06/08/20 Deacon Peter Grodi

[Music] good evening and welcome to the journey home I'm Marcus Grodi your host for this program we're coming to you during this pandemic time for those of you that are watching this program sometime in the future and as I've said that some of my more recent programs that during this time of course we we aren't getting live guests to join me on the program not because I don't have a long list of potential guests but we're not doing much traveling anymore so we've used a variety of programs during this last couple of weeks but then today I was sitting in my office and I had a guest in my office who was happening to visit his mother and me on the farm and we were talking and we thought wow what a great opportunity he's never been a guest on the journey home but then he has so my guest tonight is my middle son Peter welcome to the journey home Peter you dad I appreciate it it's great I'm just amazed that we've never done this with all the years but it just jinlun where you've been and were we can say is the first time I've been at home for an extended period of time and cash six years seven years maybe right Yeah right right so and those of you that are seeing Peter and and seeing him sit there with us collar on that's a part of the reason he's home and part of the reason I wanted to have him on the program tonight because he's right at the cusp of something that we prayed about for a real long long long time what is that Peter well come June 27th I'll be ordained a priest the Catholic Church it's very excited for that it's been a long journey of course four years of college six years of seminary and a lot of Prayer and discernment and wrestling with God and with myself so it's pretty exciting for it to happen obviously some strange circumstances under under which it is is it going to happen but any port in the storm as they say well I did mention a moment ago that this was kind of his first time on the program actually Peter did appear on the program once before for those of you have long term viewers of the program may remember this but here appeared a long time ago and as we before we move on to your story Peter we're gonna take just a glimpse to see Peters first appearance on the journey home first of all thank you for joining me in the journey home it's always a pleasure and I asked another person to join us on the set my middle son Peter came with me on this trip a couple years ago I had my youngest Richard and the last time my older son was with we didn't get him on the set but I want Peter can I say hello anybody home there's nobody at the camera please say hello to your mother and maybe our farm animals and then the brothers good to have him with his Peters Peters been with me all weekend we were speaking at a conference in Houston and he ran the book table and he was a great little salesman wouldn't let me get close he wanted to be the manager you remember that yeah yeah obviously not much has changed a little bit of rehear relocation but other than that you know my hair isn't quite as poufy as on that particular episode but now give birth or something before them Peter it's it's just wonderful to have you here and I don't know I'd love to have your mother here talking about how long how long we've prayed for your vocation and it wasn't that we were praying we want him to be a priest we want always prayers who want you to discern what God's calling you to do and I know that's that's been your prayer but we're going to talk about that later in the program but vocation and all that maybe talk a bit about your experience as a minor in it and also I look forward to that but but as we normally do in the journey home I want you to tell me about your journey of faith sure let the folk hear about your own journey what you mentioned right before the show I was born into a and not quite yet Catholic family but but getting there you know so you mentioned I didn't quite realize the exact timing of it but you had resigned your pastor it a couple months a month or two before I was born I'm in 91 so I was born May 9 and not too long after that I think was a few months I was baptized a Catholic even though the rest of the family had not been brought to the faith yet which I believe was in the next Easter right there's a next Easter when we came in we came in actually the next December December of 92 okay so anyway it's it is funny for me to think about sometimes because as I was growing up I didn't think about the fact that our family hadn't always been Catholic you know we would sit around to the living room and we would pray a rosary and it didn't it didn't occur to me till a long time later in life that you were you guys mom and dad and in some ways my older brother John Mark we're trying to get used to the rosary just as much as you know his kids they were just you know getting used to everything we're getting used to being alive at that point and so that was interesting because I can think of ways I can think of ways that it affected how I grew up I think one of the ways that I look back and I reflect on and I'm thankful for is that I grew up with a love for Scripture already you know I remember distinctly this book now it was like a cartoon book so you know I don't think don't give all the credit to like I was this scholar or something but you know there's this great cartoon book that you had and they had these panels and these little captions and explained all that you know all the scriptures kind of as a story and I think I had gone through that whole thing like three times by the time I probably by the time I've received first communion you know but and and it's one of those things where at the time I never thought that was strange but now looking back your love for a scripture obviously had somehow found its way to us well you had always been of course both you and John Mark particularly were readers early and what you know we're very self-disciplined in that you know we we eventually homeschooled you as well as john martin richard partially because of when we were living at different places because of what was available to us but she went to the farm there we were but one of the reasons we knew that you would do well with the homeschooling was because basically you said all right what do you want me to study this good the cody room that's what you do but you had read the Bible through yeah but you said at least three times it's somewhere around the house is that old Bible that's just ripped to shreds I found it yeah I found it the other day and I wanted to find it because I wanted to know the name of it so that I could recommend it to a few parents I knew but now it was funny because when we were getting ready for first communion I remember mom was helping teach one of the religious ed classes and she was helping teach the one that I was in because that was kind of a way to you know there was a way for her to be in in in my teaching at alongside helping other kids learn well about halfway through the season she she kicked me out of her class I always had kicked me out a little harsh but she kicked me out of her class because I wouldn't stop answering questions you know and like she'd asked up about the Bible and I'd be like well I know this one you know and so she moved me off to a different class but so it was it was a bit of a different upbringing compared to probably a lot of Catholics and as you mentioned like it was kind of the Catholic version of being a pastor's kid you know because you were traveling around you were giving talks you were doing the journey home and so there's there was a certain sense of oh my my dad is is a public person and I have to not have to act a certain way but I have to be ready to field questions or you know to say to answer the question of what selected you know no marks grow ever have is it as your bed so when you talk about us praying the rosary mm-hmm in the juxtaposition of that of you just learning it as a young person because that's what we did as Catholics but your mother and I it wasn't our tradition at all right and in fact it was admittedly very difficult for us because of our background but and I want to mention that to the audience because that sometimes as a is a struggle for convert to the church sure specially when your parents I want I wanted you and your brothers to be authentic Catholics and I was just learning what that meant myself as a father and I wasn't the most perfect father in terms of those things but trying to do that I I think maybe the most important thing that I wanted to convey to you as a young person was a love for Christ and is if you look back to those days you think you caught the faith during those days when when you look back in your life beater and you know when did it become more than a cartoon picture on a book and it became something deep sure sure well as you know you know our relationship with God relationship with Jesus is this it's a relationship you know same as with anyone is it's not doesn't it doesn't start and end you know in a moment it's something that that happens in stages and there's significant moments and they're down looms and everything but I remember I remember a very distinct moment in my earlier childhood that I at least identify as the moment when I really met God in a real way Masek as a child I don't even know if I've told you this actually I told mom this the other day oh why did you on the program I know right well we'll have to drive him together I'll fill you in the rest of it but you know we we have a I have a little brother Richard which you know you probably encountered him on the show every once in awhile but it wasn't the easiest I didn't have the easiest childhood with him now mind you there's a lot of you know internal drama with that you know any big brother has trouble with his little brothers and course that's that's how life is and it seems like the biggest thing in the world when you're seven years old and you don't get along well with your little brother and so I remember this one day and I I don't remember at what happened at all but I Mara was very frustrated about something and I was very frustrated in particular because I had a great relationship with John Mark with my older brother and I'd always looked forward to having that same relationship with my little brother and it just it wasn't painting out the way I thought it was going to and so I remember I was laying on my bread bed and I was crying and in that moment somehow my you know instinctually or the Holy Spirit caused me to go to God in that moment and I asked God why did you do this to me it'll of questions probably everybody's asked at some point in their life and this is the most like overly dramatic you know thing for a kid to ask but why did you do this to me why did it why couldn't he just be normal why couldn't my relationship with him just be normal and you know I didn't have an answer you know and God didn't come down and explain it to me but I knew what he was there in that moment and I just I knew there was an answer and it's funny because then mom walked in pretty soon after that and she kind of notice and I think I sort of asked the same thing of hers like why why why why all this and she said something and I'm sure at the time she didn't know what really she was saying exactly but she said you know he's going to get you to heaven it's it's in some sense it's kind of a it can be seen as like maybe a cliche phrase or whatever but it opened up to me an aspect of the reality of who God is that I I would I just wouldn't have come to otherwise that there's meaning and suffering that God is with us in a special way and suffering and then that suffering is the way that we grow to become the men and women that God want us to be you know and so that that that's what that spark there was really huge actually for me so that was that was a childhood moment I had never heard that moment and for those of you listening on radio my guest is my son Peter Grodi but what's amazing is that was a seed that sunk into your character mm-hmm because I see that in so many ways when I see you working with people helping people helping your younger brother in very generous ways when when richard has this unique challenges and we all know that but I I see that as a seed that has led to where you're gonna go in a month mm-hmm when the bishop lays his hands on you but it had that was a seat yeah that that led to all that as you again little developing as you're young enough let's talk about that moving on from there did you know I'm traveling around a lot and so you know I I didn't get to really know you for about 15 years sure because I'm always Eddie WM good times on the farm yeah yeah I enjoyed the farm a lot remember that when we had that calf you remember that one I remember that when I always had to get him a baseball game and that's all I was really frustrated because the cap was not coming quickly and I was gonna miss the baseball game yeah and then it ended up coming quicker than we ever could come right onto your lap basically as far as I can go it's a great great times on yeah when you look back now you're getting ready to become a priest would you say that life on the farm had any particular impact on your character on your understanding of faith just the experience of sure I mean in one sense how could it not you know I mean how could how could growing up in the midst of the vestiges of God's creation you know I mean the vestige of God's person and personality present around you know I had this whole quarantine thing I've been home with my with with my dad and my mom and we've been we've been bird watching avidly birla watching but it is amazing because we wake up in the morning and go out on the porch and there's a cacophony you know like a cough any of sounds of voices of creation singing out in glory to God so just just to be around that so much as as a child to to go out and have the experience of getting up at six o'clock in the morning when it's 15 degrees out and it's dark and you got to go out and you got a milk a cow and it's just awful but but it's it was radically formative you know I remember I would sit there and in silence and I think I probably came into a relationship with silence with God in in silence throughout a lot of things that we did at the farm and you know for having a relationship with Jesus Christ in prayer that's that's an important thing to have and it's not something that's automatic these days by any means as we all know and so that that was huge but you know it with most as with most kids going through high school you know it takes a backseat to other concerns you have in your life that you don't necessarily need to be mentioned explicitly because we all know what they are you know they just those those are things that come to the center of your mind so even though I've been thinking about like priesthood before that then I started thinking that oh maybe I need to be a doctor because I need to take care of a wife and kids and things and so I started thinking about stuff and all the usual dramas happened everything but at the end of high school mom kind of forced me a little bit not exactly forced me but but pressured me to go on a retreat not retreat I have pilgrimage to Lourdes in France we went there with a group from our parish and my best friend was with us and now it's a really great time but I remember at the end of that trip we were we were at Mass and we're receiving you Christie and then came one of the one of the few times in my life where I really felt that I had almost heard the audible voice of God you know you don't have many of those in your life but every once in a while you have some time we were like whoa who is that you know and it was a it was simply God wanting me to to think about being a priest and it scared me enough at the time you know and I mentioned that not not necessary because I'm trying to tell my vocation story but because what it what what ended up happening throughout I would say the next 10 years of my life is that my growing relationship but with with Christ of learning to trust trusting Christ learn trust in his plan above all the fears and things that get in the way above the all the other stuff of the world that that kind of clause for your attentions you know an image my growing relationship with Christ and all that it really coincided with his call for me with my call to the priesthood because as he as he called me more and more and showed me that that this is something I needed to discern then my spiritual life you know my life was Christ and my life in the church it cease to it couldn't just maintain a sort of a sidecar status with the rest of the things that I wanted to do you know where there was medical school or you know getting married all those other things if I was being honest with myself they always had to take a side seat to asking what God wanted me to do and because of that it couldn't you know that all that stuff all the religion everything couldn't just be remain a sidecar it had to take first priority and that's that was the development throughout the next four years of college really it was how does this all take a sigh a priority in my life so you know there's something else that you did and your brothers did or we were as a family were involved in a community theater yeah the reason wanted to bring that up is when you look back on that I don't look on that as just one of those many things we did I saw that as an important part of your character too when you look back on those years and community theater did that have its own impact where God has taken you at this time yeah I think so I think about every once in a while I'm like I don't think I'll ever know fully the extent that all that kind of had a formative effect on me but I think I know I know for one thing that you know when I got into classes at seminary about homiletics and I stood up there to speak and a lot of guys would talk about being nervous and in front of you know speaking to people or speaking of big groups and I'm nervous about plenty of things and I get anxious about things likes everybody but that's not one of them not anymore not after having to you know play a prince charming and enough play oh my gosh you know you can't get any more embarrassing than that so so that was that was a thing that I was already used to I knew that I could be a public speaker if if that's where God called me to be and I knew that I could I could give messages with the energy I knew that I could be passionate I could allow that my internal passion to to flow out so it in a sense it helped me not to not to be a fake person like you are in theater but in a sense performing something it's not necessarily about performing it's not about putting on something fake but it's more about giving the giving the performance giving the thing you're doing giving the message that you're doing with with the energy and with the the quality that it deserves mmm you know it's not about putting on something fake but it's about doing it the way it deserves deserves to be done so that's why I think it helped me I think the reason that we your mother and I wanted that for you guys is because people always talk about homeschooling they say you're missing the social we want to make sure you had that and you guys just shined in that but it also connected with because this is why I ever asked that question I know for me as a speaker when I was a preacher it's one thing to write your homily mm-hmm but half of it comes when you're communicating with the people in the congregation sure absolutely you know I mean I mean it's when you're onstage you might know those lines completely but as a part of it that's completely new when you're in front of those people yeah and you know I'm talking about you know you're you're communicating to them mm-hmm and I think that's a thing that as I've heard you in your first homilies that you're starting to get used to giving them sure yeah now another thing that I know led to this I think it was a big that you were all set to go to Bowling Green State University you're all set yeah oh as a weird time and then it's I felt your mother and I felt that God was calling to make a decision here yeah and I think that had a big impact on absolutely yeah I really don't even know how to start with that because there were so many aspects of going to Franciscan that we're incredibly formative and I was just telling someone the other day that ty Francis can they have these to call them to call them like spiritual like fraternities at a college would be it's a little it's a little crude to call them that but it's sort of like spiritual or religious fraternities they're called households at Franciscan that group of men in there they bond around each household bonds around a specific set of virtues or ideals that they they really strive to live out kind of like a you know Franciscans they live out certain or they really strived a little out a certain way of life or you know versus Dominicans and etc and so when I was at Franciscan I I studied abroad in Austria where as part of their program and and during one of those trips I during one of the trips on that during that semester we went to Assisi in Italy the place of st. Francis obviously a very special place for anyone who has a relationship with a Franciscan institution and while I was there I it for anyone who's been there they can really I I believe that you can really identify and with me on this that there is a presence there of holiness of significance that it's palpable you can feel it in the air I've never felt externally felt the presence of God just him literally embedded in a place more than that and so as I was walking around there I started to feel that voice again you know that that little voice pricking out my conscience like there's more you want to do something more with your life you want to give your life to God in a way that is reflected in the lives that made this place so significant and so I started thinking about religious life and priesthood and everything and it it started as soon as I realized that I was thinking about it you know like when you all of a sudden you catch yourself and you're like what is going on I got very scared I mean now at the time I was quite taken with a girl who's on the trip with me and so it was as I was it was one of those times where that sidecar was starting to get in the way of all these other plans that I had and that brought a lot of fear you know and it was like a clenched fist you know my mind like I wanted to maintain control for my life and I was afraid that God was trying to take that away from me and I wrestled with it you know for three hours I wrestled with God like like Jacob I know just just back and forth just walking the streets of this easy and I remember the feeling and the moment when like that that clenched fist of tension I just let that go and I said god I don't know what it is you want me to do I don't know maybe it'll be the priesthood maybe will be something else but I'm ready I'm ready to to say yes to whatever it is you know and that was huge like those and that that's right for me that's what come that's what conversion throughout life represents is a series of these fists of tension and control we're just trying to maintain some sort of feeling of autonomy from God and then letting it go you know over and over again with all these different things in our life you know I want to hold on to that I want to hold on to this I want to hold on to this feeling of control I want to hold on to this you know vice that I have and just letting that go into in Christ and saying I'll do whatever you want me to do so that was that wasn't a big thing anyway bring back around that experience was what made me realize that it could no longer be a sidecar in my life it's not that it wasn't important to me but it can no longer just be something if I was going to try to ascertain what God wanted me to do I needed to make it first and foremost and I needed people to help me do that I couldn't just do it alone and it was through that experience that I had been decided to join a household a Franciscan and joined a household called disciples of the word which they're all about Scripture which was perfect and they they were incredibly helpful incredibly formative for me I still tell people that my time in that household was probably the most accelerated period of spiritual growth from me that I've had you know for seminaries been really great and everything but in terms of the acceleration that I experience in terms of where my relationship with God was before he and and then where was a year and a half later was the most significant I've experienced well you know your mother and I think about you becoming a priest it certainly it was something we always thought about for you but we wanted to figure out what's the right balance you know how do we push how do we hold back and we're not lifelong Catholics so it's even a little bit different about what you want your son to be a minister you know as a Protestant so so we were we didn't know this was happening to you you didn't tell us this really maybe you told your mother you didn't tell me but didn't know that which I look back and that's the way the Lord wanted for you you know this had to be this had to be you not because it was what I wanted room had to be for you and you know we're we're just excited about seeing that happen we're gonna pause now we'll come back in a minute I want to talk about Peter's music that was a big part of his journey because he went to Bowling Green got involved with music and then his call there st. miner it and I want to find out what is the verses that really have inspired you who were the who's your patron saint all those neat things and a couple of things we'll come back to in just a moment so we'll see in a bit [Music] [Music] welcome back to the journey home I'm your host mark scrote I and my guest for this evening is my middle son Peter and it's a great pleasure to have him on the program before I get back to the store I just want to remind all of you to if you can go to CH network.org des the website of the coming home Network International where you can hear all kinds of great conversion stories and read conversion stories and also if you're on the journey or if you're thinking to leave in the church give us a call we'd love to talk to you and to help you in your journey so well Peter um oh yeah I'm hearing parts of your story that I didn't like that which is good you know I mean good in the sense that it's good for me to know you know how the Lord touched you because as a father as a mother we don't know how much to push our kids we want to be good models but we're flawed you know we all are are flawed and but when you sow your wonderful experience it at Franciscan which we are so glad that we had that opportunity I thought about other Catholic schools but but that was the closest one and I have yeah we're glad that you when we considered Christendom and why I've been worried about that we thought about that I follow the compass rule you know I think I'm happy that states and I take an old compass and I put the you know I remember you doing that yeah that was the reason that was what convinced me not to go to Chris and then actually it was cuz you did that and I was like you're right like there's there's plenty of other there's plenty of other colleges you know within this radius they're just as good that I wouldn't have to be so far from home it was a negatively other schools but if you'd gone to one of those school we might have seen you as much and so that was the the beauty of being able to see each one a lot but you went from Franciscan sure and talked about what happened next because he didn't just go straight to seminary you had a head of time yeah you know I gots a way of like directing interacting you along the way of life it's so it's so funny it only happened you can only see it in retrospect so much at the time that he's they're really the one behind it you know and that was certainly that that moved from college to the next part of my life was one of those really really strong moments that I I only saw the full the full presence of God in later on and it was so I was finishing up college and I was a philosophy degree which meant that wasn't a whole lot on the horizon but I could do right outside of college I was thinking about medical school and I was thinking about you know a few different other options I was a chemistry minor as well but I was also very much thinking about priesthood and I think at the time I was actually leaning a bit more towards Franciscan religious life rather than diocesan priesthood but but I just knew through my discernment and working through it and everything and I knew that it wasn't fear holding me back or anything but I just sometimes something told me it wasn't the right time yet that I just hadn't gotten from God what I believed needed to be gotten if that made a sense like you know this is the time when he should give me that when when if he wants me to jump right into Seminary right now he should give me the nudge you know and I just wasn't there and so I didn't know what I was gonna do right after college and I remember it was it was in the case of space of like a month all this stuff started happening so first of all I didn't know what I was gonna do and I think I mentioned that to you because then you suggested maybe I could move up with your mom with my grandmother up in Perrysburg or move around there somewhere just to keep on while I'm trying to figure all this out I was like yeah there's no I don't I don't see any issue with that you know there's didn't seem to be I don't know where else I would go so why not well like literally within a couple days my best friend from childhood who was going to Bowling Green State University who had gone had gone through a few dark years in his life called me up out of nowhere and we started talking and he turns out he had had this conversion back to the church and he was going to start working at the church there that is a university ministry parish that he was you know we're living at the Newman Center there and everything he'd been living there during his Cataumet college and and I was gonna start working part time as he finished his degree well we decided together talkin and I'm like Oh guess what I'm gonna probably gonna move up there because you know near near Bowling Green Perrysburg because I'm gonna sorta help him take care of my grandma he's like no kiddin there's actually some jobs open at the church I'm like oh wow so I decided to apply for a couple of those jobs I applied to be something more innocuous you know more just yeah I think it was like a communications person or something like that I didn't know what I was gonna do you know but I figured hey I get the best shot at that but they also needed was there musician you know a director of worship and I told my friend that I'm interested in that but I know there's no way that I'm qualified to get that job I'm not a professional musician I've only taken a you know really a handful of piano classes I've just basically basically played piano and guitar that's kind of a side hobby but well he mentioned it to the priest there who it ended up halfway through the summer they ended up kind of being stuck in a bad position and they needed somebody quick and so they brought me up for an interview and I I tried out and they decided that I was good enough somehow by the grace of God you know it really all just fell out fell together perfectly it was like it was like you dumped a jigsaw puzzle out of the box and they all landed in the exact spot as a ready-made puzzle to get me up there now jump 40 a year you know might a lot of discernment happened in that year I dated a girl for a while and eventually what I realized and in dating her and she end up agreeing with me which was it's kind of funny but I realized that it got my discernment had gotten to the point where I realized I could not move forward in good conscience or with any sort of peace in my heart any other direction in my life until I went and further explored that call and I knew that the only next step that was left for me was seminary and so I remember was sitting in the chapel and I realized that is I can't move forward in my relationship with her and I can't move forward in my career I can't move forward in any of these things in my life really until I've gone the next step there and seeing it and I remember telling her and she was like yep so I was like okay well yeah and I remember I sent in the application there but what was important about all that is that that that movement up there both was really important for me in terms of discernment and that happened that year in formation that happened through you know living at the Newman Center and doing campus ministry and learn to play music better all the stuff but also of becoming a part of the tweeder diocese up in Ohio which is not our home diocese but is where you came from in Perrysburg and it's where I've I'm studying for now as well I'm incarnated in the Diocese of Toledo in America as it's called it in America so yeah I know if I've ever said this on the program but I was born in Toledo hmm and my parents the year before I was born we're living in an apartment that has been torn down and this place where that apartment was it's a parking lot a Cathedral the Cathedral yeah you didn't tell me that so in other words I was conceived on the on the parking lot at Cathedral my parents lived but it's funny full circle now you're becoming a priest and will be ordained in that Cathedral yeah Wow and again it was because of that discernment year to go to Bowling Green yeah to do that how did you end up of all seminaries Oh st. - home about the experiences ashore yeah well st. mine read is it first of all st. mine read is a saint it's not just a made-up name I had no idea that was before I went to seminary there but it's called st. mine read seminarians school of theology but what it also is is a Benedictine monastic community so it's a seminary that's run by a Benedictine monastic community that lives next door and so the Diocese of Toledo for a long time has had a relationship with that seminary and if you don't know how it works a diocese develops a relationship with one or more seminaries and those places that they send their seminarians to and so it's not like you just going well I'm going to seminary now I guess I'll just apply to one of any you know 20 places or however there are many are in the area they they had three different places and so I went on a trip with the the vocation director we traveled down to there Joseph enum to Mount Saint Mary's in the West Cincinnati and then to st. modern which isn't way down south and Indiana basically out in the middle of nowhere based an east/west an hour from Louisville it's amazing like you're you're driving through these woodlands and you can't see anything and then all of a sudden you pull around the corner and it's like Hogwarts is up on the hill over there you know it's it's just it's incredible it's incredible beautiful arch Abbey and we went there and we visited and one of the things I was struck by most and this ended up becoming a really big important part of my life obviously it's culminated in in a particular project that I just finished is the the monastic chanting of Gregorian chant and of modern notation chant and an English chant is beautiful and it all kind of comes back full circle because I think that my the biggest appreciation that I have for Gregorian chant is that it is in constant relationship with silence and so going back to my childhood when I learned to appreciate silence through you know milking cows or simply I remember sometimes in the deep of winter foot of snow I'd go out and my you know folding so no uniform because I was born didn't have anything else to do it I would lay down and I would stare at the sky for an hour silence there you know that appreciation of silence and I I showed up there at st. mine read I was listening to these monks chant their their Divine Office five you know six seven times a day and on my way home with the this the the vocation director he said how did you like it how do you like it there what do you think alright and I didn't really know what else to say I really liked it and I just said you know I was thinking if it's a mouth out in the middle of the woods and everything and I said you know it felt like going home and I really didn't say anything else about it and I didn't know if he was going to send me there or some other place and I was you know I that time I was fully open to whatever the diocese wanted me to do and they they ended up sending me there which for which I am eternally grateful mmm eternally grateful was it I remember you talking about it remained a struggle for a while whether you would go to be a diocesan priest or a monastic please yeah so my focus come changed from Franciscan religious life in terms of what was what was the alternative to diocesan life for me so I kind of switched from Franciscan to Benedict and pretty pretty soon and I a lot of seminarians talk about to say I caught the I caught the monk bug and that you know it still pulls on me it so pulls on my heart sometimes because the monastic life is so beautiful and I I think of it the the beauty of the monastic life for me is that it's it's like the disciples when they visited they visited the mountaintop with Jesus and they saw him transfigured in the monastic life these men they spend all their time you know so much of their time praying and working and trying to do the liturgy beautifully trying to give glory to God by doing the liturgy in the way that it should be done you know and in trying to give the liturgy as much beauty as it can and they become really good at it and so a lot of people would visit the monastery especially for like Holy Week and they see these incredible liturgies incredible and hopefully what I would I would I would I realize when I was there for a Palm Sunday whatever might made me think of is that this incredible beautiful liturgy they're doing with four-part chanted you know gospel passages of the entire thing is that the liturgy that is happening there the sacrifice of the mass that is happening in that moment is the same one that's happening in the middle of a broken-down church with 30 people with no music a priest you probably who can't sing you know it's the same liturgy that's happening but just as Jesus ooh and his playing human human body went up on this mountaintop and was transformed before the eyes of his disciples and gave this that gave them this glimpse into his glory they were able to take with them in their hearts and give them give them a real sense for who Jesus was people can visit a monastery and they can see the liturgy in as much glory as we can give it here on earth and what they're seeing is not just you know it's not something different really than what's happening in there a little little little town and they can take that back with them and hopefully appreciate the mass wherever they go a little bit more I remember the times when you were struggling with diocesan priesthood or monastic life and that and it seemed to me that the the places were the needle turned mm-hmm to diocesan commitment was the experiences you had at Paulding Ohio and Norwalk Ohio talk a bit about if you would becoming alive of that priestly call as you served you had to leave the monastery for a while for your pastoral year at Norwalk in those other churches you know it's it's something that I find very difficult to put my finger on I'm going to be honest in terms of how it all happened you know how I discerned to become a diocesan priest and I think part of it is part of it you know I want when you're discerning it's very difficult because you're discerning between two different goods when you're trying to decide between to do something right and do something wrong the sermon is pretty easy you know it's like okay one's right and the others wrong discernment of of like a vocation is tough because you're trying to choose between two different very good things or many different very good things you know and and you're when you begin it's more about marriage and and priesthood and obviously like you can't you can't join priesthood or become a celibate person simply because you don't our marriage that's not how it works if you're not if you don't think you can be a good husband and a good in a good father well then by gosh you're not gonna be a good priest so you know it's just how how it's gonna happen but this I was trying to discern between diocese and priests it and monastic life two very good things and two real desires and I had in my heart and I saw aspects of them both that that really drew to me that really called to me but it really if I'm gay if I'm gonna put a finger on the thing that tipped the needle it was simply that God kept me where I was if that makes any sense you know I I was I was ready for God to make a change if that's what he wanted me to do but God didn't change the course you know when God puts you on the path you don't just think of all the other paths that you could be on in life and just try to you know jump off whenever you can or get ready to jump off whenever you can you you simply put your trust in God and you stay on the path that you're on until he totally used to go you know and I got to a point where I realized this is the path that God had me on and as far as I can tell in all honesty in my relationship with God that's where he kept me so I said all right let's let's go I'm ready I'm ready to go I'm ready to to move on you know and a lot of confirming things have happened I would say in this last year and a half becoming an you know ordained a deacon is a huge thing but more than anything I'm just excited to to be ordained a priest and to start serving people you know a big part of you when this whole quarantine thing started was I was really chomping at the bit you know because I just wanted to be celebrating the mass for people I wanted wanted to be get offering up Christ you know in in the mass as a as a prayer for all the people that are suffering right now and I wanted to be doing that already you know but you know I still have another month so hard of the patience you know you've got about 90 minutes just to let you know because I had a couple look a lot of things a couple things I want to ask you one I did want to ask you that you're you studied you you discern priesthood and went to seminary during a time when the church has gone through great scandal great struggle that has affected a lot of young men your age yeah make them pause a bit mm-hmm about the priesthood did you and your classmates struggle with that how did how did you guys help yourselves deal with this difficult time a shorter one thing in particular that seminaries these days are much better at doing in a great way in response to the recent crises that have happened is they're very good at something they're much more focused on doing something called human formation which you know when when someone when people ask me what I do in seminary or what do I study most of the time I get and you know they they guess something along the lines of well you're basically just standing around practicing Mass all day you know and then maybe golfing on the weekends right is that worse you know there's so much that goes on and one of the biggest aspects is is human formation which is basically just helping you to become a healthy human being you know helping you to to work through psychologically and counseling you're basically you're different junk that you got in your life in your past that's that's affecting you now you know and and learning to come to terms with that and and having those resources of a counselor and and and really the personal resources of have worked through that stuff that really helps when you encounter something as difficult and as challenging as as recognizing that there have been a lot of fellow priests in the church and and even in bishops who have enough all the way you know and there's really two responses that you can have one is one is a difficulty you know of maybe losing a little bit of hope but the other one is in recognizing this this situation it's it's it's really just another call that we doesn't need we need men out there who are willing to be good priests you know it's it's not as saying well the priesthood is wrong or the priesthood is bad it's really - saying we need men to help represent the priesthood well you know represent Christ well a scripture came to mind as I think about you and and what you're going through and it's actually a part of the passage that you just preached on last week finding the branch's passage John do you have to be now but there's a verse verse two is interesting it says every branch of mine that bears no fruit he takes away and every branch of mine that does bear fruit he prunes hmm that it may bear fruit you mentioned earlier suffering and there's that challenge you know if we're not producing fruit the church has an avenue for us and that's called confession so that we're not just gone but if we are producing fruit he still prunes us mm-hmm he keeps chipping away yeah a little bit of that with seminary yeah well and the other out the other part of that that passage is the significance that of Christ talking about what it means to remain in him stay and may remain and may remain attached to the vine that is my life that is my you know the constant substance and I I think that's probably the biggest reaction I saw all throughout seminary when we encountered these uh you know the crises in the church and the abuses and everything is we just realize if we don't want to become like that what we have to do is make sure that we at all times are receiving our lifeblood of our spiritual human lives from the veins of Christ from the vine of Christ and so for a many of us it was it was simply just a call to go deeper you know I mean if Christ is with us who can be against you know he will if we are truly you know receiving the life of the life blood of Christ in in the mass and in prayer in our relationship with Christ and you know he won't let us go astray even if suffering comes along the way you know so I hadn't thought about asking this chant doesn't stay at the seminary you shouldn't just chant help you abide chant helps me abide in in so many there's a stillness and a beauty about chant that that simply helps you instead of kind of taking you out and instead of taking you to sort of like this external you know exuberance which is it can be obviously is a good thing you know exuberance and glory of God it it helps you to sit where you are and to experience that the life of Christ that is in you to recognize that Christ is already there and he's he's a mystery and a beautiful deep incredible mystery as deeper than any human other person who's already like an incredible mystery or than the universe itself it helps you recognize the depth of Christ especially in the in the liturgy you know and recognizing you the helping you to recognize that and get in touch with that and to simply abide in that moment to simply remain in that moment in silence so two things I want to talk to you sure ask you and one of the reason is because there are two things there's so many things that you and I share of course father and son and family and bird watching in the farm today the mother and the whole family and all the blessings that we have through them two things but you and I share and I want you to get your perspective on them number one we share a favorite verse we do tell them that verse and why that's important to you mmm proverbs 3:5 and 6 trust in Lord with all your heart lean not on your own understanding and all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path talk about why is hip why is that verse been important to you yeah a lot of the things I talked about so far I mean there when I try to when I give my conversion and not conversion when I give my vocation story it might a sermon story I talk about in terms of significant moments on the way because ultimately it's like you know conversion story your vocation story is kind of like the sea you know it's like sort of just kind of continuing on your journey and then all of a sudden there's like this really significant moment that's the top of a wave and then you kind of continue on your journey all of it's part of the journey it's still moving forward but there are some significant moments out of those crests and for me a lot of those moment that I've mentioned our times when it wasn't so much me understanding where God was taking me all of a sudden or saying like oh I know where I need to go now it was more of a letting go of my need to know of my need to control where I went and so ultimately that verse you know I came to realize the significance of that verse in my life after all this happened in retrospect but if trust and Lord with all your heart lean not on your own understanding of where you need to go in life and all your ways acknowledge him if you put him first then he will direct your path you won't necessarily know where the path is going you won't know what the steps you need to take to get there necessarily but if you do those things it's simple you know it takes away all those fears of the possibilities all that stuff and it simply says acknowledge God love him follow him and you won't go wrong one minute yeah your favorite Saint well Isaac jokes he's my confirmation saying you know he's it's kind of a close tie these days with John Cardinal Henry Newman but yeah of course but Isaac Jones and the reason I chose him as my vocation saying is because if there's one thing you know about Saint as he jokes and you read a story it's his incredible incredible courage and I never thought of myself as the most courageous guy they've been a struggle all my life to kind of deal with fear and anxiety but the fact that he was tortured and then had the opportunity to escape from the people who tortured him and then voluntarily returned to minister to them once again I I pray to him simply to say give me the courage that you had to bring the gospel even when things are it's scary and crazy like that so Peter thank you for joining me gonna be holding yeah this is great it's been a long time to be here yeah I talk so much about in the program it was just so good for the audience to get a chance to see you and I'm gonna ask them to also pray for you thank you got about a month to go approaching approaching a month yeah that's right and then within that new stage in your life so thanks Peter thank you and thank you for message thank you all for joining us on this episode of the journey home I do pray that my son's journey and his calling and his discernment to follow Christ and their witness of Grace in his life is an encouragement to you god bless you [Music] you

Channel: EWTN

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Id: ClQEQF3LyxY

Length: 56min 9sec (3369 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 08 2020