Why Learning to Enjoy Being Alone Changes Everything

for those interested consider checking out my books on topics similar to this video to the links in the description if you like this video I think you'll especially enjoy notes from the end of everything I realized recently that I'll never know what I look like all I'll ever see is a two-dimensional representation of myself reflected back at me in mirrors and photos and people but never the real thing I'm the closest anyone will ever be to me and I'll never even know what I'm really like from the outside it's not even just how I look I'll never know how I come off in general how other people perceive and think of me how I feel to be around I'll never know for sure what the sum of my qualities equals on the other side of the equation and in a lot of ways I think that's actually who I am I went on this trip to try to find myself but so far I've mostly just realized the foolishness of this I don't even know who I'm looking for at this point going somewhere to find yourself is kind of like putting your glasses on to try to find your glasses you'll never find them because you already have them on the pace of this country is much slower than what I'm used to which probably isn't great for someone who came here trying to run from everything maybe it's more accurate to say that I went on this trip to try to run or hide from everything rather than find anything at all it's like I've been in a game of hide and seek with everything and this whole time I thought I was the one looking but I've been the one hiding and everything is really good at always finding you some things you can't hide from I've mostly been going to cafes and bars people watching the pace has been good for reflection I suppose it makes people more observable I probably passed by more people in the last two months than I have in my entire life prior there's something about being in a different place where people are noticeably different from you that reminds you that people are different from you of course this sounds obvious but when you actually think about the real lives of random strangers versus just knowing that they are out there it truly makes them strange all the people I've walked by sat next to encountered they all have their own lives with their own versions of each moment each day the splip of life in the indeterminable vastness of time and their versions are all just as real and Vivid and intense and important to them as mine is to me the woman I passed by on the way into the cafe the cashier the child and the mother sitting opposite of me right now the old man standing far too close I'm as much of a vague out-of-focus background character in a scene they will forget to them as they are to me they'll never even know that they made an appearance in my little notebook written into a blurb of scattered thoughts and I'll never know if I made it into anyone else's but it won't matter it's never about anyone else anyway in truth you're the star of every story you tell even if it seems to have nothing to do with you which also means you're not really the star of anyone else's story even if it seems to be about you but someone says about something says far more about them than the thing they're talking about the world is filled with 8 billion Theaters 8 billion storytellers narrating their own story to their own audience that is themselves I wonder what things have been said about me when I'm not around I think I'm gonna stop talking poorly about anyone behind their back whom I claim to like or love moving forward that way I can at least have a false hope that they aren't about me I wonder how many of the people I've passed by in the last couple months would be the best person I've ever met if I met them how good could a friendship or relationship really fit if I could try them all on maybe that would just destroy the point it's a curse really to be human and to know that there are infinite possibilities for how life could go and that you only get to try just one most of who we become close with is just by the random odds of proximity chance met with desperation and the fear of being alone and if you're really really lucky maybe one of those people is someone you would choose to keep close if you live forever and met everyone maybe forming a couple close connections with a couple people is the best anyone can really do and maybe the more you run around searching for the exact right people and the exact right things you end up accidentally sacrificing what is good and perhaps good is more than enough eventually all loose threads unravel only tying things tightly keeps them together but in order to do so you have to commit to them being stuck in place [Music] I read a quote recently that goes something like you can make more friends in two months by being interested in people than you can in two years trying to get people to be interested in you most of my life has been spent trying to construct different versions of myself so that I appear the best I can in other people's minds but I've never spent much time trying to even understand other people's minds you can't make people like you you can only try to understand them and hope they try to do the same back connecting with people I suppose means visiting their theater to watch their film and then extending the offer back to them and trusting that they won't leave a trail of popcorn and sticky soda on the floor on their way out God knows I've left plenty of theaters messier than when I showed up but so of other people to mine people are just messy and sticky I think I'm going to just try to enjoy the screenings from now on without worrying so much about the cleanup at least until I have to [Music]

Channel: Pursuit of Wonder

Views: 397,183

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Id: YWhm62wD7OI

Length: 5min 43sec (343 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 19 2022