Using "NO" To Quickly Persuade People | Negotiation Tactics | Chris Voss

why is that why why is me you laying out me laying out my resume you laying out your resume stupid it's all about you number one it's all about me but number two your resume correlates loosely with whether or not you know what you're doing if your resume correlated accurately with what you did you guys would never make a bad hire would you what'd i say to that father here's what i said all right so haitian kidnappers are not killing kidnap victims these days i realize it's really stupid because they kill each other at the drop of a hat but they're not killing kidnap victims and today is thursday and haitian kidnappers love the party on saturday night so if you say the things that i want you to say when i want you to sing we'll have your son out late friday early saturday morning he said tell me what you want me to do and we had a son out saturday morning let's break down a little bit what i said what i didn't say first of all which took more time me laying out my resume or me laying out what he was faced with it took less time for me to lay out what he was faced with didn't it i will tell you also in the course of getting his son out he never asked me how long had been an fbi agent he never asked me how long i've been a negotiator he never asked me how many countries i'd negotiated in he never asked me how many cases in haiti had negotiated and he never even asked me how many times i've been to haiti you know how many times i've been to haiti never i've never been to haiti did i speak french did i speak creole did he ask me those questions and you may have asked yourself already you know there's basically 168 countries in this world a lot of languages how many languages does chris boss speak if he negotiated all over the world and by now you realize the answer to that is barely one he didn't ask me those questions i told him what he was facing because when someone says how are you going to help me their first question is okay so you've been doing this for a long time do you see what i see do you know what i'm looking at i laid it out for him and i offered him the slightest bit of insight and they say to themselves wow if you see clearly what's in front of me there's a really good chance you know what you're doing do i have to explain this to you do i have to explain to you my challenges you lay it out one of two things happened they say to you that's right or they say no that's not it this is it what happens when they say that's not it this is it you're in dialogue you're in collaboration instantly you're trying to get to dialogue and collaboration instantly aren't you and many people don't realize that when somebody corrects you that means you're in collaboration you're in dialogue and you're on your way with that here's a couple of other things i did not do and one of them is probably the two the two worst habits you have did i try to get him to say yes you guys are hardwired to hear yes you guys are desperate for it you guys you guys got an addiction to yes you didn't know it was going to be that kind of a meeting did you hi hi chris it's so bad here's how bad it is and getting you out of that you think getting people to say yes the yes momentum the estimable proposition get them to say yes a lot of little things and you get and they say yes to the big thing you're addicted to that and getting out of that is going to be one of the most difficult things you could do not complicated but here's how difficult it's going to be everybody make a fist with either hand right thumb up left fore finger out now switch that hurt didn't it switch back some of you going like i got your left warfare i saw him right here see if he sees this was that complicated what i asked you to do do you need to be do you need to be elon musk to know what i was trying to get you to do no but it was awkward it was difficult i know there's somebody in the back room right now going like here's the cool thing about that brain science the difficulty that you felt trying to get that done is actually the creation of a new neural pathway that's a cool idea the neuroscience rules are the path the synapses that fire together wire together now your yes habit is hardwired that road is built and you're used to screaming down that road in your thought processes getting out of it is going to take some repetitions how many 63. john foley blue angel pilot i heard him give a speech probably about two years ago he talked about wiring grooves into their brain which is the same thing as the neural pathways and new habits that i'm talking about and they you know if they don't wire a groove into their brain these guys crash into each other in the air and people start to die instantly and he said they did some research on it and said it took about 63 to 65 repetitions to put a new habit in the brain but at the very beginning it's as hard as that was and you quit you give up and you because you think it's going to be that hard the whole time like i'm not doing this anymore it hurts my head but you don't know how close you actually are to breaking through a new habit everybody knows what the the bell curve looks like it it's very steep and it peaks and then you take off on the other end we're building you're building a new habit some of the new habits i'm going to share with you today at the beginning you just see how steep this thing is initially like you know this is too hard i'm not doing this anymore but i got to get you out of the yes habit i got to get you out of that that is the worst thing you could possibly do i don't even bother with the word yes and when we were when we were working on the book uh one of the guys that i was working with he said hey how did you get the as a hostage negotiator how did you get kidnappers to say yes the only question i can remember being thoroughly stunt by because i never really thought about it that hard at that time and i said no we never did it's a useless word so we didn't even bother with it so some of you are sitting there sitting there thinking right now like okay fine now what do you want me to do because that's all i do and you know what i close deals that way too you can't tell me that i don't close deals getting people to say yes now i'm not saying you can't do it i'm just saying your batting averages in anywhere close to what it should be you're batting 125 when you should be batting 350 for your baseball players yeah stick to 125. you want to stay there because this is what it looks like and this is why it fails would you like to have a more efficient system would you like to have more customers would you like to have more free time buy my product now this is maybe there was a point in time when this was a good idea maybe but the swamp land timeshare salesman the coupon book the 50 000 coupon book salesman [Music] has already battered them so hard that they're battered by yes you guys know anecdotally what happens if you come across a battered child and you try to hug them they still flinch and jump back from you but wait a minute i was trying to give them a hug i'm a good guy i meant well i wasn't trying to trap him i was trying to have integrity it doesn't matter they're bad everybody's battered by yes you got to stop this you got to stop it okay fine you convinced me now what you know who this is jack welch one jack the most famous ceos former ceo ge author of a number of books jack winning the real life nba jack welch come to los angeles a couple years ago he and his wife susie the latest book the real life mba i'm going to go to the book signing i'm going to ask jack to come speak at the class i'm i'm teaching at that time at the usc marshall school of business in the mba program negotiation i want jack to come speak to my negotiation class how many people try to get jack welts to say yes to something that day everybody how many people in the book signing are trying gonna try to get jack waltz to say yes to something they come up to and say hey jack you want to come to the house wife makes a great meal how many people everybody you're me what do you say how much time have i got maybe not seven seconds even less than that because at a book signing what happens a guy like jack welch you come in when when you're about five six seven people from jack somebody comes up to you and says what's your name they write your name down on a piece of paper so jack can write your name on the book they say but in reality so you don't talk to him he doesn't say have to say to you what's your name he said chris good luck keep going problem one there's 300 people online if i try to stop and talk to jack welch for even 20 seconds we're now there for six hours right problem two jack walt's a legitimate celebrity they don't know who i am they they haven't put me through a metal detector they don't know i i don't have a gun as a matter of fact i have a gun but they don't know that i'm an fbi agent they haven't got any id for me i could come up i'm going to get within arm's length of jax welch i could do what i want jane fonda was at a book signing a number of years ago vietnam vet got within arm's length of her and spit right in her face action is quicker than reaction i'm going to be arm's length from jack welch he's got security people there that are worried about his safety they know they can't stop me from doing whatever i want to do i can walk up to jack welch i could take his face in my hands and kiss him right on the lips if i wanted to you got a disgusted look on his face but they don't know what i'm gonna do so everybody's more than jumpy i walk up to jack welch and this is what i say is it a ridiculous idea for you to come and speak to the negotiation course that i teach at usc and he looks up and to the left he gets this really intense skull on his face and he just freezes he doesn't move and i think i just killed jack welch because he's old right i figured he got mad and he had a stroke and he's going to die because he's so angry he's going to fall right in front of me and then they're gonna tackle me they're gonna blame me they drag me out cops and i'll say but i'm an fbi agent and you killed jack welch doesn't matter so initially when he doesn't die i'm relieved but he's he still doesn't move and i'm thinking now he's going to start going security security because he looks furious finally looks at me and he says this is my personal assistant's name this is a special twitter account we have set up to communicate with her i will call her tell her who you are and what you want i think we're going to be in los angeles in the fall if we all will come in and speak to your course because it triggered a no i triggered a calibrated no a calculated no i changed the yes question to a no and i'm i'm here to tell you a calibrated no is worth five yeses think about think about what he thought through in the steps that he thought through before he answered me because all the rest of that stuff i would have had if he just said yes i said who do i get in touch with how do i coordinate with them how do i communicate them with them will you call them and brief them we're talking about the fall where you're going to be in the fall think of how many questions he went ahead and answered for me it's insane we do this on a regular basis i don't bother with yes we did a training in new york just about it uh earlier this month it's still may right about two weeks ago um very intense intensive master class i happen to run across robert herzevec from shark tank in new york or in l.a just a couple weeks ago by the way a wonderful guy i mean a wonderful gracious charming impressive guy i would work with him i would work for him he was telling me about how he develops his people phenomenal guy i offer him a free ticket he's gracious enough to say how many can we buy and so we're going back and forth on how many he could buy and i'm trying to get a commitment out of him and the event is selling like it is the door is slamming shut and i realize that if i don't get a nearly instantaneous commitment from him because we're charging people a lot of money for these tickets we're charging people just short of two thousand dollars per head to be there and every you know uh we got people buying them i can't keep this window open for him i don't care if he is a billionaire we get people won't want these tickets so five o'clock on a friday i have to get a commitment from him now we're in l.a five o'clock on a friday it's 8 p.m here in new york the other problem is business opens in new york three hours earlier than it does in los angeles if i haven't got him committed before the start of the next business day he's out i sent him an email that says are you against making a commitment for these tickets now are you against paying for them before the start of business tomorrow i get an email back instantly says no we're going to take three in total we'll pay for them before the before business starts tomorrow less than 20 minutes later i'm getting emails from his assistants to pay now what would you have done normally you know how many would you like would you please commit now can you pay before the close of business tomorrow would be the normal thing but it's going to be too late but i you help people think by switching out a yes and into no i don't bother with yes we don't bother with yes i could i could go i could belabor it at length yes it's commitment commitment creates anxiety knows protection protection makes people feel safe and secure and helps them think anxiety interferes with people's thought processes every time you try to get somebody to say yes to something you're creating anxiety because they say to themselves what have i let myself in for what's the catch what's the hook where's this going what are you trying to do to me these are anxiety creating instances which interfere with their ability to make decisions it's not me telling you this this is neuroscience anxiety slows the brain don't take my word for it okay fine so what if no is not enough this is this is this is what this is really what sold the book to the publisher they've never seen anything like this before it's in in our utter disdain for yes because what's the most famous negotiating book in the world anyway right everybody knows getting to yes right yes it's supposed to be what you want to get people to say yes it's not what you want people to say this is what you want them to say after the no now that's kind of disappointing right like that's not special that doesn't make me feel good well yes makes me feel good i love yes i got a bad addiction to yes i'm happy when i hear you that's right it's it's not what it is to you when it comes out of their mouth it's what it is to them that's right is what people say when they think that what they've just heard is the total and complete truth there's two simultaneous things that happen it triggers a subtle epiphany in people's brains there's a chemical change with epiphany they feel better they feel smarter they feel clarity stephen covey's advice from way back when seek first understand then be understood and so we thought okay all we got to do is say to somebody i understand and then you then you get a talk right because they're ready to hear you no it's the changes show understanding first trigger a that's right then and only then are they ready to hear you what whatever your political whatever political side of the aisle you're on i'll give you an example to prove it to you last presidential election the two candidates are on tv engaged in a debate when whichever candidate you loved when you decided to vote for them they said something in the debate you thoroughly believed in you didn't look at the tv and say you're right you looked at the tv and you went that's right that's what people say when they're all in they say that's right

Channel: NegotiationMastery

Views: 97,531

Keywords: How One NO Can Persuade People INSTANTLY, black swan group, business negotiation tactics, conflict management in the workplace, effective communication techniques, emotional intelligence tips, getting to yes, how to negotiate, intrusive thoughts anxiety, negotiation strategies, negotiation strategies and tactics, never split the difference, no-oriented questions examples, overthinking and anxiety, social anxiety cure, start with no, tactical empathy, the black swan group

Id: od0tCt4wkj0

Length: 18min 20sec (1100 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 17 2022