What You Need To Know About Women

the torah tells us how we were created so it must be relevant it must be necessary or useful to know how we were created which is why we're told so what are we told we are told that man was created from dust and the woman was created from the man or in simple terms the man was created out of nothing and the woman was created out of a living human being it seems like that makes a huge difference because your origins where you come from has a huge influence on your personality your psyche so getting right to the point the male psyche has a memory of having been nothing which a woman's psyche does not have and that's why men have a legitimate healthy fear of um turning out to be nothing so if a man is treated like he's nothing he could actually become a nothing and anytime anything suggests or reminds him of that nothingness he panics his survival is at stake of course his mental psychic survival and that's why men have a very fragile ego because it doesn't take much to make them feel like nothing because they suspect that they might be nothing even without your help everybody knows a story about the man who came to hillow and said teach me the whole torah while i stand on one foot and hillow said to him what is hateful to you do not do to others now let me tell you the rest of that story hillel was not giving him a vague open-ended message that needs to be interpreted what is hateful to you don't do to others you hate chocolate don't let anybody eat chocolate is that what it means in hebrew when it says what is hateful it's not a question it's a description that thing you know what i'm talking about that thing that you hate don't do it to others what is that thing the thing that everyone hates is to be reminded that you're nothing it's a male thing women don't have that because in a woman's psyche there is no zero you're either a one or you're a 10. [Music] but there's no zero so although nobody wants to be a one but if you treat a woman like she's nothing it simply doesn't compute you treat a man like he's nothing you can convince him that's why if you treat a woman like she's nothing she's puzzled like what in the world's going on you're treating me like i'm nothing that doesn't compute i'm not nothing with a man i always suspect that i might be nothing and now you're confirming it and what am i going to do if you're nothing you're nothing but it's a horrible feeling that you'll never understand being a zero is total annihilation it's not an insult i mean it's much more than an insult it's total annihilation when you put down a man you're destroying him that's why men are so sensitive to criticism because every criticism reminds them of the ultimate criticism so you say to a guy you know you're not so tall okay here goes i know where this is leading you start with not so tall not so smart not so important not so necessary you mean i'm nothing i hate that so no i just said you weren't tall so that's why men can't tolerate any criticism see this this this suspicion that men live with haunts them it's not a conscious thought but it's always there that's called haunted men are haunted by this fear it's a demon or a monster in their closet and we spend a lot of time and a lot of energy keeping that closet closed so it's very common that men will over compensate to keep that door closed so the whole macho thing and the whole bravado thing it's it's basically to hide the fact that we're not less than you think we are but that we're actually nothing at all the funny thing is no matter how many times women will tell men that they're not nothing it doesn't make a dent because you can't undo a created condition see that's why men have this thing we have this obsession this fascination with anything that goes from zero to sixty [Laughter] or zero to thirty twenty as long as it goes from zero to something that's that's for us so a boy comes home from school and says everybody hates me and everybody's picking on me that's very different than if your daughter comes home and says nobody loves me because you're when your daughter comes up and says nobody loves me she's like wondering how come when your son comes home and says nobody loves me he knows why and there's nothing he can do about it the proof that all of this is true if you need any proof is not only how sensitive men are to criticism but how positively men respond to compliments it's totally disproportionate you give a man a compliment you've made his year even though it's not much of a compliment so just as an example if a wife says to her husband did you change the light bulb i didn't know you could change a light bulb every husband will say oh stop it anybody can change a light bulb but you've made his day he goes off to work feeling like a million bucks but then he tries to return the favor and the next morning he says to his wife you made these eggs i didn't know you knew how to make eggs what would your reaction be you wouldn't feel like a million bucks for the rest of the day you'd think my god what did i marry you would say them you have fever or something are you feeling well and then you won't make an eggs the next day so why is that because turning in a light bulb is better than nothing being able to make eggs that's not a 10. what is the worst thing you can say to a husband if he's turning in the light bulb and you say it's okay i can do that it's like oh so you don't need me to turn in the light bulb and you don't need me to you don't need me do you i'm totally useless and to make matters worse this has been our predicament for 5 700 years in the last 70 years you've made it so much worse because you really don't need us feminism has completely destroyed whatever hope we had left [Music] so if men's ultimate sensitivity is nothingness zeroness what is a woman's ultimate weakness vulnerability if a man was created from dust his biggest fear is that he will be reduced back to dust if you're created from a man your biggest fear is disappearing into a man losing your identity to a man so the gemara says that a man should honor his wife more than himself because women are sensitive to injustice the gemara doesn't just make idle observations i mean who's not sensitive to injustice who wants to be treated unjustly what he's saying is this where men can't tolerate abuse because it makes them feel like nothing a woman won't tolerate abuse because she can't take injustice if a woman is not treated the way she thinks she deserves to be treated she can't stand it the injustice of it not the threat she's not threatened she's outraged this is why women can be abused so easily and so regularly an abused wife can stay in the in the abusive marriage for 50 years because all she needs to do is find justification as long as it's justified and it's okay it hurts i got broken arm broken leg broken head but it was deserved it's okay well obviously it's irrational but as long as she can find justification it's like he broke my he broke my arm but that's because i scratched the car and she's willing to stay and everybody else is thinking are you out of your mind the man broke your arm she says yeah but it's because i scratched the car a man could not do that because he doesn't react with outrage he reacts with fear of annihilation he's got to save his life and get out of there whereas the woman doesn't feel like her existence is in danger because she's not a nothing what about the lack of justice well in each case she finds a justification so she can take it now of course justification is a very [Music] um a very desperate argument but it works for women it won't work for men this is why a man needs to accomplish a man needs to acquire a man needs to create change to produce something to fight a war and win because if not then who needs him then he's nothing that's why men are aggressive aggressive means the need to accomplish women don't have that don't have that aggression because they don't have the need to prove anything instead women are nurturers nurturing means i don't need to acquire anything just let me keep what i have let me be me so the woman who goes out to work in order to feed her family she's not trying to acquire anything she's simply maintaining what's hers that's called nurturing this is also why men thrive on bad news because if there's something bad and i can fix it that will prove that i'm useful if nothing bad is happening then so if there's no war going on let's start one [Music] that's why there's that famous quote men men go to war because women are watching women on the other hand thrive when there's no war when everything is good men don't understand that what are you so happy about nothing's happening you know what i mean nothing's happening i'm me you're you we have this house have our kids yeah but nothing's happening what are you so happy about so we don't really know we meaning men we don't really know what it's like to be content we're puzzled by your contentment a man spends a year building a house and they finally move in and the wife says this is so nice and the husband says yeah but that side room needs shut up it's nice we have a house let's live in it yeah but i think maybe we should add another let go be content can't afford it now that the house is done now you don't need me anymore so i got to find something wrong with the house that i can still fix because i got to stay employed understand i need a job what is it when a man says i'm so useless hello hello i'm so i feel so useless but when a man says i'm so useless he's waiting for a response if you don't say anything so if a man if your husband says i i'm so stupid and you say [Music] yeah i noticed every statement needs a comment but don't expect him to appreciate your agreement finally we agree on something let's continue on this journey because of these distinctions men and women will never understand each other never the distance the difference is so vast it is so much a part of the man's psyche and it is so unfamiliar to women that no matter how much we talk about it you don't get it we're a different species in modern language men evolved from dust women evolved from a human being different species that's why men and women will never get along men and women are not even good for each other i mean we all know this we just don't want to admit it a woman who has a man in her life is miserable [Laughter] and a man who has a woman in his life but here's what i'm saying men and women are really not good for each other they should live in separate islands stay away from each other because it's nothing but trouble nothing but trouble that's why that's why god created marriage because marriage means a relationship between a husband and a wife not a man and a woman if the man who gets married doesn't become a husband or the woman doesn't become a wife then they're better off staying apart a man and woman cannot be married to each other so what's happening in the world today is that people get married and refuse to become husbands and wives and that has become so accepted we're so acceptable that uh if your husband is misbehaving you're told you're actually told he's a man you gotta understand that's men and so i didn't marry to have a man in my life i married to have a husband and there's a huge difference between a husband and a man there's a huge difference between a wife and a woman the difference is so huge that we don't want to make the change so following this thread the difference between male and female so on let's look at the positive side man has this fear of annihilation and therefore needs to accomplish but no matter how much he accomplishes the ghost never goes away the most successful the most powerful the most influential the most wealthy men are just as paranoid in fact they become even more paranoid because after all this i could still be on nothing well then there's no hope the positive side of that is that because men feel like there's a nothingness to them they are motivated and driven to give when they feel like they're giving something they feel their existence is justified so men need to be givers mashpia a man marries a woman the man is the breadwinner the man is responsible the man builds his home women on the other hand because they have no fear of annihilation because they're not preoccupied with their own survival are very available for others so they are natural nurturers therefore the woman doesn't need to give as much as she needs to receive because nurturing means confirming what is so where a man needs a compliment that shows that he accomplished something a woman needs appreciation which shows that she is noticed so therefore the stupid compliments that men thrive on a woman does not appreciate so if the man if the husband says i didn't know you could make eggs but if he simply said thank you appreciation not compliments of course you know anybody would like a compliment but you don't live for it and the lack of compliment is not going to devastate you but being taken for granted will so not being appreciated that goes against the grain because how can you treat us something as if it were nothing so i made you eggs that's nothing you just ignore it it's not right so women are nurturers and therefore they are receptive and men are aggressive need need to accomplish something to validate their existence and that's why they are the givers [Music] you

Channel: Rabbi Manis Friedman

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Keywords: education, educational, training, torah, judaism, chabad, religion, which religion in china, judaism beliefs, judaism definition, manis friedman, rabbi manis friedman, life, inspiration, inspirational, rabbi, life advice, adive, advice, life changing

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Length: 30min 14sec (1814 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 14 2021