"You NEED to Pay Attention to ENERGY!" | Mel Robbins (@melrobbins)

everyone talks about passion legacy purpose yeah yeah the one word to pay attention to his energy if it's hard to be around people you're with the wrong group of people do you use a phone or a computer to make money or to improve your life need motivation watch top ten with believe mission what's that belief nation it 7 I believe in you and this channel is designed to be a part of your daily success routine so let's get your motivation to attend and get you believing in you grab a snack and chew in today's lessons from a woman who went from struggling in her career and almost going bankrupt to becoming a best-selling author and one of the most sought-after speakers in the world she's Mel Robbins and here's my take on her top ten roses success vol 8 enjoy also if you want to know what Mel and other successful entrepreneurs have to say about building unstoppable confidence check out my 250 for confidence series where every day for the next 254 days I will send you a morning video for free to help you build your confidence the link to join is in the description below if you didn't give what anybody else thought what's the thing you would love to be doing with your life I know that everybody's problem comes down to one pattern you're repeating that you can't see when you have an intention on something that you want to change about your life your brain helps you okay let's kick it off with rule number one chase energy I think you should chase what energizes you everyone talks about passion legacy purpose yeah yeah the one word to pay attention to his energy I love that that's it let's simplify this okay so whatever energizes you naturally expands you feels like possibility is exciting to do it may be scary that doesn't matter it has to do with how it makes you feel right when you were in your 20s money made you feel good it expanded you it energized you chasing the money that was the game that was your passion that was your proof there's nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with that and I particularly want to say that to the women that are well yeah because it is socialized into women not to chase success like that not to go after the money and so if what energizes you is amassing wealth go for it but what happened and and the reason why I say that is because people talk about the word passion yeah or purpose right and the truth is it's not a person place or a thing it's not it is the feeling of being expanded and energized great if you're pursuing your passion it means that you wake up every day and are energized so instead of trying to think what's my purpose what's my passion was my purpose what's my passion right oh god yeah instead of thinking like that I want you instead to ask yourself what's what could I do today that would energize me what energizes me if it's making money figure out how to make money if it is making a difference figure out how to make a difference it could be in any single shape or form but if it energizes you that's what you need to follow and what happens is that passion also because it's energy it dissipates over time because when you first start making money it's thrilling yeah thrilling there is nothing more exhilarating than making your first million yeah nothing more exhilarating but what happens is once you learn how to do something once you can do it over and over again and so it starts to become routine yeah which means it's no longer energizing right which is why every entrepreneur out there goes through the mode of chasing the money and then you hit the money that you need to make then you're like I'm not fulfilled yeah finally I you know I did that yes yeah and it's because you were energized by the money and now you're not yeah now you got to be energized by the next thing remember to see your friends more it turns out that one of the best stress relievers on the planet is something that most of us don't ever do and that is seek out time with friends when we feel totally stressed out when you're doing twice as much work as you normally do or you're feeling twice as much stress as you normally feel studies at Harvard show that what you need is you need to see your friends twice as much now Sean anchor is a really famous researcher and best-selling author at Harvard and he studied this phenomenon he looked at at people that were stressed at schools and in call centers and in the military and in banks and in almost every single industry what he discovered is that the most successful people the people that were the best at selling the people that there were the most resilient the people that had the best ability to deal with stress when times got tough were the ones that saw their friends the most it was the people with the tightest social connections that had the ability to weather the storms that life throw at us I want you to write down three people three people that when you hang out with them you you'll energized that when you have plans with them you're excited about seeing them when this video ends reach out to them that's right pick up the phone send them a text I want you to invite them to do something go out to lunch go for a walk in the woods get a cup of coffee go out to dinner even if you're not stressed out I guarantee you at least one of the three people that you're gonna reach out to needs you rule number three be with the right group of people be interested in what you're really interested in or the easier route honestly dropped the popular kids and find your people you need to find your people and your people are the kind of people that the second you hang out with them you don't feel like less of yourself you feel like more of yourself you don't feel like you got to hide or be somebody else you feel like you want to express yourself and show up and be more of yourself that's the indication that you have found your people rule number four change your story well you want to know the secret the secret to helping any human being it's actually really simple the secret is to ask somebody where they're in conflict internally like what are the things that trigger you what are the things that you complain about what are the things that you're afraid of that internal conflict holds the secret to solving everything and becoming a better person and all you have to ask yourself or ask somebody if you're coaching them is what happened to you now what's wrong with you but what happened to you that you believe you don't matter what happened to you that you believe that you're not good enough what happened to you that you believe that you're not worthy or that you won't be a success right and everybody has a story and here's the interesting thing you don't have to find the first one because what happens in life is something happens to you whether you are a victim of abuse or you simply are in a classroom and you raise your hand and you say the wrong answer in math class and everybody laughs and then you're like oh my new strategy is I don't talk in class my new strategy is I'm introverted and shy that's my new strategy because I'm going to protect myself and it works it works because you don't raise your hand and then nobody laughs at you but over time you start to feel that sense of like I there's something more why am I not talking why is and so you start to have a conflict with that strategy and so the thing that you'll see is that human beings repeat behavior so if you ask somebody what happened to you that made you start to doubt yourself they'll start to find ten or twelve or twenty examples of it because it's everywhere and when you finally start to address what happened you can now have the self-awareness to create a new story to start a new chapter yeah to see the old strategy and now consciously you talk about consciously creating consciously create a different response that's what I do for people I am helping people identify the internal conflicts that are making them miserable that are ruining their relationships that are destroying their self-esteem and then once we highlight those we pick a different strategy right that's what we do and you know anybody can do it any age rule number five assume good intent today for the next 24 hours I want you to assume that everybody else around you has the best intentions the person that cuts you off in traffic the friend that's not texting you back the customer that writes an email that has a snarky tone whatever it may be the fact that you may be riled that you posted something on Facebook and and one of your best friends didn't tag you in it or didn't like it I mean we could hung up around the stupidest stuff but today I want you to assume the best intentions you know this recently happened to me where I really had to put this to use I had a situation at work where I had a conference call and it was related to a speech and it was one of these kind of kickoff calls for a bunch of people on the client side are gonna be there and we're gonna talk about the event and I'm gonna talk about the speech and during the conversation this conference called I said something that I didn't mean to say I was totally responsible I basically said what day am i speaking now I knew the date that I was speaking what I didn't know is in the flow of the event was I the opener was I the closer was I the person that's supposed to be the defibrillator after a big lunch like what role am i playing that's a really important thing to understand if you're giving a speech because it helps you customize what you're gonna do well the client misunderstood me because I wasn't precise and they were annoyed because they thought holy cow we've we've hired this person we sent her all kinds of information doesn't even know what day she's speaking so the client gets upset they complain to the event planner the event planner then writes me one of these emails it's like this long the planner was really upset because I had made the planner look bad in front of the client now fully my responsibility completely unintentional and also based on a gigantic misunderstanding so what did I do well I did exactly what you should do when you screw up I took total responsibility I apologized I went overboard and cleaned the mess up I wrote a long email I actually left voicemail messages when we had to deliver a bunch of things I went overboard and being great about it and you know what I got from the planner that was really upset with me I didn't get an email back I didn't get a phone call back even though I had a requested one nothing nothing nothing nothing and of course what happens when somebody doesn't respond to you whether it's somebody that you're dating or it's somebody that's a good friend or it's a customer or somebody that's upset with you and you've apologized you immediately think that you've done something wrong we even do it if you get an email and somebody's tone is slightly off it is bananas how quickly we assume mal-intent we assume we're in trouble we assume we've done something wrong so what did I do in this situation because my reaction was I was disappointed that I didn't actually get a nice email back or a hey no problem let's move on and have a great event just got silence what did I do I use the five-second rule five four three two one when I catch myself thinking about it and then I assume positive intent I tell myself a different story I say oh well I've apologized twice so maybe the planner feels that everything is complete and taken care of and no need to discuss it further I also assume hey this event is a big event I'm sure they're SuperDuper busy and this the last concern on their list another thing that you can say is maybe they're busy maybe this isn't a big deal to them maybe I've already been forgiven rule number six interpret nervousness as excitement you're female oh great Oh excellent I hope keen and something you're never gonna feel ready to speak up okay and for the group for girls in particular super important visibility you don't get credit for things people don't see and so raising your voice and learning how to do it in a classroom before you get into the workforce before you got to raise money so important and so what I want you to know is you're never if you're somebody who's like introverted or somewhat shy you're never gonna feel comfortable doing it but you've got to do it your dreams depend on it what happens in your body when you're about to raise your hand okay and what does it feel like in your body okay is your stomach hurt or your throat tight it's your chest get a rash like mine used to i'll see you're lucky okay what about your hands they get clammy yeah okay so the main thing to do is when that happens just go oh that's a thing that was talking about my body is getting ready to talk so before I give a speech I give about a hundred speeches a year do you know what happens in my body my stomach hurts my armpits are like Niagara Falls my hands are clammy my throat is tight and I hello do you think I'm nervous exactly my body is getting in a state to do something that's why and excitement are the exact same so the next time you're in a class or you're with a group of friends and there's something you want to say tell me what happens again in your body your stomach starts to hurt what does it mean yes what does it mean on a positive side yes you're getting ready to talk I love that so that's the way that we're going to re label that tape in your mind my stomach's in knots okay I'm not nervous I'm getting ready to talk here we go that's that signal Mel Robbins said she gets it in the stadium I'm getting it right now five four three two one I'm going rule number seven make energizing decisions any decision can be divided into what do I need to do versus how and when do I need to do it for the what that is intuition and by intuition I use the word energy and the way to answer any question for yourself personally that you don't immediately know the answer to is to ask this question does it energize and expand my life or does it shrink it if it energizes and expands your life the answer is hell yes you should absolutely do it that is what you should do if the decision shrinks you or it deflates you then the answers hell no you should not do it this is an incredible tool to use in deal-making by the way because you know I'm in the middle of negotiating a massive media deal at the moment and it's something I've always wanted to do and when you're negotiating for something you really want whether it's somebody that you're dating or you know it's a salary or whatever it in my case it's a massive media deal you can get really ego driven right right you can start to get very attached to the deal or to the person whether the whatever but you have to stop and ask yourself is this deal or this person actually expanding but and energizing are or are there aspects of it that deplete and shrink me and if there's any aspect of it that depletes and shrinks you either have to change that aspect of the deal or the relationship structure where you have to say no period right if you decide that yet it energizes me and I really want to do it then that's what you want next you've got to think about the outcome which is how and when you make it happen rule number 8 value your own attention have you ever heard the term attention economy if you haven't heard it you're gonna start hearing it a lot because that's what we live in right now it means that people and companies make money and they have your attention and in the world of Internet technology social media your attention is for sale and what I want to do in today's mentoring session is I want to shift your attitude about how you value your own attention so got a simple question for you do you use a phone or a computer to make money or to improve your life or does the phone use you to make money well look at this I lifted it up and it started playing a video check it out it's on Facebook right now every time you are on your laptop and you go onto a laptop and you start scrolling mindlessly through Facebook someone else is making money you ever thought about that I kind of just scroll through Facebook right now oh here's a post about yoga tights I don't need oh and here's something from BuzzFeed about cute group photo of 23 baby pandas trying to make you know who's making money right now whoever made this video and so is BuzzFeed and so is Facebook but I'm not they're making money off my attention and as I keep scrolling oh here's somebody that's doing something related to the news and here's another thing ooh chocolate chip peanut butter cup lasagna cake am i making money and I improving my life by right no but guess what tasty video is and so is Melissa's southern style kitchen whoo serve this post so why am i pointing this out to you I'm pointing it out to you because the engineer's at Facebook the engineers at every website they they understand something they understand that the longer that you spend on their website or reading their emails or clicking their stuff the more money they're gonna make see you and I are up against a massive amount of technology and people that want to trick us into giving them our attention there's a reason why Facebook has an algorithm where they put things in your newsfeed that you like it's because research shows that you'll actually stay longer and how does somebody make money in the attention economy well they make it by grabbing your attention so I want you to consider something today I want you to be really mindful about your attention I want you to be mindful about how you're using your phone and your computer are you using it to get ahead and to make more money and to do the things that are important to you or are they using you to make a buck as you're going about your day just notice am i picking up my phone to use it to improve my life or make my goals happen or am i picking up my phone and letting somebody else use me to make money rule number nine get real with yourself you said into the microphone that you think you're not good enough so how does thinking that you're not good enough stop you from taking the action you need to take I have an embrace technology okay now we're somewhere [Applause] and I know why I know why the reason why is because it's not that you don't think you're good enough you don't think you're smart I'm on a train me and the thing that's underneath I'm not good enough is you actually believe you're not smart enough and so you avoid the things that scare you and you have a very you know fabulous personality I love that you're making jokes about the fact that you're an eight-track man but the reason why and I do the same thing I make jokes about the I want to deal with either because it's easier it is scary to say I don't know how to do this and I'm scared if I actually pivot and start focusing on technology because I need to then I'm not gonna know how and so it's easier to be busy and it's easier to be on television stations and it's easier to try to do all this stuff that feels good because it's in my wheelhouse and so what I want you to really take a look at is where does my story that I'm not smart where is it blocking my dream where is it lying to me because you are smart and here's the other thing you don't have to be smart you have to work hard and you worked very hard and you are very committed but there are things that you know you know how many are you relating to this conversation look around you are not alone there are things that you know that you must focus on but it scares you because it triggers that button than you I just got a PhD that's it I hope they don't find out I don't know what the hell I'm doing oh my god oh my god how do I know this is what you think this is what I think I want you to look at where in your life that story is robbing you of your dreams and where it is giving you an excuse to avoid the things that no you need to do okay what did you just get from our conversation I got that I need to meditate and see exactly why mine I take an action and start you know doing it and embracing it and I'm good enough I'm old enough and rule number ten the last one before a very special bonus clip is used the five-second journal Isle of vision boards and gratitude journaling because they helped me think about what I want and why this journal it's gonna teach you how how you make your dreams come true I created this journaling method a couple years ago because I wanted to stop thinking about what I wanted and actually make it happen this is simple it's backed by science and it's gonna help you make your dreams come true with just a couple minutes every morning let me show you how it works at the very top you write down the time place and date this simple trick gets your present and grounded in the moment now notice this is guilt-free journaling there are no dates printed so if you miss a day or two you're not behind next I'm gonna give you a superpower this my friend is your inner compass learning to read your energy is the secret to greater passion productivity and living with more purpose research from the University of Pennsylvania proves that if you boost your mood in the morning you actually increase your productivity all day long these next two questions will help you take control of your energy which changes how your mind perceives tasks and will make you more confident about the day ahead and this section right here it's the secret to having a great day I want you to identify one project that matters to you today not two not three just one when you focus on just one project a day you leverage the progress principle it was invented at the Harvard Business School and it will change your life and help you be more productive so you can make your dreams come true research proves you get more done when you focus on less and every day I want you to focus on just one thing after you write down your top project I want you to write down why this project matters to you when you know your why science says you're going to be more inspired and motivated to get it done now take that vision and make it your mission write down one small action yet you're gonna take today to move your dream forward it doesn't matter how small it is forward is forward according to research simply using this section of the journal makes you 76 percent more likely to go from dreaming to doing and if you have any other thoughts about the project here's some extra space to play around with when you move from thinking to doing it may make you feel overwhelmed so let's change that attitude with a little gratitude studies prove that grounding yourself and something that you feel grateful for will boost your happiness and your effectiveness finally I want you to write down your quitting time yep you heard me right part of your morning routine should be deciding when you're gonna stop working at night if you feel like your wheels are spinning and you don't get anything done if you have no balance between work and life if you'd love to spend more time with your family and still feel like the most productive person you know set a quitting time this is called Parkinson's law and it's rocket fuel for your productivity now let's go over to the next page everyone works differently so this page is designed to work for you if you love making long to-do lists and checking things off here's the spot if you want to plan out your day there's a timeline on the left and if you need a place to take notes here's a place where you put them so there you have it the five second journal now I've got a bonus clip from Mel on how to help people that I think you're gonna really enjoy but before that it's time for the three point landing question sign the move from just watching another video to taking action in your business or life and if you're feeling bold leave your answers in the comments below here we go question number one where do you need to get real with yourself number two what energizing decision can you make right now and number three which friend do you need to see more of the thing that energizes me is making people feel like they matter it's that simple it is giving people hope in a situation where they don't have it it is shining a light on the path forward when somebody feels stuck in darkness and now that I know that those moments are the things that make me get up out of bed and energize me I can trace back all the way to the moment of being a public defender in Manhattan twenty-two years old straight out of law school yeah and defending a kid who and I met him for the first time he had been arrested I met him during Night Court in New York City I was a brand-new young attorney and this kid had been arrested and he had been arrested for throwing a champagne bottle in the middle of Times Square on New Year's Eve and had come down on a woman and it sliced her face open oh my god and he had been ID'd and pointed at by her friends as allegedly the kid who had done it and he was a junior in high school and he had gotten in trouble I think he had like a juvie record for you know like some petty shoplifting or something when he was 12 but that was it high school kid on his way to go to junior college mom working hard terrified absolutely terrified and I met him because he had been arrested and you know the family couldn't afford a lawyer and I was a legal aid criminal defense attorney and I was assigned to represent him and I remember walking back into the cages behind the the judge judges bench because if you look at it at a judge in a courtroom there's two doors typically to the one to the right one to the left one of those doors leads to the hallway which is what all the court officers and administrative workers walk to that it's behind the court system the other one leads to cages that are behind the judge which is where they hold the inmates as they're waiting to come in and get arraigned or they're waiting you know for the trial and so I walk back there and I called out this kid's name and I just remember him asking is my mom out there is my mom out there and I said look I'm gonna tell you something I'm gonna make you two promises I'm gonna get you out of here tonight and I'm gonna do everything I can to because he was like I didn't do it I didn't do it I didn't do it I sort of God I didn't do it and I promised him I said I'm gonna get you out of here tonight and I'm gonna do everything I possibly can to clear your name and I remember the relief in his face they said he believed me I said of course I believe hope polish that moment my heart Wow blew open and it's those moments where you give somebody hope where you show them the path forward where you're stronger and clearer in that moment than they are so now they can yeah and that's what I show up and do every single day if you want more male Robin shook at the top 50 rules video made on her the link is right there next to me I think you'll enjoy it continue to believe and I'll see you there our minds are designed to stop you at all costs from doing anything that might hurt you

Channel: Evan Carmichael

Views: 149,358

Rating: 4.8811188 out of 5

Keywords: entrepreneur, mel robbins top 10 rules for success, mel robbins, life advice, career advice, how to make it in life, mel robbins motivation, success motivation, success advice, mel robbins advice, mel robbins interview, mel robbins speech, best of mel robbins, motivational speaker, life coach, take action even when you doubt yourself - mel robbins, entrepreneur motivation, entrepreneurship, the one word to pay attention to is energy, You NEED to Pay Attention to ENERGY!

Id: Y43Eu5qIhd4

Length: 29min 16sec (1756 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 09 2019