals it was an average-sized town not some hillbilly [ __ ] asked him if we had cars electricity internet or fridges in luxembourg anyone asking of course we don't have those things in luxembourg that's how we became one of the richest countries on earth by staying in the stone age don't let anyone fool you to think we all have glass fiber internet and government paid education and healthcare that includes massages it's all lies we all live under iraq mine was on the flight home we just landed and i overheard the following exchange mom where are we amsterdam it's in germany well at one point in time she wasn't too wrong i'm from sweden and visited new york a few summers ago with my family we had just gotten off the bus and my step-sister was feeling really nauseous from the bus ride she walks up to a garbage can and takes a few deep breaths trying to not vomit suddenly a guy in a suit with a briefcase walks up asks if she's alright tells her to wait there and comes back a few seconds later with a bottle of water for her just a complete stranger that's not something you'd see in sweden i went to the us's summer to work for my uncle's company in la for eight weeks i'm currently studying at university in the uk i decided to fly up to san francisco to visit my cousin for the weekend and flew from lax after my return flight i was about to exit the lax american terminal when all the police around me got their guns out and started shouting about a shooter at the airport chaos erupted around me with people everywhere throwing their suitcases to the floor and screaming i had no idea what to do i had just bought a tee from starbucks and i didn't really want to throw it on the floor and run about so i followed this stampede of people through the terminal i found a room to hide in with 20 other people we all lay on the floor being quiet trying to stay calm people all around me calling their loved ones saying their goodbyes it was insane i didn't have any service on my atnt phone so i just sat there drinking tea contemplating what i would do if a gunman appeared i realize now it was the most british thing to do at that moment we were in there for 25 minutes when we got told it was clear all of this happened because the police heard a loud noise and there was someone dressed as zorro which raised suspicions wtf america they have bank drive-throughs they go to the bank like they go to mcdonald's saw them in new jersey around five years ago one summer when we visited some friends out in tennessee and we're eating fresh deer he'd shot that afternoon off his bbq drinking beer and sharing differences in culture at which point out of nowhere he pulls out a pellet gun and shoots a squirrel from the top of a phone line he then proceeded to cut wash clean and cook the squirrel tasted like chicken i have no doubt that if there was a global apocalypse it might take tennessee a few years to notice and only because they stopped making more bud light the food holy crap me and my sister would occasionally share meals because there was so much of it and there'd still be loads left behind as an american i don't understand this i usually eat all of my food whoa i'm 14 5 ft 6 inches and weigh 101 pounds not overweight by any means but i couldn't having the mcdonald's medium be the large the flags man the flags i used to joke with my mom that if my career doesn't work out i'm just gonna open a flag shop in the us my dad lives in america and i visited him for the first time in 10 years last september the first thing he did was take me to the local police gun range where i was told how to fire a fully automatic assault rifle a semi-automatic rifle and a variety of pistols they didn't even know my name and they put a gun in my hands and told me to shoot at a target best freaking day ever that's the american dream right there visited miami a few years ago with a friend we started a brief conversation with the hotel porter and told him we were from london he goes hey i know some british slang throughout our stay whenever he saw us we were greeted with hay what's up wankers and good morning you miserable sea was hilarious back in the 90s i was in san francisco in australia i had never seen a beggar but there were heaps of them in san francisco anyway i was walking around and this beggar comes up to me shaking his candful of coins in my face he never said a word just shook his can in my face so i said to him no thanks mate i've got enough coins of my own he gave me a look of wtf that is my wtf america story i'm definitely using this one sometime [Music] stayed at a hotel in new york and the tv had only one program commercials for medicine and the style of the tv spots was outrageous as if they were selling magic pills [Music] here is the conversation i had with a cashier in a dunkin donuts in ohio her you speak funny me hum i have an accent i'm french canadian her what do you mean me well english isn't my first language her so you're not deaf because you speak really slowly and in a weird way me it's a french accent her okay i understand okay it's a canadian accent weird i mean they weren't wrong it is a canadian accent first city i came to in u.s was to la and went to malibu beach with a friend my first reaction was i was told there would be fat people everyone were fit as frick i was ashamed to take off my shirt ah yeah see fat people don't go to the beach as a fat person i can confirm this if we do we spend all our time in at least shoulder depth water while we stare at the beautiful beach bodies we'll never get to touch [Music] i was in ella 2002 went into a petrol station in englewood on my way to west hollywood there was an old korean guy behind the counter and one middle-aged white women shopping two minutes after i walked in a low rider with five black guys rolled into the station now i'm black but i'm from london but these guys looked gangster as heck and were all black four of them walked into the shop while one was pumping petrol the moment they walked in they started swearing at the old korean guy cussing him out this went on for half a minute me and the old white lady looked at each and both thought this place was going to get robbed the old korean guy was standing behind the counter and had this calm look on his face the whole time and as soon they were done swearing he just came out said you black soul eating mother suckers need shut your big lips cuz i don't understand one word of what you just said everything went quiet and i started to crouch down thinking this where i'm going to die just as i started to hide all the black guys burst out laughing and were falling all over each other and the old korean man was laughing as well it turns out this how they greet each other every time they come into the shop me the old white lady had the exact same look of relief on our faces it was like seen out of russia first time visiting new york city on our first night my wife and i stayed at a hotel just through the tunnel in new jersey we're just leaving a diner to walk back to our hotel when a bakery van is t-boned right in front of us by a speeding sedan the van is hit so hard that it flips over spilling stuff everywhere the sedan half totaled spins around and begins to speed off my wife and i are sprinting towards the van as the driver is still inside i stop to try and get the plate number of the hit and runner as he speeds past us and he nearly kills me in the process the driver of the bakery van is stumbling injured down the sidewalk while his smoking vehicle lies on its side in the middle of the intersection my wife is screaming call him to sit down and 911 he's in shock mumbling about how he's going to be late for work state cops and an ambulance showed up pretty quickly they took statements from us about the hit and run and took my photo within the process the canadian how the cop asked staying in town here yeah i replied it's our first night the cop smirks at me and goes what do you think so far i lived in the midwest as a kid but i am australian i had a women who genuinely thought we took a bridge to get to america from australia i had a teacher who would not let me into the classroom in the morning unless i said a dingo stole my baby i was in grade 2 and had no clue what it meant this same teacher would make me recite the pledge of allegiance my sister showed up on the first day of school to find the discipline corner was australia with the badly drawn map that didn't include tasmania because that was where the convicts go and lastly the men of people children and adults asking me if we rode kangaroos that discipline corner should be enough to report the teacher because as aussies we hate foreigners reminding our convict history walking into a supermarket and seeing the endless cereal lanes in the amount you can choose from blew my mind also when i was working in a camp over a summer i was devastated to see that the people who ran the place would actually choose to use throw away dishes cups and cutleries instead of normal ones i don't know if that's typical but it sure hurt my eco protecting side to see all the waste just one day would generate had a good time though fifteen-year-old me took a trip to a walmart near capcod firstly your skittles are different uk grape equals blackberry apple equals lime and grape candy is weird secondly my father saying man all the fat people must be a myth followed by a morbidly obese man on a scooter who also happened to be a shriner yet his scooter had horrific anti-arab text on it back in the good old days skittles used to have lime instead of apple in the us then 9 11 happened and nothing was the same i went to the daytona 500 in 2008 an obese lady sitting next to me ate a large turkey leg and proceeded to wash her hands with her beer afterwards because she didn't have the energy to go to the washroom this is so american i stood up and started saying the pledge of allegiance [Music] big fat guy at the grand canyon loudly informing his family that the geological information signs were plainly incorrect because they conflicted with scripture also my wife had a miscarriage while we were there the health care system kinda worked okay for us because we had travel insurance to cover the costs of all treatments but i would sure hate to be poor in your country when i went to blizzcon and there were people with jesus hates video game signs might not be the exact words on the signs but the message is the same you put a man on the moon almost 50 years ago yet you haven't come up with a way to make toilet doors without gaps in them oh we have it's just cheaper not too i once bought gum in buffalo ny and i told the cashier i had exact change and she looked at me square in the eye and said sir i honestly don't give a crap brit here rather than get the usual do you know the queen a guy in a bar asked me what the bridge was called that connected england to scotland i told him i didn't know hadrian's bridge [Music] being greeted sir how are you doing by a young soldier in austin airport who just got back from service in afghanistan this would never happen in india because anyone with a uniform here thinks they are a superior species and others are merely to be tolerated thus apart was just pleasantly unbelievable pure gentlemanliness that two towards a brown skinned foreigner on my first day in the usa i saw someone who was at least as fat as anyone i had ever seen before in my life on each subsequent day while i was in the usa i saw someone at least as fat again my family made it a game to spot the fattest person each day the backwards writing on the roads down slow it's like someone assumed your gaze is fixed as you drive along so you see the slow first then the down but that's not how people read that's more for traffic if the car in front of you drives over the writing the first thing that you'll see will be slow which is more important than seeing down first this may seem minor but i've only been to maine and i found it very odd that people would have opened bibles in their windows facing out do people randomly stop to read them this wasn't just one or two homes it was many american here i have no clue but that is really weird had my first experience of the us in nyc disclaimer i found it incredible the people super friendly and a rangers game blew my mind a homeless woman doing the toilet on an underground train then getting angry at people for looking at her was probably my wtf highlight doing the toilet i love it visiting different parts of the us can be kinda wtf i'm originally from the north east and visiting the midwest we stopped in a minute and that was a culture shock if you want some lumber a lawnmower a dress shirt a frozen pizza a gallon of milk a fishing pole a toy for your niece and a giant assorted bag of candy menez is your one stop shop at seaworld i got out of the way to let a person in a motorized scooter behind me see into the tank they got up then and walked forward and took my place against the glass i was really confused i didn't understand that some non-paralyzed people choose to use motorized scooters i have yet to see this in any other country edit to be clear guys i'm not putting people down for using scooters just it surprised me since i had never encountered partially disabled people using them until i traveled to the states when i see a motorized aid of any kind i assume the person is severely disabled like they have a degenerative muscular condition because this has always been the case where i'm from i thought someone was breaking cover and openly revealing that they had been faking paralysis in front of a crowd i expected the crowd to react it is extremely unusual for a non-paralyzed person to use a motorized wheelchair let alone scooter outside america edit too i've started a bad thing in the comments i didn't intend my wtf came from not understanding what i was seeing at the time the way you use motorized chairs is potentially confusing for people from countries where motorized chairs are used exclusively by paralyzed people this was my lack of experience as an outsider and not a condemnation i know better now i didn't mean to add to a pre-existing debate between americans about your use of scooters i was once nursing a sore throat in new york and i was walking down this long stairway to get to the subway and i was clearing my throat as soon as i got down this elderish gentleman turned around and yelled if you have a problem with emmy just freaking say i t i just stared at him like the awkward seal meme definitely wtf america i'm from england and studied at college in ga for a year i was about 24 at the time late starter so i was more than accustomed to enjoying the occasional alcoholic beverage anyway i make the short trip to a gas station in order to buy a six-pack and they ask me for it i willingly offer my british passport to the cashier with a smile and i'm told that they don't accept it wtf it's a bp gas station british petroleum seriously pee me off was staying in a hotel in boston one of the workers there was fascinated by my accent and asked where i was from i said island to which you replied oh cool so where is island i never thought i'd have to give directions to ireland but it kinda boiled down to come out of the hotel take a left and keep going for about 4500 km at least 30 huge women marching into a walmart in a single file line almost all of them with hull stood handguns on their belts all of them went straight to the mcdonald's never breaking formation never saying a word except to the cashier it was majestic like a squadron of fully armed zeppelin floating by during world war ii when we entered the us at niagara border crossing we had to fill out some ridiculous forms it even asked if i took part in nazi germany's crimes wtf dude i was 14 years old back in 2008 go to catch those compulsively honest time traveling nazis ihop 8am a family of four sitting around a table meant for six the dad had to use two chairs inhaling pancakes and just the night before i was telling my american i don't know why americans are considered fat when i visited the la area a few years back canadians my buddy and i needed to get from venice beach to downtown so we can catch the lakers game and check into our hostel we decided to just take the city bus over two separate times we drove by three four guys face down with cops pointing guns at them seemed very america the laws on alcool always baffles me you can get in a car at 16 but you can't get near a bar till you're 21 in france you can't drink all chihul in a bar till 16 for beer and 18 for stronger all chill but no law against drinking alcohol if bought by adults it's the adult responsibility when we was in utah we sat in a restaurant and ordered some food beers and whiskey and we wanted to order a second round of beers but the waiter told us that we can't drink that much of alcohol in an hour so we have to wait an hour seriously wtf that's not america that's utah come up to wisconsin we have no such inhibition do you intend to enter the united states to commit a crime ever since i read that back in the early 90s i've wondered how many people take yes wtf indeed on holiday when i was about 12 in provincetown massachusetts too insanely fat i mean like sofa sized lesbians trundling down the middle of the road side by side on mobility scooters whilst holding hands i know they were lesbians because one of them started making quite aggressively sexual passes at my mum well p-town is the gayest place on the entire east coast nowadays that's kind of the whole point of the town or some place to visit just do your research beforehand since there are several themed weeks and events that cater to certain crowds and tastes if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Internet Is Fun

Views: 57,838

Rating: 4.7761836 out of 5

Keywords: weird, weirdest, weird reddit stories, weird reddit posts, weird reddit, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, emkay, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit school, r/askreddit how to

Id: f3jBHodNogY

Length: 138min 23sec (8303 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 13 2021