Welcome to Sad Boyz, a podcast
about feelings and other things also. - I'm Jarvis.
- Howdy. (whip-crack) I'm Jordan. What's up [redacted]? I'm Ted. - [JARVIS] Whoooo!
- Heeeey! A guest that introduced himself.
No one's ever done that. - Really?
- Yeah, I'm actually glad you're the first. We need to cut it, actually. I mean, you've got, like, some of those guys coming on that are not - seasoned professionals of podcasting.
- True. You've got virgins like Eddy Burback. - Yeah, exactly.
- And virgins like Drew Gooden, and virgins like Kurtis Conner. Well, Drew's – they're not
virgins anymore. They got married. - They got married.
- It's Eddy that's a virgin still. - They're virgins.
- Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. - Hell yeah, bro.
- Let's kill 'em. [JARVIS] We got Ted – - (Jordan & Ted struggling)
- We got Ted Nivison here. - [JORDAN] You can cut it out, but I won.
- I – one time in my life, I said, uh, "Ted Ni-vision"
out loud, and - I think about it every time I say it.
- You do? I think I said it on stream,
and then people corrected me. 'Cause I think it was maybe
you had sent me merch, - which I'm, by the way, shoutout.
- He's wearing it right now. I actually haven't even got this.
The version that I have is like, uh, is like a really crispy, not-real version - of the actual cloth that they use.
- I know what you mean. Um, but yeah. I mean, I... I get... the thing I get
from people the most is they're like, "Yeah, for the longest time,
I thought that your name was a play on 'television.'" It would be a good play. - I suppose –
- And you're not tempted at all? What do you mean, "tempted"? - Use the brand, like a Tosh.0.
- To use the brand. Tednivision. - Well, uh, "Turn on the Tednivision."
- I feel like that would just... Like... It would curse me to a life of not - having my name pronounced correctly.
- No one would say it right. It'd be like, uh, Pokimane. - It's like, uh, Imane,
- Yeah, 'cause her name – and that was the joke, 'cause it's Pokémon. - What about if you –
- Yeah, exactly. - And they just say – yeah.
- [TED] She's told me that. You could open every
single video being like, "Do not adjust your Tednivision," you know? - Yeah.
- Pretty good. "Everyone turn on your Tednivisions." - Yeah.
- Yeah. You should do it now. - I don't know if I want that.
- Everyone press Alt+F4 on your computadora. You're gonna lose a lot of
retention if you do that. - Wait, hold on. I didn't think it through.
- "Fire awa – ugh!" There's a drop-off directly. Ted's here to join us today. We, uh, in typical Sad Boyz fashion, before the pod, started talking about filling prescriptions. On ADHD meds. Of ADHD meds. So we can resume that now. This is essentially our
version of Bible study. Yeah, we are all ADHD-havers. - Uh, Ted is an Adderall boy. And you've –
- [TED] I'm not. You were. You were Concerta. I'm so sorry. - [TED] It's OK.
- I knew it was Concerta. - Hey. No, you're all right.
- I knew it was Concerta. - You're all right, baby boy.
- I corrected myself. - And we know it's Ted Nivison.
- Um... - Yeah, it is Ted Nivison.
- And, uh – Well, no. So, you, uh... So, we were both diagnosed as adults, and you were diagnosed very young. Yeah, I was diagnosed when I was 13. - And you've been going straight.
- That's how much of a problem I was for my parents. They were like, "We will pay..." I think they paid, like, a couple grand or something to have me go and get tested. - I remember taking a day off of school,
- Right. and then... like, we
started in the morning, and then I got to go get lunch. And I remember going and getting
mozzarella sticks somewhere. - I'm a fucking slut for mozzarella sticks.
- Dude, mozzarella sticks bang. I've always liked
mozzarella sticks, and, like... Eddy can attest to this, because he was with me for
an extended period of time going to places that just had
normal Americanized food, - Yeah.
- [TED] twice, and both times I would... Actually, Margaritaville
didn't have mozzarella sticks, but I would very frequently order
mozzarella sticks at Rainforest Cafe. I would do the same. I used to, um... I used to eat... Uh, I think a lot of people would, um, relate to this. But, you know, growing up, I, uh, I didn't grow up with a lot of means, and my... You didn't grow up with a lot of memes? Not a lot of memes, nor means. And my aunt, who was my
legal guardian at the time, we would just go to Save-A-Lot, the, uh, the grocery store, and would get frozen stuff that we could put in the oven. And – Did you ever get the TGI
Fridays mozzarella sticks? Those – what's so funny
is, even to this day, things like that - are like high-end in my brain,
- [TED] Really? because we would get the, like, - cheaper generic.
- Oh, like the Signature Select kinda...? - Yeah.
- [TED] I remember getting those. I don't even remember
what the Save-A-Lot – 'cause Save-A-Lot would be like... it was almost like an outlet store grocery store, where sometimes they would
have brand-name stuff, - but it wasn't always.
- Like a TJ Maxx for mozzarella sticks? Yeah, where I remember – I think Banquet was something I did get, the red box of buffalo chicken tenders. I know exactly what you're talking – Like, it's got cursive
writing as the Banquet thing? I think, yeah. But then mozzarella sticks
would be like a nice treat. I think there was an orange box of mozzarella sticks. I think it was a generic brand. And they, by all accounts, - were not good, you know?
- [TED] Good? Yeah. But they were so, like, - amazing in my head.
- Yeah. It's like the trashy food that
you eat that you still glorify. Yeah. There's something about
the difference between, like, the homemade, like, uh, heatable mozzarella sticks - that has kind of a different charm to it,
- Yeah. because half the time they
would always kinda burst out. Like, the cheese would
burst out and crisp up - and create like a little landing.
- Every single time! The amount of times – and if you, as a mozzarella
stick connoisseur, you know this. The amount of times I would
pull the thing out of the oven and all of the cheese of every single one
of the mozzarella sticks was on the side, - and they were just little breaded husks.
- Yeah. - Empty breaded husks.
- Unfortunately, yes. It's happened many a time. - Like a crème brûlée?
- Getting one that was actually intact - and had the cheese, that was like...
- Yeah. It was like a treat. - Oh, your honor. Jeez.
- It was like getting a shiny from an egg. Yeah, which is funny, 'cause you'd expect
that they'd all, you know... - That's how, theoretically, it works.
- Theoretically. But, you know, those ones
were – that was the true... - That was our true god.
- I think there's something kind of, uh, exciting as a kid. I didn't grow up with a microwave. I
don't know if anybody uses those for those. But having, like, a 20-minute wait on some
Iceland brand's own nuggets, the anticipation you'd be able to
build – 20 minutes is a year as a kid. If anything, like, that probably maybe –
'cause microwaves, I mean... I don't use microwaves that often. Like, as I got older, it was like – I had a microwave when I was a kid, and we would, you know, heat stuff up. But then the adult option eventually became "heat it up in the oven, because you retain crispness. - You don't get flop."
- Right. I think that there's – So, I used a mic – I mean... I microwave a reasonable
amount for reheating, 'cause sometimes I'm just too impatient - for the oven option.
- [TED] Yes. And there is an art to microwaving. The amount of, like, little
tips and tricks that you can do - with paper towels and water and
- [TED] Yeah. putting a cup of water - in the microwave.
- [TED] Putting an ice cube in it. Yeah, or, uh, reheating pizza by putting a
wet paper towel over the pizza. - That's one of my favorites.
- I haven't heard of that. - That one's good.
- You gotta keep your hand in there to make sure that it doesn't get too moist. You gotta jury-rig it so
you can watch it closely without having the door in front, so you can make sure it's... The, uh – but... We were talking about, um... I don't
know how we got on mozzarella sticks. - We were talking about Concerta.
- We were talking about, um... You were 13. You had mozzarella sticks when you took the day off
school to get your evaluation. You were self-medicating
with mozzarella sticks. Yeah. I don't know how
it was for you guys, too, but I remember when I was
getting actually tested for it they would put, uh, a page in front of me and it would be like
black-and-white lettering. It would, like, be a bunch of, like, letter – like, words that are colors. - And – or actually, no –
- Oh, it would be like blue text, - but it says "red"?
- A "sloop" test, I believe. - [TED] Is that what it's called?
- [JORDAN] I think so. Yeah, so the first time through
it'd be like, "Read the word." I'd be like, "OK." And then the second time
through it'd be like, "Read the color." Reading the color one
was definitely harder, because you'd be looking
at "green" and it's red, - and have to say "red."
- Yeah. [JORDAN] And they laugh
if you get it wrong. - They did, yeah, and then –
- Yeah. - They pointed.
- Every time I got one wrong, they had this big red
button. They'd hit it and it would go (loud buzzer). - Yeah. It was awful.
- I don't think this was a test. It was like a "that was easy" button, but it goes "that was hard." "Um, OK." Yeah, and every time I got it
wrong they would go (buzzer), and then they had another Staples button
where it would say, "You're an idiot." - Yeah, you don't have ADHD.
- "Dumb, dumb, dumb." - "Dumb, dumb."
- "What the hell?" Yeah, but then I... Getting diagnosed for ADHD
was very helpful for me, 'cause I was unable to do school properly. So it definitely kind of changed
the trajectory of my academic life. [TED] Not, like, to the point where
I was actually doing really well, but I probably jumped a full GPA point. - Like, one.
- Yeah. Like, one GPA I probably jumped. But before we get into that, we have
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for sponsoring this video. Now back to the podcast, where – I don't know where Jordan went.
Jordan is not aquí, if you know what I'm saying. You know how some people
are good test takers? - Mmhmm.
- I was a good test taker, and I didn't do any homework or anything. And I scooted by on, like, being nice. Like, I think I was like
a teacher's pet or whatever, or just compared to
the other kids around me - was relatively polite.
- Yeah. And so I think that
they just gave me a pass. Like, "I don't know. He's doing
good on the tests." 'Cause... "He's not making - my daily life miserable."
- My desk at my – 'Cause in elementary school, we had permanent desks, where it was always mine. And so it was like a locker-type thing. Was it one of those
where it had that sort of weird ceramic top and then
they had a little curved thing? - Yes, it was like a metallic little cubby.
- Yeah. - Did it...?
- No. No, it was just like – - It was kinda open-faced.
- It was an open-faced cubby. - Open-faced locker cubby thing.
- Very artisanal, yeah. - And, uh...
- Crumbs are getting in there and stuff. Mine was full of
homework that I didn't do. - Really?
- Yeah, and that was – - You fucking idiot.
- No, that was – - You fucking dumbass.
- But it was one of those things where, uh, I think that I lucked out in such a significant way because there wasn't... I think for younger people – - were you hyperactive ADHD?
- Oh, yeah. - [JORDAN] Physically active.
- I can remember one time... Uh, I think it was like in sixth grade. The teacher was like, "Hey, Ted,
can you go turn on the light?" And I was like, "Sure.
I can turn on the light." And I go over to the light, and I go... And I announced it. I was like
a little class clown-y, but annoying. I would be like, "Let there be light!"
And I turned on the light. - That crushed, I bet.
- I remember the teacher pulled me aside, like, "Hey, so when I
ask you to turn on a light, can you not make a huge fucking
deal out of it? Just, like, do it?" [TED] I remember doing it
next time; they were like, "Thank you for doing it normally,"
I remember they said to me. "Ted, I just wanted to let
you know, that fucking crushed. - That was really sick."
- "That was actually sick." - "You could teach me to be funny."
- "I actually am, uh, I'm actually playing Madison Square Garden
next weekend, if you could open for me." That was a classic Tednivision moment. Another thing I had, too, I remember, um... Like, one of the teachers
I had in elementary school – I had a weird elementary school. We
called our teachers by their first names. - Whoooooa.
- Yeah, and art class was called "sloyd." - Uh, which is like –
- Wait, your class wasn't called your class? No, no. Like, when we went to art period, like we had an art period
on Tuesdays, I think, um, and it wasn't called, like, "art time" or "art class."
It was called sloyd. - S-L-O-Y-D, which is like –
- I don't think you went to school. - I think you just went to a place.
- No, during the week, you'd have a music class you'd go to on - Wednesday sometimes, like during the day.
- Sloyd. I can't remember my schedule back then. I remember Wednesdays, I knew it was music. - Yours was like a year ago.
- But, OK, so sloyd, - what was sloyd?
- Sloyd is like... I looked it up at one point. It wasn't exactly what sloyd was. It was kind of an adjustment to it. But it was basically like, um... Like, we did woodworking
in elementary school. - Whoa.
- Is it a acronym for something? "SLOYD"? - Um, it's like a Swedish or some sort of –
- [JARVIS & JORDAN] Ohhh. [TED] It was some sort of,
like, word that was not, uh... I don't know. But it was basically like an education technique that was coined by some guy up there. - Oh, yeah.
- And it was, like, about teaching kids how to do woodwork - when they're young and stuff.
- Oh, wow. But yeah, we also called our teacher – I would say that going
to that elementary school, my parents wanting me to go there, was
helpful for me developing who I was, because it was like... Yes, you called the teachers by their first
names, but also there was a lot of, like – It was a public school, too.
It wasn't a private school or anything. But it was just like
the weird public school, 'cause in the district there was like five
elementary schools you could go to, and you would enter into a
lottery and choose your top ones, and you would go to the one
that you ended up at. Um, and that one just had
a focus on art and stuff, and it also had, like, um... like, a high sort of capacity for, um, supporting special-needs kids and stuff. So you could also go and, like – So, I feel like I also
worked a lot with, like... I learned a lot about
special-needs kids and stuff. But I also grew up with a cousin who
had cerebral palsy, too. So, I don't know. I feel like going to that school, like, - helped me kind of become
- Yeah. like, the person that I am
today in terms of, like, being aware of – being into art and stuff, but also like being aware
of different people. - Different people.
- Maybe a bit more accepting of - a diagnosis, for example.
- Yeah. Yeah, it was just kind of... But, oh, what I was gonna
say is the teacher that... One of the ones that figured
out how to deal with me, when I was a kid I had a really hard – I don't know if this was the same for you,
but I had a hard time with transitions. - Mm.
- So, if I'm really into doing something, - like K'Nex – do you remember K'Nex?
- Yes. Also, this is a very ADHD thing. - Yeah.
- The context-shifting, or the... - Yeah.
- What's the word? - I guess it would be that.
- Yeah, or like transitioning - from one thing to another.
- It was really stressful to finish lunch - and go back to class.
- Yeah, 'cause you're just into what you're doing. - And I remember that –
- It's hard for me today, by the way. - Yeah. Honestly, same.
- To, like, change what I'm doing. When we go, he will be sat here
on the couch with a microphone. I definitely don't get, like, upset. I think I used to get upset about it
when I was a kid, though. And I remember the teacher,
the way they solved it was that they were like... I went by "Teddy" when
I was in elementary school. - Awww.
- They go, "All right, Teddy, you're..." They made me in charge of
letting everyone else know that it was time to change, so it kinda gave me agency in a way over that transition, which I thought was
really, uh, I guess helpful - for that teacher to do that.
- That's cool. I think it's awesome that... I had a similar experience with, like, people almost taking me
under their wing a little bit. - Yeah.
- They didn't owe me anything, but just like teachers who kind of guided me
on the right path, because I, at home – This is no, like... I just – my family life, there wasn't that guidance, because no one, like, sort of academically knew what was - gonna set me up for success.
- Yeah. Um, I may have said this
before, but it's so funny. Uh, so in the, uh... There's like a... I don't agree with the terminology, but people know the
"gifted kid" stuff here, where it's like "gifted"? I don't remember – like... I don't know if we had that
when I was younger. But I definitely know. I've heard about
it a lot, like "gifted children" thing. I don't even know what people's opinion is
on it, like if it was a good thing or bad. Is that synonymous with, uh, like AP? Well, in elementary school, it's like, I just got taken out of class - and went to a special math class.
- I see. OK. But then that was a thing – It kinda created this
two-class system in the school, where, like... I was also made fun of and bullied - for being a gifted kid and stuff.
- [TED] What the fuck? But that's whatever. I also looked weird. So the, um – And I had a gap in my teeth,
so there was lots of stuff to make fun of. Uh, I had a caesarean-section scar - and a buzz cut –
- [TED] What is that? C-section, you know, - when you're born out of –
- Oh. Uh, yeah, so I was born via C-section, and so I have a scar to this day
at the top of my head and a little bald spot from, like, uh, some sort of complication. - Your hair was short enough –
- My hair was short, so people would make fun of me for that. - What the fuck?
- There was a lot to make fun of. - Just from every angle.
- Yeah. I also had a lot of allergies, My nose was always running, so
people made fun of me for that. - But anyway – they didn't –
- [TED] What the fuck? - I'm sorry.
- It's fine. They didn't have to make fun of me
for the "gifted class," quote-unquote. But the teacher of the class – It was taught by these two Scottish ladies named Dr. Gottesman and Mrs. Schmidt. And they were awesome, because they were the ones who were telling me, "You should go to this middle school. You have to apply for it
and write a little essay, but I think you should do it."
I was like, "OK. I'll do that." 'Cause who else was gonna tell me? - [TED] Right, yeah.
- You know? And then I ended up – You know, one of my, um... my best friends from childhood, my friend Russell, who I met when I was 11 in middle school, um, his family became like a second family to me. Uh, and they're all amazing. But one day I was at
his house, as I often was, and I found out that, like, Dr. Gottesman was like his SAT tutor. And I was like, "Whoa, that was
my math teacher in elementary school!" - "That's my hero!"
- [TED] "They knew higher than - elementary-level math?"
- But also, they would always go back to, like, Scotland and
they would bring sweets and stuff. - Oh, did they bring shortbread?
- [JORDAN] Black pudding? A lot of it was, uh, taffy. - [TED] Taffy?
- And I was like, "Why are they bringing...?"
Like, "Where did you get this?" Is that a thing? I don't know if it was
from Scotland or whatever, 'cause they did bring other treats. Specifically, there was a lot of talk - about saltwater taffy.
- Mmhmm. And I'm like, where does saltwater
taffy come from? I thought that was... I feel like saltwater taffy
comes from any vacation spot. - Yeah.
- I mean, they are coastal. Across the board, there's
always saltwater taffy. But anyway, shoutout to... It just made me think about, like... I'm like, man, do teachers...? Teachers, who have such a important impact on people's lives, having to supplement their
income with private tutoring also, I'm like... you know, in retrospect you contextualize all these things; you're
like, "We need to pay teachers more." And having, like, a
national level of disrespect, especially when they teach elementary, like, "Oh, not sharp enough, huh?" Like, the more I think about, like... I guess as I'm getting older
I often think about, like, like, what's the lore of my life, in terms of how did I end up the way...? I don't know if I would have
ended up being into YouTube or, like, into any sort of, like, computer-based stuff
around editing and stuff if my dad didn't – Like, when I was a kid, I was like, I really wanted a laptop to be able to play Minecraft on. And my dad was like, "No,
what we're gonna do is –" 'Cause my dad is, um... He is like a project manager and works from home on his computer a lot, and he went to school for computer science. - So he knows about computers.
- [JORDAN] Loser. - Hey.
- [TED] Um... And he was like, "No, you're not gonna get
a laptop. We're gonna build a computer." - Mmhmm. Nice.
- So, like, it was that sort of involvement from my dad of, like,
"This is the route you wanna go." It's very interesting how people – - No one is just the product of themselves.
- No. Everyone is the product of, like, you know, society and the people who
raised you and stuff. So, like – And your expectations for
yourself are reflective of that. - Yeah.
- You set standards based on what X person said you should be, regardless of them not being an authority. - Yeah.
- Kids I knew that were the same age as me that were like, "This is what
it means to be a grown-up." I was able to get a, um, a really old... Like, I haven't seen a computer
like this in such a long time, but you know how, uh, we call, like, a tower PC a tower PC? Well, the opposite of that is like... - [TED] A side PC?
- A computer that sits down like this. - Landscape.
- And I had one, like this old tan – - I think we got it either –
- Oh, like off-white? Yeah, off-white. My aunt
worked at a nursing home, so it was either something
that they were... It was so old. Like, it only took floppy disks. I think I know what you're talking about.
Did you put the monitor on top of it? Yeah, a lot of people would, 'cause, uh – even though the monitors
were super fucking huge and weighed – like, heavy – Yeah, 'cause the plastic around
these things was like this thick. Yeah, and it was like metal, I think. I don't remember. But the... It was, like, so – I don't even think it ran, like... Maybe it ran Windows '98. Maybe. But I remember installing – My aunt, when she
got a computer at her house, I remember installing Windows – The thing about technology,
and I keep talking, uh, and I have questions for you. But, um... The one thing I wanted to say was, uh, the people around me kind of gave me... They knew that I liked to
tinker and play with stuff, so they would always give me... Even though we didn't have access to, like, expensive technology, it would be like my great-aunt
was setting up her computer, and then they would have, like,
the eight-year-old installing the OS. - You know?
- That's funny. Because I knew more, I guess, intuitively, to do stuff. I think there's a dismissiveness
that I even have now – I can feel it developing towards, uh, little iterative changes in technology. - [TED] Yeah.
- Like, my mum, people would, like, especially our extended family,
'cause we're, like, very grumpy Northerners, kinda thing. They, a lot of the time, would be like, "Oh, OK. A bigger screen for a computer? They're releasing that now?"
We're talking about, like, a – "You're telling me we're
getting more, uh, real estate?" "500 megabytes of RAM? OK, your majesty, Jesus. "You're telling me it's
gonna take 5 minutes to turn on my computer and not 10?" My mother exclusively worked from home when I was really young, and we would move around a fair bit. So when we finally were staying in one
place for an extended period of time, she was like, "I'm gonna get
a proper computer." This was 2002. - Yeah, and get a computer room.
- Like, computer in the corner of wherever, "and we're gonna use that for work." And I... was obsessed with this PC, to the point where I pretended to like football so that I could play FIFA on it, the only game installed, FIFA '99. And, uh, I would just be like – Did you end up liking football
because of that sort of reinforcement? Uh, super mad – no, at all. It really didn't work. I was, uh... At one point, if you
played the practice mode, one team would be called "attack"
and one would be "defense," and I was under the impression for
years that a team was just called Attack. And I was like "I love ATK." - "That's my favorite."
- That's your Nepec. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Brazil versus, uh, probably Defense, I'd say, is the best. Uh, but that point in time, I was so – I'm actually feeling like Defense
might actually win it this year. Yeah, the World Cup final
between Brazil and Defense. Did you see that ludicrous
display last night from Attack? Yeah, that was crazy. And then trying to do specific names. I named Schumacher once.
He was a famous F1 driver. Yeah, Michael Schumacher? I was like, "Schumacher's
having an incredible season." They were like, "Shut up. We didn't
like you before you said that. - Now we like you less."
- Dude, I remember, like, back in the day when we had a
computer, and it was in the basement, and, like, that was,
like, where you could – Like, I wasn't one of those kids
that had a computer in their room [TED] or something like that.
But the notion of, like, me having a computer in
my room ever when I'm a kid or having a phone before I'm 13 - is just insane to me.
- [JARVIS & JORDAN] Yeah. I was, like, working – I remember the computer was on the floor when I was a kid, and I would lie, like, either crisscross applesauce or, like, on my stomach while, like, noodling on the computer. Dude, TV leant against
the corner in the room, - Family Guy DVD.
- Oh, yeah. What was your guys' first gaming console? Uh, so mine was – Well, real quick, I wanna say that on my
aunt's computer that was like Windows '98, - do you know the game Glover?
- [JORDAN] Yeah. It released on PC and, uh, it's about a hand, or like a ball – I don't even remember now. - There's a ball.
- I don't remember the gameplay. - I just remember him.
- It kinda creeped me out. - Um, but anyway –
- It's haunting. Just the design is creepy. My first game console was – My same aunt that
worked at the nursing home had won, uh, probably, like, shortly after I was born, won a Sega Genesis - in a raffle.
- [TED] Whoa. And it was just in the, uh, in the closet. She won it at a work raffle, - and she was like, "I don't know
how to play a video game." - And so when I was –
- Oh, that's terrifying. - When I was a kid –
- [TED] Terrifying she would never use it. I was like five or six years old;
they were like, "He'll figure it out." And then we brought it out, and then I played Sonic 2
on the Sega Genesis, and that was my first gaming experience. - My first was a Nintendo 64,
- Ooh. 'cause I got it as a
hand-me-down from my cousin. Nice. We, uh – I didn't have one – My friends did and my cousins had a PS2, - which kind of awoke my brain.
- [TED] Whoa. The earliest memory I have is playing, uh, my friend Joel's PS1... Hercules movie tie-in game. - Whoa.
- Which was, now in retrospect – I try and, like, for the most part, shake off nostalgia glasses
when it comes to media. 'Cause then you go back and,
"I still love Friends." And you go back and they're like,
"It's a trans guy. Let's run." You're like, "Jesus, I don't
wanna watch this anymore." I feel that way about, like, Hercules, the movie tie-in game. Like, I'm not going to replay it,
because it is perfect. There's nothing bad about it. It's magic. When I played it as a kid, I'm like, "But I'm moving him." I didn't finish a lot of games
like that when I was a kid. I had Mario 64. For the life of me, could not figure out - how to finish that game. Like,
- Oh, man. I was so dumb as a kid - when it came to video games that, like...
- Yeah. And oftentimes I feel like I would use video games as sort of, like, a platform which existed in a
similar way to, like, action figures, in which I would, like... Especially when games – I remember there was this PS2 game
that was like the Hulk game for PS2. - [JORDAN] Ultimate Destruction?
- Yeah. And you could run around
and throw tanks and stuff. And I remember I would just... I don't even know if
the game had an objective, because in reality, once I was able to just do whatever I wanted, that's all I did. That, um... I remember trying to play – I got a Nintendo 64 late. Uh, and I've probably talked
about this before, but like... - We, uh...
- What year? I don't remember. But... We were also very young,
so it's hard to remember. Yeah, it's hard to remember,
but I remember we - ordered it out of Fingerhut magazine.
- [TED] Try harder. And it was after, I think,
that later in the launch uh, of the Nintendo 64 was when they added the other color versions of the console? - Oh, like the silver one?
- Yeah, like all the see-through plastic. Yeah, I had a green see-through one. So, the green see-through one
was what I wanted, and then my mom ordered it through Fingerhut magazine,
which was like a pay-as-you-go thing where you probably pay like twice as
much, but you get to do monthly payments. - 200% APR.
- And then I didn't put into... Uh, I didn't put into perspective, 'cause I was a kid, how we, like, maybe couldn't afford these things and she was just doing it so that
I had a normal childhood, because when my mom passed, we had, like, a lot of debt from, like, - [TED] Oh, no.
- some of these things. But it's all fine. Um, but we ordered the green one, and then a normal black one came,
and that was heartbreaking. - But – heartbreaking for my little self.
- Yeah, I can imagine. Like, it must have seemed so much less – I mean, the see-through aspect - is, like, pretty dang cool.
- Yeah, it was clout, for sure. But, um, Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, which is still, to this day,
one of my favorite games, uh, and I think has aged really well. I would sit with my friend Malcolm with the, like, game guide open, and we'd be trying to go
through the dungeons. And even with directions
on how to do everything, - we still couldn't do...
- Yeah, no. I, like... I mean, even interfacing
with the controller. - [TED] What?
- With a child brain, interfacing with a controller,
especially an N64 one, which is built for like
tendrils and additional fingers. - Yeah.
- Weirdest design of a controller I've ever seen, but, like... Did anyone use the left – that left? Yeah, what was that for? [TED] Who was it for? Yeah, 'cause you definitely held - the other two sides.
- Yeah, it was definitely like this. You know when you drive a car, you put your left hand on the center. - You put it right on the horn.
- Though I do remember, uh, I didn't get a original Xbox during
its launch window, but – I got a lot of things late,
'cause it was cheaper. - [TED] Yeah.
- And, uh... - Golden GameCube for me.
- Yeah. I got Morrowind for the – I wanna say the original
Xbox during its, like, - Game of the Year edition or whatever?
- [JORDAN] Yeah. Where I think the case was silver. Elder Scrolls III, just to age myself. And, uh, but... Much was said about how bulky the original Xbox controller was. Oh, yeah, it was a grown-up controller. - 'Cause for little kid hands –
- [TED] Oh, the first Xbox. - For kid hands, it wouldn't fit.
- It's the size of a kid's head. So there's even a old, um, Penny Arcade comic from, like, the early 2000s, where
they're sitting on a couch, and behind them is, they say, a regular-size Xbox controller, and it's as big as the
couch, like behind them. I remember thinking, like, "Gaming is for grown-ups now," because I was struggling to hold it with my flimsy little wrists. And it's rounded as well, so it's like it's designed not to hold. Yeah. It was kinda
designed to look like this... Man, Xbox has always had trouble. I learned some stuff, um, recently. Just period.
That's the end of the sentence. - Oh, name one.
- One thing that was interesting was, uh, I watched a video from, um, this creator ManyKudos, uh, about - the red ring of death on Xbox 360s.
- [JORDAN] Oh, yeah. 'Cause I didn't know what caused it. And then I also didn't know... - Did you know –
- [TED] I didn't know either. Well, 'cause it took a long time for it to come out, basically. But, uh, one of the most interesting things about the Xbox 360 production, did you know that their production line had a 50% failure rate? - [JORDAN] Fuck yeah.
- [TED] That's insane. So 50% of the consoles
that were created failed, and they didn't know why. So before sending them out – So, the 5% or whatever – or... 5% failure rate or whatever the red ring of death eventually had, for whatever percentage, was the 50% of consoles that actually worked
off of the production line. And then the other 50% went to this warehouse
they called "the boneyard." And they were trying to figure
out what was wrong with the consoles, and they couldn't figure it out. - Um...
- That seems like the most insane problem that I almost never heard about, 'cause I feel like if
there's issues with consoles or issues with games,
or something like, uh... Like something like the... I don't know. The, um, King Kong game that came out
that, like, fucking blows. - Mm.
- Shit like that, it's like... Or the production problems with the PS5. That's like a big – - Right.
- They were like, "We gotta fix this." That, what you're describing right now, is far bigger than any of those things. But the thing is, like,
that was all secret. That was all hush-hush, because, um... They... So, Microsoft took a lot of Ls, and I think that they
strategically took the correct Ls, because the red ring
of death thing happened, and then – so that
started to develop, like, months after they were already, um, in people's hands, because you had to be turning on and off the console. Allegedly, what the problem was was that, due to some EU regulations with, um, lead in production, uh – like, the amount of lead that can
be in something that you are selling? I don't know. They, uh, had to use a non-lead solder, like for soldering the – Mmhmm.
- the stuff inside of the, um... inside of the casing. And when it was heated and cooled and heated and cooled over,
it would start to crack - 'cause it wasn't as good.
- Jesus. And, um, there are some other things where Microsoft decided to build
their own graphics card, I think in house, rather than, like, subcontracting it out to somebody,
and that could have contributed to it. But, uh, ultimately it, like, came down to the soldering situation where nowadays, I think, um, there's how-tos on how to fix it if you have an old 360, and you can... You can replace parts or redo the thermal paste and stuff - to fix this issue. But...
- [TED] Interesting. Did either of you guys get the red ring of death? I never had the 360. - Oh, really?
- I did get a red – I got an Xbox 360 very late, 'cause they completely won that generation, partially 'cause the
PS3 was so expensive and - hard to develop for.
- That was a huge one, yeah. But they dominated. So, by the time that, like – They really did win that generation. I wanted to play with friends. Then they lost, and they proceeded
to lose every generation after. - Well, so –
- Well, Microsoft also, speaking of getting blocked by the EU, just wrapped up a years-long negotiation to buy Activision because - the EU doesn't like gambling.
- Yeah. So they were like, "No, you can't buy Call of Duty and do that weird shit." There has to be, like,
competitiveness in the market. - Right.
- And they were just like, "...Please?" - "Fucking please?"
- Yeah. - They just said please for years.
- There was an antitrust thing - in the US, too.
- [TED] Yeah. An SEC thing about
approving the merger as well. England tried to save you, but no big deal. Um, the last thing about the Xbox 360 was, um... The thing that saved them, which ended up having
them win the generation, as the story goes, 'cause I don't know
the firsthand details of this, - but as the story goes...
- Was Uno. Was it the Uno Xbox Arcade release? So, um... You seem so confused. There was Uno on every Xbox 360. I do remember that. But, oh yeah, so basically they – About fixing the red ring of death, I don't know if you remember, but if you had the red ring of death you could send it into Microsoft
and they would fix it, free of charge, if it happened within three years of purchase,
or some amount of time. - That's pretty generous.
- It was. So, basically, they had
to go to Steve Ballmer, who at the time was the, uh, CEO of Microsoft. And they had to say, "Hey, if we do this," which, like, "Here's what
we would need to do," and he was like,
"How much is it gonna cost?" and it cost over $1 billion - to do this support thing.
- [TED] Fix the Xboxes? To basically offer to fix any
red ring of death, which is like... Basically ruins their profit in the short term, right? But he said, "Let's do it," and then it ended up, like, generating a lot of
good will with consumers, 'cause instead of feeling like Microsoft
wasn't doing something about it, it felt like they at least were or there was something you could do
if you got the red ring of death. And then, also, it was because it was already such a successful
console in terms of, like, what people were playing and
all of the first-party titles and stuff. That momentum could have been halted if they had a ton of bad blood from, like, not fixing people's
consoles. So, it's interesting. This was at peak console war, so I feel like once you have
some allegiance to either brand you're going to stick with it
for another complete generation. Yeah, I think it was hubris that kind of... It was kind of trading
hubris that fucked, uh, Sony with the PS3 and then fucked Microsoft after the 360. The PS3, they were just like,
"What if it cost more?" [TED] It's insane how little I know about whatever Xbox equivalent
to the PS5 is right now. - Oh.
- Oh, I recently got a Series S, just to try it, if
I could play Game Pass, - kinda chill.
- Uh-huh. First of all, horrific controller. - Oh, really?
- Like, Ouya-level controller. It clicks whenever you use the triggers. - It is shocking.
- Is that the one with the, like, pro controller equivalent - where it costs like $150?
- Yes, the Elite controller. It feels like a trap. - Um...
- Yeah, and then you've got the PS5 controller, where in some instances when you're playing a game, it actually
gives you, like, the feeling of a trigger. Incredible haptic feedback. - Yeah.
- Like, you can feel rain in some games. - [TED] Yeah.
- I was gonna ask you, I genuinely do not know the difference – I know one is lower-end
and one of them's higher-end, but the difference between
the Series S and the Series X. The Series X is the competitor to the PS5, operating at roughly the same level. And then the Series S is the
more competitively-priced one, like much lower, and it maybe is intended for,
like, a more casual position. Some stuff runs great. The issue with the Series S
right now is a lot of developers - literally can't develop for it.
- Mm. [JORDAN] So, like... Baldur's Gate is not out on Xbox because Microsoft right now has... It's a pretty cool policy, but it's just becoming unviable, which is that every single Xbox release has to be available on PC and Series S. - Ahh.
- If it comes out, it has to be across all of their stuff. And, like, Baldur's Gate just can't
have the split-screen that they promise because you can't render that much on it. - Right.
- And it's – I don't know. I like it just fine, because I'm
just playing old Xbox games with the cloud streaming or whatever. But it is, like... It's nice to have a more accessible console for people that can't
afford the chunkier ones. Right. I was chatting with Tucker about this recently – - You met Tucker.
- Carlson? No, uh, he's on Chuckle Sandwich. He's like the producer of
Chuckle Sandwich, and he, uh, is... - He's also a hometown friend of yours.
- Yeah, he's my best friend. I've known him for 10 years. Um... more than that, actually. But, um... He was talking about how the feeling when you turn on a PS5 is like old gaming, almost, where it's like you
turn it on and it's like... - like a world that you're opening into,
- Yeah. and it's this beautiful menu and stuff. And if you were to turn on
an Xbox One or Xbox Series X, it's like... It's like you're going to work. It's like – - It's like you're clocking in.
- It feels like booting up a desktop - to, like, find the game you wanna play.
- That's so funny. Yeah, it's like... You turn on
the PS5, and it's like, - (reverberating noises)
- Mmhmm. And it's like I'm floating through a space, and I'm like, "Bring me to heaven." - Right.
- When it plays the little beep – You hit the controller, "beep," it's so quaint. And it fades
and it's your profile picture, and it's like, "We gamin', bro? - What are we playing today?"
- It's like, "bwa-bwa-bwaaaa!" [TED] Yeah, it's great. It reminds me, similarly, of how it felt to turn on a PS2. - Ooh.
- (descending in pitch) "Beeeee-ooooo." It's like, "I'm entering cyberspace!" - "Welcome to the gamer zone in 5, 4..."
- I was a GameCube guy, and I did enjoy turning on the GameCube. - Oh, yeah. (cheerful beeping)
- Bum! Um, the... What's interesting is, despite the PS5's production issues, it's still – People are like, "I would
rather wait for a PS5 than get..." - "I will take the uglier console."
- Yeah. I was technically a bastard in terms of supporting the demand for this, but I did order a PS5 third party 'cause I wanted it bad. Yeah. I actually got... I don't know what I would have done, 'cause it wasn't that important for me to get a PS5,
but there was a moment – Yeah, that's fair.
It really wasn't important. [TED] I know what
you're talking about. But it was agonizing to not have. But it was a thing where, like, it was like the hot thing of the moment, and I... I now, in retrospect,
am realizing how lucky – I think I immediately
realized how lucky I got, but I just went to the Walmart website and it was available. And I just pressed the button and I got it. And then later on you're
seeing online and it's like, "Nobody can get a PS5! [TED] People are killing their
dogs and killing their friends - to get a PS5!"
- I got it the first week. There were no games to play. But I felt some sense of accomplishment because I'd done
this difficult thing - that I didn't realize.
- You just move around the menu. "Guys, look at how smooth the menu is." "I guess I'll watch
some Netflix on my PS5." - Yeah.
- "Oh, shit, it – OK, it broke." It's criminal how little I've played my PS5 given how long I've had it. Because I've had it
the entire release time, and I, like, play it, but not... I think the most I played it was
Elden Ring, 'cause I played it on console. Yeah. I don't know about you, but I have... There's a lot of games
that I have on my PS5 that also exist on my computer.
Sometimes I'm like, "I should get this on the PS5
so I can play it on the couch." I did make the bastard's move of, uh, buying Baldur's Gate on PC and the PS5. What's the – I actually haven't
played Baldur's Gate, so what's the proper one to play it on? Uh, well, in the case of PS5 – Oh, I see you're taking my merch off. Is there a problem with
my merch that you, uh, needed – - why you're ripping it off?
- Can I touch it? - I'm gonna put it over my face
- It's itchy, dude. because I think it's just
a more beautiful sight - this way.
- Is that Ted? Yeah. - Hell yeah.
- It's kind of, um... I mean, to describe the feel of it, awful, bad. It itches.
I think I'm having an allergic reaction. For a second I thought
you were talking about the PS5. - Yeah, when you – "beep" –
- It itches. - "Ahhh!"
- "Why?!" "Why'd I turn it on with my tongue?!" Uh, I recommend – I guess I recommend the PC version, but I just have – the
reason I even got a PS5 – I got it really late, but
I ended up getting it 'cause I just don't play PC games. I just don't wanna be at my desk where I work, - where I spend so much time.
- Yeah. - And it literally –
- This something that happened to me, too. Unless I'm playing an online game - Mm.
- with people or, like, where I'm streaming or something, it is, uh... Something about the
last two years of my life, it has become insanely, uncontrollably uncomfortable to play a game, like, at the computer. I know what you mean.
- I have to be on a couch. I have to be controller in hand. I gotta be gaming. - That sensation –
- I gotta be gaming! That, like "PS5 booting up" sensation, not only do you not get it on PC, but
even if I had a PS5 at a desk or something, I can't be upright. - That's not fun. That's not magical.
- Yeah. I need to – Like, currently, this position I'm in, this is perfect gaming position. I've been doing a lot of gaming from – or just in general, I spend a lot of time lying in my bed. - [TED] Yeah?
- And currently, - I have a TV in my room.
- Dude, you got a TV in your room? I guess I could do that myself, but that just sounds so cool. - Well, that's the thing.
- [TED] Is that fun? It's the first time I think... ever, maybe since I was a kid... 'Cause when I was a kid, eventually
I had a little TV in my room for, like, my Nintendo 64. But, um... Yeah, it's – it feels like I'm cheating. Like, it feels like it's not allowed. - But –
- It's first time since college - that I've gone for it, and I
- Yeah. almost regret it. Like, I'm entering the
gamer zone, which is nice. Little beanbag, gamer zone. But it is... It's the first thing that's there. I'm still the guy that, like, I'll watch Netflix like this in my bed, like that. I'll be watching
a Netflix show, like... So, I do that, and I have a TV in my room. - Isn't that weird?
- [TED] You're just a brat, [TED] is what that means. - There's a certain intimacy that, like –
- [JORDAN] You're out of control. it's almost like it's a sensory thing. - Like, where do I wanna experience...?
- Yeah. - [JORDAN] I can get behind that.
- There's something with the headphones, - where it feels, like, closer to me.
- I also think it's, like... - Oh, your ears don't hurt
- Sometimes. - from the headphones?
- I would say it's hit or miss. Long periods of time, sometimes. Long periods of time, usually
I'll take them out and toss them. Yeah, I guess with a TV – I guess that's why I've never had a TV
in my room, 'cause I know that if I was watching something in bed
I'm gonna wanna be horizontal and, like, to look at the TV
from that angle like that doesn't seem right. Like, if
you've got the phone there, - it's part of the sleeping positioning.
- Yeah. That's the value of Quibi. - That's why we were on board with Quibi.
- Quibi? Remember the vertical video
streaming website, Quibi, that died almost immediately?
It was a billion-dollar website, and it was like all of the
big heads of all the networks were supporting it? - And it did so badly you don't remember?
- [TED] I know what you're talking about, but I'm like, "I never had it, though." - No one did.
- No, none of us did. The whole pitch was that you can turn it in real time and you'll see - different parts of the episode.
- That's insane. That's stupid. Meaning that the
cinematography had to be bad. - Um...
- I feel bad for the DPs on those shoots. - [JORDAN] So cool.
- I will say that, you know, if you're... Not that this is something that I've done, but hypothetically, if you're cuddling up
with a significant other in bed and you wanna turn on Love is Blind, you've got the TV right there. It's nice. That's true. That is nice. Or if you don't, say, like or love them particularly, you can turn away,
'cause you've got your phone. When they ask what you're
watching, just don't say anything. You grunt, maybe. "Nn." (angrily) "I'm gaming!" - So –
- "I'm playing Castle Crashers." - "You're ruining it!"
- "I'm playing Bloons Tower Defense 5. - Leave me alone."
- We got off of this topic, but before the show we were talking about ADHD, and we were talking about how you have been diagnosed
since you were 13, or 11? - 13, I think. Since I...
- Um... When is someone in seventh grade? Uh, 13. - Or 12, 13.
- [TED] Seventh grade. - [TED] Yeah, seventh grade.
- Um... The, uh – so... So, you came up the stairs and you were like,
"I'm unmedicated right now." - Yeah.
- And I was like, "Whoa," because I know of you
as someone who's, like... Frequently medicated? Not even that, but just having – I was like, "Oh, Ted's someone who's been taking these meds for a long time." - Yeah.
- What is it even like to be unmedicated? - That's like slang, right?
- I've gone through, like, periods of time where
I haven't been medicated - for like a year or something like that.
- OK. Like, when I got out here to LA, I spent at least a year unmedicated, 'cause it was like... Like, to be honest, for most of college, like, my mom would go and she would send me my medication. Oh, it's like an executive function thing. It's not like a... "Life's kinda changing.
Maybe I'll take a little break." Yeah. - In the past.
- It was an executive function of, like, I got out here, wholly unrealistic for when I'm twenty... when I was 22 for my mom to still be sending me
medication from Massachusetts. Um, so I was like, "OK." Kind of like a little
small drug dealer of sorts. - Yeah, honestly.
- Do you have to get it approved if you move to a different
state, like redo it? Um, no, but I definitely should probably
go get tested for ADHD just to kinda have something newer,
'cause the evidence – Like, I had an IEP and stuff
in high school, and, um... I didn't know that you – You just mentioned having to
get evaluated every year. I haven't done that ever. Well, OK, so when I say that
I get evaluated every year, it's not necessarily like I go
and I get tested for ADHD. It's basically I do a telehealth thing. So, the way it works in California is that every year you need to have, like, a referral from a psychiatrist or some sort of psych person. Um, and then you also need to go in and talk to the person
who's prescribing you like every three months. And you can't get refills
for them. They have to be individual prescriptions every month. - I knew that.
- [TED] It's a very controlled substance. I have a regular psychiatrist
that I meet with that I've had for maybe
the past three years, and I wonder if they've
just taken care of this. That is what's happening.
I have the same thing with my guy. Yeah, OK. - I almost said his name.
- I don't have a specific psychiatrist. It's just like the last
two years, um, in LA, I have just called someone
on telehealth and been like, "Hey, I have ADHD," and then they're like – They just ask me if I experience things and then I talk, and I'm like, I just explain what my life is like, and then they're like, "Yeah,
so you definitely have ADHD. You may continue to have ADHD - and continue to get medicine for that."
- Yeah. But yeah, that year I spent was just... I don't know. I was like... I was still working.
I was posting videos and stuff, but then at a certain
point I think I was like, "Mm, OK, I think I wanna get back on it," 'cause I think I had a period where I was maybe on too much, - and it was giving me anxiety.
- Mmhmm. But I think it was just really what I wasn't doing was
I wasn't taking it, like, consistently. I would take it, like, when I needed to be able to focus. [JORDAN] Less like
medication, more like... - [JORDAN] Like caffeine.
- Yeah. It's just not how it works. Like, you kinda need to
stay on it for a period for it to consistently work, because it's like... I don't know. But I've been off it
for long enough that it's like my brain has settled, - like the dust has settled in a way. Um...
- Right, yeah. So, like... I don't know. I feel like I'm in a place now where I can, like, operate and kind of constantly fight against
the general, like... For instance, if I was on it, on it, on it, and then I got off it for one day,
I'm gonna be fucking the worst. I'm gonna be interrupting people.
I'm gonna be a little piece of shit. But, like, right now I feel like I'm operating generally in seemingly a somewhat medicated way. But also, you have, like, your own coping strategies
outside of the medication. Yeah, it's a bunch of
rubber bands in my brain. Yeah, there's just so much awareness that you have over the years of, like, "What is this doing for me?" Um... Does that feel weird at all,
being diagnosed so young? Did you hit this point of, like, questioning the validity a little bit? Like, "Well, I was a kid.
Am I still that way? Is this the real me?" kind of thing? I think it was like... There was... There would be conversations
occasionally with my mom, where it was like she would... Like... This is nothing against her,
and obviously being a mom's hard, and I love my mom and stuff. But there would be some times
where we'd be having a conversation, and if she didn't like how
the conversation was going, she would ask me if I took my medicine. - Mm.
- And that really bothered me. - That'd really piss me off.
- Understandable. Like, "No, I'm still
feeling what I'm feeling, and I feel like - what I'm saying is valid."
- Like, "My feelings are valid." Whether or not I've taken
my medicine is sort of... That's like... it was just like – It feels like, "Oh,
that's a hit below the belt." - "Have you been drinking?" kinda thing.
- Exactly, and I'm like, "I'm not..." Yeah,
I'm like, "I'm not drunk." Like, my opinions are not gonna
change if I take my medicine. - "Did you not value me for 13 years?"
- [TED] Yeah. [TED] Um, but yeah. One small ADHD-related issue that I am dealing with currently, uh, which is both a positive thing and, uh, in the immediate moment, a negative thing, Vyvanse just went generic. - [TED] What does that mean?
- Vyvanse is the ADHD stimulant I take, comparable to Adderall. And, uh, but it's relatively new. - [TED] Mm.
- And so I think that there's some regulation around this, where there's a certain
window of time where, uh, it's not allowed – Either the market doesn't allow for a generic to be produced, Uh, I guess feasibly so that the company that created the drug can be financially rewarded for having created it. - Right.
- And then – and then... And then it goes generic, so anybody can make it, and it's available to a wider array of people, because, um, ostensibly it's cheaper, right? Um, but the issue is that my insurance covered my Vyvanse the entire time
that I've been taking it, and the few times that
I've had issues with, uh, with insurance at the pharmacy, it's always just this
weird thing where it's like, "That'll be $400," and I'm like, "I don't think that's right." Well, uh, it happened in January? Uh, no, just sometimes
it'll happen at, like, a CVS, and then I'll
have to go to a Walgreens, - and they're like, "It's fine."
- Really? At the beginning of the year, almost on the dot, it's the minimum thing with covering the deductible. - Oh, the deductible.
- So my ADHD medicine is usually $10 at the pharmacy, but in January I have to pay $900 for it. I don't know what is
causing this particular thing, but it's happened so many times that... And usually the answer is just like, "Go to a different pharmacy." It's something with, like, the insurance back
and forth with the pharmacy. - Mmhmm.
- But the issue right now is that it went generic, and then all of the insurance are like, "Well, the generic is available, so we're gonna stop
covering the brand-name." - Ohhh.
- But then the demand is so high now for the new generic that there's, uh – I'm on, like, a waitlist
until like November. - What?!
- Or whatever to get it again. And a lot of people switched to Vyvanse - during the initial shortage.
- That happened as well, but I think... Yeah, so then there
was an Adderall shortage for the past couple years. - [TED] Yeah, I'm on Concerta.
- Yeah. For a while I was hearing
about the shortage, and I was like, "I have
not experienced it." I think it's just like the pharmacy I have, they just don't have it. Like, they just need to order more, because I think I'm, like... I don't know if a lot of people take
Concerta. It's kind of an uncommon one. I took – when I was in my, you know... I feel like I've tried every drug. - [TED] Have you taken Concerta?
- I have, yes. Um, and it wasn't for me. Yeah, we each had our "fuck
around" period before finding out. Why didn't you like it? Um, so, my issue is that I feel nothing
for most of the drugs. Uh, or I only feel side effects. So when I took Adderall,
I just got constipated. And then I had a really
high heart rate and, uh... And if I accidentally drank
caffeine, like I drank – You know how there's two root beers? [JARVIS] That – sorry. - Barq's and...?
- A&W. And A&W. Well, there's IBC. There's IBC. But of the two,
I would say, biggest ones, one of them is caffeinated and one isn't. - Oh, I didn't know that.
- And at an airport one time, I drank a sip of the caffeinated one and I didn't realize, after taking Adderall. And, uh, I felt like I was in Crank. Like, I felt like I was going to die - if my heart, like, slowed down.
- If you stopped running, - the bomb would go off in your chest.
- No, literally. It was crazy. Every single time my psych asks
if I'm still drinking caffeine, it feels a little bit like a "if you're
a cop, you have to tell me" thing. I'm like, "If I were,
does anything happen or change?" He's like, "You can still have it, but –" "Oh, yeah, all the time.
Fucking tons of caffeine, my man." And so I'm definitely more sensitive to caffeine, um, with my Vyvanse, but if I eat, that affects it. And if I wait some time after taking the medicine to drink caffeine, then that affects it. But, um... Yeah, the... Is the generic gonna be good
long term, the fact that it changed? I think it'll be fine. And I think it'll be good
for everyone long term, because not everybody has
the same insurance plan and, uh, it's just... It's just cheaper and better for access. But shoutout to anyone
who's currently waiting. Uh... Or is currently in a backlog
right now because of a generic. - [TED] Yeah.
- I didn't even recognize the... My prescription shifted over. My psych e-mailed me the heads-up about it. But, uh... I, like, had never seen the chemical name for Vyvanse before,
'cause it had previously - been this name brand.
- [TED] Did it start with "meth"? Uh, I actually don't know what it is. Um... My Concerta is methylphenidate. Respect. Isn't it weird that they would create – For each one, there is a
generic name and the brand name, and the brand name always sounds overly complicated and kind of medical. - Really?
- Well, like, uh... Adderall, even.
That's not like a real word. - Yeah.
- Or, uh, lamotrigine is the generic for my Lamictal. - Do you –
- Just call it, like, "feel swag." - Do you think it's like –
- "Swag pill." Call it "go fast." Do you think it's, um, a thing where they want it – There's, like, a little bit of
authority in sounding medical? - Oh, yeah, they want it to sound –
- [TED] Definitely. So it's like you want it to sound medical, but also snappy? Mm. And also, Adderall
has, like, clout now. Yeah, like Adderall, it's like, - OK, "A-D-D" is in the name.
- Mmhmm. Like, "Adderall, OK, this is what
you take for ADHD," or something. And then, I don't know, Concerta is like, I think that there's like... Sort of in terms of English,
there's maybe like... It sounds kinda like
"concern," which is weird. Or even "E-R" sounds like Latin, which makes it sound smart. Yeah, there's something – Like, there's definitely... You know, these companies are
definitely spending $1 billion to make sure that they're
naming things correctly. "Vyvanse" sounds like... - Do you –
- [JORDAN] "I'm defeating something." "I'm getting on VYVANSE!" Do you wanna know
the generic name of Vyvanse? - [TED] Yeah.
- It's, uh, lisdexamfetamine. - Liz-dexamfetamine?
- "Amfetamine" at the end, that's fun. Yeah. Dextroamphetamine. - Yeah.
- [JORDAN] For the real ones. - [TED] Dextero-amphetamine.
- Dexerto. I mean, it feels – There's such a weird experience of when you are finding the
right medication or switching over, and you ask your psych, like, "Why would this one work
for me and not someone else?" They're like, "We don't know yet." - That's crazy.
- "Just jazz, baby." To be honest... I have no idea if Concerta is the best medicine for me, because it's the only
medicine I've ever been on. I did it, and then it worked. But I actually don't know
if it's under-working. Like, you know, it might be
within my interest to, like, shop around and try the other ones out. But I also don't wanna, like, be fucking up myself. - I think –
- You were saying you'll get it so you can resell it. So, obviously, for any of this, we're not – I've sold a pill or two
in college, I'll admit. That's the thing about
getting diagnosed young, is you'll have a surplus
for other people. We are not experts. - Uh, we're just talking –
- Genuinely, I sold no more than 5 pills. - [TED] Individual pills for some cash.
- This is just a heads-up. - Just to say it, 'cause it's obvious.
- [JORDAN] PSA. PSA, we are not experts.
We're just talking about our own - Also, that was a joke.
- experience with this stuff. Um, but I would talk
to my psych about that, um, - if you were curious.
- Talk to your psych? I mean, you want me to talk to your psych? Yeah, I'll be like, "Hey, my buddy Ted..." "He's got a question for you." - I waddle in. I'm like, "Hi."
- I've referred lots of people to my psych, and I have not received
a single referral bonus, free subscription, anything. At this point, Kyle, you don't get nothing. No last name. Christ, no. I, uh... Speaking of medication... This is, like – I think it's significant, but I stopped taking my antidepressant recently. Um, around my surgery time, because I forgot. And then I just kept it moving, 'cause I was just in bed recovering and wasn't thinking about it. And then it was like two weeks
and I hadn't taken it, and I'm like... How did you feel? - (sighs)
- Do you feel depressant, dude? I've always felt like I wasn't sure if
it was doing anything. Like, I think it's helping the bottom bottoms, but I hadn't had a significantly bad, like, sort of valley, mental-health wise, though at TwitchCon I felt the worst I've felt in forever. That's when I noticed
the greatest drop in medication, when I went back, uh – flights fuck me up because I have such
a regulated lamotrigine. Like, if I... I never forget my medication, because if I don't take lamotrigine I would have to cancel the – I would be like, "I have to go home." Nobody else I know that takes it –
maybe 'cause my dosage is high, but I start shaking. It feels like my teeth are like... What type of medicine is this? It's a, uh, bipolar stabilizer. - [TED] Oh, OK.
- But it is the best. It changed my life. Yeah, and it's like – I hate the way my body reacts to medicine. - I took lamotrigine and felt nothing.
- [TED] Is it like lithium? - Say what?
- Is it like lithium or something, or...? Um, it's a lot more passive
than lithium, and easier long term. Do you have to get
blood tests and stuff for it? No. It is controlled, but they are a lot more passive about it.
I mean, lamotrigine for me at this point is just, um – Actually, Katie described the
experience of not having it best, which is if you are on lamotrigine, driving, way less stressful if you're
somebody that's stressed about driving. When you stop taking lamotrigine,
you forget how to drive. - [TED] Whoa.
- The not having it, in contrast, is like... hits really hard.
But there's never a shortage. It's always pretty easy to get. - That's good.
- But that one is like... You ever had that –
it happens with stimulants a lot, where you stop taking it, you take a break,
or something happens, you can't get it, and I don't know about you guys,
I sometimes find myself reflecting, like... "Is this OK?" Have I become so dependent on this thing that if something were to change,
if global warming just devastates...? The San Andreas cracks and
we float off into the ocean, am I a less viable person now? I gotta go back to the UK soon.
I'm like, "What if I forget or run out?" The whole shaking thing you were
describing sounds like that would be... I threw out a scenario in my head, like if there was an apocalypse. Before you even mentioned
the apocalypse, I was like, "Would he, like...
start rationing it, maybe, to kinda wean off?" I did have to do that
when I initially went back. I got stuck in the UK 'cause
I went back right before COVID. - Then there was a travel ban.
- So you had to do every other - to, like, every three, or...
- Getting new medication, they were like, "Oh, no. We don't know
how to do that right now. We forgot how to do medicine." Plus you have to get approved
again in a different country. Yeah.
- And they... Yeah, it did make me think, like, I'm happy with this.
I have a decent surplus. I had some in the UK, so if
I need to I can dash back. - Right.
- But yeah, if the bombs drop, - there's gonna be... My fear is that
- [TED] "The bombs drop"? I will become unstable and indulge in my whims to
become a post-apocalyptic warlord in the vein of Mad Max. The only thing stopping me from that - right now is that we have water.
- And you're not in Australia. I'm not in Australia, which
I will be when the bombs drop. That will be my decision.
First place I gotta go. I gotta go play guitar
on top of a truck, or whatever. Yeah, just go be driving
through the outbacks with your trained kangaroos
that know how to shoot guns. Dude, that's racist.
You can't bring up kangaroos. - Why?
- I would never use a kangaroo - in that circumstance.
- I would. - They're noble animals.
- Are you kidding me? Didn't the Aussies, when they were on here, - say people kill kangaroos for sport?
- [JORDAN] Yeah, punch them in the head. - Yeah.
- So, TwitchCon, how 'bout it? How 'bout TwitchCon? Come on. How 'bout TwitchCon? We love – It was in Vegas. - It was in Vegas. I did not...
- [JORDAN] Ooh, city of dreams. I don't think I like Vegas. It was... In a little fucked-up way, and I'm not trying to
be contrarian to you, - No.
- it was one of my favorite TwitchCons. I had maybe one of the worst weekends of maybe the past 10 years. - I'm so fucking sorry.
- It's OK. I think it was mostly due to, like, my mental health struggles - that I was having –
- I wanted to hang out more, - and I feel like we couldn't.
- Well, my issue is that I didn't reach out to anyone, and I didn't plan to be in a group - or anything ahead of time.
- I tried to get you in the Partner party. Yeah. No, this is – That's why I'm saying
it's all on me. Yeah. It's like, uh – 'Cause all I did was just
stay in my hotel room, and I went out for the
things that I had to do. - Granted, that's how I was during VidCon.
- Yeah. And then I wanted to want to reach out to people, but I felt so... It was just like a weird friction in my mind, where I couldn't do it. - Just being depressed?
- Yeah, it's just being depressed. - And then, like – and then it...
- [TED] I'm sorry. sort of doubles on itself, because then I'm mad at myself for not, you know, - doing things that I wanna do.
- Yeah. And then the last night or whatever, or Saturday night, I tried to go out to the last party, and I was trying to link up with people, uh, and I was texting, um, some friends. And then they all had plans already, and like... So then I was gonna meet them at the party itself, and then I got to the party itself and there was a big line, - and all my friends were late –
- Going straight through the mall, too. And then I just, like – I was sitting around, and then I started getting so anxious, and then I just walked home. And then went back to being in bed. And then I moved my
flight up and I left early. - [TED] Oh!
- It's fine. I mean, like I said, it's all, you know, stuff that I'm dealing with. But tell me about your TwitchCon, - 'cause you having a good time does not...
- My TwitchCon was cool. You're allowed to have had
a good time, even if I didn't. Yeah, I don't know. I think
that there was just like... What was nice about the
TwitchCon for me was, like, I feel like last TwitchCon it was like... I think that I'm not, like, a huge partier, so when I have the opportunity to
go to little events that are party stuff, it's fun and novel for me, where it's like... You know? And I think it was also partly my love for going to
parties and events and stuff comes from me not having been invited - to many things when I was younger.
- Mm. It's like, uh, a... I don't know. - Um –
- 'Cause you're not likable? - Yeah, exactly.
- [JORDAN] Right, yeah. You always do that bit with the lights. Like, "We get it, Ted.
'Let there be light.'" Yeah, 'cause I show up at the party, like, "This party looks like it needs
some strobe lights," and I start going... A lot of people are very affected by that. - Yeah. I'm just like...
- Pretty dangerous. When I go to the fucking
Epilepsies Anonymous party, - it's like that doesn't work.
- Why are you invited? Yeah, exactly. I don't know.
Maybe 'cause I lied. Why do they have to be anonymous? Uh, did you have a lot of obligations? - Hm?
- Did you have a lot of panels or whatever? I had one thing that I did, because there was like... My last TwitchCon was like
a little bit tough, because... I like meeting people. I like meeting people in person. But I have now gotten to the point where I can't really walk through
one of these conventions without getting what
I like to call "stunlocked," where one person will come up to me;
they'll say hi. They're always... - I've never had a bad experience.
- Everyone's so nice. Yeah. Um, but in meeting that person, then other people will see me, because I am the size of a skyscraper. - Um, so –
- "It's Tednivision!" Then it starts to become a crowding thing, and then the larger
that crowd generally gets and the more eyes
are on me at the same time when I didn't expect it was gonna happen, it starts to kinda create
a growing anxiety in me. I feel like I'm getting more – like, anxiety in the last year. It's a new thing for me. I've never known
what that feels like, and now I'm... Like, now I know, "Oh, that's what the thing
in the chest is?" Like, "That's weird." Is the experience you're describing possibly worse because of – You weren't taking medication
at that time, right? Last 2 weeks? TwitchCon was a few days ago. Well, it's happened before at, like, uh... It happened once at VidCon
when I tried to go on the floor and I didn't realize that you weren't
allowed to do that, and I got crowded. But, like, it's more like I can – 'Cause last year at VidCon, I would try to go to the Partner lounge and there would be people who
kinda camp out at the Partner lounge, - Mm.
- expecting there to be people there. And there was this one time that
I was just trying to meet someone, but people come up and say hi. And I wanna say hi to everyone
that wants to say hi to me, 'cause I know what being in that position is like, having watched YouTubers and gone to
conventions and seen someone and been like, "I'm never gonna meet this person again
or have a chance to see them again." So, like... I... A line formed, and I was
there for 45 minutes. Um... But it's a quantity issue, not quality. - It's not bad interactions.
- Yeah, they're not bad interactions, and I don't like not
doing the interactions. It's just the time and
place for them, I feel like, needs to be when I can do them, rather than when, like... And I have a really hard time - saying no to people.
- Yeah. I had the same, uh – I had the same experience, and I'm not
even a big Twitch person, or I'm not - known in those spaces.
- Yeah, I think I'm just really adjacent to a lot of gaming – Obviously I have
a podcast with Schlatt. Like, I'm very, very adjacent. It's funny; I'm adjacent to the commentary
world and adjacent to the gaming world. Well, but I'm just saying
the same thing happened to me, to probably not as big of an extent, but still enough that I was like, "I wanna take a breather. I wanna
catch my breath from this." But, like, even – One of the things that happened
to me was I was with some friends - sitting down eating,
- [TED] Mmhmm. and even when I was eating people
came up to the table and were like, "Hey, sorry. Can we get a photo?" And I'm like... "Yeah,
of course." You know? - [TED] Yeah.
- It's like, 'cause I don't wanna be... I don't wanna ruin their experience. But it's really just the fact that you can't pause it when you need a break. - Yeah. Yeah.
- It's like you have to duck away. - Mmhmm.
- Or you always have to be moving. Exactly. And last year at TwitchCon, it was like I, with just the normal... The range of what a Partner is on Twitch - is so, like, wide now, that, like...
- Mmhmm. Like, last year I would have to enter in
through the main entrance, which is like not as feasible anymore. No, this year they did better back-of-house stuff. - Yeah, they did.
- Like, VidCon does, 'cause VidCon, you can't – you're not allowed
to go out into the public areas. - Yeah. Yeah. Um...
- TwitchCon was a little bit more, like, the lines were blurred. Yeah, it's a little bit
more blurred with TwitchCon, and it's like a little bit stranger, because it's like... But this year, I, like, I was able to get like this little purple star on my pass that lets you go into this thing called the purple lounge, which is like - the new Partner lounge, in my head.
- We ran into each other - at the purple lounge.
- Oh, yeah. And they've got, like... It's just like a place
where you can actually chill, where it's like... where, like, most of the people that I know are there, too. - I saw Jake from State Farm in there.
- Really? Yeah. I never said hi, even
though I was him for Halloween. And I went to his birthday party. - Oh. Why didn't you –
- Was he in uniform? - I didn't see him at his birthday party.
- Oh, OK. We went with mutual friends, and then he was in a different
room the entire time. Do you think it's weird that
he can never wear a red shirt? Just, like, socially? Yeah. Well, it's funny, 'cause
you could tell he was working, 'cause he was in the State Farm fit. Oh. Oh! He really was? Yeah, he was in the shirt. - [TED] Oh, that's funny.
- This is fucked, but for a while, like, I didn't know what
the brand State Farm was, and I didn't understand who Jared Fogle was and what
brand he was associated with, and I thought that's who it was. - Like, it's Jake from Subway.
- Oh, that's funny. I was just like, "Whoa, he's still free?" - "Jesus."
- But, um... Anyway, you – Yeah. So it was like this time around I had a little bit more control over, like, whether or not I wanted to have a break or if I wanted to meet people, so I went around the
convention a little bit and stuff. The one thing I had was this - Kitchen League thing.
- Oh, yeah. [TED] I did the Kitchen League
thing with Sam and Eric. Yeah. And that was fun. Uh, but I thought what was great about Vegas this time was that, like, last year at TwitchCon it was like... There was like a couple events and stuff. There was like the Juvee one - that we hung out at. And then –
- I remember that, yeah. Yeah, you did the homie move
and pulled me into the VIP at that. - Yeah, and we had a great time.
- We had a good time, yeah. I was busy. So. I was playing Cyberpunk. "I was playing Cyberpunk, and I was – and I was romancing Panam." Yeah. And you're jealous, I would guess, of that. - She's good with cars.
- I was in England, kissing the queen. - Um...
- And then what happened? Oh, but I was Schlatt,
actually, if you can believe it. Uh, but I guess it was just like... And there was that FaZe one
that everyone was going to - that was weird.
- Yeah. - It was like –
- Is that the one that was half Dolce & Gabbana? - That was this year.
- I'm talking about last year. But, like, there was a little party thing, but this year it was Vegas, so there was a bunch of, like, fucking... I've never gone to
clubs or anything before, - so it was like these nightclub things.
- Like a full nightclub. And it was just really
this kinda cool, novel – like, I feel like I would
have to spend a lot of bullion and a lot of
time and a lot of, like, planning in order to do these
things in Vegas as a normal person, - like a normal weekend in Vegas.
- That's valid. - For sure.
- Was this your first Vegas trip? This was my third time in Vegas. Um... Yeah, this was my third time
in Vegas. The last two have been - with Eddy Burback.
- [JORDAN] Oh, bummer. Oh, yeah, I sent you a photo of the Rainforest Cafe. Yeah. I really wanted to do a TikTok where I did that, uh, that Blade Runner, like, - "I can make... you look lonely."
- Oh, that's funny. I just didn't find my way over there, 'cause it was in a different part of town. The only thing I did for myself was go
on, uh... I did a couple Pokémon GO walks - in Vegas.
- Were there, like...? - Walking up the Strip.
- Did you find any, like, gambling Pokémon?
Like ones that were like - [TED] a pile of chips?
- Yeah, there was a Pikachu throwing dice. Or like a Snorlax that has a gambling addiction,
that's covered in sweat. "I'm not doing so hot." - There's never the sunlight bonus.
- "I'm down $10k. I'm gonna lose my house." "Oh, there goes the scholarship." - My, um...
- "Oh, there it goes." My highlight of TwitchCon was actually meeting up with, uh, my friend Trey, who
edits for Jacksepticeye, - [TED] Mmhmm.
- who is also a Pokémon GO player, and he traded me a Mewtwo. - So I got a Mewtwo.
- How many Mewtwos you got? - Just one in Pokémon GO.
- Oh, damn. So do you have them all now? I did complete the Kanto Pokédex, - so that was exciting for me.
- [JORDAN] Jesus. - What'd you do when you did it?
- Celebrate. - Like, what'd you do to celebrate?
- Um... - More gambling?
- Were you like, "I'm celebrating!" I went back to
my hotel room and I drank one of the - $9 Cokes that was in the minibar.
- [JORDAN] Hell yeah. Dude, that's one of my favorite
things about having adult money, - is that I can go to a...
- The little indulgence, yeah. that little minibar thing at a hotel and I can pick up - the little jar of peanut M&Ms.
- That costs $15. Like, not even a joke. The jar
of peanut M&Ms costs $15. - Oh, no.
- Well, I got two of them. - There you go.
- Uh... The reason why I got two of them, too, is that little jar, 'cause you know I make pesto - with my basil plant.
- Oh, it's a good pesto jar. It's a fantastic pesto jar, [TED] and I have
2 of them now, - and so I'm gonna use those as my...
- Oh, hey. - Um...
- 'Cause usually I just take like a jam jar or something and
clean it out and stuff, - Right.
- and I'll use that, but yeah. The, uh... Another token of my, uh, you know... What do I wanna call it? My, like, little sad weekend, was that there was a area in the hotel that all of the guests, like all of the people who were, um, you know, had the
little thing on their badge could go and get free coffee, free soda, free snacks the whole weekend, 24/7. - [TED] Right.
- And I still... bought the $9 soda 'cause I couldn't,
like, venture outside of my room. - [TED] Oh.
- Yeah. So, it's just like a, - "Hey, it happens to everybody." And...
- Yeah, I definitely know what that's like. Like, you know... At the beginning of the
weekend, also, there was... Like, the first, like –
the Thursday/Friday period, I was a little bit more shut-off-ish. I definitely... I definitely did - room service a couple times.
- Yeah. Which is also a fun adult thing to do. Like, that is so novel and fun, to be able to get it right at your door. - Yeah.
- Even at my apartment in LA, like, I have to kinda walk to the
pedestrian gate to let them in, 'cause I don't have a code
on my thing or whatever. So having someone come
right up to the door and be like, "Room service for you," and I'm like, "I ordered this half an hour ago.
This is fucking incredible." I don't know. I love
shit like that. It's so fun. The equivalent of that, I was just back in the UK for, uh, reasons that aren't fun to talk about
on the podcast, but I was just there. - 'Cause I'm from the countryside,
- Mmhmm. ordering takeout is like, "Wow. - Mr. Rockefeller's come 'round."
- Seriously, dude. And it's like... You know, the equivalent of like $14 to just get multiple
items from a place nearby, but the idea that you aren't
just walking to it is like, - "OK."
- It's like crack. I love ordering food. Like, it's one of my favorite things,
because we never did it when I was a kid. My biggest and worst expense, by far. - By a huge margin.
- Yeah, huge. And I'll buy like one video game
and feel bad about it. I'll be like, "I'm such an idiot.
I spent $50 on that video game," and then order Sweetgreen
10 times in a day. Yeah. Literally, it's like a video game, you're like,
"Mm... Do I want – it's $40." "I'm only gonna enjoy that for..." And I'm ordering Taco Bell and it's like, "This'll be $54 for this Taco Bell," and I'll be like, "That's worth it." - I know, man.
- If you got a Mendocino Farms order and it lasted six months. - You just get to eat every day.
- [TED] Yeah. "Man finds out he's been
catfished." I think I saw this on my feed - and I was afraid to watch it.
- Oh, is this from TwitchCon? Yeah. Did you hear about this? Yeah. I didn't watch it because
of secondhand embarrassment. No, me too. So this is like we'll all hold hands and watch it. Oh, I feel bad. I don't know. I haven't
seen it yet. Maybe they suck. So, this is something that
happened at TwitchCon during a meet-and-greet. Uh, someone is meeting a creator, and they find out that they have been DMing with a fake catfish account that was impersonating this streamer - instead of the streamer themselves.
- Fuck. And I wanna say that, like, while this is an awkward
moment that's, like, cringey... - You know.
- Have you seen it? No. I haven't. I also didn't watch it
'cause of secondhand embarrassment. But I do know the exact time and the temperature, - up at the top right for some reason.
- Interesting. So, I don't know what this is
gonna be, but that's all the context. I think Dexerto posted this, or something. OK. Here we go. [MAN] How are you?
Can I give you a hug? - [THENICOLET] Of course.
- [MAN] It's nice to meet. [MAN] My name is (inaudible).
Does that ring a bell? - [THENICOLET] Yes, it does.
- [MAN] OK, good. [MAN] You know, we've had
some conversations on Twitter. [MAN] I get a little paranoid it's not you. [MAN] But I think this is
the real you, right? That's you? [THENICOLET] Hold on.
Let's click on the account. [THENICOLET] No, that is not. - [JORDAN] Oh...
- [THENICOLET] No! [MAN] Well, I didn't say anything horrible
or give a lot of my personal information. [TED] Oh, this is not that bad. - [JORDAN] All right.
- [JARVIS] OK. Cool. OK. [JORDAN] What a reasonable person. - Yeah.
- Oh. - I feel bad for him, though.
- I think everybody, like, landed this situation. It could
have been so much worse. Oh, he seemed totally, like,
well-spoken and respectful. Yeah, he seemed super respectful. Um... - That, I mean, it just –
- I got worried 'cause it was like – and maybe this was me being, uh, judging before watching. I thought maybe – I saw old men, and I thought
maybe, you know... That's a really good point.
I had the same bias. I'm like, "Did this old
man trick this fan?" Well, but I had also seen in replies that people were like, "Oh,
he seemed sweet," and stuff. - Yeah, he seemed sweet and respectful.
- I was afraid to see him, like, - getting his heart broken, and I'm like...
- Yeah. I mean, I guess it's one thing to note that people – There are impersonators out there. And Twitter specifically has destroyed, um, - the credibility of a verified checkpoint.
- Oh, yeah. This is, like, why verification
existed previously, was, you know, because of impersonators. And, uh, Elon just made it
so that you could pay money to impersonate someone. Dude, also, I don't know about you, but on TikTok, I am having trouble – - Like, I'm not verified on TikTok.
- Mmhmm. But there's another account that's "Ted Nivison." But because TikTok just
shows whatever you want in that lower area, it's "tednivisonn" with two Ns at the end. They're just posting all of my TikToks, - Oh, that's –
- and they're getting... - Like...
- They're reposting your TikToks? It's just "Ted Nivison," and then it says
"second account." - They're just reposting all of my TikToks.
- That's insane. And... They're getting like 70k likes.
Everyone's replying, like, "Ted, what are you doing?"
People are asking if I'm doing some project or something,
like I did that time - I tried to make a viral sound.
- That's not cool. - Yeah, there's gotta be someone –
- I've reported it several times, and I'm like... and it's like, "What are they doing?"
and the two options is like, "They're impersonating a celebrity,"
or "impersonating me." I put "me." They look at it and
are like, "They're not doing anything." I'm like, "What?" It's literally they're
freebooting my content. "I know who I am. I'm the
expert, actually, on this." I actually have that problem
right now. There's a, um... There's a website called
JarvisJohnsonMerch.com, [TED] Mm. There's too
many of those websites. And they, uh, created a Spring store that, like, was pretending to be
my official merch store. And we got that taken down because it was like, uh, - actually stealing designs and stuff.
- A crime. And a crime. Uh, but
then the website itself continues to pretend to be me. Like, the website has like a little – The merch and the store
was taken down, but the website? The Spring store that backs
this thing was taken down, 'cause we were able to
reach out to Spring and say, "Hey, they're pretending to –
you can't do this. You're selling, you know, unauthorized - trademarked..." Like, we own the designs.
- [TED] Bootlegged merch. Yeah, "We
own the designs, so you can't sell these." - But they still have the domain, and...
- They still have it. I'm trying to see if we can
buy the domain or something, which would be a win for them. But yeah, it links to my socials and posts as if it's me, and I'm like, "That's so weird." There really literally just is not – especially if you're able to make someone – even in the days of verification
and the world making sense, even at that point, you could just make
the claim that you are a second account. - Yeah.
- That is a source, I feel like, of most of - that kind of catfishing.
- Yeah. It's like, uh... Let me show it to you visually. It's literally like – - The TikTok account?
- [TED] Yeah. - Oh, yeah.
- 'Cause it's like... It's not even like... 'Cause a lot of accounts
where they, like, do... Where they... - I don't have service here.
- Mm. It's a dead zone. I was looking at my phone, like, "SOS"? "Am I in trouble?" OK, so I found it. It's got a pinned one. It's got a top one where it's just got an – These are all TikToks of mine. This one was posted, um... This one was posted in August, and it has 151,000 likes. Another one, 91,000 likes;
another one, 138. These are just reposts of videos of mine. - Um, it has 75.8k followers.
- [JARVIS] That's crazy. And it just says "2end account."
It spells "second account" wrong. [JORDAN] Do they have
the same profile picture? - Yeah.
- [JORDAN] For a second account? Yeah, they have the same
profile picture and everything. And it's like... People will comment on this,
and then they'll be like, uh, like, replying as if it's me. And it's like it's actually as if... - That's crazy.
- Yeah. Is that technically... especially if they change the bio, say, is that even against the terms of service? Well, they're just post – They're posting my... Like, they're copying exactly everything. Like, they're – They're copying my, uh... my, uh... Like, even the, the... the descriptions of
the videos and stuff, too. It's not even a big deal. They're not taking
any money out of my pocket. - No, but it's still weird.
- But people are finding the account and being like, "This is Ted," and this person is
essentially representing me by reposting shit, and
people get confused. Well, this person could DM someone. Very confidently. Yeah, no, I want that shit taken down. I want that shit taken down. - Let's do "the white guy tier list."
- [JORDAN] That sounds good. OK, this is a little game I've prepared for the real homies, just you two. - No real ones. Jacob, don't play this.
- Can we zoom in on this? I can't really see it that well. Oh, OK. There we go. The genesis of this originally is I was thinking to myself,
"Hey, there's a lot of pretty common, generic names
that you might use in a joke," right? So, what's a good joke name specific? I, myself, use Rick. A lot of Steves and Davids.
They come up a lot. Can I just say something? I was looking at this and I was really
suspicious, 'cause I thought that, like... I thought that we were gonna, like – This was gonna be a thing where
there's a picture of me and, like, "Ted," 'cause I've got a really,
like, white-guy name, just fucking "Ted." So I thought you were gonna do a thing
like, "Oh, you got a shitty name, Ted," and you're gonna put me in the D category and you're gonna say, like, "Fuck you." No, no, no, no. So, I get to judge people with you? I get to judge these names with you? Do we have a...? Oh, I don't – wait. I'm just gonna Slack you
something real quick. - No, no, no. Don't do it.
- Hold on. I wasn't asking for it. This wasn't
some reverse psychology thing. Jacob. - Jarvis, can you grab his phone?
- I can't do that. - You can't?
- It's too heavy. Are there two Michaels? - I feel like Michael is next to Michael.
- No, there's definitely two Michaels. Uh, there might be an error with
the software, maybe. It's something... - went wrong with the –
- Error in the software? - Yeah, there's like a computer in the...
- [JACOB] Also Steve and Steven, who are the same guy
in two different poses. One's a Steve and one's a Steph-en. One's a Saturday night, you know? Oh, you're right. There's Steve and then there's, like... Oh, yeah, Stephen,
a little bit more posted up, - a little bit more aggressive.
- Yeah, Stephen's more mysterious, I feel. I guess one of them's still
buffering. It's uploading. - We'll see what happens.
- Steve is offering himself up, and he also doesn't have
an E at the end of his name. And then there's – then there's Stephen, who's kinda like... "Welcome to my show. I'm gonna be..." Like, he's like – he's like... Like Kitchen Nightmares,
like he's posted up like... - Yeah.
- "Are they gonna be able to find out who's the best person in the kitchen?" "Who's my best friend?
Can you figure it out?" "Who's my best friend?" "I got 10 men here,
and we're gonna figure out which one's my best friend." "We've got five men, and they have to choose a wife. - Which one do they love the most?"
- That'd be a pretty good little Jubilee thing, is like finding out who's this guy's best friend. Oh! That would be good. - 5 guys choose who their best friend is.
- I hate the ones where it's like, "Figure out who's siblings," and, um... Or who's twins, or something like that, and they pick siblings that were
born really close together and lived their whole lives together. And the real – like, it doesn't even matter
that they're not twins, 'cause they may as well be, you know? They know everything about each other,
and they're almost the same age. I wanna have actors pretend, you know? Ooh, that would be fun. We could do it. Actors pretend to be brothers, yeah. - Like I'm pretending to be British.
- What – what the fuck? - [JORDAN] Sorry.
- How'd you make that so quick? Uh, it's possible that I made it
and forgot to send it to Jacob, but good luck proving that. You look weird in that photo. Man, come on. You look different. Um, so the parameters for
what ranks as a high grade we can interpret case by case, but in the case of, say,
Steve and Stephen, I – - That's Steve and Stephen.
- Yeah. I think there is a distinction. I don't think both can
exist in the same grade. - I personally have one I like more.
- Currently, we have Stev and Stephen. - Yeah.
- Well, we can rank Stev. I think it's just the visual, the website. I'm just giving you a hard time. - Hey, come on.
- I would say – I'm uploading another photo of you. That took him forever to set up. I don't... That would be a pain in the ass for him. I don't wanna give Jacob - too much to do.
- So, we're starting with Derek. Yeah. Derek, classic comedy name.
I feel like I hear it a lot. But as an actual person name, case by case, does it hit? Really, the... I feel like the hit depends on
if you can say it in, like, a negative context. So it's like... - Mm. Mm!
- "Don't do that, Derek." - Oh, yeah, it's a derisive one.
- Can you, like – yeah. I feel like I have one of those names,
where it's like, "Nobody asked you, Ted." - [JORDAN] Yeah. "Teddy."
- I feel like Derek, though, does have a little bit of gravitas to it. I feel like... I feel like I've never
met a soft-spoken Derek. - Is "Derek" short for something?
- [TED] Come on. - I don't think so.
- Doesn't it feel like Dericious? - Yeah.
- Oh, OK. Oh, yeah, I did my best to choose the, uh, profile picture that I thought
best represented each one. Derek, I mean... I kind of wanna put – - I would put Derek in the B tier.
- Yeah? You happy with a B? Do we go
all the way up to S, or is A peak? OK, interesting. Cool. - I'm curious to see what gets S.
- S, A, B, C, and D. Do other people have
thoughts on Derek, tier-wise? I would say Derek is, you know, he's got two
thumbs up that are sort of like really posted up. Oh, wait, no. He's holding
a glass of water. He loves it, so he's
giving it a thumbs up. - Oh, OK.
- He's one of those water sommeliers. It looks like you maybe, uh... You asked Derek if he needs anything, if he needs another snack or a beverage, and he goes, "No, I've got
this water. I'm good." Oh, yeah, 'cause there's
music. You can't hear him. Yeah. "No, I'm good." And you get confused. You get him a drink, 'cause you thought you were going,
"Yeah, get me a drink." Man, Derek is going directly
to church after this. I'm just thinking about the shoot for this stock photo thing, where they're like, "All right, now hold the water and give us a thumb –" Like, what was the direction? "I feel like the website Photobucket
doesn't have anyone holding water yet." - Yeah.
- "We'll get Derek through." Also, what do you think of
my application to that stock photo? Did Derek feel like a good choice? Oh, he looks like he could be a Derek, but he also looks like
he could be a Daniel. Yeah, this is not my Derek,
in my head, but... This is almost a Daniel to me. You might be right. Oh my god. - Does that not look like a Daniel?
- I think it does, kinda, - if I'm being honest.
- Stupid idiot. Everyone hates me. This is why me and my dad aren't close. We can't hear you, and we do agree. - I'm so glad no one can hear.
- So, in the case of Derek, It's a B because it's also, like, a lower-tier Derek. If it was a Daniel, - it'd probably be an A.
- You think my application as to their looks is – yeah,
OK. That's fair enough. So, are we judging the
name or the stock photo? I need some feedback,
so I think you should judge it also - based on my performance.
- As an incredibly white individual, I feel like I'm very, uh... I'm very ready to sort of place the realism. You have often claimed
to be an authority on race. - Yeah?
- Yeah. I feel like I can - be an authority on my own race.
- You've picked your favorites. Do you have any worry
about TikTok – it's OK. - TikTok becoming –
- Taking over? Chi-nited States of America? - 'Cause I'd be fine with it.
- I'm not good with that. - Chinited Chates of Chamerica?
- That is not making it into the podcast. Um, we should go faster, because we will never finish. Who's the one doing
muscle flexing down there? What did I name him? I think you should keep it in.
I think it's funny. - Simon.
- Simon. I think I chose a great Simon. This guy, I feel like he
does look like a Simon. He also looks like Andrew Garfield to me. - Yeah. A good Andrew, honestly.
- But Andrew Garfield doesn't really - look like an Andrew.
- He doesn't. This is the cycle. This is
the problem with you guys. - With your people.
- Simon. You know what's interesting? This guy could very well be a Damien, - as well, in a weird way.
- Ooh! Do you think that's the suit? No, it's his face. He's like, "I'm Damien." - "Hey, guys."
- Yeah. - "I'm Damien, and I'm crazy."
- I'm being pulled in a couple different
directions, 'cause (sighs)... I... like this guy a lot. - I like him a lot.
- The energy is really – I agree. This guy has – He is psyched. He is the exact enemy of that Derek. - Is that making me bring up...?
- He is. Is that making me, like, superficially wanna rank Simon higher? - That's a good point. Is it a bias?
- I feel like we're ranking, like, everything about the energy
that's emanating off of him. I think that it definitely pulls it
down when it doesn't match, but I also think that Simon
can work for this man. And I think this man's having a great time. He's hype. I would
put him at an A, if not an S. I think you are allowed
to attribute it to, like, do you wanna hang out with this guy? - I do wanna hang out with him.
- Simon's gonna have a good time. He's really good. He's a little much. That's what's not getting
him S. Like, "Calm down." Maybe he's flicking the lights,
saying "Let there be light"? Yeah, he's like – but it's also like, OK, you can get a little aggressive, and maybe that'll be too much for us. But I'll keep him up at A. I'll keep him... you know? - He's like a party friend, you know?
- Yeah. But he's the last one to leave, and he's maybe like, "Can I
stay here tonight?" Like, "Eh, OK." Yeah, he does strike me as, um... Oh, you know what? I think Zach
would also work for this guy. - Yeah, Zach is good.
- Ahh. Maybe – maybe Zachary. - Ooh!
- Zachary to his real friends? - Z to more casual friends?
- ZZ Top to the people real close. There's so much nuance to this. I mean, we've now turned
his name into Zach. But it could be Zack
with a K, Zach with an H. Those are completely
different things to me. - Mm.
- There are some people on this list that do read as though they
would give themself a nickname. - Mm.
- For example, I think Rick... - I found a Rick in there.
- Rick's the – - Oh, whoa.
- Oh, yeah, what do we think of Toby? Where are you, Rick? Oh, ignore that. - Derek, Nick, David, Peter.
- Nick. There's Nick. - Steve. Stephen. Michael, Derek.
- Pickle Nick. - Oh, Derek!
- Oh, Rick! Now, Rick... is... - "Finger Guns" Rick
- He's a little silly. But he's also pretty grounded. And he's wearing an
Oxford white, like, suit shirt. But Rick looks like a Michael. (sighs) Look. - Does Rick –
- Does he not? I feel like we're gonna be here all day. You're not wrong, OK? - OK, his name's Richard Michaels.
- Come on, he looks like a Michael. - It's like...
- No, listen. He's Richard. He looks like a Richard to me. - Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
- It looks like he's trying to go by Rick to rebrand. That wouldn't be too much of a rebrand, because a common nickname
for Richard is Dick. Ooh, that's rough, yeah. - But so's Rick. Which...
- Rick v. Dick. Is Rick a nickname for Richard? [BOTH] What do you
think it's a nickname for? I think it's just a fucking name. It's for Ricardo. OK, his full – oh, no. He asks to go by Ricardo at the office. Rick is a nickname for Richard? - Yeah, as is –
- Are you kidding me? - It's closer than Dick.
- It is closer. What are you talking about? I didn't... Honestly, it was like the whole Dick/Richard nickname
scenario was just a mystery to me. I just knew it happened. - But, like, Rick? Rick?
- "I just knew that it happened." Rick? Rick was just like –
it was just there. It was like you come
out of the womb "Rick." - Like, that's what I was thinking.
- Oh, Jesus. But honestly, I think Rick is great. I think he compliments
a lot of his friends. He's like, "These guys are crazy,
and I'm supporting them." In the photo, he's probably
pointing to whoever's birthday it is. - I'd put him at an A.
- Wow. - Yeah. I'll allow it.
- I've got someone special in mind already for an S right now. - It better not be Ted.
- It better not. We will... No, it's – can you go over
to Toby right now? - Oh, I didn't see Toby.
- I do like Toby. - Look at Toby.
- Oh, wow. Are you fucking kidding me right now? That guy is a Toby. - That guy is a Toby.
- I do like him even more because he has such a thick
watermark over his photo. It's one of the lowest-res photos I found. - His thumbs are so long.
- They're so long! - Longer than his head!
- They're so long. - What is happening?
- He's long and slender. - That neck is long, too.
- He's sort of like a case on the value of understanding perspective, because if I didn't know that his thumbs – his hands were closer
to me, I would be like, - "That guy's got huge hands."
- This is such an insult to the model here, but... however. If you're the model, please comment below. We'll get you
in contact with Jarvis - for an apology.
- This isn't even about the model, but the shirt, the – the collar, like, looks too long. - Something's happened, yeah.
- It's too sprawled out. - I just don't understand.
- It looks like an Edwardian ruff. This guy is from the dimension that all of the characters in Spanish textbooks live. - Oh, yeah.
- I believe that that is – I believe that that is a, like, uh – What's the style of it called? Like, Frutiger Metro, Frutiger... Uh, Frutiger Aero? - Do you know what I'm talking about?
- I do not know. Can you look up Frutiger...? - You're gonna have to –
- It's short for Richard. Frutiger Metro. F-R... U- T-I-G-E-R, and then Metro. This is Frutiger Metro. This is like an aesthetic. Ohhhh! That's what that's called? Yeah, this is called Frutiger Metro. Like, it's a Wix or a default Myspace
account kind of aesthetic? Yeah. It's very 2000s, kinda. And then if you replace
"Metro" with "Aero." - Whoa.
- A-E-R-O. I think is what it's called. - This is Frutiger Aero.
- That's Rick. OK. So, this is the most Spanish textbook thing
you could probably have. - Jarvis, take a look.
- It's also the desktop wallpaper. I refuse. - Oh.
- Frutiger Aero. This is a aesthetic that is specific to that
early-2000s Spanish textbooks, kinda like... That's Metro, right there. It's like it says "dónde" and
then spells it out phonetically? - Yeah.
- "Dón-de." So, what I think is that – - This looks like an MTV music festival.
- Right? - He looks like an attendee.
- Or, like, dancing to an iPod Nano, - over there on – yeah.
- Yeah. I think Toby is the definition of a Frutiger Aero - Spanish textbook character.
- Yeah. Example: "¡Muy bueno!" - Whoa, that does work.
- Whoa, yeah. And I think that because of that, Toby is absolutely an S. - Toby might just be an S.
- I can't argue with that. I think his enthusiasm helps, too. And Toby's a cute name. - Right? It sounds likable.
- Toby is a cute name. - Yeah. Li'l Tobester.
- Do you know what Toby is short for? Tobuskus? Such confidence. Regret after it came out, yeah. - Oh –
- Uh, maybe Tobias? It could be Tobuskus. - It could.
- Ignore me. I'm wrong. - Ignore me.
- It may be Richard, - come to think of it.
- I don't know anything about anything. You thought Rick was just a birth name. Sorry, man. I guess I just
don't know much about names. But, uh, yeah, I guess Tobias. - It must be Tobias.
- I hate Michael's energy. Oh, this is like... That's millennial face, right there. - Yeah, he's soyfacing.
- Sorry, guys. - This is a millennial face.
- Michael. - Hey.
- "Uh, I'm not gonna fweaking literally do that." Yeah. "Um, OK, so this
is happening right now?" "Uh, yeah, this is a bit awkward." "They fly now?" - It could also be in a thumbnail.
- Dude, he's a fucking D, man. He's like "Mm, I'm not going to – I'm not going to bed before 1:00 a.m. tonight, because I'm gonna play," - I don't know, fucking craps on the –
- Candy Crush. Oh, yeah, dude. Marvel Snap. The thing that's throwing
me is that, like... Again, not to insult the model, but it looks kind of like he's not
actually making that expression. It looks like someone selected his mouth - and moved it to the corner of his face.
- It looks FaceApped. Yeah. Also, his eyebrow/eye
area is kinda freaking me out. It doesn't look like his eyes are real. It looks like very convincing AI. - Yeah.
- Like, mostly there? Yeah. I'm pissed off about Michael. He's got kind of a nice
shirt, but other than that. He's got a Henley on, I guess? The shirt is the only thing
pushing him towards C, but you might be right with
the D. I just hate the energy. There's a – let's go to the other Michael. I want justice for Michaels here. Yeah, let's go to the
other Michael, for sure. I mean, comparatively, the
other Michael is a huge dub. - The Ted I made is so low-res.
- OK, see, now this Michael is like... You know, this is like Michael at work. He's like, "You're doing so well." Or he is such a yes-man with a joke. This guy is going along with
any shit you throw on the wall. Like, this guy is laughing at your joke. I just walked into the mixer, - and he's like, "Look who it is!"
- He's like "Ah!" And it's like you kinda – You learned his name kinda recently, and it's like your first time
seeing him in a bit, - so you're like...
- "Big man." You're like, "Hey, you." You're reminded about it.
But he's so friendly, and he's very OK with the fact
– 'cause he's understanding, too. He looks – hmm. He looks
tipsy at work. To me. Oh, this is definitely
the mixer. This is post-work, - 7:00 p.m.
- Mixer, for sure. - Yeah.
- But he is also – you're already there. You've been there,
but he hasn't seen you. When you walk
into the group, he's like, - "Here comes trouble."
- He looks like he's saying, "Hey, interns, You're 21. You gotta drink, too." Oh, OK. Here's the thing
I don't like about it, is he's got the physical energy of one of those tweets that's like, "Hey, if no one's said this to you today, you're a rockstar." Now that you bring that up –
no, that's a good point. You bring that up, and it's like, "Don't forget about
what you offer the world." - Like, yeah.
- Yeah. "Be present and thankful for what we have." [JACOB] And like once a month
makes an off-color joke. Yeah, like, "I acknowledge
that that was..." Definitely he could make an off-color joke. That's a very excellent point. He does seem like he would
be like, "It's the medical term!" Also, I think that, like, looking at his face
right now, I think he's... Like... He could be really fucking – Like, he... At some point during your tenure at this job, - he's gonna just snap about something.
- Oh, yeah. He is gonna freak out, and - everyone will be like, "What the fuck?"
- "Jesus." It's gonna be something
really inconsequential. - Typo.
- Like... like... He comes into work and his sandwich isn't
in the fridge, and it's like – but he actually forgot
his sandwich at home. So it's like nobody did anything
to him and he's freaking out. And even when he finds that out, he's like, "OK!" Yeah, like he still has to kinda keep that same energy that
he's been rolling with. - Yeah.
- Yeah. I mean, ugh. - Sorry, Michael. You're a C.
- B. C! C, yeah. Yeah, no – The freak-out freaked
everyone out in the office. We didn't put the other Michael
in the tier list, did we? No, I think Michael and
Michael might be a D. - Yeah. Rough day for Michaels.
- Sorry, Michael. I know. Jesus. My bad.
This might be on me. Also, uh, I know, Ted, you said you
had to go in like 30 minutes like 40 minutes ago,
so I wanna be mindful. - Yeah, but we gotta finish this list.
- OK, cool. I just am acknowledging how long
it's taking us to get through it. He just wants to get to Ted. No, we can put Ted
in D if you want. I don't care. Doesn't look like me. He's not a hot Ted. I think you have to make
the choice for Ted by yourself. OK. I'll put him at B. Wow. OK. - Middle of the road. Mid. Literally mid.
- Well, can I see that guy? Can I see this Ted so I can
make a choice on this? - Yeah. OK.
- Oh. That's like... He's like a worse version of
the Michael that we just rated. - He's gotta be a D.
- OK, the font - and color –
- That dude looks like a fucking roofie Ted. - Shit.
- That guy looks like – - Dude, that's my dad.
- That guy is slimy as hell. That guy looks slimy as hell. - Jesus.
- His sideburns are too long, but not – They're too short to be, like, charming, like mutton chops, - but they're too long to be not
- Yeah. looking like they are, like... - "Hey, guys, here's Ted."
- This guy – "Oh, this book, the cover is telling me everything about it. No need to read it." Can I give...? OK, this is gonna be - a bit of a weird –
- I'm judging a book by its cover? - Very much so.
- Well, listen. I just think that this guy looks like he, like, smokes Marlboro Reds, he like, watched too many... Like, watched Grease too much as a kid, so he thinks that if he has
enough confidence he can, like, be like "I got chills,
they're multiplying," but he can't do that. And, like... He hasn't, like – Yeah, he's a little bit
IRL Peter Griffin for me. - Yeah, I didn't account for that.
- [TED] Yeah. But Peter has a twisted, fucked-up
sense of humor like myself. Yeah, he does have a twisted, messed up, dark sense of humor
that would be hard to... Yeah. I mean, this guy just brings
a bad name to the Teds of the world. I mean, he really is – and you know what? There's a chance that he's actually
not even a real Theodore. He could be an Edward. Whoa, what's the – what's...? Ted can also be a nickname for Edward. I think this is an Edward. - Ohhh.
- Tedward. For that reason, he's in D. - He's a fake Ted.
- Whoa! Fallen from grace. - The grace of two.
- Hey, can't spell "Ted" without D. Yeah. - That's what I say.
- Yeah, just a few letters. - It just does not work at all.
- Yeah. Yeah, Ted for Edward. That is jacked up. - It is a nickname, though.
- I have a – I had a... Theodore, actually. Yeah, no, I had a Theodore friend.
Wait, what's your Ted? - I'm Theodore, yeah.
- A Theodore? That's my name. My full name
is Theodore Kennedy Nivison. - Vision.
- That's very political, like, - leader-sounding.
- 'Cause "Kennedy" in it. I know. It's got "Kennedy" in it. Yes, I get that. Wait, are your – Is the acronym of your name TEN? That's pretty cool. - Wait. TKN?
- [TED] TKN. - [JORDAN] Oh.
- [TED] TKN, Jr. I'm a junior, too. My dad's name
is Theodore Kennedy Nivison. - These are the real Kennedys.
- Did we do the...? Oh, yeah, that's right.
I have the same guy twice for Steve. Steve in the streets, - Stephen in the sheets.
- I would say that Steve on his own there, he's kinda giving me ogle-y eyes right now. He's like, "Hey, haven't
seen you in a while. - What's up? Let's hang out."
- The eye contact is, like, - sustained and unwanted, I feel like.
- Yeah. That is like – he is like
an eye-contact guy. He's also giving me
the same energy from, uh, Robert California specifically,
from The Office. - That's a good read.
- He kinda looks like that actor. Oh, a James Spader of sorts. - Star of The Blacklist and Secretary.
- Yeah, he looks a little bit like him, but in terms of the characters that, like, were slimy. Like, where he's like, "Hey." - You know?
- He does have sales energy. Like, he's the lizard king in this. Imagine he walks up to you
at the bar and just goes, like, "Hey, I'm with her! No, but, uh, seriously, I'm an empath. I would love to spend a little time
talking about it, coffee," and – "Yeah, I just really feel like I feel emotions more than the average guy. And let's be honest; men aren't
allowed to show emotions these days." "Also, my ex is crazy." "Like, she's being insane." "She's being crazy." - "'Oh, where's alimony?' Come on."
- Yeah. - "I spent it on a racing wheel."
- Also, that shirt's insane. - I don't know where it begins and ends.
- What is that? Yeah. It's like he's – like, why would you want - an outline in the middle of your chest?
- It looks like he's wearing a small tie. It's like a button-up
baseball shirt, or whatever. - Yeah.
- It's weird. Yeah, no. - Is it buttoned?
- Is it? - Oh.
- That's an awful shirt. - That's not helping him at all.
- That's an awful shirt. It's a V-neck, and then worse. It's got all the worst qualities
that a shirt can have. Now, a benefit of the Stephen is that I don't think you can
see that part of his shirt. Eh, better angle. - Yeah, much better.
- Yeah, this is like... OK, now we've got, like, a different version of
Stephen, where it's like he's maybe gone through – Like, he's had some
conversations with people, like, "You gotta change your attitude, man." "You're being a little –" This is a new and improved Stephen. - He has MasterChef host stance.
- This almost looks like he's a, uh, a pro baseball player. - Yeah, a pitcher.
- Yeah, maybe a baseball pitcher, and this is his promotional photo - for the big game.
- Yeah. His last name is some random, like, Kratakowski. I was gonna say like Poulapoukos. - OK.
- Like, maybe like - some sort of Greek last name.
- I got you. He does... I think, in baseball in the '30s, - this is the peak of physical fitness.
- Mmhmm. This is the strongest
and fastest guy. Like when you watch
basketball from the '50s, and... - They're walking.
- Yeah. He'll walk out and it'll be like, - "#85, Stephen Poulapoukos."
- Yeah. Back when they gave nicknames to people. - "He throws a 500-mile-per-hour fastball."
- "Here comes Wiggly." "Here comes Big Papi, Stephen Poulapoukos." He calls people "jive." "You're being a little jive
right now, homie!" Yeah, I think this Stephen is
a much higher-quality Stephen. But I would put the first Stephen, with shirt and everything,
that's a D Steve. - I would almost make a new tier.
- But then this Stephen is at least a B. - I'm on the same page.
- Yeah, Stephen can be at a B. There's something powerful – - it's a LinkedIn profile picture energy.
- It's incredible. He's this... Great gaze. - Mm.
- I really like David. - I like David a lot.
- David, now... Now, David is like... - Yeah, I mean –
- I don't know how to describe his posture. I'll tell you one thing. For some reason, David right now is giving me
the same energy as a guy who, like – like, he loves trains. Oh, you've asked about a passion
you didn't know he had. Yeah. This is like, David, I would imagine him sitting on the front of, like, a really, like, sort of – like, not really well-known-about train style that's meant for some sort of really unique, niche purpose. - Oh, like an industrial train?
- Like an industrial train that, like, only operates between Ohio and, like, Ohio and Wisconsin, and they only made like
70 of them or something, or like 5. But his family's
worked in insurance for three generations.
He can't do something else. Yeah, no, I feel like he just loves trains, and he's posing up and
this is going on Facebook. He is gesturing to a... - something (inaudible).
- "Check this out. I found it..." - "I found a train."
- Like he's at a convention right now, a train convention. I just think that he likes trains. I think he goes "ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, ba" as his ringtone. Is that a train – ? Is that like - Thomas the Tank Engine theme song?
- (Ted continues singing) That's the sound when
you pull the little lever. - It plays the whole thing.
- Ba-da-ba-ba. "Train's coming!" - (beeping/singing)
- Jarvis, where's your instinct put David? Just raw? - I'm a huge fan, dude.
- I'm just not as big a fan of David. - Personally. Not for me.
- What's putting you off? - Oof.
- I think he's got a creepy face. - That is a good reason.
- I think, uh – But I don't think he means it, though. - I don't think that he means it.
- He means it. - I don't think he means to have that face.
- He's giving like, um, - high school biology teacher or something.
- Ooh, OK, yeah. No, stats. - I don't like that his shirt is so baggy.
- I think he teaches sproing, or whatever it was that you did at school. - Splonking?
- What was it? Frutiger Metro and Frutiger Aero? - The art class.
- Sprank? - Sloyd.
- Yeah, sloyd. - As silly as the one I did.
- I don't think he's a sloyd teacher. The teachers I had for sloyd
were like those, like, crazy art teachers that are like... Like, um, Mrs. Frizzle - from The Magic School Bus energy.
- Oh, all right. You know what? I also will say, uh, I thought of a more positive
comparison to make with David, and it's the dean from Community. - Yeah! Oh, that's actually helping.
- Yeah. - So I think that'll bring me up to a B.
- It is helping. I'll let him have a B, yeah. - I'm OK with that.
- He's funny, you know? - He's like a fun addition to the cast.
- Now, Nick... - Tread lightly.
- He's interesting. Why does he have a gun?
Why is he armed? - Nick is, like, obsessed with –
- I don't know him. That facial hair cannot be real. It can't be. The mustache is fake. You know how Steve Harvey's beard - is too dense for hair?
- He is, like, lives and works at an REI. It looks like he's in blackface. - Yeah, wait.
- Why is half of his face...? Can you zoom in? - That's a fake mustache.
- It doesn't – it's... - [JACOB] It's all drawn on, yeah.
- It's a drawn-on mustache. - It's almost like stubble with no gaps.
- That's a hard F for me. I'm sorry. - Whoa.
- I mean, there's plenty of other reasons - you could put him there.
- Wait, why is the mustache - so much thicker than the rest?
- 'Cause it's fake also. I mean, that literally
looks like a stick-on. Yeah, I think it is. Is that gun even real? Does this guy...? - What about the bucket hat?
- The gun looks like a cap gun. Also, I should have checked what
the name of this stock photo was. - Dude, that's an incredible stock photo.
- "Man in half a face of blackface." Yeah. "Half-blackface fisherman, carrying." Yeah. I mean, yeah. He looks like he, like, always goes to REI and – No, he doesn't work at REI,
but he always goes to REI and he tries to talk to the people
who work at REI about what they do like he knows more than them. - Like he goes there for fun
- Like Skynyrd. to try to chat about, like – - To win?
- Like camping equipment, and, like, try to beat them in a game of wits. But the people who work at REI are
like, "Why do you keep doing this?" - "We don't care about terminology."
- You try to... Like, they know generally when he comes in and they try to get hours that avoid him because of how much of a fucking annoying person he is. - "Not Thursday. Please, come on."
- Yeah, exactly. - "Nick, what's up?"
- He's holding a gun. What do you mean, we naturally
found Nick where he's holding a gun? And he has fake facial hair.
What's that about? Yeah, there's too many questions. I also – I'll say it.
I don't think his name is Nick. - Definitely not.
- I think he's a sovereign citizen, - and he goes by a –
- His name is Nikolai Francenko. I feel like – (Russian accent) His name
is Nikolai Francenko. (Russian accent) "Hello.
I am American man." "Hello. I am American man. I like to go to REI and –" OK. Alternative take. I feel like his name is Robert Hagerty III. Yeah, dude. And he's a wanted criminal. - Like a barrelled name with dashes.
- Or he legally changed his name to just "Doom." Or maybe he, like,
took an interest in Russia and, uh, created a fake identity
of Nikolai, or whatever. Yeah. I mean, if you look at his eyes, he's got some Russian in him. Like, he's got some kill in him. - Whoa. Those are –
- Whoa. Their natural tendency, of course. - Are you saying that those – OK.
- Yeah, I am. - OK, wow.
- I mean, you could take that to the bank. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Russia = kill. Same vibes. - All right.
- If you're Russian out here – What? It's not racist or something.
Are you calling me racist? - You are one of them.
- Yeah? I mean, it seems
like you're concerned - Russia might take over the world.
- I'm pretty racist against Russians. Do you think we might become
the Rus-state – Rus-of America? Well, we won the Cold War by being colder. - We did win.
- Yeah. We did take a – we did. We won the Cold War
'cause we went to the moon. - We said, "Please don't do this anymore."
- We went, (tssss). - "Sheesh." We sheeshed our way to victory.
- We got ice in our veins. And we went to the moon. Who haven't we – oh,
Peter and Liam, I think. Wait. - Yeah, Peter and Liam.
- Let's see the quality of this Liam. OK, you know what's funny?
This Peter is so on point. - Yeah.
- Because he looks like – OK. - That's a huge Peter.
- Jacob, Google "Peter The Bachelor." That's absolutely why I called him that. - Yeah.
- I'm realizing. I'm racist. - Yeah, dude. He's a pilot!
- The first photo - is the same shirt.
- Is him in the same shirt. - That is the pilot guy, right?
- Yeah. - Whoa.
- That's so funny. Peter looks like he'd
have his pilot's license. But the Peter Weber from The Bachelor seems far more boat-shoe-y. - He is.
- Well, plane-shoe-y. He's a pilot. He's far more Nantucket.
That guy, I would see that guy drunk as hell on a boat in Nantucket. I think Peter is his brother
that does finance. - Yeah. I feel like Peter –
- Peter's a little bit more responsible. Well, he does finance, but then he has a habit of counting cards in Vegas. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, no. He's not – he's, like... He's, like, terrible at blackjack and he's, like... - Can you count cards in blackjack?
- Yeah. - I think. I think that's the main...
- Up to 21. - No higher.
- That's the main way you cheat? - Yeah.
- I think that's the main way you cheat. - That's the big one, right?
- That's the big one. I think you can't do it in Vegas 'cause
they use multiple decks or whatever, but if you use one deck then you can, like, count and do the probabilities or whatever. - Mm.
- Peter could do it. Peter's cracked the code. I will say, also, I think maybe he listens to Joe Rogan, but only the MMA episodes. - Mm.
- Like, avoids – "Political? I don't wanna
know about this." He's an expert on the MMA stuff. He's like, "Do your own research, but hey." Yeah, he seems like the
older, more responsible brother from an early-2000s movie. - Yeah. A Disney original.
- Uh, also, I feel like he's telling me that the fettuccine is one of the best dishes
available at the restaurant. - He's pronouncing it wrong.
- Yeah, the fettu-ky-nee. - Yeah.
- Have you seen that TikTok of, like, white guys after they have
something that's really tasty? - No.
- And they eat something, and they're like: "I mean, come on." - "Oh, brother."
- Yeah, or they have something, like, - "Oh. Oh, wow."
- "OK." "You gotta try this.
You have to try this." Yeah. "You want some?" "I didn't put my mouth in it too much." - "I only used the fork once."
- "Use this fork. You can get in there." - "You guys getting fries?"
- Yeah, I think that's pretty... - I like him. I think he's a B.
- I do like him. I mean, I don't know. - Is it crazy –
- I feel like just, like, for how accurate the photo to image
is to me, I wanna put him in A. - I wanna put him in A, too.
- Yeah. I don't think he's incredible
enough to be in S, you know? He kind of looks like he
could be Derek's brother. He also looks like,
because his name is Peter, he could be another universe Peter Parker. - Oh, yeah, he's Peter C. Parker.
- Yeah. - He kinda looks like Peter A. Parker.
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying. - Another way that he's a perfect cast.
- There he is. - Derek...
- Derek, the squeakquel. I don't wanna put Derek very high, just because he's reminding
me of Toby with his... Yeah. OK, so, uh, Jacob, will you search up "Life with Derek, Disney Channel"? I feel like in some
of these photos the actor who plays Derek - looks like this guy.
- Oh, yeah, dude. He does have the energy
of "former child star that now doesn't need to work." Maybe if you just say
"Life with Derek actor." - This guy lives on residuals.
- This Derek guy on the right seems like he's really into medieval shit. Like medieval video games, movies? Like going to a Renaissance faire, - spending a shit-ton of money on swords.
- Nice. Yeah. - Very expensive outfit.
- Yeah, I'm definitely getting Derek vibes. Um... - Yeah, this is totally a Derek. Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Haircut change, but
otherwise perfectly aligned. Well, this is the Derek that
didn't become a child actor. - Right.
- This Derek has something with, like... There's something about his teeth that makes it seem like he's
kinda got the same bite capacity as, like, a titan from Attack on Titan. Like he can unhinge his jaw? Yeah, it seems like he can unhinge his jaw - and then, like –
- Swallow you whole. I feel like this guy could, like, turn into, like, a, a... a fucking Junji Ito horror. Yeah. If you look away,
he might eat your mom. - Yeah.
- It's a Junji Ito novel called, like, - The White Man.
- Or he'll just grab someone and... - and warp their body into a spiral.
- Hakai. (whooshing) Uh, I mean, he – Yeah, you have to slash him in the
nape of the neck in order to kill him. Yeah. There's no way you
can kill this guy otherwise. This guy seems like
he's almost invincible, other than his weak point. Yeah, we don't know how big he is. - This might be to scale.
- But I would say I just get danger from this man, Danger Derek. where, like, he seems dangerous. And I... - Just for that, yeah, I'd put him –
- C? 'Cause you're afraid? - I'm a little bit worried about this guy.
- That's fair enough. And then Liam is the last one
I think we gotta do. - Just Liam.
- [JACOB] There's Rick. Rick was, was... Rick got C, I believe. - Yeah.
- I could be wrong. And Nick stayed in F. Well, I did slip up with
a low-res photo for Liam. I'll admit that I made a mistake there. The original photo was also a very long portrait image, so
I had to cut off a lot of his body. - He is wearing blue jeans, if that helps.
- OK. - It's not in the image, but...
- Liam seems like... You know, he seems – at first
I was a little bit off-put, but then I'm looking at him and
I'm like, "He wants to be included." You know? He looks like he's like, "You don't have to put me in the tier list. - It's all good if it's full."
- Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just don't want him to be, like, too implicative with his, like, wanting to be included thing.
Some people can be rude about it. Oh, I see what you mean.
You can be, like, difficult? - Yeah. Like, "Oh, it's fine."
- Passive-aggressive? Like, where it's like... Yeah, I just feel, you know... He's, like, half-addressing
his social concerns. Like, he's just gonna talk about it. Unwilling to express? Yeah. Like, didn't get invited to a wedding? But then he makes it a thing,
like, "Yeah, I just..." It's like, "Come on, man.
What are you doing?" "You guys wanna stick around?
No, you had that dinner without me." - Yeah, exactly.
- "Cool, cool, cool." And it's like, "That doesn't make
us wanna invite you more. That makes us want to invite you less." "Did you guys see
Stranger Things season 4?" How about that? Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. You're like, "No," and he's like, "OK." It feels like he kinda... And I know I mentioned medieval before, but it seems like he watches that show about, like, comparing
the different martial arts and seeing how strong the kicks are
and stuff in certain forms of martial arts. I thought you were
gonna say Deadliest Warrior. - I think that's what I'm talking about.
- Oh, yeah? Where a pirate fights a dog? Yeah, I think this guy's
a big fan of Deadliest Warrior. He feels like a history buff who, like,
will "well, actually" you about things. Oh, yeah. And mostly correctly. Yeah, mostly correctly, but not in a way - that makes him more happy.
- But from just looking at him, I feel like he's a good guy. I feel like
he would get married and not divorced. - Yeah. That's true.
- Yeah. I'll, honestly, give him... - I like him more than –
- I think he's also Mormon. Oh. OK. That's... I was gonna put him in B, but – And I think he went on a mission,
but it was like Tulsa. Oh, dude, he's fluent
in Spanish from mission trips. Oh, you think he went to, like, Costa Rica? - Yeah.
- Or went to, like, uh... like... - Yeah.
- Fucking Mexico? - An eventful gap year.
- [JACOB] He has a secret. - He also has a secret, yeah.
- You think he has a secret. - Oh, yeah, this cheeky little bastard?
- Yeah, he probably had, like, a margarita in Mexico
while he was on his mission, - and he's holding that in from, like,
- Oh, goodness. his parents and his family,
and he's like, "I strayed from Joseph." That's like soaking, yeah.
You can't get in trouble for it. Oh, he totally soaked, or he did whatever that thing is - where it's –
- Gross. I hate that term. Or, I mean, I hate
thinking about it. Ugh. Oh, I love thinking about it. - [TED] It's hilarious.
- About soaking? - You look a little too excited, actually.
- Are you kidding me? Yeah, no, it's... All right, fellas, final, uh, decision on Liam? I will throw him in the C. - I know C's getting kinda stacked.
- Yeah. But I don't like him
as much as any of the Bs. I think he's nice enough, though, and I think that he's not gonna – I don't think he's ever gonna,
like, hurt anyone in his life. I do like him more
than any of the Cs, though. - I think he's a B.
- Can we put him at the bottom of B? Like, if we ranked it like...? Just imagine him as like
a C+ or something, yeah. Oh, wait, but now he's below... Damien, or – not that. Who is – did I ever – ? - Oh, Simon.
- Simon. - But he felt like a Damien.
- Damien, yeah. Can you pull him to the right of...? Oh, yeah, we like him more, I guess. Oh. Oh, no. Yeah. - That's good.
- Yeah, perfect. - And look, he's admiring Simon. Perfect.
- Yeah, he is. - All right.
- [JACOB] "Wow, Simon, you're so strong." "That's so cool. Do you do
wakeboarding, you said?" "That's epic. I've always
wanted to try it." Thanks for indulging me in
my game. It felt educational. I got a call from Iran. - OK.
- Do you need to take it? No, I just got a call from Iran. Where are they going? Amazon.com, you've been charged, uh, $1,200 on your default
card saved on Amazon.com. If you've not made such a transaction, uh, - then press 1 to cancel.
- That's funny. - They're talking as if we're on the phone.
- Yeah. - Is it like an iMessage number?
- And they're gonna say, like, uh, - "E-mail us at AmazonXYZ123."
- Yeah, dude, that's a scam call. Dude, a scam call
from Iran. That's crazy. [JACOB] "Give us your password
if you didn't make the transaction." - "What's your address or some shit?"
- Yeah. They should have probably
made the call from Seattle. Right. - Yeah.
- You Google "headquarters of" – yeah. Um, all right, Ted, well
thank you so much for joining us. Yeah, thanks for having me, man. Uh, there's bonus episodes. I'll admit it. Oh, yeah. So, um, on the bonus today, I'm gonna talk about, uh, how I almost got into a fight on a plane leaving TwitchCon. Um, so, uh, you'll have to head on over
to Patreon.com/SadBoyz for that if you'd like. You can
subscribe for as low as $5 a month. And I will be addressing Sitting-gate. Some people have continued to discuss the way that I sit on the podcast. You guys sit like a little... - like a little guy.
- Stop, please. - Don't give them ammunition, please.
- How do you sit? You sit like, um... I mean, you do sit kinda like
a high-school art teacher. No, this is so much worse
than what they're saying. You seem like you could do
crisscross applesauce anywhere. - Mmhmm.
- Yeah, I'm trying to connect with the students. I'm trying to
explain why art is good – whatever. Thanks, everyone,
for listening to the show. Ted, you have a podcast. Oh, I do, and it's called Chuckle Sandwich. If you wanna watch it, then
you can watch the first episode – - or the episode we did –
- [JARVIS] The first episode? You can watch the
episode we did with Jarvis during our Chuckle Week,
where he came into the studio. - I did. It was a very cool studio.
- Little pop-up thing. It was a grand old time. And I, uh, tried to figure out
Schlatt's sense of humor. - Uh... in the moment.
- [TED] Which is a bit of an enigma. Yeah, no, you definitely were
a little bit of a baptism by fire there. - Yeah.
- I'd say that's true, first time meeting him. Yeah, and he just was showing you - the secret phone.
- The secret phone. I think I busted out a phone, - a second phone that I pulled out.
- You did bust out a phone. No, it was good. He's got like
five different phones that he, like – It's called money tree.
You ever heard of this? - No.
- He's just sending money to each of these phones,
and somehow it increases it. - Oh. Right.
- [TED] It's not legal. - Yeah, it's like a infinite money glitch.
- Whooooa. - Literally.
- Anything else you wanna shout out, Ted? Uh... no. I wanna shout out the Patreon for Sad Boyz. Go send my beautiful boys some cash money. Yeah, there's a bunch of – I don't know;
there's like 30 episodes of stuff there - if you want your extra Sad Boyz fix.
- [JORDAN] True. You can get it for as low-low-low as $5,
and then you get all the episodes. - Oh!
- Um, but! Uh, with all that being said,
we end every episode of Sad Boyz with a particular phrase: - [JARVIS & JORDAN] We love you.
- And we are sorry. - [J&J] Boom!
- Let's jump into these voicemails. I wanna hear – I wanna hear
the voice of the people. [CALLER] Most embarrassing
story, here we go. Picture this: it's third grade. I'm like, what, nine years old? - So I ended up just (bleep).
- (both laughing) That is the ultimate prank.
That was Ashton Kutcher. Holy shit. (outro music)
