(piano interstitial) - I'm sorry, darling. I know it's been
almost two weeks since my last conjugal visit but I have this terrible cold. Well... Maybe you can play golf. Oh, I kiss you, too. A great big French kiss to
last all night and all day... And so I expect the French
to get on this right away. Yes, thank you. - So, how are things going at old
Rancho Minimum Security? - You know, Emerson, I can
do without the sarcasm. - I'm sorry, Natty, I'm
just trying to cheer you up. I guess just being in love
with your ex-boss congressman who's also married and
serving time in prison on fraud and bribery charges
might be making you... Oh, I don't know,
a little bit blue. But then, if you're
happy, I'm happy. - You know, actually, Emerson, I'm more curious about what you've been doing in
the bathroom for 45 minutes every morning this past week. I mean, is there some reason
you are unable to perform your toiletries at home? You know, I never
really thought of it as "performing my toiletries." But actually, if you are
referring to brushing my teeth, yes, sometimes when I'm
running late, I do it here. - Please, you have been in there
long enough to have a baby. - Right. You caught me. I was in there having
Newt Gingrich's lovechild. Look, I haven't even
had a date since 1956. If it wasn't for the
occasional crowded elevator, I wouldn't have any
sex life at all. - Isn't this the same
blouse you had on yesterday? - This? No, no, I just bring this
blouse in case I need a blouse that looks like the
one I had on yesterday. (laughs) Is that all right with you,
Little Miss Hall Monitor? - Well, I don't know
what you're doing, but something weird is going on. Anyway, this soybean delegation's going
to be here in a half an hour and I need you to brief Suzanne on that upcoming Gephardt bill. What do you have? - Well, a couple of bios and five or six talking
points for today's luncheon. Oh, and Kathleen
Matthews called. She asked for an interview
with Working Woman. - Excuse me, but I think you've
lost your underpants there. - Oh! These old things. I just brought them today
because I'm going to... (clears throat) Give them to charity. - You know, you can leave
them in a bag on your porch and the Disabled Veterans
will come pick them up. - Thank you! That's a very good tip. - So, we've finally
got those sheep back in the swing of
things, huh, Mr. Davis? Well that's just great. You know, I can see why they
were having trouble matin' with those Air Force jets
flying so low overhead. I'm just so glad those romantic
music tapes I sent worked. Yeah. Ebb Tide's always been
a favorite of mine, too. Well you just call if I can
ever be of help again, alright? Bye bye. - Very impressive. - Thank you. Oh, Suzie, that reminds me. Miss Pertle didn't get her Social Security check
again this month, so I gotta call up and kick somebody's little
wagon about that. - Right. - Ooh, that really
steams me, too. Especially after she thanked
me so much for last time. Even made that cute little
rodeo shirt for my dog Randy. He loves it, too. Wears it all the time. - Did it ever occur to
you that it might be because he can't
undo the buttons? - You know, Suzanne,
I have to admit, you may have your detractors but you are damn good
with constituents. - Well, thank you, Natty. Unfortunately, I don't
think I'd fare as well at Washington dinner parties. - Why did something happen
last night at Charlotte Ward's? - No, no, nothing happened. It's that everybody
there was a writer or had a Ph.D. or one of
those, what do you call it? Roxanne Pulitzer deals. - I believe you're referring
to the Pulitzer Prize. - Yeah, that's it. - Anyway, I tried my
best to be charming. They asked me about
the crime bill and I gave what I thought
was a real cute answer. - Why are my palms
beginning to sweat? - I just explained that I'm all for that
three strikes thing, but I think we should also be just as hard on the
women as we are on the men. Especially all those
Lorena Bobbitt imitators. I mean, I'm sorry,
but fair is fair. I say, "Two balls
and you're out!" - And this was
not well received? - No. I don't know, these
people around here, they just take
everything so seriously. And they're all so tired
and pasty looking, too. I'm not even sure some of
these people are even alive. - Suzanne, Washington
is a very serious town, and it is hard to
be taken seriously unless you have the right
academic credentials or at least have written
something noteworthy. - I'm sorry, Natty, but I don't
have academic credentials. Now I went to school
for two reasons: to join a sorority and meet men. And I quit because
I hated studyin'. Especially that damn
Spanish, I tell you. They had this book about
some kid named Jorge. Sat around drinking
coffee all day and takin' his relatives
into town on a burro. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm 18 years old
with a red convertible, datin' the Dean of Students. What the hell did I care what this kid and his grampa
were haulin' to market? - You know, Suzanne, I think have just hit upon
something very important. - Really? - Yes. In order to be a
success in Washington, you really do need to show
that you're a serious person. A person of substance. Anyway, we haven't had
much luck with interviews, so maybe your writing
a article yourself would be a good idea. - An article about what? - Well first we have to
find a subject matter that you're comfortable with. It could be a personal
piece for the Post so that people could
get to know you better. Emerson here's a writer,
so she could help. And the best part is we won't be at the
mercy of some reporter 'cause we'd be the
ones in control. Emerson? - Huh? Oh, sorry. A tragic accident seems to
have taken place in my purse. My deodorant's leaked
all over everything. - I'm gonna get you
some sample articles to take home and read. - Okay. What the hell is
that thing anyway? - Oh, just two
Velcro shoulder pads stuck to a shish
kabob I got last night at the Kuwaiti
embassy reception. You know how it is. Career gal, on the go! (piano interstitial) (piano interstitial) - [Suzanne] You know, Natty,
I stayed up half the night readin' those
articles you gave me. - Really? Oh, that's wonderful, Suzanne. I am very impressed. - Yes, well unfortunately, most of them were
just way over my head. But there was this one guy, Howell Raines. I forget what paper. - The editorial page editor
of the New York Times. - Well, whatever. Now, he wrote about a subject
that I know somethin' about. And I believe I could beat
the hell outta his article! - You mean his Pulitzer
Prize-winning piece on race relations? - Yeah, that's the one. You mean he won a Pulitzer
Prize just for that one thing? - Yes, he did. I mean it's not
like Miss America where you also have to
look good in a swimsuit. - Well I just can't believe it. I mean that just goes to show all you have to do is say
your from the New South and move to New York City and write about your
relationship with your mammy and then everybody
goes gaga over it. Maybe I should write
about my mammy. - You had a mammy? - Oh, yeah, in a
matter of speakin'. My maid, Sapphire Jones, has been takin' care of
me since I was a teenager. And you wanna talk
about race relations? We are very, very close. Kinda like that couple
in Driving Miss Daisy. - You know, that
won a Pulitzer, too. Maybe you are onto
something here. - I'm telling you, Natty,
I can beat this article. I mean it wasn't even
a very good story. This poor woman devoted
herself to Master Howell. Then, when she couldn't
afford to go to college, the family didn't even
offer to help her out. - Well, that's called
irony, Suzanne. That's what good
writing is made of. Anyway, I read it and I
thought it was very touching. - Oh, you people are
so easily conned. What's so touching about
giving your maid the shaft? - So what's your point? - My point is, Natty, if people went crazy over
that Howell Raines story, you just wait'll they read mine. I mean this is one
sucker I can write! And then people in this town are gonna have to give
me some new respect! - Yeah, what is it, Malone? - Well, I'm worried about Sissy. She hasn't come in yet and she came by my
house last night and she just stayed and stayed. And if my sons hadn't shot her in the butt with an air rifle, I believe she would
have spent the night. - Emerson, what
are you doing here? We thought you
hadn't come in yet. - Oh! Goodness no, I've
been here for hours. Getting caught up on all that constituent mail and... - I'm so glad you're okay! Your apartment manager called and said that you're not
getting your deposit back because of a mattress fire. - Oh, it's nothing, who cares? I always hated that
old deposit anyway! Ha! - Also, an Ann Gilroy. She said she'll be
in town next week and plans to stop by. - No, not now! How did she find me here? - Who is she? - Oh, she's this woman that
told everyone at the Post that I was drinking even
before I was drinking. I just hate people who can
predict your shortcomings. Anyway, now she's
covering South America. Probably the only reason
she's stopping by here is because she smells that
things aren't going well for me. She's got a nose like
a pig hunting truffles. - Emerson, I want to know what's
going on with you. Are you drinking again? - No, Natty, I'm
not drinking again. If I were drinking,
I'd be in a good mood. If you must know, I've... been evicted. - Evicted? What on earth for? - Well, for not paying the rent. Seems I got this job just a
little late to save my credit. But you know, in a way
it's kind of freeing. At least I don't have to listen to any more sales clerks say, "Yes, "I'm holding it in my hand. "Yes, I'm cutting
it up right now." - Wait a minute, Emerson,
I don't understand this. Where are you staying now? - Well, sometimes here. Sometimes at a shelter. A couple times in my car. I certainly can't
ask my friends. It would just be
too embarrassing. - You mean because
of being evicted and losing your job at the Post? - No, I mean because
of working here. - Well, you're welcome to
stay with me and the boys. I could use the help. Ever since Jerry paid to have his girlfriend's
silicone breast
implants removed, I've hardly had money
for the babysitter. - Well, we really are
an eclectic little
group, aren't we? - Well, thanks, Malone, but I'm really not very
good at kid-sitting. Especially kids with
assault weapons. - Okay, that's it! You're gonna be staying with me and I don't wanna hear
any more about it. - Now that's an excellent idea. That way you two will
have a lot of extra time to work on that
article together. - Well, thanks, Natty. What is the article about again? - Oh, well it doesn't
really have a title yet. For right now, you can
just think of it as Driving Miss Suzanne. (piano interstitial) - This cake is just wonderful! What kind is it again? - Jam. - Really? What's in it? - Jam. - So when you say
jam, you mean like... - Jam. - Oh. I guess I better get back
to writing this article. Anyway, I couldn't
eat another bite. You know, Miss Jones, that was the best dinner
I've had since I was born. - Thank you, Sissy, I'm
glad you enjoyed it. - Oh, those dumplings
and those homemade rolls. They were just incredible! I just don't understand why everybody around
here isn't dead. Now what kind of
a sheet is that? - It's for little Desiree's bed. Which is shaped like a cloud. - Sorry. I was reading Desiree
a little bedtime story. Oh, now Sapphire, remind me. Later on, I'm gonna put a
quarter under her pillow. - Did she lose a tooth? - Oh, no. I just like to leave little
surprises around for her. - You're kidding, you
mean just for no reason? - Well, there's a reason. I love her. Okay, then. Let's just dive in and kick
the heck out of this article. Now, Sapphire! I know you do not like to
participate in things like this, but if I'm to serve
my constituents well, then I have to command
some respect in this town. And this article is
one sure way to get it. So it's very, very important. - Those are my
glasses, aren't they? - I need 'em for readin'. - I tell you, this child carries
off everything I have. - Alright, now let's just... Let's just dive right in and
talk about our relationship. What it's meant to
you over the years. - Well, it's been
good, steady work. - No, I mean our friendship. - Friendship?
(chuckles) Since when were we friends? - Well I certainly love you. Don't you love me? - Well of course I do. But I don't think
of you as my friend. - Oh, all right, call
it whatever you like. - I think the term
you're looking for is interracial bond. - That's it, interracial bond. That's what we have, Sapphire. An interracial bond! So now we just have to
explore that more, you know? - Miss Jones, I think what Suzanne is
looking for here is how the affection and loyalty you
two have felt for one another has eclipsed the racial
tensions of society through the years. Would you say that's
an accurate statement? - No. - Sapphire, I
cannot believe this! Now you know good and well, if you wanted to go to college, I'd be the first
person to send you. - Now what are
you talkin' about? I am 63 years old and I do
not want to go to college. I'd like to go to Las
Vegas to hear Lou Rawls. - Well that'd be real
touchin' to my readers, you goin' to Las Vegas
to hear Lou Rawls. - Just who are your readers? - The readers of this article! Now it's gotta be poignant,
Saphhire, and have irony. - I don't know
anything about irony. I know ironin'. (piano interstitial) (piano interstitial) - Can you believe that
Suzanne has over 50 tiaras? And she's traveled
all over the world. I mean there's even
a picture of her with Ferdinand Marcos when she
was Miss Industrial Rubber. - I didn't know that. - Don't even get me
started on the food. Last night we had this
incredible jambalaya with corn bread that
would make you weep and it was wonderful. - Gosh, I'd like to
live there myself. That Sapphire sounds like
a black Martha Stewart. Which reminds me, have you guys seen her
on TV retiling her pool with those little tiny
bits of credit cards? - I bet those are my
credit cards she's using. - What I'd like
to know, Emerson, is how is that article coming? - Well, it's coming
very slowly, Natty. In fact, I'm afraid it's gonna
take another couple of weeks. - You look wonderful. Doesn't she look
wonderful, Natalie? - Yes, she does. And that's what really
counts, isn't it? I mean, who cares
about the article? The makeover's going great! - Your hair just seems
so much fluffier. - Well, thanks. Suzanne's been backcombing
it every morning. To tell you the truth, I think she kind of
thinks of me as her doll. But I like staying
there so much that I don't even care. I mean everyone is just so nice. I guess it's that
Southern thing. You know, Suzanne's brother Jim, he just loves to polish shoes, so every morning, there are my shoes newly
polished right beside the bed. Name someone who has done that
for you since your mother. And they're
constantly asking you if they could get you anything. Biscuits, blankets. A pecan log from Stuckey's! - Well that's
wonderful, Emerson. We're all so thrilled
that you found happiness on Waltons Mountain. In the meantime,
may I remind you that this article is crucial. I suggest you remember
what you are there for. - That's right, Natty, I know
what my responsibilities are. - Well... It seems like
you're losing sight of the ball a little bit here. - Trust me when I tell you, I am right on top of it. Oh, man. This cherry cobbler
is just delicious! If I keep eating like this, they're gonna have to use a
crane to get me outta here. I don't know what's
the matter with me. I'm just out of control! - Mama. (whispering) - Oh, alright, you can read it, but then you have
to go to bed, okay? - Okay.
- Alright. Desiree wrote you a little poem. - My goodness. I'm honored. - My mom has a friend. Her name is Sissy. She is very nice and not too prissy. A beautiful princess
who sleeps in her car. Because she dreams of going far. - Oh, well, that's just a
wonderful poem, Desi. Thank you.
- You're welcome. - Okay, honey. Now you go on upstairs. (kiss) And you get into bed. And I'll be up in a
minute to tuck you in. - Goodnight, jelly bean. - I'm sorry, that made you sad. - No, I'm crying because
she's a better writer than me. Come on, let's get back
to writing an article. - Okay, good idea. Sapphire, you remember that
Statue of Liberty centennial thing we went to? How we stood there together. The fireworks
reflecting in our faces and we thought about freedom. - No. - Incidentally, Miss Jones, I would like to reiterate that I know how ridiculous
I look in this gown and tiara. But Suzanne insisted
that I try them on. (chuckles) - You don't have to
explain to me, honey. She had me vacuuming
in heels 'til I was 50. (doorbell chimes) - It's just after nine
o'clock, who could that be? Who is it? - [Ann] It's Ann Gilroy. I'm a friend of Sissy's. - I can't believe this! I forgot that she was coming. Malone must have given
her this address! - Who is she? The woman who is always
putting me down, remember? - [Ann] Emerson? Is that you? - Well. She's heard you now. We're gonna have to let her in. Alright, don't worry. - Oh!
- Follow my cue. - Hell, for a minute there, I thought you were gonna try
and sneak out the back door! (chuckles) - Don't be ridiculous. Ann! Oh, how are you? - I'm fantastic, as always. Let me guess. You just got home from the
big picnic at Twelve Oaks. - Oh, dear! Oh, no. This is just, uh... - We were just talking about
Sissy's old debutant days and I made her see if she
could still get into her gown. - I'm Sissy's house
guest, Suzanne Sugarbaker. - I've heard a lot about you. But the lady at your office
said this was your house? - Oh, good grief. She what happens
when you hire a temp? No, no, I'm sort of
relocating myself, and Sissy was gracious enough
to let me stay with her. And this is her
housekeeper, Sapphire Jones. - How do you do?
- Hello. - Well, aren't you gonna
invite your friend to sit down? - Oh! Yes, of course. Won't you come in and sit down? This is my living room. - Emerson. I have to say, I'm just
a little surprised. I heard you were on the skids. - Vicious, ugly rumors! Why, we don't even dignify
that with a response, do we, Miss Jones? - Well I know I've
got nothin' to say. - And of course, Sissy was lucky enough to get
that huge advance on her book. - I didn't know you
were writing a book. How exciting! What about? - Well, it's a... Sort of a cookbook. Actually, I'm doing
it with Miss Jones. - Oh, you mean like
Oprah and her chef? - That's right. It's called Sapphire and Sissy. It's got everything. Race relations, irony. More homemade coffee cake, Ann? - No, thanks, I couldn't
hold another bite. Oh, good news. You know that Dick Sorbet? The guy with some
kind of liver disease. One rung above me at the Post? - Yeah? - He died. - Wow. That is good news.
- Yeah! So now that position
is available and it looks like
they want me back. Well, I better be going. Nice to see you sober, Emerson. You know how I always
worried about you. - Yes, I know you did, Ann. And I hope someday to
find a way to repay you. - There's just one thing
I don't understand. You say you were a debutant, but I thought your
father was a mailman. - He was. But you see, he rose
up through the ranks and was eventually able
to buy the post office. Right? - No. Actually, my mother was a
Webber, of Paine Webber. - That's right. I always get that part mixed up. Well, thank you so much
for stopping by, Ann. You know I feel like
since I've been here, I've just put a crimp
in Sissy's social life. That's why there's
only been, what, two or three men
stop by tonight. Wasn't that right, Miss Jones? - Four. - Oh, that's right. I forgot about
that Bob Carey, oh! Isn't he a doll? I don't know why Sissy
keeps turning him down. - Well, I am kinda
thinkin' about it. - Emerson, I can't
wait to read your book. Now when does it come out again? - June.
- May. - I tell you what, you send me your address and I'll send you a copy autographed down there
in South America. What the heck, I'll even
throw in a free bookmark! - Goodbye!
- Bye, Ann! - Hasta la vista, baby! - And you said you
didn't learn Spanish. (piano interstitial) - "It would be quite impossible "to ever repay her
with money or gifts, "and that is why I
decided to tell the world "about this unsung woman "who has enriched my
life immeasurably." - Oh my gosh, I
can't believe it! The Post printed my
article on Sapphire? - No, I'm sorry, Suzanne,
they turned that down. - Well then what's that? - An op-ed piece Sissy
wrote about being homeless. - You're kiddin'! When'd you have time to do that? - Oh, at night. Under the blanket. It's nothing, really,
don't even read it. - Go on, finish. - "When none of my parts
looked salvageable, "she put me back together again. "She calls it a makeover. "I call it a miracle. "She was bored by college, "but for some reason
found me interesting. "I'd almost forgotten what
it's like to feel interesting. "To be around people who are
kind just for the sake of it. "Who are anxious
to be your friend, "not in the best of
times, but in the worst. "When I was growing up, "my mother drank and my
father worked two jobs. "Maybe I never knew
what a real home was. "Maybe I still don't
but thanks to my friend, "I do know a place "where the children are
sweeter than jam cake, "where people sleep
on clouds at night, "wake up with quarters
under their pillows, "and get their shoes
polished for free. "And that, for now, is
close enough for me." - Well, what do
you know, Emerson. You really are a writer. - Yeah. It's kind of funny, isn't it? Here I was supposed to
teach you something and I'm the one who ends
up with the lesson. - You hear that, ladies? Now that's irony! (piano interstitial) ♪ You'll never find ♪ (applause) ♪ As long as you live ♪ ♪ Someone who loves you ♪ ♪ Tender like I do ♪ ♪ And you'll never find ♪ ♪ No matter where you search ♪
