Why You Care So Much (and How to Stop)

you know what most of the suffering you go through in life stems from it stems from you caring too much you care too much about other people's opinions of you your work all the tiny inconveniences that happen to you on a day-to-day basis if you put too much emphasis on these things it can lead to a life full of unhappiness but once you dive deeper and understand why you care so much you can control your habitual response to certain situations and you can develop a mindset that lets almost nothing phase you this video is going to be divided into two parts the first part is going to go over why you care so much about the things that are having a negative impact on your mental health and in the second part of the video i'm gonna go over how i learned or unlearned i should say to care so much about these things that are having a negative impact on my life that i really should not care about so i advise you to watch the whole thing to get the entire scope of understanding as to why you care alright so let's get into part one where does our incessant caring come from it really comes from these three basic needs that every human wants and these are our need to feel in control our need for acceptance or connection and our need for consistency our need to feel in control explains our attraction to stuff like knowledge food shelter wealth these are things that we want to be able to control within our lives that's why we care so much about them when we start to feel like we're losing control to one of those things it signals something in us to you know act upon it to gain back that control this is also why we try to control other people's opinions about us by people pleasing a lot of people are big people pleasers because they don't want to feel like they can't control someone's opinion of them and even though they can't if they people please they know that they'll have a better chance to it also explains our attraction to risk taking fortune telling or novelty because these are ways for us to test or improve our control and we want to be in control because this is how we developed in an evolutionary perspective if we don't have control of our environment of the things that are around us of our thoughts then we aren't going to be able to survive the second one which might have the biggest impact on most people's mental health is our need for acceptance and connection there's very little as humans that we can achieve alone evolution has hardwired us to assume that we stand a better chance at survival if we are accepted by everybody and obviously this is completely outdated now you know we aren't fighting for our lives to survive every single day like prehistoric times we don't need that group necessarily and we all want to feel attractive and seductive to people because we want that connection and we want the chance to be able to reproduce with someone this is again our outdated mind overpowering how we really should feel i'm very certain that those guys do not give a about what people think about them and this is why so many of us have a hard time spending time alone with ourselves not only because we haven't self-actualized we haven't learned to love ourselves but also because when we spend a lot of time alone we feel like we don't really fit in with any group and also a self-actualization besides connecting with people we also want to feel connected to the world around us to what we do to who we feel we are and this is why emotions and stories and not facts and numbers resonate so deeply with us and lastly our need for consistency supports the first two the only way we know that there's breaks in consistency is if we aren't in control of something or if we aren't putting together connections with things we want our life to be consistent because then it's easily controllable because we know what's going to happen next a lot of people have anxiety when they can't predict their future it makes them care more so when something goes wrong in our lives that's different from the norm or we get a bad opinion about us we start to care more naturally this oddly explains also why we are so attracted or care more about mysterious things because they're unpredictable it makes us care about them more this happens a lot with like relationships with people if you don't know a lot about someone if they're not very upfront if they're not on social media posting all the time it gives them sort of like a mysterious vibe and we naturally care about their lives more and from a biological perspective it was in our best advantage to pay attention to inconsistencies within our environment within people this makes sure that we're paying attention to the right things that aren't predictable that could possibly cause harm to us and one more idea that i want to add to this that i think is left out a lot of the time is society's programming to get you to care about those things or emphasize those things even more you know the way that society the way that our society at least in the west is set up is to really overvalue status and your looks these above all determine your worth in modern society and that is through the media that is through the things we consume we think that these things really really matter to us more than personal fulfillment more than happiness more than finding meaningful relationships you should value status and how you look how attractive you are and when you see things in the media that put these things on a pedestal and you don't get them you don't achieve them it makes you care way more now here's what most people forget before we get into the second part of this video i just want to say one statement you can control your reaction to any situation you are presented with in your life a lot of people forget this that they have control over their mind they can take back their control and they can choose to not care about these things that they really shouldn't let have a negative effect on them but obviously that's a lot easier said than done so what do we do let's get into part two how can we stop caring understanding all of the reasons as to why we care so much about things we shouldn't care about is a good start you know it makes you become aware of these things and once you do become aware of these things you can think to yourself once you feel that you're starting to care about something that is having a negative impact on you too much you can say okay which one of these needs is producing this amount of care in me and then you can just say okay this is something that has been wired into me it's something that is a biological need it's something that i can overpower as a self-aware human as a modern human who knows how to control their reactions to situations but that doesn't exactly completely destroy all the caring about those things it just helps you cope with them better so what it really requires us to do is to adopt a new mindset to adopt a new perspective on how we view the world and not just the world i guess i would say the entire universe about what life really is this is what i have adopted and this is what i'm going to tell you guys right now now i would not call myself a nihilist because i do think there is meaning to life i think that the meaning to life is just to experience what life has to offer to get the most out of life whatever that means for you being successful doing what you love positively impacting people all while making a living off of it i think that that is the true meaning of life but something that i always come back to when i like start to realize i'm caring too much about something that i really shouldn't care about or when i'm going through a really rough patch or getting a lot of criticism i just realize how insignificant my problems are compared to the rest of the universe in the grand scheme of things the human perspective of one single human is absolutely nothing you are a single human in a single state in a single country in a single continent in a single earth or a single planet i guess i should say in a single galaxy among trillions i think trillions of galaxies once you realize that and once you take in this perspective it just dissolves all of your problems or at least almost all of your problems because you realize wow a lot of my problems a lot of the things i care about are completely insignificant they don't really matter i think a lot of us tend to forget about how short our time on earth here is compared to how long the universe has been and how long the universe will continue to be and you can compare your problems to other problems that are happening in the world that are at such a greater scale and you can realize that you have a small amount of time on this earth and that nothing is permanent the biggest thing for me is just realizing the impermanence of everything that one day everyone is going to die that one day all of your problems are going to cease to exist that one day all the memories that you've had are going to be nothing and for a lot of people this is a really depressing thought that nothing is going to matter one day but it's the most liberating thing ever once you realize this you realize that you can do anything that you want in life that if someone is criticizing you for being who you truly are who you like your authentic self like they're they're giving you for that that does not matter at all we're all gonna end up in the same place which is buried underneath the ground which really makes you think is one person really better than someone else this whole life is just one big game to get the most out of to experience the most it's not about who has the most money it's not about who has the highest status who has the most friends all that stuff doesn't matter to me anymore once i adopted this mindset and it allows me to just act according to my authentic self i'm not afraid to freaking dance in public i'll do pranks in public like i have i have tons of videos here on youtube where i'm doing pranks in public or just talking about or i'm just talking about subjects on the internet and in real life that people will criticize me for that i know that they'll criticize me for but you know what it it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things i just want to live my life the way i want it to and if i'm judged for that which you absolutely will be if you're not a people pleaser then whatever it doesn't matter anyway i have the only reason that i used to care about these things is because i would let my old biologically programmed brain control me if nothing is permanent how are you going to overvalue all of these opinions that other people have about you or you know stuff that happened that was bad or that you regret in the past or what could happen in the future the fact that the future is unpredictable it it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things anyway so just live your life how you want to live it be the person that you truly want to be and be the person that makes you the happiest this is the most powerful way to relieve yourself of the cares of your mind and of your body now if you guys enjoyed the video of this guy's if this guy's yes i'm gonna save this guys if this video helped you i'm just gonna keep that in there because whatever i don't care exactly you see if this video helped you and educated you then leave a like on it i really hope that this opened your eyes to a fresh new perspective on things and made you understand why you care so much which is super important yeah leave a like on the video really helps push this out to more people helps on my channel or don't you know maybe leave a dislike if you guys want to talk more about this subject with me leave a comment below leave your thoughts on it i love to hear your opinions and i'm happy to engage with you guys down there and it's a way for me to build more relationships with you guys thank you for watching until the end i love you guys so much and i'll see you in the next video where i do stuff that i don't care but i care about helping you yeah you

Channel: Cole Hastings

Views: 4,894,225

Keywords: cole hastings, why you care so much, why do i care so much, why do i care so much about other peoples opinions, how to stop caring, how to stop caring what people think, how to stop caring what people think about you, why you care, why do i care so much about you, why do you care so much, how to care less, how to stop caring so much, how to stop caring about what others think, stop caring what people think, stop caring what others think, andrew kirby, nathaniel drew, self help

Id: VQt0ghobmpc

Length: 12min 10sec (730 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 26 2020