Where I Went When I left Polygamy

hey everyone welcome back my name is sam and i'm melissa today we're going to have a little bit of fun we're going to talk about what happened after i moved out of my childhood home yes we've had a lot of great comments asking for more specific questions about what happened you know the night after he left and how did i survive yes how do you survive in the weeks and the months following and so we just want to give a few more details in our how in his how in my video of why he did leave the flds church and polygamy and his family um he kind of goes over like a really broad generic what happened but we want to kind of get into some some specifics i guess people like details people like details so everybody likes details we want to know we want to know the nitty-gritty yeah so we'll talk a little bit more about details and exactly how that all went down for uh as long as uncover as many details as we can i guess in the short amount of time that we have so yes and if any of you continue to have more questions after this please ask them in the comments section we love questions we'd love to be able to answer them and especially ones where you're wanting more specific details and we'll either make continue to make videos on them or answer them in the comments so once again thank you for all of your questions comments and support you've all been great yeah so we're going to kind of start off with the night that you left um you know he wasn't planning on leaving but he was working with some brothers and decided you know to not go home that night was kind of how yeah right that's exactly how it went uh looking back obviously i think wow that was that was crazy you know i mean we weren't we didn't have any plans we didn't have any i guess we money either we didn't really have anything uh other than just we were 18 years old and we wanted a change in life and and we had met some people that we that had uh i guess allowed us to see a little bit more of the outside world and we wanted to explore that and learn more yeah yeah so you had originally stayed up talking to one of the daughters of a family that he had worked for construction before yes so we had spent some time i me personally not so much i had been there a couple of times we did some rock work we were remodeling their home and we were doing rock work on the outside of their home so we as we were doing this rock work we met one of their daughters and and so we started talking a little bit and actually my one of my other brothers got kicked off of the job because he was talking with her because it was a big no-no to talk to the girls uh you know so that so he anyway he got kicked off the job and was sent to another job because uh he was being bad but anyway so uh i worked there i went there a couple times and i actually had met her i met this girl once uh or twice while i was there so and we and and she had talked uh or i guess we we briefly met other members of her family uh so we were getting to know the family a little bit uh not not a lot but a little bit at that time yeah and she was the girl that you guys had stayed up talking to the night that you decided to leave yeah so the night we decided to leave let's just say that morning when we woke up my brother and i i left with i left um it was me one of my brothers my older brother is just older than me and then it was uh one of our friends that we had that we had out there in the the polygamous flds group as well he was with us we were all working together that day along with two of my other brothers so we were all working on a job that day when we finished up our job two of my brothers went home they were the good boys they went home me another one of my brothers and our friend decided that we wanted to go out with this girl and go to dinner and anyway we ended up talking for for quite some time after dinner we we sat in my brother's truck and we just sat there and talked and it was hours you know it was long past our bedtime we should have been home and and this was uh and this was just out of or this was in st george where we ate and were talking st george utah so it was a 45-10 hour drive home so we were still a ways away from home when we realized that it was i believe after midnight when we finally thought man we're going to be in big trouble you know i mean not only are we out way past our curfew i guess you could say but we are talking with a girl and uh sitting in with a girl in the same truck i mean this is this is getting really bad now right so so we're thinking how are we going to go home and explain to our parents uh what what we've been doing and uh what what's the story we're going to tell them and uh so at this point we for the first time started thinking hmm what if instead of having to explain ourselves we just don't go home see and we knew at this point we knew at this point and and this is the i guess the sad part uh we knew at this point that if we decided to leave uh the the i guess community community that we grew up in and that's why we had to make the decision of are we going to leave the community or are we going to stay with the community because if we chose to leave we were not allowed to go back and see our family and that's just the way the rules were out there and the way they looked at it is if someone moved out of that religion and started living life differently and then came back to visit the family they assumed that we would be bring back with us bad influences that would influence the family in a negative way and so they didn't want us to come back and and cause a i guess a bad impression or or tell the family about things that they didn't want the family to know about or whatever the case may be they just didn't want the influence of us going back after moving out yeah so what was the final thing that clicked where you're like okay maybe we do maybe we don't what was the final thing that made you decide you know what let's not go back because that was a huge decision yes it was uh once again i was an 18 year old boy so my logic probably wasn't the greatest i really think it was just on a whim we just decided uh some of it was fear of having to explain ourselves uh some of it was we were having a great time we had met this wonderful family uh we were spending time with uh with this wonderful girl that seemed to be a very happy wonderful person and and so we we just were realizing that there is more to life than what we had had and so we i guess we were more curious than anything and wanted to explore and understand uh what what the big wide world had to offer and so that's kind of where it all came from so what did what did the girls say when all of a sudden these three boys are like you know what we're probably just gonna like not go home when you said that like was she in shock because i honestly don't think she knew what to say i i i do think she was very shocked at first because for her i mean she knew at this point that that would mean that we weren't we would not be able to go back we would talk to her about you know kind of the rules and all that so obviously she seemed shocked and she uh but she was supportive she was she was more of a wait whoa are you serious but but if you're going to um i'm i'm here for you i'll help i'll support you i'll help you in any way i can and so actually when we did make that decision she said well uh my my uh my parents have a couple couches and you can sleep on the couches tonight if you need somewhere to stay because at this point we were just kind of back and forth oh boy i don't know what to do but i kind of want maybe we'll just move out and she said well it's it's getting really late maybe you should just sleep on our couches and that way you can decide in the morning what you want to do and uh of course at this point it's very late obviously it's uh and so our parents start trying to reach us and call us and uh being young boys and and kind of confused at that moment on what we wanted to do and really nervous about getting in trouble and disappointing our family and and all of these emotions running through our heads we decided you know what uh let's just message and we did have cell phones that was some people asked that question we did have cell phones and uh some of us knew how to uh knew how to text most of us knew how to text so we just sent a message to our parents and said uh we're fine don't worry uh but we will we'll just talk to you in the morning and yeah what parent is not gonna worry with a text like that from their 18 year old son i know look looking back i mean obviously they were they're they were terrified but more than anything i'm sure they were terrified that we were not safe thinking about moving out of that of the religion because we text them to say that we were physically okay so they wouldn't worry but then we ended up just turning our phones off because of course they wouldn't stop calling it was just call after call after call and we ended up turning our phones off because what was i going to say yeah and if and if i did answer even if i did try to say something of course it would turn into a conversation of them trying to convince us to come back the entire night and at this point it was late we wanted to get some sleep turned our phones off and went to sleep on our friend's couch so waking up the next morning though like were you having regrets were you guys still in like decision mode did you guys kind of did you wake up feeling like clarity or did you wake up feeling more confused of what you wanted to do well uh before before we go into how i was feeling let's let's talk about how our friends father uh our friend's dad was feeling when he walked down the next morning to his living room and saw three strange boys sleeping on his couches uh he he immediately saw the type of clothes we were wearing so he knew where we were from immediately and so he i think i think the first thing when he saw us was he called out for the for his daughter and because he assumed that she had something to do with it uh anyway so we we got to to meet him and visit with him and and and the family we got to spend some time just talking and having a great time actually they were just a very loving family and accepting and and they actually just uh invited us in into their day it was sunday and they invited us to go to church with them and they said well welcome you know very accepting very loving family i i think i was shocked to be honest uh be because i i had so much going on with i guess my my family at that point to just have someone so accepting and so loving it was just you know we were just very happy to have that support and love and so as far as how i felt was i sure about it or any of that i think i was just trying to ignore uh that that decision that at that point uh kind of accepted the distraction of just like spending time with the family exactly we needed a distraction yes because it was it was difficult it was a difficult decision to make but after talking for some some time between the three of us the we we did decide that you know what let's let's let's pull the trigger let's let's do it let's let's move out and and just and just make a make a living the best we can and and see how this works out and i believe i said this at one point but at that very moment i did think in my head that i was going to experience life a little bit more but then would eventually move back and i thought that way because i was so sure that the that i had all the truth as far as religion goes and the spirituality i believe that i had the entire truth so i thought that eventually i'd have to move back so that i could uh be able to return to god did you go to church with the family i did we did we did we did we did yep in fact a funny story we i'm i'm a big guy so they actually had to borrow a a shirt from a neighbor and a pair of shoes from another neighbor and so they they got this wardrobe gathered together to for for church clothes and so i was wearing one neighbor's shirt and different neighbors pair of shoes and everything walking into church anyway but we went and it was great uh we had a yeah it was a great time and i just felt very accepted and loved by the family from the very beginning that's awesome yeah and and then from there they actually allowed us to stay they had a casita in the back of their in their backyard and so we were actually allowed to stay there for a few weeks to kind of help us get on our feet and and decide what we wanted to do at that point and so at that after staying there for quite some time we actually ended up uh moving to las vegas for some time doing construction work and a couple of the mountains surrounding las vegas doing some some building some cabins so how would you get that work like did you just know people that were already working how did you get the work and like where would you stay during that right so we did have some connections beforehand because we did construction growing up so we did have a few connections which we called my brother called a few people and they said actually yes we do have some work come on down to las vegas and i'll i'll help you i will help you get this job and also i have this house that i'm renting out that you can stay in for some time so that's one of the first things so they had work and a place to stay all in one yeah uh and also for for some time there uh my the the family that we stayed with that first night uh um his his brother also had a company in las vegas and so we would we actually came down and worked with him for a while as well awesome so anyway so there was a couple different connections that way as well and we moved up to northern utah for quite some time as well doing some some uh different construction work up there so we just kind of moved around sometimes stayed with friends sometimes stayed in hotels just whatever whatever we could do to survive yeah were they all like jobs that were like so you didn't ever just get like employed with one company were they like contract jobs or what made it so you moved so much yes it was just whatever we could find okay yeah just whatever we could find and moved to wherever that work was yeah and then sorry going back real quick because i was just thinking i know it's a lot it's a lot of information going back to like the next day and the couple days thereafter i'm guessing you didn't ignore your parents phone calls forever oh yes no we did not yeah so what was that like um you know the next day obviously the distraction with having a loving family you know take you in but what was your next conversation with your parents like like how soon was it excuse me how soon was it and what was that like yeah so it was if i remember correctly it was the next day uh towards evening uh the afternoon evening of the next day where we we called them back and we we just as as plainly as we could and as i guess it was very difficult it was a difficult conversation i remember i called my mother and and was just trying to explain to her my feelings all she could do the entire conversation was tell me to please come back you know the truth you've been taught the truth how could you possibly not see that and feel that please come back and and i and she just you know would tell me how much she she loved me and and and all my heart yeah it was it was very difficult obviously because i knew that what it meant that it would mean that we would not be able to live together and be together but it was it was just a decision that uh and once again being a young teenager i i just i wanted i wanted a different lifestyle and and i felt that that was that it was the only option i had in order to have a different lifestyle was to leave my family i really was i just didn't so so we tried to explain the best we could and and uh and and then we said we also need to come back and get our things which they allowed that's what's going to ask next year so we we went back uh i believe it was that same evening or maybe the the next day we went back and we got our clothes and and they asked to sit down and talk with us uh fathered it and we sat down and talked for quite a while and tried to explain ourselves the best we could on why we felt that we needed to move out and of course it just was they they were shocked couldn't believe there couldn't believe it they thought they had taught us better than that and and so anyway it was just a difficult conversation to have but we talked for probably about an hour of father trying to you know i guess convince us to stay and not not make this decision but at that point we had both we had both made our decision and my brother and i had talked quite a bit and we just said we had decided we had made up our mind at that point so before even going back to talk right a lot of people have asked too um specifically like with birth certificate social security cards those type of things when you went out there did you think of grabbing those like did you grab that kind of stuff did you grab any pictures or were you just grabbing like clothes and then i wish so badly at this point that i had figured out some way to get pictures because we had uh you know our parents kept or i guess my mother kept all of these baby books all these baby pictures and things from when i was young but no i didn't think about getting any of those i didn't think about a lot of those things but we did we did get our birth certificate and we did get our social security card so father's first wife kept all of those things in a safe all of the legal documents they kept in a safe and and so we didn't get those in fact if i remember correctly they actually gave those to us knowing that we would need them in order to get jobs and those type of things yeah so we did have those uh and we got those yet gotcha so you're going back to you traveling around so you've decided you're for sure going to leave you have that hard conversation go and get your stuff and then you you know spend two weeks with that family in their casita and then you go and you start traveling around and then what made you like when did you settle down from traveling around and like what was your first steady job of like okay we're gonna kind of stay here for a little bit and do this work yeah so i moved out in 2018 and for 2008 i'm sorry losing it i moved out in 2008 and during that time as most people know the economy was just horrible so it was it was difficult it was difficult to find a job it was difficult to have work so we that and that's another reason that we traveled around so much trying to find work especially construction work right right so we were all over the place and i think a lot of people or some people probably just were helping us out you know looking back you know people were probably just were realizing the situation we were coming from and just trying to help us out but so we did that for about four months i would say and then we we all just decided you know what this is this is just too much traveling too much all over the place and during those four months we had we had come back to st george utah several times and we had been continuing our relationship with this family that we first stayed with and anyway so when we moved back uh we just well sorry we decided to move back to st george and just make that our home base and try to find work here so we did we came back we garden we got an apartment and we all just kind of pitched in the three of us uh and we just went out searching for work and a lot of us actually got jobs with people that had also uh moved or had people that had moved from the community before we did they had uh construction companies and things so we would uh some of us got work with them uh and i i'm trying to remember what i did to begin with i believe i i just did little odds and ends and little things here and there but my first legit job was with fabulous freddie's car wash so that was my first actual job job like job besides construction aside from construction yep so i did that for quite a while first steady paycheck yep yeah yeah that was it was very different but that was the first one when you left so you know you're in an apartment with your brother and friend um did you guys know a lot of other people who had left the community already like i a lot of people have asked which is a really good question you know if you had people to really lean on or was it mostly just like the three of you just kind of leaned on each other or did you know other people that had left that you could kind of count on or yeah so the people that we leaned on the most were the three of us and the family that we first stayed with the first night we moved out uh that to begin with that was kind of the first that was the where we and my brother and i i mean it was a i mean at least for me i was very very glad and happy to have him he was a huge support helped me out a lot and so that was that was a definitely a big thing that helped me out a lot and then also like i mentioned the family yeah out of all your siblings that had left like how many of them had left at that point were you kind of at the beginning of the pack leaving or in the middle we were more of the beginning now a lot followed us we started something but before us there were uh just i believe let me make sure i get this right just three of us had moved out before us and they were all older brothers and uh quite a bit older actually so they were from first mother yes they were the three of the three of them were all from the first mother and did any of them live in southern utah no they all lived it they all lived in northern actually let me see here uh two of them lived in northern utah at that time and and the my oldest brother he actually i'm not sure where he was living at that point he drives trucks so he was kind of all over the place but so there were three of them before me before us and then we we moved out and then several followed us after that point gotcha yeah and we'll definitely have to do another video talking about what it's like to kind of support other people who have left because we've gotten that question a lot so we'll save that for another video of what it's like um you know to have siblings leave after you and kind of support yeah and just to be clear though to to your question we did know other people that moved out uh that weren't family members and so we did have them to to kind of rely on and visit with and all of that and we did do quite a bit of that actually for the first while we would go visit other families and some families were established already had homes in st george utah and so that that made it nice then you know be able to mingle with other people and and uh you know be around other people that have been through the same situation that we had so so there was a little bit of sense of community yes there was yep yeah i was obviously not to be able to uh not quite the same as being with your family but at least there was some sense of community still yeah and then i mean at this point i mean the story goes on for quite some time obviously there's a lot more we could talk about i wish we had more time in this video but uh but we had a lot of support from uh just neighbors friends uh one of the big supports was the family we first stayed with they didn't just they didn't fade away they they remained a huge part of our life and still to this they do absolutely so and they they supported me and helped me and another one of my brothers a lot so and i mean so anyway i wish i could go on for longer and maybe we'll just make a continuation to this video a part two of what happened beyond when she moved back to st george but um for today we just wanted to kind of give him more depth a little bit what it was like when he very first left and for those upcoming months afterwards just what that looked like what his life looked like at that point right and uh kind of give you guys some more insight on that so if you guys like these videos please like and subscribe and again feel free to leave your comments and questions yes um in the comments section and we'll try to get back to make more videos thank you we'll talk to you soon

Channel: Growing Up in Polygamy

Views: 65,010

Keywords:

Id: sXT0nR9h6Sk

Length: 25min 26sec (1526 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 19 2021