Two Fat Guys Attempt The Appalachian Trail

[Music] this is the story of a computer nerd getting dragged out into the Appalachian Trail by his older brother over the course of a week I learned a lot about myself and how much I can endure which is surprisingly a lot less than I thought it was so have fun and be entertained at my expense because this is not in well that's me in the red bandana and this is my brother Zack embarking on the very beginning of the Appalachian Trail so last night we camped in the car at the state park and Lower Falls so we're set to start our hike this morning I just gotta get up and get ready we're only up a mile in it's we're sidewalk in it I'm not feeling too good oh my God look how big my forehead is compared to yours dude I can't wait till that moon pie of the top my breakfast is my emergency moon pie that's our reward for [ __ ] haul off the self-forgetting to the beginning of places look at that smile behind that smile lies contempt for my brother because he failed to mention to me that the impossible distance he chose for us to cover started at top of the first Mountain which at this point we haven't even climbed yet I should have realized at this point that I was in for a rough ride if you find me out here tell Abby she can't have my YouTube earnings bury that with me every month by the way we're about half way to the beginning we actually make a pretty good time we've been doing this for three hours but I feel like I want to die ya'll said I'd be in a sausage finger suit and titty like I've been preparing for this by walking every day from the computer chair to the refrigerator so we stopped from lunch about within eyesight of the place that we had the moon pie he never showed you guys my packs each day I have a dehydrated dinner and I have a ziploc bag with my tuna slash chicken that's in like a prepackaged thing I'm gonna eat a Clif Bar a thing of café Bustelo and then a powdered milk protein powder mix that I concocted myself like a mad scientist that will be used to make oatmeal the other head as couscous yeah considering suicide zach is doing better than me I'm at the top of Springer Mountain right now well the campsite right past the summit of Springer Mountain nice they named it twice I'm having a cup of the worst coffee I've ever had in my life and I had to pee really bad so I pissed in our red I know it's been raining like this all night I have a big over-the-top poncho I laid it down in the bottom of my tent because uh water started coming through oh it doesn't matter what happens I don't get wet all right the tent can get wet but I don't if the trip ended right here in this last little moment of Solace right after pissing in one of our only water bottles and firmly believing that I would be dry this entire trip I would have been okay with that that would have been okay for the record I'd like it to be known that Springer Mountain summit is the official starting point of the Appalachian Trail but the entire first day we did nothing but hike to the beginning so this day the second day is the official start of our hundred mile excursion water leaked into my tent last night my super magnets so this is the worst night of sleep I've ever had in my entire life [Music] microwaving suits [Music] Am I [Music] put the hood up the hood completes it can you plug it in it's just so tight [Music] [Applause] [Music] we're at the New Bethel Baptist Church bathroom and we just got finished making some coffee because it's a tempo it's in the 40s and it's been like raining all day so we stopped this is our kitchen for the day these [ __ ] they're not even toilet like if I drop my camera in here I'm gonna be pissed it's just like a [ __ ] hole it's been raining since 8:30 last night oh yeah oh no I did updates I did updates in my tent where when you sold a light turn on that like every once in a while like I'd get up shaking and I just turn on the light and like in fiddle with a camera its back I wanna I wanna [ __ ] die right now no remember which is the use of took me remember yeah yeah through the storm everyone else including myself you could hear his ex snoring he was the only one [ __ ] sleeping in a [ __ ] hammock slept like a baby this is the lowest I think you will ever receive me in all my [Applause] dogs yeah hot in the [ __ ] in the a policeman by the way this is not like we're in the bathroom of a church it's just a backward yeah it's in the middle of the market toilet has a wind it's been ran so hard man we decided to stay in this bathroom until the brain lifts up but that might not happen so maybe it's so close to dark but it's only two miles until the campsite so we're open L it up in an hour so it's like for fog right now maybe in an hour a little but we could run on down to camp [Music] heavy thunderstorms all yesterday we stopped at was this Hawk Mountain and all I got yesterday really besides the bathroom stuff was just GoPro clips because it was [ __ ] raining so hard everything we have is soaked everything I mean it was raining so hard last night that I had to pee and I just kind of tried to fill up a bottle this and it was so dark I couldn't see how full of God and it overflowed and got a rebound no no it was supposed to rain hum was a Sunday night and then Monday all day yesterday and then I'm supposed to be clear the rest of the week well I called Abbey because I had some signal out here and she sent me the the new forecast for this week and there's another band of thunderstorms coming it's this terrain today be clear for two days and then [ __ ] our whole week up for four days in a row it's supposed to rain [Music] so we just had some beers I just had some beers and some guy's house and Sam is taking a [ __ ] 2nd 2nd [ __ ] of the day actually he burned up all this toilet paper in the purse yeah it's a good day I'm drunk Sam [ __ ] it's Tuesday it's 2:05 it finally stopped raining and now it's really sunny and the [ __ ] Flies won't go away because we stink really bad we took a break at some dudes house yeah John yeah at John's house him and Zach go I'm fine he had sweet water 420 on tap yeah so they sat there and drink beers and I was ex out here on the trail trunk and I'm hating life I on the other hand I got some sprites from them they didn't have any fists to him anymore they had compressed yeah they'd like compressed on themselves and suspiciously now that I'm back on the trail I'm having explosive diarrhea and I stopped about 5 10 minutes to go to take a [ __ ] and I'm about to take part too I didn't update anything like yesterday after yeah we stayed at justice Creek but I didn't update anything because I was [ __ ] dead tired I just like fell into my campsite and now we're on our way to but look at this view we stopped here for lunch this shit's pretty gnarly yeah it's kind of like ridiculously hot I'm sweating I had six beers [ __ ] I gotta go [ __ ] so we got a ride to get some water oh my god beautiful [Music] I hope at the top of the mountain I think I'm at the top of but uh I don't know but check out this view [Music] come on down to my living room take a load off yeah right here oh yeah hit the heroic Ford there we go everything you see I love that you're saying that with a flashier gash t-shirt when we show grandma this that that might get cut out if you do any shot later with your Satanist D tattoo [Laughter] [Music] [Music] all right it is we're at the top of preaching rocked sunrise so we got a really [ __ ] good we have two mountains we got a big cedar and Blood Mountain we thought this was big cedar but then we read the map wrong and this is actually preaching wrong so right now which makes sense because of the giant rock we're sitting right now we're at 3,500 big cedar it's a mile 0.3 of them off and we're gonna go up to three thousand seven hundred and thirty seven and then we'll be climbing all day if they're gradual their gradual Mountain Blood Mountain was four thousand four hundred fifty seven it will be the tallest [Music] [Music] we're about five miles away from Neil's gap and there's like a lot of elevation between here and there it's like straight up and when we add that detour where Zach might you got drunk at some guy's house we promised a father and son that we would bring mr. Pringles and poplar mr. pants yeah those are the trail names we told them that they would bring them a coke and we're gonna look in this code yeah but it finally cut so I'm drinking a ten-year-olds coke I promise this is a life lesson it's called don't trust strangers we're sleeping in a bear country yeah in bear country where everyone avoids but we're just too tired to care so we're gonna sleep in bear country plus we got the bear bolts to do it nobody else does yeah really it's $1,000 ticket if you don't have them yeah 150 bucks do you ever pay me back for that under fifty bucks well this is the beginning of one of the stupidest hills we had to go up by the way we've been doing this since 7:30 this morning you know it doesn't really look that impressive in the camera I feel like it's not doing it maybe I should hold the camera and you run up there so I good please die this is the first private campsite we've had yeah I think it's just us we made it to the little-known woods hole shelter that I guess it sits on the all the maps and stuff but it's out of the way and normal fit people just go up and over Blood Mountain see we're in bear country right now nobody wants to camp in bear country yeah except for us yeah because together we outweigh a bear yeah well [ __ ] him up take his lunch money and make him look like a [ __ ] in front of his whole friends and family his mole yeah but this means we get the loft look at this luxury accommodations it's supposed to rain tomorrow pose [Music] we get this whole open area ourselves nobody ever comes to this shelter look at this thing looks like it's [ __ ] never been used and now that I'm here can smell it it's been used oh my dear God people have used this there's someone wanna Mountain beg for it [ __ ] just couscous back-to-back-to-back I don't know where your food thing is don't let your dinner I'm gonna have rice and chicken he's gonna have beef stroganoff with noodles I've already had one beef stroganoff so I'm gonna I'm gonna pick up variety I'm just laid out exact on the other hand his head beef stroganoff or no he said couscous every day laughing khal in there and I have a chicken bouillon cube would you say if if laughing cow cheese was to give us a promotional offer because we endorsed them would you say that laughing I ran out of beef jerky which is why I'm gifting a beef stroganoff well you kind of late this subtle wit I was like which one should I am rice and sugar beef stroganoff he's like well you know tomorrow will be no pizza in other words it doesn't matter what you do it's that second one it's gee whiz I haven't eaten a lot of [ __ ] couscous this is the logbook for wood school shelter the shelters are designated for thru-hikers which are people that are doing the entire Appalachian Trail but uh so we're usually not welcome because we're just slack Packers as they call us but I'm gonna sign the [ __ ] out of this thing whenever that gets oh my god look at that guy's handwriting [ __ ] pathetic loser this person I'm nice little [ __ ] novel they wrote this guys [ __ ] Nirvana lyrics in the log book what an idiot just passing through waste of [ __ ] ink alright what should cm say best log you've ever heard I have been spraying diarrhea for two days in this shelter might just be the reprieve I need in order to soothe the irritated puckered skin around my [ __ ] there's a certain forgotten beauty to taking a dump in the woods I mean you get this nice breeze coming in right here I don't know it's fantastic as long as someone isn't walking up on you or waiting outside and looking at your legs through here you kind of get this sense of you know oneness with nature I fully endorse the idea of taking a [ __ ] in the woods after this bowel movement everything goes downhill I believe I drink contaminated water but I spent the entire night in afternoon [ __ ] and puking until I could barely move the next morning update Sam Sam's throwing up Sam spent all night last night throwing up his mountain house and the next morning I woke up absolutely depleted of energy I couldn't hold down anything and even though our hike was dude in a couple days later I called my uncle who was supposed to pick us up in a couple days I told him to meet us at Neil's gap as soon as possible in between Neil's gap in Woods Hole shelter or we were staying is the biggest mountain that we had seen yet called Blood Mountain I had to climb that thing basically dehydrated which actually didn't seem to be a big problem because uh for some reason like the second I realized that I was actually in danger I but I [ __ ] scaled that mountain like it was nothing I don't even remember it it was like it was all a blur although I do remember at the top of the mountain there's a little building up there I was sitting in there to get out of the rain waiting on Zach and this lady came in and she said hi to me and looked at me and I just looked at her in the eyes and then threw up on the floor and she walked over to her husband and goes oh wait I also have a good picture of that moment that's me that's me that's the look of like dude please let me leave that day we reached Neil's gap only walking 40-something miles of our expected eighty or sixty-five or some [ __ ] crazy number I forget how much Zach wanted us to do I'm like do it we're too fat guys we're not gonna do a ridiculous amount of time per day all right I barely walked to the bathroom without getting winded like what's wrong with you the best part about it is is last week he sends me a text message and says hey dude I took time off work in May so we can do some more of the trail for another week and I said you are out of your [ __ ] mind you couldn't pay me enough to get back out there [ __ ] you I've done enough spraying diarrhea in the woods for one lifetime thank you all right so I I hope you guys enjoyed because this is the only time you're gonna see this kind of [ __ ] from me again [Music] [Music]

Channel: General Sam

Views: 1,603,117

Keywords: appalachian trail

Id: Dd2KDUsiNgM

Length: 26min 43sec (1603 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 05 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/lobochica]

If you use iodine tablets in your water that reduces the odds of puking and shitting yourself silly by about %99.9

[u/muffinmasterman]

Nice! I enjoyed the shit out of this.

[u/[deleted]]

Pro tips:

Get yourself proper rain gear. A ponchos not enough. You need something to cover the socks or you'll get nasty foot death and 50% more suicidal thoughts.

You need a tarp under the tent to prevent water from entering. Especially with backpacking tents since they are paper thin.

For easy pissin: Put the door downhill, unzip it just enough for the dick, stick dick in zipper hole, enjoy pissing while dry. Just don't do it in a water bottle you plan on using.

Boil water or use iodine tablets to prevent rapid fire shits. Also bring anti poop pills. Giardia takes a couple days to fully become an asshole so if you have to drink contaminated water, bail off the trail at the next chance.

[u/Quazar_man]

You two are really bad at backpacking. You contacted giardia in 6 days of hiking. You're really good at diarrhea though.

[u/macropower]

The music was really nice, I have to say.

[u/priceisalright]

That guy's wheezing laugh got me every time.

[u/BeanoSupremeo]

Fuck, I'll go hike with his Buddy in May like lets go

[u/Erik_2]

LPT: If you ever puke what looks like coffee grounds, it means there is blood in your stomach, and you should get to a hospital immediately (unless you have actually been eating coffee grounds).

[u/[deleted]]

What a blast they're having.