6 Ways to Easily Identify Quiet BPD

do you have mood swings but it seems that no one really understands how you're feeling do you tend to feel guilty and ashamed even though people tell you it's not your fault when you're in conflict with others you have a tendency to blame yourself if you answered yes then you might have quiet bpd [Music] hello everyone and welcome back to my channel if you're new here well welcome my name is kayla and i release new videos every monday about all things bpd so if that sounds good to you then be sure to hit the subscribe button down below as well as the bell notification on top to not miss out now i have been getting a lot of messages and comments on my youtube videos about the quiet bpd subtype and how a lot of people can relate to this so i figured that today i would share with you six ways to easily identify quiet ppd so that you can get the help that you need for those of you who are new here and have not seen my previous video that really breaks down what quad bpd is i'm going to quickly summarize it for you now so essentially kybpd is one of the four bpd subtypes and it's really referred to as an internalizing rather than externalizing subtype what i mean by this is that sometimes with other variances of bpd we see a lot of angry outbursts so tantrums and things of this nature with the quiet bpd subtype we don't really see this it's a lot of internal feelings of anger shame self-loathing self-hatred people pleasing it's having this intense fear of abandonment inside obsessive thoughts rumination anxiety depression but on the outside others might not realize that you have all this internal chaos happening within you and so oftentimes those with quiet bpd will tend to be high functioning and they will be able to hold down jobs for a very long time and if you speak to their co-workers or friends they might not know that there is anything quote-unquote wrong with them okay so if the majority of these symptoms are happening internally how do we identify that we have quite bpd the first thing i will recommend is to look out for freaking mood swings now roller coaster emotions emotions that are all over the place that seem to change very quickly this is a common trait of quiet bpd and bpd in general but as i had mentioned because this tends to be internal rather than external you want to look out for your internal dialogue so what are the thoughts and emotions that you're feeling or telling yourself are you spending a lot of time thinking about how bad you are about how everything is your fault with this emotional mood swings that we see in people with quiet bpd contrary to the angry outbursts that we see in some other subtypes we will see an effort to hide our feelings from others so if we're feeling sad we might pretend that we're happy or we might withdraw from others we might still be more irritable on the outside but our out or external irritability is not to the same level to which we're feeling those feelings inside of us the second indication that you might have quite bpd is people pleasing to a fault now i used to be really bad at this and that's okay i've gotten a lot better i also know that this is a very common experience for folks who do have quiet bpd so we see this people pleasing but what's actually occurring is a fun response so for those of you who are familiar with the fight flight freeze response there's actually a fourth one called fawn or fawning and this is usually learned in early childhood so children who were maybe abused or picked up on negative social cues from parents teachers or friends might have developed this response because it felt safer to just give the abuser what they wanted then to fight back or run away so with this people pleasing it's similar to this fawning response where we are just excusing toxic behavior and saying okay and yup you're right for things because we're scared of the consequences and because we have learned over time that our voice doesn't have its place and so we end up just saying yes to everything because that's the only way or the only way that we know how to interact and the only way that we feel important or that we can contribute to other people is by doing everything that they want the third thing we want to look out for is self-blame now this is a common experience for i think most people there's been times in our lives where we have blamed ourselves for things that were not our faults and that's okay the difference now with folks who have quite bpd is that this is almost the go-to immediate response it's also done in a much more extreme and maladaptive way meaning that they will often take responsibility for things that are not their fault and then they will ruminate on how bad they are they will feel a lot of shame and guilt and self-hatred and self-loathing feelings of being unworthy and really feeling fundamentally as if everything was their fault this is really dangerous because if you have quite ppd and you're in a relationship with someone who is toxic you will have a tendency to take a blame for everything when really it's not your fault and this just adds to this layer of feeling inadequate and not good enough another good indication that my point towards having quite bpd is fearing emotional intimacy as well as abandonment now for folks who have quiet bpd they often feel unworthy and undeserving and so it makes it really really difficult to get intimate on emotional levels with others because this means that if someone gets close to me then they can leave me and abandon me and that's unbearable so it makes it really difficult to maintain healthy and sustainable relationships because we have this tendency of being afraid of them so we'll often see this push-pull of i'm really invested in you and i want this but then when the other person seems to get too close to us we push them away out of fear that if they truly see us for what we are for our symptoms and our behaviors they're going to find out how terrible we are and then leave us so it's almost like a safety mechanism that when someone gets too close to us we push them away because at least that gives us the control and we were the ones who said i'm going to leave you so you're not abandoning me the fifth indication is suppressing emotions now folks with quiet bpd especially those who live childhood trauma hiding feelings was really the way that they learned how to survive when they were younger this is definitely true for myself i because of internalized things that i saw from my family and such i grew up with the belief that people were already going through a difficult time and so if i added my needs and wants and negative emotions to that mix then i would be a burden to other people so it only felt acceptable to show up when i was in good spirits when i was happy and this may be true for you as well it may only feel safe to show up as the best version of yourself and it might feel more comfortable and normal to hide the pain from everyone else folks with quiet bpd not only have a tendency to suppress emotions but they also have a difficult time understanding them so oftentimes if you feel overwhelmed and someone is asking you what's wrong you might not be able to even pinpoint what it is that's actually going on we often see this confusion between sadness and anger when someone is angry they will be crying because as children we learn that if i want attention when i'm angry the way to do it is to scream and cry and be upset and so we confuse emotions together and as adults that means that we don't understand what's going on within ourselves we have weird physiological cues that don't match our internal state and on top of that we're suppressing everything down to appear as if we don't need anyone's help we don't want to be a burden we can only be this perfect version of ourselves the final clue for pinpointing quiet bpd would be to be high functioning now this is not true for everyone okay but for a lot of folks who do have quad bpd we do have this tendency to be high functioning meaning that you're able to hold down a job to entertain normal social interactions with people and for those who engage with you they might not realize that there's anything going on so think about why bpd almost as if you're wearing a mask so when you go to work you put on your mask and you're normal and happy and sociable and when you come home you can finally take off this mask and you might crash into pure exhaustion anxiety depression so it's really only when you're alone that all of these feelings and emotions will resurface but we're really really good at hiding those things and leaving our mask of perfection because this is what we present to the world we present the best versions of ourselves this person who is a high achiever a go-getter and the reason being is that oftentimes as children we were praised for those things which is not a bad thing so you may have been told by your parents i'm proud of you for being so intelligent for working so hard or for having so many friends and playing in all these different sports and so we try to maintain this image of perfection of external validation as adults as our bpd mask and then when we're at home we can take this off and we feel mentally depleted so if you associate to anything that i was saying about being high functioning then that might be an indication that you do in fact have quite bpd i do want to point out the fact and i want you to be very careful with all this information that if you want a proper diagnosis you really need to go consult with a licensed mental health professional these are indications or clues that might give you information as to how you're feeling inside but even if you relate to all of them it does not mean for a fact that you do have borderline personality disorder it's a very complex disorder you need to consider the intensity to which you're feeling these things the effect that they have in different circles of your life so your work life your personal life your relationships your perception of yourself there's a lot of different factors that go into being able to receive a diagnosis and so although this information is wonderful and can give you a lot of insight please if you're really looking for diagnosis go get the appropriate help that you need on that note i do hope that you found this video useful and i would love you to leave me a comment down below to let me know what you liked if you relate to any of the things that i was talking about and what you would like to see more of on my channel thank you so much for being here with me today and i will see you back here next time for another episode of on the line

Channel: On the Line

Views: 49,278

Keywords: #quietbpd, #borderlinepersonalitydisorder, #bpd

Id: 6D9xOpPNnGU

Length: 11min 35sec (695 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 21 2022