(laughs) - There's probably a lot of things you wouldn't believe about me. But I'm not sure I'm
willing to share them all. (laughing) This is kind of a
downer, but that I suffer from severe depression. Do I look like I do? - [Thoraya] I mean, I
wouldn't have guessed it, no. - No, that's why I'm over
here getting some sun. It's something that I've
dealt with for nine years after I retired as a nurse practitioner. Because I sort of lost my compass. I was a workaholic. I just finished having 20 ECT, electric convulsive shock
treatments, for my depression. So what they do is they knock you out with a short-term anesthetic
and they induce a convulsive by running electric
current through your brain which is something that I'd
never, ever thought I would do as a healthcare provider. But my depression was so bad that I was willing to try anything. So I tried it. - I spent 10 years in the military. You could probably can't tell, right? - [Thoraya] (laughing) Right. Are you pretty patriotic? - You know, I was for a long time but I dunno, some things kind
of changed after a while. It's difficult to reconcile
like, a lot of the things that the government's done. You know, like my part in
it and stuff like that, so. After a certain amount of
time, I dunno, I just started to notice like, there was a trend. Like, the things that I was saying and the things that
other people were saying, the way that it affected people. It started to make me
really feel uncomfortable. And I think there's a lot
of sexism in the military and I think that's the main thing that I'm guilty of, personally, is... I dunno, we were taught to dislike women. I can't like, explain it in a logical way. It didn't make sense and it still, it doesn't make sense now
but at the time, I was trying to buy all these other
dudes who were doin' it, and so it just felt right. I just said bad things about
other women in my unit. They were marines, they were
just as qualified as I was. But it was wrong and it's
scary how easy it was, though. You know? It's scary how easy,
how sometimes you just don't even notice the bad
things you do, you know? Until suddenly you do. I don't know, I feel like a **** creep. - [Thoraya] What's something that I wouldn't believe about you? - I actually love the junkyard
and I'm fixin' up a car. Like, we tore the whole
inside apart and so, yeah, I really, I love going in a junkyard and just taking off a part of the stuff. - [Interviewer] Why do you think people wouldn't believe that about you? - Because I look very clean. And you get really dirty in the junkyard. And it's hot, it's so hot, oh my god. But it's so fun. I like fixing things and I love giving things another meaning. And I think a lot of cars,
like, people take for granted. Like, the car I'm fixing
up and the car I have now, like, even if she broke down
or if people wanna buy it sometimes, like, I would never sell it. I don't know, I talk to the
car sometimes. (laughing) Maybe they're like people to me. Like my little kid. - [Thoraya] So when
you go to the junkyard, do you just see like, a bunch of people? - No, I see a bunch of cars. (laughing) I think of them as girls. So I'll be like, when you
finally take off something 'cause it's really hard to
unscrew everything, okay? So you just, it's really
hard to take off the stuff. And you take it off,
you're like, "Heck yeah, "you got this, girl," like you did it. Like that, I'd be telling the car that. I'd be like, "Just wait, just wait. "I'm gonna get you something new." Like, "Don't worry,
we're gonna fix you up." - [Thoraya] Do you
truly feel such a connection to your car?
- Yeah, I truly feel, I feel like everything I have
you should really care about. You should always take care of your things and I feel bad for people who have things that they don't take care of, or have all these
opportunities and they don't, you know, use them wisely. Yeah, I do all kinds of things. I'm crazy. I'm really smart in school. I was a straight A student. I was a runner. I was varsity what everything,
I could go to a big school. I had a whole bunch of scholarships, you know, like, almost full ride. But I didn't go to university. And that's because I think
I could do something else. - [Thoraya] I really think so too, and I'm not just saying that. You don't necessarily
know what you're gonna do but you know-- - I just know I'm gonna do something good. And I think everyone
can do something good. - Something you wouldn't believe about me? Help me out, guys. What would you not believe about me? - [Thoraya] Wait, say that again. - (laughing) That he's a lady's man. He's got game but he just
doesn't show it to anybody. His game will come out
whenever he wants it to. - It's all a slow and
steady process, you know? Ain't no rush. - Something that you wouldn't
believe about me is that my heart is backwards. It hasn't caused any like, health problems or anything like that,
it's just backwards. - That I was on my high
school wrestling team. - I'm scared of needles. - I have never had a cup
of coffee in my life. - I'm transgender. - That I've a twin brother that's all tattooed just like me. - I can speak, read,
and write fluent Spanish 'cause I'm Latino. But, you know, on the outside
it really doesn't look like it so people are always shocked
when I speaking fluent Spanish. - You wouldn't believe that I'm not a fluent Spanish speaker. 'Cause I'm obviously very Latino and I think that's why you
probably wouldn't guess it. I don't, I don't speak Spanish. Not fluently, at least. - Something that you
wouldn't believe is that I'm not Indian. People think I look Indian, but I'm not. I'm actually Spanish. - So everybody thinks I'm
really nice and really friendly. They say that, but I
really like shooting guns. I really like violence. I love punching things, kicking things, throwing things at people. I slap my friends for fun. I choke them sometimes. Yeah, all in good fun though. It actually works out for
me because I like playing off this, I'm a sweet Asian
girl, that kind of thing. So nobody really ever suspects me. And then I just come outta nowhere. I'm like, feisty. (laughing) - I was born on a bus. I was premature, I was born at six months. And my mom didn't know she was pregnant and she was taking the bus to work. And her water broke and
she got really bad cramps and I just slipped out. Now I'm here. (laughing) Yeah. Brutal but, yeah. - [Thoraya] Your
mom didn't have no idea she was pregnant? - Mm-mm. She wasn't even showing or nothing. Whenever I ask her about this
story, she always tells me like, it was really hard
for her to understand what was going on because
she hadn't had her, she hadn't had her period in a while. But she had already gotten her
tubes tied and so she thought it just wasn't something
that could happen. And she's on the bus to
work and all of a sudden, she got really bad cramps and felt something coming out over there. And then everybody else on
the bus starts freaking out and she got rushed to the hospital. And so she always calls
me like, a miracle. - I guess it's like, how
much grip religion has on me, still, even after
labeling myself as an atheist. Just because being born
into a religious family, like, it had so much power over my life and I only recently got out of it. I just started college
and I finally was able to get away from my home, my family who's really, really religious. I was finally able to
take a break from church and it feels very freeing. However, religion has definitely possessed a very strong grip on me. And whatever decision I make
and whatever action I take, even when I shouldn't, it's like even now. Like, what I'm wearing
isn't revealing at all, however, in some parts, I'm like, should I be exposing my arms? And when I do something with
another person, it's like, should I really be doing this? Will this make me go to hell? Like, is this the right choice to make? - I don't think that a lot
of people would believe that I was in a women's jail,
detention center, prisoner. Arrested for domestic
violence against a woman that I was in a relationship with. I pulled a knife out and
threatened her with it. And it cost me a lot of things in my life. The humiliation, the shame
behind it was something that I still carry with me. But I was able to make amends for it. The other thing is that
I was drunk and on drugs when that happened and that
I'm now clean and sober. Now I've turned my life around. And I am happy, joyous, and free. And my life is such a blessing. And I'm super happy. - Hey everyone, Thor.Aya, here. I wanted to say thank you
for watching this episode. I am still selling these
sweaters on my website. If you're interested, I'll link in in my description. I love you guys and
I'll see you next week. (soft music)
