The Simple Trick to Stop Caring What People Think

what's up everybody mark manson here i want to start off talking about a fantasy you know because i think we all have a very similar fantasy no no no not that kind of fantasy it's actually a very mundane and common fantasy we all have this fantasy that it's possible to not give a [ __ ] what people think about us everybody's felt this at one time or another everybody wishes that we were impervious to the opinions of those around us that we had a perfect confidence that was imperturbable to the environs that insults and haters bounced off us like [ __ ] bullets on superman's chest that we can reach this perfect mental state where our insecurities melt away and we're left with this shining hero who's gonna take over the [ __ ] world but then we open our mouths and realize what a dumbass we are and it's back to square one so i recently hosted an ama ask mark anything on my website for my site members and of course the number one question was this why do we care so much what other people think how do we stop caring so much what other people think this got upvoted like 200 [ __ ] times everybody wants to know this and so youtube land i decided to come on here and answer this publicly to answer it once and for all i've got a short answer a long answer and an answer that will probably surprise you so stick around [Music] so before i dive into how to stop caring what other people think about you i need you to like this video and subscribe to the channel why because i am a desperately insecure human being who derives all validation from external sources in fact my entire self-esteem rides on the back of arbitrary numbers that go up and down on the internet so please save a soul click the like button click the [ __ ] subscribe button alright so now that we've got that out of the way here's the short answer of why you care what other people think because you're not a psychopath okay because caring what other people think about you is what makes you a good human being can you imagine a world where like a child gets cancer and you don't [ __ ] care that your mom gets hit by a bus and you're like not my problem that would be a horrible [ __ ] world and this is what i think a lot of people who ask this question forget yes the opinions and perceptions of other people can be very stressful and cause us anxiety but they also cause pretty much everything good in life as well they lead to joy empathy compassion friendship seriously who wants to get rid of that stuff so when i hear people say how do i stop caring what other people think i kind of translate it for them what they're really asking is how do i better manage what other people think now that's a real [ __ ] question and that brings us to the long answer let's go back a couple million years humans suck we're pretty bad at almost everything in nature we're weak we're slow we're bad at climbing things our teeth aren't very sharp if you compare us to other mammals in the animal kingdom we're pretty bad at just about everything in fact the only thing that is particularly notable about humans that makes us stand out that makes us superior in any way to other creatures is our intelligence and our intelligence evolved because we are highly sociable creatures like the chameleon skin that changes color or the cheetah that's fast as [ __ ] human intelligence and the socializing that is built upon that intelligence is our evolutionary superpower it's what got us here it's what helped us survive and replicate to the point that i'm sitting here talking to a [ __ ] camera and you're listening therefore sociability is literally ingrained into our nervous system we need to interact with other humans around us to stay physically healthy to stay mentally healthy now for the vast majority of human history we evolved in small tribes groups of you know i think anywhere from 30 people up to maybe 120 people now these tribes were extremely close knit they usually consisted of one the three extended families who kind of intermingled with each other every social relationship mattered everybody was always depending on other people for their own survival so if you've got ducky mcdickface over there who keeps on wasting food and makes a bunch of noise at night when predators are about the other 29 people in the tribe get pretty [ __ ] pissed off at that guy and if they kick him out of the tribe he's dead humans cannot survive alone for very long in the wild and so as a result of that fact we are evolved to equate social rejection with death being rejected by the tribe is a threat to our safety this is why social rejection feels so utterly painful somebody refusing your invitation to the school dance is like just as traumatizing as getting in a car accident or getting a kidney transplant it's an absolutely earth-shaking experience the first time it happens so i guess my point in all this is that these feelings of social dependency of being highly concerned with what the people around you think it's a completely natural part of the human condition everybody experiences it to a certain extent and everybody has to learn how to cope with it now let's talk about what makes modern life so awesome you got the [ __ ] video games you got air travel got virtual realities coming that's all great but what's best about modern life is that you can pick your own tribe you can change tribes so if you get rejected or ostracized from one tribe you can go find a better tribe another way to think about this is that you can never stop seeking social validation you will always crave social validation but what you can change is which people you seek that validation from you can decide who are the people you want to impress who are the people worth impressing and this is the problem with most people who ask this question they've surrounded themselves by petty shitty people and because they're surrounded by petty shitty people they constantly crave validation from petty shitty people and there's nothing worse than trying to be validated by somebody who is supremely selfish instead of not caring what people think just find better people surround yourself by people that you admire people you look up to people who can teach you something who respect you for who you are so it sounds pretty simple right no problem just find some better people ah it's not that easy cue the harsh truth of the day the harsh truth of the day is that if you care too much what other people think it's probably because you don't have something more important to care about think about it let's do a thought experiment let's pretend a baby is trapped in a burning building and you're the only person that knows that that baby is there now all these people are standing around and you're like oh my god i gotta go save that baby and you start running into the building and all these people you know are like man what's mark doing that's [ __ ] crazy wow you're an idiot mark who runs into a burning building they start talking all this [ __ ] would that stop you from going into that building no you don't [ __ ] care what people on the street think there's a [ __ ] kid who's about to die you go save that [ __ ] life and when you come out you also don't care what they think you either did it or you didn't you know if you come out and they're all like oh my god mark you're such a great guy you know it's like what matters is the kid's life beyond the social validation beyond the embarrassment the approval people agreeing or disagreeing with you saving somebody's life is what matters in that moment now that's an extreme example but the same principle plays out throughout life you will stop caring what other people think about you when you have something more important to care about when you have something worth being embarrassed over when you have something worth being ridiculed for when you believe in something so intensely that it's so important that if you're willing to lose friends or the respect of your neighbors that's when you stop caring what other people think and the irony of this of course is that that is the moment that everybody starts respecting you be sure to like the video subscribe to the channel i post [ __ ] like this like almost every week every week weekly ish and uh leave in the comments what is so important in your life that you're willing to be ridiculed for it if you can't answer that easily that might be the problem till next time this is mark manson pretending to salute [Music] peace

Channel: Mark Manson

Views: 2,053,030

Keywords: mark manson, markmanson, what to do with my life, life purpose, motivation, self knowledge, self development, self improvement, self improvement motivation, self improvement tips, self improvement videos, self development motivation, self development tips, self development podcast, self development videos, life choices, life advice, markmanson.net, productivity, inspiration, negative thinking, thoughts, mindfulness, wellbeing, happiness, anxiety, therapy, stop caring, carefree

Id: NK-rIVi4nLI

Length: 8min 24sec (504 seconds)

Published: Thu May 20 2021