The Anatomy of Self-Sabotage

the anatomy of self-sabotage that was the type that this topic I know I'm smiling but it's really nice my laughing matter I once met someone came to see me about new shoes challenges they had and and I asked them you know we're going through different usual suspects of the issues of problems people have and I asked the person they have any if he has any blind spots and his answer was yes but don't worry he said I know where they are now the definition of a blind spot is that you don't know where they are that's why it's called a blind spot because if you know where they are then you can do something about it so you may know for example the card is the blind spot with the rearview mirror can't quite pick up a particular section of the to the right back of your car so since you know that there's that blind spot you do something to compensate for it by either looking over your shoulder I guess that's what he meant but my impression was that it was really about not about being able to identify that they really thought that since I know what my blind spots are I'm not blind to them and that's not correct in 2002 Donald Rumsfeld created a whole uproar commentary when he was being questioned and targeted about the Iraq war President Gulf War and he said at a time that there are things we know we know there are things we know that we don't know and then there's the in other words the known that know the knowable unknown the unknown which we know is unknown and then there's what we don't know we don't know the unknown unknown and obviously the third category is the one that creates most problems because you have no idea what you don't know and in the defense in other areas that's the most important area because any surprise could happen because you don't even know it's one thing you know that you don't know something so you keep an eye out on it but happens if you don't even know that you don't know you don't know what area is even to look at so when someone says don't worry I know my blind spots are that begins to be the first reason to worry be concerned because that means they're not acknowledging their own subjectivity and their own inability sometimes to see clearly and and therefore they you can end up becoming part of the problem this is especially true in relationships an emotional area where people can be convinced that they're right and when you say to them are you sure that you have it all figured out they say absolutely the problem is my spouse the problem is this one the problem is that one the problem is this problem is that and when you challenge this person and say one second how do you so sure maybe you're part of the problem not they're convinced once a person has takes that stance and that attitude it's almost impossible to do anything about that because then you're dealing with the situation where you are going to talk to they're convinced that they're not the issue so that's the topic we're going to be addressing what do you do about that and basically essentially we can become our own worst enemy whether you call it self-destructive behavior or self-sabotage or other terms but essentially our own subjectivity gets in the way and thus does not allow us to really solve a problem because it's one thing if it's true that someone else is the problem or something something else is the problem so then you identify that someone or that something you denta fie the problem you do something to remedy it but if you indeed are part of the problem and don't even recognize or acknowledge it what's what the records do we have because every second you're just feeding the problem as we say many times the wareness of an issue is half its cure if you're not aware what we call denial then where do you go from there so the most important thing before we even get into the details of the anatomy of it all is to recognize that in any given situation you may have blind spots that you're not aware of yes you may have blind spots that you are aware you know some people for example say I know when it comes to let's say my children I'm emotionally subjective and I don't know how to say no so so it's a type of like a weakness so that's we could call that the known unknowns you know that you're weak there but what about the areas as I was saying that we have no clue that we don't even know that and the sofa persons are ready to approach it with some type of acknowledgement that that's possible many many many problems become far bigger and far greater than they had to become so think of it this way imagine how many problems would be avoided or solved if we were able to look at ourselves and people be able to look at themselves and see that indeed there may be something I don't know that I don't know because then that's the beginning and beginning of the Cure because you're ready at least acknowledge that that's what we want to discuss so everybody understands that people are subjective that is a given comes with the turf every one of us is born with subjective interests in the Hebrew term for it is the gaiba Davo which means you're biased there's a self bias a self prejudice about issues that in general you'll give yourself the benefit of that and you won't give someone else the same benefit of the doubt you'll be much lighter on yourself and much more lenient in yourself than you'll be with others I should qualify there are people who are far harsher on themselves than others that's also a problem but we're talking in the more common sense because there's a thing called survival and we protect self protection self protective survival so if any issue comes up in a good way we need to be able to protect ourselves that's the way God wired us that when you're in a dangerous situation or something happens you always are taking care ensure that your needs are being taken care of that's fine where does it become a problem when that spills over as I said to a subjective of interest that doesn't allow you to see the problem or see that you may be part of that problem so in analyzing this the real question is what is the root of this self-interest and what is the root of our ability to and our capacity to be so blind to the point that we can be self-destructive now basic circuit psychology would dictate and state that most people's self-destructive behavior is a result of one of the following causes one it could be that when we have been invalidated especially in our childhood and we don't have the security and comfort of just being accepted who we are so we are constantly bending over backwards to protect our turf and to protect ourselves to the point that we find it invalidating and finding an AI elating if we were to be wrong so some people simply feel they can't be wrong and they're really what they're really doing is trying to protect themselves and often it comes from a deep insecurity so that idea that someone says you have a blind spot though something is matter with your of you that becomes very very threatening because essentially it's challenging our perception as I said someone who's extremely insecure will have that issue because insecurity outgrowth of that is the need to always feel that I need to be secure and that includes an exaggerated sense of righteous self-righteousness and exaggerated exaggerated sense of seeing it my way and an inflexibility and inability to be able to recognize or see that there may be something you're not seeing because for that person it challenges I said their very being whereas a secure person can say you know what I'm secure if you point out that I made a mistake or you point out I have a blind spot I will not become an eyelid I won't blow I won't disappear as a result I won't be judged by it and I won't see myself as less because could because I have a blind spot that a secure person which an insecure person would never say that the insecure person right away is threatened as if you're taking away their right to be able to choose or the right to be able to be correct so often you can explain this adamant that people say I'm absolutely right and the problem is with someone else is really just a very fundamental insecurity that it just cannot look at something and see that maybe they are part of the issue or the problem that's one way another way is you mimic patience mimic mimicking behavior if you saw your parents and the adults that were shaped you in your formative years that they were always right a father for example that could not be wrong he's always right and as a child you sometimes so your father was not right but you can constantly saw that he insisted everybody say he's right or a mother for that matter then you mimic that and you feel that's that's the way to be the way to be is that you do not have blind spots and if someone challenged your father and said you know maybe you got it wrong and he becomes very adamant and says no as a child you start mimicking that even though it's unhealthy but that becomes your model so your model becomes one of lack of acknowledgement that I may have an issue and this can be very profound as I said it's one thing and I should maybe elaborate on this even though I mentioned it but I want to elaborate it's one thing to know you have a blind felt like I said with the rearview mirror in a car and that means it's like knowing this is a sensitive area but many of us will go to a lawyer or an adviser or consultant in a given area because we know I have a blind spot here since I have a blind spot and I have self interest I go to an advisor and say this is my situation can you give me advice that is a very healthy approach why because you recognize you may have a blind spot you recognize you may not be able to fully see the picture clearly so you want someone to give you a second opinion whatever the circumstance may be that's knowing as I said unknown knowing that there's something unknown and you're going now to try to achieve clarity but the problem becomes far more greater as I said earlier when you have no clue that you don't know you may be proceeding and think everything is five imagine someone driving in that car looks in the rearview mirror and they think they have the entire peripheral vision periphery vision and sees everything and they decide to move to the right lane and God forbid as the car right there because of the blind spot they didn't see the car they can be a major accident god forbid why because they didn't recognize that there is that blind spot they didn't know that there's an unknown it's an unknown unknown so if we apply that to other areas in our lives we all have stuff like that where you can be convinced I have it figured out either as I said either because others of you've allowed yourself to convince yourself and have never been challenged which is yet another factor that often causes us all so that's a third reason so I gave so far two reasons here's a third reason why someone may be in that situation where they are blind to their blind spots and that is I said the first reason I said was insecurity the second is mimicking adult behavior that has shaped cube and the third the third is a completely different reason and that is that you've been used to you've been spoiled no one's ever challenged you there are people there are kids that are spoiled that they think they're always right they always have that sense of entitlement and no one's ever challenged them so they become convinced as they grow into adults which of course is one of the great services or parents who always make their children feel that they're right there's nothing wrong with feeling confidence of your children and feeling their security that's absolutely healthy but if your child makes a mistake you want to be also tell them this was a mistake because you don't want them to be deluded into thinking as they grow older that whatever they do is perfect there are people like that a sense of deep entitlement where they cannot make it they can do no wrong it's probably connected somewhat to the first and second reasons as well but it's another factor that should be added in the picture so we have here these different factors that come to a point where we literally are a situation where we cannot see them what we cannot see you can say that the ball symptoms terms of your symptoms words on the verse aster has hosta asked upon I we says God says in the double concealment I have caught and covered my face so he explains that there's two type of coverings one is a darkness a covering where you know it's dark and when it's dark you know it's dark outside so therefore you either shine a light or you just avoid looking for things because it's dark but what happens if the darkness conceals the fact that it's dark what happens if that happens if the darkness conceals the fact that it's dark you don't even know it's dark you can convince yourself it's light and you convince yourself everything is clear when in fact it's such a darkness you don't even know it that would be the unknown unknowns and that of course is a far more complicated one because you don't even have that awareness so the first step is to recognize that you can never ever be sure about things and in case your case you're so convinced always check with a objective party you might just move that box get rid of it yeah fine sorry about that so so in the anatomy I've given so far three reasons but if you go deeper and this is a theme that I have a recurrent theme that discussed many times especially based on the Kabbalistic concept from the IRAs all the doctrine of the Simpson so Simpson is a concealment where he explained the utter concealment what he calls the initial symptom the primordial symptom which is the primordial concealment with the divine presence the divine reality concealed itself in order to allow for independent consciousness like ours to arise to emerge and that is really the root of all concealments had that not existed what is the hiv/aids time is the classic work of Rob Heineman tau R II documents this doctrine and many others he puts it this way with its symptomatic so-called pre symptom conceptually pre what was the consciousness like says the divine energy filled everything not everything of course is a just a metaphorical term because there was no everything it just means whatever would be anything that would be possible that would become existent it filled I think of it this way imagine truth the truth filled all of reality we would have no court cases we would have no lies we'd have no deception we would have no duplicity because truth would be there you know sometimes think about a court case spends millions not who knows how many dollars just to see if a person has lied people were just telling the truth and everybody was honest we wouldn't have the whole legal system we wouldn't need a legal system but we live in a world where truth can be concealed something that happens you can deny it you could say never happens you may have been a criminal and done something you could say never happen so the catalysts are very disturbed by that concept how is that possible how could a how could we how could there be such an untruthful world and Alma the SheiKra especially one created by God the ultimate the absolute and epitome of truth and the answer is because the truth concealed itself in a loud room hi Rachel it's a seat for those that want to make a mistake they can make a mistake those that want to lie they can lie there's a duplicity it's only possible because there's a concealment there's actually a very fascinating statement that says that when we share comes in the Seanna cage evan mcusic the stone from the wall will cry out the stone from the wall will cry out and tell us and bear witness of what it seemed now you could that sounds like miraculous but today it's not so miraculous if you look at for example how cameras are now being placed almost everywhere on earth you're literally coming to an age where literally everything can be seen and heard through technology so may not be the stone of the wall but it's definitely a physical camera or a microphone that everything can testify that there will be a point where you'll not be able to get away with a crime and sound with someone recording it I know that's terrifying for many people because they live secret lives or duplicitous lives or double lives but that is not a very distant future it's already happening today something happens on the street most likely there is a camera that picked it up and these cameras are multiplying more and more and more they're probably places where there isn't an inch that's not covered so is that not a form of the stones of the walls cry out okay you could say it's not as physical stone it's not a physical wall but it's still a physical objects it's a physical technology made up of digital parts and other components that allow that capacity where once upon a time time and space were very separate from one another and there was a wall that separated you can do something other side of the wall no one will see you that's no longer the case I actually just read about a new technology that doesn't even need a camera it picks up like almost like an x-ray you can pick up the waves just like cell phone for example have the cellular cellular waves that are bouncing around imagine a machine that can pick up like like like the ultrasound can pick up objects through shooting or audio waves so you don't even need a camera through all your webs you can actually see the images of something moving about in the house or another store or whatever it may be so if you think of all the technologies and all the different whether it's x-rays or it's infrared or others you know today it is not is quite conceivable that that verse will be a reality of a real reality in our lives what about my point my point is that that is a world where the truth is obvious but as it as we are right now we can hide a truth we can say one thing I mean another we can do something and then deny it we can live with our secrets because that's the world in which we live a duality where what you see is not what you get and there is a separation there's a concealment that is the root of it all the concealment now the concealment can be as I said a consumer where you know that you're lying like there are people who know I'm not telling the truth you know but you know when it really gets tragic when you don't even know you're lying anymore and some people become such compulsive liars and so comfortable with lying so serial Liars they didn't even know what to lie anymore it became natural to them and as we all know when it comes to lies once the lie becomes one lie has leads to another lie and another lie another lie and your whole life your whole life story can be a lie and it becomes so comfortable that you're not even guilty or feeling anyway there's got uncomfortable with the fact that you're saying you're saying an untruth and that's when we enter in the world of the unknown unknowns where suddenly we become somebody we're really not and we're faking it or acting and projecting one thing when we're really feeling or seeing something else there's even a point where you don't even know who you really are am i the one that is masquerading or am i something else and this happens especially in situations think of just an example a very dysfunctional home where there's almost excitement conspiracy that we cover up the abuse in the home we cover up the lies where you become complicit in a really false reality how many times have I heard from people I live the false life I live in the home where we were told we have to smile for the pictures I was told to have to look happy told to go to school and feel all good when in truth is I was crying and and tortured with it so you suddenly have two realities you grow up thinking projecting this type of outside show when in truth inside you miserable you're hurt and then there comes a point where the inside becomes so concealed you don't even know who's who I've heard this as well now obviously I'm using the extreme examples and most cases we don't have such extremity but these examples are real but they show us on a moderate level that there is that capacity that at some point you know you have stories I'm trying to think of ones that are very obvious stories which people assumed another character and after a while they don't want to give up that character because that's what they became they have now assumed another character they're very comfortable with it so this is essentially that the epitome of being duplicitous of self sabotage because you have now concealed the concealment it's like you killed the witness and no one ever will know that you're not that person anymore and maybe it's a form of identity theft in that necessarily in the legal or financial sense but in the psychological sense and identity crisis and it's all as a result of the fact that concealment is a reality in our lives and if that concealment becomes something you you live off you live off then you become part of that problem a you yourself become someone that becomes self-destructive and then there's a situation where you really cannot even acknowledge that you have blind spots you definitely cannot acknowledge that there's the unknown unknown that there may be things you have no idea that you don't even know I mean sometimes it's almost pathetic you hear people speak about themselves and you see right through them that they really is so transparent they don't even realize it either they're bragging or they're projecting some type of bravado that they really are not and and for some people transparent and it's sad to see that a person goes through those motions and they really think they're fooling somebody maybe they are fooling some people and they like to hang around people they fool and often they're not comfortable with someone that somewhat sees through them so the point here is not obviously to make somebody uncomfortable or to insult or humiliate someone it's just my point is simply to make how far to what extent we can carry this component of lying to ourselves to the point you don't even know that you're lying to yourself which is even worse than if you do know well you know one could argue which is worse whether it's just delusional to the point you don't even realize that you are simply deluding yourself or you you do realize that maybe those are the two levels of the darkness that I talked about the known unknowns the unknown unknowns so how does it help us knowing the root of these issues following so far that so how does it help us to know the route well the root of problems are always critical because you could always is this symptomatic medicine there's a remedial medicine where you address the symptoms you know person has blind spots so let's say you help them start seeing clearly but you may not get to the root of it then you're just resolving the issue short term understanding the root helps us really understand ourselves and the way also dfangs the enemy because it's not about that we're necessarily bad people we were thrust into a world that's a lying world remember that symptom is not man-made it's divine it's God made and it's not made in China and it's not made in Americans that made in any other country it's divine product it's a divine product that was given to us as a reality that we were born into this world there will be an element of concealment we will not see take for example a mark twain is a great line he says the two most important moments in a person's life is the moment you're born and the moment you realize the purpose for which you were born so the moment we're born everybody can relate to but the moment the purpose you are born what is the purpose when we come out of our mother's womb we don't have a little box or a little packet that says hey this is your mission to fulfill the rest of your life with rust into a world even the best of homes and hopefully parents that nurture us and educate us and teach us and guide us and and and cultivate the help to cultivate our skills still purpose is going to be an effort to find and then when you go down the roads of life and I don't mean the physical roads I mean the figurative roads and you go do you go to the right you go to the left who I choose this do I choose that you may not know you may go down the wrong road make mistakes and even come back and try the next road or you may end up in the mistake and never want to come back and then start wandering nobody gets lost in the woods overnight you make one little you veer off a little and then you don't go back what happens after a while you're so far away and sometimes people say how did I lose my way I didn't begin in a moment it took time so we live in a world that color colored remember khuskhus Arcana the Talmud says all the paths of our journey are filled with danger and I say danger doesn't serve me physical danger it just means we do not know right now you can make a choice I'm going to do the following I have two options do I go this way do I go that way and you make a choice and maybe a mistake there's nothing wrong with that if you catch a mistake and you correct it what's wrong is if you start becoming invested in your mistake and say you know what no it's impossible I didn't make a mistake and start deluding yourself with the thinking the mistake is the right way you know language of adult words the language in 1984 doublespeak whatever the language that they create Wars peace love is hate and suddenly you convince yourself that that which is a complete mistake is the way of life my path so life is filled with these lurking dangers and we do not we enter a world with not by our choice is the paths are concealed from us what is your path to our happiness can someone tell you I mean what Majan son was able to guarantee or path to happiness we all know anyone that guarantees that you know is not a path to happiness because the path to happiness is filled with filled with challenges and filled with doubts and filled with trial and error so that is not part of our that's not our doing that God could put us in such a world that's a symptom but what we do afterwards is the key that's why it's so critical to know the root because once you know that you say okay once I know that this world just because something looks appealing someone offers your candy you have to know maybe it's not a candy maybe it's poison so it offers you something very appealing something seduces your senses something seduces you something is very tantalizing very tempting you have to know once you know that there's a symptom world that there's a world of concealment not everything that looks good is good not everything that looks right is right so knowing that is the first way we counter that simpson so in a way we're at war with it symptom the divine symptom that God created God concealed and our job is to reveal the worst thing possible is if you buy into the concealment and say you know it's I'm not concealed it really is beautiful and look and then start pursuing a life like that and convinced yourself that materialism is an end in itself that's the first deception that we think materialism is the biggest seducer materialism I mean by his materialism I mean everything whether it's money power Fame pleasure hedonistic behavior everything that gives you gratification that's the first buying into the decide what is the right way the right ways to know that there are many things that tempt me but these are the but but this is a life that's concealed I don't this may not be my path and the healthy thing is to figure out what is my path so you count you don't allow the symptom to deceive you and the first thing to know is that there is a concealment that's inherent in life that's why it's so important to understand the anatomy of self-sabotage it begins with recognizing there's a concealment now it does not have to become self-sabotage if you understand that it's concealed so one analogy given for this powerful analogy and Hasidic thought is the parent that hides from the child in order to the child to elicit the child's ingenuity to find the parent so the parent being a very smart parent and wants to elicit that the ingenuity hides himself or herself and a very good conceal themselves a very good hiding place it's actually so good that the child cannot find the parent it looks and looks looks expression of the rubber one Sunday it looks at Monday it looks at Tuesday and Wednesday it looks and FrontPoint I can't find my parent now there's two options that could happen here the child can either continue looking realize it's there somewhere I just haven't found yet and I need to keep keep at it or the child can give up what is it giving up means saying you know what maybe my parent isn't there after all that's when we begin to enter the blind spots of recognizing of not not acknowledging that they're under the unknown unknowns because if the child at least continues searching it may take time so at least you know I know there's something I don't know and I'm seeking and searching and trying to find it but if the child gives up then it buys into the deception and gives it a lot more credibility than it really was because then the parent what happens the parent never meant to hide the parents simply meant that child should find the parent so imagine our Saturdays a parent is hiding and the child is no longer looking so the parent remains crying in that in that great hiding place and the child no longer is looking this is the equivalent of what what is translate psychologically is when we are no longer we convinced ourselves that there is no there's nothing secret there's nothing there's nothing hidden I see everything what I see is what I get I don't see a parent that means there's no parent I don't see God I don't see miracles I don't see light and I don't see direction and then that can turn into a certain skepticism which can in turn in turn evolved into a cynicism and apathy and indifference to the point you know what my life is fine is a really fine not necessarily but it's comfortable and many people would rather choose a comfort zone than the truth if you could be comfortable and it's not true or you can be true and it's not comfortable which one would most people choose I know people would like to say I would always through the path of truth but that's not so be the case because the fact that matter is comfort zones are very powerful so now the comfort zone comes into play and the comfort zone is essentially a force that just feeds into our own self-destructive stuff and this comfort zone I'd rather be comfortable which also leads us to another situation where people don't like confrontation and don't want to rock the boat don't want to change the status quo all that feeds into so let's leave it as is fact that this the status quo is not really healthy one the status quo is one where we're not really growing I'm not looking at ourselves and not looking at another person but everybody is comfortable this leads to what some people would call with Thoreau calls a life of quiet desperation most men lead the live a life of quiet desperation with emphasis on the word quiet this desperation you know you really feel desperate you feel things aren't working that's already a good because at least you're uncomfortable but quiet desperation is you begin to resign yourself into your life situation where you say you know what this is who I am this is what my spouse's this is other circumstances of my life and if you call yourself a victim of circumstances but somewhat giving in resigning to the fact that this is it and the fact that I don't see clearly or my my significant other or close people around me don't see clearly you know it's who wants to fight anymore stick to the comfort zone now I'm not here to make anybody uncomfortable or actually I try to but doesn't always work like they say you know you want to make miserable people happy and happy people miserable maybe that's not the right but it make comfortable people uncomfortable and uncomfortable people comfortable maybe that's a better way to put it because the fact that matter is yes many people will live out their lives and not actualize their potential and not even realize how much them how much they're missing and how much they don't see their people will remain blind now you really can't do anything much for some somebody who just locks digs in and just refuses to see which is why I've told often people tell me ask me what happens if I'm dealing with someone therapists ask me or rabbi I'm dealing with someone they just don't see what am I supposed to do wring their neck you know so at some point you have to decide you to choose your battles and realize you can't really help someone that doesn't want to help themselves but you can talk about it like I'm doing right now because you never know you never know when something will enter a person even if they have living in this more delusional state where they don't even realize that they're blind to some things they don't even know they don't even know the unknown they don't they're not even aware of the unknown unknowns and they don't even address that you never know something enters sometimes it's due to a crisis sometimes it's due to some wake-up call but it's still important to talk about because then the day I was taught and trained the firm belief that a person's soul is always there Ania Shana I may be asleep at the evil EB ever my heart is awake so even though on one end we may be asleep maybe walking in our sleep meaning psychologically emotionally spiritually may not be fully cognizant at our fullest state of alert consciousness and that could be a person who's basically completely overwhelmed with their work overwhelm with other material needs and so on and they neglect and forget about their deeper spiritual and transcendental and more and higher higher needs but the soul is still ticking the heart is still awake even if on the outside they're asleep so that's why we continue to talk and we continue to stimulate and try to ignite something because the soul is always awake even for those that are completely blind that's the ultimate good news now it may take time to access and may take many words but words from the heart and to the heart and if indeed there is that that voice inside of us in just a matter of continuing to being persistent and relentless then it's worth it obviously when it comes to dealing with people in time that time is limited you can't deal with everybody so you try to deal with those where you can be of help and you try to deal with those that are open to something you know I must say there are situations I've seen where people are just blinded whether it's due to the mistakes they've made and they just can't come to terms and acknowledge it and they or they're due to self self-medicating and numbing themselves and not being able to therefore really look at things that I see very often which is a secondary problem that it begins with an issue and then being being that so intolerable they start numbing themselves self-medicating whether it's with actual medication or with its psychological dependencies or other unhealthy and destructive behavior and then you're talking to someone in dealing with someone and you don't see where you can have an open it so one has to make a decision if a person is that state one makes a decision the decision then is that perhaps right at this point and I've told this to people I said sad as it sounds I really don't think I could help you anymore because there's nothing getting through now you still know I still have the hope you still have the hope that there's someone there but question is how much time can you spend maybe they need some more to go through their own lives before they get to that point but that's more the logistics of it but unpractical on a more conceptual level there's no question that we have the capacity to both be blind but we also have the capacity to be honest and I always go back to my analogy with children children are not born liars children are not born duplicitous children actually born I would say their Preet Simpson creations they come from a reality that was seamless there was no duality and that's why in the early formative years their early years they are very seamless it's only once they buy into and become part of and product of and they are not affected by the adults of our corrupt world by the duplicity --zz around them that something changes but that tells you something very powerful we were all born children we were all at some point pre tree of knowledge consciousness which means the innocence that we had where there was no two worlds where there was only one reality as we see in young children so the challenge is can we re access can we reclaim that innocence can we regain that which is why you find that all human beings even people who sometimes have gone to places that are very very dark there's a point in them there's always a child in them that you could touch and I saw some of the interviews and this sounds may be a little morbid but some of the interviews with people's serial killers who are behind bars and they've been interviewed by journalists and by writers to try to understand how did the person become a serial killer or even even more even maybe more grotesque these people who are hired assassins that's what they do they're paid to kill and and you start listening to their lives how did that happen now the first time they murdered someone four thousand dollars or whatever the amount they got paid you try to go back to their childhood like when did this person become a murderer and I'm not talking about a murder an act of passion we're talking about the deliberate premeditated hired gun I hired assassin there are such people unfortunately and I've seen interviews of with their parents I mean most cases you're going to find a very unhealthy childhood obviously it's not like some guy grow up healthy and just said listen I've absolutely become a doctor a lawyer or or a physicist and decide become a hired assassin it's usually not the way it works they probably got into trouble in most cases younger maybe not murder less lesser crimes but it always comes down to that some point they got desensitized desensitized to the sanctity of life and that that that life is valuable and you could almost say that they're not just not valuing the people they kill they don't even value their own life there's a certain lack of sensitivity which when you think about it is so not natural to a human being because naturally we're sensitive to our own laws for sure and by natural to us other people's lives yes it is true that a person will be more protective over themselves and over others and there are people who have informed on others have heard others have even killed others or have caused them to be killed you know however everybody has a certain sensitivity and it's not that simple to just murder somebody else so when you think of it that way when you start wondering where did is the sensitivity in sent the desensitization come into play it's not from day one when they were born often it is to the hatred that they experience in their own parents homes or to the broken family they grew up in or as I said they saw life being treated like trash so they developed an attitude that it's worthless and once it's worthless then then of course they allow themselves to fall into places to do things inappropriately and then as I said before you wander off and suddenly all you know you're being called to kill somebody for money I'm not going to claim that I can understand going to the mind and the psychology of these individuals but I will claim the following that even people like that did not begin that way people like that these that desensitization is not just blind spots there their whole their hosts I would say even the state of sanity or their state of awareness is completely distorted it's the only way for them to live that they can't think of another person as a life you have to just think it's my job and that's that so I just used this crazy example just to point out how distorted and blind the person could become but going back to the roots of what I was saying earlier it really comes down to the fact that we are individuals are at essence were born with a certain sense of sanctity and therefore a certain sense what I would call truth and the truth and integrity is really seamlessness seamlessness the best way to put it and seamlessness is the opposite of concealment when seamlessness means that everything is like I mentioned before from the edge time that everything was filled with one reality that is truth the fact that we can have a truth that's concealed a fact that it can go on undercover and the general sense on or an individual sense is a product and a in a symptom and consequence of the symptom that I described but that's the first step after that it's up to us so the first most important thing and maybe that's exactly one of the great contributions that reasons are made by teaching of the symptom is to know we live in a hut early concealed world a world that does not reveal in source an agnostic universe the word in Hebrew for tavaa for nature tava and Hebrews nature what comes from a root that means submerged comes from the verse Tov will be answered Tov will be on surf submerged in the sea what is that what does nature have to do with submergence because the way it's understood is very interestingly when you look at nature the sun rising sun setting the seasons the natural order of the different species in this world when you look at it what do you see you see beauty you see harmony you see design see tremendous asymmetry however do you see the hand behind it you see the choreographer or the conductor it's like listening to music but you see who's playing this music we don't the example given often is that the world is like a garden the other Heights of which means a ax in the hand of the axe holder of the axe man but imagine you only so the axe and you don't see the one holding the axe or imagine seeing the glove without seeing the hand inside the glove that means submerged that devant the divine architect the energy and forces that shape existence are concealed they're submerged as if you threw an object into the sea and where's the object you don't see it it's concealed even though it's definitely there that you don't see the hand inside the glove you don't see the force behind the action so imagine seeing a stone flying right now you know so you'll deduce that the stone had to throw that stone didn't come from nowhere or some force had to propel that stall you don't see that force all you see the stone is moving that's the universe in which we look at we see a universe it works more design infinitely more design and wisdom than any clock at any piece of technology than any airplane than any machine and anything but you don't see the engineer you don't see the creator so when it comes to a book you read a brilliant piece of literature you also don't see the author but we right away recognize this author must be a great author to have written such a book same thing a piece of art same thing a piece of music so that's why the way this puts it is that nature is called submerged because nature in nature is submerged the forces that make nature tick that's the first example of a concealment so we can delude ourselves into thinking you know it's the glove it's not the hand it's the axe it's not the expert man it's the object not the one who's moving that object and that's the first lie as I said earlier that's a divine deception God concealed but when we buy into the lie that's up to us when we buy into it and say you know what that's all there is what I see all I know is what I see like someone tells me I don't believe anything that I cannot count meaning money now every one of us knows that life especially the most important elements of life you cannot count and you can't even see you can hear taste or touch or smell it love ideas compassion soulfulness kindness the things that make us tick to make the thing that make us human beings that make us unique are all invisible discussed it last week at length with technology and yet that remains concealed so we only see the outer surface like you see the sea the ocean you have no clue what's underneath it today we know because cameras people have dived on the Delisle and we know there's a whole universe they're more complex even than the universe that we know on earth on land and that's what nature is so it's a concealed and the question is do we buy into it or not that's on a collective level on a macrocosm and the microcosm it's the same with us self-interest is the way we were born to protect ourselves as I mentioned earlier however what happens next if that's self-interest and that self serving focus that egocentric focus goes too far then suddenly what happens is I can do no wrong something goes wrong to someone else then you start buying into your own lives and to your own excuses your own justifications and to the point where the blind spots become no longer blind spots they become part of your reality no I'm not blind something matter with you it's not me and to the point do you completely lose sight not only of the known unknowns but also the unknown unknowns as I discussed earlier that's where you've gone off so it began with yes we all are negative we all are subjective creatures we have our prejudices we have our biases we have our blind spots there's nothing wrong with that just like existence began with that symptom is a concealment but don't overdo it keep it contained minimized which means that which is concealed is concealed because that's what God wants that which is concealed because I am subjective person fine but can't abide but you counterbalance it and that's the antidote by getting advice I mean almost normal people running a business I'm never going to just say I make all the decisions by myself they have need an accountant you need a lawyer you need advisors you talk to people who have more experience yeah we make our mistakes and sometimes we don't listen to them sometimes we don't consult but everyone understands that there's certain things you're not going to just go buy a buy a building or build a building of 45 one-story for let alone 20 30 stories without talking's its own who's built a building before I mean I don't think anybody would do that we may cut corners we may make our mistakes because we understand that we don't know everything and there's areas that we have no experience I got to talk to someone that's more experienced but that's easier because those areas don't touch us emotionally their company you know you want to succeed in the business or you want to build something or you want to do talk to sone that done it before obviously but even there frankly many of us make subjective mistake because we like to be right or we don't like to hear that we're wrong you could ask this to many accountants to tell you their clients are not interested in hearing all the mistakes they made or at least couch it in a way that doesn't sound like they made such a bad mistake but when it comes to our personal lives that's where it gets out of control because our personal lives is very emotional and very subjective and that's where you are being so called use under the microscope it's no longer whether you made a right business decision and there and you want to make the best decision to succeed here you're under the gun you're under the lights your so called in judgment meaning this reflects on your identity and here is where it becomes more complicated already touches home touches our hearts so in a relationship you're really ready to look at yourself are you going to look at someone else and then of course of course it can spiral out of control as I described or you can nip it in the bud and stop the bleeding and do something about it by recognizing we have yet subjectivity I'm not going to let my subjectivity become a monster that completely deluded causes me to delude myself into thinking that I'm right when I'm wrong well that my blind spots don't exist or that I know which I don't know and recognize that we have areas that we really need advice or guidance and ready to accept that which of course is the concept of bittle the ability to put yourself aside and do what's good do you know how many nights I've cried when I've seen how parents who biologically and naturally love their children with single handedly are destroying their children hurt their children you think how is that possible you love your child more than anybody does but because there's self-righteousness and their self-delusion is so strong they cannot see that maybe they don't know how to do it maybe they're making a mistake no that's not possible I know what's right for my child and often that's not the case you love your child I'm not questioning but love doesn't always mean you know what's right it means that you love them and if you really love them maybe you should check your own ego and check your own insecurity and maybe figure out maybe this is not the right thing for them very hard for a parent who's insecure and and obstinate and convinced that they know to hear that maybe they don't just to show you how this blindness can ultimately cause damage and I'm talking about damage not just some subtle thing because the fact the matter is we all have our blind spots we all have our the place in our lives that we are not able to see and especially the unknown unknowns can a person wake up absolutely because as I said before even though nature conceals and our own personal natures conceal us from our own truths so tablet ever autumn also conceals our Mikasa I called over there you go love self-love can see it covers everything when you love someone it covers up you're ready to cover up their flaws you love yourself besides myself love can also cover up covers up conceals your own blind spots your own weaknesses the person acknowledges that that's when begins the redemption and here's the interesting and irony that when you begin to really acknowledge and become aware that you don't know everything and that they're known that they're you know that they're you come to learn that there are known that you know that there are not and then you come to learn they're unknown unknowns you know what happens you suddenly begin to master the unknown because you have allowed yourself to acknowledge that that's how it opens up to you and that's when you start discovering either you come to know the unknown the unknowable or at least you come to extrapolate what it's like but as long as you're convinced so think of somebody standing on the ground on a plateau and yes then what does The Horizon look like they give you an image what they look up and they see the sky they see the Sun to see this this is what it looks like now ask them to climb up on the mountain 20 feet up they climb up what do you see now they'll give you a different answer because they see more go to the top of the mountain the peak of the mountain what do you see now a completely different picture because they're no longer on the grounds like a bird's eye view horizon is completely different you say okay so which one is the right one the truth is really depends on your perspective but the right one is obviously the highest peak but imagine a person is convinced that they are ready on the peak they're convinced that where I am right now that's all there is there's nothing higher than me there's no climbing they can live their lives and convince themselves that the horizon is not at all what it really is it's someone looking with myopic vision from middle through there tunnel vision of myopic vision and see a little picture and they think that's it as soon as you acknowledge and say you know what I don't know if there's a peak or not I can only tell you what I see but it's very possible there's a whole different way to look at it as soon as you say that and truly acknowledge it you're ready on your way to being able to see a broader horizon so the irony is that the more locked into your and and the more locked in you are to your position the less likely that you'll ever see anything outside of your eyes when you're higher than your perspective the less you're locked into your position the more open you are that may be possible there's another way to look at it then what happens is that itself opens you up to the possibilities of a higher reality you may not immediately know the unknowns or the unknown unknowns but at least you going in that direction and there is a point you will come if you consistently are that honest you're able to say there may be another way to look at it that you ultimately do come to really reach the unknown unknowns and then maybe New Horizons open up new unknowns but you're always embracing the mystery you are comfortable with the fact that you don't know it all the words of the Ikram topless idea Shalin ADA the ultimate of knowing is knowing that you don't know and that can be interpreted two ways that the more you know the more you realize what you don't know the more you realize how much more there is to know or you could say the ultimate knowing is knowing the unknowable which is of course a deeper interpretation because as soon as you come to that type of bittle that type of humility you're able to say that that alone opens you up to know the unknowable because you're embracing something that's beyond yourself as long as you think you ever figure it out so you'll know what you know what you don't know you don't know as soon as you say one second there's a part of I don't know I'm not there yet but I'd like to be there you have already become a container a conduit to be able to experience the unknowable and those are the people that really achieve excellence that's Eve true growth because what happens is they're able to use their humility and their bitl and their ability to step back to allow them to really embrace something much greater in relationships in marriage this is a key is to embrace them as the mystery not the thing you can be in control everybody wants to be in control our control as a result of frankly insecurity you need to control it the people who don't need control you know what maybe there's a mystery here maybe I should let it let it control me let events take their power is a certain surrender and a good way and allowing yourself to be vulnerable celebrating your vulnerability is what allows you to experience the mystique there's a mystique and who says you have to have it all figured out and who says you have to have it all under your control and that's when you become truly a great person because then you embrace it all the know what that which is knowable that which is unknowable you can even smile and say you know what there's something beautiful about knowing I don't know everything there's something beautiful about knowing that there's a mystery that's beyond me and as I said ironically that's what bleeds you to actually being able to experience it like it says about covered about Honor that collaborate haha recovered anyone who pursues honor a curve with very few men who the the honor eludes them runs away from them but anyone that runs away from honor the honor pursues them because honor is not something you can own you can't control it's something that is emerges people honor you you can't buy that you can't own it you can't control it as some comment running away from honor doesn't mean running and looking over your shoulder if it's pursuing you it actually means that you're humble enough that you're not looking for the honor and that's when it comes your way all greatness comes that way anyone trying to find that type of trying to explore to to enter into the unknowable world of the unknowable realities and they wanted too much they will not be able to have it as most of Moses what is what did God tell him when he said her reign as Queen er'ka show me God Moses says to God show me your glory show me your face your essence and God says laid any other book I no person can see me and live what it was he saying is saying is you want it then it's on your terms it's not me you want me you can't want it you have to wait you have to be humble and it will emerge if you want something on your terms you'll get it on your terms but it's not going to be me you want really an experience that's even God you want experience another person sometimes you have to just let go and you'll experience it if you try to own it you try to control it to try to understand it analyze it evaluate it that is its undoing yeah you may gain go get somewhere but you're not going to get the essence of it you'll get expression you'll get an expression that you can relate to that speaks to you and that's the ultimate view of life is when you're able to embrace the essence of things an essence of things are by definition not containable they're not they defy our capacity to own and control now we live in a world of acquisitions we live in a world of ownership we learn a world of people wanting to control things well that's very good for materialism in the material world that's how transactions are made and spirituality is not just thing as ownership you don't own anything you don't own your soul you don't know someone else's soul you don't own love and you can't buy it you can't sell it and the same thing with other ethereal and more more sublime forces in our lives what you do is you humbly accept it and then it becomes part of who you are so it's essentially recognizing that there's other realities that are beyond us and the reality is what we want to own ownership is in a very superficial and surface level and that goes back to the things that you know and that you can control but the unknowable and basically this place is that most of us have blind spots our only be able you can only you can only get beyond that is if you recognize that what you have that's not about your control it's not about your understanding and how you see things so my friends that context the anatomy of self-sabotage so sabotage is based on our ability to our capacity to buy into the illusion the delusion of the reality of this world's lies including its concealment and being able to become someone that just is is blind to their own spot blind spots and blind to the things they can't see and the antidote to that is to recognize that's not the case now how do you begin you begin by being honest you begin by really wanting greatness you want one truth if your comfort zone is so powerful and your status quo is so compelling it's hard to imagine how that's going are you going to be shaken out of that so I hope you could all shake ourselves or help each other shake ourselves out of our every and I sleep but always know even though you're asleep I'm asleep the heart is awake so look at it this way the meaningful I've Center myself included in our team we're here to help access the part that's awake it's awake beneath the surface remember the outside the outer levels can be in a slumber and try to order you shame in betar the Moscone to wake up the sleepers the people asleep from their from their slumber and hopefully be able to see and hear reality is that a little greater and higher than what we're usually accustomed to and the best way is to not like to get trapped in the rat race in the rush hour the 90 mile an hour a rat race of our lives the merry-go-round roller coaster whatever analogy whatever analogy you want to use and to step back in the morning you wake up that's why we have time for a little short prayer longer prayer to study step back look at your life a little objectively as if you're looking at from the outside like a little bird's-eye view of your life not let yourself become trap not let yourself become trapped in the minutiae and the forces that that hold us hostage I mean you do that you're able to start seeing broader horizons and please see us meaningful life center myself as allies we're partners in this journey in this spiritual journey as they say not physical beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a physical experience so every Wednesday 8:15 8:30 we begin those of you wherever you may be whether it's Facebook or YouTube or all the other channels please stay in touch comment ask questions and let's create a revolution of higher consciousness a revolution and awakening and awakening to get out of the slumber and see the realities of the world as they are and see ourselves as we truly can be always good to have a very good friend and a good mentor that can help you see sometimes things you may not be able to see including your blind spots and we all need that and we all help each other that way so everybody have a very enlightening we can eye opening week and until next Wednesday this has been civic Upson and God bless you all okay you

Channel: Rabbi Simon Jacobson at Meaningful Life Center

Views: 8,630

Rating: 4.8190956 out of 5

Keywords: rabbi simon jacobson, kabbalah, chassidus, blind spots, prejudices, denial, unknown unknowns

Id: fwJuqE0sFxQ

Length: 68min 21sec (4101 seconds)

Published: Wed May 17 2017