What is the weirdest thing you have done while drunk? (r/AskReddit Top Stories)

what's the craziest blackout drunk experience you've ever been told you've done got completely destroyed on an impromptu pub crawl woke up in another country apparently the ferry from stockholm to turku is perfectly fine with borderline comatose passengers booking tickets and boarding they said i bought a hot tub online worth about six hundred dollars check my amazon and found out they were right i apparently once lifted a couch cushion like it was a toilet seat then proceeded to vomit into the toilet close to the lid and went to sleep on the toilet my grandmother's cousin did something like this while sleep walking except she peed under the couch what an exceptionally strong grandmother's cousin lifting up the whole couch pissed on my friend's suitcase and when i was confronted mid-p i justified it by claiming i was just pissing on this vacuum don't worry my friend walked into another friend's bedroom and started peeing all over his bed and him while i was sitting in the next room when the guy wakes up freaking out the other guys is like shhh don't worry it's just a little bit god damn it i've lived this walked in on my friend pissing on the corner of my bed and also my back gammon set he was annoyed that i walked in on him another time i walked in on the same guy pissing in the bathroom sink i woke in bed with a very large bowl of spaghetti bolognese spilled under the covers with me keep it in your pockets man it isn't a party unless someone has pocket spaghetti arrived home took off my jeans in my kitchen but put my shoes back on then proceeded to head to bed as i passed my dad's room he was on his way to the bathroom and asked where my jeans were i looked down and began to have a miniature panic attack because i thought i had left them in the taxi on my way home along with my belongings this has happened a number of times in norway we have this tradition called rus where the graduate students dress up in red blue black or white pants drinking for 17 days may 1st 17 close bracket and we have exums as well i woke up drunk with a bottle of vodka under my teacher's desk on my exam day i do not really remember it that well but the teacher let me take the exam some friends told me that we were in some girls rust van drinking the whole night and that they dropped me of outside the school one hour before the exam how did the exums go i did not pass trying this year i once passed out in the middle of the road in the fetal position and was nearly run over by a woman delivering newspapers the woman stopped and tried waking me up but i was unresponsive when the cops arrived they were able to wake me up and when i was asked how much i had to drink i simply responded you're looking at it the police then charged me with disorderly conduct and took me home i had no recollection of what fully happened until it was in the newspaper we had a company christmas party that ended up at a local bar one year when i was in my twenties most of us had significant others or friends who drove us home but one of my coworkers didn't i had left the bar around midnight but apparently after the bar closed it too he drunkenly stumbled to his truck got in and cranked the act a full blast again this is at christmas time there's snow on the ground the cops who were outside the bar walked up to his truck and told him to roll the windows down one of them says you've got the ack on full blast are you hot my coworker replies that's my radio [ __ ] he spent the night in jail cut someone in line for pizza in new orleans and they wanted to fight me but i was too oblivious to even know someone was trying to fight me i remember the pizza line but not the danger i was on acid in tampa and we found a mold to walk through at one point i had an empty cup and needed to throw it away and i see a garbage can maybe 20 30 yards away i didn't know it at the time but there were a bunch of gangster-looking latino dudes hanging out at the can area i rolled up on them with such urgency that they thought i was there to start [ __ ] some giant dude got right in my face and said some [ __ ] in spanish but all i could think of was getting my cup in the can i did a juke move to the left spun to my right and two hand dunked the cup like shaq hanging on the rim i was so pleased with myself that i had my arms up the hole walk back to my friend who was staring into the water fountain for the whole show i'm pretty sure i was supposed to fight or be scared or apologize or something i don't know but i still wonder what he said to me and just how gangster i was when it didn't even stop me from posting him up and dunking on him the whole thing registered about two hours later and i realized i could have gotten hurt before i knew there was an issue one time i woke up and bitched at my friends for all eating jello shots without me then they politely informed me that they didn't have any and i ate all of them i hopped on a bus to kansas because and this was quoted back to me when i called my brother for help getting back i want to find out if there's more corn in that [ __ ] hole than i were apostrophe my friend's 18th about 10 years ago i had stupidly mixed heavy alcohol with the medication i was taking at the time i think it was slivaxamine forget i remember joking around with my friends one moment then the next i was cowering in the corner tears streaming down my face with several worried friends around me i snapped out of it with something like oh hey guys apparently i had been sitting in the corner screaming out the name and phone number of the guy i had a crush on at the time good thing he wasn't at that party woo one of the girls at a party i was at had gad and was on that medicine and had her attorney and was on vacation she drank anyway had to chase her down the street she thought cheaters were going to get her and eat her and we were the cheaters it was winter and five degrees out in the snow and she was barefoot and i happened to draw the sober straw that night [ __ ] that girl we locked her in the basement with her boyfriend the rest of the night with a gallon of water and skittles the only food we could find i was about to get my tonsils out a few years ago i'm 29 now and my brother who is on his way to prison as we speak insisted on getting me shit-faced at least once before the surgery so he proceeds to take me to all his spots introduce me to his friends all the while slamming red bull vodkas at some point i black out but vaguely remember a ratty strip club for a few seconds and then waking up the next day he told me that i got us kicked out of the shittiest strip club in the city by standing up and saying how much does it cost to [ __ ] someone in here because i know that's how this works i woke up in a police cell when you wake up in a police cell with no recollection of what crime you have committed you start to panic very quickly i stood up and at that moment realized not only was i in a police cell i was also naked i put my clothes on and stood around waiting for someone to come and talk to me a policewoman walks in smiling and eating a pocket of crisps she puts the crisps down and tells me to put my hands out so she can handcuff me i do this while asking why i was here to which she says you're about to find out she walks me into a room with another policeman in it who tells me to sit down and drink some water he then tells me why i was there which goes a little like this i was walking home from a night out when i went into a small supermarket and proceeded to eat some olives i don't even like olives and some chocolate bread i then picked up some chicken breasts and left with them putting them in the bin outside the shop as i was continuing my walk home the policeman i was now talking to pulled up in front of me to arrest me at which point i decided it would be a good idea to try and run away i got about 10 meters before i ran into a bush and fell over after he had finished he asked if i wanted to see the evidence i said yes he then got up a cctv image of me in the supermarket with a packet of olives in one hand a big smile and a thumbs up with my other hand i [ __ ] up not much once i woke up after having a drinking contest with a 40-something punk rocker named jake i was 17 at the time and not much of a drinker anyway so i was obliterated no memory of the night before except puking with jake in the bushes in front of my friend's apartment where i was staying for a week during a road trip check my social media this was like 2 000 so i checked my liver journal there was a message from me to me hey i know you won't remember in the morning but you had some pretty mediocre sex with a girl named april last night you weren't any good in bed insert friend name walked in on you but she's probably not mad you were [ __ ] in her bed don't drink anymore apostrophe don't drink anymore oh man how many times have i said that one bought tickets for a black eyed peas concert who show wasn't that bad i especially liked the part where they went off the stage a mate of mine caught a huge seagull and held onto it as it pecked the [ __ ] out of his hands then through it screeching through the door of the pub he'd just been kicked out of and we bolted we woke up the next morning and he says what the [ __ ] happened to my hands i've no idea what happened in the pub but i suspect it was quite amusing i guess i've never tried to catch a seagull but it can't be easy can it i'm more impressed at least at first impression that a blackout drunk man was able to catch a seagull i once woke up on my friend's couch wearing the clothes she was wearing was the night before a few minutes after i woke up her boyfriend walked into the lunchroom wearing the clothes that i was wearing i did a tuck and roll out of a cab was it moving coming to a slow stop i just had to go i guess high school graduation party i was drinking liquor and had moved on to high proof moonshine when the police raided the party i ran along with a hundred or so other party guys leaping over fences in the process to hide except when the police finally left after issuing the people who stayed mine are under the influence tickets i didn't return with everyone else apparently i had kept running for miles i have some tiny snippets of memories of hiding in shadows and ditches from police with flashlights squad cars spotlights and being yelled at to stop but that's about it i was found by pure luck three hours later something like 12 miles away when i apparently recognized the sound of a friend's aftermarket exhaust on a nearby road and burst out of the woods to flag him down supposedly not long after leaving the house the cops had spread out and set up a perimeter around the neighborhood and were looking to catch someone in a blue collared shirt who had fled on foot and had outrun a number of officers and avoided several attempts at being corralled i'm almost certain it was me when i was found i was covered in sticks live branches and earth and i had smeared mud on my shirt face arms and in my hair as camouflage and was completely and utterly incoherent i had apparently attempted to make an impromptu gilly suit while evading capture i threw up in the back seat of my friend's car promptly fell asleep and had to be carried like a human couch up a flight of stairs while being carried i projectile vomited on the walls of the stairwell until my friends got me upstairs where they immediately stripped me put me in a cold bathtub ordered me to bathe help me dry off and then put me in bed my mom was so happy that we actually had a dd for the party that she didn't give me any [ __ ] about it though i never told her i turned into a blackout drunk version of arnold at the end of predator to run from the police other highlights include the guy who bought the kegs hiding inside the drop ceiling to avoid detection another friend dislocating a shoulder in the initial fence jump immediately following the shouting of cops students from another rival school showing up and discharging a gun in front of the house the house of kid who threw the party who didn't even attend our school being completely destroyed and the one friend who didn't run being put on probation and community service when i was a freshman in college i didn't know how to hold my liquor and being a five feet too tall girl it hit me quicker than a lot of my friends i remember nothing but my friends told me they couldn't find me at a co-op house party and started freaking out they found me on the front lawn having an in-depth conversation with a cop and a guy collecting cans apparently we were all laughing the cop shook my hand and said have a great school year and left and i promptly vomited into some bushes i would give any amount of money to know what my blackout 18 year old self was talking about and why the cop didn't charge me with a mip generally speaking in my experience cops just don't care as long as you're not belligerent trying to drive at a massive underage party or causing a scene they are probably not gonna bother they know everyone drinks underage especially at a college town but if you're being good they have better things to do then cite the drunk freshman who's only having a conversation if you were yelling and screaming and trying to pick a fight things probably would have been different yep i was at washington state during its heyday as a party school the cops there were super cool i was at a huge block party once and there were a cop hiding in an arbor vitti jumping out at obviously underage drinks and yelling gotcha then giggling and climbing back in the shrub if you aren't making a scene like lighting a dumpster on fire and starting a riot after losing a football game we won't talk about that then the cops generally don't care too much paperwork edit i turned my original post to a tl doctor and explain what happened i was in my freshman year of college and four lockers were hot off the press for a solid few months my routine per game consisted of one to two four lockers and then i would usually top myself off with a few cold ones at the bar i killed many brain cells and forgot too many nights that year this one particular night was a thursday and we had a social event at this bar i'd never been to i was an experienced drunk driver at the time so i offered to drive the crew downtown for the event when we got down there the only place i could find parking was in the back of an alleyway next to some dumpsters behind the bar i was drunk so i just said [ __ ] it and park there had a great night and somehow get home this was on a thursday so i go on to enjoy a couple more nights of blacking out and killing brain cells at a steady rate sunday rolls around and the partying was over i wanted some non-shitty food so i went down to the giant ass parking lot at my dorm complex and searched aimlessly for my car it was nowhere to be found so i went to the four to five other places it could be parked and still nothing i start calling toe companies all around the city and none of them had it completely stumped at this point i call the university police and report my car stolen they give me a series of questions and emphasize the fact that no one steals a wrangler i insist it's stolen and assure them that wranglers are badass cars worth stealing six weeks roll around my car is reported stolen to insurance and the police i'm shopping for a new car and i'm excited for the upgrade at this point everyone in my fraternity knows my car was stolen but the older guys are wiser and teased me for losing it i'm still convinced it was stolen this thursday our fraternity hosts another event at that same bar that i had only been to once before i got black out on four lockers and went to the bar outside i run into an older guy who says isn't the car you lost a black wrangler i saw one in the back there i'm pretty sourced up so when he says that i go nuts i sprint back there and sure enough there's my car that had been missing for over a month the back window was knocked down interior ravaged and a note left on the windshield asking me to move it i'm all jacked up so i completely forget why i was downtown in the first place and drive my car back to my dorm as i'm driving back i give my dad a call he's happy to hear i found it but tells me i'm an idiot to not drive drunk and to go to bed the part one was dreading the most was telling the police i sack up and tell them they have me going to the police station for questioning the officer sits me down and says now i'm going to ask you a question and i need to you answer honestly all right did you have anything to drink the night your car went missing i reply yes sir and that was it they let me go and my car was back in my possession likely tarnished by the cities homeless but i still got it back two morals of the story don't drink four lockers and don't drive drunk tl doctor i lost my car six weeks later after already reporting it stolen got blackout again and found it we were having a pool party i live in brazil a friend that lived in europe brought her 80 alcohol absent i had three shots of those plus beers and [ __ ] last thing i remember was 10 a.m fast forward to 8 p.m i'm alone inside the pool partying just waving my arms in the air no music playing no one around i stop think about what i was doing and realize everybody went to bed about an hour ago later i'm told that at noon we ran out of ice so someone offered to go buy some at the supermarket i offered to go with him keep in mind i was only wearing my underwear because i was in the pool when we get there he tells me to stay in the car because i'm on my underwear so he enters the supermarket and after five minutes he sees me holding a bag of ice in the cashier line waiting for my turn in my underwear everybody was looking at me and i'm like what a lovely day not realizing what was happening we buy the ice and leave i left my friend at a party as he was hooking up with a girl when she got so drunk she was lying on the floor and grabbing random guy's feet as they walked past and asking them if she was pretty he settled for a bottle of vodka he called me at 5am with this eternal phrase hey two midgets in a duster i think i'm in a bit of a bind he found himself driving 120 down a lonely unfamiliar highway as he was looking around for an idea of where he was he veered off the road taking out seven wooden pylons the beta high wooden stumps that are supposed to stop people driving into a designated area and came to a stop i went to pick him up and found him asleep in the middle of a grass field about an hour's drive in the wrong direction from the party in a car with no bumper and three flat tires he still doesn't remember anything up until moments before veering off the highway edit to clarify i left the party and went home safely i wasn't drinking my friend left the party he had planned on staying the night at and getting into this mess i danced twice at the bar and ripped a urinal off the wall on a dare don't recall any of it dancing one time is one thing but twice you're a madman not me but a friend of mine said he got drunk and ate a shitload of salad like non-stop just devouring salad the next morning he wakes up with heads of lettuce all around him and he has no idea how they got there a few friends and i traveled to cleveland to see a show in a dive bar after the show the crowd just left the bar leaving pretty much just us in the band so we ended up having a true rocks tonight boozing with one of our favorite bands add some i hit blackout mode and suddenly woke up the next morning according to my friends i entered a hotel room and be lined for the bathroom as soon as i hit the threshold eye projectile vomited hitting the ceiling walls shower toilet sink you name it i puked on it they sat outside listening to me dry heaving for a bit they said i eventually burst out of the vomit coated bathroom told them i wasn't finished and left the hotel room five minutes later i reappeared with bleach and paper towels and locked myself in the bathroom when i came back out a while later i had completely detailed every square inch of the bathroom like it was a crime scene cleanup insisting that nobody but me should have to deal with other people's mess i then passed out cold for seven hours two doctor got [ __ ] faced and puked everywhere no one will ever know [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

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Id: P2AtAX3RD5U

Length: 22min 46sec (1366 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 04 2020