Wild New Trump Tell-All, Herschel Walker’s Abortion Scandal & Jimmy Talks to Scared Squirrel Guy

[Music] want to settle down because it was uh it was a very big day for those of us who follow the adventures of this ridiculous person known as Donald Trump today the bigly anticipated new book about him confidence man written by Maggie Haberman and the New York Times came out and if you thought there wasn't any more all to tell you or incorrect there is so much stuff uh starting with this is when he was five Donald Trump uh a five-year-old Donald Trump threw rocks at a baby named Dennis foreign basically the same thing he did to Mike Pence many years later I'll just go through these because there are so many nuggets it's like a 300 piece family value meal I will start with uh Donald Trump believes gay people love him in 2017 there's a meeting in the Oval Office he asked the hedge fund manager guy named Paul singer he said are you gay and Paul singer said no but my son is and Trump followed up by telling the guy the gays love me and uh after the gays love you almost as much as they love being referred to as the gays you know when kovitz started they say Trump the reason he tried to downplay it is because he thought it was making him look bad covet and then he went in the bathroom and spray painted his whole face orange that's you know years ago uh according to the book years ago he was on a plane with Jeffrey Epstein's gal pal Jesus this is Lane Maxwell he put on the movie Bloodsport starring John Claude Van Damme they had a movie player and he had his then 13 year old son Eric fast forward through the dialogue to get to the fight scenes in Bloodsport surprising part of that story is he let Eric on the plane but um you know when Joe Biden beat him Trump told Rudy Giuliani to quote do anything you have to do to get the election overturned and Rudy went right out and held a press conference outside a dildo store which is Trump was interviewed who was interviewed for this book multiple times told Maggie Haberman that he wasn't watching TV on January 6 during the riots which is the opposite of what everyone who worked there said he wasn't watching TV he was watching eight TV he was like there aren't enough TVs bringing more television so I could take in his Trump often made fun of his son-in-law Jared Kushner so we have that in common I guess you know um once Ivanka wanted to go camping and Trump said can you imagine Jared and his skinny ass camping it'd be like something out of Deliverance and then he made then he made banjo noises which I guess is more dignified than if he started squealing like a pig but I don't know we also learned that remember when Trump was going to hold his brilliant plan he had to host the Taliban at Camp David and then he didn't go through well the book says that when they're planning the visit he was worried Ivanka would have to wear a burqa in the presence of the Taliban which bothered him inviting the people who helped Osama Bin Laden that's one thing but nobody puts Ivanka in a burqa the only burka Donald Trump wants to be around comes with a side of french fries okay Trump was very focused on how the people who worked for him looked the book said he was singularly interested in their appearance which I guess that policy didn't apply to Don Jr and that Nesta loose pubic hair he has glued to his shin but he once complained that Elaine Duke who from his Department of Homeland Security looked like a housewife and he didn't like that but the men at the Trump White House only the best looking got men like Steve Bannon Roger Stone Rudy Giuliani I mean if you think they were contestants on love Island if he didn't know better what a book this is I have to admit I find it very entertaining he's not boring he's not like Joe Biden sucking on a roll of Neko Wafers going to bed at eight o'clock there are he does like 10 crazy things a day and of course Trump's calling it all the whole book's a lie as he always does and his supplicants are doing everything they can to change the subject so Trump gets off the stage the other night after another incredible rally thousands of people and someone wanted him to sign a hat they threw the Hat up on the stage he catches that but then they threw the Sharpie nailed it one-handed crushes it [Music] Joe Biden can't bring a bicycle to a stop but Trump can sit there after speaking to people catch Sharpies out of the air the only thing Joe Biden can catch is covet good hands dad proud of you also Dad if you could come pick me up I've been in this field for two weeks I I just I don't know how to get home wow meanwhile Trump's former Celebrity Apprentice down in Georgia had a very bad day Herschel Walker who's running for Senate in Georgia calling himself a man of God Mr pro-life Mr Family Values has been accused of paying for a former Lover's abortion a woman claims he paid for her abortion in 2009 and this wasn't just a random claim she had a check he wrote her for 700 and a get well card to prove it so of course Herschel did what people in his position do when something like this happens he ran straight to Sean Hannity to deny deny deny the woman has a receipt for an abortion they're claiming that five days later on September 17th you sent a 700 check and that you sent it in a get well card is that your signature uh I haven't seen it uh but you know I can tell you uh I sent out so many get well uh send out so much of anything come on Sean you can't expect me to keep track of all the abortion cards I've I've sent out I like how he says he hasn't seen it while it is on the screen right next to him imagine being so stupid you write a check for an abortion you want to keep secret and that card if you're wondering where you can even get a card like that you can find them right next to the dads and grad section at CVS so then hers then he claims it's all a lie designed to take the voters Focus off inflation he blames the Democrats the media the Tooth Fairy he talks about his family values he does the whole routine until one of his sons kid named Christian Walker decides he's had about enough of this I stayed silent as the atrocities committed against my mom were downplayed I stayed silent when it came out that my father hers to walk around all these random kids across the country none of whom he raised and you know my favorite issue to talk about is Father absence surprise because it affected me that's why I talk about it all the time because it affected me family values people he has four kids four different women wasn't in the house raising one of them he was out having sex with other women do you care about family values Erica Don Jr like holy crap you can do that you have no idea what me and my mom have survived we could have ended this on day one we haven't I haven't told any stories I'm just saying don't lie don't lie on my mom don't lie on me don't lie on the lives you've destroyed and act like you're some moral Family Man y'all should care about that conservatives wow that's personal hersel's like oops I should have aborted that one too it's gonna be a fun Thanksgiving at the Walker house is all right this is fun this is nothing to do with politics what you're about to see is a man on a zoom meeting he was in his office at home taking care of business when he was interrupted rudely and suddenly by Nature and I think for the purposes of you know Town Hall what um [Applause] thank you [Applause] that is one of the best Clips I've ever seen him I I don't know if there someone was throwing the squirrel at him but I want to know so we tracked the guy down his name's James Reich he lives in Pittsburgh and he's joining us now too so hi James hey Jimmy how are you thanks for joining us now are you in the office where this happened I'm right here in the scene of the crime that's right Jimmy oh thank God they didn't get at your gumballs you know amen well you know I I don't know I actually need to refill them I recognize that today maybe he did I know we don't know about it yet so tell us what happened though uh the whole thing I want to hear all of it you got it so it's it's actually a great story I mean the night before I couldn't have been in any better place I was at the hospital with my my mother-in-law and uh she just had a fall and it was this horrible thing and so I relieved my wife she goes home and you know I thought I was a good husband I was gonna have a nice easy night and I come back uh come back on my way home and I get a call from My Wife and she says oh my God something got in your office something what got in my office and she went in and put a piece of mail turns out um we realized there's a nanny cam I'd go on look turns out there was a rodent of some kind that got in the office so I tell her okay well we need Animal Control we got to get animal control so fortunately enough I by the time I got home we had a great guy his name was Todd from uh local leopard State player animal control and he came in he cleared the area we were up till 3 A.M cleaning sanitizing everything we realized it was a squirrel but with every confidence in the world he said to me hey the flu was open you know the flu was open in my in my fireplace and um the squirrel had to find its way in got in somehow and it was only probably trying to get out a lot of things things worked out the squirrel found its way back up the chimney according to Todd okay and next thing you know next next thing we know next thing we know and and I was clear I was had every confidence next thing you know the next day conducting business in my office per per usual and starting to hear noises and then you realize never trust a guy named Todd boy you know that actually brings back flashbacks I think there might be something there I need to think about that so then the squirrel uh comes in you grab the baseball bat we heard you scream for Julie who is Julie yeah squirrel totally let loose look Julie is our Fierce Nanny she's amazing as it turns out she wasn't even home she wasn't even at home now let me ask you do you have children or is Julie there to take care of you it's probably a combination job and uh you know she's already asked for hazard pay so yeah we've got three great boys so then uh you kept this is captured on the The Nanny camera or whatever and just when you started to feel safe it happened again [Music] ghost foreign [Music] [Applause] yeah you know I actually left I was heading out to the West Coast I left the next morning and my wife for the first time ever got a Tic Tac account put the video and you know the rest is kind of History because I'm here with you tonight and now the clip has millions of views has anyone recognize you go like hey are you the squirrel guy oh my gosh I was so I was out for almost a week on the west coast and I was on American Airlines flight back east and I woke up literally to my my scream and uh laughter in the galley the flight attendants would turn on the light validating that it was actually me sitting there in the front row uh did they bring you a little packet of acorns or anything like that yeah no nuts it was the red eye so well now what are you gonna do are you planning to move out of your house or just burn it to the ground or what are you going to do if both those options were considered but fortunately [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] I'm so sorry wow I don't think I don't think you need to apologize we're gonna have fun with this one now oh all right James it's like real James I suggest psychiatry you know when those squirrels smell fear there's no telling what they might do so clearly that was good props props I mean that was amazing that was amazing all right well thank you James you're a great Sport and we appreciate your you uh checking in with us but be careful all right we got a good show every night we flew two guys three thousand miles to go put a squirrel on that man's head hold on [Applause]

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,688,978

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, West Coast, LA, Donald Trump, Trump, Tell All Book, Confidence Man, Maggie Haberman, New York Times, Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, DJTJ, Herschel Walker, Georgia, Sean Hannity, Politics, Squirrel Guy, Squirrels, January 6th

Id: uMFnMZaxCfs

Length: 13min 43sec (823 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 05 2022