Hello and welcome to "More-Sided Dive." Hey. Oh boy. It's game time because tonight, we're playing We're Doomed. Are we?
We are. Oh, we are going to play it. In this game, the world
is coming to an end. We're going to play as
a powerful world leader or five world leaders attempting to build a rocket ship to save humanity AK.
We can do it. We can do it. I believe in us. Y'all accidentally chose
these before we started to match parts of our outfits. Oh me god.
Yeah. USA.
Completely unintentional actually. And we're going to work together. We must work together
to accomplish this task. Only those with the
most Influence will survive. This is how the game works. And did I mention we'll only
be playing for 15 minutes? That's how we do it. And literally, 15 minutes, and then the game ends time.
There's a timer. Each round ends. Each round has two phases. We'll start with a Take Action Phase, and then where we each take one action in a clockwise order from the first player. And then, let's see, then we produce a resource. We invade, steal a resource, or even nuke to eliminate another player. I don't know know why I'm pointing at you two.
No way. Those are different actions you can take. Yes.
It's who gets to nuke for less.
Me. You.
Oh, that's you. Okay.
Yeah, each-- For the motherland. Yeah, each of us can use the same actions. Do, yes. But each of each of us have a specific benefit that we have. What are the benefits? Ooh. Yours can nuke for five resources instead of eight.
Five resources instead of eight, yep. I can gain two Influence on an indoctrinate
action as opposed to one. Oh, nice. I'm a tech boy. I can do three resources instead of two. That's pretty good.
Oh. Yeah. 'Cause I can propagandize, I can steal other
people's Influence for free. Oh.
Oh, that checks out. That sounds right. I invade for free. Nice.
That is democracy. Yeah.
Democracy. Wowsers.
Oh, this is too real. Here we go.
Too real, guys! In the round after everyone
has taken one action, we'll begin with the Contribution Phase. We will contribute. There's no order in this phase. We all just kind of declare
how much of our resources we want to contribute to the project. And then whomever
contributes the most resources in the round is awarded the
First Player Coin, there it is, and an Influence coin, and then you draw an event card, which will shake things up. Clandestine events are
read silently (shushes) and Public events are read out loud, we all know what they are. So let's begin by figuring out what types of governments
we'll be playing as. I think we've picked them. We've also explained them a little bit.
Yeah. Fully thought that mine was not actually talking about my card. Just what democracies do. Yeah, and I feel like-- I was like, "Oh, it's telling
me what I do in the game." I thought it was just a fact.
Yeah. Yeah, I guess you have this. You're democracy, you're?
Yes. Corporatocracy. Corporatocracy, you're?
Yeah. Ooh, I'm a the technocracy.
I'm a good corporation. Matt: Technocracy? Yeah, yeah, and then-- I'm a theocracy. Oh.
Yeah. Hence the indoctrination. And I'm an autocracy. (claps) And we'll start with the first player, and then we'll work, what are you? Get that one first.
What are you saying? No, no, no, I mean, I think
we should really work-- An autocracy. We gotta work it out. Plan it, work together.
We gotta work together. We don't do anything to trick each other. Game starts now! Ah!
Oh, wait! I go first?
You're first. That's right. I go first! One movement.
(claps) Okay, okay, okay.
Move, take an action, take an action. I will produce to gain two resources. I will just do the basic one 'cause I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to go ahead and indoctrinate to gain two Influences instead of one. Whoa, two Influences.
I'm really bad at this. It's awful.
(laughs) I gotta do my special thing. Oh, oh, I, oh, oh, oh, I'm a tech guy. Ooh, 'cause all tech guys are nerds. And I'll take three, I'll produce three. Oh, I really like working with everyone. I'm loving it. I'm going to take some Influence. Oh, snap out of it.
Ooh, oh wow. Snap out of it. I'm going to invade. I'm taking your resources. Oh.
Two? Two of 'em.
Yeah. Wow, man, you're just--
Oh, oh. Great, so now what do we do?
We're free! Okay, that was the one round. Now, we all contribute resources. Now, we contribute.
Now, we all go around and contribute to the center. That's the worst. Well, I'll, wait, are you?
You don't have to be that. Is you--
You could be a Cthulhu church, Matthew. Wait, wait, can I look now? Oh no.
And are you just supposed to be Cher?
Oh, wait, this is consequence? Yup. Your consequence is that you're just Cher? I'm the host of this episode.
There's a timer. Oh, there's a timer.
There's a timer for the game.
This is important! We have to get through-- No, put it down, we can't know! Okay, all right, now, what do we do? We all contribute, who's contributing? You go first.
You go first. I will throw in one. I've got nothing to contribute. Is this your Cher?
Oh. I'm not good at impressions. Wait, are you Cher? Oh my goodness.
No! I'm not! The thing wants me to be, but I cannot be! ♪ If I could turn back time ♪ You can't read that.
I don't know that I do that. You can't read it! It's got an objective. Oh my god.
Fuck you, Kyle! You did this to me.
Oh my god. Dani: How is it Cher? (laughs) I didn't get all, I didn't get through it.
I don't have anything to contribute.
Ah, it's your turn. I don't have anything to contribute. You have resources.
I threw in one. I'll contribute two. Oh, Dani.
Oh. I'll also contribute two. Oh, we get to vote.
Oh, for total of? So now, we all have to vote. We have to vote and see who keeps it. I'm sorry.
Who, who? On the count of three, we all point to who we think wins the round and gets the Influence token.
Oh god, but she can nuke us. One, two, three! (gasps) Wait. One, two, three wins.
Oh, it's a tie. No, it's Marisha.
No, that three wins 'cause they're pointed to themselves.
It's a tie, oh. Oh, it's a tie.
Yep. It's 'cause you're all afraid. No, because you stole from me! It's 'cause you're all afraid! And I didn't do nothing wrong. That makes perfect sense. (gasps) What?
Okay. And then I gain an Influence. All right, and I pull end of that. Ooh, it's Clandestine. Laura: Okay, does that
mean only you can know? Yes.
And then you're the first player now too, right? For our video format.
Okay. Laura: Go again. (chuckles) Dani: Zoom in. Get her face. You gotta do the tongue thing. Laura: Yeah, oh. Oh, so. Oh. You're doing great. You're doing great, baby,
Don't know what I'm doing. Oh, you're doing so good.
You're a great impersonator, Matthew.
I hate this. My whole back is warm and oomph. Dani: Same, though, I'm so hot. Interesting, okay. Dani: And not in a good way. Robbie: Oh, we did an event.
Was that a Clandestine one? It was.
Oh shit. But I have the first, so I go firstie. So let's go, I will, ah, oh goodness. Take action? Is that what's next? Yeah, she takes an action again. Yes, I'll just-- We can do this until the timer ourselves?
I'll produce again. Yes.
Okay. And then we're done. I feel like you're working the people of your nation hard for these resources. Work hard, oh wait, what is that?
That is some Influence. Robbie: Oh, it's all mixed up, it's all mixed up.
That's not supposed to be in there.
Yep. Work harder! That sounds like a good plan. Fucking kill me.
No. Laura: It almost sounds
like you're doing Bill Clinton. I don't know what I'm doing, Laura! I will--
I regret everything! I will produce.
No, I'm the democracy. I'll produce again. Yeah, this is so real.
Yeah, I'm going to produce as well. But you need to watch more Cher movies. I haven't watched a
Cher movie in so long! Snap out of it! What are you going to do?
Everything I know was through "Drag Race." Invade.
Ah. I'm invading you 'cause
you're sitting here. Oh man, you're not making friends?
You're close. You're not making friends here. Is that it? That was everything? Do I ever? Everybody contribute. I can't contribute 'cause the democracy took all of my stuff. Oof. I will, let's see.
(sighs) You have three. I will hold on to them this time. Robbie: You'll hold on to them? Yeah. Something about Clandestine.
This game makes me feel dirty.
I'll contribute one. Oh, I'll also contribute one. Oh no! What order are we going in? Whenever, it's anybody can up it.
Oh, okay, I'll do my two. Okay.
Just kill. Somebody nuke me please. Anybody wanna up it? One, two, three. (gasps) Oh.
Oh. Okay, I think that's it, right? That's it?
All right. Give me that sweet sweet.
I'm out of everything though. And I get an Influence, right?
You get an Influence? Yep.
Let's go. Draw an event. It is Public! "History repeats itself. discard this card, shuffle the deck, then draw a new event card." Okay, sure, sure.
Oh, okay. We don't have time, that much time. We don't have that much time.
Yeah, that's it. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
You have to shuffle before you can have it?
No, you don't shuffle them. No, you don't? I thought it said, yeah.
But that one said specifically, "Two shuffle." Oh, okay, sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, another Public
event, "Nuclear proliferation!" No!
"Starting with the player to your right and moving counterclockwise, each player may take up to
eight resources from The Project. From The Project?
From The Project? Oh, I'm the last one to go. Oh, you're gobbling. Up to, oh, got me. Up to eight, up to eight.
But a counterclockwise. Go around counterclockwise. Oh no! I just wanted to get in there. I thought we were just all going every man for himself.
You're the last one to go. I know, I don't have anything. Yeah. Look, I just gotta go to megachurch, okay? Laura: That's not Cher.
(laughs) Don't know! Oh, it's my turn. You don't get it. Wait, I didn't take a turn?
Oh, well, shit. I only pulled a card, I
didn't take a turn, so I'm-- Well, there's nothing left
in there for the rest of us. (laughs) Take this. I'm going to produce again, I'm productive, that's what I do.
Oh, oh, you're the first. That's what I do good.
You produced three? I do produce three, that's my boon. Oh, cool. It's my turn?
Yes. I am going to, (sighs) man, I can, I'm going to-- You have something to say? Oh, I'm sorry. I don't
know what else to do. I'm just going to produce some stuff. It doesn't matter 'cause this democracy's going to keep
stealing my stuff, all right. Marisha: Omar, don't poop on the side. I'm going to invade, but I'm going to invade that theocracy because I think you're
a sin against my god. Oh. (laughs) Give me two. Omar!
(gasps) Come here, baby. I don't agree with your religious politics. Separation of church
and state, but not really. Sorry. Wait, did I? What did I do? Oh, I spin. Okay, we're good. That's it! So we're back here, right? Yeah, did you go? Wait, did I go? I didn't go.
No, Robbie went first. You haven't gone and Matt? It's your turn, yeah,
yeah, yeah, you're up, you're up, you're up.
Take your action. Yeah.
Stop. I'm going to spend the resource (chuckles) to steal an Influence. And it's going to be-- Oh, you suck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(laughs) I'm sorry.
I'm the hardworking, go-rah-rah-rah country. I know, but you can--
Yeah, you're not country. Oh, you are.
You can afford it. I'm not a country. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we all countries? I think so.
No, I'm a corporation. You're just a tech giant.
You're a corporate company. Technically, none of us are countries. Oh!
We're just governments. Just never mind, I almost said it. So close.
Okay. Again, this game
makes me feel really dirty. Okay.
Uh-huh. I wanted to.
(smooches) It's all you.
Around this way. Go, Cher. (laughs) Do it. Dani: You're struggling
so hard to not talk to us. Laura: Oh. (laughs) (chuckles) (laughs) This is my hell. This is my personal hell. Guess we're going to pray and take, gain two resources for our theocracy. To take his Influence?
It's not even, it's not even Bill.
You know it. It is Bill Clinton, but it's Dana Carvey--
Yeah, it's Bill Clinton. Doing Bill Clinton in "The Dana Carvey Show."
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who else remember 1995?
So what? So now, we all contribute. It's contribution time. Everybody contribute.
And I think I start. I will start, I'll start low, I'll do one. I'll put one in the kitty. You guys, by the way,
no one's going to space right now.
No one's going to space. No, we're all dead.
No, we're not. We're all fucked.
We're all dead. We're all dead.
That's why, look, the theocracy fucked everyone by taking eight resources out. Dani: He needs it for his pool. Oh, now, he's evil. He's even scarier when
he's not talking like Cher. ♪ If I could turn back time ♪ We're fucked. Anybody else?
Whose turn is it? No, no, no, no, you gotta contribute. We're still bit, we're still picturing it. Oh, right.
I'm not going to contribute. You're not gonna contribute?
I'm going to contribute one. One? All right, I'll contribute one. Well, you got peer-pressured real fast. No, we're in this together. I'm going to contribute one. Yes, Theocracy.
Two. Laura: Theocracy
not contributing anything. Is that it? You just gonna sit on your resources?
Laura: They just wanna nuke people. Okay, gang, I'm gonna take my influence chip then and move it right along. Here we go. I'll keep my player card. Another public event. "Neo-hoodism. Due to mass ignorance, the population has decided that technology is inherently evil. All: No. A violent, destructive return of an agrarian lifestyle is our only hope for salvation. For the rest of the game,
no technocracy may produce. (gasps) Keep this card face
up for the rest of this, not round, game.
Laura: Game. Dani: Oh, buddy. Marisha: Oh, no. I can't produce. That's so you can steal. With what? You're gonna have to invade the theocracy next to you. Okay, your turn. Okay. (groans) I'm going to indoctrinate. This has been wrong for me, so therefore it's wrong for you. (Matt laughing)
And I'm going to gain one influence. I'm going to invade as a corporation. You and I, we're gonna talk,
we're gonna talk about things and I'm gonna take some resources from you. Robbie: He no longer
has nuclear capabilities. Don't be mad Cher. The church of Cher. Marisha: The church of Cher. I would never go to.
I would say, I subscribe. I'm gonna propagandize and it's gonna be by spending a resource and I'm gonna steal an
influence from the autocracy. (gasps) Gimme. Nab it. Well F. One, two, three, four, five, okay, well you can't nuke us. Damn. All right, I'm just gonna produce. Laura: All right, so quiet. What are you gonna do, Cher? Robbie: I'm scared. Dani: I'm scared of any other.
Laura: You're just not talking. Stockpiling over here, stockpiling. You should call it out, what you're doing. Laura: Yeah, what's your action? What did you just do? We don't know. What are people who are watching?
'Cause this is a video program. I'll just produce something funny. (Laura laughing) You know what I love? This game isn't fun anymore. (players all laughing) I love about you, Matt, is
though that you're sticking to your consequences. Yep.
Yeah. Proud of you. So, that's it, contribution time? Laura: Yeah.
Marisha: Yeah. (sighs) Robbie: How much-?
Well, you can't contribute anything. Robbie: I can't. Where did this, what is this? Oh, that was the one that I spent. I can't put it into the project.
Laura: Oh, okay. I can't reach. I'm little. Okay. I'm going to contribute two. Robbie: Wow. I'll contribute two.
It's very noble of you corporation.
Thank you. You're welcome.
I'm a good corporation. Dani: We tend to work hand-in-hand. Robbie: You got it? Okay. Sure? Laura: The church
isn't contributing anything. Dani: (laughs) Robbie: 22 to two? Who is it? Marisha: Three. Well she's gonna be able
to outbid me, but three. Robbie: Three?
All right. Four.
(gasps) Love it.
Laura: I'm worried. Robbie: You goosed it. Yep. Marisha: Okay. ♪ If I can turn back time ♪ She has other songs. I like that no one is
finishing the song. ♪ If I could find a way ♪ I saw Cher in concert. Laura: You did?
Oh yeah, it was fucking awesome. I was a kid, but it was.. The first concert my mom saw as well.
We're running out of time. (clapping)
All right, sorry. Here's a public one, moving speech. Move about the room while giving a gruff but uplifting speech to your compatriots. Gain one influence for each player whose shoulders you
touch during this speech. You may not gain more than one influence per player. Wait, what? I don't understand. Can't you just go around and touch everybody's shoulders? I can but, I will make a rousing speech. I don't understand. We're running out of time. Hey, P.S, it's 40 resources
for one seat on this rocket. Yeah, no we're definitely not. Do you believe?
Laura: You're going to use all our time. In life after love? (laughing) I can feel something inside me say. I can feel it too.
Yeah. I really don't think you're strong enough.
♪ You're strong enough now♪ It's not your speech. (laughing) Do you believe in life after love? ♪ After love after love ♪ ♪ After love ♪ It's not your speech either (laughing) She's touching me. Are you done?
'Cause we're outta time. So that every
Robbie: Everybody gets nimble in?
Speaker: Fuck, I forget the rest of the lyrics. We all get influenced? You touched our shoulders
and we all get influenced? So wait no, I get influenced. Robbie: Oh just you
get influenced. Get influence for each player
whose shoulders you touch. Oh my gosh.
But I don't think I get it from, I think I just gain it.
Yeah. From the stockpile. There's four. But I didn't, is this your influence? Laura: Yeah.
You don't take it from us? How's it worded? Move about the room while giving a gruff but uplifting speech to your compatriots. Gain one influence for each player whose shoulders you touch. Guys, guys, what are we doing?
What are we doing? Marisha: You may not game
more than one per player. Two... Yes, three, four.
Marisha: So, that's it. (player yelling indistinctly) Okay.
We're not getting off of this today.
Okay. We are definitely not. I will... Laura: He's about to nuke us anyway. I will spend one resource to gain this influence 'cause it's funny. To get the seat for yourself, huh? ♪ I got you babe ♪ Laura: Who are you nuking? Myself. (group laughing) Dani: Can you do that? The God's will protect me. (Dani laughing) And my nightmare, my watch is over. Go.
Robbie: Oh my God. I will...
Was it until you're dead you have to do Cher? While I'm playing the game. I'm outta the game now.
Laura: That's funny. (laughing) There's nothing to do.
I can't produce anything. You can't do anything.
I can't do anything. You could steal resources, but there's no resources.
But there's no resources to steal. You could steal one resource. I can't even do that. I was just reading it upside down earlier. I just read that.
I will gain one. I'll just indoctrinate
my followers yet again in a sad state of the end of the world, I'm gonna steal one of their influence. I'm gonna produce. See that's a thing that democracies do too. Producing. (Marisha laughing) Again. And we're out of time. Contribute. Marisha: Okay. I was hiding two all along. Dani: I'll contribute. (yelling) (Matt laughing) Shit.
No way. You can't hide it. That's amazing.
That's fully cheating. That was fully cheating.
Laura: That was a full cheat. That is fully, what a technocracy would do.
Which is technically.. Of course, it was under the firewall. Cheating is something you can do because it's not relevant now. 'cause the game is over. If you are ever caught cheating, undo that cheat and discard this card to avoid any endgame consequences, or social repercussions. Is that really the one you pulled? That's the one I pulled
if I was caught cheating, but I didn't cheat. I don't know how (indistinct)
Is it cheating to steal your card? (laughing) You guys.
Can you literally just take somebody's influence as cheating. What is cheating?
Marisha: I guess so. Robbie: Two, four, six, eight, 10, 12, 14, 17. 17? I literally cheated. Matt killed himself and
we all died in Armageddon. Yep.
We all died in Armageddon. Matt: Yep. Marisha: But you know what?
Matt: That's exactly what happened. I died on top with the most influence.
Laura: Yeah. It doesn't matter.
So, we all died, but I'm
taken y'all down with me. That's exactly correct. We should have all been producing. Sure. That's really all it would take is everybody produce.
I tried. Marisha: Produce and you just all co-operate.
But I could invade for free. Yeah. But I was knee capped. I wasn't allowed to do the one thing that I do, which is produce. I wanted to nuke someone so bad 'cause I could do it for cheap. But then like I was like, this game is not gonna be long enough to make it worthwhile. Laura: Yeah.
So wait. So, that's it. We're done.
Yeah. We did it. We are in fact doomed.
Yeah, everyone lost. Laura: I really wanna like play again and make us be better. I think, if we're gonna
be real about it though, we all lost. But no one lost more than me. Laura: Yeah, that's true. You really did lose. So my consequence
was, read this to yourself. Whoever destroys the
tower of inquiry in episode 24 of Four-Sided Dive,
must play They're Doomed, while doing their best Cher impression. Doesn't say a good Cher impression. Laura: Their best.
Just their best. I have never in my life--
Marisha: You did something. --attempted a Cher impression. Laura: There you go.
I've not studied her mannerisms, or voice enough beyond a
cursory listening of impressions of her in Drag Race years ago. I'm so sorry to all of
you, especially Cher. I know you're a critter and I'm so sorry you had to hear that. You know we love you and I'm gonna immediately
go back and watch Moonstruck and Mermaids to make up for this. Moonstruck was such a so good movie. Laura: Mermaid's such a good movie. Mask.
Mask, yeah, also great.
Great man. Cher's an incredible.
Wait, what's the witches? Marisha: Yes.
The Witches of Eastwick. Witches of Eastwick. So good. She's great, I'm sorry. Completely informed my
life, Witches of Eastwick. Well I'm apologizing to you too. Yeah.
As your husband, I'm so sorry that you had to endure that. But that's all the time we have
for More-Sided Dive. What an easy and normal way to finish. (laughter) I should be thanking them for having me on. But I do want to thank Matthew Mercer, Marisha Ray, Laura Bailey, and of course our lovely lore keeper Dani Carr. Matt: Yeah. I'm Robbie Daymond. Your 24th and maybe last tavern keeper. (Matt and Laura laughing) And here's the outro, or whatever. Bing bong, see you later. ♪ Friends around the table ♪ ♪ Time to celebrate ♪ ♪ It's a party hit the lights here we go ♪ ♪ Go go go ♪ ♪ Waste the night away
with a little escape ♪ ♪ It's a chance to lose control ♪ ♪ So let's just leave this world behind ♪ ♪ Everybody come on take a dive ♪ ♪ One by one we roll the dice ♪ ♪ Come on, let's roll ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Pour another round your
friends are here to cheer you on ♪ ♪ Critical role ♪ ♪ Throw it back it's
good times all night long ♪ ♪ Let's go critical role ♪ ♪ No way to lose when
you're having this much fun ♪ ♪ No way to lose when
you're having this much fun ♪ Dani: You did so good. I was like, oh this is
your weird theocracy-- I fully thought that's what that was.
Marisha: --voice. And then you said, "Snap out of it" and I was like oh no. (upbeat music) (dramatic theme music)
