(groans) - Why were these things even
thought of in the first place? Sometimes it's hard to get something done. And you need a good kick
in the pants to get moving. And that's just what this invention does. Give you a kick in the behind. But without needing
anyone to do it for you. Officially filed on January 4th, 2000 as a user operated amusement apparatus for kicking the user's buttocks. This patent invented by Joe W Armstrong offers a repetitive butt kicking as its essentially a windmill
with shoes for sails. To operate, the user
simply needs to step onto the customized platform, bend over with their back to the wheel of the fake feet and manually spin the two handed cranks. The cranks pull up a
strap that turns an axle installed underneath
the user's actual feet, that in turn spins the kicking apparatus which of course delivers a
number of much needed boots to the butt. Ew, what did Armstrong
invent when someone told him get your butt in gear? Remember when you were a kid
playing on the swing set? And suddenly decided that
simply going back and forth wasn't enough for you? So you started pulling
on either of the chains alternating from one side to the other so you'd swing side to side instead? Well we all did it. But prepare to kick yourself, because you should've patented that action when you had the chance. That's just what Steve Olson did, filing for such a patent
on November 17, 2000. Specifically, this
patent is for the action of swinging side to
side on a standard swing that's suspended by two chains from a horizontal tree branch. Keep in mind, there is no actual product
here being patented. Just the actual action, which usually resulted
in upsetting any swingers unfortunate enough to be
sitting on either side of you. Olson's patent was successfully published on April 9, 2002. Though it's very unclear just how he could get away with that. I could see this freak show, that's going up to kids on the playground. Hey you, stop that! You give me all your lunch money, I patented it! If there's something you
should definitely patent as soon as you either invent
it or stumble across it, it's living forever. That's exactly what this guy did. Though the invention's legitimacy
is definitely in question. Filed on April 2nd 1997 and officially patented
on November 23rd 1999, this cure for death comes in
the form of a magnetic ring that must be worn on the little finger of the hand to work optimally. Though, it can be worn
on any finger, thumb or even your toes. Created by Alexander YC Chiu, the patent goes on to claim that if the ring is worn properly by orientating the permanent
north and south pole magnets on it, you will experience
greater strength and speed of the magnetic flux current
inside your blood stream. This will increase your health, boost your immune system and help you stave off illness as long as your body is balanced. So as long as you remain that way, you can live indefinitely. Because magnets! Just because it's a
ridiculous thing to patten doesn't mean that it won't
be beneficial to some people. And as a great example,
I give to you a device that answers the common question, "hey, was that a person
that I just ran over?" That's right, on May 31st 2001, a patent was filed for a product that could reveal with what the inventors
deem as high reliability if an impact a person
operating a motor vehicle has had recently was a living, breathing person or anything else. Using sensors attached
to the bumper and hood, the system is aware of any sudden stops, and measures the weight of
anything that touches it to report back the likelihood
that you might be in trouble. Of course, the system doesn't warn you that you're about to hit the person, nor does it stop the act
from actually happening. It just informs you of fleeing the scene comes with a traffic charge or one second degree murder charge. Well that seems useful! Listen man, just because you're a baby or ridiculously old doesn't mean that you can't
keep up with the latest fashion trends even when it comes to undergarments. Invented by Mary Maalouf and filed on January 19th 2005, this patent is for something that's cringy and inappropriate for some but may leave you going yeah, I see it. Especially if you can
no longer fully control your number one and number twos. Well that invention is the thong diaper. An amazing attempt at making the catching of our
involuntary bowel movements more modern and of course fashionable. An obvious problem for these diapers is the way that thongs fit leaving the back end open with
little to the imagination. So in reality, these
things can actually work. Sorry to any new moms and dads looking for a cooler looking baby man. Or elderly people with a zest
for living a sexier life while still adjusting to bowel control. Yeah, these won't help you. No. Wearing sunglasses is hard. What with putting those
curved handle things behind your ears? Yuck. It's about time that someone
changed the way that we wear our eye coverings so that we can look even cooler without the difficulty of
unfolding a pair of Aviators. Well, on May 24th 1996, David K Peschal and Alexander Zad Nosler filed a patent for a system that magnetically attaches
eyewear to a person. Specifically one that
didn't require silly handles or even your ears. What it does require however is having two magnetic
rings attached to your head. With adhesives that
attract pieces of metal that are in the two ends of
the pair of templeless glasses. This patent has been updated a few times to make sure nobody steals an idea created under the notion that attaching magnets to
either side of your head is much less cumbersome than just wearing glasses
with arms on them. Yeah. It's a great idea. Well anyone that has a cat
and enjoys using a laser to make it run around. You know, chasing that tiny little red dot, until it gets bored of not catching it or injured by the
inevitable smack to its head as it takes a header in to the wall, you may owe two inventors money. That's because of November 2nd 1993, Kevin T Amiss and Martin H Abbott actually patented it. Their filing includes sweeping beams at angular speeds and constantly keeping it
out of the feline's reach so what remains curious and occupied while getting exercise. You know exactly the same way millions of people were doing it before the patent existed. Incredibly, this was not the only time a laser pet toy was patented. As at least four other
groups or individuals somehow successfully patented using a laser to occupy a curious animal. Maybe the patent office just
really needed money that week and they were just approving everything. Should've patented hand socks. Those bastards. Excellent! Now little toddler Timmy can play on his sweet wheels and look cool while getting
a little yard work done. That's all thanks to this sweet, yet totally unsafe invention from the brilliant mind of Deanna F Porath from Montgomery, Alabama. Originally filed on June 29th 1982, this patent for a pedal operated mower combines all the fun of
riding a three wheeled cycle with the rush of excitement children get from carefully mowing
in smooth parallel lines across a grassy surface. Unlike most non lawn
care adapted tricycles which have the pedals on the front wheel, the mower has the pedal
centered and attached to a chain like a bicycle would. So the user is turning the back wheel instead of the front. You know, say what you
want about the dangers, I say it's about time toddlers started pulling their weight around the house for chores and other things that might cut their tiny toes off. Oh my god. Don't use this item. Ah man, talk about a genius. I don't know who's crazier. The guy who filed this one, or the clerk who approved it? Filed on December 2nd 1999, this patent is entitled Animal Toy. And the invention its about is exactly what it sounds like. It's a toy for your dog. See the thing is, that toy must be pretty popular because it's pretty much everywhere and free. And that's because this
so called invention which claims it's meant to be fetched carried, or chewed by a canine is quite literally drum roll (drum roll) a stick. The inventor Ross Eugene Long III actually managed to
successfully patent a stick that you can pick up under any tree as long as its main use as your property is to give to your dog. The patent information
goes on to allow the toy to be made of plastic,
rubber or wood composites but so long as it has
at least one protrusion extending out of its main
body in its invention. Well, I guess nobody threw
a stick for their dog before 1999. (fart) Well, here it is people! No longer will you have to worry about clearing out a room
full of gagging friends or coworkers or peeling the paint off your walls with the gas that you expelled. That's because there's now
the flatulence deodorizer. Owned by Flat-D Innovations Incorporated a company that boasts that they've been the leader in flatulence odor control
products over the last 14 years, the flatulence deodorizer was patented in April of 2000 and is essentially a pad that
sits between your gas chute and the outside world. The pads come in disposable
or reusable forms and are made with a charcoal cloth pad and double sided tape to keep it in place while
you're moving or sitting. Though this of course is a
hilarious invention to market, the company takes their
product incredibly seriously while numerous reviewers claim that they thought that it
was being sold as a gag gift. Nah man. Farts are serious business. Well that was enlightening. But just as a reminder to you guys, my limited edition
t-shirt is only available for two weeks until June 5th. And once they're gone,
they're gone forever. So, make sure you get yours
now before it sells out by clicking the little eye
on your screen right now, or the link under this video. And don't forget, I'll have a brand new
video for you tomorrow at three eastern standard time. So make sure you come by then! Have a great day.
