What Dirty Secret Are You Proud Of? (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories)

what is your NSFW secret nod you are proud of my gf put a grapefruit on my Wang once I have to delete this before she sees it my first [ __ ] was from two girls at the same time I think I set the bar a little too high a little too early I once had to call into court as a witness for an altercation that happened at my work I was placed under oath over the phone my girlfriend at the time blew me the entire time I rode a bike for a 40 mile journey on LSD in Tokyo during the height of cherry blossom season a few times a year I translate hunt a [ __ ] more than n so that other people can enjoy the story too sorry for my bad english it's my second language not sure if this fits here not proud of the moment but I am proud of the result me and my wife had kids and decided that fast was enough children we got married after the kids were born and went on a honeymoon we got drunk and had sex without protection the next day we panicked a bit and went to a drug shop and got a regret pill my wife took it at the hotel room crisis cancelled after this we thought nothing about it and continued with the honeymoon like half an hour later gave me a [ __ ] she never ever gives me [ __ ] s as she chokes easily so this was a real treat for me when I came I came hard and the cam shot landed at the back of her moth and she pukes all over the floor and my D we laughed it off and joked about it for the rest of the vacation a few weeks after when we came home she did not get her period we got anxious and it turned out she was pregnant the only time we had six without protection was at that hotel room and she puked after the [ __ ] she must have puked out the pill as well so now we have three kids the youngest is as amazing as the other two and I am proud to have him but he must never ever find out how he was conceived I once farted as I got on a packed train in London Anil it was a colour but played it cool the doors closed behind me and 10 seconds later a girl sitting next to her boyfriend hits him and shouts you're disgusting I once made my college girlfriend scream so much and so loud during an orgasm that her downstairs neighbor a kind elderly woman came upstairs rapped on the door and insisted that if she didn't hear my GFC mediately she was gonna call the cops we both lay in bed laughing as my GF reassured her that she was quite well thank you after that she tended to cram a pillow or stuffed animal in her mouth to muffle the sound effects law the first time I came home on leave from the Army I hadn't seen my wife in seven months we stayed at my parents house she had moved in with her mother in that time to save money my parents went out the first night we were there to see a movie without us in a kind of wink wink nod nod situation I had been in an incredibly stressful environment for seven months without seeing my wife it was also now highly physically fit I ducked that girl so hard I broke my cherry wood bed frame and the bed collapsed underneath us I was pretty busy that weekend forgot to fix it before I left for Germany the first phone call to my dad he said oh yeah laughing I fixed your bed frame for you I don't know what you did to that poor girl but I hope she's all right more laughing in high school my girlfriend blew me in her church's storage room in front of a big statue of Jesus the Lord was kind that day I used to have bulimia and after years of self induced vomiting have no gag reflex whatsoever seriously when I get with a guy and he finds that out the reaction is priceless Astrid it's like this always makes me wonder if I just have an exceedingly boring life or if people are just phenomenal Liars when I was in college I lived in a dorm that had a pool table room one night I was drunk with my then-boyfriend and we stumbled in there at around 3 a.m. to have a sex we ended up stripping down totally not really caring about our nudity since the dorm was dead that night while we were doing the deed we ended up on the ground of the non door facing side of the table and almost immediately someone opens the door and turns the light on and I freeze I turn my head to look under the table and see their feet freeze as they see our clothes scattered everywhere not a noise was made no one moved complete awkwardness for what felt like forever a cur about seven seconds the other guy just turned the light off and backed out and we never got caught edit okay we got caught obviously but I'm all meant that they never found out who we were trust me we would have heard it from someone in the dorm I'm currently in a friends-with-benefits situation with one of my senior manager it started with a drunken night out and now we ducked pretty much every day it's quite awkward in the office because she is my boss's boss and during our business review meetings my face goes red when she asks me something my ex kisses the guy she left me for with the same tongue she used to stick up my ass it's a secret pride that makes me happy my bed is broken from having sex it was already a little broken before from something else but recently in the middle of fun time my bed caved in it was hilarious but at the same time it scared the it out of me I knotted in November I can duck a girl while holy supporting her with my arms I used to be overweight and pretty weak so I'm pretty proud of this and have no one to tell I rule without coming off like a douche once I hung a poster by standing on a roll each ere i fingered my gf while we were in a bus the bus was quite full and she was the one who dared me to try something naughty and she almost got us caught too I masturbated and finished seven times in a day once picked up a hooker at a bar didn't pay didn't get robbed same story again with another one except she didn't want to use a condom so I for the first time say no to sex a once went bowling with two other couples and my own gf so three guys three girls including me and my GF at the time I had slept with all three girls there I've been part of a threesome so that's neat I'm not only really good at giving [ __ ] but I really enjoy it as well I love pleasing my partner I can also orgasm without even touching myself and I have a very high six drive I'd be happy to have a six give [ __ ] every single day a once fisted two guys at the same time it's not even a turn-on for me but I was drunk as duck and after a night out a friend asked me to go to this sex dungeon I was wandering around the rooms and stumbled on two guys with their asses in the air When in Rome a I once shagged a girl who worked in post-delivery while I was signing the delivery she said something in my house smelled nice I had just made coffee and wanted to offer her a cab so I said I know you want to come in which she did she grabbed my crotch within 10 seconds and then my brain went duck it let's do this I guess she didn't get to drinking any coffee though got a hand job from my GF while her parents were driving us back from Disney World I've had six with a few porn stars a couple of them two escorting at a relatively acceptable price and a few years ago I decided to indulge I don't know how to describe it best experience in my entire life they literally made me discover a new level of pleasure in six I'm a pretty vanilla guy didn't do anything out of the ordinary with them but holy crap this is something I obviously won't talk about in public but it rocked my life in so many ways an incredible experience for sure was offered analysis by a sales rep who looked like thin Jessica Simpson and turned her down because I had recently started dating the woman who would be my wife kissed me in front of the whole bar bit my ducking lip and when I pulled her out of there to talk her down she grabbed my junk and told me where she'd like to put it stayed true to my girl buried her and we're celebrating our sixth anniversary this year I used to give my ex orgasms so hard that she would pass out for up to two minutes or so mid-coitus Feld Goodman the other night this guy I am seeing and I had such greet six that after we climaxed at the end we literally fell asleep right away I woke up an hour later literally still on top of him I thought that was just something that happened in it romance novels five years three months cleaned from heroine today I put a miniature top hat on my erect D and snapped a photo with the disposable camera that my platoon sergeant left in the Humvee for then what is your NSFW secret woohoo my time to contribute has come more than that you are proud I guess I'll just read the comments this time had the best six to date when a friend of mine said he'd give me a ride home after a long day of work the car ride was long but immensely fun because of our playful bantering we swap had six stories and I could count on having a great conversation with him because of our common interests he came inside my small apartment and one thing lead to another basically we went a few rounds tried many positions that had me bending in awkward angles but felt really good and we eventually moved my mattress so much that it flipped on us oh and during his more upper goes we broke my curtain rod he also enjoyed my impromptu twerking during doggy which I had never done before but felt so damn good so planned to do again also learned that like good squirt that day all in all it was an amazing night I didn't wear my hard hat and high-vis jacket around a construction site for a whole day it was very unsafe for work I once fingered a chick on the beach without even talking to her I just looked at her he sort of nodded we started kissing i fingered her she grabbed my [ __ ] and started rubbing then we parted ways after three minutes or so if you are out there unidentified beach girl from 1996 I thank you I had a threesome where all parties involved were actually attracted to one another my high school girlfriend cheated on me the night everything came to light everyone hated her for it ended up sleeping with her sister and her two best friends separately over the course of about 12 hours today I was on a date with a girl probably out of my league we eventually made it to a park and strolled onto a small bridge there was a rushing stream below us and it was nighttime so no one was there next to us hearing all the water below really made me have to pee like really bad so as both of us were leaning over the rail watching the stream I quietly unzip and whip out my willy I pee down a support to minimize the splashing the relief I felt was orgasmic eight stroke ten would do again I'm really good at unhooking bras with one hand although weirdly it has to be with my non-dominant hand at one point in the year after my divorce I had enough invitations from women I knew I could have filled an entire week with nightly hookups two were married friends of me and my ex three were friends of theirs that they had told about me one was a cashier from work who was half my age the other one escapes me but I believe it was someone who was at a party who basically told me to hit her up on FB edit the vasectomy that in the clear provenance were total green flags apparently I once went to dinner where the girl I was dating at the time and her mom the restaurant was packed we ended up taking one of the last available tables i fingered the girl under the table pretty sure the mum knew as the girl dropped her silverware twice and kicked the table once she was trying her best not to make a sound but let out a slight peeper couple times the first time the mum looked at her confused then kind of looked at me and I shrugged unassumingly the second time the mom cut her eyes sharp at her and looked at me and kind of grinned and I sort of let a little bit of a grin slip back at her she never said anything about it but I'm pretty sure she knew what was going on edit just want to point out this is a true story on our honeymoon my wife gave me a [ __ ] while I was standing at the window to our hotel room looking out over Niagara Falls Canadian side to this day I'm proud to say that I've received a bj while looking down on one of the natural wonders of the world yet for those suggesting that I add the remaining natural wonders to my bucket list I'm afraid I have to disappoint you about with cancer and complications from a 22-hour surgery to remove the tumor has resulted in some plumbing problems among which are inability to get an erection so while I have some very nice memories oh six that's about it there won't be any new ones anytime soon got my D sucked dry by a girl within ten minutes of ducking meeting her I don't know how I did it but I've only told one friend would like to tell more people friends but idk if they'd believe something so random edit love I didn't even get her name or number this happened recently and I'm still kicking myself for it no mayo after being an a miserable monogamous relationship for the entirety of my adult life I am finally with someone who is more sexually compatible with me two weeks ago one of her close friends who she had hooked up with in the past came over and we had a great night out dancing when we got home my gf crashed but how I wanted to dark so I asked my gf if she would be okay if I had sex with her friend she said go for it so I did and her friend and I had some Osama sex the following day the two of them were discussing it and they both agree I am great in bed this is a big confidence booster for me because the woman I was previously with for 12 years was very sexually repressed and we would have a 6-1 7-6 months and she was then only person I had ever had sex with idk it's hard to explain in text but I feel more sexually liberated and as a result happier than I ever have in my life I've been wanting to tell someone but no one in real life wants to hear about all the Osama vi you're having and no one on the internet ever believes you when you talk about it and it's not that I want to brag or anything I'm just so happy and I wish I could express that happiness to people in high school me and my best friend challenge a girl to a competition on who could come the most in one day using an honor system I lost at seven times buddy got to 11 and she beat us both at 26 to this day I regret not stating in the rules no vibrators allowed i ducked my then girlfriend now wife on the conference room table of an old job one night boss held the training class and there the next day edit I am so very thankful that to my knowledge none of my family or friends are on reddit my wife would be horrified to know thousands of people had seen this post my wife and I put a penny in a bank every time we have a six I know the exact number of times I've had six in my life because I've only ever had six with my wife I have a wheat penne tattoo on my right leg that I got on our anniversary I think six year we also know how many times it took to conceive our two kids because we used Nikolas for one and dimes for the other we count pennies every anniversary and write down totals and average for the year some people know this story including friends at work but it's not something I'd say is 100% safe for work got together with a girl who was also in second year at university with me it was pretty carnal we were really attracted to one another and hooked up often and aggressively it was hot anyway one of the first few times we got together she invited me over I went into her room and she had a red chere satin sheets thrown over her lampshade casting a red hue to the room she had high thread count Egyptian cotton sheets and tons of pillows on her bed she also had beside the bed a bowl of mixed fruit we made duck and afterwards I lay back in the afterglow of Essex onto a mountain of pillows with her draped naked across me laying on my chest amidst expensive cotton sheets and she began to ducking feed me fruit from the fruit bowl like actually holding cherries up for me to bite off the stem I felt like a ducking Sultan it was amazing [Music] you [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Avengers

Views: 290,298

Rating: 4.9394603 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, askreddit, top posts, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, subreddit, reddit stories, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, askreddit new, askreddit stories, reddit story, story, stories, askreddit funny, reddit best, funny posts, funny, funny askreddit, r/, best posts, reddit funny, sub, people, funny stories, memes, Cowbelly, Updoot, ToadFilms, storytime with reddit, sir reddit, planet reddit

Id: OfoUrCAk7lU

Length: 17min 50sec (1070 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 12 2020