Unclutter Your Soul: Things to Get Out of Your Life

hello ladies and gentlemen all over the world first I wish you all the happiness one of the most beautiful holidays because it reflects one of the most powerful and if today evidence even shows the power of gratitude for healing and for living a wholesome life I don't know if you've seen later studies but gratitude people demonstrate gratitude actually makes them healthier people the most obvious reason for it is because it just generates positive energy and it focuses not on oneself as we all know the biggest problem is the self the more one focuses on oneself the less happy you are the more you focus on others and serving others and serving the cause as well as showing gratitude to those that have helped you so the blessings in your life that immediately takes the focus of the itself and therefore brings a more healthy attitude to life I saw recently a on YouTube a very interesting experiment where an type of blind study they chose I think five to seven subjects and they went to speak to them some of them they chose them by a range of some were very depressed to the to being very happy and the video follows these people through an interview where they ask them the following question so try to remember something someone that made a big difference in their life that they would love to be able to express gratitude to and then they asked them to write down a letter write a short letter to that person thanking them this can be a parent an educator a friend a stranger a coach anyone in your lifetime that made a real difference that deserves a gratitude they wrote down their little letters and then the next step was to get the phone number of these people they got the phone numbers they said we're gonna call them right now we'd like you to read them the letter now some of these people haven't spoken to their the person that had that helped them in years and decades Eve and all this is recorded and excuse me now what happens is if they don't get everybody on the phone someday leave a message but many they do get on the phone and of course the they start saying I'd like to read to you a little note I just wrote and used to see the face has changed first of all the person who is receiving the gratitude but even more so the person who's giving the gratitude because it brings them back to that state of mind when they recognized and acknowledged someone helping them and I can't I mean it's it's so moving I have to find the extra link I probably you can just look around gratitude experiment or something like that and they actually can measure the change of moods from the obviously the most stark contrast was the person who was most depressed getting into a completely different state of mind and the people that were happier you also saw a significant difference and even without understanding all the analysis of the chemicals and the scientific side of it but the mere fact just to say the mere fact that they demonstrated gratitude was a demonstration and they I would say generate a certain pleasure chemicals that just flood you with positive energy so Thanksgiving is exactly that it's a holiday that okay there you go you see these studies all over and they're just growing and Thanksgiving is a holiday that reflects that but even more so Thanksgiving goes back if you talk about from a Jewish point of perspective the concept of thanking saying thanks it goes back into our prayers there's actually offering brought in the temple which was a Thanksgiving offering there was the offering the corium the first fruit as the Thanksgiving offering every morning we safemode ayane I acknowledge I thank you for turning my soul to me we have modem we have hi do we have many different expressions Oh I have to say thank you that my congestion is a lot Lee's allowing me to speak a bit and different expressions of acknowledgement and and gratitude so everybody always saw it as being a nice thing to do someone's helped you you say thank you obviously yet at the same time there's something deeper that going that's going on that gratitude is actually not just the right thing to do thank you I said look I'm to all of you thank you God for blessing us all with health and with the ability to drink and breathe thank you um so I thought it's appropriate to begin with that now a topic of this class is unclutter your soul things to free yourself from things still free your life from topic which of course in this is during this holiday season Thanksgiving leading it's the Chanukah season into the holiday season is a time of people so just be like to take some introspection take stock and one of the things that is good to do is to review what exactly does clutter our lives now everybody agrees our lives are cluttered and even overwhelmed because of first of all the simple share intensity and shared multitude of media streaming into our consciousness and psyches all the time whether it's on your mobile phone whether it's on your computer whether it's on your television wherever you are then you're walking down the street everyone's trying to grab our attention and it's a literally an inundation when being inundated like a flood that deluge that sees no that does not it does not it's relentless once upon a time the challenge was how do you find relevant information information and it was a job to go and research and find information today the exact opposite we get when you make a search you get so much information the challenge is how do you filter it to find out what's relevant slowly everything has been turned around to be able to filter to find that which is relevant because there's so much coming our way we don't even I mean if you took an account of how much that information and data comes your way every day we'd be all shocked the sheer amount you know we're getting used to it you just go into your inbox you have spam filters you have this you have that and you just know how to clean it up quickly that doesn't mean it's still not coming our way and we have to you know spend time doing all of that and of course there are great benefits to technology I'm not suggesting it's only the negative but we do live in a world of over stimulation over exposure to information far beyond that which we need and when you take into account also the the jobs we have the expectations our bosses or our clients may have family and others we are literally being attacked from every possible direction of that completely colors and frankly fragments our lives and it's no wonder that so many of us feel so burned out at times or all the time because of this this over exposure and over inundation of so much information and data and so on so how does one determine in life what is a priority and what's an option with all that's going on in our lives how do you determine and it's not that simple because very often the activities that were involved in are part of our part of a routines to do to our habits need to conform the expectations real or imagined that people have of us our fears and so many other forces and factors and voices that tug us in every which way direction so how do you even determine what's important or not now once you get into that inertia of habit routine pattern it gets very difficult to distinguish what is absolutely necessary what is optional however if you just think about it if you're able to pause for a moment and list everything you do would be a lot easier than just thinking okay I'm gonna just take on but take on all these details and one cold turkey shot the way to do it is to actually sit down and figure out what's a priority what's not a priority so that's what I'm going to discuss here besides the fact that actual tools of how we may take stock and how we determine what is a priority also being able to step back and doing so is of course the key thing is implementing it so where do you begin where do you begin when you look at think of things you're gonna go back to the drawing board where do you begin and we're taking it I just want to acknowledge again obviously all of us are ready in the middle of our lives some way or another some of us have jobs some of us have families some of us have both some of us different obligations and responsibilities we're not talking here to newborns obviously for a newborn child or a young child parents have the responsibility and the the ability to help give their children that type of sense of priorities so they don't get themselves stuck and things that are not priorities but let's talk here we're talking firstly adults ourselves so where do you begin in a way that also does not disrupt your whole life to say I'm gonna quit my job quit my family put everything I'm doing I'm starting from scratch it's not practical and not even healthy for that matter because many much of it can be very good things in our lives so the goal here is not to just clean the slate that's let's start with a with a clean slate and start from scratch the goal is to take what we have and be able to look at each item and determine what is a priority and what is absolute necessity and what is not and it's absolutely able to be done but there's certain few prerequisites that we have to go through to get to that place there's that classic story I mentioned a number of times it's pretty popular today and where a guy was giving a professor was giving a time management class and to make a particular point one day comes to the class with a demonstration he has a few assistants walking with him and he sets the middle of the room before all the students a big empty aquarium I'm deer query then he has a few sacks that come along and he says to the class here we have an empty aquarium this is like your empty day your life and you have not yet filled it up with anything you have no to-do list for this day you don't even have a schedule you don't have a any need for any any goals and so on he begins he opens up sack number one mm-hmm takes out of the sack some big boulders and places them into the aquarium and organized way the stones that fit into the quick big stones fills it up as closely to the top as he can that says okay class so what do we see here what do we filled up with boulders is this aquarium full of eeeh sley it wasn't completely full because of their boulders are different shapes didn't fill aquarium to every corner in every niche she opens up bag number two what do we have in this bag small stones pebbles and he pours in the pebbles so they call of course fill in all the different spaces that the bigger rocks do not fill fills into the top now class so we have a filled aquarium some of the classes yes some said no he opens up bag number three dragon number three is very fine gravel so no longer pebbles or stones or small stones gravel gravels so fine it can fill the nooks and crevices the nooks and crannies that the little stones didn't fill so now do we have a filled aquarium most of the class said yes and a few smart aleck said no because they saw another bag obviously but no one knew what was in the bag he opens up sack number four and what's in there pitchers of water he pours the pitchers of water till it spills over so now we have the big stones the small pebbles the fine gravel and the water spilling over and of course water is even finer than the gravel so it really fills everything up now there's really no room in there she says to the class okay what's the lesson now it's full what's the lesson so being that as a time man main course the students some of them said the lessons very simple that even when you think your day is filled you could always fill it up with something more no do you think you're busy and every minute is filled no that's like their boulders didn't fill it with you needed the small stones after the small stones came to gravel then the water could always fill it with more they said no that's not the lesson their lessons the exact opposite the lesson is that if you don't get the boulders in first if you don't have your priorities in place you're never gonna get them in you know if I had started filling it with water and then with fine gravel and then the small stones I could never get the boulders in the fact that I start with the boulders meant I put my foundational principles in place the values and then everything fills around that so it's not about trying to cram in more in the day it's about quality making sure that what you do is quality it's not about doing more it's about doing what's what's what's necessary what's important sometimes doing more it's not going to help you it'll just clutter your life even further just confuse you more and just could be escapism avoiding the issues it's knowing to do what to do which of course spills over into the topic into the theme of delegation and not under delegating that over delegating can't always do everything yourself sometimes delegating certain jobs to another and you can focus on what you're good at or from the top what you can lead others to do and that way you get far more done so time management is far more than just getting a lot thought getting it done efficiently and getting it done the priority for a fashion knowing that you're focusing on what's the most important elements and that's a tremendous lesson in general which is of course the foundation of the sole discussion because before you talk about core thoughts it I'm free yourself in your life from the free through your life from different things I'm clutter your soul you have you have to know what is a priority and what's not a priority and how you focus on those things and build upon that so that's the story that I think really is a great segue into the discussion of this point what are the stones in your life what are your boulders and they don't have to necessarily be the same ones for each one of us but there is a common denominator - what a boulder is so even before continuing of course I'm going to answer the question would be good if you're out there somewhere listening to this whenever you listen to it later when it's archived maybe before you write down right now what you think your boulders are what are your five most priorities the foundations before anything else and you'll find that it's not that simple to answer because you're gonna start seeing there's so many things that are important it's not wondering which ones are the most important so how do you answer this question I think you have to step back and say what defines what's important for some people football game on Sunday is important for other people making money is important for other people love is important for other people the health is important it's a bunch of very important things and everybody can be very subjective and very relative and very arbitrary hmm so how do we define it so I would go a step back we have to define what makes something important just because you think it's important doesn't mean it's important that's where it gets more delicate because you can say Who am I to tell you what's important sure I'm not here to tell you what's important I'm here to throw out ideas suggestions food for thoughts you can really look into it yourself and see what makes most sense but you have to be ready to challenge yourself because you can be doing something you think is vital and critical and find out you know what it's just optional unfortunately we see this very often when people have a crisis a health crisis or another crisis life-and-death issues suddenly certain things that were so important become completely insignificant and the focus is completely on the time and focus you suddenly have time to focus to focus on what really matters to use a small example many of us as parents don't always have time for our children those were busy at work and ironically we same with building security for our children while they are being deprived of the most important security which is not money but your love and your attention and time however God forbid if a child is suddenly sick or child suddenly hits a crisis a healthy parent even if they didn't give enough time will usually say you know what I'll take off of work if there's a crisis if there's emergency obviously because suddenly those priorities emerge as being more important than your work or other details now do we have to wait for a crisis or emergency obviously not I'm just using it as an example that suddenly were throwing thrust in a situation where things they polish eyes but I'll try to make up for it with the content that that that week that we don't have to wait for crisis or emergency but you see from that that it reflects that will immediately realize there are priorities a person can be everything going well entertaining themselves and joining themselves and there's a health crisis in their own lives they suddenly realize what's most important health there's that health you can't have other things so sadly sometimes the only way we wake up to these realities and is by having some type of unfortunate negative experience obviously the goal of this discussion is not to wait for that but it's to think about it and preempt it and recognize what is considered a priority so now we're ready saying so most people say the first priority is to be alive the first priority is to be alive with health because without that as I just said that out that Boulder all the other details are not gonna mix it might make that have any value if you can't appreciate it if you can't live it out if you can't improve if you can't have long healthy years to appreciate these gifts so that's a good beginning but it's still not enough because that's biological life you could be alive and physically function and be very healthy but you may have that has no purpose and that leads you to start thinking so let's say I have health and I have life that's fine that's one of the boulders but there's another aspect of life which is a life of meaning a life of purpose which is precisely why we titled the class on clutter your soul because it comes down to not just the functionality of being able to function that of course we need to be noted but we can breathe healthily we can hard as beating our mind is working our other faculties and edge and abilities are fully functional but you could have all of that and still be lacking we call the soul of what you do I always use the example very often in this class as you may be familiar with the idea of the mission statement no business can function without a mission statements you go to any business close a school any class any discussions go to a consultant you're starting a business the first thing they'll be asked tell me the mission of this entity there'll be the mission of this venture this initiative for someone that's never went through that exercise it can be quite daunting and quite too challenging because in your mind you think it's such an important venture but if you can't put it into a few words into a sentence or two and not pages upon pages you're not ready to start a business why because the soul of a business begins with its mission what is the objective of this company googles mission is to organize all the information of the world and make it readily accessible that drives everything it drives there 60 70 80 thousand employees it drives all their departments it drives all their projects the drives future initiatives etc each company has a unique non-generic mission so I would submit that that mission is the single most important priority the first Boulder of all boulders obviously hand in hand that comes with being healthy and having physical life but it's not just life itself you need to have a cause or cause that drives you and that cause a single number-one priority sadly most people have no real cause they may do good school they may do good things they may be charitable and they made voluntary and contribute to causes and we don't take away from that but to say an overarching cause like a mission statement of a company a cause that reflects your strengths your your unique abilities your indispensable gifts is the single biggest priority of all when you have that everything follows so if I were to submit the first the most important Boulder would be what is the purpose your purpose your raison d'être what your purpose should that a direct that directs everything else and that we've talked about a number of times is finding your mission finding your calling which which as I've discussed in the past and developing now actually a course called discovery or personal mission consists of looking into your pop personality opportunity people and places each one of us has unique personality each of us has unique opportunities we have people and places we have our passion and you connect that with some higher cause and then you get yourself some direction toward a mission why is that most vital because that mission will define so many other details most of us in our lives begin the other way around we go to school let's even the best education if it's a terrible education obviously there's other problems as well but let's it's an excellent education and you really come away equipped with the knowledge of life an understanding of the world an understanding of skills that you may have how to use them efficiently to build a business or to contribute in some way to a company where you can make a good living and other intelligence that we gather through our educational years okay but all that our tools excellent tools knowledge and then the days is a tool a tool for what what are you going to use that knowledge for let's say a person feels that drive to really help people help the world through let's say medicine some people have that feeling they think that through medicine and they feel strongly that through being medical and whatever that whatever fields or specialty they can help bring healing to the world so that would be an example of a cause no question especially if that person has an inclination that direction if you're not capable person just doesn't have that side to them the ability to study medicine or to master the sciences around it then maybe a good noble cause but I mean that they might not be able to implement it but let's assume they could so that would that would justify as being a boulder well you have a cause that began before just making money and before what exact practice you're going to what the exact specialty you're going to practice what kind of what kind of doctor what kind of medical field you're going to enter into but there's a driving course what does that do you know that does that immediately unclutter things because then you focus on what you need to fulfill that cause if you're gonna spend half your day playing video games or half your day just following chats in different Facebook or other social media they have nothing to do with your cause you're never gonna get your cause really you're never gonna fulfill it because you'd be distracted by so many things it's like so I'm walking down the street and they have no know where they're going so they're just strolling and daydreaming which I'm not saying doesn't have value at times we need to just empty ourselves and do that but it's out is definitely not conducive to creating a focused directive and priorities however the fact that a person feels I want to help people and this in this fashion and the health world in the health field tells you okay so this will define what you choose to read what you choose to follow what information you gather because your focus toward that objective I'll speak personally because it's always best to speak personally i from the beginning of my so-called career goes back to my late teens when I came to realize some of my strengths and I and more importantly my passion to try to make a difference in this world by bridging the spiritual with a secular and I'm very always fascinated by the interface and the cross-pollination between science sorry for that it looks like it's continuing okay so to sum up what I've said so far is that the single largest Boulder or most important Boulder is mission because that defines everything else I was speaking about myself so how does it define my life my own purpose omission is a constantly looking I'm always looking at events in the world current events scientific breakthroughs other stuff speaking to people looking to see the deeper message behind it and how can it to turn into something that can help the human race and that becomes a focus and automatically automatically when stuff ends up in my inbox or in social media or other things that come my way I quickly decide is this something that fits my calling and mission or doesn't obviously we all can be distracted sometimes and seduced or this or or tempted by something that does nothing to do with who we are but that's the discipline you need to have but at least you have a fighting chance because you have something driven and I can see the same thing for a person who's in the medical field or health field will be looking constantly what are new health ideas and so I mentioned before gratitude I happen to see it because I look constantly for these things I see a trend developing and we start seeing gratitude articles in this newspaper in this magazine in this blog and this so on you suddenly see a trend but you see these things when you have that focus and every one of us if you know what that focus is you'll start seeing things you haven't seen till now because you know what you're looking for and Satmar oculus it's just a matter of having that type of focus - attitude as I mentioned before let's go back to the example you're walking down the street you're walking down Fifth Avenue in New York City or take any any of any city anywhere any Street especially a busy one how many things are going on in that mall and that Street hundreds here's a store that advertising this and other store and beautiful designs and beautiful showcase especially in the holiday season you go down the same thing when you stroll down into cyberspace millions of millions and billions of websites constant you can be stimulating yourself though all the time so how do you determine so if you have nothing going if you don't have any focus at all whatever comes your way something strikes your fans you know let me I'll walk into this store I'll walk into that store as I said maybe there are days we should do that we're just you know more and more lackadaisical more freeing free-spirited and without any particular focus but you can't live your whole life that way because they end up then just having that Frank the millions of fragments that just drive you in every possible direction so the first thing is what are the things you would focus on what are the things that are priorities defining or I should say the priorities are defined by what other things that you see yourself is your cause as you're calling now you may say I don't have a cause of calling well this is the time to think about that because if you want to correct this you want to unclutter your life it's not just about looking at everything you're doing and what am I going to throw out today what I'm not because how you're gonna determine you'll say this is important you ever try to clean up your house yes and you starts to realize in one second or clean up your office or your desk I say in one second everything is important you know obviously they're always gonna be some garbage that you could throw out but there comes a point where you say you know what I'm never I may need it in the future but when you have that type of focus then you could always say no this can go into storage because I know I'm not gonna access it I don't need it under my and my of my room my office for the immediate future could always access it so I'll make a file put it away in a filing cabinet don't put it away in a storage place clearly or clearly labeled so I can access it retrieve it but what do I want to have on my desk or what do I want to have a nearby yeah you know near my underbody called underhand that on their hands you know what I mean near you near you or what do you want to have in your on your on your desktop what do you want to have you want the things that you use on a daily basis you want your calendar you want other things what is it determined by the term lab what is immediately important but how do you fill your calendar how do you determine what's an important meeting what's not an important so I'm suggesting the first thing to begin with is courts need to identify a cause the fact the faster and the better you identify your cause you immediately in direct proportion to that will be diminished color in your life because the cause will define what is important what's not important for example you remember those best-selling books what to Expect When You're Expecting this was for pregnant women expecting children so this became their prior they want to know what to expect the first semester first in the second in the first trimester in the second trimester etc etcetera what is that because that's their focus at that time that immediately means that's gonna be my priority as the books I'd like to read I'm just using it again as an example this can be around any area in life now some people say well a hobby fit into this let's say stamp collecting butterfly collecting or travel or some other hobby that we may have it qualifies to some extent but not completely because the hobby and the date by definition is an optional thing you can have one hobby today you can have another hobby tomorrow now some hobbies are life a life hobby so to speak that your entire life you're focused on it so then it can spill over into what it's called a cause but hobbies are not always caused driven like to be a stamp collector unless it becomes your primary thing maybe a primary business it's usually a hobby means you do it an extra time some people like crossword puzzles they do clothes repulses everyday I would not call that a cause it could be something you find stimulating and it could be something very gratifying and I'm not going to suggest that it's completely optional but the truth is it is optional because if there are other issues that came up that were more life-threatening or life-and-death you may not do the crossword puzzle it's not that vital even though you may enjoy it so I think it's important to distinguish between things you like and things that are caused driven across coastal puzzle is not necessarily caused driven it could it could sharpen your your vocabulary it can sharpen your in your your the deducing and your creativity but to say that it's caused driven I would not put that in that category without in any way dismissing its value now we live in a world where life is a lot of leisure and therefore people have a lot of things they do that are for leisure I like to swim I like to to surf I like sports I like differently like to want wine taster you know there's a lot of lists I've just used a few there's hundreds and hundreds but these are all interests that can be very nice but I would not put them in the bolder category I would put them in the category as additional elements that help enhance your life cause on the other hand is a force that drives your life from beginning to end your entire life now this doesn't mean that you're constantly 24/7 the cause but it's the primary thing the primary default I go back to myself I can't say 24/7 but it's pretty close to it now this doesn't mean you're not room for other things but you know that this is a vital thing obviously you're eating a meal you need to sleep there are many things we do that our means to another end but this leads me to the next point which is the means and the ends argument another way of determining what a second I should say a second thing that's important that criteria to determine what's a priority I would say to think in terms of means and ends a means means when you go commute to work that's a means nobody commutes in order to commute nobody goes shopping just to go shopping well I should correct myself some people go shopping it's very therapeutic and for some people it's actually cheaper than therapy so one shot but but let's be honest shopping is still at the end of the day not really an end it's an end in that sense but it's a but it's really a means you shop in order to have clothing it's in order to dress nicely in order to be able to present nicely to feel better about yourself that's correct we build homes in order to live in the homes but the building of a home is a means is the means to have a place of shelter of comfort a place where you can be nurtured and nurtured those that you love and love you even school is a means it's an education for what so basically definition of means is that it's always saying why am I doing this because of this the end is the because of and the means is why that the end is the why and the what is the means you eat in order to get strength so you use the strength to what do what to fulfill your purpose in life so you have to think in those terms means and ends very many people when they look at priorities they think the means become an end and they see that as a necessity it's not a necessity it's a step there and I'm not saying it's not an important step so I don't say ok what's that how does that help me I need to commute to work I live here my job is here how am I gonna get from here to here so who cares whether it's called the means that's left to do it yeah you have to do it but you're not going to put into it all your your best energy because it's just a technical technicality it's not gonna be a boulder it's gonna be a necessity based on other necessities so in that sense you start thinking to yourself ok what are the things that I'm doing that are means to another thing that I've become now and end in themselves so many people their careers their work begins as a means to make money in order that they can be able to provide for their own needs and for the leads of their loved ones and grow and succeed and the more they make the more the better the better they can live a bit quality life but then the career becomes an end in itself because what you do so also so many hours a day it becomes an end so when someone asks you as I always point that who are you instead of telling you who they are they give you their business cards because they're what they do has become who they are what you do is not who you are what you do is the means to help you actualize who you are so this leads us back again that the most important thing is recognizing that the you within you should define what is important not based on needs and not based on means so obvious just cause having a cause and a calling and to the means and the ends if you start asking yourself these questions you'll recognize and start listing the things you do and say put an M for means and E for ends you starts being able to filter I'm not saying yet you can decide what should be discarded and what this is optional but at least you can start filtering and saying ok a list of the hundred things I did today how many of them are M and how many they're not E so listen let's go ahead and list everything you did this day from the morning you what moment you woke up sold this evening still at night this includes everything from the moment you wake up you press the snooze button or you go and in an exercise shower eat breakfast coffee tea commute go to work you have coffee break meet a friend I mean all that what you read the different things that you entertain yourself even things that are aggravating you'll get yourself a list of 100 tons and 50 items go ahead and make a list this is a good exercise they make that list and then mark what's a means and what's an ends what could you list in that day in today's activities you can say that qualifies as a candidate you know make a nominate we're gonna nominate nominate items that fit into the category of the big boulders you're not gonna find many and it could be a little disconcerting because you just say one second I spent the entire day you know how many things that I do that I can fit into a boulder you'll end up finding out that much of what we do is means related and based on what I said earlier people's expectations details minutiae sometimes complete nonsense I mean how much time for example does our head space occupied with being consumed with getting even with someone that hurt us or haunted by demons from our childhood some abuse some some type of hurt wound these things also occupy is how much of that is a priority and would you ready to say yes the the my jealousies my pride my wounds are go up there as the boulders that I want to not get rid of I don't think anyone even people who carry a lot of anger and carry a lot of weight inside of them will say I it's it's it aqaq' pies me and it bothers me but I'm not going to say I wanted this to be my number one priority in life who wants to live a life constantly with the hate or anger or pain or vengeance as being the driving force of their lives but it's important to identify because you need to get to know yourself it's a lot of what I'm discussing here you'll so you'll find out is not so much really finding out what those priorities it's just realizing how many things are not priorities which leads me to the third point the first point I said was cause the second one's means and ends the third well to a fourth point the third point was listening and the fourth point I want to make is sometimes you work that way your way through process of elimination instead of finding your priorities why don't you identify what definitely are not priorities because then you'll be able to eliminate those and say okay so what's left you'll be surprised at you'll find that a lot of things you do are not priorities but you don't have anything in place you know that means that means you're filling a priority with something that shouldn't be a priority so it's like your here's your main desk which symbolizes for example the most important thing you should be doing right now okay and what happens you don't really have a priority so so who's gonna what's going to suddenly occupy your main desk whatever comes your way it may be things that are petty nonsense as I said before some of the vices angers and so on what does that tell you there's a vacuum you don't have the priority so other things fill up fill that gap you don't have real boulders to put into your career you see you put boulders that are really don't belong that they may be a detail and I'm not saying they shouldn't be part of your life but they shouldn't be the number one priority so process of elimination could be go a long way because it could help you at least identify what shouldn't be and then you'll say okay second I don't want this to be my priority I don't want this to be and that'll force you to have to make a decision so what should it be and maybe then talk to our objective friend or a mentor I say you know I've been analyzing my life I've been evaluating it and frankly a lot of it is I don't want it to be so consuming so that will force you to come to a point where you say okay so what do you want it to be and that brings me back to the course now the course is not the only thing that I would say is priority because you could also say once they're having a healthy life physically being healthy good hygiene exercising eating right you know without that if you don't have physical health you could have a cause you can be the most spiritual person you can be a godly person but you can't function that's why the Torah says that person should be health even a smart d'emilia the nafs I said I'm protect you or health so I will say about that that that can be a priority but it's not necessarily a end it's a means so you can have a priority that's a means but it's important to have health but why do you have health for what just to live long just to be able to spend more time to feel quality time you don't have to run to a doctor and you don't have to deal with medication and so on that's a nice reason but that's not an end that's going to end up leaving you it's important thing to have just like it's important to eat every day someone's gonna say eating is not that important only it means it's true it's a means but it's a necessary means so I would now make a qualification that means and ends there are necessary means and they're not necessary means they're many things we do that absolutely not necessary we may enjoy it but that's not making it necessary so they're optional means and they're necessary means but let's not make a necessary means into an end just because it's necessary the fact that we eat or we drink or we sleep or we're healthy is a necessary component and yes you may I still wouldn't call it a boulder I would call it as support to the boulder it's a support because you must have it in order to have other things you need to have we need that food clothing shelter friends social but we need to have that to support something deeper and that deeper is the real force that helps unclutter because you could end up saying you know what I love the eating is good you can become a consume you suck you can become consumed with eating I'm not talking about overeating but I'm eating different cuisines and different meals becomes a whole focus but that's still not a fault a purpose-driven life that's a life where you are healthy but you're you're focusing in our means necessary means instead of ends so that's yet another factor that needs to be introduced into this equation so so so far what we have is that there's different criteria that necessary to be able to determine what's a boulder what's a priority cause is my list number one of all cause brings everything else into play whether that could be causes of course are very diverse for different people but it causes a tremendous force of focus it creates that laser energy that really eliminates the scattered energy that of light that is just that the word for it scatter is a word but there's a woman's looking for the right more diffuse right that is yeah fused like instead of focused light okay a few more factors to throw into this equation is the idea which brings me back to the mission so to speak is understanding why we are here because that is the cause driven okay actually that's not something new that's not that's at that I'm sorry that's not a new item that's what I discussed earlier I just wanted to mention that point I didn't spell it out a few more points I would add to the whole thing to just round it out is the following in making that list of activities that we do there are things we do that I just to sum up what I said before but somewhat elaborate there are things we do that are means they're necessary means they're unnecessary means then they're a bunch of things we do as I mentioned that are negative oriented which this means we're occupied with the negative things that have happened in our lives and those are the fears we have and the inhibitions and the all the constraints that limit us from really becoming someone we should be the lack of courage how many people very much complain about that some are more aware of it than others that I don't feel I am really I feel I don't have the courage I don't have the strength and have that willpower to be able to really achieve what I'm capable of doing and that becomes of course a major factor because once you feel weak like that so what are you going to choose you're gonna choose activities that are not that threatening to you that are not that risky that are not that bold so what do you do about that there was even the fact being as they acknowledge you correct my priorities are not necessarily the right ones but I can't really pursue my priorities because I'm afraid to I'm afraid of failure I don't feel have the support we'll have the confidence so that touches upon a very fundamental issue because that would basically say many of our choices therefore I really I an outgrowth of our fears of our tentativeness this affects of course the most importantly maybe above all relationships people feel they can't get into a relationship a committed relationship because they feel has been hurt or they're afraid of being hurt and others other unknowns that come when you're involved with another person which means you don't control your destiny completely you're another person you fall in love with them so you're vulnerable you're you're you're independent and that becomes a very frightening thing for some so they avoid that which means that you may not even pursue a priority I've heard from quite a few people who've told me my priority is to find my soulmate if I find my soulmate I have that security I can build my life based on that and build from that one very good point so why don't you pursue it I'm afraid I'm I I don't like you know too much too much at risk so what happens here is that you know what the priority is and it is a priority I'll talk about that in a moment some more and yet you don't have the courage you know feel the strength to be able to pursue it now that's a very unique challenge but not but I say unique not unique as an a minority of people it's actually many people have this which is not the issue with determining the priorities the issue is how do I pursue my priority when I don't feel I have the confidence or the skills or the tools so what I have to say about that is the following that has to be addressed very differently that that at least we have then is what's called half the Cure awareness of a problem is have the Cure then at least we know what is the issue here their issue why my life is cluttered with all kinds of distractions is because I I'm afraid of really focusing on what matters most I've heard this number of times I remember one scum suggesting to someone that it was a couple but they were very very both of them very insecure they both came from very challenging homes they were trying to cultivate their relationship but they were always afraid to be alone with each other so every night they'd go out to dinner I mean they were people of means they didn't have issues money they would go out to dinner and they avoided really having intimate I'm not talking about sexuality but I'm talking about intimate communication emotional communication they're terrified of it and I said then why don't you make once a week don't go out to dinner stay home they say they both said the same thing they were terrified they said stay on what are we going to talk about here dinner distractions as a waiter what's on the menu let's try another restaurant and it was very clear that they were avoiding the most important thing which is their relationship and was sad because they were they didn't love each other they cared about each other they worked with each other but they were not ready to invest more than and they couldn't wait to go to work all the distractions now this is not uncommon this is just one scenario many people the clutter is actually what they want in their lives because this is the best way to avoid having to build reality so I have so much going on how many people tell me I said you know they call you up something important to address I said okay so let's make let's it's important let's meet I don't have time now as I said what are you doing you know I've work of this but you see right away they're avoiding it they know it's an issue but they're avoided so clutter often is very much actually self-imposed or I would say self-imposed but at least you're well committed texting is one of the best examples people send their phone hours upon hours upon hours now yes it's interesting things and we have access and there's all kinds of blessings of it but for many people it's plain escapism from dealing with reality I remember I was in Jerusalem and I was in a row sitting here I went to get something to eat bite as I go it's a restaurant and I see a whole family sitting there and I recognized the family because one of them was my classes the father was at my classmate I didn't recognize immediately but something bothered me tremendously from the moment they sat down literally I could you not the father was sitting on his phone good morning his wife and his children they ordered he ordered the ate but he was literally on his phone from beginning to the beginning I didn't know who was I just I noticed it like I mean truth is I didn't want to notice it that I was sitting it was right in front of my nose and I then finally when he got up I realized who it was I didn't say anything maybe I didn't have the guts to say anything maybe I should have you know I didn't feel my business to go and get involved but I really said to myself okay Mohamed's close which means to find merit maybe this was emergency and just that day was i but sense that was not just that day that's became his life it's a great distraction I don't know whether his marriage is going well I hope so and his relationship with his children but as is hopefully all is good but this was not healthy because they were came there it was an Israel they came for a visit it wasn't like a regular course of the day they were they were there with it with each other this is unfortunate fact in our society that the clutter that I mentioned before the inundation the deluge is very welcomed by many people it comes down to being basically that the more the more we are we were overwhelmed with this stuff the less we after we could we could less we have to look at ourselves great excuse and enough time to look at myself from go busy answering other people's emails or texting or what's happing and so on so the truth is it's a bit out of the scope of this discussion I was talking about how to unclutter your life when you want clutter if you're truly addicted to clutter and you're addicted to having so much going on so you don't have to focus on yourself because you're so busy with so many distraction that really requires a different type of discussion which is really what's going on in your life why are you afraid of looking at yourself why you so emotionally raw or tender or immature now often is due to growing up in homes where your needs are not met where you lived in fear or you lived in unpredictable circumstances so the thing that the best way to deal with that is instead of building emotional relationships you distract yourself you know this is what children do when their parents don't provide them with the proper security and validation and nurturing what do you think they do they escape into their little games they escape into their little worlds of imagination and dreaming to try to dream up something that works for them and they don't because they don't have control over the over their emotional relationships in their lives and as they grow into adults they are most vulnerable and most prone to escape being toward all these distractions because it works for them it's a great escape so that really requires its own discussion of how we actually deal with that and I'd rather them as the reserve another time to talk about it because it's it's it's somewhat of a different discussion to be honest but this brings me however back to relationships I mentioned before cause I would say a second priority is the relationships we have in our lives now I'm not going to go into our way which is more important causal relationships I think they're interconnected but let me explain what a relationship is obviously a relationship with a significant other is the first and most important because it's interesting when the Bible describes the creation of the human being so it says God created the human being the divine image male and female and then separate them into two so essentially both the reach that both in the raison d'être of our lives our purpose which is your soul in your Divine image why you were sent to this world to fulfill your mission and your significant other which would be your soulmate are connected in the Bob in the biblical story so relationships are not as not an aside they're not just some footnote they are actually a part and parcel of our calling in this world whenever I speak to anybody and speak to many of young people they tell me I say so what are your priorities and often I'm talking to someone who's struggling or has some issue what are your pride my pride right now is to build security I want to build a nest egg income revenue security then I will get married because I feel secured to be able to support a spouse and build a home and children and so on this is very common expression today I always challenge anyone who tells me that I say why can't you do it simultaneously because now because I can't support the family and I need the money but since when is money the most important thing you know I am not confident and and feel very strong saying the following when person does not have a healthy relationship with meaning with a was a spousal level male with a woman man with a woman woman with a man there's going to be it's gonna come back to haunt you because we are also sexual creatures and what are you going to do with your sexuality while you're building your career would be very nice someone says you know what I only believe my career and I have no romantic and no sexual and no intimate needs celibacy that's not how it works that's part of who we are and if you don't build a secure healthy sacred relationship what's gonna end up happening is you may make the money you may not but then you're not in a place where you're going to be able to necessarily build a healthy relationship afterwards besides the fact that it gets more difficult as we get older and I'm not saying there are people I've seen beautiful relationships over any age we're talking about however if you're in the 20s why why not build upon that but in this society like one woman told me in the Upper West Side a few years ago she got engaged she says yeah okay I can't tell you what happened all my friends feel that betrayed them all my single friend said how could you get engaged basic they don't say those words they always celebrated with me but this message was I betrayed their cause and the cause was to remain single and go to singles parties and volunteer and constantly be busy with single life and she felt literally ostracized by her own friends again without them saying it but subtly hi you know well the way she put it was I suddenly betrayed the Lonely Hearts Club who are so lonely but they don't want to say they're lonely you know the point I want to make is that relationships are a vital component of the human condition to be a healthy person you need to have healthy relationships and love and the nurturing that comes with a relationship yes and intimacy is it is a boulder that belongs in the aquarium before everything else now obviously not if it doesn't become for if they grow up being an adult but it comes before making a living and it is a distortion and I remember maybe this politically incorrect to say it there's the concept that we have a career first and marriage second is absolutely wrong as a matter of fact the Talmud says a very interesting thing that God will bless a couple with partnership because now that they brought love into the world they then will bring blessed with the income and money to be able to cultivate that nurture that love it's the same same calculation people say before I have children I need to first have a certain amount of money in the bank but children are bigger blessing than money money doesn't last and children are forever it's the next generation how could you ever replace something temporary with something permanent it's because we have a distorted view of this means this material world of instant gratification of things we think are valuable are the things that are are superficial including finance including possessions and including material lism when we are forgotten that the most important thing in a person is number one your soul your calling and your relationships so this may not be the most popular thing to say today but I'm still stating it and that keep that in mind you have your cause and you have your relationships as two big boulders in your life and you include what I said before distinguishing between the means and an end and the end between necessary means and unnecessary means between what I've also described earlier things that should not be priorities and you remember those two big boulders related causes and relationships your lawyer you'll be fast on your way to unclutter in your life because you'll be able to then say okay one second what are my priorities and what what am i doing now I will tell you the biggest challenge most people are gonna have is they do not accept some of these axioms the axioms that I spoke about cause and relationships because we're so addicted to the details of our lives in the minutia we convince ourselves that's more important than anything else I'm not here to argue with anyone I'm throwing out these ideas on out there everybody can choose and see this fit but be honest with yourself and try to be objective and not prejudiced by your previous choices and when you take that attitude and guarantee you that you have a very different approach to life because what you're focusing on is what is the single most important why we're here and the relationships that we build in that context now there are many more things that are subsets of that obviously because that also leads us to values what are your values what are your value what are the real values in your life so we have to lose the five most important values is it generosity is it helping others is it being kind and ethical and just is it other things of that nature or your values are mimimi survival of the fittest comes first and everything comes second so it's out challenging the next thing is challenging your values what are your values now I rest assured that most people will not say my value is tonight most important values to be selfish even though many people think that way but they don't talk about they don't save that way but it's important for you to be honest because those values are going to determine what you're going to see as a priority because we live in a materialistic world and we are driven by survival selfish gene in Richard Dawkins words The Selfish Gene becomes the force that defines a lot of our priorities how do I feed my selfishness how do I feed my to me how do I feed myself whether it's financially whether it's emotionally whether it's sexually whether it's pleasure oriented feeding oneself and I don't mean the food I mean all the things we do to feed ourselves for many people that is a number-one priority as I said many will not acknowledge it some will and then you won't but if that's the number-one priority you could imagine what what is what that's gonna lead to as they say someone said well that should unclutter my life at least I have a priority know it won't include your life you know why because it's not it's not a cause that's greater than you it's about you and every day somewhat something else can be pleasurable there's nothing consistent about it it's a matter of fact the more you feed it the more hungry you'll get because you don't have anything that really is solids and nothing permanent coming out of it so it's like someone's saying you know I go from Party to party from entertainment to entertainment from pleasure - pleasure that can never end up being something that becomes uncluttering on the contrary what it becomes is then anything goes you show me some show me something that can give me a little pleasure I'm there and basically that becomes the driving force it's not coming from within it's coming from whatever entertains you or whatever Saturday pleasure to do that moment instant gratification so that comes the next thing that the values the fact now unfortunately some people values are not that valuable real good values either because they grew up in homes where their parents did not teach them values or they just develop the cynicism and they as I said selfishness that that is don't mean that much to them here - I'm not here to convince anyone and that requires a whole other discussion what are your values and why are they your values why are these values your values and not others but talking to people most of us who could understand that the values mean refined values values that are just our integrity truth that you don't lie to someone just because you gain from it is you know if people who see that as an axiom then it gives us a given that that value is something you want to protect and preserve and cultivate you want to be around people that are that way unfortunately the marketplace the workplace puts so much pressure on us that many people begin out very very nice and beautiful people but then the pressures forced them to become on those same monsters but sharks because you're driven their bosses drive you to compete with your friends they drive you to do things that were to just drive to climb the corporate ladder at all expense at no and no what's the word not ultimate and no with no scruples necessarily with no particular guidelines just to succeed and you see this time and again this is part of our culture so what stops a person from doing that is ultimately an internal integrity an internal value system that is a boulder in the aquarium that cannot be weighed unwavering which leads me to another point with wavering and unwavering boulders are unwavering there are roots that are deeply embedded meaning that they are not compromisable there are things you can compromise so just as I discussed before means and ends another criteria is look at things that you can that are are negotiable and things that are unknowable we all have things in life that way be interesting if you've made a list of things that are negotiable things that are negotiable what you'd come up with what would you consider uh negotiable meaning there's no way you're not giving that up and then look at it and see maybe ask an objective party is that a healthy thing to be under ghoshal it's very revealing in people's lives the things that are negotiable and uh negotiable some people find I've sometimes I heard things that are negotiable and I just like I was shocked that a person could even say that this thing I must have what is it when I knew was completely optional but that's what happens either we get addicted to it or we get so distorted we convinced this is an app this is absolutely necessary and that also reflects a lot on where we stand in this regard obviously the UH negotiable things in life should be things like truth integrity soul god faith love ethereal things as soon as someone says the material thing is uh negotiable you have yourself a problem like what's under ghost built the couch and you're the fancy couch in your living room you're 70 inch screen the football game you're going to things that are temporary and are negotiable I really think about it are actually a contradiction of terms unnhhh ago scible should be things that are an unwavering that aren't necessary that you cannot give up because they everything stands on that anything that's temporary nothing someone says money is uh negotiable or do you mean money's down the ghost but money itself is temporary money runs out you can't take it with you to the next world little children don't need money they need love love is uh negotiable because without love you don't have the basic ingredients it's like watering a flower without water there's no flower even though money is a blessing and everyone should be prosperous but can someone say that without money we will wither and die maybe difficult poverty is very difficult you wither and die there's no love your soul withers and dies if there's no truth in no integrity so very much in our society we replaced integrity and truth and love with a whole bunch of very arbitrary and very negligible items commodities and that is in another commentary obviously in our society I want to make it clear I'm not here to criticize I'm not here to just just a scathing critique of society even though I am offering that that's not my goal my goal here is to be to up to just shine the light and state observations that are that state state the obvious because we need to be honest and be blunt about the realities around us so it's not the goal is to be negative the goal is to be honest and to be honest you have to look at yourself brutally and honestly and many of these items that I spoke about and many many more so and some you can't you have total control over what fills your life but the key first step before getting anywhere is honest appraisal you have to be able to sit down and ask the questions some of the tough questions I put I presented here and frankly many more questions that I didn't present that maybe this can be a catalyst to for further for for the further discussion but the bottom line is if you're ready to do that then you're you're on your way to freeing up space time and energy in life to focus not on the negatives not on fighting the negatives but I'm finding what you're capable of your great potential and above all fulfilling the calling of your life which as I said before connected with your relationships and also connected with your values these are the things that really shape and define who we are above all it also creates another element that you become free from other people's standards and other people's pressures and the whole pair but all the peer or social pressure of fitting in a certain way expectations you want to be driven from within not from without in other words what Ford drives you're your priorities are what is most important to you to your salt your mission to your calling in this world so with that everyone be blessed with a very uncluttered week and there's a good you can begin anytime to start tonight stop making those lists and and you're as I said that's the journey and feel free to follow up with me if you like anybody wants to compare notes assent any thoughts to just do so to our office so it's my intuitive directly to me that meaningful live.com now we're here every Wednesday approximately like these Ben 8:30 I'm sorry again for the technical challenges that we've had that just goes to show you technology is negligible is optional however the message is not and everyone be blessed last week everybody okay

Channel: Rabbi Simon Jacobson at Meaningful Life Center

Views: 11,985

Rating: 4.8853502 out of 5

Keywords: rabbi simon jacobson, kabbalah, chassidus, clutter, fragmentation, cluttered life, fragmented life

Id: Ld7uhmXA0g4

Length: 72min 22sec (4342 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 22 2017