- This week we're gonna be talking about verbal and nonverbal communication. And we have a special guest with us, my YouTube friend Mary Daphne. And she is going to be helping us out. So let's get into it. (upbeat music) I'd like to introduce you
to my friend Mary Daphne. She has her own YouTube channel. Hey, Alex. Thanks for having me on your channel. I am so excited to be here. Mary Daphne's channel helps millennials boost your social skills
with a focus on relationship, productivity, and mental wellness. And at any point you can find the link to her channel in the
description below this video. So please take a look, Subscribe, and show her some support. The main point of this
video is that we observe verbal and nonverbal
communication at the same moment. We don't usually separate these
when we express ourselves, and we don't usually separate them when we are listening to
somebody else communicate. We experience them all at the same moment. So, both of these complement each other. A basic definition of verbal communication is the words and other utterances we use to express ourself. Not surprising. Nonverbal communication
is all of the rest. It's how you look, like
your gestures and your face, and also how you sound, like your tone of voice,
pacing, and pauses. So, clearly verbal communication
has specific meaning. And some people think that nonverbal communication
works the same way. Some people claim that
they can literally read your nonverbals as if
they know the secret code. But is that really the case? That's what we're gonna talk about. Let's ask Mary Daphne what she thinks. Do nonverbal cues, like gestures, have specific meanings or not? - You know, Alex, that's a
very interesting question. One way we can think
about nonverbal gestures is in emblems and illustrators. Emblems are the nonverbal cues that have a universal meaning
within a specific culture. For example, if we're talking
about American culture, when we give a thumbs up,
we know that means good job. Or, circling our index
finger next to our ear means that person is totally crazy. A really cool thing to note, however, is that emblems are decided
by a particular society. This means that in one culture a gesture could be very different from what it denotes in another culture. I remember when I was
teaching a communication class in Istanbul, Turkey and there were some Middle Eastern exchange students who were offended by the thumbs
up gesture because it means something derogatory in
their cultural context. So, we have to be mindful that while emblems can
have agreed upon meanings, they're inextricably linked
to their cultural context. And so, the meaning can vary significantly from culture to culture. Now, illustrators are interesting
because unlike emblems we use these automatically
and subconsciously to illuminate the words we're speaking. It helps us paint a picture
that our words are expressing. They're not explicitly taught
to us or tied to a culture. They're often unique to the
person, timing, and situation. Let's say someone's excited
to see their friend. In addition to saying,
"It's so great to see you," they use big sweeping
gestures with their arms. These gestures signal joy and excitement. On the flip side, if you're
in a high-stakes meeting and are super nervous,
you're probably going to be more reserved with your illustrators, possibly using stiff or jerky movements. And if you think about it,
we still use these nonverbals even if no one's there to see them, such as when we're on the phone. They're deeply rooted in
our communicative behavior. You know what's funny, Alex? When I'm editing my YouTube lessons, I don't even realize that
I'm using illustrators because they just flow naturally. - Yeah, that's a good point. And I'm sure most people
would likely agree. They don't usually think about
the exact gestures they use. And by the way, I will
link to all of the sources that we are talking
about in the description below this video, so you
can take a look at those. So, in addition to
emblems and illustrators, could you give us more detail about how verbal and nonverbal
communication overlap? How do these work together? - There are six different
ways that nonverbal and verbal communication
interact in real life. So, the first one is repeating. You can think of this one
as the nonverbal behavior reinforcing the verbal message. In other words, you're
repeating your message because you are essentially
saying the same thing. For example, saying, "Nice job," while giving a thumbs up achieves this. Or, you might say, "Don't interrupt me," while putting your hand out as repetition. The second one, substituting. So, with substituting
you're using a gesture or some other form of
nonverbal communication in place of a word. For instance, you might give
a high-five instead of saying, "Wow, that's awesome, congratulations." Number three, turn-taking. This one is about relying
on nonverbal communication to signal turn-taking. Let's imagine you're
in a group conversation and you notice that Jimmy
hasn't gotten a chance to say anything yet. Noticing that you might lean in and do an outwardly gesture facing Jimmy to signal that maybe they
would like to say something. Number four, complementing
the verbal message. So with complementing,
you can think of enhancing your verbal message with
nonverbal communication. You can use complementing
to drive home a point, or to clarify a message. For example, if you're giving your manager a rundown of your team's
epic progress this quarter, you might gesture an upward
chart signaling growth. Number five, emphasizing. If I'm looking to really
emphasize my point, I might use a strong gesture. But, I could also
leverage paralinguistics, which includes tone of voice, volume, inflection patterns, and pitch. Or, I might change my word pacing, or add some dramatic pause
for that extra oomph. These are a few examples of ways to truly accentuate your verbal message, especially in the context of a speech, presentation, meeting, or a pitch. And the last one, number
six, contradicting. This one is pretty interesting. This occurs when your nonverbals contradict your spoken words. So, for instance, let's imagine a friend tells you they are in so much
pain but they're smiling. These are contradictory, right? Or, imagine that a friend tells you that they had so much fun hangin' out, but they have a deadpan
look on their face. It almost seems sarcastic, right? Well, even if they're not being sarcastic, it sticks out like a sore thumb
because what they're saying does not match how they are saying it. - That's a really helpful lesson. On the last point, contradiction, there is a related term for this when our nonverbal
communication doesn't match up with our verbal communication. In a poker game they call this a "tell" to see if you're bluffing. Researchers call this nonverbal leakage. And even if you say how
you feel with your words, other feelings can leak out
through your nonverbals. So can you tell us a
little bit more about this? - I love the terminology for this concept because it is such a visceral image. We can think of nonverbal leakage as our gestures blowing
our cover, so to speak, when we're attempting
to conceal something. For example, if we
verbally express one thing but our body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice are screaming
something else entirely, our nonverbals are leaking into our words and altering our message. In other words, there's a disconnect between what we're saying
and how we're saying it. Research shows that in
studies on deception, 98% of people expressed nonverbal leakage when they were trying to
hide a charged emotion like anger, jealousy,
depression, or dishonesty. So, viewers might be wondering, well, what does nonverbal leakage look like? Tone of voice is a huge giveaway,
and so are body gestures that misalign with the verbal message. But, there's also something
called microexpressions where an emotion will flash
across the person's face, but you'll have to pay close
attention or you'll miss it, because these happen as fast as 1/15th to 1/25th of a second. The seven microexpressions, happiness, surprise, fear, anger, sadness, disgust, and contempt are universal and exist across most cultures. Funny story, on a recent skiing adventure, my husband decided it would be
fun for us to go bootpacking, meaning climbing up the mountain outside of the ski resort bounds. I was mortified because not
only had I not been skiing in over 10 years, I had
never been backcountry where I would have to carry
my skis up an icy mountain with all of my heavy gear on. But you know, I could see that he was really excited about this, so I said, "Sure, that's awesome." But as I said that my
hands were trembling, I was sweating profusely, and my eyebrows were deeply furrowed. Major nonverbal leakage, right? Well, fortunately I had my
face mask and goggles on so he couldn't see any of it. It wasn't until after we
made it down the mountain that I fessed up about how nervous I was. Much funnier in retrospect. - That's a great example
about how microexpressions and nonverbal leakage work, and how our nonverbal
and verbal communication can sometimes send a mixed message. So, thank you for helping
us out today, Mary Daphne. It was great to have you on the channel. - That was a lot of fun. Thank you so much for having me, Alex. - So, I encourage you to follow the link in the description below the video to take a look at Mary Daphne's channel. Also, she'll be making a comment that I will pin to the top
of the Comments section. You can just click on her name and get to her channel that
way, and be sure to say hi. So, God bless and I will see you all soon.
