Wild Wild West - Awfully Good Movies

I want you to hit me as hard as you can 1960 director John Sturges took the Akira Kurosawa Classic Seven Samurai and made it into one of the greatest westerns of all time the Magnificent Seven now this remake is getting remade as the Magnificent Seven rides again this weekend with director Antoine Fuqua and his training day stars Denzel Washington and Ethan Hawke now whether or not it'll be become as beloved as his predecessors remains to be seen because even though westerns were some of the biggest films back in the days of old Hollywood they've also ended up becoming some of the biggest flops in the days of new Hollywood case in point the 1999 six shooting [ __ ] pile known as wild wild west now here's a movie where everything was working in its favor it was based off the hit 60s TV show about secret agents kicking ass and solving mysteries in the Old West it reteamed director barry seinfeld with star Will Smith after their enormous success with men in black its theme song was the number one hit and it had its own burger at Burger King the delicious Western whopper now how the hell could this go wrong well how about scathing reviews millions of dollars lost at the box office and winning the Razzie award for worst picture as accepted by original wild wild west star Robert Conrad who Will Smith personally apologized to for making this movie after it almost sunk his career for good so now I'm gonna find out whether this infamous mega bomb is one a dead or alive and don't you worry well spent I am going to be completely fair towards your performance in this review the truth Oh trust me I totally will the truth look I just said I would tell the truth God geez so like the original TV show this flick is set in the south of 1869 as it falls our protagonist Captain James West played by Will Smith and US Marshal Artemus Gordon played by Kevin Kline whose past cross when they find out they're hunting down the same man under the orders of President ulysses s grant also played by Kevin Kline or the sake of a running joke where Artemus keeps disguising himself as the president actually it's not a joke because it's not [ __ ] funny the man they're hunting down is Confederate General bloodbath McGrath played by Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs who's committing treason by assisting the villainous dr. loveless who's been changed for dwarf like he was on the show to a legless Confederate scientist riding in a steam-powered wheelchair played by Kenneth Branagh who is now getting revenge for his lost legs with the help of his harem of sexy female SS wait a minute is that Sindel from Mortal Kombat annihilation she managed to find work after two bad you will die huh good for her and his loveless plans to kidnap President Grant and have him surrender the United States to loveless and his group of evil foreign dignitaries Weston Gordon reluctantly agreed to work together to foil his evil plans with the help of a kindly saloon dancer played by Salma Hayek and Artemis is seemingly endless supply of nifty gadgets a button that you're not supposed to push which activates a secret weapon that seems slightly familiar don't ever ever touch the red bow yes as much as Barry Seinfeld and Will Smith try to recreate that man in black magic they missed the mark considerably and end up with a movie that represents the very worst inexpensive action blockbusters on one hand you think all these steampunk gadgets would be cool but yet they managed to take all the cool out of them because they literally pull gadgets out of their ass just to move this platform how can Weston Gordon get captured by dr. Lovelace why have selma hayek accidentally set off a sleeping gas bomb how can Weston Gordon catch back up to dr. Lovelace why by building the world's first [ __ ] airplane decades before the Wright brothers will of course how will Lovelace manage to kidnap the president why by riding around in a giant robot spider and why the hell is there a giant robot spider in a [ __ ] Western because the producer of this flick John Peters wanted to keep it from that cancelled Superman movie he was gonna do with Nicolas Cage and Tim Burton according to that Superman movies writer Kevin Smith some things I want you to do and don't in the script he's got to fight a giant spider in the third act you think this would all be forgiven if Will Smith and Kevin Kline shared some sharp witty banter with each other but nope this movie's humor is so damn lowbrow and desperate it resorts to lame ass jokes straight from the 70s sitcom handbook touch my breasts happy Gordon I'm touching your breasts I knew it you're telling the story to your grandkids you make sure that you leave this part out because sucking dicks is the worst am i right and what a shame because it has a fairly solid cast doing the best they can Will Smith is charismatic as always Kevin Kline is dry and witty Salma Hayek does all she can with her insignificant part and Kenneth Branagh is so campy with a southern accent until and that you'd think this performance was his audition tape for becoming the next Colonel Sanders don't you just hate that song man happen for a handful of bees but all of them are let down by a lousy script to a garbage heap of a movie the characters are barely developed the jokes are awkward the plot makes no sense and the tone Huff's from the slaughter of Confederate soldiers one minute to boob fondling jokes the next minute it goes to show you you can throw all the money you want in a movie but you can't make that money write you a good script I no need to worry though Will Smith and Barry Seinfeld's careers ended up surviving this [ __ ] sandwich will is back doing hit summer blockbusters well Barry Sonnenfeld has moved on to do with yeah no I take that back maybe not everyone made it out of this movie alive I'm a cat dang this movie is so bad it calls for and the words of Kevin Kline himself more scotch so hits your horse and Billy up to the bar for the awfully good drinking game take a shot or drink every time Bill Smith cracks another bad one liner you can't just go ramming a man's personal things into some hole like that that's it no more mr. nice guy Oh Big Willie he always makes me laugh hey you remember what he did that Miss Cleo impression a concussion that [ __ ] was hilarious they want to pretend that his disease does not exist and they want to bury me call me now for your free tarot reading Will Smith is called something racist or slavery is brought up we got us shine new comes my manservant oh I haven't seen him in a Coon's Hey after the movie come on down to Burger King and get yourself some limited-edition wild wild west sunglasses because slavery is fun kevin kline pulls out another invention or disguise man these disguises are so convincing you can't even tell it's an Academy Award winning actor horse to do a movie where he shoots a handicapped man in his robot spider legs disappointed and take a double shot when you see dr. Lovelace giant Robo dildo wouldn't you think that I could've please tell me they didn't use that as one of the Burger King toys and dr. Lovelace is giant Robo dildo collect a wall at Burger King and on the nudie watch I would give this movie props for showing us a bit of Salma Hayek's heavenly ass but it also has Kevin Kline and Will Smith dressing and drag and I have the Internet so this movie can still go to hell I mean if you want to make these two guys look like convincing women you could have asked ed Levine he knows a thing or two about dressing like a woman [Music] on the enjoyable Ness continuum scale from Boulder Bruce Wild Wild West is a vile vile mess that rides into the sunset with a three out of ten as awful as this movie is hey at least Eric Cartman liked it I'm Jessie Schafer Joe Blow calm and did you know that much like wild wild west the Magnificent Seven also has a walker at Burger King it's the Magnificent Seven whopper seven patties of flame broiled beef topped with Uncle Dan sales secret sauce the taste is magnificent [Music]

Channel: JoBlo Originals

Views: 74,980

Keywords: Wild Wild West, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Barry Sonnenfeld, Awfully Good Movies, Western, western movies, movie reviews, joblo, joblo videos, joblo movie trailers, funny, funny videos, movies, 1999

Id: zngV3LD4ITo

Length: 8min 56sec (536 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 06 2017