- [Amanda] Have you heard of gaslighting? It's a popular term that
describes manipulative behavior. Gaslighting is detrimental
to someone's mental and emotional health. Educating yourself on the signs of gaslighting can help you
maintain a protective boundary against those who may
try to take advantage of you in this way. Identifying there are ill
intent can help you minimize a gaslighter's attempts to control you through stirring mistrust in yourself. Here are five signature signs that what you think is
a simple disagreement may actually be gaslighting. (soothing music) Number one, they invalidate your feelings. It's normal for disagreements
to cause emotional distress in all parties involved. However, if you find that
someone makes comments, such as, "You're being sensitive," or, "You're so weak," when you express your needs, take it as a possible sign that
gaslighting may be involved. Gaslighters don't take your emotions and opinions into account because their goal is to mold reality to fit their needs best. By convincing you that you're
the problem instead of them, they get rid of the need
to take accountability for their own misbehaviors or flaws. When facing a gaslighter who
invalidates your feelings, remember first and foremost
that your feelings are valid. Recognize that your capacity to identify and speak out about your
emotional needs is a sign of emotional intelligence. Stick to your truth. Number two, they make
you question yourself and your sanity. Disagreements have the potential for good. They can help us shift our perspective and broaden what might have been a narrow and limiting thought process for you. A gaslighter, however, will not only leave you worse off but will create feelings
of self doubt within you that lingers long after
the conversation is over. Notice how you feel
after the conversation. Do you feel you have more clarity, or do you feel less sure of yourself and the situation as a whole? Gaslighters can manipulate
your perception of yourself by intentionally making hurtful remarks about your intelligence, memory capabilities, or competence, which then allows them to brainwash you into thinking their
perception is more accurate. Put a stop to it by either
disengaging entirely or by refusing to react to their words and maintaining a strong sense of self. Number three, they intend
to make you feel small. Going into a disagreement with a goal of gaining a better understanding or finding clarity can often
benefit a relationship. On the other hand, a gaslighter's trademark purpose
is to make you feel small, undervalued, and alone. You'll find that their
words and phrases are used in malicious ways that can benefit them by keeping you mentally
where they want you to be and bringing gradual harm to you both mentally and emotionally. Gaining the upper hand in a conversation with a gaslighter starts by
understanding their behavior from their point of view. In knowing their goals and intentions, you're more quickly able
to divert the discussion and protect yourself. Number four, they don't
take responsibility for their words and actions. After a disagreement, it's not uncommon for
there to be apologies and accountability taken on the side of all parties involved. Gaslighters are the exception. Instead of taking responsibility
for ways they've hurt you or admitting to their faults, they're more likely to
lie and make statements, such as, "I've never said that before," or, "Your memory is terrible, I've never done that." It may be difficult to
refute a gaslighter's lies when they appear, but it's important to
not allow their attempts to skew your sense of reality to succeed. If you're able to discredit them vocally, do so with a sense of conviction. If not, keep in mind that the most important
thing is to salvage your mental well-being
and choose to move on even if this means not
getting the apologies or fairness you deserve. And number five, you feel anxious about
interacting with them. If a relationship is strained enough, you may both begin to feel tense at the thought of
interacting with one another. But if you start to find yourself walking on eggshells around a particular person, consider that it might
be because of the way they purposefully make you
feel negative about yourself when you talk to them. These manipulative tendencies in someone else can cause you to want as little interaction
with them as possible. Yet this can be difficult to do, especially if the person
plays a big role in your life, for example, a partner, a close friend, a family member, or someone at work or school. Think about how your gaslighter has negatively influenced you in the past, and write down ways in which
you had responded instead. Also remember that not all discomfort is because of gaslighting, those uncomfortable feelings could be due to other reasons. So did you find yourself relating to any of the things we've mentioned here? At the end of the day, you're not responsible for
the behaviors of a gaslighter no matter how much they may
try to make you believe so. It's not up to you to make
them change their ways. And their inability or unwillingness to do so is not a reflection
of your worth as a person. If you or anyone else
you know is struggling with mental and emotional well-being, please seek help and talk to a mental healthcare professional today. Getting in touch with the right person can be a great first step
to getting back on track. What are some things you've learned? What's something you
wish to learn more about? What has been your experience? Write them down in the comments. And as always, thank you so much for watching. We'll see you in our next video. (soothing music)
