Why do you keep attracting narcissists?

hi everyone its dr. Romani and welcome to a new series this series is about what I call narcissist magnets so what is a narcissist magnet I think why don't you subscribe to this channel it's coming up just hit that button so what is a narcissist magnet I'm sure you have a pretty decent sense of what they are I like to say that your various narcissistic magnetic pieces are the things that get you sucked in and gets you stuck in to these relationships and by that I mean these are what I consider to be the vulnerability factors a person may have that make them more vulnerable to falling into a narcissistic relationship now to be an how have sort of these mega narcissistic magnet qualities things that draw narcissist towards you this can affect the relationship you sort of choose a partner a friend a work situation these are the people that there's a bit more of a voluntary element because there's a moment where the narcissist has to come into your life and you kind of have to sign off on it and stick it out these are elements of yourself that aren't necessarily bad things they may actually be some of the best parts of yourself but these elements of you may blind you to narcissism lead you to make someone who makes a lot of excuses for their bad behavior makes it hard for you to step away and may leave you more likely to blame yourself in one of these relationships as well this series is a part of what I do talk about with people who come to my retreats and other seminars because what I found is that many people can really get angry at themselves how did I get stuck in this mess why am I in this relationship like I am a smart person I have a good job I've got good friends I'm well put to why am I in this situation where I'm behaving like a fool and people would get really angry at themselves but when we work backwards we start to realize that the reason a narcissistic individual was able to get close enough insinuate themselves into our lives and stick around and we didn't show them the door is because of these sorts of narcissistic magnet qualities we have things that made it more likely that we became almost strangely attractive to the narcissist maybe because we're going to make us a little bit more easy to manipulate or we have to take ownership it put us in a situation where we were going again be less likely to see the red flags now I tread very lightly as I go into this series I want to make one disclaimer right up the front when I talk about these sorts of magnets this is by no means meant to blame some all this is your fault for being forgiving it's not that at all these are vulnerabilities but these vulnerabilities coupled with a lack of knowledge about narcissism is why you a wise well put-together person would have ended up in a relationship where saying my judgments good in all the other areas of my life these magnet qualities are again qualities in yourself directly play out beautifully in other human relationships but get taken advantage of in this one then when you combine that being having these sort of narcissist magnet traits with a lack of knowledge about narcissism that's when you can really find yourself and getting into these really tricky spaces the goal of my youtube channel has always been to educate people and enlighten them about what these patterns are about so once they start happening you don't make excuses rationalizations and second chances you see it clearly and you make a choice that works for you or you ratchet your expectations to a realistic space so by understanding what your vulnerabilities are these so-called kind of magnetic qualities that you have that might draw you in and keep you in it's to help you cultivate those if they're the healthy pieces of yourself and also to understand if they're not the healthy parts of yourself that these are vulnerabilities and what that means is as you go through life whether it's picking an employer choosing friends are certainly doing something important like choosing a life partner that you remain mindful that you do have some of these vulnerabilities these magnets are just as much magnets things that draw narcissists to you as they are blind spots and if you can be aware of that blind spot for example if you have a real propensity to forgive people or you're very much one of those people who love to rescue people that you might have run the risk of giving too much of yourself to a toxic relationship by viewing it through a lens of exactly what are these qualities in me that might be making me potentially vulnerable to the charms and the manipulations of a narcissist you can take ownership it makes you less of a passive player in this and have you wonder like yeah I know this about myself and I really need to be eyes wide open and you're also gonna learn some interesting things like yeah it's just not just one magnet you might be holding you might have multiple magnetic types so pay attention in this series and as it goes on take note of which of these may fit you well and it may be more than one and as you figure that out I'm hoping it'll give you more of a roadmap that'll protect you the next time you find yourself with a tyrannical boss or if you're already in a relationship when one more time you're having to face down the gaslighting of your partner or if you're dating to have your eyes wide open to make sure you're not falling into these patterns of excuses and rationalizations or if you're putting up with an egocentric friends usual manipulations that you can be aware of what things about yourself have rendered you vulnerable and address those so I do hope you enjoy this series I hope it is it opened your eyes to some of the things that might be risk factors for you so that way you can really work on your ground game focus on protecting yourself but all so remember some of these magnetic traits you have you're gonna see there's some of the best parts of yourself don't hand them over to the narcissistic lowest bidder save them for the people who deserve to see those best parts of yourself again this is not a series about this is my fault because I'm a dis and that not at all this is a series about vulnerability so please view it in that spirit and I do hope you learned from it thanks and I hope you like this series

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 164,175

Keywords: yt:cc=on

Id: AAW0A9XLvXA

Length: 7min 8sec (428 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 05 2020