Why you SHOULD NEVER call narcissists out

hi everyone its dr. Romani to all of you thank you thank you so much for subscribing to this channel please hit the bell you screwed subscriber - we got two videos coming out a week now so lots of good nurses and related content so let's answer a big question I've gotten from a lot of you while watching I've gotten this from a lot of other people - why can't you call a narcissist out on their BS mm-hmm you can't that's the short answer so why why can't you call them out I cannot tell you how many emails I get a day from people who say will you please meet my husband wife brother sister mother father and tell them they're a narcissist the answer to that by the way is no um can I show them dr. Robin can I show them all your videos won't they then get it no so no you cannot call them out now you can I'm not gonna stop you well let's talk about what happens if you do because my hope my goal in having this YouTube channel in creating content into writing books and working with clients and speaking about this I got one goal and that is to protect people from the narcissist in their lives we aren't gonna get rid of them okay we are not gonna get rid of them it's like putting on bug spray we're not gonna get rid of mosquitoes I'm trying to figure out a way to keep them from biting okay so this and and this is equivalent of a bug repellent why I don't want you to call them out okay you're welcome to and some people say doc I gotta call them at once I don't care what happens I'm just gonna look at them and say you son of a [ __ ] you are a narcissist here's what's gonna happen they're gonna look at you they're gonna turn it around they're gonna say really really because I would actually say you're the narcissist and then they'll go on a 20-minute tirade about how you're the narcissist and they'll Gaslight you and they'll manipulate you and I'll throw in some insult so by the time they're done with you and do that number on you you are going to think you're the narcissist is that really worth it you can't call them out because newsflash they're not listening to you they never have listened to you so why all of a sudden when you want to share the big reveal that hey hey hey you're a narcissist why do you think that on that day they're gonna say ah no I take you seriously so I'm gonna listen they're not going to least of all least of all when you're giving them really uncomfortable feedback about themselves for many people and I'm grateful for this for many people they're happy they're really happy when they finally get their free merger like you don't make sense now the lack of empathy the entitlement the mind games the confusion the doubt of morality thank you for giving me one word and they watch the videos and it all makes sense but just like anything when you make a big new discovery like you find a great pizza place you want to tell everyone about it this is not one of those discovery this you want to share with that person because they ain't having it so I will tell you this now as a therapist a question comes up is have you ever told a client that their narcissistic narcissistic heck yeah I but that is after weeks it's not months of us developing a relationship and it's not like I shoulder up in therapy it's like hey [ __ ] you're a narcissist that's not what's happening and saying I'm seeing some patterns here that concern me a bit lalana I've used a lot of therapists talking there's a lack of empathy hearing that's concerning me how do you think other people feel this is consistent with narcissism I'm certainly not screwing up and calling them a narcissist to their face if I can't do that with the big guns I've got in my office I don't advise you do because if they start really uh going off on me I've got the luxury saying I know what's nice working with you and your solicitor referrals by you know I got I can you can't do that so easily so when you call a person out on being a narcissist number one you're putting yourself in harm's way and by harm's way I mean they're gonna be maybe they are but I mean more that they are going to they're gonna empty those barrels into you they are going to go completely off on you and it's going to be hurtful and uncomfortable that's number one number two they're not gonna hear you so you're a long explanation and handing them books and showing them videos and saying now I get it do you want to get it too not only they're not gonna change anything it's probably going to make things worse I get it you figured something out you want to show them and some people say you know what I want them to know I've got your number come on you guys I know some of your thinking I want them to know I get them I see it I'm gonna call them out on it and I get it it keeps you up all night right I'm so happy number I'm so gonna let them know I have their number it feels like this moment of Revelation it feels like the moment you're here to get the one thing nobody ever gets in a relationship with a narcissist and that's justice trust me it ain't gonna happen now they are not gonna hear this they're not gonna say oh yeah you figured it out yeah I'm a narcissist and now that you figured it out I'm gonna become nice I was just waiting for you I was just waiting for you to get the riddle not gonna happen and so what ends up happening is once you put the pieces together the pattern becomes clear you've read the books you've watched the videos perhaps you've talked about it in therapy save it for the places where you can learn the techniques so it doesn't bring you down any more work on techniques around how you can protect yourself so you don't defend you don't engage don't personalize maintain the realistic expectations you even protect the other people in your purview for example children other family members or coworkers once you figure this out it becomes a brilliant opportunity not only to shield yourself but other people in that in that circumstance and most importantly the best way the best way to school the narcissist it's not to tell them there were narcissists the best way to do it is to slowly but surely start pulling back the narcissistic supply it's a gradual distancing you're no longer engaging you are no longer a source of supply nor are you a source of bait initially that narcissist you know what's gonna happen they're gonna actually try to pull you back in they're frustrated you're no longer playing with them you're no longer playing their ground game that that is how you showed them that you got it you don't have to tell them you got it your lack of engagement is all the lesson you need to show them and when they go on their usual gaslighting rants or their invalidation or they're ignoring you you can smile knowingly turn to other sources of support in your world and know you figured this out and never again are you gonna be there punching bag thanks again for tuning in please subscribe more content coming your way

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 1,237,097

Keywords: dr. ramani, ramani durvasula, dr. durvasula, ramani, doctor ramani, npd, narcissist, narcissistic personality disorder, personality disorder, melanie tonia evans, kati morton, surviving narcissism, dr. craig malkin, Angie Atkinson, esther perel, shahida arabi, stephanie lyn, psych2go, medcircle, Dr. Todd Grande, Ross Rosenberg, yt:cc=on

Id: SPNf0YqM8lU

Length: 7min 44sec (464 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 23 2019