He who sits alone, sleeps alone, and walks
alone, who is strenuous and subdues himself alone, will find delight in the solitude of
the forest. - The Buddha. Some people avoid solitude like the plague. Others love being alone and thrive best in
solitude when they’re far away from the endless chatter of their fellow human beings. Unfortunately, in the individualistic Western
society, loneliness is one of the most common reasons for misery, like mental illness and
addiction. So I think it’s very important that people
know how to spend their time alone in a healthy way, and not seeing it as a punishment but
rather as an opportunity to grow as a person. Hence, I present you 4 healthy ways to be
alone. Being alone comes in many forms. We have extreme cases like hermits that spend
most of their lives without socializing, and we have those more moderate ‘solitude-seekers’
‘that spend time by themselves for specific reasons like meditation, reflection or achieving
certain goals. On the other hand, there are cases in which
loneliness becomes a vessel for mental and physical problems, and even death. The term ´lone wolf´ has quite a negative
charge in society, because it used to describe people whose solitude was a breeding ground
for hate that has lead to violence. So, regardless of the fact that loneliness
chosen or not; it's how we spend that time that decides the outcome. The ways I present in this video are practical
as well as philosophical, and I hope you´ll find some value in them. 1) Be your own best host. This is a practical one. When you spend time alone at home, imagine
that you are a guest in your own house. How would you treat a guest? How would you talk to a guest? When we are mean to our guests, they will
probably don't like being around us. Thus, when we are mean to ourselves, it's
not surprising that we don't like being around ourselves either. “If you're lonely when you're alone, you're
in bad company,” said French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre and I think he's absolutely
right. Now, we can apply this self-hospitality in
many ways: the way we talk to ourselves (also known as negative thinking) and also if we
cook ourselves a nice meal with the same love as we'd do for others, or if we don't allow
anything better than a nasty microwave dinner. Also, the preparation of giving ourselves
a good time in solitude means taking care of our ego extensions. that it becomes part of ourselves. Thus, taking care of ourselves means taking
care of our environment. Spending time alone in a tidy house as a better
impact on our mood, than spending time alone in a mess. Moreover, the act cleaning has a meditative
effect on the mind, so preparing ourselves for some me-time by tidying the house is already a great start. 2) Realize that we are always connected. Yeah, I know this sounds a bit contradictory. But, most people feel lonely when they are
physically alone. On a Saturday night while other people are
outside partying and drinking for example. When the dreadful fear of missing out kicks
in, this sense of being separated from all this fun, joy and pleasure can really make
people suffer. As a means to cope, people indulge themselves
in unhealthy pleasures like drinking, drugs or binge watching porn just to numb the pain
of loneliness. In a lecture, Chinese Buddhist monk and scholar
Sheng Yen told about his experience in solitude and that he didn't feel lonely at all. I quote: When I was in solitary retreat, I knew that
I was together with all sentient beings in innumerable worlds. Even though I seemed to be alone in a small,
enclosed room, actually I was in company with many ants who found their way inside, and
there were many insects around the hut who created all kinds of sounds in the evening. End quote. Loneliness is just a perception. We can perceive loneliness as something bad
and horrible, and we can perceive a certain situation as lonely even though we aren't
alone. As Stoic philosopher Epictetus stated: Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things. End quote. So, this is why some people feel lonely in groups while others feel connected when they are alone. In reality, everything in this world is connected. We are all part of one big, universe, and
we are all made from the same stuff. Here on earth, we come from the same soil,
breathe the same air, drink the same water. If we realize this, how can we possibly be
lonely? 3) Sit with it. Being around people all the time is a great
way to avoid what's actually going on in ourselves. People that need to be around others all the
time, that do spend time alone, do everything to avoid that self-confrontation, and suppress
the experience of their inner lives with short-term pleasure. This is unfortunate, because being alone is
an excellent opportunity for introspection. By going inwards we might find out what's
bothering us, what we want to change, et cetera. These are difficult things to contemplate
sometimes, but doing it can help us tremendously in the long run. Also, the practice of meditation means that
we observe our thoughts and physical sensations. This means that we can learn what's actually
happening inside us, in a way that we normally don't. If we become aware of certain anxieties, anger,
tension, tiredness, and so on, and accept them, they will eventually dissolve. Again, this can be experienced as discomfort,
but it's a much healthier way to get into a calmer state than self-medicating with drugs
or alcohol. 4) Chase your dreams. Being around people all the time can be a
lot of fun, but it also gravitates us to do as they do; like, watching the same television
shows, talking about the same subjects and having the same opinions. It's the herd mentality, which could be detrimental
to achieving your goals and dreams. Spending time away from the herd, can not
only give us new perspectives by introspection; it also creates the opportunity to actually do what we want to do regardless of what other people think. All achievements come with sacrifice. So, that’s why it makes perfect sense to
sacrifice parties, drunk nights at the bar or dinners with friends, in order to
build something for ourselves. Solitude can be a great vessel for this. When you're creating something in solitude,
you will begin to embrace your time alone, and you'll less likely develop unhealthy addictions. You simply don't have time for that. When I’m writing a script or editing a video
for this channel for example, I often find myself in a state of joy, which I could best
describe as a state in which nothing is missing; everything is there, now, in the present moment. It’s the opposite of addiction. It's highly fulfilling, and working on something
I love is enjoyable. In this state, it's quite difficult to feel
lonely. So, that´s it! Thank you for watching.
