What Lee Thinks Of Scotland And It's People | Lee Evans

[Applause] but I think the most dangerous job in the world I truly believe this is the guy who has to put the first cone out of the Fast Lane of the A1 do you know I mean you ready [ __ ] ready it's going to be we got a towel we got a towel don't oh please don't ohow he always bungs at me so but it's good to be Edinburgh you know thanks for coming in and I know people up on the balcony are [ __ ] going get on with you Bast I'm [ __ ] beiging I'm sorry it's so high up they got [ __ ] snow in their head bre I'm sorry oh [ __ ] I'm trapped it's good to be in Ed I get very ner and Edinburgh so everyone's like fresh fa here everyone's got [ __ ] red cheeks cuz of the edge you know what I mean hey you bastard people come up from London they're [ __ ] sucking on exhaust pipes they're going cold turkeys I can't stand and the hills bloody hell the hills you get halfway up you got like a gir guard you have to set up [ __ ] Camp I can't even make it it's really weird at edur if you're going somewhere you go up a hill if you're coming home you still go up a [ __ ] Hill it's incred and the bricks in the buildings here they flood is huge what i' carrier Carri them up the bloody ladder some big scotchk La where do all these [ __ ] bricks [Applause] here who are that you bastard to last it's like one brick one [ __ ] house and the water in your Taps wow [ __ ] it you can't get it off office like [ __ ] you know in London you switch on the tap it's like you switch on the tap up here and you [Music] go it's incredible I was I was like in the early days I was like torn around went to the ory [ __ ] everyone's just leaning like that cuz the window [ __ ] lean out of the window everything reason is all animals have [ __ ] fur like that cows have got [ __ ] fur on it's got [ __ ] Cola what you WR i b c me W you but I get so nervous I and you know what I've tried everything for my nerves I used to drink before I came on stage but drinking is bad for your body because it makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do and say things that you wouldn't normally say so I'd walk on stage after a couple of drinks and i' go and then walk off it's weird when you're at the pub though isn't it if you've had loads of beer and stuff it's weird you say everybody's name about nine times you go act John joh John John joh cuz that's how many you can see do [Applause] you [ __ ] job and I mean it that's another one no no no I mean it no no I mean it h it's not the dream talking it's me oh that's a drink talk and every blo that comes at the pub has to go to the toilet I don't know you know they come out the pub they find the nearest toilet which is usually a shop doorway they're go ah got take a [ __ ] I got take [Music] first [ __ ] other the NY flies and it's weird cuz you can't control your body like this leg wants to go this way and this leg wants to go this way and you start having a go at people cuz you're full of like you want to have a gun like come here it's [ __ ] you run away you coward you get down to your street where you live you know and you get to the end of your driveway and everything changes you know it's like control [Music] control son [ __ ] that L goes there what on L you working as a team as soon as you get your front door key out you know it's like a Luna Landing it's so precise it's like up a b left B [ __ ] wrong house wrong [Applause] buy and it's cuz you've had Lo to drink it's like a conspiracy somebody switch my street around there you get into your house you start talking to inan animal objects you'll close the front door you [Music] go she'll [ __ ] hear [Applause] you it's like the door's gone yes you did I buddy heard you I'll see you in the morning and you go upstairs you know to your bedroom where your wife's at you open the bedroom doing you go Jane Jane F Jane J [ __ ] it Jane Jan I sweet to you love I do not know these women you're always surfing when you're drunk he's like Jane [ __ ] Surf's Up Jane Jane Jane Jane and you haven't said anything to your wife you know since you've been married you only been IGN knowed but I don't know tonight you're wearing pissed vision and tonight Jean boiler is Cindy Crawford oh really fun are you Jane oh love you Jane and you Haven said anything to her in a year you know and you're determined to be romantic and inside your head is like how can I compare thee to a summer's day but what comes out is like oh you sorry about the sick and the bat I'm sorry people are going oh that's disgusting I'm really sorry about that God look at me I'm sweating all here I should keep fit I I used to go jogging like I don't know four miles a day I've done it for two weeks I got so [ __ ] far away from my house I couldn't get back I watched the football you know cuz football season started and stuff fantastic I don't know I was watching it in the keeper the keeper is the only one what yeah um I don't know all the letters were there they just got a [ __ ] sort the you know in the right order I don't I don't know I was watching like the keeper and he's the only one in the team who can pick the ball up you know what I mean in the area so why is he wasting in his time than this end when he can go up this end pick the ball up and [ __ ] put it in the net 2 5 6 78 [Applause] 10 I like it when he takes a goal kick it's really weird cuzz all the crowd do this thing where they go if I was the keeper I'd catch the crowd out I'd go like that I'd [Music] go and The Dugout if you that where all the managers and all that it's like a bus shelter cuz they kind of sit there they do and they keep getting up like a bus is coming they keep going like that he's got a little old granny set next to him with a bag on her lap I'm a too you know are you right you're bloody onl and the referees they got them funny shorts they always run backwards It's Like H he must drive up to the stadium like that in Reverse you know gets out of his car go through the turn Stone puts his shorts on his off and they never talk that's why the planes are always argu with them they never talk they always whistle what you [ __ ] saying there be clanger so players always spitting and grubbing as well every time I play you see a player like and it's great cuz soon as they score a go they're going to slide in it [ __ ] always deny a foul it doesn't matter what you know what they do they hack somebody down they go always deny they go ah [ __ ] 40,000 people see him do it he's like [ __ ] you're all wrong the linesman have you seen this guy the loneliest job in the world he's just got the one flag do you know what I mean just up and down all day up pain down [ __ ] Bard yes I'm still here know that right watch the other tennis tennis is one big bow up I swear to you cuz in tennis I don't know it's like who invented it some cheat in tennis they go 15 love 15 sh off [Applause] Oneil you can't score a goal in football and they go 15 in tennis they go 30 love [ __ ] off it's him on that ey chck he's making it up he he sat up there like some kid who can't eat his dinner prop ah 15 30 ju juice I want some juice w

Channel: Lee Evans

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Id: iC8rgzdxHh4

Length: 11min 50sec (710 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 18 2023