You cant have a 3sum with your moms... |#heresthething

and five four three two what up y'all welcome here's the thing i'm kevin cheese uh church announcements keep your distance comedy is this friday listen let me tell you what the black woman on this lineup keisha e takara c ty d um they are funny imma just let me ty got a joke about ashy titties oh oh no she went to a mammogram and has joke about has a joke about the experience i've been listening to comedy for as long as i can remember i never heard no mammogram joke that's great it is outstanding something else to cara i think she done crept into my top five mm-hmm i think she done crept in she's really funny is consistently great she if this was 1989 and an agent was in the audience watching her set she would have got a holding deal and a sitcom somewhere if she was roseanne barr in 1990 that set they would have built a show around wow it is special worthy if you only buy tickets to see takara comedy only it is worth your money josh you'd be paying that amount anyway you go see her to see her do 15. and it's you know people will be buying one ticket five people watch the show look at that i don't mind i get it josh i'm gonna give you a clip of just ty and takara i mean everybody's good don't get me wrong i want you to feel like it's not good tie into car stand out so far wow so ashy titties and one of the cars just hold it here put it here here come the ashy titties there's all these rules and things that you got to do when you go to the mammogram appointment you can't put on lotion you can't put on no deodorant you can't put on powder you can't put on perfume they are trying to humiliate women all over the world because now i got to take my dry saggy soggy ashy titties into this place and let strangers i can't make them look good you know what i mean so now i get that i'm like okay cool now i'm concerned because i don't want just anybody handling my breasts okay especially not a dude i feel more comfortable with women doing women's stuff for me but i also didn't want no young girls touching on my teeth because they had titties that long i want somebody who had titties for a while to know what they doing so my titty technician was a lovely lady named dolores and she's had titties for at least 75 years so i knew she was gonna be all right my husband he's a relationship coach he's a relationship specialist life skills coach that's what he do for a living he specializes in helping me on a relationship like that's what he do for a living he helps people sweet calm kind understanding listens to hear you i can tell them what i want i remember i said hey i need new cabinets or i need new shelves in my closet my closet is too small i need new stuff in here i toured for a week and came back he put the shelves in the closet i was like damn well well you marry me fix everything great guy got married in february been together for two years in june i ain't trying to mess up nobody's relationship in here i'm just telling you what we did over here you know what i learned being with this man for two years calm patient kind understanding sweet listens to hear you you know what i learned being with this man for two years it's me girl i'm the problem [Applause] just me i didn't know i didn't know were you in a relationship with somebody else that's toxic you don't know it's you you're just like it's you it's you it's you but when you arguing with yourself it's me look at some of the women quiet they're like wait a minute is it me it's us it's us it's us it's us i get into an argument with my husband he don't even argue back i'll tell him what i think he wants to say i'll say this this this and i'm like what you got to say he was like babe i don't want to say nothing oh what you want to say this this this that and the third and he'd be like i ain't even say that and he just look at me and i look at him and i'll be like oh it's me [Music] it's me all right kevin you so black it looks like you smoke black and miles listen i'm black because i flew private oh down to cabo san lucas oh with tabitha brown i'm gonna make this video later but you can get to mexico on a private jet one or two ways you can get my master class and build your social media and make up the money or you can be tabitha brown's friend which is easier what are you more likely to happen can you commit to today what can you work on that's it right okay all we can work with is what's given to us because he's trying to tell his friends it's it's not good and travel alone with friend is another level yeah we were six passengers on a 10 passenger what's going on stream what's crazy is i saw those posts as my cart was loaded with all tabs home decor stuff i was like i'm contributing to this you put the gas in that bag on jet and kept your friend in the air let me tell you so much stuff though i i don't know how i'm going to go back to regular life oh you can't how do i fly first class the hope airline was [ __ ] we was eating ceviche in captain's chairs or benches eating ceviche on a pj i need to write a verse about this oh yeah should yeah we're the beats josh i'm not doing this with you bro eat ceviche on a pj i mean was it just everything you wanted it to be i almost cried it has been a dream of mine for so long why didn't you cry because chance saw me looking out the window and he was like hey kevin it's feeling y'all and he did about three times he pulled me out i was looking up because i've driven by that airport yes and everything's the way to lax i lived beside it every time i drove by today every time i see a private jet fly before then i'd be like one day that's going to be me and that day that was that day oh you didn't know me when i lived beside that airport i'm dead serious it was my house the airport was across the street and look at you just driving up in there i said man i mean when you fly private the whole experience is different what when you get first of all flight's at 10. you know what time you get there 9 45. yes 950. what's tsa kim poor people stuff tsa is taboo said all right that's csa dab said hi dog they come get your bags hand them over your passports get on the plane custom you can do customs on the plane nice they bring your passports back to you everything's good pull the door first of all and the pjs take off different ain't no halo whole long taxi way the man said go to play and go it goes straight up yeah the i mean they had liquor on it some people drank it i was one i had mimosas on it i couldn't waste it's pre-paid you can't waste the liquors gosh you can't josh angel i i can only imagine oh it's gonna happen no yeah this will be my mode of transportation this is just like when i flew first class for the first time i remember they bumped me up because we've been flying a lot they bumped me up and it was from new york to l.a and it was the pods and i said man one day that's going to be my regular it took me it was a long day i don't even think i was touring regularly at this time i think we just got bumped luckily one time i think last tour was the first full tour that you did this tour was this was the first time i used to just get bumped up all the time yeah but this time i was like this is where i sit down this is the ticket but man that gulf stream oh man they had a gold toilet i mean gold uh like handles handles and stuff seat belt was gone i said god this is how you want me to be this is what you meant by street spade would go you were talking about man that's crazy getting off on the tar map the car's there yeah you just spawn thanks we went to we went to the little customs in mexico they got alcohol there they're pouring you shots while they i said well y'all treat people different yes and my whole thing in life is i want to get there and stay there yeah i don't want to go there and then i'd be back to spirit airlines so what you gonna do kevin sell drugs if i got to whatever i got to do i got to sell no time you fly what are you going to do grow up i'm gonna someone's touching your shoulder off of me when somebody says that's my c they're gonna be like you look like a mar you look like a mod you have to go to the bathroom yuck in first class tapped and spoiled you oh lord she does let me tell you what in my friend group i do all right when you would touch no that's a different that's a whole different thing i ain't the one i'm y'all wanted some skittles i'm gonna get this i can't get the i'm gonna get the share size so everybody can have some i can't put in on this just yet better but when we land anybody want chips right i got you pretzels bottled water that is all me i handled the tip i'm only doing 10 though because he was just okay anybody else you know that just me okay man different yeah different we had a price tab rented out a whole yacht i saw just for the six [ __ ] that was on the private plane was on the yacht drinking and listening to black music and oh to see the what he tastes just after there's a lot of boats out there yeah there's a lot of jets out there there's a lot of jets out we was in the ocean i was looking at the other boats like don't look at us yuck garcon when i saw the guy i said ooh that looked like the big sister for my birthday it looked like his big big grown sister a full-sized bed no i saw it melissa was walking around the bed i was like oh that's i felt like i was on succession i wanted to meet that [Applause] don't want to start dude f off to everybody yes you should have i said there's two privates in one day i mean one money is different tab has literally everything she has target she has food network she has a book she has a youtube show she has uh her own merch she has children a husband a house what happens she is saturating the market she can just post her promo stuff and it's enough content seasoning donna's breast recipe oro all of it a beautiful daughter a son good at basketball who's handsome blackie's a dog is gonna be a teenage dad you're gonna have uh dogs that you and melissa are raising because monty ain't gonna do right they're gonna sell john mighty stuff at dollar general oh monty is selling this stuff outside after the concert the illegal stuff michael jackson died they were selling smp shirts with the wrong date that he passed away they had it for the date prior that's monty outside the concert absolutely hey uh you know what we're gonna give five off because we had printed the wrong day bacon wrapped hot dogs with ash and a cigarette over the hot dog two for five my boy he's not blackie he's not nelson i know i'm trying to have lottie trap blackie get pregnant by him get get us in the family right i was like tab it looks like looks like we're family now we can also fly whenever you're ready somebody on patreon said monty will have witty hutton shirts monty's selling merch on tour next year oh and i went to we were in vegas right there's birthday tap stuff the va the target in vegas they're her thing the shelves were bare that's i was myself was sold out that's why i had to get my stuff shipped we just yeah we got our furniture from her uh was uh was at the house when we got back but i bought some stuff just adventures yeah she's so cute chair batman that's what it's about the chair wasn't on sale on in target because it takes up a space but online you can get it i was gonna buy it but um i'm glad y'all saying this because it was something that i didn't buy i was going to buy it but i was like i ain't got no place to put this chair but it is is it big no it's like it's a perfect uh desk chair and it's uh it's one of the patterns from one of the outfits is the black one oh i saw that shirt yeah it's so pretty it's so beautiful but i mean we're all so glad that you got to live your dream man i wanted y'all to come one day you will take us or i will take myself one way one day we gonna be up in there man that plane goes straight there that's crazy it goes straight you go straight home you are off the thing through customs probably in the time that it takes you to get from your gate to baggage claim we were through customs and in our car probably less than that i mean you go off on the tarmac you're out you're outside your car was i was to the driver's car within three five minutes including customs wow cause they just come take your passport scan your back scan the plane i see why celebrities take drugs and stuff huh like when you fly private oh because it's so like they do security stuff but it's so different than like yeah i think if you travel like that often you'll forget that you can't do that stuff oh you know what i mean that you can't be out here yeah like you can't take drugs and stuff i don't i can't say this i don't know for sure but i don't imagine that private airport where all of them celebrities pitchers on the wall i don't believe they probably searching too heavy for stuff oh no i think that's part of the reason you pay more because they want to keep their they want to keep that clientele absolutely well listen if you all can't fly private because money is tough you need to get dave okay because listen sometimes us regular folk not flying private we'd be in a pinch with cash right um especially when it's always even we be doing like all right and we're like okay my budget is great that's when something unexpected happens that's when oh my car's engine decides to fall out the bottom of it or all of a sudden all of my tires are bald or um shoot i need to do a home repair something happens that knocks everything out of whip or it could be something fantastic and you're just like oh my god i'll get to see this person i get to see kev and melissa on their book tour i need to purchase a ticket so that i can go i forgot about that yeah you got to be able to you you're like how can i make this happen because i only make this much money today today well listen you can get dave level with me we've all been in a situation at some point in our lives when they're we're a little tight on cash maybe you can only afford a few gallons of gas in your tank or you got another save the date and you're wondering how you're going to afford the gift that's where dave can help dave is a banking app that can help you get up to 500 instantly with extra cash there's more money to fill your bank buy a wedding gift or catch up on bills or see melissa and kevin on their book tour you can finally tackle those expenses that have been stressing you out without any hangups there's no interest and no credit check needed millions of people have already downloaded the dave app to get the financial relief they need with extra cash so if you're in a pinch and need some extra help download dave and think of it as a helping hand from future you download the dave excuse me download the dave app from the app store right now that's d-a-v-e sign up for an extra cash account and get up to 500 dollars instantly 500 instantly what you say for terms and conditions go to dave.com legal instant transfer fees apply banking provided by evolve member fdic future you will thank you all right thank you guys for indulging dream talks usually reserved for patreon also on patreon our book tour dates two of the dates are live dc and houston marcus and angel are joining us on the book tour so you get to see the baltimore beautiful all together now uh we're doing four cities first uh we are doing atlanta on september 13. washington dc on the 14th houston on the 15th in chicago on the 16th and then we'll do another run a couple weeks later so the 17th thing is off the table right now yes okay okay yeah i don't want to say uh later the the cities that i rec that i know for sure are new york and north carolina date get ourselves a new york slice yeah i think philly and then i believe a bay area date and then la later on there'll be a book signing somewhere well it's gonna be fire yeah so uh and dallas people i know somewhere like oh you ain't coming to dallas not for the book tour we don't have enough time it's that market is as close as you can get to it sorry guys chattanooga is not on the schedule so while i was preparing for uh this week's episode i saw this video and i didn't think it was real but it it is real uh and you the title says what happens but this this is a threesome that i don't think you should be having in your life what his stepmom no his like like birth mother and she sucked his [Music] how was legs it was great once he looked at her and told her yo come do what you do best it was downhill from there wait he told his mom come do what you do best and come do what you do best she started sucking his and then at one point they looked at me and he was like come suck and i was like why [Music] don't put that on kirk franklin's radio uh on the kerf english press here's the thing is off of kirk franklin's radio it is it's gone um let me say something y'all y'all got to go to jail you can't love your children that much separately separate generations you cannot that is not sexy that is not frank freaky that is not kink shaming that is not a tab on on tip hub that is incest bestiality y'all why would you do one the mom why would you would admit as the person if somebody does a man on the street thing with you and they ask you i had a toe in my butt oh god i took a toe in my butt it was crazy they said hey let me put a big toe in your butt i said okay and it was sharp cut my butt ha ha you're crazy that is a crime in 38 states the other 12 that had eight sec states pretty sure it's probably okay in alabama no disrespect to alabama i don't know if we know that for sure let's see they'll be doing stuff in alabama yeah but west virginia i've seen the whole incest family on a youtube video in west virginia let's say west virginia alabama you're off the hook west virginia i ain't got no fans there anyway i never have a show in west virginia you're good huntsville i love you mobile birmingham floor milly from alabama west virginia they had a whole youtube video about the incest family they was all messed up in the brain their brain was full of cream of wheat up there cream awaiting corn i mean these people's teeth was here it was like the filter it was doing the yes by the way i didn't know that i was a filter at first i didn't i thought the devil was alive uh computers are too crazy but um do you ever see the instant family thing in west virginia no i don't want to hear i don't want to see it i don't it was on some uh targaryens no not but anyway and this was black folks let me tell you i was so mad when i saw the video because the video didn't have the disclaimer that that you were going to hail after hearing it right so when i heard it it instantly pissed me off i bet i was so angry let me tell you of all the things i'd rather someone tell me about than to ever hear that story ever again i'd rather hear somebody their kink is that they like to be crapped on and but they like to take the poop into a deep conditioner set under the dryer to let the poop marinate in their head then wash it out with piss scat play oh i'd rather i'd rather hear about so many other disgusting things than to ever hear a story that involves that yeah i mean it literally makes me sick to my stomach i don't like this episode i don't like it i i was like when i saw it in the docket i was like the nope no because who had duvall had posted it and i he didn't say anything he didn't like there was no no there's no disclaimer and so when this woman goes into the store i literally i was about to break my phone and throw it away and be like i'll start again i'll start again i'll start my whole instagram career over i'll throw away my instagram account all 236 thousand of y'all bye i'll find you all again by the way 236 thousand instagram followers is a lot thank you i just want you to know that thank you all right all right all right healthy 23636 healthy 236. we'll move on somebody in patreon just remind me of this and i feel like it's warranted discussion out of nowhere actually i was talking a chance on my private jet vacation we was arguing about r b and i was making the claim that i've made often that drew hill can go toe-to-toe with joe to c on versus made my uh tweet and cisco friend of the pod friend of re made a video shouting me out and there was healthy discussion on the timeline about drew hill and jodeci and i just want people to know if you don't know not only they're not getting washed here's what i'll say songs for songs it's very close if you add the performance element of versus today i believe drew hill wins this verses cisco's runs alone cisco's runs alone sorry somebody says something so funny to me i'm sorry hey tell us last story somebody said angel would rather hear shah sing again i would rather hear three terrible four terrible male singers sing that to me for the rest of my life than to hear that story ever again i fully agree with you friend about uh uh what's the name drew hill do you agree oh heck yeah let me play y'all something and i don't care how long ago this was i just want you to know this and it ain't gonna be that song angel don't worry if it is i promise i will leave i'll be like this is too much i mentally don't you dare play me kevin i told you before i leave i will knock all the off of your desk it's not the song i don't know why this isn't playing all right hold on let me set it up first what boy oh where is it bulma stand up drove by drew hill this weekend [Music] every day [Music] [Music] [Music] the funniest part of this video is jojo what boy what boy [Music] apparently they got better now some people had said they they they've been went out and saw them recently in the last two or three years i think they're on tour new edition none of that changes that video for me that happened though that absolutely happened [Music] i'm like did you could y'all not hear it and the fact of the matter is the one that's singing the background vocals jojo sounds like he is lost of course everybody listen to kc because he's over here just losing his mind in the front but listen to jojo in the back let's just play a little more hold on [Music] coming up [Music] give me is not only like they can't hear themselves it's like they have no ears so they're singing so they're screaming into the mic and jojo's singing the harmony like that live life live live oh my god live live oh my god what boy they just lost a hole they gave me life he just said no matter what that happened you can't take that away from me we saw it we heard it that is a nine minute long video to bless their hearts they couldn't they couldn't find their way out they couldn't have heard themselves they could not have heard themselves i would love to hear their reaction to that video oh man they're like oh nelsey that was a rough day for me had a bender the night for a night befo and uh yeah cause that was just terrible but drew hill i'm sorry like you know what it is i feel like depending on where you were at in your sexual life yes this is the same thing me and chad said yeah it will determine who you want jodeci was way way too grown for me yeah even though there they came you know around the same time as uh a little earlier drew hill yeah just just a little bit not a whole whole whole lot it's only it's not it's a teens ahead but i think what is more important is how old you were yes that's what i'm saying in your sexual experiences yes where uh i feel like i don't feel like all of drew hill songs were so much i don't feel like i had to be sexually active and i wasn't when drew hill had their songs like beauty is her name yeah i was like ah yeah i don't need to be sexually active to love this song so and also let me just be clear all right so let me let me okay so jodeci forever my lady came out in 91 diary of a madman in 93. those are probably their top two show the after part of the hotel in 1995 the past present the future 2015. drew hill studio albums drew hill 1996 enter the drew 98 drew world order 2002 andrew penden's day they would just put it in yeah so that four or five year difference so chance was saying he was at around middle school when jodeci was releasing and i was around middle school early high school when drew hill was releasing now me and chance are the same age i think he's a year older than me or two years older than me i think i'm right in the middle maybe two what are you 42 40 plus two 42 i think it's 44. yeah so even though there's a four-year i don't know chance's life like that yeah we had a he had a baby in high school exactly so you still wore glasses in your half up half down i made it all the way through high school without giving up the cooch so again there was a part of jodeci that i wasn't literally able to relate to because i wasn't doing the things yeah yeah where if you were then it was like yes encouraged me to do more of those things yes yeah uh also i just want to take this moment to say since we're talking about it the song that i do not like that everybody loves is all my life [Music] on the 90s [Music] playlist is not a bad song everybody has a song that everybody loves that you would personally hate like shy now that everyone should be the only person i've met that has strong feelings about that song that i've met uh and how i feel about 112. most people have no feelings or they like that song they don't have that group that sounds cool it's great but all my life i never heard that song again in all my life really i pray for that what part of it don't you like and then i think mostly 0.00 to the end from the first piano no skip the first three notes i mean every wedding oh my god if you didn't have this never fall in love with the stranger [Music] [Music] i would love to hear them sing i would have loved to hear those two that were in that computer to sing that song i would love to have heard it heard how it would have came out oh my goodness [Music] with a stranger [Music] oh yeah that oh see this person patreon said they hate they feel that way about waterfalls [Applause] who don't like that song i can see how that could get on somebody's nerves why it's just a lot it was like it felt like witchcraft they were over here turning into water silhouettes yeah it looked uh who did that hype williams a video yeah but i mean dungeon family did the music though ah they did i saw that in that um the dungeon family documentary what was that called no uh wild no no no no boys boys when the dude with hiv disappeared that remember disappearing in r b videos was big of course it was a big thing that was it you didn't make a video sam had people disappearing drew hill waterfalls it's just remember there was like the art of organized noise the art of organized doors i just it was a i could see it was a very depressing song that we were like yeah please stick to the gonna die of hiv come on used to hey gave him love and his body can't handle oh no it was some tough imagery and meet me at the crossroads you were asking a lot of us as children yeah the first time i saw the crossroads music video i was in middle school i was like this is devil worship oh absolutely when that dude first hit somebody's head and their eyes went black i was like oh my we are god i don't you can't do that yeah no definitely the devil was coming the devil was there i was like oh okay is this so this this is what we're doing no i was so afraid of uh i mean he wasn't uncle charles but when he killed uncle troll i mean he killed uncle charles who killed uncle the man the man from all states i know that he's not the man from all state but he kind of looked like he could be his brother he um uncle charles was sitting on the couch on the stoop and then that man came and touched his head and his eyes went back and bone was as snuggy as they were they couldn't do that and that's when i still thought bone had sold their souls to the devil because that was the rumor that that's what they told us they did they tell us that our people were saying that no the church yeah what you mean oh yeah that's what the church told us they didn't sold their souls to the devil and they were supposed to die in 1999 and then they they're still they did versus last year so this morning biggie biggie it's boring biggie biggie this morning biggie biggie you know what let me tell you guys about honey honey first yeah babe i went to scroll i was like why am i at the bottom let me tell you all about honey today's episode is sponsored by paypal honey what's your favorite thing paypal honey that's what i said now honey done wouldn't got it together with paypal you heard what i said what you said i know you said it what's your favorite thing to shop for online i like to shop for tab stuff because that's what i'll be doing too and you know i be shopping okay a lot of my money uh is it easy to find deals on it well how often do you feel like you have a promo code ready at checkout i know i'd be pissed off when i don't have a promo code thanks to honey manual manually searching for coupon code is a thing of the past honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best one it finds to your cart it supports over 30 000 stores online ranging from tech and gaming products to popular fashion brands and even food delivery how it works imagine you're shopping on one of your favorite sites when you check out the honey button drops down and all you have to do is click apply coupons wait a few seconds as honey searches for coupons it can find for that site if honey finds a working coupon you'll watch the prices drop listen i remember i used to be one of those people that used to look for coupon codes because i'm always trying to save money you are it's not a game for me when i tell you honey makes it so much easier you just it's just like it's just taking money off of the table that you were about to give these folks that didn't need to happen honey makes it so easy and it is actually as easy as they say they'll literally give you a list of coupon codes that can work and you can just be like all right then let me see this money get back in my pocket honey you can add honey to your iphone too just enable it on safari and you can find savings overall i don't even know that i am so excited i did not know i'm yelling if you don't have honey already have honey you can straight up be missing out it's literally free and it stalls in a few seconds and by getting it you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast i'd never recommend something i don't use get honey for free at joinhoney.com crew with the k groove it again that's join honey dot com slash crew with a cat crew with a cane all right switching subjects tremendously uh the goat serena williams she's not retiring in her word she's evolving away from tennis i just want to take my moment to shout her out she's great she's amazing uh i love her she's been a fantastic athlete my whole life i saw her and i was weird i saw her at a party at an oscar's party because i wanted to say hi to her so i was just standing around her acting like i couldn't find anywhere to sit and this was like their seats all the way over there and i was like what i don't see any seats and then when serena made eye contact with me i said hi i love you you're great how are you doing and i understood people who do that to me more because i hadn't done that to anybody in a long time so i love her she's the greatest she's legendary athlete man or woman and i wish her the best it's funny because the sports world tried to make her and maria sharapova be a rivalry and they played 22 times and serena won 20 times and maria won twice and maria was uh i believe she got caught up in some drugs some steroids and stuff and she didn't even that'll do it pretty sure if i'm not mistaken uh correct me from wrong patreon in the comments uh but even with that she didn't beat serena but twice that is not a rivalry it's not that it's just somebody you got lucky twice somebody you lost to over and over that is someone who is better than you that is literally the definition i'm playing against someone who's better than me and this one time she must have been tired bruh 20 that's like beating your older brother or sister in basketball twice in your whole childhood you just know they were slipping that day that's it or either they they were being soft on you by the way she's only 35 maria sharapova yeah serena said this was kind of tough she was saying she played through she played while she was breastfeeding which i've never breastfed fed but i imagine that it affects when you're performing at that level i probably imagine you're affected in some way she said she played through postpartum depression and she just was like she's like at this point i don't want to be away from my family and kids like that i don't understand why she hadn't retired by now like and did she want to win one more grand slam and she would have been the soul like had the most of man or woman okay i can understand that as far as in that being a goal yeah it's just like okay obviously um she can do whatever the hell she wants to she's a grown woman yeah but i was shocked that she was still playing not because she wasn't still amazing but it's just because like who who else is there yeah it's like who else is there forty and tennis they be pro they're like boxers they be pro at remember venus was like 14 15. yes serena they've been pro since they were teenagers i was like unless they can get jesus down here to play you i don't know who else like or either just start playing people that suck yes see what happens i was um i was sad when like naomi osaka was beating her and coco golf i was like leave her alone because it's like in her she was number one for like 138 weeks at one time that's that's what i'm saying i just didn't understand let me be number one once and i'm quitting i got it i got i'm done i believe she won i i know she wants a mattress pregnant she might have won a major pregnant if i'm not i would not be surprised really she's really the um she's really the the yes she did i'm sorry she's really the the she you can say it it's warranted you can say it she's really the no she is the goat australian open without losing a set when she was pregnant what are you even talking about that's what i'm saying that's why that's when i would have quit i've been like y'all okay y'all can't see me exactly y'all can't see me i am growing a life right now my body is literally you being used by a leech by an alien yeah michael jordan had bad pizza one night and we just immortalized oh scottie pippen hold me up blue game flute game jordan this is why okay y'all be y'all be knocking me when i be saying you know be beyonce's up here for all the things when you've carried children and are still performing at a level that can't be touched with or eff with by other people i just need everybody to shut up and just stop saying words stop saying words stop saying words so best of best of everything to you serena on your way yeah whatever you do she's just a young 40 i'm sure she'll do amazing things and sad news okay come on come and clear it out brittany griner oh come on get it out hey come on there you go britney griner so sad they got her guilty well she pled guilty and they accepted that uh she was found guilty she was senate and you know usually in stories they'd be like okay the max you can get for this is this right and people don't be getting that so from the beginning of this story it was like the max you can get for this is nine years bruh they went and gave brittany griner nine nine years i said this is an act of war bomb them so that's how i felt too let me tell you what and then they gave that white girl two months and a slap on a wrist 1500 rubies i don't even know what it is i don't even know how much that is i don't know how much brittany had .7 grams and the white girl had 17 or so 17 grand i don't know much about math but i didn't know vape pen with oil in it right yeah it's just the pen though that's what she got so was there i i don't know how vape pens work do you load them with wheat like weed but uh there's different types there's some you that actually vaporize wheat in there but i think she had like the oil based on like hashish or dabs something like that i'm not too versed so she had .7 of it yeah the white girl audrey lorber had 17 17 grams of thc and she got you said ruby is it rubles what is it i don't know what it is but it ain't right the same difference kevin this is oranges and tangerines it's all the same it's not american dollars they hate knowing her black self this is so this the whole debate about this has always been if this were xyz person if this was taylor swift this was tom brady this is lebron james this wouldn't have happened none of those people no none of those athletes would ever have to go play in russia to begin to support their income to begin with wnba players uh are the only major sports athletes that i know of that have to go play in a foreign country to fulfill their like to make bread like that lebron james it's not a fair argument because they lebron james is literally a billionaire right um and then i was gonna go you know i think this is a combination of things i think she's in there because she's mostly an american uh-huh then she happens to be black they don't like blacks and she happens to be a wnba star all of that meant she was gonna get i think you can reverse that they do not like the blacks over there no they don't they don't like that's what somebody was saying why are you going out of the country you try another country they don't you know they don't like black people in spain they don't like black people in america where i live where i live like black people nowhere i go okay i've been to here i've been to spain i've been to london i've been to amsterdam y'all right and she gay she good and gay like she all the way gay she ain't even like are you they call it a hundred footer you can tell from 100 feet away oh never heard of that oh no i heard another a gay woman she was like i'm a hundred footer i was like what does that mean she's like you don't have to know me you see me i remember watching brittany griner's story on the news when she was like 13 she was dunking and they were like she's going to be the 12 or 13 she's gonna be the next big wnba superstar and i was like i'm gonna remember the name brittany grinder she went to baylor she was dunking in there like regular dunking not like i have to be on a fast break she was dunking with other people on that side in the lane and she's one of the probably five or ten best i believe she was an all-star last year like she's not just somebody who's in the league brittany griner is like a star yeah in the wnba she pled guilty because she was like i think she was saying it's not like she didn't know it was illegal or she didn't know she passed i don't know exactly what what she said but she said it was a mistake i made and i was raised this way to plead guilty i don't think it mattered whether she pled guilty innocent no contest she was gonna get for nine years yeah and i was gonna go heavy on the black stuff and i still feel like that but there was a white man uh mark fogle i believe was oh he's american that got a bunch of years angel they gave so the man had took his medical marijuana over there white man teacher they gave a man 14 years for cannabis smuggling his wife was like yo while y'all trying to make trades with brittany griner don't forget about my husband he's a teacher he had medical marijuana because he had like a bad surgery or something like that and he had it with him and they gave that he in there now i think he's like on year one or two and they gave that man 14 years and his wife was like i don't want him to be forgotten can you trade for uh when y'all try to trade for brittany get that white man old white man out of there get him out of there put that lady that emmett lady throw her over there and rush her and pack weed all across her body and just pack her like a drug mule they just decided not to charge her that's what i'm saying i want them to put her on put her on allegiant fly her to russia play her send her have tied her with an mp3 player that say stranger in moscow it only plays that song and she got and put on a dvd player rocky iii oh yeah when he gets beat up and put that part on a loop send it into wrestling and then the miracle on ice when then people the americans beat the russians all of that play that it'd be split screen and take emmett till lady down to the russia put her up put her up put her up there give us back brittany and the teacher that's like truly y'all i've told the story on my channel and on um youtube and all the other places uh about us thinking we're about to get locked up in cuba it is now called me that experience makes me so anxious when i go out of the country especially to a non-english speaking country where i'm just like now what y'all saying about me and what y'all about to do that i can only just the thought of thinking i was about to get locked up was enough to just i was everything in my body i remember leaving spain i got separated from the group at the gate when we're checking our boarding passes they're like oh yeah come step over here and they took me like 300 yards down the airport to a separate little area had me open up all my things remember when we get on the flight this is when i used to fly commercial no but tell the story i remember this no but it was terrifying when he went to mexico they separated josh they took his camera and they was like we were like where's josh they were like they like shoot us cute they're like if somebody gonna sneak some drugs they gonna do it by this little cute baby man they ain't gonna do it with somebody whose eye is missing they could be like you look like the suspect it don't help this girl caught you that's a little cute baby you are 29 years old with you if he went to prison no i'm about i feel sad but if he was in prison he's a cute baby i couldn't do it josh would he wouldn't even be josh would be chips on the table as you arrive fresh breath so here's a joke don't even worry about it you won't see me tomorrow i'm just going to take care of it especially now he said i'm dying he's feeling bearing us in oh he didn't lost all this weight get bro come on listen he was cute then and i love traveling i'm gonna hold you but i saw i saw like hostile and taking i was watching locked up abroad for a minute there and i was like uh i could never go anywhere but russia i want to see the world ex and this is prior to this except russia i'll be 78 years old my kids be like dad it's this didn't like that no more nah that went out but 39 they was taking people away for nine years 14 years respectively i just hope all jokes aside i will be sad uh come on if she stays in a russian prison listen does your probiotic contain clinically studied strains meet one that does ritual symbiotic plus contains two of the world's most study strains with over 350 publications of human clinical trials um listen ritual is the best very bad they gave me lifeblood [Music] um i um like symbiotic because uh symbiotic plus because i feel i personally feel this is my own personal endorsement that it gets the my insides like actually churning working churning sherman working you know what i'm saying gets my body doing the things they're supposed to be doing with digestion everything that's how i personally feel about the ritual symbiotic ritual or symbiotic plus ritual is designed to thrive whether it's delayed release capsules are dying to help reach the colon not the stomach i'll be trying to tell y'all that's where your vitamins got where they go to the colon because that's where you absorb nutrients not in your stomach lines in the colon an ideal place for probiotics to survive and grow no refrigeration needed designed with moisture control bottle technol technology to protect probiotic strains yeah i personally i just like to be able to have be consistently getting the stuff that's not supposed to be in my body waste out of my body and i feel like probiotic helps with that symbiotic plus and ritual are here to celebrate not hide your insides there's more there's no more shame in your gut game that's why ritual is offering our listeners oh my gosh uh ten percent off during your first three months visit ritual.com slash crew with the k crew in the case start ritual or add symbiotic plus to your subscription today like i saw this stat that said america has a four percent of the world's population and 25 percent of its prisoners right believe that we we incarcerate people in america mostly black and brown but we got white people up in there too right um now there was discussions about uh releasing an uh russian arms dealer in exchange for brittany griner yeah i heard that him in the the emmett hill throw in another one a two for one old wife over there get over there i just it's such a it's so super duper sad and i hope listen biden and been asleep with this covet for two weeks how you get it back to back you ain't got no if you can't even get antibodies his body was like we don't make those covet okay he is he is the next string it is called biden if we did omicron now we're at biden if he don't do nothing else during his administration if he could get this woman in this teacher from up out of russian prison i'll be like good job joe good job if that's the only thing if kamala can get out of her vacation braids and get over there and get that britney go get her get her go get her send in jason statham oh my god today this movie called the wrath of man jason statham has made the same one three hundred times that was the most craziest jason state of my movie i've ever seen he'd be killing people in movies man we need liam neeson no i'll leave him let me tell you what i thought about lisa i'm glad you brought that up and taken i was like okay i saw taking three he was trying to jog i was like this old man he didn't have he didn't have it against darth maul what do you expect qui-gon to do in that situation i never when he was over there in that russian well then he was 88 he was not beating primetime russians nobody's gonna fake it don't you like that liam give him give me my daughter back now give her back i must i've got to settle and it was just there yes that's how it works in russia when liam hits with his wrists they can't give her back they can't fight somebody would have punched liam in the face his hip would have came out of soccer he was michael he said liam cause you know at our age you do one thing another part of your body gets hurt oh absolutely there's no there's no breaks in fighting hold on hold on i can't i can't was liam neeson was a thousand it wasn't don't lose 173 years old he wasn't beaten he was he wasn't shooting the people angel he was beating them up just give him my dog that's all you need in russia is liam needs his wrist he is 70 years old oh he got it he looks he looks a good 90. he's sad let me see what taking came out him and joe oh which one he did three of them taken one first of all that move did not need to be making twice made twice oh yeah cause these people i said you're a terrible dad he's awful first of all the apple the what's the apple air thing that you can hear attack on that baby he needs to put air tags on his family because god damn hold on when did this come out taken came out in 2008. no they gonna they gonna shoot the rock as soon as he lands he's too expecting he's huge dwayne the rock johnson we can't say he can't go through customs without getting noticed they're going to kill him i would i would just shoot him on site we're not going to fight you so taking came out in 2008. so that was what 14 years ago 10 is 18. oh i still i've yeah yeah kev good 14 years ago so that means he was 56 look at him looking jacked ain't no way that old man was he would have been able to get up the second day he acquired skills 30 years ago you rusty first of all the reason that movie did so well because that trailer was fire oh man the movie was fired i may not have lived it was not convincing i may not have this but what i do have a special set of skills also i'm 56 so just bring her back i don't really if then he opens up a little werther's original i'll be right there you know he had a pack of reason on the flight over right now how many that there's reason i got they didn't took he was on the flight trying to explain they took my baby over to the rusher i don't know where the baby is he's like you have my daughter what's her name [Laughter] [Music] tell me what it is you gonna lose this listen who am i speaking with it's liam give him give him a baby back huh where is y'all at somebody said john wicks no he's john vicks let me kill these russians hold up hold on give me one second sir let me just i'm gonna beat the brakes off you but i i can't be walking in prague all day looking for my baby without my insoles he if he take the flight with his wrong shoes he died you can't do it okay y'all got one of them scooters though let me get that leave a fight like this we gotta send him those because he always gets the mission completed ain't no way and the other girl she didn't she got took the girl that was with his daughter no the stuff happened to her it was over with for her they haven't got the energy to do that okay he never said nothing about that baby not bring my daughter to her friend she didn't remember she was there all drugs sex trade everything happened to chelsea liam's daughter she was fighting all the bad stuff i have a daughter yeah the other girl was all drunk dead throwing up yeah yeah we just want you to you raised the stakes part of the movie you was never you just so we know it's real you would never go back in real life that would be the same if sable was between saving my son and saving both of them i'm just going to choose to save my son i don't have i only got the trick once i only got it once whoever the other person is i'm gonna let the family he's dead well we heard they had us call we heard his voice he's gone there was one more door i didn't want to open it i found what i needed to find they told us if we give him a ransom because you can take no he's gone they think i said something by eight i was pushing it i can't do it i said your daughter's dead did you look for her and i'm not i don't have it in me to be all over the city i killed him because i didn't want to have to worry about another body dang chuck norris should have went and he uh chuck norris still alive wait a minute my mother loves her some chuck norris does she that's her man that's her boo good chuck norris she was watching the episode one and it was up he had a fight scene fighting's over and they cut back to him this [ __ ] looked like he lost the way they he was like we're going to go down they he had a black eye his hair was all like like jimmy carter put him up chuck norris is 82. oh my god that's my mama's dude chuck norris i used to love chuck walker texas ranger that's what she watched it was the episode of walker texas ranger first of all he had been 50 then because i'm 39. he 82 so i was about 10 or so when that was coming out yeah we were really young this man chuck b i ain't seen him in that in a minute oh chuck looked a mess chuck norris name is carlos carlos ray norris shut up i'm looking at it he's smart chuck definitely appeals more to white folk carlos ray yeah carlos race down like a r b singer how do you get junk from carlos ray he's like chuck is short for charles yeah carlos is in the carlos spanish for charles i don't know you don't translate that carlos we don't trust him backwards yeah carlos ray get in here and do that karate we don't pay for them lessons ray is a blue singer chuck norris is an american karate man all the way from san antonio carlos ray carlos ray norris he ain't having that career he'd go by carlos no no he's not on my side i don't is he latinx no absolutely not he's born in oklahoma i know a lot of things in oakland this man is yeah he latinx no carlos is the masculine name for in the variant in english is charles so that's how you get chuck he went through a couple of a couple of things let me see chuck norris is chuck he's 82 years old look you better not put latinx in there yeah little tanks is carlos ray okay hold on wow irish in cherokee yep uh that's your people they in there come on that's a gray area [Laughter] ray norris was his daddy wilma carlos rashford barry was his mama he was born in oklahoma imagine charles ray as the star of carlito's way i would have given it to him then i would have been like all right you're with us that would've made sense he was like i mean that's it no he knew what to do he was like i gotta appeal to the whites absolutely chuck not charles he could have just stopped at charles he was like uh uh norris don't get the movie made chuck that sounds like somebody that loves america carlos ray hi yeah yeah walker texas ranger was on tv i mean my mother didn't miss we watched that in el paso murder she wrote no i watched i've probably seen every episode come on we bought her the box set boy my grandma the stories that we was too young for boy columba when he figured it out he was alone and another thing uh before i let you go he could never he was always in a constant week i mean just i just he always had a notepad this is him on well i just i was looking i was wondering how'd you do it if you only got one foot boom ah it's a false leg yeah columbo always solved the crime with some salt with some salt in his eye okay so walker texas ranger he got something to decide you stupid 1993 to 2001 won that's a long run 18 years seasons oh they took some time off so that's true man you said 1993 or did 1983 1993 oh i thought you said 83 i was but god dang 1983 it started and it went to 2001. yeah that's a good run that was my walker texas ranger columbo all the stories days of our lives young and the wrestlers we used just watched all just children i didn't know uh matt locke i didn't know peter falk had that eye look right there murdered my mama's stuff too matt you know that's annie griffin yeah i didn't know that didn't click he what's funny is that he looks so short and madlock yes but he is a he was a tall man what didn't click that i would see him uh murder she wrote who was that with the typewriter lady that's uh angela lansbury angela lansbury you know what else what that show with dela reese touched by an angel touched by an angel who was watching that because that's jesus we was watching the waltons good night john boy oh my god today he was watching that he was watching my way to heaven tony has a great joke about math she knew his bedtime yes dr quinn medicine woman watched that little house on the prairie i miss tony doing that joke oh man well then black kids was yeah it was a little house on the prairie golden girls old girl oh i used to watch seven heaven not my mother seventh heaven boy seven heaven but then that man was touching children so i don't watch who the daddy father you wouldn't hear about that i don't know who the dad is yeah ah you know fred savage then got kicked off the warner years the new one um he was yelling at them women he was he was i was reading an article on it today he was the savage in the heat virgil was always sweating wasn't that who was was that andy griffith again no there's another white dude oh wait a minute i remember the black dude more than anybody i never remember the black woman that was andy griffith again angel [ __ ] stay working oh this is the movie hold on am i tripping oh i'm looking at the movie hold on i'm i'm talking about the tv show because the movie was uh sidney poitier yep it was annie griffin in the tv show in the heat of the night all right well we love y'all god bless y'all get your tickets to keep your distance man do it please uh appreciate y'all we love y'all uh bonus i don't know when we'll do it should i do it here sunday we'll do it sometime we love y'all though love you too earlier [Music] [Music] is [Music] angel [Applause]

Channel: KevOnStage Studios

Views: 93,291

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Id: 2i45kR6zOGE

Length: 69min 42sec (4182 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 10 2022