Why Star Wars: The Last Jedi is a Complete Cinematic Failure

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I don't know how you make a movie as bad as the last Jedi it takes one of the most beloved franchises of all time throws it in the trunk of a car and then backs it into a river I'll probably keep going to see these movies just because it's interesting to see how much money you can spend setting a dumpster on fire but I definitely have no emotional investment in this terrible fan fiction written by a gang of idiot children this movie fails on so many levels that I don't even know if I can cover all of them in one video but I'll try and real quick before any of you complain that this movie came out six months ago you just got done celebrating a Star Wars holiday so don't tell me that this isn't relevant this is a detailed analysis and I had to wait for the frickin thing to come out on blu-ray so I can actually pull the scenes and show you just how bad they are so yeah let's just get into it number one mad libs are not good storytelling now any modern Star Wars movie is gonna look good I mean they're syncing millions of Disney dollars into the special effects so the problem is not that there's not enough lasers or spaceships or explosions the problem with the last Jedi is that it's a narrative cluster with a bunch of characters whose actions only make sense if you assume that they were the type of kids who had to wear a helmet to gym class now the force awakens was really bad but at least it kind of set up for another movie that could have been good if the first movie is the stupid goofy action adventure the second movie is the chance to start really defining your characters show us that Ray has some sort of weakness or trial to overcome and that this trilogy is more than just the Mary Sue space Chronicles show us that finn is a hero and not just a vehicle for bad jokes I'll be George I'm in charge now phasma I'll bring it down and show us how our favorite characters from the old movies have changed and evolved in meaningful ways but here's the thing about trying to evolve your characters you should probably have some sort of plan and no not a super secret plan that you don't tell anyone else about see I made the mistake of assuming that JJ Abrams had some sort of spreadsheet somewhere that said look here's who this guy is here's why she has these powers here's why Luke Skywalker's rotting away on an island that's why I honestly did not believe it when they said no Rian Johnson had complete creative control to do whatever the fuck he wanted JJ wrote drafts four eight and nine then Ryan arrived and rewrote the last Jedi entirely Ryan didn't keep anything from the first draft of the episode eight script so basically JJ Abrams invented all these characters and set up all these plot threads and then told Bryan Johnson I don't care do whatever you want they basically played Star Wars mad libs give me the name of a character Snoke all right now give me some adjectives pointless irrelevant insignificant I'm sorry man but if you're gonna write an epic story that unfolds over three movies you need to plan out an arc where are these characters going to begin where are they going to go to and where will they end up for instance and the force awakens Finn's character arc starts the moment he rejects the first order specifically represented in the story by the character of Captain phasma I'm sorry yes phasma is the catalyst for Finn's entire character and she should be treated as more than just a random bad guy if I was planning out a proper character arc I would probably revise this scene where Finn fights a random guy with a laser stick to flesh out the character we've been selling action figures of for over a year as the first battle between Finn and phasma we would see the difference in their power levels Finn is a random grunt stormtrooper with only the most basic of training whereas Captain phasma is a battle-hardened warrior in this first battle she will completely kick his ass and he will barely escaped with his life then in the second movie we will have another battle between these two to show how thin has grown we will see that he is no longer a scared coward but has trained himself to be a formidable opponent we will see that phasma's arrogance has caused her to become complacent that she will be shocked to discover that her former underling can now battle her to a standstill then in the third movie it all comes full circle in the final battle we see that finn has reached the apex of his training he has become a masterful warrior maybe he has force powers whatever whereas phasma's hate caused her to grow stagnant and weak Finn's virtue is what gave him the strength to fulfill his destiny he will defeat phasma on the battlefield showing that good triumphs over evil and completing his hero's journey but instead because we have no plan for either character this is the arc first movie Finn froze phasma in a trash compactor would we do with a trash compactor second movie fin hits phasma upside the head with a lightsaber and maybe she dies I don't know third movie she's maybe gonna come back and if she does come back I can only assume that finn is gonna whoop her ass a third time then Ryder around the Deathstar like a horse this lack of planning is without a doubt the biggest problem with the new Star Wars trilogy however some idiots are saying it's actually good because it subverts our expectations so yeah after this movie came out a bunch of people who thought they were much smarter than they actually are wrote a bunch of articles about how the movie is good because it subverts our expectations which is a stupid way of saying it's unpredictable mother if you really wanted to you could make a Star Wars movie that ends with Jar Jar Binks hanging off on Han Solo's grave just because the movie is unpredictable doesn't make it good when your movie is constantly throwing curveballs at the audience it becomes a disorienting mess let's count them out one in a highly dramatic moment ray finds Luke and gives him his lightsaber but gotcha Luke doesn't give a shit and shucks it off a cliff number two a TIE fighter destroys Leia ship leaving her to die in space but gotcha she has floaty force powers so she doesn't die number three Finn and Rose have to find the master code breaker no other person in the galaxy could Sibley handle disabling the hyper speed tracker but gotcha turns out this random act just happens to be capable of doing the exact same number four so they go with the Tweaker dude to shut down the hyperspace tracker but catch it it's a trap number five hold o is an incapable commander who is going to get everybody killed but gotcha she's actually got a super cool secret plan number six Snoke is an amazing and important Jedi Master Kakashi he's just a guy and now he's dead it doesn't matter number seven Rey's parents oh my god we have to find out who's rapin Oh gotcha they're just there nobody it doesn't matter number eight Finn's gonna die No gotcha number nine Luke fights kylo Ren to the death but gotcha it was a force bridgetta was a magic ghost but gotcha he dies anyway a double gotcha [Music] here's the thing Lee I am your father revealed from Empire is so great because it's completely unexpected but the last Jedi has so many plot twists that you stop being surprised by them and just start getting annoyed if you actually think it's brilliant that this movie plays out like an episode of candid camera then I'm sorry you're an idiot number three believe women this purple haired lady is holed oh who looks like she's about to hold an intersectional lecture on modern Afrocentric feminism rather than command a fleet of rebel soldiers but Leia gets knocked the fuck out so the liberal arts major is up to bat now real quick I want to make it clear that this is not an attack on diversity space is a real big place and it makes sense that it's populated by more than just weirdo aliens a bunch of white people and one black guy that being said Rian Johnson's attempt to inject feminism into Star Wars has backfired horribly and here's why now first of all this character obviously should have been Admiral Ackbar or Mon Mothma or someone the audience actually has an emotional connection to but okay we're stuck with the lesbian bookstore owner the real problem however is whole those bafflingly idiotic decision to have a special secret plan for no reason whatsoever tell us that we have a plan even when Poe threatens mutiny and takes hold Oh prisoner all she says is well okay not much I can do about that guess you're in charge now Popo no all she needs to do in that moment is say - Poe listen both let's sit on down we'll have some green milk and I will tell you about the secret plan so you stop trying to commit high treason and here's the thing what is the moral of the flawed interactions between hold oh and Poe the most obvious moral is to be subservient to authority and blindly trust your superiors now I don't know about you but that sounds like something the bad guys would say I wonder if a bunch of people just carrying out orders ever resulted in something bad oh yeah however the real moral is the ultimate exercise in jamming politically correct politics into a kids movie with all the subtle nuance of a bad guy literally named General Grievous si ho thinks he's a better leader than hold o because he's a man so he starts mansplaining look at this mansplaining such a mansplain ER but what he really should have done is trust women you know no matter what it doesn't matter what the situation even if it seems like that particular woman is about to get you and everyone you love incinerated by a million lasers just trust her she knows what's best she is living her truth hashtag me too hashtag times up in summary an assortment of differently colored people holding hands under a rainbow awesome I'm totally down with that everybody getting killed because they didn't trust women enough Jesus Christ number four hyperspace is broken alright so Star Wars is a shared universe right there's books graphic novels video games all sorts of bullshit so when you're contributing to a shared universe you have to be really careful about changing the rules of that universe because it changes it for everything with a Florian's or microscopic life-form that resides within if you tell me that spider-man is a transsexual werewolf all the spider-man now has to deal with your horrible creative decision with that in mind let's talk about how Rian Johnson has the concept of hyperspace forever hyperspace used to be a pretty simple concept your ship isn't just traveling really fast because then you would smash into planets with the force of a nuclear bomb no you enter like a different dimension and then pop out a wormhole somewhere else but ryan johnson believes that hyperspace is just going really fast so fast that a mid-sized cruiser traveling at hyperspace can apparently destroy not only the flagship of the first order but like a couple star destroyers as well what the fuck not I'll read Star Wars books but as far as I can tell hyperspace has been around for like tens of thousands of years and if you know anything about technology in the real world every time we invent something the military tries to figure out whether it can be used as a weapon so you're telling me that this purple haired lady is the first person to recognize that you can just launch a ship at hyperspace and basically kill anything if that's the case everybody should just immediately start building empty ships and then just launch the ships at each other like missiles and again this ruins the shared universe of Star Wars because any time from now on that there is a big epic space battle I'm gonna be sitting there going why don't you just hyperspace like one of your ships at the guy I mean this ships about to get blown up anyway might as well just hyperspace it at them come up with some other way that this happens if you told me that it was like a suicide run and she had to get nose to nose with the first orders battleship in order for this to work I'd be like okay at least it's like a super risky maneuver you can't just be like a mile away and go alright hyperspace button boom solved not to mention man I know it's supposed to be sad that the purple haired lady died but I don't care this character was dumb I'm glad she did one useful thing before she died number five Spinney death stick man this fight scene is terrible it's hard to follow it's messy and they didn't even take the time to nail the choreography watch this guy okay not only is there no technical reason to be spinning around in a sword fight unless you really want your opponent to see your back so they can stab you in it but okay this guy spins around and he's coming in at the death angle all he has to do is follow through on the swing and Rey will die right here Daisy Ridley is supposed to already be ducking but because she missed her cue he changes the trajectory he's like oh shit I'm gonna hit her over the head no one will notice it's so obvious he's the one closest to the camera and I get that they wanted to do it is one big shot without any cuts or close-ups but oh it's real bad you can look at the monitor while you're filming and be like this isn't gonna work we need to revise this goofy spin around missed the girl by a million miles guy is not a dynamic character number six stop trying to be Marvel this movie needed to stop making so many stupid jokes I mean come on don't take the epic climax of the last movie and turn it into a goof oh look he doesn't even want the lightsaber he threw it off a cliff that's hilarious oh man how about some your mom jokes leah has an urgent message for him about his mother hahaha here's the thing they want the movies to be fun and jokey because that's what the Marvel movies do and they're really popular but the Marvel movies do that because superheroes are already a ridiculous concept you know grown men and women wearing ridiculous costumes beating the crap out of each other first time all of us with our suits and and none of us could get over the wall occasionally you can get away with making a completely serious superhero movie but it's easier to just make a bunch of jokes and admit that the whole superhero thing is dumb but there's nothing inherently dumb about Star Wars it's just a space epic with people flying spaceships and hitting each other with laser swords the audience isn't going into it being like this is ridiculous and stupid and you need to write a bunch of jokes so they know not to take the movie too seriously I don't know I want to take Star Wars seriously I want an epic adventure like the original Star Wars movies I didn't buy a ticket to see a bunch of wacky antics do you have something a cowl or something you can put on hahaha number 7 Rose sucks I hate to shit on all the lady characters in this movie but man Rose is just terrible I'll say this whoever plays her seems like a very nice lady and someone who deserves a much better script than the one she was handed for most of the movie she's just kind of an annoying idealistic idiot who keeps dropping cartoon morals about how saving animals is good and slavery is bad there's only one business in the galaxy that'll get you this rich whoa you know real deep themes so then we get to the epic scene with the battering ram laser probably the coolest looking scene in the whole movie and Finn is about to go Randy Quaid not crazy but I mean like an independence day and smashing of the death laser sacrificing himself to save everybody I was blown away I was like wow ryan johnson has some balls it was actually the first time i felt any emotion watching any of these movies but then in the back of my head I'm like what's what's the trick there's gonna be a trick it's Ryan Johnson he keeps doing it what's the fam the dummy's lady just smashes right into a spaceship she's like what's gonna save us is love I'm like what what is this tongue and the lasers are about to kill everybody whatever is left of the resistance you have put at they're gonna died because of you because of you everyone is dead the seein isn't sentimental or cute this is a war zone I remember this is the same girl who's apt to fin with a Taser because he was about to abandon his duty to the resistance her sister gave her life in service of the resistance and now suddenly she's like you know what royalty to your comrades is irrelevant it's all about love baby as much as I hate to say it let the black guy die for all the talk I'm subverting our expectations that would have actually been a radical creative decision I would respect number eight go rewatch Empire now most Star Wars fans will tell you that Empire Strikes Back is their favorite one because it's dark and weird it doesn't have a happy ending it ends with the characters basically completely fuck Han Solo's a brick Luke's hand got cut off the worst bad guy in the whole thing turns out to be everybody's dead this is a perfect place for the second movie in your trilogy to go the heroes have reached their lowest point and must now battle their way back up it's interesting that's what I thought was happening in the last Jedi but I don't know what's going on now didn't everybody die did the entire resistance get reduced to like twelve people aboard the Millennium Falcon so why is everybody smiling and patting each other on the back all your friends are dead I know you're all excited that you inspired eight year old boys around the universe but come on this should be the shot at the end of the movie everybody watching as the Blenheim Falcon takes off and wondering if Ray's new rock moving powers are really gonna be enough to save the day the emotional tone of this ending makes absolutely no sense stop smiling stop hugging you're fucked number nine all of your heroes are dead I don't understand the point of bringing back all our favorite characters and showing us that their sad old failures who asked for this let me be very clear this character is not Luke Skywalker even Mark Hamill knows that this character is not Luke Skywalker and was trying to tell people about that until Disney told him to shut his fucking mouth who is this guy how did the most optimistic hopeful character in the galaxy turn into this that's not what a Jedi does I mean a Jedi is optimistic enjoy his as tenacity he never gives up Luke Skywalker is supposed to represent hope remember the name of that Star Wars movie a new hope that was referring to Luke hope is an emotion about optimism positivity not giving up even when it seems like all is lost not far I'm an old man and everything sucks now it would be one thing if he started off the movie like an angry old man and then slowly rediscovered hope and return to his old ways but that never happens at the end of Return of the Jedi we see the real Luke Skywalker he's hanging out with a walks having a good time with his buddies says goodbye to his two dads and Kermit the Frog or whatever that's Luke Skywalker smiling having a good time full of hope after this moment we never see the real Luke Skywalker again remember that even when Luke confronted his father who was the most evil guy ever just just pure evil he still had that hope he went listen dead I know there is good in you the Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully that's the essence of Luke's character and yet when he faces kylo Ren he basically tells him you there's no hope for you you lose you suck he taunts him as a failure he humiliates him see it's the complete opposite of what Luke Skywalker is this is the moment that he should reaffirm everything he's about say what he said to his father I know that there's good in you I have hope for you but no instead he's just a cocky arrogant ol brushes off his shoulder dies on a rock and that's it this horrible old man who was pretending to be Luke Skywalker is dead who cares number 10 to live and die and Disney here's the thing I'm not broken up that Star Wars sucks now whereas once it was the unique vision of a driven young director it is now the property of a publicly traded company mostly concerned with how many toys they can sell for sleep to activate real movie phrases which again is fine everybody loves toys I'm just not sure that obsession with generating obscene amounts of money is ever gonna lead us to another great Star Wars film the fact that they're pumping out one of these movies every year feels almost exploitative what would the last Jedi have been like if there was another year to write a decent script or take some time to really plan out the characters sadly we'll never know this is the movie we got and it's bad it's a very bad movie

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Channel: Vito

Views: 6,686,664

Rating: 4.4265265 out of 5

Keywords: star wars, everything wrong with, the last jedi, holdo, worst character, worst movie ever, ruined star wars, worst star wars movie, why the last jedi sucks, luke skywalker, the last jedi review, killed star wars, why the last jedi is bad, last jedi analysis, what's wrong with, why holdo, why the last jedi, last jedi gotcha, star wars gotcha, cinemasins, last jedi sucks

Id: 5ECwhB21Pnk

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 20min 28sec (1228 seconds)

Published: Tue May 22 2018

Reddit Comments

Finally! Someone else mentions that Holdo is basically there for RJ to teach the audience that we shouldn't question authority, that we don't deserve transparency, even when we might think our leaders are possibly corrupt, that our leaders can play by different rules than the rest of us, and we should just sit down and shut up and take orders.

It would be one thing if the movie set this up for us to ask these important questions and to make us realize that in democratic/republics, citizens get to demand more from their leaders. It would be one thing if the audience walks away disagreeing with Holdo, because the story proves her wrong. But it doesn't.

Think back to the OT. Before every battle, they would show the team meeting, where the leader - usually Leia or some other admiral - would go over the fine details of the plan and tell everyone what their role would be. Usually it would end with a nice pep talk, or words of encouragement. Rebels could leave if they chose to, as Han and Luke did, or stay and fight, and this was vitally important, because it shows that the good guys get to make a conscious choice to stay - displaying free will - and agree that the Rebel's motives are worth fighting for. Compare this to the Empire/FO. They give orders and the stormtroopers execute them. There's no questioning, there's no debate, there's no transparency. Everyone is essentially a servant. None of them have a choice.

At the beginning of TLJ, Finn tries to leave the Resistance - just moments after getting out of back surgery for fighting Kylo Ren the day before, and trying to save someone he loved, after making a conscious choice to leave the FO. In TFA, we're told Finn is a hero for making that choice. In TLJ, however, Finn is treated as a coward for making that exact same choice. Rose stops him from leaving, subjects him to violent corporeal punishment. Never once is there even an inquiry into his actions. There's no jury, no judge, not even a trial. Just Rose, who thinks she knows better, and executes her own judgement. Oddly, the movie wants us to side with Rose and view Finn as a deserter and coward. It's amazing, too, when you realize that Finn never even signed up for the Resistance. They're all very lucky he even decided to help them in TFA, in the first place, by sharing important information that they never acquired elsewhere, but never once do any of the characters in TLJ thank him. Nope, instead they punish him, scold him, and tell him he's a coward.

When you add these two new characters together, a really sick, quietly subversive, possibly harmful, twisted philosophy begins to emerge that is the antithesis of SW morality. Again it would be one thing if the movie wants us to question the morality of the Resistance and see that they are possibly no better than the FO, or that citizens in democracies and republics need to always be on guard for creeping fascism. It almost does this once, but then says 'gotcha' the Rebels are definitely good. This can only mean that RJ believes that we don't deserve the truth, or information, or plans, or hell, even orders. That we don't deserve free will, or freedom to come and go, or decide what team to fight for. It's really very twisted and nefarious, and I wonder if he was doing this purposefully, or if he didn't even realize it, or even care. I can't decide.

What's even odder, though, is that by the end of the film, the movie's lesson is that sometimes running away is actually the better choice after all. It took Poe the entire movie to realize this. But this is exactly what Finn tried to do at the beginning but was stopped, punished, and told was wrong. Again, none of the character acknowledge that Finn may have been right all along, not Rose, not Poe, and especially not Finn himself, who spends his final minutes being told he's a dummy, and given a kiss from the person who steered him wrong in the first place, took away his agency twice, and physically assaulted him.

Like Finn, the movie is trying to brainwash the audience into accepting these horrid views. Instead of a kiss, we get awesome splashy effects and lightsabers, and are told to just accept it you dummies.

👍︎︎ 46 👤︎︎ u/Ancient_Antares 📅︎︎ Jun 04 2018 🗫︎ replies

Spot on. Every moment.

👍︎︎ 9 👤︎︎ u/[deleted] 📅︎︎ Jun 04 2018 🗫︎ replies

Had this exact same gripe with all the "gotchas".

👍︎︎ 8 👤︎︎ u/WildEndeavor 📅︎︎ Jun 04 2018 🗫︎ replies