#MindsetReset Day 25: If money stresses you out, watch this | Mel Robbins

okay hi everybody Mel Robbins here I'm sorry I'm a little frazzled because we had a bunch of tech difficulties trying to get the started and I'm doing this on my own and it always makes me not be that present when I have to deal with tech issues so I'm saying that in order to reset my mindset and get present so I was saying the thing that was distracting me and frankly frustrating and making me angry so that I could be present with you because we have a very very important training to do right now this is mindset reset it is video 20 so we have done 20 days worth of live training mindset reset is a program that more than 200,000 of you from around the world have signed up for it is free there is nothing to buy there's nothing that I'm selling you and we are doing this mindset reset program this entire month in order to give you the tools so that you can learn how to reset your mindset when you find yourself like I just did pissed off and frustrated and triggered and annoyed and frazzled because things are not going how you wanted them to go and so the other thing a reason why we're doing this is you can tell I'm like totally distracted but that's what happens oh yeah what I have to do tech the other thing that happened hold on I'm sorry I'm completely losing my train of thought so you're seeing me have a the need to do a mindset reset live which is really good because I think it's super important for you to see that people that you admire people that give advice people that are giving advice people that have big businesses that they're not perfect and that there are things that go wrong and that they too just like you have to deal with frustrations and expectations being met and that one of the things that has made me a very successful person is that I have learned how to process upset very very quickly and so as we do this training tonight what you're going to notice is I will probably go from being somewhat frazzled at the beginning of video 20 to being very very focused by the time that we're done and it's really important that you learn the skill to notice when you're triggered to be able to identify what's triggering you to even say it out loud because if you hold it in your body you're going to have it continue to trigger you and then to keep going because it's only through the skill of continuing to move forward when things aren't working that you'll actually get your strength back that you'll learn that no matter what happens you could be rattled in the moment but you can regain your footing and you can move forward and you can still make progress on the things that are important to you you can regroup and align yourself with your values and your goals and that's the whole point of mindset reset ayat this is bothering me to hold on a second nothing is set up right tonight there we go much better that's the whole point of mindset reset that when you change how you think you will change your life when you realize that yes you will get triggered yes things will not go according to plan but you can choose how you respond to it and then you can choose what you think about next and as you continue to be frustrated or you're not getting what you want is you're trying to move forward you can continue to choose to keep trying and you can continue to choose to keep redirecting your thoughts and that's the power of what you're learning so we're in video xx what we're going to cover today is we're going to cover financial anxiety this is anxiety week we've been covering for gosh almost six videos already at least we've been covering during videos 13 through videos 20 we've been discussing anxiety at length so what one of the things I don't have guys is the videos 1 through 9 I only have 9 through 11 sorry I'm talking to my team let me try to focus cuz I'm so distracted because this did not start the way that I wanted it to start Oh take a deep breath thank you for being here and let's get on with the training so we're talking about financial anxiety right now and if you're the kind of person that worries about money all the time if you're the kind of person that has a hard time making money if you're the kind of person that thinks you don't deserve to make a lot of money or you're not smart enough to make a lot of money or you have trouble with disciplined and being deliberate about money just give us a thumbs up in the comments if worries stress or anxiety about money affects your life and honestly if you're watching this you should put a thumbs up in the comments because worries stress and anxiety about money it impacts everybody's life in fact in a recent survey I don't have it here in front of me but in a recent survey I read that that I think it was done by Forbes eighty-seven percent of people that were asked said that they feel some level of stress about money worries now I'm going to talk to you about how to deal with money worries but I want to draw a line in the sand real quick about what kind of money worries I'm talking about and what kind I'm not if you are in a situation right now that is acute you have no money you are unemployed and you've run out of money you work for the government and you haven't gotten your paycheck last week and it doesn't look like you're getting one this week and frankly it's totally unacceptable that this is happening and you're starting to panic because you are running out of money and like most people at least in the United States your one paycheck away from not being able to pay your bills that was me ten years ago if that's you you don't have money worries you have a money problem and the only thing that will solve the very real problem you have is taking action and being super proactive even though you're scared right now and you're frustrated right now being super proactive to get the help that you need to get the services that you need if you need to go to a food pantry do not let pride get in your way one of the things that happens when people have money problems is that they are so confronted by the problem and the reality of the situation that they avoid dealing with it because facing it head-on and realizing that you got to call family members for help right now because it's that scary you got to go to the daycare center and say hey you know I'm good for the money I know you're a small business but my god until I get paid next can you cut me some slack and let my daughter still go to school at daycare here so that I can show up at work at the airport or show up at the military so you know you need to face it head-on if you have money problems okay got it good because that's the only way that money problems actually get fixed is when you get proactive and instead of being scared and avoiding the situation you hit it head-on and you have those hard conversations with yourself and you start reaching out and asking for help in this training what I want to talk about because I want to talk about the money anxiety that most of us struggle with and that's the habit that you have your default mode of thinking about money that stresses you out you have a job you're getting a paycheck you're making the ends meet and you worry about it all the time you go into work and you want to ask for a raise but you're so worried about your worth that you convince yourself you don't deserve the money so you don't ask for it that it's your mental relationship to money itself and how you feel about yourself and your own self-worth and how that mindset impacts how you behave and how you think about money that is what we're talking about in this training and so there's a couple things that I want to call your attention to number one in and I will tell you what videos I want you to watch any thinking pattern that you have that doesn't serve you can be changed and that's what you're learning in mindset reset and if you have a negative thinking pattern about money that is a thinking pattern that you want to change because when you change how you think about money whether or not you deserve it whether or not if you work hard you'll make it whether or not it's going to turn out for you whether or not you're disciplined about what you spend your money on and whether or not you save it if you change how you think about money you'll make a hell of a lot more of it I'm gonna tell you that right now and so if there's an area of your life that you really want to take a deliberate look at it's how does money trigger you to think and how does your personal psychology in your default mindset trigger you to think about money and whether or not you deserve it and whether I know so many things how many of you think I'm not good with money I had that story for a long time I'm just not good with money and that default way of thinking believe I mean it's not surprising you're taking mindset reset if you think you're not good about money guess what you won't be if you think it you will behave consistently with it that's how this works which is why we want to change how you think so that you change how you behave so here's a couple things about your mindset related to money it's like your mindset related to anything else it's just that money is a huge trigger for most of us there's two kinds of worries and we've already covered this and I'm going to refer you back to the video about this you're gonna go back to videos 13 and video 14 on this okay and so you can only there's only two kinds of worries video 13 video 14 I want you to look at this two kinds of worries there's productive worrying and there's destructive worrying too many of you worry about money and it is destructive your worries about money make you spend money that you don't have your worries about money talk you into doing things that are not smart with money your worries about money have you undervalue what you think you should be paid your worries about money keep you trapped in your head instead of doing things that will make you more money and so we got to change this because I guarantee you that the reason why you have a destructive habit of worrying about money has something to do with how you were trained to think about money or think about yourself from your past so again if you worry about money and it empowers you to make more of it and it's not making you unhealthy to worry about it fantastic that's a productive form of worried because worrying can be productive if it signals and triggers you to take action to fix a particular problem worrying is destructive if it makes you feel bad about yourself if it makes you do things that are contrary to your goals if it makes you stressed out and I bet that you have the destructive kind of worrying so now let's go a little bit deeper what do you do if you've got a habit of having a destructive pattern of worrying about money of thinking you're unworthy of telling yourself you're not successful of telling yourself you're not going to make it of buying things that that you can't afford but you buy it as a way to validate yourself because you feel bad about yourself what I want you to do is I want you to go back and repeat some of the exercises that we did in the very beginning of the program so if you haven't signed up for mindset reset no problem there's no race there's you haven't fallen behind plenty of time you can do this at your pace all of the videos are available for free they're all on our YouTube channel they're all on our Facebook pages and if you go to Mel Robbins comm slash mindset reset you will get an email from us that has amazingly helpful links that will give you the playlist of everything it's like boom just like that so go to Mel Robbins comm slash mindset reset if you go to videos 1 through 8 you will see the fountain additional training that we did on the science of thinking on your default mindset on worrying on all kinds of really important skills and science for you to understand and it's super easy and you really need to go watch this stuff the second thing is is that for video 13 on we covered the morning routine from 9:00 until 11:00 that's it no we did a lot longer nine until video 12 we did a ton of stuff on the morning routine and on the journaling method that I use you can revisit 9 through 12 if you want to check that out but really we started picking up on worrying and anxiety in the connection between those two things at video 13 so if money is something you worry about you're gonna look at video 13 and video 14 and I'm gonna explain the assignments but this is going to help you go back and identify why you are triggered by money you see something happened to you and in video 14 we talked a lot about how you identify the triggers that cause you to do things that you want to stop doing and I want to say something very quickly about triggers and about the work that you're doing you are not fixing yourself okay when you do a mindset reset you're not fixing yourself because you my friend are not broken you are exactly where you need to be right now you have all of the lessons from your life from all the great things all the failures everything you're exactly where you need to be right now in your life in order to get to the next level that you want to get to we're not fixing you we're fixing patterns from your past that no longer serve you right now and will not help you get to your future so what we want to fix and change is we want to fix and change the patterns that get triggered by your past that aren't gonna help you get to your future and so if you look at video 13 and you look at video 14 I walk you through some exercises where you go through your day and you identify all the things that trigger you related to and in this case it's going to be money so what I want you to do today or tomorrow whenever you have time is I want you to wake up after you do your morning routine and I want you to go through your day and notice all day long what triggers you to worry or make yourself wrong or think about in a negative way money what is it is it the price of coffee and telling yourself you shouldn't do it is it looking at your paycheck is it checking your bank balance is it looking at things that catching yourself looking at things you can't afford what is it that triggers you is it seeing other people in expensive clothing and making yourself wrong what about money triggers you and then you're gonna ask yourself the question that I already taught you to ask in videos 13 and 14 and that question is don't say what's wrong with me about money why can't I make money don't ask yourself those questions which are basically like punching yourself in the face ask yourself this question what happened to me to make me believe that I'm not worth making money what happened to me that made me believe that I'm not smart enough to be successful what happened to me that makes me believe that I need to buy something in order to feel good about myself because there is a connection between something that happened to you and the Association that it triggered with money and we got to get to that pattern because that's the pattern that we need to fix and when you start to work on the pattern so being delivered about not buying stuff that you don't need and coming up with something else that you're gonna do instead to make yourself feel good being deliberate about making a plan to go ask for that raise or making a plan every day to work on your multi-level marketing business or your your your side hustle project so that every day instead of having yourself be triggered by money and the lack of money and the fact that you haven't made a sale yet that you're actually in action making things happen so that you do make the money this is how you change the patterns around money that are triggered by your negative belief system and triggered by yourself doubt now I'm gonna take some questions I have a feeling Chris is gonna bust in here any second because I've got to drive our children to theater like right now but we're gonna take some questions until that happens um I have a huge amount of student debt I get so guilty every time I do anything fun or spend money on vacations even though I'm making good progress paying down my debt how do I get over the anxiety of living my life with death this is an enormous issue Millennials who are the generation that now is kind of in their kind of mid to late 30s have the largest student debt load of any generation in the history of humanity and it is a very real and stressful thing but here's the thing if you are making progress on paying down your debt and if you consistently pay down your debt you have nothing to worry about nothing to worry about and what you need to fix is the pattern of making yourself wrong for taking care of yourself and I don't know what happened I don't know if you had parents that were very frugal I don't know if you had parents that always said we don't have money to go on vacation I don't know if you had parents that told you that you should never have debt I don't know what happened again that's the question but somewhere along the line you associated spending money with yourself as either irresponsible or not a good idea or you associated spending money on vacations or spending money when you're still paying down debt as not a good idea or maybe what happened is you have the opinion that you're not good enough or worthy of doing nice things for yourself and so you got to get to the root of why you feel this way because based on what you're doing you're paying down your debt every single month and you're making good progress on it that's financial responsibility if anything your default way of thinking about my money should be look at me I qualified for a student loan I got my degree and now I am responsibly paying it down every single month and I can also still save enough money to still go on a vacation which I deserve that's how you want to think about it so I think that you're what happened probably has something to do with self-worth not necessarily money it's just that your self-worth is triggering you to have negative patterns related to money Jax I often avoid asking customers for money owed because I feel bad reminding them how do I get over this well Jax unless it's your customers for your business you might be in the wrong job you know you should not be in accounts receivable if asking people for money makes your stomach hurt and what I would do is I would first ask the question if this is a job that you have as to whether or not this is the right job because if it makes you nauseous to do this you shouldn't be in this job if this is your business then the thing that you need to change from feeling bad reminding them you need to change that from realizing that your services are so valuable you deserve to get paid the other thing that you can do is you could basically say you could change the story if this is something that you have to do and the story could be I feel bad reminding them to they're actually thankful that I'm reminding them because they have so much stress going on in their life that they forgot about this the other thing is is that you can through your calls you're reminding them yes but you could also ask is there an issue that we need to be aware of are you able to send a check this week maybe they need a payment plan which would be a huge benefit to them and that's something that you could do in the customer service role if your company allows it Erin my husband and I have a hard time communicating objectively about money there is always some type of blame or something how can we have easier conversations about money Erin this is an excellent question Chris and I used to fight about money all the time and the reason why is because we grew up in very different households related to money and what happened for Chris is he grew up and got a very frugal you don't spend money on yourself message and I grew up in a household where my parents didn't discuss money I mean we had a my dad put himself through medical school had student loans till it was in his late thirties he we were in public housing when he was in medical school my mom worked nights for the IRS but I never ever ever ever once heard my parents discuss money in a negative way and so Chris and I and you you absorbed your parents conversation about money and so if you grew up in a household where it was tight and your parents were stressed about it you probably absorbed it I grew up in a household where it was tight as hell there just wasn't money at times but I never knew that as a kid so I have this freedom around money if you want it you go make it and Chris doesn't and so we fought and fought and fought until we got to the bottom of what both of our stories were and so that I could understand where Chris was coming from and what was interesting erin is that we would get in these fights about money and then we go around and around and around and it's because my orientation toward money triggered his fears and so our fights were not actually about money they were a conflict based on the fact that my behavior was triggering fear in Chris and it was making him develop a lack of trust in me because he didn't trust the way that I was with money because it violated his story about money does that make sense so I would go deeper I would have both of you do this exercise what are your fears about money what happened about money growing up what are your opinions about money and I would talk about that so that you resolve the core issue and set some boundaries about how you talk to each other instead of constantly fighting about money okay Tina and this is the final one is it normal for all your negative patterns to be related to a predominant negative belief I love this question if you guys noticed if you've been watching since the beginning how much more focused I've gotten so that as you progress through any breakdown or any trigger or any anything that upsets you or makes you lose your focus if you reset your mindset if you get rid of the and express the thing that's bothering you and you keep going you will regain your footing I promise that's just how it works and too often what happens is we throw our hands in the air and get frustrated and then we give up that's not what we're training you to do we're training you to be aware self-awareness is so powerful to be able to name what's going on so you can get it out of its psychological hold and then to continue to choose to move forward that's the whole process of mindset reset and I want to I want to ask Tina's question one more time it's very powerful one is it normal for all of your negative patterns to be related to a predominant negative belief absolutely absolutely so if you believe that you're not good enough and you see that in your relationships and you can start to see how your belief system that you're not good enough this default belief that got encoded a long time ago you can see Wow huh that's sad I mean thinking I'm not good enough I didn't apply for that job because I said I wasn't good enough I didn't master that raise because I said I wasn't good enough I didn't go for that guy or that gal that I was attracted to cuz I told myself I wasn't good enough for them I didn't leave that person that treated me like junk because I believed I wasn't good enough hmm wow I don't make the sales calls for my new business to try to grow this thing because you know I fundamentally don't believe I'm good enough to succeed so why would I bother making these calls I don't go to the gym cuz I don't think I'm good enough for I deserve it so why would I create the time your core negative belief is impacting every single choice you make every single one in some way shape or other and that's why it is essential the most important thing that you could do is to start to understand your default default network in your brain and where your mind drifts to based on this core negative belief and how it is triggering you all day long to make decisions to act in certain ways to silence yourself to do things that are against your values to do things that undermine you to do things alike it's everywhere and the good news is and I'm so happy you asked this question Tina is that if it's everywhere that means if we change this pattern and we program your brain not to default to thinking you're not good enough but to default to something that's empowering of course I deserve to go to the gym of course if I work hard all I'll build this business of course I'm good enough to put in the work and make this happen of course I'm good enough to walk up to that person and if we don't click it means these or she's not right for me like if you can fundamentally change this default to something that's empowering your entire life changes so that's the end of the questions very quickly let me sum up videos 1 through 8 are all the primary science so you might even want to go back and look at all of that because we do have great training on the default network mode Mandy and Daniel what video was that one in that 1 through 8 series the default mode I know we talked about it at length but I don't I don't know where it is and if you want to look at the morning routine and the journaling method because you're supposed to be practicing your new morning routine every single day of this program that means plug in your phone tonight outside your bedroom and when you wake up don't look at your phone get out of bed don't hit the snooze spend the first minute or PUC's need 10 to 30 minutes before you turn on the TV before you look at your phone before you check your email before any outside influence hits your brain that you plan your day you figure out what you're gonna think about you anchor down you visualize you think about that positive encoding that you're going to put and train yourself to think as a pattern and then you go on your day and all day long if you get triggered like I got triggered when I couldn't get the damn tech to work ok big deal so what it's not like somebody's dying for crying out loud but it still got triggered it happens don't let it derail your day notice it say it choose to move on if moving on feels rocky notice it say it choose to move on and Danielle Amanda you've got the videos that are all about the the default network mode in your brain and this is really cool stuff for you to watch it's videos 2 3 & 4 it's awesome awesome powerful stuff so if you want to know more about how that filter works that network that default Network go watch videos 2 to 4 and here's the deal you're not behind if this is the first video that you've ever seen in the mindset reset series welcome congratulations you stumbled onto something life-changing that's free and I'm happy that you're here go to Mel Robbins comm slash mindset reset and you will get on the email list and we'll send you links to everything to make this super easy for you if this is maybe the seventh video that you've watched and you've missed the other 13 who cares don't make yourself wrong you can catch up you can do this at your own pace you can watch this whatever you want these are tools that you will use for the rest of your life because resetting your mindset and fixing the patterns that no longer serve you and reprogramming that default network up here is that you're not constantly thinking negative things about yourself but that you are starting to default to something positive it'll change your life totally because if you change how you think they'll change your life and you know I have to say I'm really proud of all the progress that you're making and it makes me so happy to see all your social media posts so please please please continue to tag us in your social media posts ask you questions we've got a bunch more really amazing trainings coming up related to worry and anxiety or to be talking about kids and anxiety Danielle and Mandy what are we talking about tomorrow so I do a preview it's probably right here in front of me teaser for tomorrow Thank You Danielle and Mandy oh we're gonna touch on a huge topic tomorrow and that's kids and anxiety video 21 is gonna be all about kids and anxiety and our team created something super amazing a free download for you that we're gonna be talking about as well that are tools to help parents that or teachers or anybody that have kids younger kids that are struggling with anxiety so tomorrow's our really important day video 21 Mandy Danielle anything else that I need to say in case nobody else tells you I want to make sure that I tell you that I love you and I love you for watching this and being here and I believe in your ability to make small changes and to do the things that you need to do to fundamentally change how you think to change your habits and that's why we're here we're here to support you and doing that and that's why we're gonna be here tomorrow for video 21 but we will not be here over the weekend over the weekend we are taking a reset mindset break so that we can catch up you should too so that we can enjoy our families and so that we can take the downtime and do the things to take care of ourselves that we all need to be doing and so we'll pick back up with video 22 at some point on either Monday or Tuesday anyway thanks for being here thank you to my team for your patience as I stumbled through the tech issues and that's it we'll see you tomorrow

Channel: Mel Robbins

Views: 146,102

Rating: 4.9209337 out of 5

Keywords: mindsetreset

Id: U6TNauJ3Vqc

Length: 33min 41sec (2021 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 24 2019