[Vinesauce] Joel - Two Worlds

guys it's time to play this other game that we have tonight and what is this game exactly well i'm going to show you it is none other than the classic uh erotic role-playing game known as two worlds developed exclusively for the ouya back in 2069 this game features the only explicit hardcore sex scene between a a donkey and a viking this game is banned in serbia and it the band just got listed lifted is it is that that wallheim game i've heard so much about shoulder pads this is the living killer by the way tonight's stream is sponsored by raid shadow legends you want to get in the game right well i have five percent hope for the new vlark skelter code you want to invite all your friends to rage shadow legends well i'm here to guide you through the first steps in introducing the game to a new audience tonight i've been playing with my friends billy bob and uh i was looking at is to see if it works out any nipples because some games just omit nipples like they don't want to draw me out too oh my god this game really stands out i think when i see these orcs and these armor dudes you can really go like oh that's that's that's two worlds right there man you know it doesn't look like every [ __ ] piece of fantasy dark fantasy game that's ever been made no different [Music] why would an orc have armpit hair does he shave is he a fancy orc does he have like a pedicure [Music] it just looks like if you're thinking if the oven is on two worlds okay i'm sure if i played two worlds one i would have totally got in that cutscene but oh no wait is this on this isn't it mmorpg no it isn't but why don't i have like a season pass i thought this game was like from the year two no it's not why does he have such tiny arms he looks like a little start new game okay okay i gotta play with the controller for some reason but i'm fine with that difficulty level oh god my this game is so bad it [ __ ] up my thing shoulder width no no no no no no go back i want to make like a little t-rex man uh that's that's that's really smart armor it's like if you're a arab dude wait wait this those are the daedric uh the the daedric dawn dudes in oblivion look exactly the same once again your brother defies me in attempts escape this isn't like a comedy is it for sustaining your fragile body i'm gonna i need to press escape i god damn stop stop stop in the name of the lord i wanna go quit yes i'm gonna quit i wanna make a new character start new game and i need to i wanna go back oh there we go shoulder width torso length leg height facial grit [Laughter] okay okay who looks the funniest yeah there there we go that that's a guy eye color can you have vampire eyes no okay skin tone okay i can't just be like vegeta not vegeta piccolo man i can't be green actually this this looks funnier in my opinion because it's like he's short yeah but if he's got like really long legs and a really short short arms okay what do you guys want short legs or long legs t-rex t-rex long long long okay oh here we go man this game looks incredible already i'm sad not every game can be cyberpunk where you can customize your generals i thought that was a really smart move you know because now every game that i play i'm just like how do i how do i see if my dong is like extra large direct or small there were more options you didn't scroll down okay this is the third time i do it quit yes start new game shoulder width yes torso length leg height okay it's like the same same guy but uh okay facial facial hair okay okay i can't just have like a neck beard okay hair here we go okay here's all the final fantasy haircuts can i please just be balding no i don't wanna i don't look like like you know i don't look this i wanna look like a bald monster actually this one looks pretty good jesus christ i don't know why but the way this guy looks he looks like every like early american idol um person that came in that sang really badly and it's always simon be like sure bloody dreadful it's gonna be a no for me dog oh man i can't even shoot okay hair color pink pink pink you know you know actually you know what he does [ __ ] look like he he does look like chad kroger lord his photograph every time i do remember okay now i have like funny funny ice okay angle super angry okay eye size wait really small eyes please yes good old butthole eyes eye height oh no [Laughter] really low please yes idep is this oh jesus squint something is not right in the waters at two two worlds okay full full eye what does it look like eye distance shut up inside corner height nostril with yes yes oh no what the hell i said if you want to turn your mediocre game into something good just give me the options to like make something like this [Laughter] oh god broken nose okay now now this is getting ridiculous [Laughter] for [ __ ] sake cheekbone depth oh no i really can't okay we gotta make it like really skinny and weird looking okay actually i don't know what i want to do owen wilson lip that oh no i can give him like really sensual lips okay actually actually small lips might be but i'm not sure what what looks worse mouth with okay i don't know he looks like a dog please tell me i can make him smile okay now he's he's getting like straight up like instagram instagram lips look at how handsome he is how who the [ __ ] does he look like it's like somebody i know chin size [Laughter] you know when you sat in 2006 and made your oblivion character look good in front and it's the moment you like went to the side horizontally it's like oh jesus it doesn't even look good in front you know [Laughter] okay guys guys facial girth 10 or 1. twin size oh that that's good that's good okay i think i don't know what it looks like but he's he's so bad you know what he looks like you know what this guy looks like it's gonna be so [ __ ] up you know this [ __ ] looks like it's tiger king oh god oh what the hell man [ __ ] oh jesus oh let's see if it aligns yeah and then you then you like for [ __ ] for [ __ ] sake for [ __ ] sake god damn it wait i just gotta flip it i just gotta flip it man i gotta flip it no no not like that not like that rough flip wrong flip there we go and then then you got okay you tell me there's not a [ __ ] get out of here get out of here tiger king all right so joe exotic is going to be okay uh zoom in zoom out i'm just gonna do this all right here we go this game is now going to become incredible because like i i just spent a jackass with it okay john's son exotic okay once again your brother defies me i'm sorry my microphone stretched out too fragile music play soundtrack sound device oh wait what okay what the [ __ ] all right hang on let me let me see if i can increase the volume here okay okay hang on let me see if i can find there it is okay here we go open tab serial key what what what is that why is that okay that face is not normal okay that that face is [ __ ] up i think my game crashed everybody are you serious are you serious for [ __ ] sake gay [ __ ] crashed what i mean you can't be serious man you cannot be serious do i barely started the [ __ ] game oh no no no it's back the game displayed this game as i can like a serious issue needs to be closed down and then it still [ __ ] works [Applause] what what's happening back to gaming what is happening what what in god's name is that such a delicate vessel i can't see the game oh okay [Laughter] welcome home the next place we'll put you will be far less forgiving than the dungeon it's a different word you'd be wise to remember that lock them up lock them up i don't know what crime it did but this [ __ ] it's just too ugly for the world man it's like quasimodo or something [Laughter] [Music] [Music] he looks like what's that 80s actor anthony says who are you talking about i'm not gonna hurt you we're here to help yeah i need like plastic surgery but oh he did the rock wig you see that he did the little eyebrow oh no okay you can tell this game is like from a thousand years ago because the bloom is like nice wait wait a minute so this game was an oblivion killer how does this game [ __ ] begin it begins in like some dungeon okay was it razor sharp this this is like a joke it's it's terrible it's really bad wait a minute this is jumping what is wow this is this is this this is i need to see something real quick right the menu distorts it jesus christ oh god this game is not good okay oh no oh no no no i gotta have my hooker boots on man okay that's that's good that's good this is like some [ __ ] up bogan cousin okay somebody said i just changed the settings physics wait what physics hardware physics what is this what is this well we should probably save is that that witcher games i've heard so much about physics off settings physics low i don't know what i just did but okay okay that's that's my map oh oh no the quest [ __ ] is or the paper is using the same obli they really try to be oblivion but it's like but if this game is a sequel what's the original just as bad okay dude even dark alliance from 2004 could [ __ ] do water physics this is embarrassing don't do that it was worse actually really okay look at that skeleton but i wish that was me wait can i burn myself to death okay hang on some real janked to these controls hang on oh yeah yeah i can burn myself i can like but unfortunately like i i recoil back ugliest [ __ ] character balls i've ever made in a video game he looks unacceptable like he's unfit for the eyes slow clap please talk like skeletor please okay all right i'm not leaving without my sister not without kyrie it's not the objective i look like a sex master coming with us why is the volume so bad in this it's like the music is loud but the volume is like beep beep beep beep beep dude i can't [ __ ] hear what you're saying please it won't be long before kandahar's army is made aware of our presence [Music] rock door okay okay how do i fight oh that's how i fight seriously this this this game is actually if oh man i don't even know we have to get to higher ground hold on so vanican i have the high ground we don't have time for this if you must know rock paper scissors take like two walk plates and put it on our titties and said that's armor now you're making soup in those dead [Music] the countryside they did things to him that you couldn't make sure you guys didn't like just joke with me and this is not like a sex game because the sexual tension between these two is like my god man just tell me who's responsible for this [Laughter] well it is the witcher so this should be a lot of unnecessary i mean artful sex scenes look a great deal of planning went into this and i'm not putting our lives in jeopardy this can't get over his arms they look like they're broken don't look at me like that okay oh god this is gonna be a full playthrough of one off i don't know man but this game is like one of the greatest games i've ever played and it's so good it's just so good man the second floor should be deserted how do you know all this how do you know all this talks like bath man we needed to save yours now stay close this game just want to play dark messiah minor magic and that's a good game but this game is is like yeah full lp let's go i'll do it under the the pretense that this game has a full-on sex scene because i want to see i want to see this man up close like this and i just want to see him like grunt it it does it has one no you are serious no you you are joking you are joking dude listen okay well i guess we're going to play it until then okay this isn't right there should be a door here the only maybe i need to put on the physics i heard you know tit plates can go you know smacking up to the floor and then the ceiling in half a second i'll guard the door okay trip the switch that opens the hidden door okay what year was this cause if this game has like a season pass which makes no goddamn sense like was this like 2006 2005 do i put out the oblivion a ui again i don't think i need to do that this game is already insulting itself it was 2010. we need to make our way through the throne guys this game was one year before skyrim stay quiet right behind you just keep your head down okay we got a sneak now why is ever so quiet isn't that like limited compression on this my lord something happened the gods they they're all dead have been found in the dungeon [Music] yes sire as you command i love i love the trope for like evil villainous bosses if you are the the bringer of any sort of bad news you die instantly be assured i love that trope where it's just like dude how wait what what what is he holding his arm or what is that did you got your [ __ ] you got your soup soup napkin he put his napkin in his in he tucked it in his shirt so he can eat better his bib he got his villain [Laughter] that's boba fett for [ __ ] sake man okay can i just jump down oh i can't okay i would have loved that he's gonna go off or eat some wings who the hell was he talking to sora did your eyes are like his army against the orcs then let the void an introduction i take it you have a plan the emperor has a teleport in the throne room the others will meet us there right what happened to avoiding introductions what happened to a boy introductions i look so bloated i look like i have some deceased you know i'm gonna talk about something that's that's a disgusting topic but i'm gonna say it anyway how the [ __ ] did people like procreate in the ancient base of the dark ages like when there was no like hygiene in the order how did people like fornicate it's like they would have just been vomiting constantly you know everybody like smelled like old meat maybe that maybe that's what they liked you know maybe it's a different time you're like yeah you smell like uh toenails well actually you know it goes full black circle because that's what the engine is into nowadays so all doors is a fetish no this game is a fetish look at him he's ready to [ __ ] all right and he doesn't even [ __ ] physically he's moved beyond that he can come instantly like like that you know he doesn't need physical sex you know physical neut versus mental soon all that's left of your dying race will be washed away oh the orcs are good guys in this be complete and be forgotten with your fallen brothers and sisters you sound certain sort of hard now i'm doing a thesis on this game is sort of on one of those tragic villains that you know their goal in the game it makes a lot of sense it's a tragic villain that has a lot of complexity and depth to where you really you start to sympathize with his goals capped this is this is real right what's the opposite of mocapping no capping yes i am i'll make it quick you deserve as much we're done here take the others no that's sort of horn oh no no i really like sword of honey it was so funny credence clearwater revival on a green river wow okay please have a funny name gortarius gortarius [Laughter] this game is fantastic man hurry through that teleport through the teleport this is get them remember don't kill the prisoner wants him alive [Laughter] the skadoodle hits the portal no not gondolier he was so funny oh [ __ ] oh no i do it can you walk oh don't worry about me we have to go this game has one of the worst like audio level normalization i've ever heard in the dungeon we can make it if we hurry okay okay can't get me man hey didn't you say don't kill the prisoner what the [ __ ] guys i mean they're doing a hell of a good job though but jesus christ dodge a hundred oh my god man employee of the more isn't this one hard did i put this on hard or something okay oh [ __ ] okay okay can you guys believe that oblivion got [ __ ] owner lies by this game like do you remember the you remember the the the the reviews and it's just like move over oblivion 10 out of 10. like oblivion who oh this is combat this is combat okay okay you know i'm just not gonna do that remember don't kill the prisoner but do drive a sword thrisco okay better than oblivion okay and in a moment now i expect like clip through the floor like fall through like a blue hell man she's fast too i guess it isn't anymore what is with this running man [Laughter] oh [ __ ] microphone oh god i gotta get a new cable for my microphone it's being real funny try the door to the right and if it's locked then pick the damn thing fair enough here take these lock picks thanks what do we call this guy bulk exotic yeah sure oh no i got dialogue choices i guess i'll see you on the other side i guess i'll see you on the other side okay well later so let's see let's see how the lock picking works in this versus oblivion what what is this crack why is it a gun why is it a gun [Music] that okay it's like the goldeneye reload sound wasn't it i expect to go with a club okay the swimming is good it's really good okay swimming through sewage water i'm surprised i don't have to fight giant rats yet because that's like the the common thing in these video games you know huh it's clobbering time to plan b where the hell are we in a bad game alchemy lab on the other side of this door we can use the supply teleport hope you're right okay will you open the door then you guys gonna see that mortal kombat movie coming out soon i'm not no no no no no listen they just keep making these like mortal kombat media things like they made a mortal kombat tv series a web series and i'm like i can't keep up man okay i guess what are we doing now small potion okay honestly i'm gonna do a hot take why do you need a mortal kombat movie when the games themselves are so goddamn cinematic [Laughter] like just go on youtube and be like mortal kombat 11 all cut scenes be like oh yeah i got nothing to do good it's still here can you get it working it'll take some time it can't be far behind us then find a weapon and guard the door right is that a potion i see over there oh [ __ ] i got i got a good bit if i can just align this this caveman of a man process i need your strongest potions i'm going into battle my parents are far too strong for you traveler my powers it would kill a man barcelona please i did your strongest positions you can't handle my potions personally okay draw my weapon this part of the dungeon is sealed there's no way out they couldn't have gone far spread but it's your character tonight or the seller joel i don't know but he drank all the potions that's why he looks like this there's nowhere left to run you're mine you said anything about running can you start making out not now i guess there's gonna have to chain me up and milk my nipples yeah you'd like that wouldn't you sick freak like the squeeze on these mad titties they get my bloody milk out that was combat donzo is he dead just unconscious you know what these [ __ ] cutscenes remind me of saints row two with central one they all have this like weird jank to them and their dialogue is just like yeah [ __ ] let's go to freckle [ __ ] okay okay yeah sensor 2 is actually good though yeah yeah it is it is meanwhile in a different game hope it never comes through just rolling oh damn it [Laughter] wrong place [ __ ] holy [ __ ] hazards of trust goddammit no you i can't go on oh it's everything so stupid in this forest oh my god just try to stay out of sight approach from the rear and dispatch them quickly here don't worry i'll be discreet i'll put a shirt on first man don't worry i'll be discreet okay oh yeah we should be saved yeah we should say yeah okay i have heard that this game was bad or something but i i i just got this game on a whim because it was on sale because of easter that's literally the reason i'm playing it now that i'm actually playing it i gotta say this is one of the greatest uh like porno games i've ever played in my life you sneak to approach the enemy from behind press a to ass ass in eight grom not gr i want to kill graw man it's got such beautiful teeth look at him and look at that it's got a ginormous you know orc [ __ ] no not grom oh it was so funny what then a grandmother family man okay that's like a billy harrington outfit look at that oh damn it man not grom two not not grow up three um come on man he was so funny oh i like when he stabs him in the in the in the in the spleen it's just like green static green sprite of blood two worlds in finally and now loud teleport dropped us near the peninsula where is she now gotten trapped near the edge of this island killed a few grounds on the way oh a groms of paris gromson the east side of el sauna that was his name probably another hunting party goterius find darfur nortar cover the rear what's the plan time to assemble our own hunting party follow me go with rogdor quickly do i have to do i have to it's just like dark souls it's time to see what you're capable no i want to burn myself any advice why am i here i wanted to experience like my my pain relieving my body wait is this an open world game no stop stop no i want to die i want to burn my stop it okay fine well go with rogdar we're like cl okay but this is [ __ ] hero somebody medic three the rescue okay okay so i can't go there yet okay well let's just go here then girl is wrong i'm going the wrong way gone off the path take the lead take the load okay so nope you know what i'm fine i'm fine i'm a pacifist man i don't believe in killing do i do i have to oh all right hold [ __ ] on fast [Laughter] what is this gone batman i see you haven't lost your touch completely yeah i was expecting worse attack with a quick decisive strike keep that in mind during your next engagement will do go go go go go go go okay i'm trying oh i loot this guy there we go wait is that garlic and what is that i don't know what that is but this inventory is awful oh this is also awful hey man go if you say so okay how do i access my inventory is it select okay there we go wait why am i glowing like jesus there we go no i gotta have my hooker boots on okay and now we got the club the warlord but do i do i have to fight him okay no no no how do i draw my weapon again it's like down okay there we go [Laughter] this comment is amazing man not bad but not all your opponents will leave themselves so open to attack not grom find that a strong defensive stance can be difficult to break what do you suggest okay dude i don't know if i'm physically like i don't know if i'm mentally or physically ready to see a sex scene where this dude starts plowing i i just don't know if i can do this man i don't know if i can okay oh yeah hey hey graeme hold up man this cup is [ __ ] great what is that attack just bonk bonk bank okay is this bulk i don't know what the [ __ ] this guy is but he he [ __ ] all right he [ __ ] hard if this if breath of the wild was made by activision bla bla bla bla head back to camp okay like you're talking like up there or okay well i guess we're heading back i guess they tried with the open world environment but it's still like awful you've been followed take this bow and finish them off okay with the mage the the character playing is that the guy from two worlds one i want to say one world but not weapon set two draw my weapon okay no no how do i pull the string pull this drink yeah all right that's i've seen worse this time okay try taking down two at once how do you suppose i do that draw two arrows first time for everything are these meant to be humans or orcs i can't tell with this terrible character modeling and what's the arrow show wait what what are you telling me to do now do i have to fall back to the camera oh thank god either way [Music] sorry but but this music everything oh [ __ ] this is one of those games i can't quit out of so i was gonna do like a funny bit where i play uh you know the safety dance as i'm like frog looking through the woods with my with my friend pal work yourself fair enough okay fair enough so how's the ankle i've lived through worse as long as we're still breathing guitarists can usually keep it that way i hear rogdor put you to work don't worry least i can do we'll see if you feel the same way in a couple of weeks hold me to it we should get moving she's been waiting for you the prophet i almost forgot be grateful she didn't fair enough lead the way tell me you ever stop talking you ever take off the mask this is like moline or something let me see if i can shoot him around the s he's got a steel ass i'm sorry even the music is like the like jeremy solo esque they got a little like floats and stuff it's like i'm playing like wish.com oblivion like they really tried they try to get the aesthetics down but they just like failed hello gore terry's how you doing man you doing good this is it the bridge leads to the project what is this tutorial and by the way because i'm getting sick of like people interrupting gameplay falls down he's got a butt chin look at that well this is the editorial thank gods happy happy man well well fight left in you what's wrong necros dark energy known to wear human bones as armor their magic interferes with my own ever used i'll let you take it from here you'll need to deal with our guests use this status what i gotta do now no i i don't feel like no skeletons bye i just don't feel like fighting him i don't want to cast a spell oh fine okay there was a skeleton man ah welcome to the bone zone etc i've got a bone to pick with you you're looking like a like a real boner tonight uh what else can i say oh we're done oh that was the spells okay oh good oh shut up necros will often swap little time for a precision response when you find yourself surrounded rely on an area attacks in fact why don't you head down to the pentagram in the center of the room select the spell get a pentagram okay let me go let me let me just eradicate gortorius because he's pissing me off okay no vaude boy skip an hour i agree oh here we go all right yep it's things are happening who made this game by the way like seriously who made it like don't say bethesda because you know haha but really who really made it explosion me i thought i would swell for a huge you did well the heroic cube mephisto soul stone the prime evils and daryl and durial and hell you must travel to the town of lutkelem and find the harada cube the herodic staff of kings okay diablo all right thanks oh no it's him to rock keep your distance oh okay see not have a head wait can i just do this oh i can um did i win how do i how do i shoot my goo no no no no no how do i do things again i am too luck how do i open my skill book game was it was it why no it wasn't bi it's x right hang on uh there we go okay no that's not it lb rb y scale book y x uh inventory placeholder achievements this way pay attention to the tutorial i'm sorry i i know i usually like don't listen to tutorials because it's my mistake but but but this game can you really can you really blame me okay uh let's see here no i don't want to get naked for to voc okay okay is it b it's b right okay here we go achievement one achievement description one two worlds okay b button opens up the the cheevos that's really good i really like that b opens up that that's really good how do i shoot fire weapon set two jesus power to select okay can i use my bow whatever i just wanna no this game is good all right all right we'll be here all night so get comfortable have i tried magic i don't know how to use it okay uh it's my staff can now now okay now okay so x now so there we go okay that's how you do it that's how we do it okay now we just gotta wait and here we go no okay maybe not i'm going to inventor and press rt okay rt okay so now i've got a map quest log reputation log uh medium healing potion uh on the prophecies of plants where have i seen this format for books before i don't know i have spent the last two weeks attempting to find and research any other plants and those with which i've already experimented but there seems to be none left i feel slightly ashamed to admit to have also noticed some of the previously plentiful edible plants nearby are now lacking too blaming the animals it had nothing to do with my stew-making this is where it discovers jenkins and like opium okay architects to wait what the credits okay well here's the hit list co-produced by topper interactive las vegas you sure they weren't out gambling every night instead of [ __ ] working on their game good good good good you know um the theory the practice the power the bonus water mastery that's great okay uh fire blast sure okay he's not doing anything all right but i'll tell you what i'll tell you what it's getting very late anyway it's getting very late anyway so here's what i do i might just resume this game at some point but right now i want to like get to the orc so i can get the [ __ ] to sleep because if i don't stop now with two worlds we'll be here all night and i'll just be here like just kill me now but uh i have a stream for three hours so i'm gonna call it here everybody but uh two worlds i finally got to play this and uh you know it was it certainly was a game everybody but uh wow that was that sure was a game and we'll be right back sit up with the art so don't go nowhere

Channel: Vargskelethor Uncut: Full Joel Streams

Views: 30,707

Rating: 4.9146757 out of 5

Keywords: vinesauce, joel, full, stream, unedited, playthrough, part, vargskelethor, two, worlds, worst, rpg, speedrun, cutscene, character, bulk, bogan, cut, scene, combat, bad, pc, oblivion, clone, custom, customization, voice, acting, physics, glitch, glitched

Id: xgGF127BMHw

Length: 58min 48sec (3528 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 08 2021